Witty Quotes

Quotes tagged as "witty" Showing 1-30 of 666
“Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.”
Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay

Oliver Goldsmith
“Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no fibs.”
Oliver Goldsmith, She Stoops to Conquer

Albert Camus
“The literal meaning of life is whatever you're doing that prevents you from killing yourself.”
Albert Camus

Criss Jami
“Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.”
Criss Jami, Killosophy

James Dashner
“Shouldn't someone give a pep talk or something?' Minho asked...
"Go ahead," Newt replied.
Minho nodded and faced the crowd. 'Be careful,' he said dryly. 'Don't die.'
Thomas would have laughed if he could, but he was too scared for it to come out.
'Great. We're all bloody inspired,' Newt answered.”
James Dashner, The Maze Runner

Cate Tiernan
“Yes. Reyn is our resident horse master. He has an excellent seat."
I grinned. "I've noticed."
Reyn's face tightened and Nell flushed, looking embarrassed. "It's an equestrian term."
"Really? I thought you were talking about his ass.”
Cate Tiernan, Immortal Beloved

Patrick Rothfuss
“I’d heard you were dead.”
"I heard you wear a red lace corset,” I said matter-of-factly. “But I don’t believe every bit of nonsense that gets rumored about.”
Patrick Rothfuss, The Wise Man's Fear

Josh Lanyon
“A pause followed my greeting. Then “We’re watching you ” whispered the voice on the other end.
“Yeah? Did you see what I did with my keys? ”
Silence. Then dial tone.
These younger demons. So easily discouraged.”
Josh Lanyon, The Hell You Say

Jim Butcher
“A technicality I'm prepared to hide wildly behind.”
Jim Butcher, Storm Front

Hunter S. Thompson
“This is the fast lane, folks...and some of us like it here.”
Hunter S. Thompson, Kingdom of Fear: Loathsome Secrets of a Star-Crossed Child in the Final Days of the American Century

Jeff Lindsay
“I am not shy about admitting my modest talents. For example, I am happy to admit that I am better than average at clever remarks, and I also have a flair for getting people to like me. But to be perfectly fair to myself, I am ever-ready to confess my shortcomings, too, and a quick round of soul-searching forced me to admit that I had never been any good at all at breathing water. As I hung there from the seat belt, dazed and watching the water pour in and swirl around my head, this began to seem like a very large character flaw.”
Jeff Lindsay, Dearly Devoted Dexter

Amit Kalantri
“If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for.”
Amit Kalantri

John Flanagan
“You've known him how long?" Malcolm asked.
"Since he was a small boy. I firs noticed him when he slipped into Master Chubb's kitchen to steal some pies."
"So, what did you have to say to Will when you caught him stealing these pies?
"Oh, I didn't let on I was there. We rangers can be very unobtrusive when we choose. I remained out of sight and watched him. I thought he might have potential to be a ranger." Halt said.

Horace joined in "Why?"
Halt answered carefully. "Because he was excellent at moving from cover to cover. Chubb entered 3 times and never noticed him. So i thought that if he could acheive that with no training, he would make a good ranger."
"No" Horace spoke. "Thats not what I meant. Why were you hiding in the kitchen in the first place?"
"I told you. I was watching Will to see if he had the potential to be a ranger."
"Thats not what you said. You said that was the first time you noticed Will."
"Does it matter?"
"Not really. Were you hiding from chub yourself and Will just turned up by coincidence?"
"And why would I be hiding from master Chubb in his own kitchen?"
"Well, there were freshly made pies on the windowsill, and you like pies, don't you?"
"Are you acusing me of trying to steal those pies?!?!"
"No, of course not. I just thought i'd give you the opportunity to confess."

After a pause, Halt continued. "You know, Horace, you used to be a most agreeable young man. Whatever happened to you?"
"I've spent to much time around you, I suppose."

And Halt had to admit that was probably true.”
John Flanagan

Honoré de Balzac
“Nothing so fortifies a friendship as a belief on the part of one friend that he is superior to the other.”
Honore de Balzac

Josh Lanyon
“The problem with a life spent reading is you know too much.”
Josh Lanyon, The Dickens with Love

Criss Jami
“Whenever I think of something but can't think of what it was I was thinking of, I can't stop thinking until I think I'm thinking of it again. I think I think too much.”
Criss Jami, Killosophy

Erich Segal
“What the hell makes you smart?" I asked.
"I wouldn't go for coffee with you."
"Listen - I wouldn't ask you."
"That," she replied, "is what makes you stupid.”
Erich Segal, Love Story

Kirsten Fullmer
“Monique bit at the side of lip. “He’s pretty active, I don’t want to impose…”
Tony stood and scooped up the puppy. “No, seriously, I’d love a little company.”
Kirsten Fullmer, Problems at the Pub

Michael Bassey Johnson
“A person is wise if he listens to millions of advice and doesn't implement any of it.”
Michael Bassey Johnson

Oscar Wilde
“One must have a heart of stone to read the death of little Nell without laughing.”
Oscar Wilde

Kirsten Fullmer
“The big question was, what all was this society up to? They’d certainly been in and out of his office, as well as accidently running into him all around town. Had he inadvertently missed what this group of ladies knew? And worse yet, had he given himself away?”
Kirsten Fullmer, Problems at the Pub

Lloyd Alexander
“-"He loved her...It was noble of him. It was beautiful."

-"It was stupid.”
Lloyd Alexander, Westmark

Holly Hood
“So just let me deal with it, I can be emotionally flawed and still love you all at the same time. I’m a great multitasker.”
Holly Hood, Prison of Paradise

Holly Hood
“I wasn't used to guys making me blush, and I wasn't sure why he even was making me blush.”
Holly Hood, Ink

George W. Bush
“I frankly felt like the reception we received on the way in from the airport was very warm and hospitable. And I want to thank the Canadian people who came out to wave -- with all five fingers -- for their hospitality.”
George W. Bush

Amit Kalantri
“Intelligence is more important than strength, that is why earth is ruled by men and not by animals.”
Amit Kalantri, Wealth of Words

“When people are missing out in their choices and cannot make a distinction between cheery, witty, funny, filthy or scurrilous walks of life, they will have a hard time to inhabit a pleasing and enriching life; and to integrate into a world of understanding and recognition. ("Love lying fallow " )”
Erik Pevernagie

Jandy Nelson
“The guy's life drunk, I think, makes Candide look like a sourpuss. Does he even know that death exists?”
Jandy Nelson, The Sky Is Everywhere

“And it's really very difficult to kill someone when all your inner instincts would oblige you to take off your hat first!”
Susan Kay, Phantom

L.M. Montgomery
“You noticed that I wore this outfit twice? Why, the only thing you wear twice is a sour expression.”
L.M. Montgomery
tags: witty

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