Tony Fahkry's Blog, page 46

The Healing Power of Love

“Eventually you will come to understand that love heals everything, and love is all there is.” – Gary Zukav

“What is love?”

“The total absence of fear,” said the Master.

“What is it we fear?”

He concluded: “If the withered tree had survived, nothing would have induced the bird to give up its security and fly.”

“Love,” said the Master.

Such is the power of love, it surrenders itself so its presence is known.

I am reminded of the quote by author Leo Buscaglia, “Love and self are one and the discovery of either is the realisation of both.”

The realisation he speaks of is that at the core of our being we are pure unbounded love.

Any thoughts we hold to the contrary distort this truth.

We go to the source of our pain to heal any thoughts of separation.

When we let go of resistance, what is discovered is pure love. To heal the physical body of undesirable symptoms, we reconnect to that source.

Healing signifies a return to wholeness.

Through distorted beliefs, the mind reinforces this image by disrupting the body’s homeostasis.

It was Eugene T. Gendlin, the American philosopher and psychotherapist who coined the term felt sense. He was referring to an internal bodily awareness or body-sense of meaning that develops when we align with the truth.

If you perpetuate fear, your body responds by adopting the physiology of this fearful state. However, love heals and brings the body back into balance when we associate with this all-powerful energy.

It was the late David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D., a renowned psychiatrist and consciousness researcher who said, “If we are willing to let go of our illness, then we have to be willing to let go of the attitude that brought about the illness because disease is an expression of one’s attitude and habitual way of looking at things.”

When you disconnect from your authentic nature, you detach from your state of ease and the body becomes dis-eased.

Dis-ease signifies disharmony in one’s thoughts.

Love renews and restores inner harmony because every cell in our body is attuned to this natural healing state. I liken it to returning home after being away, to find your key still fits the same door lock.

Healing arises the moment we align our mental and emotional frequency to coincide with love.

Love is a healing agent because its energetic frequency is stronger than other emotions and is the foundation of universal order.

“Your body is your subconscious mind and you can’t heal it by talk alone,” affirmed the neuroscientist and pharmacologist Candace Pert.

As an example of the healing power of love, the Institute of HeartMath states that your heart has an electromagnetic field 50,000 times stronger than the brain’s.

Ancient wisdom has known for centuries the heart is the seat of the soul. To heal means to reconnect with our soul within the embodiment of love.

So, at the deepest level, healing is a return to the source of our being.

We disconnect from this wisdom by identifying with fear and anxiety. This creates an inaccurate mental image expressed in the body as illness and disease.

“Love one another and help others to rise to the higher levels, simply by pouring out love. Love is infectious and the greatest healing energy.” – Sai Baba

In his book Healing and Recovery, Dr. David Hawkins affirms, “A loving thought then heals and a negative thought creates illness. Choosing to become a loving person results in the release of endorphins by the brain which has a profound effect on the body’s health and happiness.”

I consider the cause of illness and disease a spiritual abandonment from oneself. The body is crying out to reunite with its core self.

We internalise fear in all forms nowadays to the detriment of our physiology. Over time, our body learns the language of fear by inhibiting vital biological processes.

We must learn to love ourselves and embrace the wholeness of our being if we seek to heal physical symptoms.

Consider this.

How is your body able to heal when it receives negative messages on how it looks or cannot act?

To heal, we no longer oppose what is, yet embrace it.

Love means accepting our current circumstances without opposition.

Your opposition to what is, manifests as fear. Thus, we turn our attention away from fear and embrace our core nature.

At the deepest level, our separation from self intensifies disease and illness. To merge with the wholeness of our being is a call to love as Marianne Williamson states.

Self-criticism and self-hate instructs the body to turn on itself.

The rise of cancers, diabetes and autoimmune conditions have accelerated over the years. We are feeding our bodies with a toxic cocktail of messages that manifest as unhealthy conditions.

In summary, this article may be condensed to the following points:

Love is the healing agent in the body.
Fear, anxiety, anger and other lower emotions overshadow this healing force.
You are not broken or flawed.
Learn to embrace your wholeness and perfection.
Transform your thoughts relating to your unworthiness or imperfections.
As you heal your thoughts, your body discovers its inherent healing power.
Meditate on aspects of love in your daily life.

I wish to leave you with something the Master knew all along: love is simply the absence of fear. For what is eternal is love’s enduring power.

