Tony Fahkry's Blog - Posts Tagged "personal-growth"
The Unexamined Life
“The unexamined life is not worth living.” – Socrates
The Search for Meaning
Many of us sail through life impervious to the choices we make each day. Such decisions are often made without even second guessing ourselves. We discover that many of these choices are programmed, that is they are devoid of conscious intent. As time goes by we may pause and reflect how such choices were made, perhaps realising that we have not been as present after all.
Socrates, the Greek philosopher and founder of Western Philosophy coined the phrase, “The unexamined life is not worth living” circa 470 – 399 BC. There have been countless explorations of this passage over time. Whilst I do not wish to analyse the phrase in this article, I do however wish to offer my thoughts on how we can live a virtuous life through regular self-examination.
Self-awareness is one of the key attributes humans possess, which distinguishes us from the animal kingdom. The notable mirror test developed by the psychologist Gordon Gallup Jnr. is used an indicator of awareness in animals. In this experiment, animals are presented with an image of themselves reflected back via a mirror. If they recognise the image reflected back (often a marking is made on the animal to determine if they identify it), then it is deemed that they are self-aware. Interestingly, children tend to fail this test until they are at least 1.5 to 2 years old.
Therefore self-awareness is the bedrock upon which we identify with our beingness. It allows us to interact with others and our environment through our experience of the world. Being self-aware not only attributes an awareness of self, it signifies an understanding of one’s personality, i.e. strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, beliefs and motivation.
In contrast, there are many people who sail through life oblivious to their behaviour. They rarely learn from their mistakes, since they are programmed from early childhood to disregard the impact of their actions. It might be said that their self-awareness is limited. Such people are unaware of the mental and emotional prejudices accrued over time. It has been said that we spend the first half of our life accumulating knowledge and the second half letting go of that knowledge.
Devoid of our capacity for self-examination, it may seem as though life is acting upon us as we fall victim to the forces of life. Alternatively as we let go of the distorted thinking, we appreciate that as free choice agents acting within the container of free will, we are indeed co-creating our life’s circumstances.
“There is no greater delight than to be conscious of sincerity on self-examination.” - Mencius
Awakening the Authentic Self
It posits favourably that since we have free will, we should strive to make decisions that are in line with our best interests. Our aim should be to uphold the essential virtues of human existence: wisdom, justice, fortitude, self-control, love, positive attitude, hard work, integrity, gratitude and humility. Authenticity then is used to describe the act of living in congruency with our highest nature. Rather than abide by our external environment, we become blissfully aware of our inner nature as we strive to uphold the human virtues.
Self-examination in this context becomes an expression of knowing oneself. Fundamentally, our aim at this level is to overcome our mistakes by refusing to invite them into the future. Two vital ingredients then are required for self-mastery: personal growth and self-awareness. Much like brushing our teeth to keep them clean, attending to our personal growth on a daily basis is like exercise for our mental well-being. Moreover, self-awareness coupled with personal growth may be akin to a gardener pulling weeds while simultaneously harvesting new crop. In time, not only have we cultivated an entire garden devoid of weeds, we have simultaneously allowed our authentic self to emerge.
In my recent book, The Power to Navigate Life, I invite the reader to consider two ideas dutifully essential to the mastery of life. I affirm that you are either Navigating Life or Parked. A Parked state may be characterised by the metaphysical relationship one experiences while in a motor vehicle when stationary: stopped, stuck, enclosed, stagnant, not moving and trapped. Navigating Life on the other hand denotes a movement of outward energy: expansive, moving freely, navigating, exploring, discovering and expressive.
These two states represent the metaphysical relationship we have with ourselves at certain times of our life. As we learn to master life and reclaim our internal state, we move from a Parked state to Navigating Life. It must be said that even while you may be Parked, it serves as a valuable opportunity for self-reflection so you do not carry those mistakes into the future.
A deep and meaningful life is only worth living if we become self-aware and strive to lead an authentic life. Through regular self-examination we come to appreciate that there are no rights or wrongs, only consequences. In order to reduce the likelihood of experiencing untoward outcomes, we must connect with our deepest self which is the essence of our authentic nature.
