Tony Fahkry's Blog, page 50
July 11, 2014
The Balance of Male and Female Energy
“When we have developed a trust in both our inner man and woman and they can nourish, support, communicate and cooperate with each other, a love begins to flow between them.” - Swami Dhyan Giten
A Whole Mind Approach
In a recent discussion with a health professional, I was curious why a growing number of people seem to rationalise their health concerns via logic alone. Rather than examining the mental and emotional issues to their failing health, we both agreed that our teaching system educates us from an early age to rationalise the world through reason. Surely solving our problems at the level of the mind is the best approach – or is it?
In Daniel Pink’s book A Whole New Mind, the author argues that the future belongs to the artists and creatives among us, rather than the traditional left brain professionals like accountants, lawyers and computer programmers. He postulates that with the advent of the Information Age, left brain thinkers (logic) dominated the landscape for much of this period, as evident with the development of the internet.
What does this mean in the larger context? Pink suggests that left brain orientated jobs have moved off-shore in recent times to countries where labour rates are less expensive. Jobs that previously required analytical processing are now sourced to countries like India and China for far less than major countries. Creative jobs on the other hand have seen a rise in demand since they cannot be automated due to the specialisation of the creative process.
I find this discussion fascinating on a number of levels. Firstly, our society has been largely male dominated for a number of centuries. The heads of major countries continue to be led by men, although this is now beginning to change. We typically value the masculine energy, as evident by a recent documentary on television in view of the World Cup. It was revealed that in poorer areas of Brazil, parents have two wishes in life: that they be blessed with a boy as a child and that he can kick a soccer ball.
Having been raised in a Catholic Middle Eastern family, I still recall the voices of my parents and relatives filled with optimism when someone within the community gave birth to a baby boy. Even as a young male, the same relatives reinforced the image of a powerful archetypal male aligned with logic and reason.
The Balance of Energy
You might be interested to learn that in Eastern philosophy the body is considered to be balanced energetically in two halves, known as polarities – male (right side) and female (left side). This is also expressed as the Yin (female) and Yang (male) energy. The notable Swiss psychotherapist Carl Jung wrote about the anima and the animus which are the two unconscious archetypes that each gender possess.
What are the distinct qualities of these respective energies? Well, the male energy is: protective, logical, analytical, and grounded in reason, action orientated and sets boundaries. This energy is depicted as air and fire elements. The female energy in contrast is: nurturing, listening, emotional, intuitive, perceptive, calm, empathetic and compassionate. This energy is depicted as earth and water elements. Note, I am not describing the differences between men and women. These qualities relate to the energetic relationship inherent in both sexes.
We all have male and female qualities, resulting in a harmonious union of balance. When we favour one energy over the other, we are at the mercy of Mother Nature. Nature therefore thrives on a sense of balance and equilibrium.
As stated earlier, our society values left brain thinking from an early age. Children are taught in school to examine and deduce the world through logic and reason. In contrast, the Steiner education model urges children to harness right brain thinking with a focus toward creative pursuits. Whilst criticism has been labelled at this method of teaching, Steiner children nonetheless mature with highly advanced emotional intelligence.
It was Daniel Siegel author of Emotional Intelligence who coined the term EQ(emotional intelligence) in the early nineties. His studies into EQ have shown that it is not one’s IQ which is the measure of success in life, rather their EQ. As an example, men are taught to disregard their feelings or alternatively ‘stuff them down’ since feelings are something women have. Therefore men have inadvertently associated strength and power with reason and logic much to the detriment of EQ.
“Today, many of us are trying to understand just what male and female energies are, since we are calling old rigid stereotypes into questions. There is a risk of replacing such stereotypes with even more politically correct rigid stereotypes...” - Shepherd Hoodwin
Integration over Separation
Similarly gender roles have been obscured in recent times, as evident through various movements which sought to liberate the sexes from periods of repression. These days, women find themselves competing with men for senior roles within the workforce, at a cost to their family life. Balancing career and family has become a challenge for working women.
One would have thought that the feminist movement liberated women from the need to play on the same level as men. Rather, women have felt compelled to compete with men by playing by their rules in order to get ahead in the corporate world. Albeit this is one minor example, yet it underscores the disconnect apparent when there is a separation of male and female energies.
In a similar context, men are encouraged to deny their intuition for fear that they’ll connect with their emotional self. Intuition and feelings are deemed irrational to men, since it is devoid of scientific evidence. Women on the other hand understand the importance of intuition. They know where intuition resides within their body and trust it well. It is no wonder that women make better leaders, since they have sought to develop both male and female qualities in their leadership roles.
My contention in this article is to highlight that the future lies in integration rather than separation i.e. uniting our male and female energies. The emphasis will be towards the union of our male and female energies in a holistic sense, much like the Eastern principle espouses.
Bruce Lipton PhD, author of Spontaneous Evolution notes that humanity is advancing forward into a new paradigm known as Holism; the union of spirit and matter. “The new science of holism emphasises that, in order for us to transcend the parts and see the whole, we must acquire an understanding of Nature and the human experience.” I have purposely bolded the last sentence. If we are to seek happiness and fulfillment in our lives, we must be willing to work in harmony with nature or run the risk of being at her mercy.
Uniting with our male and female energies will allow us to seek balance in order to optimise our mental, emotional and physical wellbeing. Problems become apparent when we swing toward one direction over the other. When we favour our male energy, the female side is minimised causing a disruption in our life-force and resulting in physical and emotional ailments.
The key is to unite both male and female energies by regarding them as the wholeness of your being. In order to thrive mentally, emotionally and physically you will need to harness each energy force at respective times throughout your life.
Men and women can live together afterall – even under the one roof!