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Why Timing Is Everything

“All things entail rising and falling timing. You must be able to discern this.” –  Miyamoto Musashi

Author Dan Millman states in Living on Purpose, “I learned that we can do anything, but we can’t do everything… at least not at the same time. So think of your priorities not in terms of what activities you do, but when you do them. Timing is everything.”

Timing is that compelling force apparent when chance and coincidence collide.

It is observed in universal order and the seasons which arrive and recede. The ocean tides are influenced according to the moon’s gravity and the planets’ orbit according to the sun’s gravity.

Recognised by Carl Jung, synchronistic events relate to meaningful coincidences that occur with no causal relationship, yet are related. When you have a pressing question in your mind and a book falls off the shelf which contains the answer, or the phone rings from a friend who you were just thinking of, are examples of synchronicity.

How does timing and synchronicity play its role within the cosmos?

The wise man learns to collaborate with this occurrence, just as a farmer sows his seeds expecting the coming harvest.

In my book The Power to Navigate Life, I elude to timing as the art of allowing, “Rather than becoming attached to your own agenda, that governs the timing of how things should play out in your life; you come from a place of allowing which is seeded in infinite possibilities.”

What works one season may be unsuitable the next. We adjust by working with the forces of life instead of opposing them.

In his acclaimed book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell illustrates how timing plays a role in chance opportunities. He cites the births of young men and their demographic fortune as significant factors in determining their success.

Is there a connection between timing, fate and destiny?

Consider Amy Neftzger’s perspective in her book, The Ferryman, “The problem with Fate is that no matter how many times you call out to her, she has her own timing that’s irrelevant to whatever anyone else happens to be doing.”

Why do particular goals transpire with little effort, compared with earlier attempts?

Certainly, timing plays a role.

To make better use of timing is to be in touch with intuition. Most people use conscious thought alone to make major life decisions. Read any biography on successful CEOs, and it’s clear they profited from using intuition to make astute business decisions.

What does this mean to you?

Appreciate that universal forces are at play in the backdrop of your life that lead to your personal growth. Often plans don’t work out as expected because timing commands something better has yet to arrive.

Viewed in this light, timing serves to guide your passage through life. Decisions correspond to the flow of universal energy instead of opposing what is.

“Timing, degree and conviction are the three wise men in this life.” –  R. I. Fitzhenry

It is natural that people associate timing with meeting their life partner. In several instances the individual may have experienced relationship misfortune leading to the successful connection.

Timing serves a role to uphold cohesive order and orchestrates the natural flow of events.

Actions fall into place because of universal timing and when combined with synchronicity, bring those events into your awareness to seize your attention.

Author Robert Greene states in The 48 Laws of Power, “Time depends on perception, which can be wilfully altered. This is vital in mastering the art of timing.”

How can we make better use of timing in our lives?

For starters, appreciate the natural rhythm of life. We needn’t push for things to happen, instead we should recognise circumstances seldom follow an ordered pattern.

Your emotions guide your actions in harmony with the natural flow of events. For example, if you offer resistance to conditions beyond your control, timing may be a barrier. To labour ahead obscured by the truth is unfavourable to achieving a positive outcome.

Our thoughts are subject to timing.

It may be difficult to grasp ideas at a certain time, while later with a raise in awareness the learnings are reinforced with little effort.

The flow of thoughts dictates some days are tempered while other days are erratic.

“One can’t live mindfully without being enmeshed in psychological processes that are around us,” affirms Philip G. Zimbardo in the book The Time Paradox.

Thus, timing gives rise to changes in the psychological process which affect us.

It bodes well to co-operate with the natural forces of life by linking time, coincidence and opportunity to favourable outcomes.

Ordered Chaos can be a powerful phenomenon so that events unfold in our favour. If we stay grounded, we trust life to serve our needs beyond our limited knowing.

My greatest life experiences happened when I least expected them, through random chaos. What seemed erratic from my first impression was my mind’s perception of the event.

As I suspend judgement, I let go of how these events should materialise and allow universal timing to play her role in establishing my reality.

My task is to keep my thoughts and emotions in check without succumbing to what unfolds.

It is with that knowing we return to Dan Millman’s opening passage, which invites us to perform all our activities in line with timing.

Timing is everything since it is the glue which binds the cosmos and the natural flow of events.

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The Art of Self-Love

Discover more about the three main aspects of self-love in this video:

1. Receive self-nurturing.

2. Practice empathy & self-compassion.

3. Heal old wounds.

Don’t forget to check out my latest course on curious.com titled, How to Build Powerful Relationships – A 10-part course with Tony Fahkry,

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Loving Who You Really Are

“Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” – Rumi

Your complete acceptance of your identity is central to your existence.

