Tony Fahkry's Blog, page 48
April 4, 2015
Sometimes You Have To Go Through The Storm
“When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” - Haruki Murakami
Life is unpredictable. No surprises there.
You never know what lies around the corner waiting to test your resolve.
Life’s challenges are part of the human condition and yet none are immune from the ravages of existence. They arise for reasons we cannot comprehend and leave us like a wounded pigeon, with broken wings. Yet contained within this knowledge and in spite of life’s upheaval, we are able to reconnect to our authentic power however uncompromising conditions appear. This quote by Haruki Murakami signifies our ability to assume control of how we interpret pain and suffering, “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”
Through my own trials I now appreciate the supreme lesson that we are ultimately not in control. With this knowledge, we surrender to universal forces to imbue us with the experiences to shape our destiny. Surrender does not mean apathy, in contrast it means mental and emotional detachment from preferred outcomes. We allow the process of life to unfold through us and in doing so trust our needs are fulfilled at the right time.
You are never presented with an experience that is the sum of your conditioning. Each challenge stretches you to grow beyond your comfort zone. Comparable with the seasons which arrive and recede, your challenges serve a purpose. Sometimes it may not be obvious for a long time, yet everything unfolds in line with a supreme order. I am neither referring to religion nor spirituality, but an intricate universal order which governs the framework of reality.
There is an ancient Sufi passage that states, “This too shall pass.” Reflect on these words during your darkest hour. Pain and suffering recedes to give way to a harmonious solution. Painful challenges dissolve in the same way morning fog lifts to reveal a brilliant day.
Yield to your challenges by leaning in to them instead of opposing them. What happens when you move into your challenges than run away from them? You face them head on and build self-confidence. The storm represents your darkest hour amid the backdrop of uncertainty. Known as the dark night of the soul, the storm serves a purpose. It endows you with vital resources intended for your personal evolution.
It is by no mistake that the bigger we play, the harder we fall. Challenges can arise suddenly, yet lead us to a deeper knowledge of ourselves. Your personal growth is impeded were it not for the difficult times. Man does not rise to his best under the kindest conditions, yet in the harshest storm he discovers his true potential.
Do not merely embrace the good times, savour the difficult times as well since progress is realised under testing conditions. The happiest people are those who have undergone hardship to emerge with deep wisdom to share with others.
We prevail not in waiting for the storm to pass, but in proceeding through the storm. Winston Churchill said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” You see, the storm shapes your inner landscape by exposing your strengths and weaknesses. It sharpens the saw as Stephen Covey reminds us in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.
“If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm.” - Mahatma Gandhi
If you are feeling overwhelmed by life’s challenges, get back on your feet and persist through it. Acquire the lessons, experience the pain. We must venture beyond our comfort zone daily if we are to awaken our potential. Those who settle, burn out well before their time has come. It was George Bernard Shaw who said, “I want to be all used up before I die.”
Similarly, we must strive to nurture patience and self-compassion as we endure the storm. In doing so you develop a resilient sense of self. Consider your advice to a close friend or family member undergoing a similar trial.
The Buddha teaches the Four Noble Truths essential to his teachings. They apply to us if we seek to understand the nature of adversity and how to make sense of it in our lives.
If we wish to penetrate the true nature of our existence, we must develop a deeper knowledge of ourselves. Suffering is the threshold into one’s reality, perceived through the lens of adversity. The Four Noble Truths affirm that life is impermanent – everything is in a transitory state, even our pain and troubles.
Your response to hardship is measured by your attitude and mental resilience. Charles Swindoll said, “Words can never adequately convey the incredible impact of our attitude toward life. The longer I live the more convinced I’ve come that life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we respond to it.”
Therefore, it is not life’s volatility that is the cause of our hardship, yet how we interpret those events that shape our life. We have two choices in each challenge: rise to it and in doing so overcome it or retreat into despair. The latter invites more suffering and erodes our personal self.
We all suffer pain in one form or another, yet the degree to which we choose to suffer remains within our control.
Life is unpredictable. No surprises there.
You never know what lies around the corner waiting to test your resolve.
Life’s challenges are part of the human condition and yet none are immune from the ravages of existence. They arise for reasons we cannot comprehend and leave us like a wounded pigeon, with broken wings. Yet contained within this knowledge and in spite of life’s upheaval, we are able to reconnect to our authentic power however uncompromising conditions appear. This quote by Haruki Murakami signifies our ability to assume control of how we interpret pain and suffering, “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”
Through my own trials I now appreciate the supreme lesson that we are ultimately not in control. With this knowledge, we surrender to universal forces to imbue us with the experiences to shape our destiny. Surrender does not mean apathy, in contrast it means mental and emotional detachment from preferred outcomes. We allow the process of life to unfold through us and in doing so trust our needs are fulfilled at the right time.
You are never presented with an experience that is the sum of your conditioning. Each challenge stretches you to grow beyond your comfort zone. Comparable with the seasons which arrive and recede, your challenges serve a purpose. Sometimes it may not be obvious for a long time, yet everything unfolds in line with a supreme order. I am neither referring to religion nor spirituality, but an intricate universal order which governs the framework of reality.
There is an ancient Sufi passage that states, “This too shall pass.” Reflect on these words during your darkest hour. Pain and suffering recedes to give way to a harmonious solution. Painful challenges dissolve in the same way morning fog lifts to reveal a brilliant day.
Yield to your challenges by leaning in to them instead of opposing them. What happens when you move into your challenges than run away from them? You face them head on and build self-confidence. The storm represents your darkest hour amid the backdrop of uncertainty. Known as the dark night of the soul, the storm serves a purpose. It endows you with vital resources intended for your personal evolution.
It is by no mistake that the bigger we play, the harder we fall. Challenges can arise suddenly, yet lead us to a deeper knowledge of ourselves. Your personal growth is impeded were it not for the difficult times. Man does not rise to his best under the kindest conditions, yet in the harshest storm he discovers his true potential.
Do not merely embrace the good times, savour the difficult times as well since progress is realised under testing conditions. The happiest people are those who have undergone hardship to emerge with deep wisdom to share with others.
We prevail not in waiting for the storm to pass, but in proceeding through the storm. Winston Churchill said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” You see, the storm shapes your inner landscape by exposing your strengths and weaknesses. It sharpens the saw as Stephen Covey reminds us in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.
“If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm.” - Mahatma Gandhi
If you are feeling overwhelmed by life’s challenges, get back on your feet and persist through it. Acquire the lessons, experience the pain. We must venture beyond our comfort zone daily if we are to awaken our potential. Those who settle, burn out well before their time has come. It was George Bernard Shaw who said, “I want to be all used up before I die.”
Similarly, we must strive to nurture patience and self-compassion as we endure the storm. In doing so you develop a resilient sense of self. Consider your advice to a close friend or family member undergoing a similar trial.
The Buddha teaches the Four Noble Truths essential to his teachings. They apply to us if we seek to understand the nature of adversity and how to make sense of it in our lives.
If we wish to penetrate the true nature of our existence, we must develop a deeper knowledge of ourselves. Suffering is the threshold into one’s reality, perceived through the lens of adversity. The Four Noble Truths affirm that life is impermanent – everything is in a transitory state, even our pain and troubles.
Your response to hardship is measured by your attitude and mental resilience. Charles Swindoll said, “Words can never adequately convey the incredible impact of our attitude toward life. The longer I live the more convinced I’ve come that life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we respond to it.”
Therefore, it is not life’s volatility that is the cause of our hardship, yet how we interpret those events that shape our life. We have two choices in each challenge: rise to it and in doing so overcome it or retreat into despair. The latter invites more suffering and erodes our personal self.
We all suffer pain in one form or another, yet the degree to which we choose to suffer remains within our control.
March 27, 2015
Have You Lost Your Way?
“Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle.” - Lewis Carroll
A Roman general known for his valour, insisted a slave follow him everywhere holding a sign that read, momento mori which translated means, “remember that you have to die.”
I invite you to consider the extent of your life be measured by the significant moments instead of missed opportunities. Knowing life is short, we must seize the day to discover our path.
Events play out in our favour, despite the worries and frustrations which open us to a greater experience of ourselves. Yet without warning your existence may be cast into despair as you come to terms with changing circumstances.
Have you experienced losing your direction? Remember how you felt at the time – connect with the moment by recalling those times of uncertainty. Now cast your mind back to the present moment. Note the insignificance of the experience from this vantage point.
A loss in direction is precipitated by losing sight of one’s core purpose. A feeling of emptiness is accompanied by worry and confusion as you come to terms with your position. I can attest to this having experienced it when I transitioned from an earlier career over a decade ago. The disconcerted and listless state of mind was too much to bear. My vulnerability clouded my incapacity to make sense of my state. I sought to establish my foothold in what appeared to be a bottomless pit.
Let me set your mind at rest - you can never be lost in this purposeful universe. Contained within every experience of uncertainty is the knowledge you have taken a side-step; a holding point to reconnect with your intuitive compass.
We are prone to lose our way during moments in our life since we are not born with an internal GPS routing our passage through life. Whilst we are endowed with inner guidance by way of emotions, depending on our level of awareness and consciousness, we are less likely to heed the signs. We are so caught up attending to the cascade of emotions which being lost invokes.
Allow me to propose a thought experiment – indulge me if you will. What if being lost turned out to be your greatest gift? Consider the following scenario. You set out in search of a dream to find you have become lost. Right when you are likely to concede defeat, you find your way and while the road is unfamiliar, it allows you to create a new path toward your destination.
If you used a GPS device and took a wrong turn, as long as the right co-ordinates are stored, the unit seeks an alternative route to deliver you to the destination; regardless of which road you take. Life functions in the same respect. You are the vehicle while your intuition and emotional guidance serves as the GPS. If you are lost, reconnect with your purposeful self to get back on course with your journey.
“And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself?” – Rumi
The primary aim when you are lost is to concede to your current state. Second, navigate your way ahead from your current position and trust you will reach your destination. Equally, retreat into silence. When the mind is caught up in excessive thought, one cannot navigate the path forward owing to the cloud of distorted thinking. Stay still and silent until a stirring within your soul summons you to take proper action. You will know when you are ready to take the next step.
A music device may cease to omit a radio frequency due to interruptions to its signal, yet it remains a music device. Life is recurring which means honouring the rhythms which rise and fall – sometimes we may be lost while other times our path is obvious. There is a purpose to everything, which only becomes clear to you further down the road.
When you sense you are lost, you should get in touch with your inner nature. What materialises often reflects what is held within the psyche. Could being lost highlight the same concealed feelings beneath the surface? It was Carl Jung who said, “Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” He was referring to awakening our potential.
In the same way, despite popular opinion espousing the happiness movement, seeking happiness while lost is expecting the sun to shine through a raging storm. One must continue to advance through the storm so the sun finds its way through an unblemished sky.
