Funny Quotes Quotes

Quotes tagged as "funny-quotes" (showing 1-30 of 579)
Lili St. Crow
“Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch.”
Lili St. Crow

Cynthia Hand
“It's been nice knowing you, Clara.'

Huh? My brain still a bit shell-shocked.

'Say a prayer for me, will you? He gives me a shaky grin. Because I'm pretty sure my parents are going to kill me”
Cynthia Hand, Hallowed

J.K. Rowling
“Excellent,” said Lupin, looking up as Tonks and Harry entered.
“We’ve got about a minute, I think. We should probably get out into the garden so we’re ready. Harry, I’ve left a letter telling your aunt and
uncle not to worry —”
“They won’t,” said Harry.
“That you’re safe —”
“That’ll just depress them.”
“— and you’ll see them next summer.”
“Do I have to?”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Amit Kalantri
“If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for.”
Amit Kalantri

Ilona Andrews
“One does not simply ring Roland."
Oh boy. I supposed I would get a lecture on the dangers of wandering into Mordor next.”
Ilona Andrews, Magic Shifts

Candace C. Bowen
“Writers don't get mad they get even in their novels.”
Candace C. Bowen

F. Scott Fitzgerald
“I suppose the latest thing is to sit back and let Mr. Nobody from Nowhere make love to your wife.”
F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
Robert Brault

Cherise Sinclair
“What the heck kind of name was Sir?”
Cherise Sinclair, Club Shadowlands

Regina Griffin
“Ish #19 "If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking?”
Regina Griffin

T.J. Klune
“Well, then, Otter, of course I don’t like Bundt cake. It has eggs in it. Baby chicken eggs. You don’t see chickens standing outside of maternity wards waiting to get our babies to make their Bundt cake, do you?”
T.J. Klune, Who We Are

William Goldman
“Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.”
William Goldman, The Princess Bride

“Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick.”
Carroll Bryant

Claire Chilton
“When pointing out the flaws in others, people always end up talking about themselves.”
Claire Chilton

Amit Kalantri
“Intelligence is more important than strength, that is why earth is ruled by men and not by animals.”
Amit Kalantri, Wealth of Words

Amit Kalantri
“When you are angry try your best to go to sleep, it keeps you away from speaking, writing and thinking while you are angry.”
Amit Kalantri

Cherise Sinclair
“My God, no wonder people like being tied up.”
Cherise Sinclair, Dark Citadel

Amit Kalantri
“You should praise, criticize and flirt with people right to their face, only then it will make a difference.”
Amit Kalantri

“If you want breakfast in bed, you have to concider sleeping in the kitchen>”
Foster "Raul" Mkhabele

Kresley Cole
“Was it just her, or did lovers look more adoringly at each other in this city? Especially in the springtime.

'Die, bastards.'

She sighed. It wasn't their fault that they were bastards who should die.”
Kresley Cole, A Hunger Like No Other

Kresley Cole
“Hey! When he dug into it, rifling through her things, she snapped, "Go Yoda someone else's supplies, asshole.”
Kresley Cole, Demon from the Dark

Regina Griffin
“Ish #153 "Artificial plants grow best in artificial light.”
Regina Griffin

Lauren Oliver
“Lindsay calls them the Pugs: pretty from far away, ugly up close.”
Lauren Oliver, Before I Fall

Kaida Ashia
“Love is relentless, and so am I ;)”
Kaida Ashia

Cassandra Clare
“Your pretense does not fool me, gnome. My eye will be upon you.”
Cassandra Clare, Lord of Shadows

Regina Griffin
“Ish #303 "It's a street food vendor! Stop asking for the health score rating.”
Regina Griffin

Kyle Adams
“Oh my, you big stud, your dancing boobs have enchanted me with your hypnotic sexual magnitudeness.”
Kyle Adams, Prize Package

Cathy Hopkins
“Who says you only get one? If you're lucky, you will meet The One, The Two, The Three.....and so on.

Cathy Hopkins, Mates, Dates, and Tempting Trouble

Lance Manion
“The na at the end of banana annoys me as much as it would you if it were bananana.”
Lance Manion

Oliver Markus
“It's probably not easy for a woman to understand what it's like to be a man. Imagine you're starving, and someone puts a huge buffet in front of you. There's delicious, mouth-watering food all around you, and it's really really hard not to eat it all. That's what it's like to be a man around attractive women. The urge to want to hump everything that moves is part of a man's natural programming. It's a deep-seated hunger. To suppress that hunger takes civilization and a lot of willpower.”
Oliver Markus, Why Men And Women Can't Be Friends

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