For every interaction stems from the recognition of your true self.

The Dalai Lama said it puzzled him why so many people in the West suffer from low self-esteem and lack of acceptance. We have everything we need to thrive, yet are tormented for honouring our spiritual self.

Self-love is a soft concept for many, since our upbringing emphasises serving the needs of others. To nurture ourselves first is selfish, so individuals indulge in altruistic service to the detriment of meeting their own needs.

To cite a personal example, I spent countless years locked in a futile struggle to approve of myself. This was compounded by an inflexible parent whom I could not please. As a result, I turned to high intensity physical activity as an outlet to vent my discontentment.

I took part in gruelling sporting pursuits to punish myself. My inner-dialogue summoned me to go harder until I was overcome with exhaustion or I collapsed in pain. Undeniably, the inner voice was the same one echoed by my parent, and I had adopted it as my own.

Yet underneath, my body was crying out to be loved and nurtured. The constant pain reinforced my childhood conditioning until I could take no more – something had to give.

Exercise nowadays encompasses low intensity movement and has evolved to embrace the self-love I uphold. Whilst I’m a work-in-progress as many others, I am at peace with myself having endured the contrasting state.

The path to self-love is slow and gradual, requiring patience and commitment to create an empowering inner dialogue.

“Here’s the real secret; underneath all of the “problems” you carry around is just one belief: I am not good enough,” affirms Louise Hay in Loving Yourself To Great Health.

Self-love is expressed to the degree we are vulnerable.

By exposing our cracks, we give ourselves permission to be authentic and thus attract like-minded individuals. Contained within that vulnerability is the need to love ourselves again.

Countless books and articles espouse loving yourself foremost for others to love you. Whilst I acknowledge this as helpful advice, it should not be your sole reason. Your duty is to honour yourself primarily, because within your DNA is the disposition for self-nurturing.

To accept ourselves as whole means to embody our strengths and limitations – our shadow self.

To disown your dark side means going to war with yourself, a move away from self-love.

Shame, disgust and self-disapproval are feelings we impose upon ourselves. You are not born harbouring such thoughts. It is perpetuated when you find evidence to support it.

Loving who you really are starts with the smallest act of self-renewal and self-compassion. It is the recognition you are already worthy, irrespective of your limiting beliefs.

In his book Your Redefining Moments author Dennis Merritt Jones states, “Who you really are is not subject to transition because the true Self is formless and changeless.”

You are perfectly imperfect.

The dichotomy of that statement affirms that your imperfections make you perfect.

Therefore, embrace the wholeness of your being from your place of awareness. Know that you personify goodness by your mere presence.

“Find the love you seek, by first finding the love within yourself. Learn to rest in that place within you that is your true home.” – Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

Use your imperfections to engrave upon your character that which you aspire to be. Whilst an overused analogy, the diamond formed through heat and pressure is akin to that which takes place within you.

Your trials are nourishment for your soul.

Your imperfections are nature’s gifts to impress upon your being.

Reframe from assuming you are broken since that merely capitulates to your woes.

“As soon as you believe that a label you’ve put on yourself is true, you’ve limited something that is literally limitless, you’ve limited who you are into nothing more than a thought,” avows the spiritual teacher Adyashanti.

The words Really Are in the title, are used to denote the impenetrable self that lies beneath the voice of the ego. This reaffirming voice cannot be obscured since it does not affix itself to labels relating to your self-worth.

It is as eternal as your spiritual nature and your primary aim is to make peace with the inner critic.

What assurances do you have that the inner critic is not the real you?

Look to your feelings as a guidepost.

The inner critic strives to make you inferior. This is clear when provoked, you respond in anger to uphold this image.

The authentic self does not revile you, nor does it hide behind a veil of deceit. To differentiate these voices, we realise the inner critic is nothing more than a learned script often recited.

By confronting pain, we summon our intent to move through it.

Pain is a portrait into the past to the degree that suffering means referencing the past by bringing it into the present.

As you abandon your pain story, you recognise you are not your feelings or thoughts, but something you have tied yourself to.

In any moment you suffer, direct your attention inwards by asking:

“What is going on inside me right now?”

Stay attentive to the sensations which arise: a thought or an impulse.

Move towards them with modest attentiveness instead of running away from them. The act of embracing your feelings is a show of self-love, because you are nurturing your emotional wellbeing.

It is a prompt reminder that I conclude by returning to the title quote by Rumi, “Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built up against it.”

Ultimately, loving who you really are entails tearing down the barriers that stand in the way of your spiritual essence.