Share your pain with others who can support you to navigate your way back. What may appear as being stuck holds your greatest gift towards victory, yet seldom does it appear that way. It was Dan Millman who said, “When we feel stuck, going nowhere - even starting to slip backward - we may actually be backing up to get a running start.”
In Paulo Coelho’s book The Alchemist, Santiago the young shepherd boy traverses the globe in search of his personal legend, to find it was present at home all along. Had he not embarked upon the journey, he may not have gained the valuable wisdom and insights along the way. He may have overlooked the connections made and the lessons which shaped his life.
Your mental frame of reference is paramount when you have lost your way. Not every person’s character is shaped by success, yet failure musters personal growth in every person. The person we become at our lowest point flames our inner spirit. Andrew Matthews, author of How Life Works, reminds us, “When we think everything is going wrong, it usually isn't. We just can’t see the whole picture.”
Knowing our time is limited beckons us to stop clutching for answers that do not exist. It is acceptable to be lost at moments of our life, given that man spends a lifetime cultivating his way on earth. Nothing good can arise out of fearing for the worst or expecting a future to arrive as expected.
Remain resolute that the breadth of your life is measured by the memorable moments, instead of one’s lost direction. For contained within each period of uncertainty lies the opportunity to unearth your hidden potential.
A Roman general known for his valour, insisted a slave follow him everywhere holding a sign that read, momento mori which translated means, “remember that you have to die.”
I invite you to consider the extent of your life be measured by the significant moments instead of missed opportunities. Knowing life is short, we must seize the day to discover our path.
Events play out in our favour, despite the worries and frustrations which open us to a greater experience of ourselves. Yet without warning your existence may be cast into despair as you come to terms with changing circumstances.
Have you experienced losing your direction? Remember how you felt at the time – connect with the moment by recalling those times of uncertainty. Now cast your mind back to the present moment. Note the insignificance of the experience from this vantage point.
A loss in direction is precipitated by losing sight of one’s core purpose. A feeling of emptiness is accompanied by worry and confusion as you come to terms with your position. I can attest to this having experienced it when I transitioned from an earlier career over a decade ago. The disconcerted and listless state of mind was too much to bear. My vulnerability clouded my incapacity to make sense of my state. I sought to establish my foothold in what appeared to be a bottomless pit.
Let me set your mind at rest - you can never be lost in this purposeful universe. Contained within every experience of uncertainty is the knowledge you have taken a side-step; a holding point to reconnect with your intuitive compass.
We are prone to lose our way during moments in our life since we are not born with an internal GPS routing our passage through life. Whilst we are endowed with inner guidance by way of emotions, depending on our level of awareness and consciousness, we are less likely to heed the signs. We are so caught up attending to the cascade of emotions which being lost invokes.
Allow me to propose a thought experiment – indulge me if you will. What if being lost turned out to be your greatest gift? Consider the following scenario. You set out in search of a dream to find you have become lost. Right when you are likely to concede defeat, you find your way and while the road is unfamiliar, it allows you to create a new path toward your destination.
If you used a GPS device and took a wrong turn, as long as the right co-ordinates are stored, the unit seeks an alternative route to deliver you to the destination; regardless of which road you take. Life functions in the same respect. You are the vehicle while your intuition and emotional guidance serves as the GPS. If you are lost, reconnect with your purposeful self to get back on course with your journey.
“And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself?” – Rumi
The primary aim when you are lost is to concede to your current state. Second, navigate your way ahead from your current position and trust you will reach your destination. Equally, retreat into silence. When the mind is caught up in excessive thought, one cannot navigate the path forward owing to the cloud of distorted thinking. Stay still and silent until a stirring within your soul summons you to take proper action. You will know when you are ready to take the next step.
A music device may cease to omit a radio frequency due to interruptions to its signal, yet it remains a music device. Life is recurring which means honouring the rhythms which rise and fall – sometimes we may be lost while other times our path is obvious. There is a purpose to everything, which only becomes clear to you further down the road.
When you sense you are lost, you should get in touch with your inner nature. What materialises often reflects what is held within the psyche. Could being lost highlight the same concealed feelings beneath the surface? It was Carl Jung who said, “Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” He was referring to awakening our potential.
In the same way, despite popular opinion espousing the happiness movement, seeking happiness while lost is expecting the sun to shine through a raging storm. One must continue to advance through the storm so the sun finds its way through an unblemished sky.
Share your pain with others who can support you to navigate your way back. What may appear as being stuck holds your greatest gift towards victory, yet seldom does it appear that way. It was Dan Millman who said, “When we feel stuck, going nowhere - even starting to slip backward - we may actually be backing up to get a running start.”
In Paulo Coelho’s book The Alchemist, Santiago the young shepherd boy traverses the globe in search of his personal legend, to find it was present at home all along. Had he not embarked upon the journey, he may not have gained the valuable wisdom and insights along the way. He may have overlooked the connections made and the lessons which shaped his life.
Your mental frame of reference is paramount when you have lost your way. Not every person’s character is shaped by success, yet failure musters personal growth in every person. The person we become at our lowest point flames our inner spirit. Andrew Matthews, author of How Life Works, reminds us, “When we think everything is going wrong, it usually isn't. We just can’t see the whole picture.”
Knowing our time is limited beckons us to stop clutching for answers that do not exist. It is acceptable to be lost at moments of our life, given that man spends a lifetime cultivating his way on earth. Nothing good can arise out of fearing for the worst or expecting a future to arrive as expected.
Remain resolute that the breadth of your life is measured by the memorable moments, instead of one’s lost direction. For contained within each period of uncertainty lies the opportunity to unearth your hidden potential.
March 20, 2015
Will The Real You Please Stand Up?
“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” - Brené Brown
The Master was never impressed by diplomas or degrees. He scrutinised the person, not the certificate. He was once heard to say, "When you have ears to hear a bird in song, you don't need to look at its credentials."
The passage from Anthony De Mello’s book, One Minute Wisdom underscores the message that brilliance always seeks its own path to reveal itself.
Ask anyone, “Who are you?” and they will reel off a list of attributes relating to their occupation, education or familial status. “I am an architect, husband, father, mother, accountant, etc.” What you do in your waking hours encompasses one facet of your life. It holds significance we identify with but it doesn't tell us who we are at a deeper level.
Take a moment to consider who you truly are, beneath the surface and irrespective of your title or status. Who is the person you call the Self? The person you identify with as “I?” A facet of your being prevails beyond the individual you recognise in the mirror or see in photographs. This Self, although having transformed its external form over the years, remains the same.
In his book The Mind-Body Code, clinical neuropsychologist Dr Mario Martinez seeks to discover the key to longevity through interviews with centenarians. Having traversed the globe to uncover the secrets to long life, the common denominator among those who live beyond 100 years is the person they call “the Self” remains much the same.
Reflect on that for a moment. The person you know as “I” remains the same throughout your life because of your self-constructed image. Whilst your external façade may change, the essence of the “Self” is unchanged.
“Only the truth of who you are, if realized, will set you free.” - Eckhart Tolle
There is an underlying quality to your existence entrusted in goodness and recognised as the authentic self. Beneath your conditioning, the authentic self emerges to reveal the core self – the spiritual part of your nature. The authentic self is the embodiment of your soul nature – the immaterial Self which exists beyond the physical space-time continuum. This Self is not bound by the demands of our collective culture to conform by way of rules and regulations. It is boundless, transcending the limitations of time owing to its essence as simple awareness.
Equally, we recognise inauthenticity in others by labelling them as “fake.” However, we are less likely to detect the same flaws in ourselves. This is because we associate with the dominant egoic self which strives to achieve more and is never fulfilled until it gets what it wants. Thus we buy into its false demands needing more to survive.
In contrast, the authentic self does not support the same needs as the ego. Through a quiet stillness, it communicates to us in silent whispers. The authentic self can be drowned out by the voice of the ego. Many people fail to merge with their deeper wisdom due to the overpowering ego which dominates their life.
The American mythologist Joseph Campbell wrote, "The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are." The authentic self is concealed beneath the formed image of the Self whilst serving to obscure your spiritual nature. To realise the core self requires shedding the false image of who you think you are and allowing the real self to emerge.
As we strive to assimilate within our collective society, to venture beyond the pale as Dr Martinez describes, we risk being excluded from belonging. Those who embark on a journey to realise success in the world are no longer considered part of the tribe. Our social need to identify with our tribe is an acknowledgement of our belonging.
This begs the question, how do we unite with our authentic nature, concealed under the weight of our conditioning?
To reveal your authenticity means honouring the wisdom contained within the core self. At the deepest level, the soul’s yearning to express itself through you remains vital to your personal evolution. The authentic self honours the wisdom that you are more than your thoughts that relate to yourself. You created your image of self to exist and survive in the world, yet the eternal self does not associate with this likeness.
An authentic life requires you live according to your highest truth. It means embodying your innermost values which serve as guideposts for genuine living. Those who live an inauthentic life are prone to life’s struggle contained within the states of: boredom, mid-life crisis, addictions, infidelity, etc. They stray from their authentic self by buying into the false belief they are lacking in this respect.
Life succeeds through contrasts. It was Shakespeare who expressed through Hamlet that “there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
Whilst unsettling, life’s conflicting nature highlights our inner struggle to make sense of the world. This becomes clear as we dip our toes in the water to experience the other side. Thus a mid-life crisis becomes a call to heal unpleasant emotional conflicts we have abandoned. To stay stuck in a mid-life crisis however becomes a healing crisis vying for our attention.
As we merge with the authentic self, our problems, pain and struggles give rise to inspired living. We harmonise with our essential-self by integrating our highest values into the core of our being.
Self-analysis is a means to reawaken the authentic self by making conscious what was unconscious. I use reawaken since your default state at your conception is one of innocence and pure awareness. Byron Katie’s program The Work is a valuable healing and transformation tool which offers powerful insights for enquiring into unconscious beliefs to awaken the authentic self.
As you unite with the authentic self, a greater wholeness emerges to reveal the core self.
To appreciate a bird in song requires one to recognise the same tune within their own being. It is then our story of wholeness emerges out of the fog of separateness.
The Master was never impressed by diplomas or degrees. He scrutinised the person, not the certificate. He was once heard to say, "When you have ears to hear a bird in song, you don't need to look at its credentials."
The passage from Anthony De Mello’s book, One Minute Wisdom underscores the message that brilliance always seeks its own path to reveal itself.
Ask anyone, “Who are you?” and they will reel off a list of attributes relating to their occupation, education or familial status. “I am an architect, husband, father, mother, accountant, etc.” What you do in your waking hours encompasses one facet of your life. It holds significance we identify with but it doesn't tell us who we are at a deeper level.
Take a moment to consider who you truly are, beneath the surface and irrespective of your title or status. Who is the person you call the Self? The person you identify with as “I?” A facet of your being prevails beyond the individual you recognise in the mirror or see in photographs. This Self, although having transformed its external form over the years, remains the same.
