Tony Fahkry's Blog - Posts Tagged "emotions"
Rejection Is Not About You
“Don’t Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” - Don Miguel Ruiz
Reconcile With Your Self-Esteem
Your heart throbs rapidly, appearing to grow faster by the minute. In a matter of seconds the uncomfortable sensation to flee your body has taken hold. The rejection coursing through you is now palpable; a dull piercing pain in the pit of your stomach which quickly rises into your chest.
Rejection is an all too common experience many cross paths with. Notwithstanding the emotional trauma, rejection can teach us vital life lessons if we are willing to heed its call. Rejection strikes at the heart of one’s self-esteem. Our fight or flight system is activated within seconds, while the brain struggles to make sense of the situation.
Whilst I have titled this article rejection is not about you, one would be forgiven for thinking otherwise when caught up in the ensuing emotions. However, in owing to the theme rejection is rarely about you and more in keeping with the person offering the rejection.
Rejection is not intended to crush your self-esteem, since the other person rarely has a complete picture of who you really are.
As we wrestle our inner battles, seldom do we consider the feelings of others. Each of us is managing their own inner demons, which is a substantial task of its own. To be mindful of other people’s feelings as well as our own can be stifling, since we have a limited understanding of what lies beneath the surface of others. What you see is not what you get as it relates to one’s emotional constitution.
In order to deal with rejection in a healthy way, it is vital that we acquire a degree of emotional intelligence. If handled with care, rejection may be reframed within an enlightened context. This does not underscore the underlying feelings which abound from being rejected. How you DEAL with rejection should be your primary motivation, since if left untreated it can embitter one’s emotional wellbeing in countless ways.
A unique approach for dealing with rejection is to consider it a process of putting yourself out there, i.e. dating, job opportunities, sporting competition, music performance, etc.
Many people regrettably turn rejection inward via a contracting self-worth. In many instances, rejection triggers unresolved childhood traumas which have not been adequately confronted. Turning the rejection inward, the recipient lays blame on oneself, believing they are lacking in some way.
Invariably the person takes to dissecting their flaws and insecurities, rather than evaluate the rejection as an opportunity to move forward.
Let me be clear – rejection is not your fault. Those who are not rejected are either lying in a coffin underground or sitting at home watching the evening news as armchair critics. Our focus is to accept rejection in light of forward progress, thus creating an empowering inner dialogue.
Transform Your Inner Dialogue
Reframing rejection does not deny you of your feelings. It reasons that you transform those feelings into useful and empowering states. Rather than dwell on the rejection by ascribing it to your self-esteem, you choose to see it as part of the process of exposing yourself to new opportunities. Viewed in this context, not only do you encourage a healthy mental focus, you consent to the ensuing emotions of rejection to pass through you instead of holding on to them.
Rejection can gnaw itself within the mind and body by creating unhealthy emotions if left untreated. The tendency to be victimised and turn the rejection on oneself, lies at the heart of why rejection needs to be attended to rather than left to heal on its own.
“Most fears of rejection rest on the desire for approval from other people. Don't base your self-esteem on their opinions.” – Harvey Mackay
The following points are prompts to help you steer your way through rejection.
1. Oftentimes rejection is simply a way of communicating, “No thanks, this is not for me right now.” Rejection pertains to the choices of the other person. They are tending to their own needs and desires first, rather than cause others emotional distress.
2. Ask yourself the following questions to help you deal with the thoughts and feelings which accompany rejection:
“How can I turn this rejection into an empowering state?”
“Am I really being rejected or am I self-imposing unresolved emotions?”
“Who do I need to become to be more valuable to others?”
“Why do I feel hurt by these feelings of rejection?
“Is there something else beneath the surface that I must attend to?”
3. There is an aphorism that states no one can reject you unless you give them the power to do so. Therefore the only dependable way of handling rejection is to REFRAME it. Regrettably despite people’s best intentions, the use of positive thinking is of little value since it creates a DETOUR for your thoughts. You are negating thoughts associated with rejection by masking them with positive thinking. We all know that what you resist – persists.
4. Assess the rejection as an opportunity to look deep within yourself. Sometimes rejection can be a hidden blessing re-routing you to a new and better opportunity. Don’t wallow in self-pity for too long – pick up your bootstraps and continue ahead.
In closing, rejection is inevitable if we are to live a rich and authentic life. When we put ourselves on the line, rejection is an inevitable event which helps us identify our true wants and needs.