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Pain Is A Portrait Into The Past

“Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us.” – David Richo

“How shall I attain Eternal Life?”

“Eternal Life is now. Come into the present.”

“But I am in the present now, am I not?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because you haven’t dropped your past.”

“Why should I drop my past? Not all of it is bad.”

“The past is to be dropped not because it is bad but because it is dead.”

The fable from Anthony de Mello’s book One Minute Wisdom underscores the message that pain is apparent when we invite the past into the present moment.

The past is an illusion because it does not exist in the here and now. From your present moment experience, what remains is a faint memory owing to the passage of time.

Suffering is eased when we reconnect to this moment and honour it as a cherished gift. Through your present awareness, you minimise the intensity of painful memories and expand your appreciation of what exists.

As you cast your attention back to the present moment, earlier memories diminish through a change in awareness.

Memories have an emotional relationship to thoughts and with enough intensity grow stronger neural networks in the brain. To change those memories, rather than drop them, focus your attention on forming new ones instead.

“Processing an emotion entails perceiving it, acknowledging it, being with it, and then letting the wave move through the body (as it naturally will if we don’t grip it or feed it),” asserts Linda Graham in Bouncing Back.

Whilst it may be obvious, the path to healing takes place when you cease to identify with the pain of the past. In doing so, you invite the healing power of love to preside over your life.

Freedom is attained when we write a new script. This new story does not extinguish our memories, it creates an empowering relationship connecting the past to the present, so peace, love and healing emerge.

To heal emotional wounds requires courage to confront the pain. Our felt sense of connection to our inner spirit is far more resilient than we imagine.

I recall my stern upbringing as a child, dominated by an uncompromising father who sought to shape me into someone I was not cut out to be. Years later throughout my adult life, I formed an incomplete story relating to the events of my childhood, steeped in anger and blame.

Ultimately, I created a new script by directing forgiveness and peace to the past.

In that moment, I healed twenty years of pain because I decided I was no longer willing to stay captive to the emotional wounds.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Viktor Frankl

In his book The Mind Body Code, author Dr. Mario Martinez states, “One of the most important lessons here is that forgiveness is a liberation from the personal enslavement you construct when a misdeed is perpetrated against you. Rather than forgiving the perpetrator, you recover the empowerment and self-worthiness you thought had been taken away from you.”

Is it conceivable that what took place five, ten or fifteen years ago may be subjective to your perception of it?

Perhaps you formed an unfair portrayal of events and have carried that story with you, much to your disappointment?

What if it were true?

How does it feel to hold on to these thoughts all this time?

For those having endured mental, emotional or physical trauma the pain is undoubtedly real. However, if you wish to heal your pain-story something must give way, otherwise you become enslaved to the past.

Inner peace is fundamental to your happiness. Anger, blame, frustration and love cannot reside in the same place. One must recede to give way to the other.

“We always want to get rid of misery rather than see how it works with joy. The point isn’t to cultivate one thing as opposed to another, but to relate properly to where we are,” affirms Pema Chodron

At the most primitive level, pain is an invitation to examine the disharmony in our life. It is not intended to prolong suffering unless we allow ourselves to stay stuck.

So, pain invites you to heal emotional conflicts by directing your attention towards peace and love.

Choice is powerful because it invites you to rewrite the past with tenderness and compassion. You create a compelling future, instead of being dictated by untoward events of the past.

Moreover, the momentary pain of confronting the past far outweighs carrying the burden of grief now and into the future.

“I don’t let go of my thoughts – I meet them with understanding. Then they let go of me,” states the American spiritual teacher Byron Katie in her acclaimed book, Loving What Is.

Pain allows you to be shaped by your experiences than be defined by them.

If I asked you to drop the pain who are you beneath that?

To hold on to pain distorts our known sense of self, we become caught up in a distorted impression of who we think we are. However well-meaning our intentions, the façade is a self-constructed image which serves to protect us.

You are not the sum of your life experiences.

Whilst they shape you, they do not define you anymore than suggesting a person’s past performance dictates their future achievements.

I wish to leave you with something the Buddha knew centuries ago and is still relevant today: “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”

With that I invite you to drop the past because it is dead and ought to remain behind you.

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The Power of Potential

“One isn’t necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can’t be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.” – Maya Angelou

It was Steven Pressfield who acknowledged, “The song we’re composing already exists in potential. Our work is to find it.”

Every man yearns to express his potential through his life and work. The dictionary defines potential as: latent qualities or abilities that may be developed and lead to future success or usefulness.