In his book The Mind-Body Code, clinical neuropsychologist Dr Mario Martinez seeks to discover the key to longevity through interviews with centenarians. Having traversed the globe to uncover the secrets to long life, the common denominator among those who live beyond 100 years is the person they call “the Self” remains much the same.
Reflect on that for a moment. The person you know as “I” remains the same throughout your life because of your self-constructed image. Whilst your external façade may change, the essence of the “Self” is unchanged.
“Only the truth of who you are, if realized, will set you free.” - Eckhart Tolle
There is an underlying quality to your existence entrusted in goodness and recognised as the authentic self. Beneath your conditioning, the authentic self emerges to reveal the core self – the spiritual part of your nature. The authentic self is the embodiment of your soul nature – the immaterial Self which exists beyond the physical space-time continuum. This Self is not bound by the demands of our collective culture to conform by way of rules and regulations. It is boundless, transcending the limitations of time owing to its essence as simple awareness.
Equally, we recognise inauthenticity in others by labelling them as “fake.” However, we are less likely to detect the same flaws in ourselves. This is because we associate with the dominant egoic self which strives to achieve more and is never fulfilled until it gets what it wants. Thus we buy into its false demands needing more to survive.
In contrast, the authentic self does not support the same needs as the ego. Through a quiet stillness, it communicates to us in silent whispers. The authentic self can be drowned out by the voice of the ego. Many people fail to merge with their deeper wisdom due to the overpowering ego which dominates their life.
The American mythologist Joseph Campbell wrote, "The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are." The authentic self is concealed beneath the formed image of the Self whilst serving to obscure your spiritual nature. To realise the core self requires shedding the false image of who you think you are and allowing the real self to emerge.
As we strive to assimilate within our collective society, to venture beyond the pale as Dr Martinez describes, we risk being excluded from belonging. Those who embark on a journey to realise success in the world are no longer considered part of the tribe. Our social need to identify with our tribe is an acknowledgement of our belonging.
This begs the question, how do we unite with our authentic nature, concealed under the weight of our conditioning?
To reveal your authenticity means honouring the wisdom contained within the core self. At the deepest level, the soul’s yearning to express itself through you remains vital to your personal evolution. The authentic self honours the wisdom that you are more than your thoughts that relate to yourself. You created your image of self to exist and survive in the world, yet the eternal self does not associate with this likeness.
An authentic life requires you live according to your highest truth. It means embodying your innermost values which serve as guideposts for genuine living. Those who live an inauthentic life are prone to life’s struggle contained within the states of: boredom, mid-life crisis, addictions, infidelity, etc. They stray from their authentic self by buying into the false belief they are lacking in this respect.
Life succeeds through contrasts. It was Shakespeare who expressed through Hamlet that “there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
Whilst unsettling, life’s conflicting nature highlights our inner struggle to make sense of the world. This becomes clear as we dip our toes in the water to experience the other side. Thus a mid-life crisis becomes a call to heal unpleasant emotional conflicts we have abandoned. To stay stuck in a mid-life crisis however becomes a healing crisis vying for our attention.
As we merge with the authentic self, our problems, pain and struggles give rise to inspired living. We harmonise with our essential-self by integrating our highest values into the core of our being.
Self-analysis is a means to reawaken the authentic self by making conscious what was unconscious. I use reawaken since your default state at your conception is one of innocence and pure awareness. Byron Katie’s program The Work is a valuable healing and transformation tool which offers powerful insights for enquiring into unconscious beliefs to awaken the authentic self.
As you unite with the authentic self, a greater wholeness emerges to reveal the core self.
To appreciate a bird in song requires one to recognise the same tune within their own being. It is then our story of wholeness emerges out of the fog of separateness.
March 13, 2015
Five Ways to Empower Your Thoughts
“What the mind can conceive and believe, and the heart desire, you can achieve.” - Norman Vincent Peale
“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it,” remarked the Greek philosopher Aristotle.
If you were to read no further than that line, this article has served you well and imparted what is needed to direct your thoughts. Mastery of one’s mental faculty is not an elaborate undertaking, comprised of complex rituals. It is recognising that thoughts come and go from the mind, comparable to radio signals that deliver songs to your music device.
They are similar and yet dissimilar. Unlike a music device which can be turned off, or the stations changed to suit your preference, thoughts are fixed. That is, they are part of your mental landscape. You cannot stop thoughts passing through your mind, although you can reduce the intensity of the thoughts by remaining attentive to them as they arise.
How do you empower your thoughts and why should you care? You know the expression, “Watch your thoughts. They become words. Watch your words. They become deeds. Watch your deeds. They become habits. Watch your habits. They become character. Character is everything.” And there lies the answer – thoughts build character.
Your thoughts shape your identity – those fragments of mind which pass through your brain 70,000 times a day, create the fundamental person that is you. If you are not convinced of this, recall your last angry thought and note how it affected your physiology. Man’s orientation toward stress nowadays stems from recurring restless thoughts which become stuck in a feedback loop.
Use the following points to empower your thoughts without succumbing to the incessant inner dialogue. I encourage you not to be besieged by thoughts since they do not happen to you. Thoughts arise through you, as long as you remain in a state of equilibrium.
“No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit.” - Helen Keller
1. Observe Your Thoughts: The first step to empower your thoughts is to realise disempowering thoughts are part of your mental landscape. Change cannot take place in the midst of uncertainty. We must measure the impact of our thoughts to modify our default setting. Consider your answers to the following questions. When do disempowering thoughts appear? When you’re tired, hungry, or emotional? What is the theme of the thoughts? Are they self-deprecating, shameful, or resentful? Attentiveness is the act of triggering consciousness to witness thoughts, without creating the accompanying storyline. In his book, Simply Notice, author Peter Francis Dziuban states, “Similarly, just by being the simple, clear awareness you naturally, normally are, the fog of excessive thinking evaporates too.”
2. Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness means being aware of your thoughts by bringing them to the forefront of your mind. You need not examine every thought. Instead, you become awake and mindful of disempowering thoughts as they appear, intending to trip the circuit before they become runaway thoughts. You refuse to accept your thoughts as real, knowing they constitute your mind’s biological landscape. You recognise they are conversations taking place inside your head, that naturally arise and fall. Their ebb and flow is transient, without a need to attach meaning to them. In his book, Positive Intelligence, author Shirzad Chamine states, “The most effective strategy for weakening your Saboteurs is to simply observe and label your thoughts or feelings every time you notice them.” The author implies by perceiving your thoughts is enough to disarm the inner critic, which we are predisposed to feeding.
3. Navigate Your Thoughts: Drop the relentless stories which play out in your mind. Why do we accept certain thoughts while discounting others? Thoughts are those fleeting episodes which come and go with no agenda. We are quick to question the thoughts of others simply because we cannot hear them, so why contemplate your own? Second, step back from your thoughts by refusing to become embroiled in them. Certain thoughts are prone to last longer than others, yet that does not mean you should give them more attention. To create a storyline based on thoughts which periodically pass through the mind is not conducive to your mental wellbeing. By accepting thoughts as real you fuel them with energy, like pouring kerosene on a burning flame. Witness them and stay detached so they don’t spiral out of control. As you practice this skill, your brain becomes adept at managing such thoughts.
4. Practice self-compassion: Self-compassion invites you to develop an attentive and sympathetic relationship with self. It is challenging to uphold empowering thoughts when the mind is turned on itself, amid the backdrop of incessant chatter. In her book, Self-compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind, author Kristin Neff states, “Compassion is, by definition, relational. Compassion literally means “to suffer with,” which implies a basic mutuality in the experience of suffering. The emotion of compassion springs from the recognition that the human experience is imperfect.” Witness your inner dialogue when life does not go according to plan. Many people continue to perpetuate a sabotaging inner dialogue acquired during childhood. Self-compassion is effective for enhancing self-esteem by reinforcing the image of a secure self.
5. Reframe Old Beliefs: Your beliefs hold the key to empowering thoughts as they represent your accumulated experiences. The sum of your thoughts decide your reality. As a result, your perceptions form the lens in which your deeply held beliefs are realised. It makes sense that your attention be directed towards your wishes. Far too many people waste countless hours recounting what they don’t want. Whilst merit is obtained in knowing what you don’t want, the contrasting view invites you to focus on your desires to bring them to life. Consider destructive thoughts as a car sliding out of control. Your task is to command your thoughts by directing it in the desired direction. As you become proficient at this, your thoughts are less likely to become uncontrollable.
“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it,” remarked the Greek philosopher Aristotle.
If you were to read no further than that line, this article has served you well and imparted what is needed to direct your thoughts. Mastery of one’s mental faculty is not an elaborate undertaking, comprised of complex rituals. It is recognising that thoughts come and go from the mind, comparable to radio signals that deliver songs to your music device.
They are similar and yet dissimilar. Unlike a music device which can be turned off, or the stations changed to suit your preference, thoughts are fixed. That is, they are part of your mental landscape. You cannot stop thoughts passing through your mind, although you can reduce the intensity of the thoughts by remaining attentive to them as they arise.
How do you empower your thoughts and why should you care? You know the expression, “Watch your thoughts. They become words. Watch your words. They become deeds. Watch your deeds. They become habits. Watch your habits. They become character. Character is everything.” And there lies the answer – thoughts build character.
Your thoughts shape your identity – those fragments of mind which pass through your brain 70,000 times a day, create the fundamental person that is you. If you are not convinced of this, recall your last angry thought and note how it affected your physiology. Man’s orientation toward stress nowadays stems from recurring restless thoughts which become stuck in a feedback loop.
Use the following points to empower your thoughts without succumbing to the incessant inner dialogue. I encourage you not to be besieged by thoughts since they do not happen to you. Thoughts arise through you, as long as you remain in a state of equilibrium.
“No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit.” - Helen Keller
1. Observe Your Thoughts: The first step to empower your thoughts is to realise disempowering thoughts are part of your mental landscape. Change cannot take place in the midst of uncertainty. We must measure the impact of our thoughts to modify our default setting. Consider your answers to the following questions. When do disempowering thoughts appear? When you’re tired, hungry, or emotional? What is the theme of the thoughts? Are they self-deprecating, shameful, or resentful? Attentiveness is the act of triggering consciousness to witness thoughts, without creating the accompanying storyline. In his book, Simply Notice, author Peter Francis Dziuban states, “Similarly, just by being the simple, clear awareness you naturally, normally are, the fog of excessive thinking evaporates too.”
2. Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness means being aware of your thoughts by bringing them to the forefront of your mind. You need not examine every thought. Instead, you become awake and mindful of disempowering thoughts as they appear, intending to trip the circuit before they become runaway thoughts. You refuse to accept your thoughts as real, knowing they constitute your mind’s biological landscape. You recognise they are conversations taking place inside your head, that naturally arise and fall. Their ebb and flow is transient, without a need to attach meaning to them. In his book, Positive Intelligence, author Shirzad Chamine states, “The most effective strategy for weakening your Saboteurs is to simply observe and label your thoughts or feelings every time you notice them.” The author implies by perceiving your thoughts is enough to disarm the inner critic, which we are predisposed to feeding.