A Whole Mind Approach
In a recent discussion with a health professional, I was curious why a growing number of people seem to rationalise their health concerns via logic alone. Rather than examining the mental and emotional issues to their failing health, we both agreed that our teaching system educates us from an early age to rationalise the world through reason. Surely solving our problems at the level of the mind is the best approach – or is it?
In Daniel Pink’s book A Whole New Mind, the author argues that the future belongs to the artists and creatives among us, rather than the traditional left brain professionals like accountants, lawyers and computer programmers. He postulates that with the advent of the Information Age, left brain thinkers (logic) dominated the landscape for much of this period, as evident with the development of the internet.
What does this mean in the larger context? Pink suggests that left brain orientated jobs have moved off-shore in recent times to countries where labour rates are less expensive. Jobs that previously required analytical processing are now sourced to countries like India and China for far less than major countries. Creative jobs on the other hand have seen a rise in demand since they cannot be automated due to the specialisation of the creative process.
I find this discussion fascinating on a number of levels. Firstly, our society has been largely male dominated for a number of centuries. The heads of major countries continue to be led by men, although this is now beginning to change. We typically value the masculine energy, as evident by a recent documentary on television in view of the World Cup. It was revealed that in poorer areas of Brazil, parents have two wishes in life: that they be blessed with a boy as a child and that he can kick a soccer ball.
Having been raised in a Catholic Middle Eastern family, I still recall the voices of my parents and relatives filled with optimism when someone within the community gave birth to a baby boy. Even as a young male, the same relatives reinforced the image of a powerful archetypal male aligned with logic and reason.
The Balance of Energy
You might be interested to learn that in Eastern philosophy the body is considered to be balanced energetically in two halves, known as polarities – male (right side) and female (left side). This is also expressed as the Yin (female) and Yang (male) energy. The notable Swiss psychotherapist Carl Jung wrote about the anima and the animus which are the two unconscious archetypes that each gender possess.
What are the distinct qualities of these respective energies? Well, the male energy is: protective, logical, analytical, and grounded in reason, action orientated and sets boundaries. This energy is depicted as air and fire elements. The female energy in contrast is: nurturing, listening, emotional, intuitive, perceptive, calm, empathetic and compassionate. This energy is depicted as earth and water elements. Note, I am not describing the differences between men and women. These qualities relate to the energetic relationship inherent in both sexes.
We all have male and female qualities, resulting in a harmonious union of balance. When we favour one energy over the other, we are at the mercy of Mother Nature. Nature therefore thrives on a sense of balance and equilibrium.
As stated earlier, our society values left brain thinking from an early age. Children are taught in school to examine and deduce the world through logic and reason. In contrast, the Steiner education model urges children to harness right brain thinking with a focus toward creative pursuits. Whilst criticism has been labelled at this method of teaching, Steiner children nonetheless mature with highly advanced emotional intelligence.
It was Daniel Siegel author of Emotional Intelligence who coined the term EQ(emotional intelligence) in the early nineties. His studies into EQ have shown that it is not one’s IQ which is the measure of success in life, rather their EQ. As an example, men are taught to disregard their feelings or alternatively ‘stuff them down’ since feelings are something women have. Therefore men have inadvertently associated strength and power with reason and logic much to the detriment of EQ.
“Today, many of us are trying to understand just what male and female energies are, since we are calling old rigid stereotypes into questions. There is a risk of replacing such stereotypes with even more politically correct rigid stereotypes...” - Shepherd Hoodwin
Integration over Separation
Similarly gender roles have been obscured in recent times, as evident through various movements which sought to liberate the sexes from periods of repression. These days, women find themselves competing with men for senior roles within the workforce, at a cost to their family life. Balancing career and family has become a challenge for working women.
One would have thought that the feminist movement liberated women from the need to play on the same level as men. Rather, women have felt compelled to compete with men by playing by their rules in order to get ahead in the corporate world. Albeit this is one minor example, yet it underscores the disconnect apparent when there is a separation of male and female energies.
In a similar context, men are encouraged to deny their intuition for fear that they’ll connect with their emotional self. Intuition and feelings are deemed irrational to men, since it is devoid of scientific evidence. Women on the other hand understand the importance of intuition. They know where intuition resides within their body and trust it well. It is no wonder that women make better leaders, since they have sought to develop both male and female qualities in their leadership roles.
My contention in this article is to highlight that the future lies in integration rather than separation i.e. uniting our male and female energies. The emphasis will be towards the union of our male and female energies in a holistic sense, much like the Eastern principle espouses.
Bruce Lipton PhD, author of Spontaneous Evolution notes that humanity is advancing forward into a new paradigm known as Holism; the union of spirit and matter. “The new science of holism emphasises that, in order for us to transcend the parts and see the whole, we must acquire an understanding of Nature and the human experience.” I have purposely bolded the last sentence. If we are to seek happiness and fulfillment in our lives, we must be willing to work in harmony with nature or run the risk of being at her mercy.
Uniting with our male and female energies will allow us to seek balance in order to optimise our mental, emotional and physical wellbeing. Problems become apparent when we swing toward one direction over the other. When we favour our male energy, the female side is minimised causing a disruption in our life-force and resulting in physical and emotional ailments.
The key is to unite both male and female energies by regarding them as the wholeness of your being. In order to thrive mentally, emotionally and physically you will need to harness each energy force at respective times throughout your life.
Men and women can live together afterall – even under the one roof!
July 6, 2014
How to Form Successful Habits
“The difference between an amateur and a professional is in their habits. An amateur has amateur habits. A professional has professional habits. We can never free ourselves from habit. But we can replace bad habits with good ones.” - Steven Pressfield
You've decided to create a new habit to curtail your recent indulgence for over-eating. Your children have even made a passing remark, noticing your ‘winter weight,’ which has slowly crept up on you in recent times. The café lattes you sneak in throughout the day have become an unnecessary luxury. You've conceded defeat – it’s time to trade in the coffee card for the gym membership.
