Funny Quotes Quotes

Quotes tagged as "funny-quotes" Showing 1-30 of 842
Lili St. Crow
“Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch.”
Lili St. Crow

Amit Kalantri
“If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for.”
Amit Kalantri

Cynthia Hand
“It's been nice knowing you, Clara.'

Huh? My brain still a bit shell-shocked.

'Say a prayer for me, will you? He gives me a shaky grin. Because I'm pretty sure my parents are going to kill me”
Cynthia Hand, Hallowed

J.K. Rowling
“Excellent,” said Lupin, looking up as Tonks and Harry entered.
“We’ve got about a minute, I think. We should probably get out into the garden so we’re ready. Harry, I’ve left a letter telling your aunt and
uncle not to worry —”
“They won’t,” said Harry.
“That you’re safe —”
“That’ll just depress them.”
“— and you’ll see them next summer.”
“Do I have to?”
J.K Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Albert Einstein
“Intelligent life on other planets? I'm not even sure there is on earth!”
Albert Einstein.

Ilona Andrews
“One does not simply ring Roland."
Oh boy. I supposed I would get a lecture on the dangers of wandering into Mordor next.”
Ilona Andrews, Magic Shifts

William Goldman
“Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.”
William Goldman, The Princess Bride

Sarah J. Maas
“Amren,” Rhys drawled, “sends her regards. And as for this one … ” I tried not to flinch away from meeting his stare. “She’s mine,” he said quietly, but viciously enough that Devlon and his warriors nearby heard. “And if any of you lay a hand on her, you lose that hand. And then you lose your head.” I tried not to shiver, as Cassian and Mor showed no reaction at all. “And once Feyre is done killing you,” Rhys smirked, “then I’ll grind your bones to dust.”
Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Mist and Fury

Amit Kalantri
“Intelligence is more important than strength, that is why earth is ruled by men and not by animals.”
Amit Kalantri, Wealth of Words

“It's funny how the people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.”
Auliq Ice

“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
Robert Brault

Matthew Bracey
“He had the gift of the gab and could sell sand to Arabs. Hell, he could sell a bag of dildos to a nun – no joke”
matthew bracey, Steel Dogs

Steve  Bates
“You have to be out of your mind. What kind of clinic lets people operate on themselves?” “Well, Suture Self.”
Steve Bates, Back To You

T.J. Klune
“I don’t think this is working out between us,” I told him. “You and I want different things. It’s not me, it’s you.”
T.J. Klune, Tell Me It's Real

Amit Kalantri
“When you are angry try your best to go to sleep, it keeps you away from speaking, writing and thinking while you are angry.”
Amit Kalantri

“Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick.”
Carroll Bryant

Matthew Bracey
“It didn’t take him thirty seconds to have a swig of vodka and a hefty sniff before his hands were as steady as a bloke with his bollocks caught in a zip”
Matthew Bracey, Steel Dogs

Claire Chilton
“When pointing out the flaws in others, people always end up talking about themselves.”
Claire Chilton

Kresley Cole
“Was it just her, or did lovers look more adoringly at each other in this city? Especially in the springtime.

'Die, bastards.'

She sighed. It wasn't their fault that they were bastards who should die.”
Kresley Cole, A Hunger Like No Other

Oliver Markus
“If you call yourself an "authoress" on your Facebook profile, you suck at life. You are stupid and your children are ugly. It doesn't matter if you're just trying to be cute and original. You're not. You are about as original as all those other witless twits "writing" the one millionth shitty Fifty Shades clone. Or maybe you're trying to show your 2000 fake Facebook "friends" that you are an empowered feminist who will not stand for sexist terminology. But you're not showing people that you are fighting the good fight, you're showing people that you are a sheep, who's trying just a little too hard to ride the current wave of idiotic political correctness. The word "author" is no more gender-discrimination than the word "person." Do you call yourself a personess? No, of course not, because then you might as well wear a sign around your neck that says, "Hello, I'm a retard.”
Oliver Markus

Kresley Cole
“Hey! When he dug into it, rifling through her things, she snapped, "Go Yoda someone else's supplies, asshole.”
Kresley Cole, Demon from the Dark

Cassandra Clare
“Your pretense does not fool me, gnome. My eye will be upon you.”
Cassandra Clare, Lord of Shadows

Regina Griffin
“Ish #153 "Artificial plants grow best in artificial light.”
Regina Griffin

Lauren Oliver
“Lindsay calls them the Pugs: pretty from far away, ugly up close.”
Lauren Oliver, Before I Fall

Tammy Blackwell
“Not to alarm you or anything, but I think you just made a deal with a Mexican gang." I've read Simone Elkeles books. I know how this whole garage as a front thing works.”
Tammy Blackwell, Fate Succumbs

Cathy Hopkins
“Who says you only get one? If you're lucky, you will meet The One, The Two, The Three.....and so on.

Cathy Hopkins, Mates, Dates, and Tempting Trouble

Karen  Gibbs
“Women KNOW, we just know. Even if we didn't know, we would know. Men won't get this, but women will..because we KNOW”
Karen Gibbs, A Gallery of Scrapbook Creations

Oliver Markus
“It's probably not easy for a woman to understand what it's like to be a man. Imagine you're starving, and someone puts a huge buffet in front of you. There's delicious, mouth-watering food all around you, and it's really really hard not to eat it all. That's what it's like to be a man around attractive women. The urge to want to hump everything that moves is part of a man's natural programming. It's a deep-seated hunger. To suppress that hunger takes civilization and a lot of willpower.”
Oliver Markus, Why Men And Women Can't Be Friends

Kyle Adams
“Oh my, you big stud, your dancing boobs have enchanted me with your hypnotic sexual magnitudeness.”
Kyle Adams, Prize Package

“Be Stupid, be dumb, be funny, if that's who you are. Don't try to be somebody that society wants you to be; that's stupid.
So be yourself.”
Christina Grimmie

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