3. Navigate Your Thoughts: Drop the relentless stories which play out in your mind. Why do we accept certain thoughts while discounting others? Thoughts are those fleeting episodes which come and go with no agenda. We are quick to question the thoughts of others simply because we cannot hear them, so why contemplate your own? Second, step back from your thoughts by refusing to become embroiled in them. Certain thoughts are prone to last longer than others, yet that does not mean you should give them more attention. To create a storyline based on thoughts which periodically pass through the mind is not conducive to your mental wellbeing. By accepting thoughts as real you fuel them with energy, like pouring kerosene on a burning flame. Witness them and stay detached so they don’t spiral out of control. As you practice this skill, your brain becomes adept at managing such thoughts.
4. Practice self-compassion: Self-compassion invites you to develop an attentive and sympathetic relationship with self. It is challenging to uphold empowering thoughts when the mind is turned on itself, amid the backdrop of incessant chatter. In her book, Self-compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind, author Kristin Neff states, “Compassion is, by definition, relational. Compassion literally means “to suffer with,” which implies a basic mutuality in the experience of suffering. The emotion of compassion springs from the recognition that the human experience is imperfect.” Witness your inner dialogue when life does not go according to plan. Many people continue to perpetuate a sabotaging inner dialogue acquired during childhood. Self-compassion is effective for enhancing self-esteem by reinforcing the image of a secure self.
5. Reframe Old Beliefs: Your beliefs hold the key to empowering thoughts as they represent your accumulated experiences. The sum of your thoughts decide your reality. As a result, your perceptions form the lens in which your deeply held beliefs are realised. It makes sense that your attention be directed towards your wishes. Far too many people waste countless hours recounting what they don’t want. Whilst merit is obtained in knowing what you don’t want, the contrasting view invites you to focus on your desires to bring them to life. Consider destructive thoughts as a car sliding out of control. Your task is to command your thoughts by directing it in the desired direction. As you become proficient at this, your thoughts are less likely to become uncontrollable.
March 5, 2015
Obstacles Illuminate the Path to Success
“Success is determined not by whether or not you face obstacles, but by your reaction to them. And if you look at these obstacles as a containing fence, they become your excuse for failure. If you look at them as a hurdle, each one strengthens you for the next.” – Ben Carson, Gifted Hands
In his book, Meditations, Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius declared, “The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” He was referring to the obstacles which stand in the way of success to reveal the path ahead. Consider the following fable to underline this ideal.
Two identical acorns from the same oak tree are planted in distinct locations. One is grown in the middle of a dense forest while the other on a steep hill by itself. The oak on the steep hillside is exposed to frequent storms and fierce gale winds. As a result, its roots plummet deep into the earth spreading in every direction, enfolding giant boulders to secure its position. While the tree isn't growing fast enough, the growth is occurring underground. It is as though the roots know they must protect the tree from the threatening elements by positioning itself firmly beneath the soil.
The acorn planted in the forest becomes a weak, frail sapling ¬having to compete with other giant oaks for nutrients and space. Since protected by neighbouring trees larger and stronger, the little oak does not see the need to spread its roots for support.
Obstacles compel you to turn your weaknesses into strengths, instead of cowering from them as many people do. They exist not to be surrendered to but to be overcome, for in overcoming do we gain the inner conviction and resilience to succeed. Obstacles illuminate the path to success by exposing challenges in which to overcome, thus ensuring victory is attainable. They are goal-posts leading you towards goal achievement.
Consider your most recent motivation to pursue a goal. What obstacles became clear to you along the way? How did you overcome the obstacle? What insights did you gain? For several clients whom I have worked with over the years, the single biggest impediment to success occurs months into their wellness campaign. Enthusiasm gives rise to unforeseen obstacles which impose upon their success to lose weight or improve their health. Yet contained within each obstacle, a renewed optimism to gain valuable lessons and key insights is made.
Obstacles highlight limiting beliefs or neglected emotional conflicts, which need your attention if you seek to meet success. It is the opportunity to reconcile with facets of your character opposed to the obstacle. Take for example the fear of success, which cripples individuals well before they set out towards pursuing their goal. By attending to your fears before realising your achievements, you are better suited to savour the victory when it arrives. A successful person inundated with fear is no more successful than the sum of his fears, looming over him akin to a dark cloud.
Obstacles reinforce a resilient mindset by allowing us to develop mental fortitude, mainly when victory is attainable. It underscores the person you have become in light of the obstacles faced. Comparable to the acorn tree roots plummeting deep into the earth, life exposes weeds from our psyche if we stay attentive to the lessons learned. Thus, obstacles serve as necessary mental and emotional growth. To highlight this idea, authors Jeff Brown and Mark Fenske state in their book, The Winner’s Brain, “Resilience and Motivation are two of the critical abilities for which Winner’s Brains are wired.”
Obstacles may be regarded as a transitory state, yet your thoughts relating to the obstacles may become permanent. In his book, Falling Into Grace, author Adyashanti asserts, “when we believe what we think, when we take our thinking to be reality, we will suffer.” In light of this, obstacles are not the cause of your problems. Your reaction to the obstacles which highlight an error in your thinking is what needs your attention.
It is vital to appreciate that nothing is fixed nor permanent. Life is subject to change and fluctuations, which rise and fall in line with the seasons. Every so-called problem contains the seed of opportunity and the womb of creation. If we stay attentive to the underlying lessons, we transform the experience into personal triumph.
Your obstacles give way to fundamental lessons and breakthroughs since they reinforce vital clues leading to success. Every attempt to overcome an obstacle strengthens a pathway to success. It is not in overcoming the obstacle we prevail. It is by being observant to the lessons conveyed on account of the obstacle, that we gain valuable insights.
As you reflect on your recent challenges, pause for a moment to consider the lessons gained to overcome them. Contemplate your answer to the following question, “What does the greater intelligence within me seek to learn from this experience?” There is always a greater lesson vested in the personal discovery of a gift you are yet to harness.
As you awaken that potential, the path toward success is illuminated.
In his book, Meditations, Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius declared, “The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” He was referring to the obstacles which stand in the way of success to reveal the path ahead. Consider the following fable to underline this ideal.
Two identical acorns from the same oak tree are planted in distinct locations. One is grown in the middle of a dense forest while the other on a steep hill by itself. The oak on the steep hillside is exposed to frequent storms and fierce gale winds. As a result, its roots plummet deep into the earth spreading in every direction, enfolding giant boulders to secure its position. While the tree isn't growing fast enough, the growth is occurring underground. It is as though the roots know they must protect the tree from the threatening elements by positioning itself firmly beneath the soil.
The acorn planted in the forest becomes a weak, frail sapling ¬having to compete with other giant oaks for nutrients and space. Since protected by neighbouring trees larger and stronger, the little oak does not see the need to spread its roots for support.
Obstacles compel you to turn your weaknesses into strengths, instead of cowering from them as many people do. They exist not to be surrendered to but to be overcome, for in overcoming do we gain the inner conviction and resilience to succeed. Obstacles illuminate the path to success by exposing challenges in which to overcome, thus ensuring victory is attainable. They are goal-posts leading you towards goal achievement.
Consider your most recent motivation to pursue a goal. What obstacles became clear to you along the way? How did you overcome the obstacle? What insights did you gain? For several clients whom I have worked with over the years, the single biggest impediment to success occurs months into their wellness campaign. Enthusiasm gives rise to unforeseen obstacles which impose upon their success to lose weight or improve their health. Yet contained within each obstacle, a renewed optimism to gain valuable lessons and key insights is made.
Obstacles highlight limiting beliefs or neglected emotional conflicts, which need your attention if you seek to meet success. It is the opportunity to reconcile with facets of your character opposed to the obstacle. Take for example the fear of success, which cripples individuals well before they set out towards pursuing their goal. By attending to your fears before realising your achievements, you are better suited to savour the victory when it arrives. A successful person inundated with fear is no more successful than the sum of his fears, looming over him akin to a dark cloud.
Obstacles reinforce a resilient mindset by allowing us to develop mental fortitude, mainly when victory is attainable. It underscores the person you have become in light of the obstacles faced. Comparable to the acorn tree roots plummeting deep into the earth, life exposes weeds from our psyche if we stay attentive to the lessons learned. Thus, obstacles serve as necessary mental and emotional growth. To highlight this idea, authors Jeff Brown and Mark Fenske state in their book, The Winner’s Brain, “Resilience and Motivation are two of the critical abilities for which Winner’s Brains are wired.”
Obstacles may be regarded as a transitory state, yet your thoughts relating to the obstacles may become permanent. In his book, Falling Into Grace, author Adyashanti asserts, “when we believe what we think, when we take our thinking to be reality, we will suffer.” In light of this, obstacles are not the cause of your problems. Your reaction to the obstacles which highlight an error in your thinking is what needs your attention.
It is vital to appreciate that nothing is fixed nor permanent. Life is subject to change and fluctuations, which rise and fall in line with the seasons. Every so-called problem contains the seed of opportunity and the womb of creation. If we stay attentive to the underlying lessons, we transform the experience into personal triumph.
Your obstacles give way to fundamental lessons and breakthroughs since they reinforce vital clues leading to success. Every attempt to overcome an obstacle strengthens a pathway to success. It is not in overcoming the obstacle we prevail. It is by being observant to the lessons conveyed on account of the obstacle, that we gain valuable insights.
As you reflect on your recent challenges, pause for a moment to consider the lessons gained to overcome them. Contemplate your answer to the following question, “What does the greater intelligence within me seek to learn from this experience?” There is always a greater lesson vested in the personal discovery of a gift you are yet to harness.
As you awaken that potential, the path toward success is illuminated.
February 27, 2015
Leave No Stone Unturned In Your Desire for Success
“To find what you seek in the road of life, the best proverb of all is that which says: "Leave no stone unturned." - Edward Bulwer Lytton
In an ancient Greek fable, the playwright Euripides conveys a story of an army general who buries a large treasure in his tent, following his defeat in battle. When the conquering general and his troops could not locate the treasure, they consulted the Oracle of Delphi who advised them to look under every stone. The conquering general returned to the site where the tent was situated, ordering his troops to search under every stone until the treasure was uncovered.
The tale by Euripides, used since the 1500s, depicts man’s unbending desire to pursue every course of action to achieve his outcome. Consider the relevance of this story in your own life. Is there a goal or dream you are determined to achieve with a vehement desire?
Giving up is an easy way out since it abandons the need to concede failure and the ensuing emotions which arise from defeat. Yet character is formed in defeat, similar to the process where carbon dioxide when applied with intense heat and pressure, gives rise to form a diamond.