It must be said that forming new habits is challenging, since it disrupts both mind and body’s natural state of equilibrium. While the rational mind is quick to affirm an emphatic YES to the new habit, the emotional brain is not quite as enthusiastic to your new laid plans.
With any luck you’ve given it considerable thought, along with your strong emotional desire to make the change. Oftentimes, we have very little idea on the journey ahead until we embark upon it. In my early adult life I was at the mercy of my habits, given my susceptibility for my emotions to prevail. A number of well-intentioned habits were met with resistance mid-way, due to unreasonable expectations on my behalf.
As I approach middle age, I have had the good fortune to establish sound habits in various areas of life that continue to serve me well. Moreover in my work as a health and self-empowerment professional, I trust that my clients have benefited from my wise counsel and steep learning curve over the years.
I wish to outline five key points valuable for forming and maintaining new habits. Combined into your daily routine, they simultaneously shape the underlying desire to achieve lasting change.
“Our character is basically a composite of our habits. Because they are consistent, often unconscious patterns, they constantly, daily, express our character.” - Stephen Covey
1. Understand the change cycle: Having worked in collaboration with a sports psychologist in recent times, I have come to understand the importance of the change cycle in forming new habits. Undoubtedly as you adopt new habits, you will be met with inner resistance since you are disrupting the mind and body’s stability. Knowing the six stages of change in advance, affords you realistic expectations of the journey ahead. A relevant piece of trivia: 33% of people who undertake a fitness membership cancel or seldom attend after the third month. Knowing people’s motivational habits wane over time, gyms purposely lure you into signing twelve month contracts paid in advance, with petty exit clauses.
2. Have a compelling reason: Avoid starting a new habit with the belief it is the right thing to do. Remember the conscious and emotional brain have different agendas, despite your best intentions. You will undoubtedly be met with resistance as the going gets tough since internal conflicts are bound to arise. It is advisable to adopt a purposeful intent why you wish to pursue the new habit. Motivational speaker Jim Rohn once quipped, “We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment.” We all know the pain of discipline bears lighter on our conscience than the pain of regret. Reconnecting with your WHY? will help you connect with your conscious and emotional intentions. Connecting with your original intention to start a new habit is paramount for success. As the journey gathers momentum, setbacks and inner resistance are often enough to derail your progress.
3. Chunk it down: Break down the goal into smaller goals. Pursue one habit or goal at a time, until you have become proficient with it. For example if your intention to ‘get fit’ means undertaking an exercise program, you might start with a series of gentle long walks early in the morning to test the waters. Don’t have ambitious expectations of how your health journey might take shape. Starting slow with the intention to gain momentum may be far more useful in the long run than quitting altogether. Allow the strength of the goal or habit to propel you towards action. As the saying goes, slow and steady wins the race.
4. Manage your environment: Remove temptations that are likely to derail your progress. If your new habit is to curb eating unhealthy foods, be sure to have your fridge and pantry stocked with healthy food options. Whilst this may seem trivial, during times of emotional need, the conscious brain becomes irrational leading to the probability of cheating. Therefore keep temptations out of sight where you can. Similarly, avoid falling into the lure of rewarding yourself with food. Your mind is incredibly astute at recognising this, having undergone thousands of years of evolution – it will find ways to use the rewards against you. Opt for rewards that are non-food related such as; massages, buying a new item of clothing, music, etc. It is important to factor resistance into the equation since you will invariably become unstuck at times. Do not be hard on yourself when/if this occurs. Use the time wisely to regroup and continue pursuing your habit.
5. Commit to the habit: Time to put the pedal to the metal! Smaller victories achieved early in the habit-forming period adds crucial momentum to your habit. Undertaking daily activity for an entire month is a timely approach for forming sound disciplinary behaviour. Daily action is paramount for maintaining impetus, rather than intermittent application. Aim for at least a 90%+ strike-rate during the initial month. I find it useful to use a range of tools as motivational aids. I purposely place coloured post-it notes around the home in places I often frequent. If using technology to motivate you, avoid falling victim to the technology, rather use it as support to help you stick to your newly laid plans.
As a final thought, setbacks are unavoidable at times throughout the habit forming period. Make a public declaration of your intended habit to a friend, work colleague or loved one. Make yourself accountable to someone that is likely to offer much needed support or who has walked in your shoes. Offer to return the favour. Being accountable to someone affords you a sound reason for keeping your word. This makes it all the more worthwhile for adhering to your habit.
In leaving, resist over-thinking or falling victim to your emotions as the going gets tough. Your mind will naturally find excuses to jeopardise your progress. Do not buy into the excuses.
Remember why you set out to form the new habit in the first place.
You've decided to create a new habit to curtail your recent indulgence for over-eating. Your children have even made a passing remark, noticing your ‘winter weight,’ which has slowly crept up on you in recent times. The café lattes you sneak in throughout the day have become an unnecessary luxury. You've conceded defeat – it’s time to trade in the coffee card for the gym membership.
It must be said that forming new habits is challenging, since it disrupts both mind and body’s natural state of equilibrium. While the rational mind is quick to affirm an emphatic YES to the new habit, the emotional brain is not quite as enthusiastic to your new laid plans.
With any luck you’ve given it considerable thought, along with your strong emotional desire to make the change. Oftentimes, we have very little idea on the journey ahead until we embark upon it. In my early adult life I was at the mercy of my habits, given my susceptibility for my emotions to prevail. A number of well-intentioned habits were met with resistance mid-way, due to unreasonable expectations on my behalf.
