Tony Fahkry's Blog, page 44

Knowing The Language Of The Heart

“The heart has its own language. The heart knows a hundred thousand ways to speak.” — Rumi

I want you to close your eyes for a moment. Bring your awareness to your chest and place your attention on the feelings and sensations around your chest. While seated, continue to breathe easily and direct your focus on this region. You might encounter tingling feelings, images might flash across your mind – let them show up.

Now open your eyes.

Welcome to the resonance of the heart. You have embarked on the first step in experiencing your heart energy.

The voice of the heart is quiet and assuring, though it can be drowned out by the relentless mental dialogue at play in our mind.

The language of the heart is the call of the soul which echoes in a faint whisper.

Upon closer examination, we see the ego is dominant, relentless and ill-advised to help us navigate life. It is the cunning friend with honest intentions, spurring you towards insensitive acts of courage.

In comparison, the heart speaks in a clear and reassuring way to reinforce our personal success and soul’s transformation.

I am reminded of a delightful tale by the late Indian Jesuit priest and psychotherapist, Anthony de Mello:

“What must I do to attain holiness?” said a traveller.

“Follow your heart,” said the Master.

That seemed to please the traveller.

Before he left, however, the Master said to him in a whisper, “To follow your heart you are going to need a strong constitution.”

A strong constitution is required since the heart’s wisdom will often conflict the logic of the mind. It is experienced as an emotion, a sensation or an inner experience, while the mind’s narrative is firm and resolute.

Soulful living is an invitation to live beyond the material world, guided by our heart’s wisdom. This is challenging because we are unfamiliar communicating with our heart, since our focus is fixed on left brain logic. It is the analysis and over-analysis which leads to paralysis of the body.

It is as simple and yet as involved as the message from author Gary Zukav who affirms in The Seat Of The Soul, “Feel your intentions in your heart. Feel not what your mind tells you, but what your heart tells you.”

Our addiction can lead us to react to external events while being insensitive to the call of our inner wisdom.

“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.” – Carl Jung

To experience the way of the heart, we must develop the capacity to listen. This is challenging when our environment constantly summons our attention. We are exposed to fear-based news stories, products or services we don’t need or, worse still, a celebrity scandal that carries limited importance in our lives.

We don’t have to be drawn into this endless drama and can choose to be pulled by life’s circumstances or be led by the call of our spirit, which knows the way.

To know the language of the heart is the essence of love, the foundation of universal power.

Love is the highest order conferred to us at the moment of conception. Millions of people spend their entire life in search of their soulmate, while all along they seek to experience the essence of their soul.

“The human heart is a keenly sensitive area of feeling and knowing that is a portal to our deepest self. Heart wisdom is a blend of deep feeling and understanding,” states author John Prendergast PhD.

We must try to live from the heart, instead of a self-centred existence imposed by what is missing in our life.

This heart-based living I speak of is a return to wholeness. We never disconnect from this aspect of our being, aside from when we become distracted and lose our way.

Similarly, language is not confined to that learned and communicated through words. It is conveyed through: intuition, sensations, feelings and an inner knowing. We must connect with this inner wisdom to know the entirety of our being.

Meditation and regular silence is valuable to connect with the heart because we lower the volume on the endless chatter that occupies the spaces between our thoughts.

For many, to retreat into silence means being alone with their thoughts, however disconcerting it may seem, rather than to realise their sacred nature.

The American spiritual teacher Adyashanti affirms, “Who would I be if I fell into the heart, not as some sort of ideal, not as something I imagine, but something that I actually allow to happen at the deepest level?”

The voice of the heart shows itself through feelings that connect you to your soul. When we honour these feelings and intentions they lead us back home where we yearn to be.

It was Hans Christian Andersen who said, “Where words fail music speaks.” This music lives in our heart and is discernible if we fall silent long enough to hear its message.

To be guided by your heart while using the logic of the mind is to unify mind and body, so that every thought and action emerges from intentional living.

“When we are willing to set aside the contents of an “overstuffed” mind and walk the trail unburdened, we’ll discover that it’s difficult not to hear what the heart wants to say,” states author Dennis Merritt Jones.

So as our attention deepens into our heart, we discover in that stillness our eternal soul calling us to be one again.

For as the Master knew all along: to follow your heart demands a firm constitution.

After all, the way of the heart will adopt everything the mind is unable to embrace.

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The Magic of ‘Yes’ Video Blog

This video examines how we can say ‘Yes’ to life. It is our fears and insecurities that limit favourable conditions finding their way to us because we fixate on disempowering states. Don’t forget to check out my latest course on curious.com titled, How to Build Powerful Relationships – A 10-part course with Tony Fahkry.