I’d like you to consider leaving no stone unturned in your pursuit to realise a particular goal or outcome. That is, adopt an unrelenting desire to pursue that which burns deep in your heart. Have you noticed, those who strike upon success have an unyielding tenacity not to lose sight of their vision?
Similar to a dog who refuses to let go of his bone until he has gnawed at it, thus reducing it to nothing more than bone fragments, you must strive to exhaust all avenues before retreating into defeat. Often, we believe every course of action is being undertaken, yet something is always lurking around the corner, waiting to command our attention.
People who seek a cure for disease or illness, may spend years searching for a solution to no avail. Yet, as they abandon hope, a likely solution is brought to light when they least expect it. Therefore, I urge you to stay vigilant, yet in a state of expectation without a projected outcome of how your goal will come to bear.
Consider your answer to this question - what is it you desire? We spend a great deal of time protesting what we don’t want, to the detriment of our true desires. Your subconscious mind constantly scans your innermost thoughts and daydreams. It does so by filtering pertinent information to reveal patterns of thought, particular to your character. Therefore, given your commitment, giving up should be the last resort until all avenues have been exhausted.
Similarly, what you set out to achieve may not be realised in the form you intended. Many of the world’s greatest inventions came to life because of an accident or mishap. Consider the inventions we take for granted nowadays such as: Post-it notes, Penicillin, the microwave oven, Velcro and x-rays. Such inventions arose out of mere accident and countless errors.
It is no surprise that vigilance, tenacity and an unrelenting desire are paramount in your quest to succeed. This principle applies to most areas of life: improving personal finances, career, entrepreneurship and seeking a committed relationship. I invite you to think in terms of infinite possibilities.
In their book, The Winner’s Brain: 8 Strategies Great Minds Use to Achieve Success, authors Jeff Brown and Mark Fenske state, “A Winner’s Brain is very good at tuning out distractions and choosing the best way to focus on a task (there are different types of focus the brain is capable of) in order to get the best outcome.” The ability to tune out distractions becomes a focal point to realise your intended outcome. The winner’s mind is goal orientated, given its laser focus to stay committed to the project until it has come to life.
Regrettably, most people adopt the suck it and see approach to goal attainment, eluding to the English expression of, “giving it a go” while attentive to what eventuates in the process. Whilst merit is gained in adopting this approach, it is better suited towards smaller goals rather than risk gambling with the game of life. A more likely strategy calls for developing a compelling inner resolve to pursue the goal til the end - far too many people give up, just when the tide turns. Whilst you may not appreciate how close you were, in hindsight you might lament your missed opportunity. I invite you to consider the timely quote by the late author and motivational speaker Jim Rohn, which invites us to reflect upon the value of regret, “We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment.”
To leave no stone unturned in your quest for success, requires restrained patience and biding your time. In support, a steadfast vigilance to realise a successful outcome is similarly paramount. I suggest you alternate between these two states, given that patience and vigilance tend to oppose one another. Do not abandon hope when all seems lost, that is the time when the tide turns in your favour. Life is bound by unexpected change when you least expect it.
In concluding, pursue everything in your power to realise your goal, then turn it over to the universe to usher in the ideal outcome. It was in Dan Millman’s book, Way of the Peaceful Warrior, where he reminds us of the following affirmation, “I no longer presume to know how life should come or go; letting go in this way brings a sense of freedom. This doesn’t mean I don’t care or have no preferences. My actions naturally follow the call of my heart, my interests, my values. I make efforts in my personal and professional life in alignment with my goals. But once I've taken aim and loosed the arrows from the bow, I can only wait with interest to see where it will land.”
Assume the same inner conviction towards your vision of success. Sure enough, when you least expect it, success will greet you in the timeliest hour.
In an ancient Greek fable, the playwright Euripides conveys a story of an army general who buries a large treasure in his tent, following his defeat in battle. When the conquering general and his troops could not locate the treasure, they consulted the Oracle of Delphi who advised them to look under every stone. The conquering general returned to the site where the tent was situated, ordering his troops to search under every stone until the treasure was uncovered.
The tale by Euripides, used since the 1500s, depicts man’s unbending desire to pursue every course of action to achieve his outcome. Consider the relevance of this story in your own life. Is there a goal or dream you are determined to achieve with a vehement desire?
Giving up is an easy way out since it abandons the need to concede failure and the ensuing emotions which arise from defeat. Yet character is formed in defeat, similar to the process where carbon dioxide when applied with intense heat and pressure, gives rise to form a diamond.
I’d like you to consider leaving no stone unturned in your pursuit to realise a particular goal or outcome. That is, adopt an unrelenting desire to pursue that which burns deep in your heart. Have you noticed, those who strike upon success have an unyielding tenacity not to lose sight of their vision?
Similar to a dog who refuses to let go of his bone until he has gnawed at it, thus reducing it to nothing more than bone fragments, you must strive to exhaust all avenues before retreating into defeat. Often, we believe every course of action is being undertaken, yet something is always lurking around the corner, waiting to command our attention.
People who seek a cure for disease or illness, may spend years searching for a solution to no avail. Yet, as they abandon hope, a likely solution is brought to light when they least expect it. Therefore, I urge you to stay vigilant, yet in a state of expectation without a projected outcome of how your goal will come to bear.
Consider your answer to this question - what is it you desire? We spend a great deal of time protesting what we don’t want, to the detriment of our true desires. Your subconscious mind constantly scans your innermost thoughts and daydreams. It does so by filtering pertinent information to reveal patterns of thought, particular to your character. Therefore, given your commitment, giving up should be the last resort until all avenues have been exhausted.
Similarly, what you set out to achieve may not be realised in the form you intended. Many of the world’s greatest inventions came to life because of an accident or mishap. Consider the inventions we take for granted nowadays such as: Post-it notes, Penicillin, the microwave oven, Velcro and x-rays. Such inventions arose out of mere accident and countless errors.
It is no surprise that vigilance, tenacity and an unrelenting desire are paramount in your quest to succeed. This principle applies to most areas of life: improving personal finances, career, entrepreneurship and seeking a committed relationship. I invite you to think in terms of infinite possibilities.
In their book, The Winner’s Brain: 8 Strategies Great Minds Use to Achieve Success, authors Jeff Brown and Mark Fenske state, “A Winner’s Brain is very good at tuning out distractions and choosing the best way to focus on a task (there are different types of focus the brain is capable of) in order to get the best outcome.” The ability to tune out distractions becomes a focal point to realise your intended outcome. The winner’s mind is goal orientated, given its laser focus to stay committed to the project until it has come to life.
Regrettably, most people adopt the suck it and see approach to goal attainment, eluding to the English expression of, “giving it a go” while attentive to what eventuates in the process. Whilst merit is gained in adopting this approach, it is better suited towards smaller goals rather than risk gambling with the game of life. A more likely strategy calls for developing a compelling inner resolve to pursue the goal til the end - far too many people give up, just when the tide turns. Whilst you may not appreciate how close you were, in hindsight you might lament your missed opportunity. I invite you to consider the timely quote by the late author and motivational speaker Jim Rohn, which invites us to reflect upon the value of regret, “We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment.”
To leave no stone unturned in your quest for success, requires restrained patience and biding your time. In support, a steadfast vigilance to realise a successful outcome is similarly paramount. I suggest you alternate between these two states, given that patience and vigilance tend to oppose one another. Do not abandon hope when all seems lost, that is the time when the tide turns in your favour. Life is bound by unexpected change when you least expect it.
In concluding, pursue everything in your power to realise your goal, then turn it over to the universe to usher in the ideal outcome. It was in Dan Millman’s book, Way of the Peaceful Warrior, where he reminds us of the following affirmation, “I no longer presume to know how life should come or go; letting go in this way brings a sense of freedom. This doesn’t mean I don’t care or have no preferences. My actions naturally follow the call of my heart, my interests, my values. I make efforts in my personal and professional life in alignment with my goals. But once I've taken aim and loosed the arrows from the bow, I can only wait with interest to see where it will land.”
Assume the same inner conviction towards your vision of success. Sure enough, when you least expect it, success will greet you in the timeliest hour.
December 11, 2014
The Journey Matters More Than the Destination
“Not I, nor anyone else can travel that road for you.
You must travel it by yourself.
It is not far. It is within reach.
Perhaps you have been on it since you were born, and did not know.
Perhaps it is everywhere - on water and land.” - Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass
The journey to reach your goals far exceeds the goal itself.
Furthermore, the final outcome may not be as significant as you’ve been led to believe.
Two bold statements, yes I know. Indulge me for a brief moment as we explore further.
Reflect on a substantial goal you accomplished in the past year. Would you have reached the goal were it not for the steps taken to get there?
Goal attainment is a by-product of one’s journey. In the same way, losing weight is inevitable when you implement healthy nutritional habits and lifestyle changes.
The journey to achieve a goal is governed by: the person you become along the way, the skills acquired, the connections made and the inner growth which takes place.
Goal setting is a term burned into our psyche from an early age. We are told that goals represent the cornerstone of every victory, notwithstanding the foundations which are crucial to support those goals.
Whilst there is some merit in that advice, you’ll be surprised to learn many successful people set out with little or no goals, yet still managed to achieve notable success. Their underlying motivation was grounded in continuous improvement and acquiring valuable skills.
Nowadays, countless self-help books, blogs and master classes are devoted to coaching people on goal setting. We’re counselled against setting unrealistic goals, since they’re less likely to be realised. Rather, it is advised to outline clear and manageable goals which affords you the opportunity to chart your progress more effectively.
Depicted in the following quote by Woody Allen is the understanding that there is a greater force operating in the backdrop of our lives managing the finer details, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”
The underlying message is that life never goes according to plan. Life becomes replete with the meaning you assign it. It is upheld by your passion toward your purpose.
In keeping with the message of shifting focus off your goal, author Michael Neil reaffirms this point in his book Supercoach, “Obsessing about goals is like playing a game of fetch with yourself, using your happiness and self-worth as the bone.”
I wish to offer you the following thoughts echoed in the advice to savour the journey rather than having a fixed outcome for your goals.
“Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is often more important than the outcome.” - Arthur Ashe
1. Arriving Rather Than Striving: Life is a series of smaller destinations. The goal in life is not to acquire things or certain people to complete you. Such goals are bound to cause suffering once they vanish from your life – easy come, easy go.
When your focus is on the goal alone, you forfeit the lessons and wonderful experiences that lie in-between. Your subconscious mind and accompanying biology are formed in such a way as to support your success.
Appreciate the journey by trusting that you have the wherewithal to accomplish any task you set your mind upon, once your will and intention are firmly grounded. The journey is the essence of where life exists in all her glory.
2. Take Your Eyes Off The Prize: Have you ever undertaken a goal to lose weight, with a certain number in mind? Do you recall what method you employed to arrive at such a figure? I’m confident it was about as random as selecting numbers for the weekly lottery.