As I approach middle age, I have had the good fortune to establish sound habits in various areas of life that continue to serve me well. Moreover in my work as a health and self-empowerment professional, I trust that my clients have benefited from my wise counsel and steep learning curve over the years.
I wish to outline five key points valuable for forming and maintaining new habits. Combined into your daily routine, they simultaneously shape the underlying desire to achieve lasting change.
“Our character is basically a composite of our habits. Because they are consistent, often unconscious patterns, they constantly, daily, express our character.” - Stephen Covey
1. Understand the change cycle: Having worked in collaboration with a sports psychologist in recent times, I have come to understand the importance of the change cycle in forming new habits. Undoubtedly as you adopt new habits, you will be met with inner resistance since you are disrupting the mind and body’s stability. Knowing the six stages of change in advance, affords you realistic expectations of the journey ahead. A relevant piece of trivia: 33% of people who undertake a fitness membership cancel or seldom attend after the third month. Knowing people’s motivational habits wane over time, gyms purposely lure you into signing twelve month contracts paid in advance, with petty exit clauses.
2. Have a compelling reason: Avoid starting a new habit with the belief it is the right thing to do. Remember the conscious and emotional brain have different agendas, despite your best intentions. You will undoubtedly be met with resistance as the going gets tough since internal conflicts are bound to arise. It is advisable to adopt a purposeful intent why you wish to pursue the new habit. Motivational speaker Jim Rohn once quipped, “We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment.” We all know the pain of discipline bears lighter on our conscience than the pain of regret. Reconnecting with your WHY? will help you connect with your conscious and emotional intentions. Connecting with your original intention to start a new habit is paramount for success. As the journey gathers momentum, setbacks and inner resistance are often enough to derail your progress.
3. Chunk it down: Break down the goal into smaller goals. Pursue one habit or goal at a time, until you have become proficient with it. For example if your intention to ‘get fit’ means undertaking an exercise program, you might start with a series of gentle long walks early in the morning to test the waters. Don’t have ambitious expectations of how your health journey might take shape. Starting slow with the intention to gain momentum may be far more useful in the long run than quitting altogether. Allow the strength of the goal or habit to propel you towards action. As the saying goes, slow and steady wins the race.
4. Manage your environment: Remove temptations that are likely to derail your progress. If your new habit is to curb eating unhealthy foods, be sure to have your fridge and pantry stocked with healthy food options. Whilst this may seem trivial, during times of emotional need, the conscious brain becomes irrational leading to the probability of cheating. Therefore keep temptations out of sight where you can. Similarly, avoid falling into the lure of rewarding yourself with food. Your mind is incredibly astute at recognising this, having undergone thousands of years of evolution – it will find ways to use the rewards against you. Opt for rewards that are non-food related such as; massages, buying a new item of clothing, music, etc. It is important to factor resistance into the equation since you will invariably become unstuck at times. Do not be hard on yourself when/if this occurs. Use the time wisely to regroup and continue pursuing your habit.
5. Commit to the habit: Time to put the pedal to the metal! Smaller victories achieved early in the habit-forming period adds crucial momentum to your habit. Undertaking daily activity for an entire month is a timely approach for forming sound disciplinary behaviour. Daily action is paramount for maintaining impetus, rather than intermittent application. Aim for at least a 90%+ strike-rate during the initial month. I find it useful to use a range of tools as motivational aids. I purposely place coloured post-it notes around the home in places I often frequent. If using technology to motivate you, avoid falling victim to the technology, rather use it as support to help you stick to your newly laid plans.
As a final thought, setbacks are unavoidable at times throughout the habit forming period. Make a public declaration of your intended habit to a friend, work colleague or loved one. Make yourself accountable to someone that is likely to offer much needed support or who has walked in your shoes. Offer to return the favour. Being accountable to someone affords you a sound reason for keeping your word. This makes it all the more worthwhile for adhering to your habit.
In leaving, resist over-thinking or falling victim to your emotions as the going gets tough. Your mind will naturally find excuses to jeopardise your progress. Do not buy into the excuses.
Remember why you set out to form the new habit in the first place.
June 26, 2014
The Unexamined Life
“The unexamined life is not worth living.” – Socrates
The Search for Meaning
Many of us sail through life impervious to the choices we make each day. Such decisions are often made without even second guessing ourselves. We discover that many of these choices are programmed, that is they are devoid of conscious intent. As time goes by we may pause and reflect how such choices were made, perhaps realising that we have not been as present after all.
Socrates, the Greek philosopher and founder of Western Philosophy coined the phrase, “The unexamined life is not worth living” circa 470 – 399 BC. There have been countless explorations of this passage over time. Whilst I do not wish to analyse the phrase in this article, I do however wish to offer my thoughts on how we can live a virtuous life through regular self-examination.
Self-awareness is one of the key attributes humans possess, which distinguishes us from the animal kingdom. The notable mirror test developed by the psychologist Gordon Gallup Jnr. is used an indicator of awareness in animals. In this experiment, animals are presented with an image of themselves reflected back via a mirror. If they recognise the image reflected back (often a marking is made on the animal to determine if they identify it), then it is deemed that they are self-aware. Interestingly, children tend to fail this test until they are at least 1.5 to 2 years old.
Therefore self-awareness is the bedrock upon which we identify with our beingness. It allows us to interact with others and our environment through our experience of the world. Being self-aware not only attributes an awareness of self, it signifies an understanding of one’s personality, i.e. strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, beliefs and motivation.
In contrast, there are many people who sail through life oblivious to their behaviour. They rarely learn from their mistakes, since they are programmed from early childhood to disregard the impact of their actions. It might be said that their self-awareness is limited. Such people are unaware of the mental and emotional prejudices accrued over time. It has been said that we spend the first half of our life accumulating knowledge and the second half letting go of that knowledge.