Rejection serves to remind us that at a deeper level, no one has the authority to reject us if we don’t give them power to do so.
Reconcile With Your Self-Esteem
Your heart throbs rapidly, appearing to grow faster by the minute. In a matter of seconds the uncomfortable sensation to flee your body has taken hold. The rejection coursing through you is now palpable; a dull piercing pain in the pit of your stomach which quickly rises into your chest.
Rejection is an all too common experience many cross paths with. Notwithstanding the emotional trauma, rejection can teach us vital life lessons if we are willing to heed its call. Rejection strikes at the heart of one’s self-esteem. Our fight or flight system is activated within seconds, while the brain struggles to make sense of the situation.
Whilst I have titled this article rejection is not about you, one would be forgiven for thinking otherwise when caught up in the ensuing emotions. However, in owing to the theme rejection is rarely about you and more in keeping with the person offering the rejection.
Rejection is not intended to crush your self-esteem, since the other person rarely has a complete picture of who you really are.
As we wrestle our inner battles, seldom do we consider the feelings of others. Each of us is managing their own inner demons, which is a substantial task of its own. To be mindful of other people’s feelings as well as our own can be stifling, since we have a limited understanding of what lies beneath the surface of others. What you see is not what you get as it relates to one’s emotional constitution.
In order to deal with rejection in a healthy way, it is vital that we acquire a degree of emotional intelligence. If handled with care, rejection may be reframed within an enlightened context. This does not underscore the underlying feelings which abound from being rejected. How you DEAL with rejection should be your primary motivation, since if left untreated it can embitter one’s emotional wellbeing in countless ways.
A unique approach for dealing with rejection is to consider it a process of putting yourself out there, i.e. dating, job opportunities, sporting competition, music performance, etc.
Many people regrettably turn rejection inward via a contracting self-worth. In many instances, rejection triggers unresolved childhood traumas which have not been adequately confronted. Turning the rejection inward, the recipient lays blame on oneself, believing they are lacking in some way.
Invariably the person takes to dissecting their flaws and insecurities, rather than evaluate the rejection as an opportunity to move forward.
Let me be clear – rejection is not your fault. Those who are not rejected are either lying in a coffin underground or sitting at home watching the evening news as armchair critics. Our focus is to accept rejection in light of forward progress, thus creating an empowering inner dialogue.
Transform Your Inner Dialogue
Reframing rejection does not deny you of your feelings. It reasons that you transform those feelings into useful and empowering states. Rather than dwell on the rejection by ascribing it to your self-esteem, you choose to see it as part of the process of exposing yourself to new opportunities. Viewed in this context, not only do you encourage a healthy mental focus, you consent to the ensuing emotions of rejection to pass through you instead of holding on to them.
Rejection can gnaw itself within the mind and body by creating unhealthy emotions if left untreated. The tendency to be victimised and turn the rejection on oneself, lies at the heart of why rejection needs to be attended to rather than left to heal on its own.
“Most fears of rejection rest on the desire for approval from other people. Don't base your self-esteem on their opinions.” – Harvey Mackay
The following points are prompts to help you steer your way through rejection.
1. Oftentimes rejection is simply a way of communicating, “No thanks, this is not for me right now.” Rejection pertains to the choices of the other person. They are tending to their own needs and desires first, rather than cause others emotional distress.
2. Ask yourself the following questions to help you deal with the thoughts and feelings which accompany rejection:
“How can I turn this rejection into an empowering state?”
“Am I really being rejected or am I self-imposing unresolved emotions?”
“Who do I need to become to be more valuable to others?”
“Why do I feel hurt by these feelings of rejection?
“Is there something else beneath the surface that I must attend to?”
3. There is an aphorism that states no one can reject you unless you give them the power to do so. Therefore the only dependable way of handling rejection is to REFRAME it. Regrettably despite people’s best intentions, the use of positive thinking is of little value since it creates a DETOUR for your thoughts. You are negating thoughts associated with rejection by masking them with positive thinking. We all know that what you resist – persists.
4. Assess the rejection as an opportunity to look deep within yourself. Sometimes rejection can be a hidden blessing re-routing you to a new and better opportunity. Don’t wallow in self-pity for too long – pick up your bootstraps and continue ahead.