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The Magic of ‘Yes’

This video examines how we can say ‘Yes’ to life. It is our fears and insecurities that limit favourable conditions finding their way to us because we fixate on disempowering states. Don’t forget to check out my latest course on curious.com titled, How to Build Powerful Relationships – A 10-part course with Tony Fahkry.

The post The Magic of ‘Yes’ appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

The Magic of ‘Yes’

“I have enjoyed life a lot more by saying “yes” than by sayings “no”.” – Richard Branson

It was screenwriter Sidney Howard of Gone with the Wind who stated, “One half of knowing what you want is knowing what you must give up before you get it.”

The magic of ‘yes’ marks the juxtaposition of something gained and lost in the moment of choosing.

By acknowledging ‘yes,’ we recognise the power in those three letters to give life to our desires.

Often we reject opportunities that can have a life-changing effect. It is our fears and insecurities that limit favourable conditions finding their way to us because we fixate on these disempowering states.

What if there’s a better approach?

What if it involved flicking the switch from saying ‘no’ to ‘yes’?

The word ‘yes’ is energising and has a metaphysical relationship tied to movement and energy. In comparison, ‘no’ denotes inertia, motionless and fixedness.

‘Yes’ is action orientated while ‘no’ is averse to action because its active power is impermanent.

There’s an episode in the sitcom Seinfeld titled The Opposite in which the character George Costanza realises that throughout his whole life he’s been making the wrong decisions. In discussing his dilemma with his friend Jerry he is told, “If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.”

This sets off a realisation to do the complete opposite of what he would normally do. He orders the opposite of his normal lunch and introduces himself to an attractive woman who orders the same lunch, saying, “My name is George. I’m unemployed and I live with my parents.” Much to his surprise, she is impressed and agrees to date him.

Whilst I acknowledge a comedy sitcom is far from the real world, I invite you to think in opposites.

What if instead of saying ‘no’, you embraced the magic of ‘yes’?

We often say ‘no’ to conditions out of our comfort zone due to our unworthiness or ability to seize the challenge. Leadership experts recommend we say ‘yes’ to opportunities then deliver on our commitment.

Most people however prefer to line up their ducks before carrying out the task.

‘Yes’ can be life transforming, since it unifies our desires and deepest intentions.

“Whatever comes your way, accept it as it is and appreciate it for what it contributes to your life—say “yes” and “thanks.” When you believe that everything has a purpose and that you’re here to learn lessons, then this attitude is a natural outgrowth,” affirm authors Charlene Belitz and Meg Lundstrom in The Power of Flow: Practical Ways to Transform Your Life with Meaningful Coincidence.

“Saying ‘yes’ means getting up and acting on your belief that you can create meaning and purpose in whatever life hands you.” – Susan Jeffers

Consider life akin to a maze, with doors that unlock when you say ‘yes’ to opportunities. ‘No’ interrupts the process of life, because we reject the miracles in those tiny pockets of possibility.

Did you know that by the time you reach adulthood, you would have heard the word ‘no’ repeated 50,000 times?

In comparison, the word ‘yes’ is heard 7,000 times. It is no wonder self-criticism weaves its way into our psyche. We are notorious for falsifying inaccurate tales about ourselves.

Indeed, during our formative years we are exposed to ‘no’ because it depends on our survival. Yet, it becomes embedded in our subconscious and we cease taking risks.

Playing it safe diminishes living a fulfilling life because we block opportunities.

We must break from a survival mentality and advance toward empowering thoughts if we aspire to transform our life.

In their book The One Thing: The surprisingly simple truth behind extraordinary results, authors Gary Keller and Jay Papasan state, “Your talent and abilities are limited resources. Your time is finite. If you don’t make your life about what you say yes to, then it will almost certainly become what you intended to say no to.”

Let me be clear, affirming ‘yes’ is an inner declaration to be receptive to life.

The magic of ‘yes’ energises mind and body and allows us to be sympathetic to the conditions that surround us.

The late Japanese author and researcher Masaru Emoto is well known for his books and research into the effects of human consciousness and water. In many experiments he exposed water to various words ranging from hate to love and observed their molecular composition under magnification. He noted hate formed a deformed structure while love showed a perfect and symmetrical structure.

Given that up to 60% of the human adult body is composed of water, physiologically speaking ‘no’ has the potential to impact our physiology. It was Candace Pert, an American neuroscientist, who said, “Your body is your subconscious mind.”

When ‘no’ becomes embedded in our psyche, it infects our thoughts and behaviour so we ignore potential opportunities for fear of failure. We become habituated in a destructive cycle and are powerless to take action.

In contrast, ‘yes’ triggers interest within ourselves and others and is the meeting place for fresh opportunities.

The magic of ‘yes’ is liberating because it encourages us to conquer our doubts, fears and insecurities. Like most things, the more we practice, the more we encounter opportunities when we least expect it.