The Search for Meaning
Many of us sail through life impervious to the choices we make each day. Such decisions are often made without even second guessing ourselves. We discover that many of these choices are programmed, that is they are devoid of conscious intent. As time goes by we may pause and reflect how such choices were made, perhaps realising that we have not been as present after all.
Socrates, the Greek philosopher and founder of Western Philosophy coined the phrase, “The unexamined life is not worth living” circa 470 – 399 BC. There have been countless explorations of this passage over time. Whilst I do not wish to analyse the phrase in this article, I do however wish to offer my thoughts on how we can live a virtuous life through regular self-examination.
Self-awareness is one of the key attributes humans possess, which distinguishes us from the animal kingdom. The notable mirror test developed by the psychologist Gordon Gallup Jnr. is used an indicator of awareness in animals. In this experiment, animals are presented with an image of themselves reflected back via a mirror. If they recognise the image reflected back (often a marking is made on the animal to determine if they identify it), then it is deemed that they are self-aware. Interestingly, children tend to fail this test until they are at least 1.5 to 2 years old.
Therefore self-awareness is the bedrock upon which we identify with our beingness. It allows us to interact with others and our environment through our experience of the world. Being self-aware not only attributes an awareness of self, it signifies an understanding of one’s personality, i.e. strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, beliefs and motivation.
In contrast, there are many people who sail through life oblivious to their behaviour. They rarely learn from their mistakes, since they are programmed from early childhood to disregard the impact of their actions. It might be said that their self-awareness is limited. Such people are unaware of the mental and emotional prejudices accrued over time. It has been said that we spend the first half of our life accumulating knowledge and the second half letting go of that knowledge.
Devoid of our capacity for self-examination, it may seem as though life is acting upon us as we fall victim to the forces of life. Alternatively as we let go of the distorted thinking, we appreciate that as free choice agents acting within the container of free will, we are indeed co-creating our life’s circumstances.
“There is no greater delight than to be conscious of sincerity on self-examination.” - Mencius
Awakening the Authentic Self
It posits favourably that since we have free will, we should strive to make decisions that are in line with our best interests. Our aim should be to uphold the essential virtues of human existence: wisdom, justice, fortitude, self-control, love, positive attitude, hard work, integrity, gratitude and humility. Authenticity then is used to describe the act of living in congruency with our highest nature. Rather than abide by our external environment, we become blissfully aware of our inner nature as we strive to uphold the human virtues.
Self-examination in this context becomes an expression of knowing oneself. Fundamentally, our aim at this level is to overcome our mistakes by refusing to invite them into the future. Two vital ingredients then are required for self-mastery: personal growth and self-awareness. Much like brushing our teeth to keep them clean, attending to our personal growth on a daily basis is like exercise for our mental well-being. Moreover, self-awareness coupled with personal growth may be akin to a gardener pulling weeds while simultaneously harvesting new crop. In time, not only have we cultivated an entire garden devoid of weeds, we have simultaneously allowed our authentic self to emerge.
In my recent book, The Power to Navigate Life, I invite the reader to consider two ideas dutifully essential to the mastery of life. I affirm that you are either Navigating Life or Parked. A Parked state may be characterised by the metaphysical relationship one experiences while in a motor vehicle when stationary: stopped, stuck, enclosed, stagnant, not moving and trapped. Navigating Life on the other hand denotes a movement of outward energy: expansive, moving freely, navigating, exploring, discovering and expressive.
These two states represent the metaphysical relationship we have with ourselves at certain times of our life. As we learn to master life and reclaim our internal state, we move from a Parked state to Navigating Life. It must be said that even while you may be Parked, it serves as a valuable opportunity for self-reflection so you do not carry those mistakes into the future.
A deep and meaningful life is only worth living if we become self-aware and strive to lead an authentic life. Through regular self-examination we come to appreciate that there are no rights or wrongs, only consequences. In order to reduce the likelihood of experiencing untoward outcomes, we must connect with our deepest self which is the essence of our authentic nature.
Rejection Is Not About You
“Don’t Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” - Don Miguel Ruiz
Reconcile With Your Self-Esteem
Your heart throbs rapidly, appearing to grow faster by the minute. In a matter of seconds the uncomfortable sensation to flee your body has taken hold. The rejection coursing through you is now palpable; a dull piercing pain in the pit of your stomach which quickly rises into your chest.