Potential evokes the impression of an idle car, roaring with possibility before hurtling down the road. It is the car’s engine and driver that decide the car’s speed. Yet, without someone to take control of the vehicle, there is little potential to speak of.

I recall taking an elective subject in automotive design at university. The lecturer, a former automotive designer, spoke of how the badge ornament for the Ford Mustang, the galloping wild horse, came to be. The final design has come to evoke a sense of movement and potential, so that even while stationary, the car conveys the image of movement.

Regrettably, many people are held back by limiting beliefs, fears and doubts related to their potential. Left unchecked, these destructive energies perpetuate into a contracted self-worth.

Whatever you buy into long enough and with enough conviction, forms your reality.

We recognise potential within ourselves foremost when we abide by our highest distinction. In doing so, it summons our dormant strengths and commitment toward greatness.

Consequently, the power of potential is the idle horse ready to gallop.

Potential necessitates discipline, attention and commitment to bring it to life. “I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free,” declared Michelangelo.

It must be said that potential is harnessed when you give yourself to the process. The greatest minds in history began life with little potential. Abraham Lincoln’s learning difficulties as a young man is an example of one who transformed potential into achievement.

To cultivate potential, we hold steadfast to move in the right direction, without becoming fixed on the path which leads us there. Potential must be obvious to the individual and is accompanied with passion and desire.

“Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision just passes time. Vision with action can change the world,” states futurist and author Joel A. Barker.

In a video blog titled How to Nurture Greatness, I allude to self-awareness as being a favourable virtue to understanding your strengths and limitations. We must emphasise our strong points while coming to terms with our weaknesses.

Make it your duty to nurture your strengths since passion and enthusiasm alone only get you so far.

An indomitable will, spawned by inspiration rouses potential.

“The potential of the average person is like a huge ocean unsailed, a new continent unexplored, a world of possibilities waiting to be released and channelled toward some great good.” – Brian Tracy

It is through dedicated focus toward a vision or dream that transforms desire into action since strong aspirations alone are insufficient.

“The difference between those people living their potential and those who don’t, is not the amount of potential itself, but the amount of permission they give themselves to live in the present,” avows spiritual teacher and author Marianne Williamson.

Whatever is possible is attributed to the mind that can conceive it.

The realisation of our goals and dreams are constrained only by our limiting beliefs. They slow if not halt progress altogether, because the same creative intelligence that manifests our desires, also gives birth to our insecurities.

The power to unleash potential is overcome by rising above our obstacles, instead of being defeated by them.

Potential is clothed in: hard work, an indomitable will, commitment and courage. To take a contrasting view, I equate lack of potential to simmering water which never boils because the heat is turned down.

In recent times there’s been much discussion given to the widely held opinion we use ten percent of our brain power. Whilst acknowledged as an urban myth, I believe we are yet to tap into our other faculties, such as intuition or the deeper subconscious mind to harness potential.

In The Power of Habit, author Charles Duhigg suggests we reveal our potential by developing sound habits. Many people’s failures are attributed to poor habits gained throughout their lifetime.

To nurture potential, we form a strong foundation to harness those gifts and nurture them as we evolve.

I am fond of the saying, Life doesn’t know what it will become until you create it.

Similarly, author Michael Talbot who wrote The Holographic Universe affirms, “We are not born into the world. We are born into something that we make into the world.”

Potential exists in all living things and is the lifeblood of universal intelligence. To allow this intelligence to act through us brings to life that which resonates with our deepest self. The same energy which gives birth to our ambitions does so at the right time and not a moment sooner.

“Everything in the Universe, including you, your soul, everyone else, and every soul, participates in a continual unfolding of potential,” avows the American spiritual teacher Gary Zukav.

You cannot escape your potential any more than refusing to inhale oxygen from the air surrounding you. However, how you use that potential forms the foundation for life to express herself through you.

Steven Pressfield struck upon a crucial point in the opening quote: that all potential exists within the space-time realm.

Your task is to birth that potential by giving it life through: dedication, commitment and inspired action.

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How Perception Creates Your Reality

“There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors of perception.” – Aldous Huxley

Perception is a remarkable phenomenon.

Author Gregory Berns states in Iconoclast, “Perception is the brain’s way of interpreting ambiguous visual signals in the most likely explanation possible. These explanations are a direct result of past experience.”

In short, perception equates to the sum of your past conditioning. In keeping with this idea, I invite you to participate in the following thought experiment to test this model.