Devoid of our capacity for self-examination, it may seem as though life is acting upon us as we fall victim to the forces of life. Alternatively as we let go of the distorted thinking, we appreciate that as free choice agents acting within the container of free will, we are indeed co-creating our life’s circumstances.
“There is no greater delight than to be conscious of sincerity on self-examination.” - Mencius
Awakening the Authentic Self
It posits favourably that since we have free will, we should strive to make decisions that are in line with our best interests. Our aim should be to uphold the essential virtues of human existence: wisdom, justice, fortitude, self-control, love, positive attitude, hard work, integrity, gratitude and humility. Authenticity then is used to describe the act of living in congruency with our highest nature. Rather than abide by our external environment, we become blissfully aware of our inner nature as we strive to uphold the human virtues.
Self-examination in this context becomes an expression of knowing oneself. Fundamentally, our aim at this level is to overcome our mistakes by refusing to invite them into the future. Two vital ingredients then are required for self-mastery: personal growth and self-awareness. Much like brushing our teeth to keep them clean, attending to our personal growth on a daily basis is like exercise for our mental well-being. Moreover, self-awareness coupled with personal growth may be akin to a gardener pulling weeds while simultaneously harvesting new crop. In time, not only have we cultivated an entire garden devoid of weeds, we have simultaneously allowed our authentic self to emerge.
In my recent book, The Power to Navigate Life, I invite the reader to consider two ideas dutifully essential to the mastery of life. I affirm that you are either Navigating Life or Parked. A Parked state may be characterised by the metaphysical relationship one experiences while in a motor vehicle when stationary: stopped, stuck, enclosed, stagnant, not moving and trapped. Navigating Life on the other hand denotes a movement of outward energy: expansive, moving freely, navigating, exploring, discovering and expressive.
These two states represent the metaphysical relationship we have with ourselves at certain times of our life. As we learn to master life and reclaim our internal state, we move from a Parked state to Navigating Life. It must be said that even while you may be Parked, it serves as a valuable opportunity for self-reflection so you do not carry those mistakes into the future.
A deep and meaningful life is only worth living if we become self-aware and strive to lead an authentic life. Through regular self-examination we come to appreciate that there are no rights or wrongs, only consequences. In order to reduce the likelihood of experiencing untoward outcomes, we must connect with our deepest self which is the essence of our authentic nature.
The Search for Meaning
Many of us sail through life impervious to the choices we make each day. Such decisions are often made without even second guessing ourselves. We discover that many of these choices are programmed, that is they are devoid of conscious intent. As time goes by we may pause and reflect how such choices were made, perhaps realising that we have not been as present after all.
Socrates, the Greek philosopher and founder of Western Philosophy coined the phrase, “The unexamined life is not worth living” circa 470 – 399 BC. There have been countless explorations of this passage over time. Whilst I do not wish to analyse the phrase in this article, I do however wish to offer my thoughts on how we can live a virtuous life through regular self-examination.
Self-awareness is one of the key attributes humans possess, which distinguishes us from the animal kingdom. The notable mirror test developed by the psychologist Gordon Gallup Jnr. is used an indicator of awareness in animals. In this experiment, animals are presented with an image of themselves reflected back via a mirror. If they recognise the image reflected back (often a marking is made on the animal to determine if they identify it), then it is deemed that they are self-aware. Interestingly, children tend to fail this test until they are at least 1.5 to 2 years old.
Therefore self-awareness is the bedrock upon which we identify with our beingness. It allows us to interact with others and our environment through our experience of the world. Being self-aware not only attributes an awareness of self, it signifies an understanding of one’s personality, i.e. strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, beliefs and motivation.
In contrast, there are many people who sail through life oblivious to their behaviour. They rarely learn from their mistakes, since they are programmed from early childhood to disregard the impact of their actions. It might be said that their self-awareness is limited. Such people are unaware of the mental and emotional prejudices accrued over time. It has been said that we spend the first half of our life accumulating knowledge and the second half letting go of that knowledge.
Devoid of our capacity for self-examination, it may seem as though life is acting upon us as we fall victim to the forces of life. Alternatively as we let go of the distorted thinking, we appreciate that as free choice agents acting within the container of free will, we are indeed co-creating our life’s circumstances.
“There is no greater delight than to be conscious of sincerity on self-examination.” - Mencius
Awakening the Authentic Self
It posits favourably that since we have free will, we should strive to make decisions that are in line with our best interests. Our aim should be to uphold the essential virtues of human existence: wisdom, justice, fortitude, self-control, love, positive attitude, hard work, integrity, gratitude and humility. Authenticity then is used to describe the act of living in congruency with our highest nature. Rather than abide by our external environment, we become blissfully aware of our inner nature as we strive to uphold the human virtues.
Self-examination in this context becomes an expression of knowing oneself. Fundamentally, our aim at this level is to overcome our mistakes by refusing to invite them into the future. Two vital ingredients then are required for self-mastery: personal growth and self-awareness. Much like brushing our teeth to keep them clean, attending to our personal growth on a daily basis is like exercise for our mental well-being. Moreover, self-awareness coupled with personal growth may be akin to a gardener pulling weeds while simultaneously harvesting new crop. In time, not only have we cultivated an entire garden devoid of weeds, we have simultaneously allowed our authentic self to emerge.
In my recent book, The Power to Navigate Life, I invite the reader to consider two ideas dutifully essential to the mastery of life. I affirm that you are either Navigating Life or Parked. A Parked state may be characterised by the metaphysical relationship one experiences while in a motor vehicle when stationary: stopped, stuck, enclosed, stagnant, not moving and trapped. Navigating Life on the other hand denotes a movement of outward energy: expansive, moving freely, navigating, exploring, discovering and expressive.