Rejection is an all too common experience many cross paths with. Notwithstanding the emotional trauma, rejection can teach us vital life lessons if we are willing to heed its call. Rejection strikes at the heart of one’s self-esteem. Our fight or flight system is activated within seconds, while the brain struggles to make sense of the situation.
Whilst I have titled this article rejection is not about you, one would be forgiven for thinking otherwise when caught up in the ensuing emotions. However, in owing to the theme rejection is rarely about you and more in keeping with the person offering the rejection.
Rejection is not intended to crush your self-esteem, since the other person rarely has a complete picture of who you really are.
As we wrestle our inner battles, seldom do we consider the feelings of others. Each of us is managing their own inner demons, which is a substantial task of its own. To be mindful of other people’s feelings as well as our own can be stifling, since we have a limited understanding of what lies beneath the surface of others. What you see is not what you get as it relates to one’s emotional constitution.
In order to deal with rejection in a healthy way, it is vital that we acquire a degree of emotional intelligence. If handled with care, rejection may be reframed within an enlightened context. This does not underscore the underlying feelings which abound from being rejected. How you DEAL with rejection should be your primary motivation, since if left untreated it can embitter one’s emotional wellbeing in countless ways.
A unique approach for dealing with rejection is to consider it a process of putting yourself out there, i.e. dating, job opportunities, sporting competition, music performance, etc.
Many people regrettably turn rejection inward via a contracting self-worth. In many instances, rejection triggers unresolved childhood traumas which have not been adequately confronted. Turning the rejection inward, the recipient lays blame on oneself, believing they are lacking in some way.
Invariably the person takes to dissecting their flaws and insecurities, rather than evaluate the rejection as an opportunity to move forward.
Let me be clear – rejection is not your fault. Those who are not rejected are either lying in a coffin underground or sitting at home watching the evening news as armchair critics. Our focus is to accept rejection in light of forward progress, thus creating an empowering inner dialogue.
Transform Your Inner Dialogue
Reframing rejection does not deny you of your feelings. It reasons that you transform those feelings into useful and empowering states. Rather than dwell on the rejection by ascribing it to your self-esteem, you choose to see it as part of the process of exposing yourself to new opportunities. Viewed in this context, not only do you encourage a healthy mental focus, you consent to the ensuing emotions of rejection to pass through you instead of holding on to them.
Rejection can gnaw itself within the mind and body by creating unhealthy emotions if left untreated. The tendency to be victimised and turn the rejection on oneself, lies at the heart of why rejection needs to be attended to rather than left to heal on its own.
“Most fears of rejection rest on the desire for approval from other people. Don't base your self-esteem on their opinions.” – Harvey Mackay
The following points are prompts to help you steer your way through rejection.
1. Oftentimes rejection is simply a way of communicating, “No thanks, this is not for me right now.” Rejection pertains to the choices of the other person. They are tending to their own needs and desires first, rather than cause others emotional distress.
2. Ask yourself the following questions to help you deal with the thoughts and feelings which accompany rejection:
“How can I turn this rejection into an empowering state?”
“Am I really being rejected or am I self-imposing unresolved emotions?”
“Who do I need to become to be more valuable to others?”
“Why do I feel hurt by these feelings of rejection?
“Is there something else beneath the surface that I must attend to?”
3. There is an aphorism that states no one can reject you unless you give them the power to do so. Therefore the only dependable way of handling rejection is to REFRAME it. Regrettably despite people’s best intentions, the use of positive thinking is of little value since it creates a DETOUR for your thoughts. You are negating thoughts associated with rejection by masking them with positive thinking. We all know that what you resist – persists.
4. Assess the rejection as an opportunity to look deep within yourself. Sometimes rejection can be a hidden blessing re-routing you to a new and better opportunity. Don’t wallow in self-pity for too long – pick up your bootstraps and continue ahead.
In closing, rejection is inevitable if we are to live a rich and authentic life. When we put ourselves on the line, rejection is an inevitable event which helps us identify our true wants and needs.
Rejection serves to remind us that at a deeper level, no one has the authority to reject us if we don’t give them power to do so.