Suppose you are raised in a poor family with little material possessions to account for. Your constant concern for money leads you to adopt a scarcity mentality. Over time, you develop negative beliefs related to money, since your past was replete with evidence of money being in short supply.

Now, let’s consider an alternative outlook.

You are raised in a wealthy family living in an affluent neighbourhood: equipped with maids, butlers and a chauffeur. You are provided with the finest luxuries you could ever need. Your family holds media interests in a thriving global empire in which you are involved. Regular travel on the company’s private plane and holidays in exotic resorts are the norm for you.

What do you think your perception of money is likely to be given the above scenario?

I’m certain prosperity, abundance and wealth would be common to your experience, given your relationship to wealth. You expect money to be readily available since reality dictates its abundant supply.

The nature of living in a material world means our reality becomes the canvas upon which we make sense of our environment.

Perception is based on our mind-constructed model of the world, such that life reflects our held beliefs and opinions. It is Stephen R. Covey who reminds us in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, “To change ourselves effectively, we first had to change our perceptions.”

In a similar example, some people believe in the institution of marriage while others consider relationships to end in disillusionment or divorce.

Yet, neither party is right nor wrong.

Their perception is coloured by their experience of reality. Your life’s experiences give rise to a distorted view of the world, observed through your self-made filters. I mean that in the best possible sense. The filters we use to create reality is biased for several reasons, least of which affirms they are the product of our past.

“All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

At the beginning of seminars, I often remind audiences of the Thomas Dewar quote which states, “Minds are like parachutes; they work best when open.” Thus to appreciate reality and connect with the Truth, it serves us well to consider opposing views and find agreement somewhere in the middle.

It is my opinion that most people are quick to pass judgement before giving others the benefit of the doubt. On most occasions, they reference formed memories to construct inaccurate assessments of a situation.

Reflect on a recent setting in which you were quick to jump to conclusions. You may have assumed you were right and the other party was wrong.

I have a recent instance that springs to mind. A friend of mine relates a story which involves a young man on a bus who neglected to offer his seat to an elderly passenger standing nearby. My friend was quick to conclude he lacked manners for failing to offer his seat to the senior passenger.

Little did my friend realise at the time, the young man had been fitted with a prosthetic leg that afternoon, related to a motor cycle accident. The prosthetist had advised him to occupy a seat on the bus since standing on the artificial leg would cause further swelling in the amputated limb. Since the bus was packed with commuters, the young man was glad to find a seat to rest his limbs.

After arriving at the same stop, my friend struck up a conversation with the man which revealed the complete story. Suffice it to say she felt remorseful, given the elderly woman did not appear to be impaired and was capable of standing unassisted.

The above scenario is an extreme example illustrating how our judgements impair our perception. Seldom do we have a detailed picture of a situation until we dig deeper.

In his highly praised book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, Robert B. Cialdini states, “Often we don’t realize that our attitude toward something has been influenced by the number of times we have been exposed to it in the past.”

In her presuming her judgement, my friend called on her biased memory to interpret the case at hand. Based on past reference, she wrongly concluded the young man to be rude, which was clearly not the case.

This simple story reinforces the need to suspend judgement because we often bring our own bias to the moment. To be tolerant of others reinforces our self-compassion and self-tolerance. We shape our reality by assuming a different filter in which to perceive life.

When a situation arises which you are unfamiliar with, rather than add a narrative to it, consider the following viewpoint instead:

“What else could be going on underneath the surface which I’m unaware of?”

Assuredly, something is always festering behind the scenes which we are unaware of. If you are quick to cast aspersions, you limit your experience of reality.

Relationships allow us to explore new ideas within a unique setting. In exploring and integrating those ideas we form new vistas upon which our reality expands.

Your perception of reality will always be subject to past experiences and beliefs.

To be aware and awake, you become a conscious creator of your destiny, while appreciating there will always be more than meets the eye in our existence.

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How To Nurture Greatness

I outline the three principles to nurture greatness in this video. We examine how to harness personal power through the focus of these principles. Don’t forget to check out my latest course on curious.com titled, How to Build Powerful Relationships – A 10-part course with Tony Fahkry.

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Stop Resisting and Embrace All That Is

“There are ultimately two choices in life: to fight it or to embrace it. If you fight it you will lose – if you embrace it you become one with it and you’ll be lived.” – Rasheed Ogunlaru

The disciples were involved in a heated discussion on the cause of human suffering.

Some said it came from selfishness. Others, from delusion.

Yet others, from the inability to distinguish the real from the unreal.