These two states represent the metaphysical relationship we have with ourselves at certain times of our life. As we learn to master life and reclaim our internal state, we move from a Parked state to Navigating Life. It must be said that even while you may be Parked, it serves as a valuable opportunity for self-reflection so you do not carry those mistakes into the future.
A deep and meaningful life is only worth living if we become self-aware and strive to lead an authentic life. Through regular self-examination we come to appreciate that there are no rights or wrongs, only consequences. In order to reduce the likelihood of experiencing untoward outcomes, we must connect with our deepest self which is the essence of our authentic nature.
June 24, 2014
Fear Is Your Best Friend
“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.” - Jim Morrison
A Mind-Made Illusion
In his book Influence Science and Practice, author Robert Cialdini shares a story capturing the transformative essence of fear. In a tribe in southern Africa, the Thonga people hold an annual initiation for young boys prior to becoming a man. A young Thonga boy must endure a series of intense physical challenges before he is admitted to adulthood.
The three-month ritual consists of six major trials: beatings, exposure to cold, thirst, eating of unsavoury foods, punishment and the threat of death. As bizarre as some of these rituals may sound, the young boy emerges a man and in doing so has learned to silence his inner demon – fear.
Whilst the idea of spending three months subjected to mental, emotional and physical hardship might seem harsh, consider that many of these young boys become strong and powerful leaders within their tribes. This story illustrates how fear, despite the brutality of the ritual, can be channelled toward personal growth.
In civilised society fear impairs the lives of many who buy into the notion that fear is real. It was the French philosopher René Descartes who said, “I think therefore I am.” In other words if there are thoughts, there must be a thinker behind the thoughts. Moreover, many people unknowingly buy in to the false premise “If I think fearful thoughts, they must be true.”
You’ve heard it said that fear is an illusion created in the mind. A great deal of what we fear rarely comes to fruition, yet fear seems to predominate our thought landscape. Since fear is a survival instinct which alerts us to impending danger, it only becomes a threat when our thoughts become stuck in a repetitive cycle. When fear rules your life, you are at the mercy of the emotion.
“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” - Nelson Mandela
Transforming Fear
How can we reframe fear to view it as friend rather than a foe? Firstly appreciate that fear is a feedback mechanism alerting you to forward progress. You are stepping out of your comfort zone and moving into uncharted territory. Rather than oppose fear, embrace it by viewing it as an opportunity to gain new insights as you advance onward. Embrace the fear by observing it as part of the process of evolving. Many people view fear as a brick wall, while others see it as an opportunity to overcome it.
Fear is your best friend since it inspires a call to action. It advises us to avoid that which is deleterious and take affirmative action. Take for example the fear of public speaking which is considered one of people’s greatest fears. The American comedian Jerry Seinfeld offers us the following comedic observation, “According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.”
In this instance fear forces us to brush up on our speaking skills through rehearsal. Rather than appearing incompetent, fear forces us to show up prepared. As we overcome fear, we not only build character and inner strength, we overcome an impediment on our path to victory. Therefore fear becomes a great teacher, since it provides us with the experience before the lesson.
Reconnecting to the Present Moment
Moreover fear reminds us to stay connected to the present moment. Given that fear is a future occurrence, it allows us to reconnect back to the present moment when our minds wander into the future. We are reminded that all we ever have is contained within the perfection of this moment. There is no need to worry or fear a future which seldom arrives as we hope for. Therefore fear reminds us to let go of the incessant thoughts of an anticipated tomorrow.
It must be stated that we cannot eliminate fear from our lives, not in the way many people believe. We can turn down the volume on fear by not becoming a slave to it. Susan Jeffers’ acclaimed self-help book, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway is an appropriate axiom for learning to befriend fear. When faced with the prospect of taming our fears, we are reminded that fear helps us sharpen the sword as it were by making better decisions in lieu of perceived danger. We must have our wits about us as we confront our fears.
Your response to fear provides you with a glimpse into your deeper psyche. Are you continually running away from fear or brave enough to face it head on? Fear is a call toward inner growth and inner freedom. Running away from your fears makes them grow stronger until they overwhelm you. Rather than oppose your fears, approach them with compassion and an open heart. Forgive yourself and others who may have contributed towards your fears.
You might be surprised to learn that a number of our fears are passed down through generations. Wars and hatred stem from the paralysis of fear. First we fear that which we do not understand, then we ultimately go to war with it. If we dislike parts of ourselves, then this becomes a call to make peace with that aspect of our nature.
Ultimately you have a choice – to make peace with fear or allow it to control your life. Hopefully I’ve provided you with some valid points to choose the former. Transcending fear is liberating since it frees you from the self-imposed fortress, which is the illusory mind of fear.
A Mind-Made Illusion
In his book Influence Science and Practice, author Robert Cialdini shares a story capturing the transformative essence of fear. In a tribe in southern Africa, the Thonga people hold an annual initiation for young boys prior to becoming a man. A young Thonga boy must endure a series of intense physical challenges before he is admitted to adulthood.
The three-month ritual consists of six major trials: beatings, exposure to cold, thirst, eating of unsavoury foods, punishment and the threat of death. As bizarre as some of these rituals may sound, the young boy emerges a man and in doing so has learned to silence his inner demon – fear.
Whilst the idea of spending three months subjected to mental, emotional and physical hardship might seem harsh, consider that many of these young boys become strong and powerful leaders within their tribes. This story illustrates how fear, despite the brutality of the ritual, can be channelled toward personal growth.
In civilised society fear impairs the lives of many who buy into the notion that fear is real. It was the French philosopher René Descartes who said, “I think therefore I am.” In other words if there are thoughts, there must be a thinker behind the thoughts. Moreover, many people unknowingly buy in to the false premise “If I think fearful thoughts, they must be true.”
