Hilarious Quotes Quotes

Quotes tagged as "hilarious-quotes" (showing 1-23 of 23)
“Connor and Cameron look wide-eyed at the carnage. Cameron slowed the speedboat down to a crawl. She and Connor looked at Jason.
“Oops,” Jason said meekly. Nothing else seemed appropriate.
“Oops?” Connor shouted. “You blew up half the town.”
Mark A. Cooper, Royal Decree

Lynne Graham
“You own your own island?

Doesn't every Greek tycoon?”
Lynne Graham

Lucian Bane
“Come on sweetheart, wet your whistle, my little inanimate hussy." ~Steve”
Lucian Bane, Dom Wars: Round Five

Brandon Sanderson
“You've never heard of bagpipes?" Cody asked, sounding aghast. "They're as Scottish as kilts and red armpit hair!"
"Um . . . yuck?" I said.
"That's it." Cody said. "Steelheart has to fall so we can get back to educating children properly. This is an offense against the dignity of my motherland."
"Great," Prof said. "I'm glad we now have proper motivation.”
Brandon Sanderson, Steelheart

Brandon Sanderson
“Ear demons are totally real," Cody said. "They're what make microphones like these ones work. They're also what tell you to eat the last slice of pie when you know Tia wanted it.”
Brandon Sanderson, Steelheart

Mariana Zapata
“Diana, would you marry someone for money?" I asked her out of the blue one afternoon during her lunch break. Without missing a beat, she made a contemplative noise. "It depends.How much money?"
It was right then I knew I'd called the wrong person. I should have dialed Oscar, my slightly younger brother, instead. He'd always been wise beyond his years. Diana...not so much.
I only told her the partial truth. "What if someone bought you a house?"
She "hmmed" and then "hmmed" a little more. "A nice house?"
"It wouldn't be a mansion, you greedy whore, but I'm not talking about a dump or anything either." I figured at least.”
Mariana Zapata, The Wall of Winnipeg and Me

Lailah Gifty Akita
“My greatest privilege is being married to a gentle loving husband. I am very grateful God made our path cross.”
Lailah Gifty Akita, Think Great: Be Great!

Lailah Gifty Akita
“I am a great warrior.”
Lailah Gifty Akita, Think Great: Be Great!

Lailah Gifty Akita
“Who am I?
What is my mission?”
Lailah Gifty Akita, Think Great: Be Great!

Ana B. Good
“Dylan looked promising. Tomboy. Tall and deliciously rangy. Her raven hair was unevenly sliced, streaked auburn in a patch or two. A thatch of black hair hung like a flag of bad-girl honor over Dylan’s right eye. She was delightfully loud. Her black, paint-splattered jeans were ripped at both knees. She wore a red T-shirt that proclaimed: “Ask Me About My Big Pink Pussy.”
Ana B. Good, The Big Sugarbush

Sister Souljah
“Damn, is this bitch a crackhead vampire? She stays up all night. In the morning you're looking at her like, did you ever go to sleep?”
Sister Souljah, The Coldest Winter Ever

Ana B. Good
“A tall woman with ass-length, honey-blonde hair had entered the lobby and was barking orders at an entourage of men who toted her Gucci leather luggage. Her dog, a white Westie, was barking, adding to the commotion. “Justin!” the woman chastised the man who held the door open for her. “Icky snow on my feet. My Manolo Blahniks. Oh my God! These shoes are a work of art! Do somethinggg!”
Ana B. Good, The Big Sugarbush

“The greater the injury, the greater the fun.”
Leinad Eibam, a celebration of poets, Summer 2015

Lailah Gifty Akita
“We are all beautiful creation of God.”
Lailah Gifty Akita, Think Great: Be Great!

Lailah Gifty Akita
“We are amazing individuals.”
Lailah Gifty Akita, Think Great: Be Great!

Lailah Gifty Akita
“All souls have a body.”
Lailah Gifty Akita, Think Great: Be Great!

Diana Palmer
“He cuddled her back into his arms and sighed, closing his eyes as the flames in the gas logs danced like sugar-plums. Gracie watched them across his broad chest, feeling the happiness like a flame inside her heart. Somewhere she heard Christmas carols being sung and a dog barking in the distance. Closer, she heard the strong, regular beat of Jason’s heart under her ear. Christmas wasn’t only in her heart. It was in her arms.”
Diana Palmer, Heartless

Diana Palmer
“Jason looked down at her with smoldering eyes in a taciturn face. “You’ll have to do something about Mumbles before we come back for Thanksgiving, Gracie,” he told her quietly. “Kittie’s allergic to cats.”
Diana Palmer, Heartless

“i hate math, but i love counting money”
anonymous

Diana Palmer
“It was so fast. So fast. One minute she was reaching, reaching, almost touching the center of ecstasy itself. The next she was convulsing with something so hot with throbbing pleasure that it was almost pain. An inhuman cry tore out of her throat as she went up like a Chinese rocket and exploded into a million flaming pieces of pure joy.”
Diana Palmer

Michele de Winton
“Nicolas Morganti had stalked back into her life, stamped his foot, and demanded to stay.”
Michele de Winton, Red Hot Christmas

“Life is not fucked up by accident; it is fucked up on purpose!!!”
Jason Gabriel Kondrath

Robin Alexander
“So again, why are you climbing a tree?” Christine asked as she shielded her eyes from the sun. She and everyone else sat around on blankets watching Kellen help Stevie put her gear on. “I wanted to learn how to do it, and Kellen fixed up this dead tree for me. I want to show off my new skills, too, because Linden made fun of me,” Stevie said and struck a pose. “Be still, I’m trying to connect the climb line to your saddle,” Kellen said, focused on the task. Kenzie climbed onto Trent’s shoulders and made a face. “Uncle Linden says Aunt Stevie’s gonna break her butt.” “Thanks, Linden,” Stevie said and shot him a look. “She won’t.” Kyle laughed. “I’ve never seen so much safety equipment in my life. Kell, you forgot to bubble wrap her butt before you put the saddle on.” “Where’d you get them giant pads from?” Walt asked. “They’re the ones the track team at the school used to use for pole vaulting.” Kellen adjusted the chinstrap on Stevie’s helmet. “This is our exercise tree.” Stevie patted the trunk. “I want iron legs like Kellen’s, so she topped it for me, cut most of the branches off, and put out the pads. See how she spoils me?” “Yeah, she gave you what looks like fifty feet of dead tree,” Kyle said with a grin. “Most people just get flowers.” Trent snorted. “Nothing says love like a fifty-foot stump.” Kellen double-checked her own gear just in case Stevie got into trouble and she had to go up for her. “Okay, babe, don’t go past the fifteen-foot mark, trust your saddle when your legs get tired, pay attention to the depth of your spikes.” She patted Stevie’s cheek and whispered, “Now show them your monkey.”
Robin Alexander, Kellen's Moment