Goals are meaningless without the intermediary process to get you there. The journey is where your goals are formed and realised. You may find that in losing weight, you acquire certain skills or undertake several lifestyle changes which you previously would not have considered.
If you rush the process and achieve your goal in the shortest amount of time, you forego the experiences along the way which cement your new habits.
As you take your eyes off the prize and enjoy the journey, you develop the ability to sharpen the saw as Stephen Covey lays out in his acclaimed book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. That is, you learn to preserve and enhance your personal self.
3. The Journey Builds Character: Character is shaped on the path to your goals. Strength of character is developed throughout the journey via the trials and lessons experienced.
You will call upon these lessons when you attain your goal, much like an athlete who spends countless hours in training, honing their performance. Those skills will be harnessed at the appropriate time.
Helen Keller reminds us of the virtue of character in the following quote, “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” You see, the journey becomes the focal point, since you gain innumerable resources along the way which renders the goal far more rewarding in the end.
You’ve heard it said that successful people are adaptable. They know what they want and pursue it with intense determination. They are receptive to the process of life and do not have fixed outcomes on how their goals will be achieved.
Now is a good time as any to take your foot off the accelerator and slip into cruise control. Rest assured you’ll continue to arrive at smaller destinations, which pave the way for a rewarding and fulfilling journey, replete with fulfilling life experiences.
More importantly the journey becomes a continual process of refinement, leading you toward your ultimate victory – the accomplishment of your goal and the strength of character to match.
You must travel it by yourself.
It is not far. It is within reach.
Perhaps you have been on it since you were born, and did not know.
Perhaps it is everywhere - on water and land.” - Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass
The journey to reach your goals far exceeds the goal itself.
Furthermore, the final outcome may not be as significant as you’ve been led to believe.
Two bold statements, yes I know. Indulge me for a brief moment as we explore further.
Reflect on a substantial goal you accomplished in the past year. Would you have reached the goal were it not for the steps taken to get there?
Goal attainment is a by-product of one’s journey. In the same way, losing weight is inevitable when you implement healthy nutritional habits and lifestyle changes.
The journey to achieve a goal is governed by: the person you become along the way, the skills acquired, the connections made and the inner growth which takes place.
Goal setting is a term burned into our psyche from an early age. We are told that goals represent the cornerstone of every victory, notwithstanding the foundations which are crucial to support those goals.
Whilst there is some merit in that advice, you’ll be surprised to learn many successful people set out with little or no goals, yet still managed to achieve notable success. Their underlying motivation was grounded in continuous improvement and acquiring valuable skills.
Nowadays, countless self-help books, blogs and master classes are devoted to coaching people on goal setting. We’re counselled against setting unrealistic goals, since they’re less likely to be realised. Rather, it is advised to outline clear and manageable goals which affords you the opportunity to chart your progress more effectively.
Depicted in the following quote by Woody Allen is the understanding that there is a greater force operating in the backdrop of our lives managing the finer details, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”
The underlying message is that life never goes according to plan. Life becomes replete with the meaning you assign it. It is upheld by your passion toward your purpose.
In keeping with the message of shifting focus off your goal, author Michael Neil reaffirms this point in his book Supercoach, “Obsessing about goals is like playing a game of fetch with yourself, using your happiness and self-worth as the bone.”
I wish to offer you the following thoughts echoed in the advice to savour the journey rather than having a fixed outcome for your goals.
“Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is often more important than the outcome.” - Arthur Ashe
1. Arriving Rather Than Striving: Life is a series of smaller destinations. The goal in life is not to acquire things or certain people to complete you. Such goals are bound to cause suffering once they vanish from your life – easy come, easy go.
When your focus is on the goal alone, you forfeit the lessons and wonderful experiences that lie in-between. Your subconscious mind and accompanying biology are formed in such a way as to support your success.
Appreciate the journey by trusting that you have the wherewithal to accomplish any task you set your mind upon, once your will and intention are firmly grounded. The journey is the essence of where life exists in all her glory.
2. Take Your Eyes Off The Prize: Have you ever undertaken a goal to lose weight, with a certain number in mind? Do you recall what method you employed to arrive at such a figure? I’m confident it was about as random as selecting numbers for the weekly lottery.
Goals are meaningless without the intermediary process to get you there. The journey is where your goals are formed and realised. You may find that in losing weight, you acquire certain skills or undertake several lifestyle changes which you previously would not have considered.
If you rush the process and achieve your goal in the shortest amount of time, you forego the experiences along the way which cement your new habits.
As you take your eyes off the prize and enjoy the journey, you develop the ability to sharpen the saw as Stephen Covey lays out in his acclaimed book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. That is, you learn to preserve and enhance your personal self.
3. The Journey Builds Character: Character is shaped on the path to your goals. Strength of character is developed throughout the journey via the trials and lessons experienced.
You will call upon these lessons when you attain your goal, much like an athlete who spends countless hours in training, honing their performance. Those skills will be harnessed at the appropriate time.
Helen Keller reminds us of the virtue of character in the following quote, “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” You see, the journey becomes the focal point, since you gain innumerable resources along the way which renders the goal far more rewarding in the end.
You’ve heard it said that successful people are adaptable. They know what they want and pursue it with intense determination. They are receptive to the process of life and do not have fixed outcomes on how their goals will be achieved.
Now is a good time as any to take your foot off the accelerator and slip into cruise control. Rest assured you’ll continue to arrive at smaller destinations, which pave the way for a rewarding and fulfilling journey, replete with fulfilling life experiences.
More importantly the journey becomes a continual process of refinement, leading you toward your ultimate victory – the accomplishment of your goal and the strength of character to match.
December 4, 2014
How to Build Powerful Relationships
“Never idealise others. They will never live up to your expectations. Don’t over-analyse your relationships. Stop playing games. A growing relationship can only be nurtured by genuineness.” - Leo F. Buscaglia
Reflections of Ourselves
Relationships are the most significant and nourishing experiences of our lives if approached with an open mind and a compassionate heart.
Take a moment to reflect on an existing relationship which may be causing you distress. Although you share a common bond, there may possibly be a differing of opinions which warrants disagreement at times.
What particular aspect of that person gives rise to the conflict? Is it a behaviour, a certain quality or a general character flaw you find difficult to balance out? Don’t over-analyse the trait – simply become aware of it in your mind. Merely perceiving the other person’s indifference is sufficient to enhance your awareness of the issue.
Why do you have an aversion to that particular quality about them?
Let us consider the characteristic of arrogance as an example to work through in this instance. As you see it, the other person exudes an arrogance which you find less appealing at times. You feel the relationship would be more grounded in a formidable way if it weren't for their conceited ways.
In previous articles, I stated that the universe maintains an intricate order. There are no accidents – nothing happens by chance; even a blade of grass is accounted for within the cosmos.
If we consider this idea, could it be conceivable that you co-created the experience of this person into your life in order to learn and grow? I affirm that it takes two to tango – furthermore, problems are always encountered at the level of the perceiver.
This person may be disguised in the form of a valuable experience directing your personal development. However, we may not be quite ready for the lesson just yet and so the troublesome experience will continue to persist.
You cannot maintain a relationship that is one sided. That is, there can never be an over-supply of enriching moments within a relationship, since there would be little or no inner growth. Relationship challenges expose the cracks in your character in order to integrate them into the wholeness of your being.
As you’ve no doubt realised, those you are connected to bring out the best and worst in you. They uncover your flaws by reflecting a mirror onto them. In doing so, you are called to examine and heal that aspect of yourself, not retreat into apathy.
Therefore, do not bemoan when a relationship has run its course. There is an energetic current which takes place in all living things. Oftentimes people come into your life for a brief duration and leave in a similar manner. You may be left to wonder whether your actions contributed to their departure – rest assured that nature has served its purpose and it is time to move on.
“Each relationship nurtures a strength or weakness within you.” - Mike Murdock
Tuning In To Love
When a relationship ends unexpectedly, you may wish to take refuge in a simple mantra: “How would LOVE respond in my situation?”
In an article titled How to Raise Your Consciousness, I outlined the case for raising your consciousness to the level of LOVE in order to attract harmonious relationships.
When I talk about love, I am not referring to the romantic connection which exists between two people. I am describing the energetic frequency that is your authentic state of being. Were it not for love, how would you express your appreciation toward a loved one?
As you align with the frequency of love, you invoke deeper and richer relationships, which are entrusted in a higher energetic force. Everything within the universe is energy, pulsating at a low or high vibrational rate.
To gain clarity on an existing relationship which threatens your emotional wellbeing, contemplate the following points:
1. Invite the power of LOVE with its higher frequency into your life on a regular basis. Albert Einstein said, “You cannot solve a problem with the same level of thinking that created it.” In a similar tone, Deepak Chopra asserts that love is stronger than gravity. Therefore, expand your consciousness beyond your perceived awareness in order to support this powerful state of being.
2. Consider what lesson you are invited to learn in the context of your current relationship. Posing the following question, “What lesson does the greater intelligence within me seek from this experience?” becomes an invitation to connect with your infinite wisdom. Rest assured, every lesson will be vested in LOVE. Your conflicts are signposts directing you toward love.
3. Ponder the following question, “What aspect of myself, whether favourable or undesirable is the other person highlighting?” If the other person is an emotional blanket, devoid of connecting with their feelings, consider how you might be mirroring their behaviour?
When others accentuate a negative quality within you, in that very moment you have sought to disown that aspect if you are not at peace with yourself. This becomes the root of your suffering if the pain is left unexamined. Furthermore, it underscores the need to heal the separation within so as to build a stronger foundation for the connection to thrive.
Relationship problems are not inclined to defeat you, rather they are a call to heal a disowned aspect of yourself by bringing the wound to the surface.
Consider it akin to a splinter of wood lodged in your finger. By removing the splinter, not only do you heal the physical wound, you simultaneously reveal a layer of oneself previously concealed by your emotional pain.
Reflections of Ourselves
Relationships are the most significant and nourishing experiences of our lives if approached with an open mind and a compassionate heart.
Take a moment to reflect on an existing relationship which may be causing you distress. Although you share a common bond, there may possibly be a differing of opinions which warrants disagreement at times.
What particular aspect of that person gives rise to the conflict? Is it a behaviour, a certain quality or a general character flaw you find difficult to balance out? Don’t over-analyse the trait – simply become aware of it in your mind. Merely perceiving the other person’s indifference is sufficient to enhance your awareness of the issue.
Why do you have an aversion to that particular quality about them?
Let us consider the characteristic of arrogance as an example to work through in this instance. As you see it, the other person exudes an arrogance which you find less appealing at times. You feel the relationship would be more grounded in a formidable way if it weren't for their conceited ways.
In previous articles, I stated that the universe maintains an intricate order. There are no accidents – nothing happens by chance; even a blade of grass is accounted for within the cosmos.