Reconcile With Your Self-Esteem
Your heart throbs rapidly, appearing to grow faster by the minute. In a matter of seconds the uncomfortable sensation to flee your body has taken hold. The rejection coursing through you is now palpable; a dull piercing pain in the pit of your stomach which quickly rises into your chest.
Rejection is an all too common experience many cross paths with. Notwithstanding the emotional trauma, rejection can teach us vital life lessons if we are willing to heed its call. Rejection strikes at the heart of one’s self-esteem. Our fight or flight system is activated within seconds, while the brain struggles to make sense of the situation.
Whilst I have titled this article rejection is not about you, one would be forgiven for thinking otherwise when caught up in the ensuing emotions. However, in owing to the theme rejection is rarely about you and more in keeping with the person offering the rejection.
Rejection is not intended to crush your self-esteem, since the other person rarely has a complete picture of who you really are.
As we wrestle our inner battles, seldom do we consider the feelings of others. Each of us is managing their own inner demons, which is a substantial task of its own. To be mindful of other people’s feelings as well as our own can be stifling, since we have a limited understanding of what lies beneath the surface of others. What you see is not what you get as it relates to one’s emotional constitution.
In order to deal with rejection in a healthy way, it is vital that we acquire a degree of emotional intelligence. If handled with care, rejection may be reframed within an enlightened context. This does not underscore the underlying feelings which abound from being rejected. How you DEAL with rejection should be your primary motivation, since if left untreated it can embitter one’s emotional wellbeing in countless ways.
A unique approach for dealing with rejection is to consider it a process of putting yourself out there, i.e. dating, job opportunities, sporting competition, music performance, etc.
Many people regrettably turn rejection inward via a contracting self-worth. In many instances, rejection triggers unresolved childhood traumas which have not been adequately confronted. Turning the rejection inward, the recipient lays blame on oneself, believing they are lacking in some way.
Invariably the person takes to dissecting their flaws and insecurities, rather than evaluate the rejection as an opportunity to move forward.
Let me be clear – rejection is not your fault. Those who are not rejected are either lying in a coffin underground or sitting at home watching the evening news as armchair critics. Our focus is to accept rejection in light of forward progress, thus creating an empowering inner dialogue.
Transform Your Inner Dialogue
Reframing rejection does not deny you of your feelings. It reasons that you transform those feelings into useful and empowering states. Rather than dwell on the rejection by ascribing it to your self-esteem, you choose to see it as part of the process of exposing yourself to new opportunities. Viewed in this context, not only do you encourage a healthy mental focus, you consent to the ensuing emotions of rejection to pass through you instead of holding on to them.
Rejection can gnaw itself within the mind and body by creating unhealthy emotions if left untreated. The tendency to be victimised and turn the rejection on oneself, lies at the heart of why rejection needs to be attended to rather than left to heal on its own.
“Most fears of rejection rest on the desire for approval from other people. Don't base your self-esteem on their opinions.” – Harvey Mackay
The following points are prompts to help you steer your way through rejection.
1. Oftentimes rejection is simply a way of communicating, “No thanks, this is not for me right now.” Rejection pertains to the choices of the other person. They are tending to their own needs and desires first, rather than cause others emotional distress.
2. Ask yourself the following questions to help you deal with the thoughts and feelings which accompany rejection:
“How can I turn this rejection into an empowering state?”
“Am I really being rejected or am I self-imposing unresolved emotions?”
“Who do I need to become to be more valuable to others?”
“Why do I feel hurt by these feelings of rejection?
“Is there something else beneath the surface that I must attend to?”
3. There is an aphorism that states no one can reject you unless you give them the power to do so. Therefore the only dependable way of handling rejection is to REFRAME it. Regrettably despite people’s best intentions, the use of positive thinking is of little value since it creates a DETOUR for your thoughts. You are negating thoughts associated with rejection by masking them with positive thinking. We all know that what you resist – persists.
4. Assess the rejection as an opportunity to look deep within yourself. Sometimes rejection can be a hidden blessing re-routing you to a new and better opportunity. Don’t wallow in self-pity for too long – pick up your bootstraps and continue ahead.
In closing, rejection is inevitable if we are to live a rich and authentic life. When we put ourselves on the line, rejection is an inevitable event which helps us identify our true wants and needs.
Rejection serves to remind us that at a deeper level, no one has the authority to reject us if we don’t give them power to do so.