To appreciate the magic of ‘yes’, commit to new opportunities at least twice a week. Build up over time and notice the difference as you embrace life.

Our proclamation of ‘yes’ also signifies accepting undesirable conditions. Knowing an ideal outcome awaits us around the corner, we can say ‘yes’ to a speeding ticket or being laid off from work.

“Courage is your compass. It illuminates your path,” states author Sean Patrick in Awakening Your Inner Genius.

I leave you with comedian Jerry Seinfeld’s advice to George Costanza, “If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right” and encourage you to say ‘yes’ to life with openness.

Afterall, it may be the very thing to set your life on track.

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The Power of Mindful Action

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“Looking upon leads to awareness. Awareness leads to action.” – Talmud

The Master once asked his disciples which was more important: wisdom or action.

The disciples were unanimous: “Action, of course. Of what use is wisdom that does not show itself in action?”

Said the Master, “And of what use is action that proceeds from an unenlightened heart?”

Tony de Mello’s fable highlights that deliberate action emanates from an awakened mind and pure heart.

Mindful action unfolds when we are present in the moment, not elsewhere absorbed in runaway thoughts.

Our actions stem from being aware and awake to our greater purpose and not victims to our innate desires.

It is easy to succumb to numbing thoughts because they are buried deep within our psyche. We are only aware of them once we have carried out the deed.

Mindful action involves bringing your whole self into the present moment, engaged with life as it unfolds. Its power lies in its practice and application. The more we are mindful of our actions, the less pain and suffering we encounter.

Jon Kabat-Zinn, the founder of Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction states the aim of mindfulness is to act with clarity and intent.

Mindful action calls us to be prepared instead of having a divided focus. We become absorbed in the flow experience of life and bring our thoughts into the present moment with openness and honesty.

“Callous actions are caused by callous minds,” states author Nicholas Epley in Mindwise.

To avoid heartless action, we practice mindful thinking to pay attention in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgementally.

For some, it may take a lifetime of anxiety, pain and suffering to realise who they are. Yet through mindful action we connect with our deepest self, so our actions result from thoughtfulness.

We harmonise with our inner intelligence and trust the intuitive guidance that appears, rather than dismiss it as unrelated. We realise underneath the façade, we are already wise and not at the mercy of our thoughts and emotions.

Likewise, mindful action helps us deal with stress and anxiety because we are no longer governed by them. Instead, we use those disempowering states as motivation toward wholehearted living.

Stress and anxiety serve no role within the body’s landscape since we are now mindful of the purpose they served – unity over separation.

“Do you have patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving till the right action arises by itself?” – Lao Tzu

Mindful action is useful to reinforce nutritional harmony. Emotional eaters will benefit from mindfulness instead of responding to the pull of their instinctive desires.

Often, we are at the mercy of our emotional instabilities and turn to food to feel better about ourselves. While short lived, the consequences of not attending to our emotional wellbeing heightens the discord between mind and body.

Moreover, using food as an emotional blanket desensitises our emotions, so we react instead of merge with our core feelings. We may experience runaway emotions while powerless to guide ourselves back to harmony.

Linda Graham MFT states, “Choose to recondition afflictive emotions that block wise action, freeing up energy that lets you move in the world resiliently.”

Mindful action allows us to inhabit our body with attentiveness and act according to our core values.

Similarly, the power of focus directs our thoughts so our actions are intentional and not automatic. To focus means to harness our mental faculties towards appropriate action, which arises from intrinsic motivators and not external circumstances.

Our focus can be deceived by the tide of disharmony, which can be disconcerting. Once we regain our composure, we shift our attention so our actions originate from mindful intent.

It is no surprise life can be filled with circumstances not of our choosing. At these times, we must be careful with our thoughts and highest intentions, instead of being governed by external elements.

“Indeed, we are constantly engaged in the self-construction business, on both outer and inner levels, through both thought and actions, in our ongoing effort to convince not only others but ourselves that we really exist,” states Lama Surya Das.

Our actions define who we are while our words reveal who we aspire to become. We must be persistent in choosing mindful actions that resonate with harmonious thoughts.

We are defined by our actions more than our words, so it stands they be congruent with how we want to be perceived by others. This is the one true barometer of our character that speaks volumes of who we become.

Mindful action leads us to observe the call of our inner spirit. It is the modest counsellor directing our soul’s evolution.

Again Lama Surya Das reminds us in The Big Questions: How to Find Your Own Answers to Life’s Essential Mysteries, “Through understanding, we can avoid looking for what we want and need in the wrong places, repeating the same actions while hoping for and even expecting different results, and seeking happiness in ways which simply perpetuate our unhappiness and suffering.”

