Humorous Quotations Quotes

Quotes tagged as "humorous-quotations" (showing 1-30 of 230)
Darynda Jones
“Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself. (T-Shirt)”
Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead

Darynda Jones
“If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is NOT for you. (BUMPER STICKER)”
Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead

Rick Riordan
“Leo could run pretty fast when someone was trying to kill him. Sadly, he’d had a lot of practice.”
Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena

A.A. Milne
“Good judgment comes from experience, and experience - well, that comes from poor judgment.”

Robert Greene
“A Prince asked the dying spanish statesman, "Does your Excellency forgive all your enemies?" "I do not have to forgive all my enemies," answered the stateman, "I have had them all shot.”
Robert Greene, The 48 Laws of Power

Darynda Jones
“if everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane(T-Shirt)”
Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead

Darynda Jones
“Ask me about my complete lack of interest. (T-shirt)”
Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead

Quentin R. Bufogle
“99% of all problems can be solved by money -- and for the other 1% there's alcohol.”
Quentin R. Bufogle

C. JoyBell C.
“I'm half good and I'm half bad. My mama is a very good girl and my daddy is a very bad boy. And I guess that leaves me somewhere sort”
C. JoyBell C.

Richelle Mead
“What is it you’re interested in exactly?” the man asked
slowly. “Just the color?”
“I think we both know,” said Adrian cunningly. “I want the
color. I want the ‘bonus effects.’ And I want it to look
badass. You probably can’t even do the design I want.”
“That’s the least of your worries,” said the guy. “I’ve been
doing this for years. I can draw anything you want.”
“Yeah? Can you draw a skeleton riding a motorcycle with
flames coming out of it? And I want a pirate hat on the
skeleton. And a parrot on his shoulder. A skeleton parrot.
Or maybe a ninja skeleton parrot? No, that would be
overkill. But it’d be cool if the biker skeleton could be
shooting some ninja throwing stars. That are on fire.”
“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard,” said the
“That’s not what the ladies are going to say,” said Adrian”
Richelle Mead, Bloodlines

Salman Aditya
“Enjoy every ounce of your life, get high and be sincere to anybody that comes around you.”
Salman Aditya, High in School

Rick Riordan
“Sam's phone buzzed. She fished it out of her pocket, checked the screen, and cursed. "I have to go."

"You just got here."

"Valkyrie business. Possible code three-eight-one: heroic death in progress."

"You're making that up."

"I'm not."

"So...what, somebody thinks they're about to die and they text you 'Going down! Need Valkyrie ASAP!' followed by a bunch of sad-face emojis?”
Rick Riordan, The Hammer of Thor

“Some people make things happen. Some people watch things happen. And then there are those who wonder, 'What the hell just happened?”
Carroll Bryant

Michael P. Clutton
“If laughter is the best medicine, let's OD together.”
Michael P. Clutton

Quentin Tarantino
“I'm an American, our names don't mean shit.”
Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction: A Quentin Tarantino Screenplay

Darynda Jones
“Somebody has to be sane during regular business hours, and it's not going to be me, missy.”
Darynda Jones

“Intelligence is being intelligent enough to know you're not so intelligent as you intelligently once thought.”
Carroll Bryant

Cara Lynn Shultz
“This guy had more lines than loose-leaf.”
Cara Lynn Shultz, Spellbound

Terry Pratchett
“Just to keep the bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death.”
Terry Pratchett, Maskerade

Christopher Paolini
“Don't eat earwax avoid roasted cabbage and look on the bright side of life -Angela”
Christopher Paolini, Eragon, Eldest & Brisingr

Madeleine Urban
“This dudes nuttier than squirrel shit."

-Ty Henderson”
Madeleine Urban

Edgar Degas
“So that's the telephone? They ring, and you run.”
Edgar Degas

“I believe in love. Unfortunately, it doesn't believe me. Lust, on the other hand, is a nagging wife poking constantly at my DNA.”
Carroll Bryant

“Smoking will probably kill me, but so will natural selection.”
Carroll Bryant

Addison C. Arthur
“Generally speaking, I try not to generalize.”
Addison C. Arthur

Nick Burd
“The truckers are staring," I said after a few seconds.

It was true. They were. The whole row of them was doing a bad job of pretending not to look at us.

"We just got engaged," Lucy shouted over to them. "I just asked this man to be my wife."

The men at the counter traded confused looks. I burst out laughing.

"We're glad you and your ass cracks could share this moment with us," she went on. "Seriously. We really are. Those are serious cracks and this is a serious moment.”
Nick Burd, The Vast Fields of Ordinary

Suzie Quint
“Have you ever noticed that folks will say ‘Look, he has his mama’s eyes’ or ‘his daddy’s nose,’ but they never say ‘We’re so proud! Look! He’s hung just like grampa’?”
- Zach McKnight”
Suzie Quint, A Knight in Cowboy Boots

Michael P. Clutton
“Have you hugged your favorite Dork lately? Most of us are squeezably soft and adorable.”
Michael P. Clutton

Frank Miller
“Sure I can.”
Frank Miller, Sin City, Vol. 4: That Yellow Bastard

Brian Azzarello
“Joker: I don't mind you saying that, Johnny. Sometimes, I need to hear the obvious... now is not one of those times, though.”
Brian Azzarello, Joker

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