You’ve heard it said that fear is an illusion created in the mind. A great deal of what we fear rarely comes to fruition, yet fear seems to predominate our thought landscape. Since fear is a survival instinct which alerts us to impending danger, it only becomes a threat when our thoughts become stuck in a repetitive cycle. When fear rules your life, you are at the mercy of the emotion.
“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” - Nelson Mandela
Transforming Fear
How can we reframe fear to view it as friend rather than a foe? Firstly appreciate that fear is a feedback mechanism alerting you to forward progress. You are stepping out of your comfort zone and moving into uncharted territory. Rather than oppose fear, embrace it by viewing it as an opportunity to gain new insights as you advance onward. Embrace the fear by observing it as part of the process of evolving. Many people view fear as a brick wall, while others see it as an opportunity to overcome it.
Fear is your best friend since it inspires a call to action. It advises us to avoid that which is deleterious and take affirmative action. Take for example the fear of public speaking which is considered one of people’s greatest fears. The American comedian Jerry Seinfeld offers us the following comedic observation, “According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.”
In this instance fear forces us to brush up on our speaking skills through rehearsal. Rather than appearing incompetent, fear forces us to show up prepared. As we overcome fear, we not only build character and inner strength, we overcome an impediment on our path to victory. Therefore fear becomes a great teacher, since it provides us with the experience before the lesson.
Reconnecting to the Present Moment
Moreover fear reminds us to stay connected to the present moment. Given that fear is a future occurrence, it allows us to reconnect back to the present moment when our minds wander into the future. We are reminded that all we ever have is contained within the perfection of this moment. There is no need to worry or fear a future which seldom arrives as we hope for. Therefore fear reminds us to let go of the incessant thoughts of an anticipated tomorrow.
It must be stated that we cannot eliminate fear from our lives, not in the way many people believe. We can turn down the volume on fear by not becoming a slave to it. Susan Jeffers’ acclaimed self-help book, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway is an appropriate axiom for learning to befriend fear. When faced with the prospect of taming our fears, we are reminded that fear helps us sharpen the sword as it were by making better decisions in lieu of perceived danger. We must have our wits about us as we confront our fears.
Your response to fear provides you with a glimpse into your deeper psyche. Are you continually running away from fear or brave enough to face it head on? Fear is a call toward inner growth and inner freedom. Running away from your fears makes them grow stronger until they overwhelm you. Rather than oppose your fears, approach them with compassion and an open heart. Forgive yourself and others who may have contributed towards your fears.
You might be surprised to learn that a number of our fears are passed down through generations. Wars and hatred stem from the paralysis of fear. First we fear that which we do not understand, then we ultimately go to war with it. If we dislike parts of ourselves, then this becomes a call to make peace with that aspect of our nature.
Ultimately you have a choice – to make peace with fear or allow it to control your life. Hopefully I’ve provided you with some valid points to choose the former. Transcending fear is liberating since it frees you from the self-imposed fortress, which is the illusory mind of fear.
June 15, 2014
How To Live An Inspired Life
Every morning after a cup of coffee while catching up on the daily news, John retreats to his studio, a small space situated at the rear of his house. This has been John’s ritual for as long as he can remember. As the hours pass, John is completely consumed by painting. It isn't until evening draws near that he soon realises he has been painting for over ten hours with only a break here and there.
Now in his late fifties, John has been painting since his early twenties and has managed to carve out a successful career. His artwork is regularly featured in corporate foyers across the country, not to mention the regular art exhibits and private buyers who flock to buy his work.
John represents one of many artists who are inspired and, more importantly, not afraid to put in the dedicated hours to create masterpieces. Inspiration is the call from the soul to express itself through you. Inspiration is not only confined to the arts, it may express itself in various forms. You may be inspired if you’re a stay-at-home mother tending to your family. Inspiration is not defined by WHAT you do, rather it is defined by the state of being one experiences when inspired.
Inspiration is the expression of creativity and the mind of the universe flowing through you – and it is not exclusive to artists. If you yearn for direction, inspiration may be beckoning. How can you tell the difference between inspiration and happiness, since they both share similarities? Inspiration is characterised by a deep sense of joy and fulfilment. When you are inspired and pursuing your passion, time stands still. You are oblivious to your surroundings.
Those who are inspired find meaning and purpose to their work. They view their purpose as a calling rather than a job or career. Because of this they operate from a higher frequency, allowing the source of their inspiration to flow unimpeded through every cell of their body. Happiness on the other hand is a fleeting experience. You may be happy one moment and sad the next. We might conclude that happiness is ephemeral, bound by the constraints of external reality.
The following points are ways in which to cultivate and nurture inspiration in your daily life. It is worth reiterating that you need not be an artist, musician, dancer, etc. to connect with inspiration. Cooking and sharing a delicious meal with your loved one at the end of a long day may be regarded as an act of inspiration, since it is a calling from the heart.
1. Discover your passion and connect with purpose: What are you most passionate about? What stirs your soul and leaves you daydreaming throughout the day? Those who find passion and purpose report an overwhelming sense of satisfaction, joy and bliss throughout their life. Their spirit is alive. Not only does time stand still, one feels the expression of their soul come alive. Happiness becomes an extension of universal intelligence, which serves as the conduit of this life-force flowing through you.
2. Identify with thoughts which foster inspiration: It seems nowadays life has become a constant battle for survival. Amid the backdrop, inspiration takes a backseat as the mind is caught up in ‘survival mode’ rather than ‘inspired’. Weeding out thoughts which do not resonate with your deepest self allows inspiration to make its way into your life. Let go of disempowering thoughts of lack or limitation since that can stifle inspiration. As you distance yourself from such thoughts, you create a space around them rather than becoming invested in every thought. Drop those thoughts which no longer have a place in your mind and replace them with empowering ones. It won’t happen overnight, yet with persistence and compassion you can entertain thoughts which serve your highest good.