I believe we have discovered something important here. Mindful action emerges from a greater intelligence tied to a pure heart and enlightened mind. To the uninitiated, an enlightened mind naturally means a mind free of prejudices and conditions.

Let us be attentive to our inner spirit by allowing it to influence our thoughts, rather than be led by the chaos of our external world.

As the computer idiom goes “junk in, junk out.” To be mindful of our thoughts leads to deliberate action, which is the fertile ground of an enlightened mind.

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The Road to Excellence

“The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential… these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.” – Confucius

In his book The Five Things We Cannot Change, author David Richo writes, “The Zen poet Basho says: ‘All who have achieved real excellence in any art possess one thing in common, a mind to obey nature, to be one with nature throughout the four seasons of the year.’ Individual plans are therefore secondary to the larger purposes of a flowing universe.”

I wish to impress upon you that excellence arises when we develop this mental discipline and collaborate with nature’s laws.

To attain excellence we must foremost be acquainted with its qualities. For example, success is measured against others achievements while excellence is an individual pursuit.

Leadership expert Robin Sharma says we should strive to be our best to attain excellence, “Be so ridiculously great at what you do that the world cannot help but give you an audience.”

In a similar vein the comedic genius Steve Martin said, “Be so good they can’t ignore you.”

Excellence is accomplished by providing more than expected. Not only do we exceed other’s expectations, we enrich their lives by being of service and adding value.

There is much discussion these days regarding achieving success. Thought leaders offer wavering advice on strategies to climb your way to the top. Yet, as we pursue excellence, success is there to greet us if our actions are firm.

Consider the following formula for excellence:

Excellence {leads to} Personal Growth {leads to} Results {leads to} Success = Prosperity

In discussing excellence I’m reminded of those who surpass our wildest expectations. They are: Olympic athletes, music performers, artists and dancers to name a few, having accumulated 10,000 hours of deliberate practice.

“It is a lifetime accumulation of deliberate practice that again and again ends up explaining excellence,” states Cal Newport in So Good They Can’t Ignore You.

Excellence invites us to become the centre of our universe. We live life defined by smaller acts of distinction once we have mastered our inner domain.

“Achieving excellence is one part human participation, but the other part is some kind of divine intervention that I am yet to fully understand. It is these types of questions that make me believe that life really is worth living, despite all the pain and gnashing of teeth we must go through,” states Sport Psychologist and Leadership expert Stan Beecham.

The ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus considered excellence to be natural, in that we inherently seek pleasure and avoid pain. In the Ancient Greek language, the word Areté means excellence of any kind and signifies moral virtue.

Human excellence is the psychological basis for carrying out the activities of a human life in a positive manner; to that extent human excellence is also happiness. Similarly, we can see excellence is characterised by moral virtues. The moral virtue relevant to fear, for instance, is courage.

Likewise, it was Aristotle who said, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”

“The secret of living a life of excellence is merely a matter of thinking thoughts of excellence. Really, it’s a matter of programming our minds with the kind of information that will set us free.” – Charles R. Swindoll

To live a life of excellence we must identify with our core values and live them as best we can while aware of the complexity of our human nature. To know oneself at a deeper level, we overcome the restraints of our unconscious past to realise inner freedom.

In a similar vein, honouring our emotional wellbeing is paramount for living an authentic life. This is recognised by our commitment to honour our self-worth rather than be dictated to by disempowering states. We refuse to be defined by our limiting beliefs and challenge them when they no longer serve us.

Many people Navigate Life unaware of their limiting beliefs and accept them as the fabric of their being. Yet through our understanding of brain neuroplasticity and epigenetics, we know nothing is fixed or permanent including our thoughts.

It would be remiss of me to get this far into the article and not mention the work of Carol Dweck who states, “This growth mindset is based on the belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts. Although people may differ in every which way—in their initial talents and aptitudes, interests, or temperaments—everyone can change and grow through application and experience.”

So, by adopting a growth mindset we surge towards excellence as the springboard to success.

Excellence is attained when we let go of thoughts and beliefs which no longer harmonise with our deepest being. If they don’t allow us to live to our highest moral code, we must dispose of them in place of those that uphold our best conduct.

To live a life of excellence is a call toward wholehearted living, irrespective of our comparisons to others.

It is our authentic power that permits mutual co-operation with ourselves and others. We answer the call of our inner spirit when we pursue integrity and nurture our commitment to support our highest position.

It is well known that success can lead to complacency, because we are lulled into settling once our goals and objectives are met. In contrast, excellence is marked by continued improvement instead of being outcome focussed. This is what Carol Dweck refers to when she argues the case for developing a Growth Mindset instead of a Fixed Mindset.

Lastly, the path to excellence is lined with many detours, failures and setbacks. The greatest inventors of our century had countless failures and disasters, yet these blunders did not discourage them from eventual success.