In closing, rejection is inevitable if we are to live a rich and authentic life. When we put ourselves on the line, rejection is an inevitable event which helps us identify our true wants and needs.
Rejection serves to remind us that at a deeper level, no one has the authority to reject us if we don’t give them power to do so.
How to Build Powerful Relationships
“Never idealise others. They will never live up to your expectations. Don’t over-analyse your relationships. Stop playing games. A growing relationship can only be nurtured by genuineness.” - Leo F. Buscaglia
Reflections of Ourselves
Relationships are the most significant and nourishing experiences of our lives if approached with an open mind and a compassionate heart.
Take a moment to reflect on an existing relationship which may be causing you distress. Although you share a common bond, there may possibly be a differing of opinions which warrants disagreement at times.
What particular aspect of that person gives rise to the conflict? Is it a behaviour, a certain quality or a general character flaw you find difficult to balance out? Don’t over-analyse the trait – simply become aware of it in your mind. Merely perceiving the other person’s indifference is sufficient to enhance your awareness of the issue.
Why do you have an aversion to that particular quality about them?
Let us consider the characteristic of arrogance as an example to work through in this instance. As you see it, the other person exudes an arrogance which you find less appealing at times. You feel the relationship would be more grounded in a formidable way if it weren't for their conceited ways.
In previous articles, I stated that the universe maintains an intricate order. There are no accidents – nothing happens by chance; even a blade of grass is accounted for within the cosmos.
If we consider this idea, could it be conceivable that you co-created the experience of this person into your life in order to learn and grow? I affirm that it takes two to tango – furthermore, problems are always encountered at the level of the perceiver.
This person may be disguised in the form of a valuable experience directing your personal development. However, we may not be quite ready for the lesson just yet and so the troublesome experience will continue to persist.
You cannot maintain a relationship that is one sided. That is, there can never be an over-supply of enriching moments within a relationship, since there would be little or no inner growth. Relationship challenges expose the cracks in your character in order to integrate them into the wholeness of your being.
As you’ve no doubt realised, those you are connected to bring out the best and worst in you. They uncover your flaws by reflecting a mirror onto them. In doing so, you are called to examine and heal that aspect of yourself, not retreat into apathy.
Therefore, do not bemoan when a relationship has run its course. There is an energetic current which takes place in all living things. Oftentimes people come into your life for a brief duration and leave in a similar manner. You may be left to wonder whether your actions contributed to their departure – rest assured that nature has served its purpose and it is time to move on.
“Each relationship nurtures a strength or weakness within you.” - Mike Murdock
Tuning In To Love
When a relationship ends unexpectedly, you may wish to take refuge in a simple mantra: “How would LOVE respond in my situation?”
In an article titled How to Raise Your Consciousness, I outlined the case for raising your consciousness to the level of LOVE in order to attract harmonious relationships.
When I talk about love, I am not referring to the romantic connection which exists between two people. I am describing the energetic frequency that is your authentic state of being. Were it not for love, how would you express your appreciation toward a loved one?
As you align with the frequency of love, you invoke deeper and richer relationships, which are entrusted in a higher energetic force. Everything within the universe is energy, pulsating at a low or high vibrational rate.
To gain clarity on an existing relationship which threatens your emotional wellbeing, contemplate the following points:
1. Invite the power of LOVE with its higher frequency into your life on a regular basis. Albert Einstein said, “You cannot solve a problem with the same level of thinking that created it.” In a similar tone, Deepak Chopra asserts that love is stronger than gravity. Therefore, expand your consciousness beyond your perceived awareness in order to support this powerful state of being.
2. Consider what lesson you are invited to learn in the context of your current relationship. Posing the following question, “What lesson does the greater intelligence within me seek from this experience?” becomes an invitation to connect with your infinite wisdom. Rest assured, every lesson will be vested in LOVE. Your conflicts are signposts directing you toward love.
3. Ponder the following question, “What aspect of myself, whether favourable or undesirable is the other person highlighting?” If the other person is an emotional blanket, devoid of connecting with their feelings, consider how you might be mirroring their behaviour?
When others accentuate a negative quality within you, in that very moment you have sought to disown that aspect if you are not at peace with yourself. This becomes the root of your suffering if the pain is left unexamined. Furthermore, it underscores the need to heal the separation within so as to build a stronger foundation for the connection to thrive.
Relationship problems are not inclined to defeat you, rather they are a call to heal a disowned aspect of yourself by bringing the wound to the surface.