3. Develop a purposeful vision: A purposeful vision is one that is connected to your WHY? A purposeful vision is the pursuit of that which resonates with your deepest self. To others it may seem trivial or a waste of time. To you, it is an opportunity to connect with your purposeful self – pursue it with determination. Your determination to succeed will be governed by how strong your why? is. If you have a strong enough why? success becomes an extension of your efforts. Your why? is your call to action. It is your internal reference and guidepost leading you towards your purpose-filled vision.
4. Inspired people can’t wait to wake up in the morning: Inspired people don’t sleep in. You might be surprised to learn that inspired people are often insomniacs. Many of them ruminate in a positive way about their passion even while asleep. They live in the present moment. They practice infinite patience, since they are not bound by the constraints of tomorrow or yesterday. Inspired people make time in the afternoon for brief power naps in which to recharge. Not only does a twenty to thirty minute nap serve to lower stress, it improves cognitive function and stimulates right brain neural activity.
5. Inspiration is an act of Flow: I previously wrote about Flow as a way to deeply connect with a pursuit or passion. Termed “Optimal Experience” by the Hungarian psychology professor, Mihaly Czikszentmihalyi, Flow is the internal state one experiences when consumed by their passion. Therefore a violinist may be said to be in Flow during a live performance on stage. Inspiration is heightened when one is in Flow since they are connected with higher brain regions, notably the right hemisphere. The good news is that inspiration crosses over into other areas of your life as you become open to it. Inspiration loves to be called upon, so the more space you make for it, the more readily it is available to you.
Now in his late fifties, John has been painting since his early twenties and has managed to carve out a successful career. His artwork is regularly featured in corporate foyers across the country, not to mention the regular art exhibits and private buyers who flock to buy his work.
John represents one of many artists who are inspired and, more importantly, not afraid to put in the dedicated hours to create masterpieces. Inspiration is the call from the soul to express itself through you. Inspiration is not only confined to the arts, it may express itself in various forms. You may be inspired if you’re a stay-at-home mother tending to your family. Inspiration is not defined by WHAT you do, rather it is defined by the state of being one experiences when inspired.
Inspiration is the expression of creativity and the mind of the universe flowing through you – and it is not exclusive to artists. If you yearn for direction, inspiration may be beckoning. How can you tell the difference between inspiration and happiness, since they both share similarities? Inspiration is characterised by a deep sense of joy and fulfilment. When you are inspired and pursuing your passion, time stands still. You are oblivious to your surroundings.
Those who are inspired find meaning and purpose to their work. They view their purpose as a calling rather than a job or career. Because of this they operate from a higher frequency, allowing the source of their inspiration to flow unimpeded through every cell of their body. Happiness on the other hand is a fleeting experience. You may be happy one moment and sad the next. We might conclude that happiness is ephemeral, bound by the constraints of external reality.
The following points are ways in which to cultivate and nurture inspiration in your daily life. It is worth reiterating that you need not be an artist, musician, dancer, etc. to connect with inspiration. Cooking and sharing a delicious meal with your loved one at the end of a long day may be regarded as an act of inspiration, since it is a calling from the heart.
1. Discover your passion and connect with purpose: What are you most passionate about? What stirs your soul and leaves you daydreaming throughout the day? Those who find passion and purpose report an overwhelming sense of satisfaction, joy and bliss throughout their life. Their spirit is alive. Not only does time stand still, one feels the expression of their soul come alive. Happiness becomes an extension of universal intelligence, which serves as the conduit of this life-force flowing through you.
2. Identify with thoughts which foster inspiration: It seems nowadays life has become a constant battle for survival. Amid the backdrop, inspiration takes a backseat as the mind is caught up in ‘survival mode’ rather than ‘inspired’. Weeding out thoughts which do not resonate with your deepest self allows inspiration to make its way into your life. Let go of disempowering thoughts of lack or limitation since that can stifle inspiration. As you distance yourself from such thoughts, you create a space around them rather than becoming invested in every thought. Drop those thoughts which no longer have a place in your mind and replace them with empowering ones. It won’t happen overnight, yet with persistence and compassion you can entertain thoughts which serve your highest good.
3. Develop a purposeful vision: A purposeful vision is one that is connected to your WHY? A purposeful vision is the pursuit of that which resonates with your deepest self. To others it may seem trivial or a waste of time. To you, it is an opportunity to connect with your purposeful self – pursue it with determination. Your determination to succeed will be governed by how strong your why? is. If you have a strong enough why? success becomes an extension of your efforts. Your why? is your call to action. It is your internal reference and guidepost leading you towards your purpose-filled vision.
4. Inspired people can’t wait to wake up in the morning: Inspired people don’t sleep in. You might be surprised to learn that inspired people are often insomniacs. Many of them ruminate in a positive way about their passion even while asleep. They live in the present moment. They practice infinite patience, since they are not bound by the constraints of tomorrow or yesterday. Inspired people make time in the afternoon for brief power naps in which to recharge. Not only does a twenty to thirty minute nap serve to lower stress, it improves cognitive function and stimulates right brain neural activity.
5. Inspiration is an act of Flow: I previously wrote about Flow as a way to deeply connect with a pursuit or passion. Termed “Optimal Experience” by the Hungarian psychology professor, Mihaly Czikszentmihalyi, Flow is the internal state one experiences when consumed by their passion. Therefore a violinist may be said to be in Flow during a live performance on stage. Inspiration is heightened when one is in Flow since they are connected with higher brain regions, notably the right hemisphere. The good news is that inspiration crosses over into other areas of your life as you become open to it. Inspiration loves to be called upon, so the more space you make for it, the more readily it is available to you.