Therefore, an unwavering passion and commitment is paramount for attaining excellence.

Let us not be blinded by the promise of success, rather we pursue excellence for what it brings to our life.

Afterall, success is a destination while excellence is an enduring journey of self-discovery and blinding detours.

May those detours lead you to the highest excellence throughout your lif

Parry, Richard, “Ancient Ethical Theory”, The Stanford Encyclopaedia of Philosophy (Fall 2014 Edition), Edward N. Zalta (ed.), URL = <http://plato.stanford.edu/archives/fall2014/entries/ethics-ancient/>.

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The Art of Living Beautifully

“Living well and beautifully and justly are all one thing.” – Socrates

In the 1996 movie Jack, the lead character played by Robin Williams announces at his graduation, “Please, don’t worry so much. Because in the end none of us has very long on this earth. Life is fleeting. And if you’re ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day, make a wish, and think of me. Make your life spectacular.”

There is something memorable about that passage that drives deep into our soul. True to his words, Robin Williams lived a remarkable life equalled with an illustrious career.

This article is not a surmise on the late actor, rather an invitation to “Make your life spectacular.”

The art of living beautifully is a call to know thyself without exception. Otherwise we are at the mercy of external events which disrupt the foundations of our inner life.

To know oneself means to align with our authentic nature. Regretfully, many people seldom explore the complexity of their emotional constitution until it’s too late.

A life of beauty arises when we move beyond our fixed reality and dare to explore the life we dream possible. It means to live fearlessly, beyond the walls of a comfortable existence.

To live a beautiful life means to transform disempowering states into positive life experiences.

Life’s events can scar us, leaving us vulnerable. Seemingly, we cease taking risks for fear of getting hurt. Whilst universal, the drawback is to retreat without ever reaching for the treasures we long for.

The greatest mind of our century, Albert Einstein said, “The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science.”

I urge you to explore this sentiment by trusting in the mysterious where the seeds of opportunity lie.

Life is hardly predictable. Like torrential rain on a sultry night, when change ushers through, it can leave a deluge of uncertainty in its wake.

For that reason, consider your problems as an alluring adventure instead of a melting pot of frustration. Whilst challenging, a change in perception allows you to appreciate difficult moments to cultivate personal growth. We must be mindful of these opportunities as they arise, rather than concede life is devoid of wonderful moments.

Most people strive for happiness. Bookshelves are littered with advice proclaiming the secret to attain happiness in thirty days or less. Yet research shows we are less happy than in the past. Maybe technology is to blame for creating insincere connections devoid of social interactions.

“Every difficulty in life presents us with an opportunity to turn inward and to invoke our own submerged inner resources. The trials we endure can and should introduce us to our strengths.” – Epictetus

To be in service of others is a way out of the unhappiness trap. It is not a transitory practice either, rather an opportunity to deepen our connection with ourselves.

“Like the Dalai Lama and the Buddha himself, many modern scientists and philosophers agree that serving others is the secret to happiness, fulfillment, and a good and beautiful life,” asserts Lama Surya Das in The Big Questions: How to Find Your Own Answers to Life’s Essential Mysteries.

Clearly, we know happiness is not tied to owning the latest smartphone or sports car. Whilst the advice seems obvious, many people fill the emptiness within by amassing material objects. This creates more desires and if we have limited financial resources, creates further pain and suffering.

I assure you, no material object will complete you more than what lies deep within your soul.

To live beautifully means to live according to our highest values. In doing so, we form meaningful connections with others that enrich our life.

Likewise, we must avoid seeing life being a sequence of daily routines and events which pass by at the blink of an eye. If we subscribe to this erroneous thinking, we succumb to the monotony of living a Groundhog Day existence.

Miracles take place right before our eyes. We miss them because we rush about our day scurrying to the next event or trying to meet deadlines. It was the late Dr. Wayne Dyer who said, “Miracles come in moments. Be ready and willing.” Miracles cannot be experienced by analysing the past or future, for they will pass you by like a high-speed train if you are unaware.

So, disconnect from processing thoughts for a moment and move into your heart, the source of all wisdom where your soul calls home.

Similarly, a beautiful life calls us to recognise what is of value to us. One way to experience beauty is to stop, listen and connect with our surroundings. This means to slow to the speed of life instead of running around like the mad hatter in Alice in Wonderland, hoping to get everything done yet achieving little.

To be present in the moment is challenging because life leads us in different directions. Before long we succumb to external forces, instead of abiding by our inner blueprint.

We must relax and let go of unnecessary stressors that are not tied to our long-term happiness. Unwelcomed stress affects our capacity to enjoy life because we react to events, instead of allow them to pass through our lives. Visualise a boxer backed into the ropes, battling punches from his opponent. He cannot move into an offensive stance because he is fixed in a Parked state.