Consider it akin to a splinter of wood lodged in your finger. By removing the splinter, not only do you heal the physical wound, you simultaneously reveal a layer of oneself previously concealed by your emotional pain.
Reflections of Ourselves
Relationships are the most significant and nourishing experiences of our lives if approached with an open mind and a compassionate heart.
Take a moment to reflect on an existing relationship which may be causing you distress. Although you share a common bond, there may possibly be a differing of opinions which warrants disagreement at times.
What particular aspect of that person gives rise to the conflict? Is it a behaviour, a certain quality or a general character flaw you find difficult to balance out? Don’t over-analyse the trait – simply become aware of it in your mind. Merely perceiving the other person’s indifference is sufficient to enhance your awareness of the issue.
Why do you have an aversion to that particular quality about them?
Let us consider the characteristic of arrogance as an example to work through in this instance. As you see it, the other person exudes an arrogance which you find less appealing at times. You feel the relationship would be more grounded in a formidable way if it weren't for their conceited ways.
In previous articles, I stated that the universe maintains an intricate order. There are no accidents – nothing happens by chance; even a blade of grass is accounted for within the cosmos.
If we consider this idea, could it be conceivable that you co-created the experience of this person into your life in order to learn and grow? I affirm that it takes two to tango – furthermore, problems are always encountered at the level of the perceiver.
This person may be disguised in the form of a valuable experience directing your personal development. However, we may not be quite ready for the lesson just yet and so the troublesome experience will continue to persist.
You cannot maintain a relationship that is one sided. That is, there can never be an over-supply of enriching moments within a relationship, since there would be little or no inner growth. Relationship challenges expose the cracks in your character in order to integrate them into the wholeness of your being.
As you’ve no doubt realised, those you are connected to bring out the best and worst in you. They uncover your flaws by reflecting a mirror onto them. In doing so, you are called to examine and heal that aspect of yourself, not retreat into apathy.
Therefore, do not bemoan when a relationship has run its course. There is an energetic current which takes place in all living things. Oftentimes people come into your life for a brief duration and leave in a similar manner. You may be left to wonder whether your actions contributed to their departure – rest assured that nature has served its purpose and it is time to move on.
“Each relationship nurtures a strength or weakness within you.” - Mike Murdock
Tuning In To Love
When a relationship ends unexpectedly, you may wish to take refuge in a simple mantra: “How would LOVE respond in my situation?”
In an article titled How to Raise Your Consciousness, I outlined the case for raising your consciousness to the level of LOVE in order to attract harmonious relationships.
When I talk about love, I am not referring to the romantic connection which exists between two people. I am describing the energetic frequency that is your authentic state of being. Were it not for love, how would you express your appreciation toward a loved one?
As you align with the frequency of love, you invoke deeper and richer relationships, which are entrusted in a higher energetic force. Everything within the universe is energy, pulsating at a low or high vibrational rate.
To gain clarity on an existing relationship which threatens your emotional wellbeing, contemplate the following points:
1. Invite the power of LOVE with its higher frequency into your life on a regular basis. Albert Einstein said, “You cannot solve a problem with the same level of thinking that created it.” In a similar tone, Deepak Chopra asserts that love is stronger than gravity. Therefore, expand your consciousness beyond your perceived awareness in order to support this powerful state of being.
2. Consider what lesson you are invited to learn in the context of your current relationship. Posing the following question, “What lesson does the greater intelligence within me seek from this experience?” becomes an invitation to connect with your infinite wisdom. Rest assured, every lesson will be vested in LOVE. Your conflicts are signposts directing you toward love.
3. Ponder the following question, “What aspect of myself, whether favourable or undesirable is the other person highlighting?” If the other person is an emotional blanket, devoid of connecting with their feelings, consider how you might be mirroring their behaviour?
When others accentuate a negative quality within you, in that very moment you have sought to disown that aspect if you are not at peace with yourself. This becomes the root of your suffering if the pain is left unexamined. Furthermore, it underscores the need to heal the separation within so as to build a stronger foundation for the connection to thrive.
Relationship problems are not inclined to defeat you, rather they are a call to heal a disowned aspect of yourself by bringing the wound to the surface.
Consider it akin to a splinter of wood lodged in your finger. By removing the splinter, not only do you heal the physical wound, you simultaneously reveal a layer of oneself previously concealed by your emotional pain.