When the Master was consulted he said, “All suffering comes from a person’s inability to sit still and be alone.”

There is great truth that being alone in silence is a worthwhile antidote to overcome the weight of human suffering. We languish in sorrow because outside events unsettle our sense of stability, hence to change external conditions ameliorates the pain.

When intense or negative emotions arise, there is a heightened tendency to escape them. This could be attributed to the opinion that negative emotions should be tossed aside and not confronted.

The nature of reality is filled with pain and suffering. Interspersed are moments of joy and happiness to the degree that no untoward condition is permanent. It is how we respond to the difficult times that points the way to our personal growth.

In her book When Things Fall Apart, spiritual teacher Pema Chodron affirms, “Life is a good teacher and a good friend. Things are always in transition, if we could only realize it.”

We accept life’s unfolding events by allowing experiences to move through us with unreserved patience. The moment you resist pain, it pushes against you with an overpowering force until you concede.

Your darkest hour, however frightening can never extinguish the illuminating radiance of your being. Consider it to dimming the lights inside your home to impose darkness while it’s still daylight outside. Even through concealed curtains, the light still penetrates the dark.

Striving, longing and expecting are ways the mind places barriers around our happiness. We never know what life will bring, so we let go of fixed outcomes and trust conditions will advance of their own accord.

I appreciate Michael Singer’s view in his acclaimed book The Untethered Soul, “The only permanent solution to your problems is to go inside and let go of the part of you that seems to have so many problems with reality.”

The minute you resist life, you are called to surrender to the unfolding conditions. In the moment you concede to universal intelligence, you merge with the natural order of events.

When pain emerges, drop into it instead of resisting it.

Why?

Because your resistance signifies your opposition to life. It is your resistance to what is that is the source of suffering, not the pain itself.

Trust in your capacity to overcome whatever arises. Trust in life and the unseen forces that conspire to help you in the unfolding of your personal story.

“Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don’t have to like it… it’s just easier if you do.” – Byron Katie

Celebrate life, knowing the sequence of events change. What seems unwelcomed at first may become your greatest teacher. Expect the foundations to be laid before assuming the worst.

“The point is to lean toward the discomfort of life and see it clearly rather than to protect ourselves from it,” states Pema Chodron.

Your life’s journey is composed of layers, concealed by the weight of past conditioning. By allowing life to unfold through us, we consent to uncover those layers. Similarly, as you encounter an experience and overcome it, another layer is revealed.

Charlene Belitz and Meg Lundstrom remind us in their book The Power of Flow, “If you get real comfortable, it’s less likely you’ll make a lot of progress. If you’re always seeking pleasure, you’re not necessarily in Truth.”

Unpleasant feelings are not to be avoided, yet embraced. This does not mean celebrate pain, though accept circumstances as they arise, knowing there’s a vital lesson contained within it.

The moment we declare our intention to move through pain, we activate the wisdom to overcome undesirable events. When we shy away from an experience, we resist the moment.

As you know, that which you resist intensifies until you are called to face the truth, amidst untenable circumstances.

At the least, to embrace life is a commitment that what transpires will do so of its own accord. We have two choices: resist what emerges or accept it with trusted humility.

What appears threatening at first is identical to thunder on a sultry night: loud and confronting, yet leads the way for the looming rain.

There is a reassuring quality in the wake of every experience. Even in the ravages of a natural disaster, the human spirit cannot be overshadowed. To rebuild one’s life, with stronger foundations is testament to our grounding legacy to survive any untoward condition.

Psychotherapist and teacher David Richo affirms in The Five Things We Cannot Change, “We worry because we do not trust ourselves to handle what happens to us. We worry because we do not trust that the way the chips fall will work out for the best.”

Yet everything works out for the best if we get out of our way and embrace all that is. Life is a self-organising system, functioning irrespective of our resistance to it.

This same force responsible for creating the cosmos has a good handle on the organisation of the universe, given its 14 billion year history.

It was the transformational author and critical thinker Werner Erhard who taught, “Life will resolve itself in the process of Life Itself.” There is little for us to do other than stay attentive to the outcome.

To embrace all that is, we must expand our notion of suffering to correspond with the natural order of events.

By spending quiet time in reflection every so often, we quiet the mind to allow the voice of reason to emerge, through the stillness of life.

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Remembering Who You Really Are

“The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.” – Michel de Montaigne 

“Remembering who you really are is a subtle shift of attention from a tense present to the present tense.”