Life can have that effect on us because we are pushed and pulled to our limits and retreat in resignation. Sure enough, the next blow arrives stronger than before and if our guard is down, we’re knocked to the ground harder than before.

I wish to leave you with a quote from the epic motion picture Braveheart in which William Wallace declares to the Princess of Wales, “Every man dies, not every man really lives.”

To live a beautiful life is an invitation to live passionately while you can.

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The Power Of Being Brave

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”– Nelson Mandela

A young child perched atop a house saw a wolf passing under him.

He immediately began to revile and attack his enemy.

“Murderer and thief,” he cried, “what business do you have here, near honest folks’ houses?

“How dare you come here where your vile deeds are known?”

The wolf replied, “Curse away, my young friend, I have every right to be here.”

This simple tale demonstrates that bravery is not something to be attained from a safe distance, but moving beyond our comfort zone.

The act of bravery signifies bold action, amidst the backdrop of fear and uncertainty.

Fear dominates people’s lives because of the perceived consequences. They cower in resignation, preferring the comfort of their known environment.

Yet, being brave invites us to reach beyond our safety net, not to plunge recklessly into uncharted territory, for that would be imprudent.

Recall the last time you summoned bravery?

What skills or lessons did you gain that are relevant today?

I appreciate Chögyam Trungpa’s understanding of bravery in Smile at Fear: Awakening the True Heart of Bravery, “The ultimate definition of bravery is not being afraid of who you are.”

Bravery then is a call to connect with our deepest wisdom. It calls us to identify your protagonist that lies dormant within.

Firefighters, paramedics and soldiers are brave because they face life-threatening circumstances everyday. The firefighter attends to the scene of a vehicle accident knowing in any moment the car could be engulfed.

Bravery can manifest in less noticeable ways. To pursue your dreams despite your family’s protests shows courage, since you are guided to pursue your truth despite their objections.

“We want to be brave, and deep inside we know that being brave requires us to be vulnerable,” affirms author Brené Brown in Rising Strong

Courage is expressed through our actions and words. To live a rewarding life on our terms instead of being dictated by other people represents daring bravery. Similarly, voicing your disapproval when you are wronged underscores the willingness to be treated with respect.

“Moral excellence comes about as a result of habit. We become just by doing just acts, temperate by doing temperate acts, brave by doing brave acts.” – Aristotle

It is no surprise public speaking is considered a leading fear for many, yet for professional speakers being on stage is an opportunity to indulge their talents and genius. They are moved by passion and purpose rather than dictated by fear. What is frightening for some is exhilarating for others.

Sometimes the greatest acts of courage emerge from the smallest deeds. To apologise when you unintentionally hurt somebody calls us to be vulnerable when it matters.

Bravery is apparent when we express our deepest convictions. This generates authentic communication with others, instead of being guided by their opinions.

Author and Tibetan Buddhist nun Pema Chodron reminds us that bravery is taking action in spite of fear, “So the next time you encounter fear, consider yourself lucky. This is where the courage comes in. Usually we think that brave people have no fear. The truth is that they are intimate with fear.”

Life offers us multiple opportunities to choose bravery or endure defeat. Contained within those moments we discover the depth of our being.

As emotional creatures we are vulnerable to hurt and rejection, especially when our self-worth is at stake. Bravery allows us to overcome our inner Demons and emerge victorious with our self-esteem intact.

Brené Brown states, “The truth is that falling hurts. The dare is to keep being brave and feel your way back up.”

Ultimately, when we abide by our innate truth and deepest conviction, we needn’t concern ourselves about how others perceive us.

While not obvious, fear is an illusion dictated by our past. Many equate failure with lack of courage because it compromises their self-worth. As stipulated in an earlier article, equating self-worth to failure is futile to your long-term happiness. We must avoid associating failure to a lessened self-worth because the two are mutually exclusive.

Bravery emerges when we acknowledge our weaknesses and insecurities. Vulnerability, despite its association is not a sign of weakness. It is a symbol of courage, because we express our authenticity to others by revealing our weakness. In doing so, we invite those we trust to honour their authentic nature through a shared soul experience.

I am drawn to Dr. Alex Lickerman’s affirmation in The Undefeated Mind: On the Science of Constructing an Indestructible Self, “If we want to be courageous, we should figure out what other people do to make us feel brave and trigger them to trigger that. If we want to be our best selves—in other words, the selves we like the most—we should aim first to pull the best selves we can out of the people around us.”

Equally, to admit one’s mistakes such as, “I’m sorry” shows our humaneness. We deepen our connection to others, allowing them to be less stoic and more genuine.

