Quotes About Funny But True

Quotes tagged as "funny-but-true" (showing 1-30 of 225)
Criss Jami
“Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.”
Criss Jami, Killosophy

Criss Jami
“Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.”
Criss Jami, Killosophy

Charles M. Schulz
“Never lie in bed at night asking yourself questions you can't answer.”
Charles M. Schulz

G.K. Chesterton
“..."vers libre," (free verse) or nine-tenths of it, is not a new metre any more than sleeping in a ditch is a new school of architecture.”
G.K. Chesterton, Fancies Versus Fads

George Carlin
“If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?”
George Carlin, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

“Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn’t that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.”
Carroll Bryant

E.A. Bucchianeri
“While she could hardly fathom what had just happened to her that night, she reached some conclusions before she fell asleep, certain things now made perfect sense; Moon River didn’t sound so syrupy, mistletoe wasn’t such a bad idea, and perhaps dating was not such a frivolous waste of time after all.”
E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly

Criss Jami
“Drunken men give some of the best pep talks.”
Criss Jami, Killosophy

“He who laughs last ... just didn't get the joke.”
Carroll Bryant

Alyson Noel
“Somewhere in the crowd was at least one potential friend who'd understand the fundamental value of goofing off.
Because if not, how boring would that be?”
Alyson Noel, Radiance

Criss Jami
“We men are fascinated by the things we don't really understand. It gives us something to think and talk about: like females, they drive us nuts.”
Criss Jami, Killosophy

Criss Jami
“The logic behind patriotism is a mystery. At least a man who believes that his own family or clan is superior to all others is familiar with more than 0.000003% of the people involved.”
Criss Jami, Killosophy

Criss Jami
“The manlier you are, the harder it is to understand what a woman wants: there is not a hint of female brain in you.”
Criss Jami, Killosophy

Criss Jami
“To be a philosopher, just reverse everything you have ever been told...and have a sense of humor doing it.”
Criss Jami, Killosophy

“Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick.”
Carroll Bryant

Criss Jami
“If I were to vote, I would intentionally vote for the goofiest candidate. It is my theory that when the people can outwit the leader, the more respected their voices will be.”
Criss Jami, Killosophy

Criss Jami
“Psychobabble attempts to redefine the entire English language just to make a correct statement incorrect. Psychology is the study of why someone would try to do this.”
Criss Jami, Killosophy

Criss Jami
“Tolerance! The virtue that makes one bite his tongue so that he can tear out his hair.”
Criss Jami, Killosophy

Criss Jami
“I feel as though whenever I create something, my Mr. Hyde wakes up in the middle of the night and starts thrashing it. I sometimes love it the next morning, but other times it is an abomination.”
Criss Jami, Killosophy

Criss Jami
“With a philosophy education, one can infuriate his peers, intimidate his date, think of obscure, unreliable ways to make money, and never regret a thing.”
Criss Jami, Diotima, Battery, Electric Personality

“...if you aren't, at any given time, scandalized by code you wrote five or even three years ago, you're not learning anywhere near enough”
Nick Black

Michael Bassey Johnson
“Flattery does not encourage the perfect flow of love in the vein of your relationship. Be genuine and speak out what you feel for each other without hiding the painful truth.”
Michael Bassey Johnson

Criss Jami
“I am not sure if women are attracted to genius. Can you imagine the wise wizard winning the woman over the gallant swordsman? It seems rather otherworldly in more ways than one.”
Criss Jami, Killosophy

Regina Griffin
“Ish #153 "Artificial plants grow best in artificial light.”
Regina Griffin

“The internal combustion engine, one of the greatest technological advancements in history, has an unfortunate downside, namely air pollution so thick that, very soon, sixty-four packs of crayons will include the color Sky Brown”
Cuthbert Soup, A Whole Nother Story

Chelsea Handler
“Then they have the audacity to go shopping and pick out their own gifts. I want to know who the first person was who said this was okay. After spending all that money on a bachelorette weekend, a shower, and often a flight across the country, they expect you to go to Williams Sonoma or Pottery Barn and do research? Then they send you a thank-you note applauding you for such a thoughtful gift. They're the one who picked it out!”
Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands

“NOTHING TO DO BUT ALWAYS BUSY”
Rigas

Criss Jami
“Respect? Of course, always, to all, because everything seems funnier when you're trying to show respect.”
Criss Jami, Killosophy

P.C. Cast
“When boys get mad its not so bad
When girls get mad world WW3 is about to start!”
P.C. Cast

“Sometimes I wonder how many others you're texting while you're texting me.”
Abdul'Rauf Hashmi

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