So echo the words from author and teacher, Jeff Foster, who calls us to reaffirm our attentiveness to the present moment. There is an aliveness to being grounded in the here and now, we slip out of the intriguing dream of the past to appreciate this moment.

If the past serves as accumulated memories, there can be no depth to our experience of it from our present state of awareness. Yet, if we are alive in the present moment, life materialises in that instance.

The aliveness of our present experience transcends any distant memory we hold on to. It is through this connection of the now that we unlock the gateway to a deeper relationship with our spiritual self.

Many people are oblivious to life’s deeper purpose. Just like mice in a lab experiment, they merely survive to the next meal before their time runs out, lamenting how life passed them by.

Yet it need not be this way. You have a choice to overcome any limitations that are self-imposed or otherwise.

Consider your response to the following:

What is your life story about?

Why are you attracting these life experiences?

What are the lessons contained within those moments?

These are questions to consider if we wish to pay closer attention to our purpose. What themes and struggles have followed you over time, to create the canvas of your life?

Every experience is unique to you because it compels you to evolve, otherwise you stay stagnant.

While it may sound like New Age cliché at a click, the wisdom you seek is contained within you. This is the same intelligence which directs blood supply to your beating heart and regulates the intricate division of cells.

We disassociate from our thinking mind, into the quiet space within to connect with that wisdom. You may call it home, others liken it to returning to a comfortable, yet reassuring presence they never left.

However you experience it, you are the expression of universal intelligence constantly shifting. You were conceived out of love, irrespective of the conditions that supported your birth.

Jeff Foster reminds us, “Remembering who you really are stops you living in suspense, longing for your next holiday, tired of life and waiting for retirement, and makes every day a holiday – a holy day. Which it always was, of course.”

“When one is a stranger to oneself, then one is estranged from others, too.” – Anne Morrow Lindbergh 

I remember with fondness, catching the train to school each morning in my pre-teenage years. I saw office workers clutching the daily newspaper under their arms, expecting the day ahead.

Coincidentally, it was during my ride home I observed those people grappling the same newspaper under their arms, appearing jagged and worn, having been read cover to cover. The paper was symbolic of how they felt working in a dreary job: worn out and listless.

I invite you to stop for a moment in your day to be alive – I mean really be alive in your surroundings. Notice your breathing, your heartbeat, your thoughts which arise and fall to produce the accompanying emotions. This is life functioning as the individual you call “I.”

It is no surprise you are the director and star in your life’s story. Whilst you have a minor influence how the plot unfolds, you have the power to direct the course of your destiny nevertheless, instead of being stuck in your current circumstances.

As a powerful co-creator and through the power of your mind, you set this intention to coincide with your heart’s desire.

“Question: Since you are here to remember who you are, why have you forgotten? Answer: Perhaps you have lived another’s dream and not your own,” states author Rusty Berkus in his book To Heal Again.

What if this life is a dream, a very real dream? What if you were to awake from this dream to realise you haven’t really lived or worse still, just survived?

I am reminded of the uplifting Samuel Taylor Coleridge poem which invites us to acknowledge our power to create a wonderful world, “What if you slept? And what if, in your sleep, you went to heaven and there plucked a strange and beautiful flower? And what if, when you awoke, you had the flower in your hand? Ah, what then?”

To honour our inner wisdom is the core of our spiritual evolution. We reconnect with our authentic nature by honouring the values which point us toward our true self.

As we abide by these values, we awaken our genius, our potential and the willingness to see through the lingering fog of confusion. We never disconnect from our source of knowing, rather we lose our way back to it.

There is a salient undercurrent which simmers beneath the surface of human-kind. This mysterious energy is unassuming and yet is known when you meet somebody who leaves a lasting impression on you.

Some are fortunate to connect with this spiritual energy during their lifetime while at the same time accomplishing their deepest desires. For others who stray from their spiritual self, it heralds the path back home.

“However, every moment is an invitation to remember, that although the waves of consciousness may rise and crash, in the Ocean’s depths lives the deep peace and silence of yourself. Silence, and knowing,” affirms Jeff Foster.

I encourage you to surrender labels, ideas and beliefs of who you think you are. This is a formed image that keeps you safe in the world. You don’t need this persona anymore than you need reading glasses when your eyesight is 20/20.

Life leads you to discover this unyielding Self by guiding you to honour the foundations of your unlimited potential.

To remember who you really are requires a subtle shift from struggle, worry and anxiety to being surrounded by the richness of the present moment.

Who we are is contained within those pockets of tiny moments, interspersed throughout our life. If we are not completely aware of them, they pass us by at the drop of a hat.

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