Bravery is a continued commitment to venture beyond our comfort zone when we’re reluctant. In doing so, we confront our fears instead of remain safe in a comfortable space.

As the opening fable emphasises, being brave from a safe distance does not reinforce courage, it only strengthens our fears.

We must cross over from cowardice to bravery to discover a new world that underpins our strengths and inner wisdom.

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Two Wolves Within and The One You Feed

“And one of the elders of the city said, ‘Speak to us of good and evil.’ And he answered: ‘You are good in countless ways, and you are not evil when you are not good.’ ” – Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

One evening, an elderly Cherokee brave told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

“My dear one, the battle between two ‘wolves’ is inside us all. One is evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.

The other is good. It is: joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a moment and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee replied, “The one you feed.”

The tale of the two wolves portrays the good and evil that lives within, represented by the conscious and the unconscious desire of man.

If we are unconscious of our thoughts, we are at the mercy of feeding the evil wolf.

Our unconscious thoughts are the unresolved or repressed parts of our psyche. The evil wolf asserts its power when we least expect it, because it is hidden from view.

I’m aware of this darkness when a driver abruptly cuts me off in traffic and my ego is threatened. I react in a fit of simmering confrontation, believing I have been wronged. It is upon reflection, I recognise this as unconscious anger seeking to protect itself.

The ego strives to assert its will to protect and strengthen itself and thus we fall prey to its needs.

David Richo, Ph.D., psychotherapist and teacher states, “Our ego was never meant to die, only to be tamed so that its wild energies could be put to better use.”

To mitigate acting out our unconscious desires, we become mindful of our thoughts instead of numb to them. We witness them with openness and tenderness instead of with binding judgement.

Similarly, the shadow self comprises the unknown dark side of our personality. To disown the dark side means going to war with ourselves. Yet, to accept ourselves as whole is to embody our strengths and limitations – our shadow self.

This can be seen in the Yin Yang symbol represented by the two halves that together complete wholeness.

Therefore, what we feed gives rise to goodness or the collapse of character.

It was Frank Outlaw who said, “Watch your thoughts. They become words. Watch your words. They become deeds. Watch your deeds. They become habits. Watch your habits. They become character. Character is everything.”

“Goodness is something chosen. When a man cannot choose he ceases to be a man.” – Anthony Burgess, A Clockwork Orange

We may not realise we are strengthening the ego until it grows in intensity, overshadowing our personality. Like a double-edged sword, what we feed is what we must co-exist with.

So, how can we stop feeding the fear and anger within?

Without being aware, we confer power to our dark side when we identify with disempowering states. Through a false persona we form an archetype where darkness prevails.

If you walk into a pitch-black room without light, you assume darkness is all that exists. Yet, when a light is switched on, you are motivated to identify with it instead of the darkness.

The answer lies in knowing darkness is simply the absence of light.

“Experience anger or fear or shock for what they are. But you don’t have to think of them as evil—as intrinsically bad, as needing to be destroyed or driven from our midst. On the contrary, they need to be absorbed, healed, made whole,” states author Steve Hagen in Buddhism is Not What You Think: Finding Freedom Beyond Beliefs.

How do we recognise our inner radiance?

It is the loving aspect of our being, imbued with openness that infuses our hearts and mind.

“When the Buddha found enlightenment, the demons felt consternation at the prospect of so much light coming into the world. This is the archetype of the combination of opposites: Light arouses shadow and shadow arouses light. Goodness is attacked by evil forces, and forces of goodness battle forces of darkness,” affirms David Richo in The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them

I recall on one occasion during meditation practice, drawing my awareness to this inner presence. I later explained to a friend, “I felt I was going deep into my being and I loved what was there.”

In contrast, if we feed the evil within, it grows in intensity since we give it life. Yet, perpetuating evil cannot be maintained because the grim shadow leads to our self-destruction.

Thus, by integrating our shadow into the wholeness of our being, we are called home to where we belong.

I am drawn to Lama Surya Das’ message, “To realize how karma works through insight into its actual mechanics is to become master rather than victim of our fate, and to realize freedom from and even autonomy within causes, circumstances, and conditions. That is why Buddha said, ‘No one can make me angry unless I have it inside.’ ”

In keeping with Lama Surya Das’ declaration, we have the power to choose our path and not be victim to our inner demons.

Deciphering whether or not our beliefs are beneficial allows us to let go of the negative karma of the past. How do we know if these beliefs serve us? We look to our external world to see life expressing our beliefs or opposing them. Do they create fulfilment and enrich our life, or keep us hostage?

The narrative of the two wolves highlights the division inside us, vying for our attention.

We can feed harmony and joy or light the flame of resentment and false pride.

It was author of The Celestine Prophecy, James Redfield who said, “Where Attention goes, Energy flows; Where Intention goes, Energy flows.”