If we consider this idea, could it be conceivable that you co-created the experience of this person into your life in order to learn and grow? I affirm that it takes two to tango – furthermore, problems are always encountered at the level of the perceiver.
This person may be disguised in the form of a valuable experience directing your personal development. However, we may not be quite ready for the lesson just yet and so the troublesome experience will continue to persist.
You cannot maintain a relationship that is one sided. That is, there can never be an over-supply of enriching moments within a relationship, since there would be little or no inner growth. Relationship challenges expose the cracks in your character in order to integrate them into the wholeness of your being.
As you’ve no doubt realised, those you are connected to bring out the best and worst in you. They uncover your flaws by reflecting a mirror onto them. In doing so, you are called to examine and heal that aspect of yourself, not retreat into apathy.
Therefore, do not bemoan when a relationship has run its course. There is an energetic current which takes place in all living things. Oftentimes people come into your life for a brief duration and leave in a similar manner. You may be left to wonder whether your actions contributed to their departure – rest assured that nature has served its purpose and it is time to move on.
“Each relationship nurtures a strength or weakness within you.” - Mike Murdock
Tuning In To Love
When a relationship ends unexpectedly, you may wish to take refuge in a simple mantra: “How would LOVE respond in my situation?”
In an article titled How to Raise Your Consciousness, I outlined the case for raising your consciousness to the level of LOVE in order to attract harmonious relationships.
When I talk about love, I am not referring to the romantic connection which exists between two people. I am describing the energetic frequency that is your authentic state of being. Were it not for love, how would you express your appreciation toward a loved one?
As you align with the frequency of love, you invoke deeper and richer relationships, which are entrusted in a higher energetic force. Everything within the universe is energy, pulsating at a low or high vibrational rate.
To gain clarity on an existing relationship which threatens your emotional wellbeing, contemplate the following points:
1. Invite the power of LOVE with its higher frequency into your life on a regular basis. Albert Einstein said, “You cannot solve a problem with the same level of thinking that created it.” In a similar tone, Deepak Chopra asserts that love is stronger than gravity. Therefore, expand your consciousness beyond your perceived awareness in order to support this powerful state of being.
2. Consider what lesson you are invited to learn in the context of your current relationship. Posing the following question, “What lesson does the greater intelligence within me seek from this experience?” becomes an invitation to connect with your infinite wisdom. Rest assured, every lesson will be vested in LOVE. Your conflicts are signposts directing you toward love.
3. Ponder the following question, “What aspect of myself, whether favourable or undesirable is the other person highlighting?” If the other person is an emotional blanket, devoid of connecting with their feelings, consider how you might be mirroring their behaviour?
When others accentuate a negative quality within you, in that very moment you have sought to disown that aspect if you are not at peace with yourself. This becomes the root of your suffering if the pain is left unexamined. Furthermore, it underscores the need to heal the separation within so as to build a stronger foundation for the connection to thrive.
Relationship problems are not inclined to defeat you, rather they are a call to heal a disowned aspect of yourself by bringing the wound to the surface.
Consider it akin to a splinter of wood lodged in your finger. By removing the splinter, not only do you heal the physical wound, you simultaneously reveal a layer of oneself previously concealed by your emotional pain.
November 29, 2014
How to Live Life to the Fullest
“Man.
Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money.
Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health.
And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.” - The 14th Dalai Lama
I wish to draw your attention to a line from the Dalai Lama’s opening quote, “…he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”
What does it mean for you to live life to the fullest? What does life look like at this level?
I wish to offer my account to these questions in the coming paragraphs, while introducing four principles I trust will serve you well to connect with this ideal.
Upon first impressions, living life to the fullest invokes sentiments of travelling the world, while bathing in the beauty of life, experiencing deep and meaningful relationships, financial success and sustained health & wellbeing. Well at least that’s the image summoned up in my mind.
Notwithstanding the aforementioned, how do you know if you are living your life to the fullest? Is there a measure of progress which defines our trajectory? Moreover, if I were to survey one hundred people, I’m certain there would be varied opinions on what constitutes a deep and meaningful life.
For that reason it might be considered inconsequential how you live your life in light of other people’s definitions. A family friend often reminds me, “What other people think of me is none of my business.”
In keeping with this tenet, let us examine four principles which I believe form the foundation for living a rich and rewarding life.
“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.” - Helen Keller, The Open Door
Honour Yourself: Echoed in the quote by author Neil Gaiman, “...wherever you go, you take yourself with you…” raises our awareness that running away from our problems is not sustainable, since our problems are bound to catch up with us in the end.
Your relationship to others is governed by your level of self respect. Why? Consider for a moment a person’s interaction with others in light of a contracted self-worth. Their view of reality is defined by a distorted sense of self, represented by the unconscious belief: “I don’t respect myself; I don’t expect anyone to respect me and I will not respect others as a result.”
Therefore, as you honour yourself you accept people for who they are instead of whom you’d like them to be.
Honouring yourself entails complete acceptance of your insecurities, weaknesses and fears. It entails complete recognition of your wholeness, despite the mental façade which instructs you otherwise.
Here’s an insight - No one is perfect, even the Dalai Lama is prone to moments of anger. And yet he does not define himself as an angry person, since this is merely a fleeting emotion. If we allow an angry state to consume us, we eventually lose sight of our completeness. Honour your deepest nature which is vested in pure awareness, by refusing to define yourself via disempowering emotional states.
Live A Healthy Life: How are you able to recognise happiness when you are angry, irritable or sad? The mind will express any physical limitations held in the body and vice versa. This serves as your anchor point, alternatively known as subjective reality.
Have you noticed how some people often lament how sick and unwell they are? They strongly identify with their illness as a badge of honour, seeking constant sympathy to validate their suffering.
We are all prone to physical breakdowns eventually, since we inhabit a human form which is subject to ageing. However that does not necessitate accelerating the ageing process by focussing on your ailments. Let go of your need to identify with your complaints. This is not who you are.
It is your obligation to tend to your physical body in a dutiful manner. Nurture it daily. Don’t treat your body as you would a machine - that is neglect it, feed it poor nutrients and expect it to serve you like a master. You deserve better than that. Be kind to yourself by allowing the goodness of life to flow through you.
Face Your Fears: When you are consumed by fear, you remain captive to the emotion. Fear impedes your success and potential. It inhibits you from growing and evolving. It is wired into man’s DNA to thrive and prosper.
Remaining a prisoner to toxic emotions serves no place in your life other than to keep you trapped. I called this state, remaining Parked in my book, The Power to Navigate Life. The metaphysical relationship of being stagnant and stuck in comparison to Navigating Life.
Despite people’s beliefs, the opposite of fear is not courage - it is love. Love is the highest functioning order within the universe. Therefore fear becomes an illusion which is overcome with a loving and compassionate heart.
Face your fears by starting small. You don’t have to go up against it like a Samurai waging battle. Begin by overcoming smaller, less frightening fears until you find the courage to advance to bigger ones. Your reward is a life enriched with passion and purpose.
Learn From Your Mistakes: Learning from your mistakes involves drawing valuable lessons from your experiences. You begin to attract that which you need to further expand your personal evolution.
The following quote from Andrew Matthew’s book, Follow Your Heart: Finding Purpose In Your Life and Work is a testament to our willingness to learn and prosper from our experiences, “We are each a cause. Our thoughts attract and create circumstances. As we change, we attract different circumstances. Until we learn a lesson, we either stay stuck on the same lesson, or keep getting the same lesson in different packages.”
In a similar vein, Tony Robbins invites us to reframe ‘failure’ as undesired outcomes rather than dwell on our misfortunes. As you embrace this way of thinking, you transcend your limitations by viewing them from a higher perspective.
As you embrace the lessons, success is bound to greet you on the next occasion. Invariably, it may require numerous attempts to achieve success but that is irrelevant, since the thrill of the experience far outweighs the pain of regret.
Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money.
Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health.
And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.” - The 14th Dalai Lama
I wish to draw your attention to a line from the Dalai Lama’s opening quote, “…he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”
What does it mean for you to live life to the fullest? What does life look like at this level?
I wish to offer my account to these questions in the coming paragraphs, while introducing four principles I trust will serve you well to connect with this ideal.
Upon first impressions, living life to the fullest invokes sentiments of travelling the world, while bathing in the beauty of life, experiencing deep and meaningful relationships, financial success and sustained health & wellbeing. Well at least that’s the image summoned up in my mind.
Notwithstanding the aforementioned, how do you know if you are living your life to the fullest? Is there a measure of progress which defines our trajectory? Moreover, if I were to survey one hundred people, I’m certain there would be varied opinions on what constitutes a deep and meaningful life.
For that reason it might be considered inconsequential how you live your life in light of other people’s definitions. A family friend often reminds me, “What other people think of me is none of my business.”
In keeping with this tenet, let us examine four principles which I believe form the foundation for living a rich and rewarding life.
“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.” - Helen Keller, The Open Door
Honour Yourself: Echoed in the quote by author Neil Gaiman, “...wherever you go, you take yourself with you…” raises our awareness that running away from our problems is not sustainable, since our problems are bound to catch up with us in the end.
Your relationship to others is governed by your level of self respect. Why? Consider for a moment a person’s interaction with others in light of a contracted self-worth. Their view of reality is defined by a distorted sense of self, represented by the unconscious belief: “I don’t respect myself; I don’t expect anyone to respect me and I will not respect others as a result.”
Therefore, as you honour yourself you accept people for who they are instead of whom you’d like them to be.
Honouring yourself entails complete acceptance of your insecurities, weaknesses and fears. It entails complete recognition of your wholeness, despite the mental façade which instructs you otherwise.
Here’s an insight - No one is perfect, even the Dalai Lama is prone to moments of anger. And yet he does not define himself as an angry person, since this is merely a fleeting emotion. If we allow an angry state to consume us, we eventually lose sight of our completeness. Honour your deepest nature which is vested in pure awareness, by refusing to define yourself via disempowering emotional states.
Live A Healthy Life: How are you able to recognise happiness when you are angry, irritable or sad? The mind will express any physical limitations held in the body and vice versa. This serves as your anchor point, alternatively known as subjective reality.
Have you noticed how some people often lament how sick and unwell they are? They strongly identify with their illness as a badge of honour, seeking constant sympathy to validate their suffering.
We are all prone to physical breakdowns eventually, since we inhabit a human form which is subject to ageing. However that does not necessitate accelerating the ageing process by focussing on your ailments. Let go of your need to identify with your complaints. This is not who you are.
It is your obligation to tend to your physical body in a dutiful manner. Nurture it daily. Don’t treat your body as you would a machine - that is neglect it, feed it poor nutrients and expect it to serve you like a master. You deserve better than that. Be kind to yourself by allowing the goodness of life to flow through you.