It is with this intention we direct our focus to nurture the goodness within. Like returning home, our soul calls us to find wholeness instead of remain alienated by the fog of separation.

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How To Create Meaningful Moments In Life

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.” – Vicki Corona

Before the visitor embarked upon discipleship he wanted assurance from the Master.

“Can you teach me the goal of human life?”

“I cannot.”

“Or at least its meaning?”

“I cannot.”

“Can you tell me about death and of life beyond the grave?”

“I cannot.”

The visitor walked away in scorn. The disciples were dismayed that their Master had been shown in a poor light.

Said the Master soothingly, “Of what use is it to comprehend life’s nature and life’s meaning if you have never tasted it?”

“I’d rather you ate your pudding than speculated on it.”

Life can pass by and we neglect to appreciate the pockets of time interwoven into meaningful moments. Anthony de Mello’s opening fable calls us to experience reality, rather than comprehend it at the level of the mind.

Life’s captivating mysteries can flash by in an instant if we dwell on the past too long, or expect the future to arrive as we hope for.

To create meaningful moments is to stay present and grounded while letting go of mental distractions. For that is the capricious monkey mind seeking to assert its will because it strives to be heard.

Meaningful moments exist in everyday life, yet when reality does not conform to our mental image, suffering ensues.

“This is one way we can practice cultivating, on a daily basis, the radiant moment-to-moment awareness of interbeing, of meaningful connection and profound belonging of undefended openness and warm-hearted oneness with one and all,” states Lama Surya Das in The Big Questions: How to Find Your Own Answers to Life’s Essential Mysteries.

 The answer lies in letting go of diversions and disempowering thoughts which disallow us from connecting to the present.

To be mindful of our thoughts, instead of stuck in a subconscious state, is a good reason to avoid reacting to life’s events. Mindfulness engages us to be present and inhabit our body with intention and receptivity.

We let go of expecting life to unfold in a particular way and accept what shows up to embrace it with curiosity. If we are irritated by life’s events and react to it, we reinforce our suffering.

Consider this, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?

“Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.” – Kahlil Gibran

In the film Anna and The King, Prince Chulalongkorn played by actor Keith Chin declares to Anna Leonowens, played by Jodie Foster, “It is always surprising how small a part of life is taken up by meaningful moments.  Most often they’re over before they start even though they cast a light on the future and make the person who originated them unforgettable.”

To recognise meaningful moments, stop rushing to the next event and consider what is taking place before you. Our thoughts will convince us there’s something wrong with the present moment and we need to fix it to feel better.

There are no problems in this moment, except our perception of it. It was Victor Frankl, the Austrian psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor who said, “When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves.”

To create meaningful moments, we must connect with others on a deeper level. In today’s technologically advanced society, a growing number of people hide behind screens to reach out to others. Whilst it has allowed us to stay connected, many of these connections are insincere relationships devoid of human contact.

Do you want to go through life collecting human thumbnails to display on your computer screen “wall,” or form deeper meaningful connections?

Relationships create an opportunity for meaningful moments because they enrich our life. Regretfully, many people perceive them with disillusionment, because they orientate their attention on the negative aspects.

There is balance in every relationship, which means there’s equal harmony and disharmony. To focus on disharmony alone distorts our view of the intricate connection between people.

Life can be notorious for pulling us in different directions, we become distracted and lose our way. Yet, if we stay focused on what’s essential, we place esteemed value on those areas.

Author Dennis Merritt Jones reminds us to live an authentic life from which meaningful moments arise, “Living an authentic life is probably the most challenging thing a human being can endeavour to undertake because it is not the way of the world, but it is the way of the heart that connects you to what is real, what is meaningful, and what is eternal.”

 The courage to live life on our terms can be profoundly meaningful when we follow our inner compass, instead of abiding by other people’s terms.

It must be said, we alone ascribe meaning to the events of our life. Some attach deeper meaning while others see no causal relationship to that which transpires.

I’ve often felt profound meaningful moments immersed in nature. In that instance I feel a deep connection to life. I get out of my head and allow life to flow through me.

Meaningful moments are interspersed throughout life, not in the acquisition of material possessions. So, make it a priority to lean towards events which enrich your life, such as travelling to new places. Embark on these journeys with loved ones to reinforce your connection to life and those around you.

Likewise, being of service to others fosters meaningful moments. In donating our time and self, we enhance our life through altruistic deeds.

Similarly, we need to adopt the right mindset to become attuned to such moments, instead of dismissing them as unimportant. Or else, we fail to miss out on wonderful experiences obscured as otherwise ordinary moments.

As the Master reminds us, rather than speculate on reality we must embody it. Meaningful moments are a fabric of everyday life, masquerading as familiar events.

Don’t let them pass you by.

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