Face Your Fears: When you are consumed by fear, you remain captive to the emotion. Fear impedes your success and potential. It inhibits you from growing and evolving. It is wired into man’s DNA to thrive and prosper.
Remaining a prisoner to toxic emotions serves no place in your life other than to keep you trapped. I called this state, remaining Parked in my book, The Power to Navigate Life. The metaphysical relationship of being stagnant and stuck in comparison to Navigating Life.
Despite people’s beliefs, the opposite of fear is not courage - it is love. Love is the highest functioning order within the universe. Therefore fear becomes an illusion which is overcome with a loving and compassionate heart.
Face your fears by starting small. You don’t have to go up against it like a Samurai waging battle. Begin by overcoming smaller, less frightening fears until you find the courage to advance to bigger ones. Your reward is a life enriched with passion and purpose.
Learn From Your Mistakes: Learning from your mistakes involves drawing valuable lessons from your experiences. You begin to attract that which you need to further expand your personal evolution.
The following quote from Andrew Matthew’s book, Follow Your Heart: Finding Purpose In Your Life and Work is a testament to our willingness to learn and prosper from our experiences, “We are each a cause. Our thoughts attract and create circumstances. As we change, we attract different circumstances. Until we learn a lesson, we either stay stuck on the same lesson, or keep getting the same lesson in different packages.”
In a similar vein, Tony Robbins invites us to reframe ‘failure’ as undesired outcomes rather than dwell on our misfortunes. As you embrace this way of thinking, you transcend your limitations by viewing them from a higher perspective.
As you embrace the lessons, success is bound to greet you on the next occasion. Invariably, it may require numerous attempts to achieve success but that is irrelevant, since the thrill of the experience far outweighs the pain of regret.
November 21, 2014
Why You Should Never Give Up
“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.” - Harriet Beecher Stowe
Think like a Billionaire
I am fascinated by billionaires. There I said it.
Please don’t hold me in contempt as I endeavour to explain myself.
Okay, it may have been a little presumptuous of me, since you would not be mistaken for assuming my fascination was owing to their wealth status – right? I should be clear that my curiosity extends towards the mindset of self-made billionaires in particular.
Consider for a moment the conviction a self-made billionaire has in order to reach their level of success, notwithstanding the insurmountable hurdles along the way.
Whilst researching this topic in 2011, there were 946 billionaires in the world. At the time of writing this article in 2014, that number has swelled to 1,645 with an aggregate wealth of $6.5 trillion. That is a staggering number to say the least.
Despite people’s beliefs about the rich, the wealthy are not deceitful in their pursuit of wealth – rather they are astute and industrious.
To become a billionaire requires one to overcome numerous mental and emotional hurdles. It requires a profound confidence to never give up, given the economic forces of life are continually against those reaching for success.
In order to attain such an astounding level of wealth, one must think and act differently. There must be an inherent self-belief, unyielding motivation and a desire to prevail.
Represented in the quote, “The more you help people get what they want, the more you get what you want,” this simple axiom forms the basis to a wealthy person’s philosophy.
Self-made billionaires maintain an unwavering level of mental toughness and resiliency. According to authors who have written extensively on talent and success, including: Malcom Gladwell, Cal Newport and Robert Greene, talent is not bestowed upon us at the time of our birth. Rather success is acquired over time arising from firm persistence and dedication.
Whilst the nature vs nurture discussion has eluded scientists and behavioural economists for years, many have struggled to draw consensus on what it takes to be talented.
In recent times evolutionary psychologists now infer that nurture nature is a more appropriate term which suggests that environment accounts for a large portion of a person’s success, whilst acknowledging DNA to be equally important.
“Don't quit. Never give up trying to build the world you can see, even if others can't see it. Listen to your drum and your drum only. It's the one that makes the sweetest sound.” - Simon Sinek
Sage Advice
In keeping with success as a motivating factor, the following points are valuable models for building on your achievement - thus abolishing the desire to give up:
1. A relentless desire to succeed.
2. Extending yourself each time.
3. Enjoying the journey.
Let’s examine these points in detail:
A relentless desire to succeed: Recall the last time you learned something new. You might have reached a point in the skill or task and proclaimed, “To hell with this, I give up?” I know I have.
I’d like to reframe the concept of winning to include, NOT giving up despite outward appearances. Leadership expert and author Robin Sharma offers the following sage advice, “If people aren’t laughing at you at least once a week, your dreams are too small.” That is, you’re not reaching beyond your capabilities.
Oftentimes you may expect to reap the rewards for the hard work you’ve earned. There may be little indication of success for weeks, months or years. You may even become disheartened at this stage and give up; right when a breakthrough is imminent.
This is an all too common scenario for most people. We strive for external confirmation, believing the fruits of our labour will ultimately yield a positive sign. At this crucial point, we must trust that events are unfolding in our favour behind the scenes and beyond our limited senses. The aphorism which invites you to believe it before you see it underscores the message of deep optimism.
Extending yourself each time: A number of people succumb to the impression that they must put everything on the line in order to succeed. That they must sacrifice everything in the pursuit of their goal. This is a misleading assumption based on a number of reasons.
Steady improvements over time often yield greater returns. Whilst I am not advocating a new idea, it was author Darren Hardy who skilfully outlines this point in his prize winning book, Compound Effect.
Using the elastic rubber band as a metaphor, your aim should be to extend yourself a little further each time, beyond your comfort zone. In doing so you discover more about yourself while taking calculated risks, since you’re able to identify mistakes with an enriched mind.
Enjoying the journey: In refusing to give up, you reconnect with your underlying motivation for pursuing your goal in the first place. Having become clear on your purpose, savouring the journey becomes the ultimate aphrodisiac.
I frequently work ten hour days including weekends with adequate rest and exercise in-between. As Sunday arrives, I often reflect on what I have achieved during the week and how I can build on my success in the following week. It’s reassuring to note that I haven’t really ‘worked’ at all – I have simply been absorbed in a Flow experience called work, which I remain deeply passionate about. Similarly I invite you to find your passion and pursue it with gusto – let the spirit of your quest come alive through you.
If you feel like giving up, I trust this article has served to reignite your desire to move forward with enthusiasm.
As a final thought, an unrelenting persistence and dedication were hailed as defining attributes by successful people.
With that in mind, create a vision of your ideal future. Fill it with optimism and empowering beliefs owing to your overall success – never give up, since you never know when the tides of fortune will come your way.
Think like a Billionaire
I am fascinated by billionaires. There I said it.
Please don’t hold me in contempt as I endeavour to explain myself.
Okay, it may have been a little presumptuous of me, since you would not be mistaken for assuming my fascination was owing to their wealth status – right? I should be clear that my curiosity extends towards the mindset of self-made billionaires in particular.
Consider for a moment the conviction a self-made billionaire has in order to reach their level of success, notwithstanding the insurmountable hurdles along the way.
Whilst researching this topic in 2011, there were 946 billionaires in the world. At the time of writing this article in 2014, that number has swelled to 1,645 with an aggregate wealth of $6.5 trillion. That is a staggering number to say the least.
Despite people’s beliefs about the rich, the wealthy are not deceitful in their pursuit of wealth – rather they are astute and industrious.
To become a billionaire requires one to overcome numerous mental and emotional hurdles. It requires a profound confidence to never give up, given the economic forces of life are continually against those reaching for success.
In order to attain such an astounding level of wealth, one must think and act differently. There must be an inherent self-belief, unyielding motivation and a desire to prevail.
Represented in the quote, “The more you help people get what they want, the more you get what you want,” this simple axiom forms the basis to a wealthy person’s philosophy.
Self-made billionaires maintain an unwavering level of mental toughness and resiliency. According to authors who have written extensively on talent and success, including: Malcom Gladwell, Cal Newport and Robert Greene, talent is not bestowed upon us at the time of our birth. Rather success is acquired over time arising from firm persistence and dedication.
Whilst the nature vs nurture discussion has eluded scientists and behavioural economists for years, many have struggled to draw consensus on what it takes to be talented.
In recent times evolutionary psychologists now infer that nurture nature is a more appropriate term which suggests that environment accounts for a large portion of a person’s success, whilst acknowledging DNA to be equally important.
“Don't quit. Never give up trying to build the world you can see, even if others can't see it. Listen to your drum and your drum only. It's the one that makes the sweetest sound.” - Simon Sinek
Sage Advice
In keeping with success as a motivating factor, the following points are valuable models for building on your achievement - thus abolishing the desire to give up:
1. A relentless desire to succeed.
2. Extending yourself each time.
3. Enjoying the journey.
Let’s examine these points in detail:
A relentless desire to succeed: Recall the last time you learned something new. You might have reached a point in the skill or task and proclaimed, “To hell with this, I give up?” I know I have.
I’d like to reframe the concept of winning to include, NOT giving up despite outward appearances. Leadership expert and author Robin Sharma offers the following sage advice, “If people aren’t laughing at you at least once a week, your dreams are too small.” That is, you’re not reaching beyond your capabilities.
Oftentimes you may expect to reap the rewards for the hard work you’ve earned. There may be little indication of success for weeks, months or years. You may even become disheartened at this stage and give up; right when a breakthrough is imminent.
This is an all too common scenario for most people. We strive for external confirmation, believing the fruits of our labour will ultimately yield a positive sign. At this crucial point, we must trust that events are unfolding in our favour behind the scenes and beyond our limited senses. The aphorism which invites you to believe it before you see it underscores the message of deep optimism.
Extending yourself each time: A number of people succumb to the impression that they must put everything on the line in order to succeed. That they must sacrifice everything in the pursuit of their goal. This is a misleading assumption based on a number of reasons.
Steady improvements over time often yield greater returns. Whilst I am not advocating a new idea, it was author Darren Hardy who skilfully outlines this point in his prize winning book, Compound Effect.
Using the elastic rubber band as a metaphor, your aim should be to extend yourself a little further each time, beyond your comfort zone. In doing so you discover more about yourself while taking calculated risks, since you’re able to identify mistakes with an enriched mind.
Enjoying the journey: In refusing to give up, you reconnect with your underlying motivation for pursuing your goal in the first place. Having become clear on your purpose, savouring the journey becomes the ultimate aphrodisiac.
I frequently work ten hour days including weekends with adequate rest and exercise in-between. As Sunday arrives, I often reflect on what I have achieved during the week and how I can build on my success in the following week. It’s reassuring to note that I haven’t really ‘worked’ at all – I have simply been absorbed in a Flow experience called work, which I remain deeply passionate about. Similarly I invite you to find your passion and pursue it with gusto – let the spirit of your quest come alive through you.
If you feel like giving up, I trust this article has served to reignite your desire to move forward with enthusiasm.
As a final thought, an unrelenting persistence and dedication were hailed as defining attributes by successful people.
With that in mind, create a vision of your ideal future. Fill it with optimism and empowering beliefs owing to your overall success – never give up, since you never know when the tides of fortune will come your way.
