Tony Fahkry's Blog, page 43

How Our Emotional Wounds Strengthen Us

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.” — Helen Keller

Concealing the Pain

Despite our intense emotional wounds, the hurt will pass and scars eventually heal.

To relive the pain reinforces the experience because we cling to the emotions instead of process them.

As time moves on so does the emotional strain, yet we needn’t clutch to our pain story. We can suffer or let go of what no longer serves us.

Many people mask their pain by avoiding it. They rather forget the hurt which only reinforces it.

We must love and acknowledge our darker aspects like our pain and grief. If you appreciate the sun and wish away the darkness how would you see the stars at night?

Our emotional wounds lead us to the wholeness of ourselves. It is remiss to emphasise our darkness while identifying with our light since we encompass both parts.

Pain is a powerful teacher that connects us with our inner wisdom.

Without pain, how can we recognise the enduring self that lies beneath the rubble of suffering?

Without pain, we are powerless to embrace the entirety of who we are.

Our emotional wounds do not imply we are flawed, yet show our true character. They are our battle scars that show we have danced with life and lived to tell the tale. We communicate to others of the struggles that lie ahead, having traversed the path ourselves.

Our wounds lie fragmented deep within our psyche. If we have not reconciled them, they grow stronger until we address them. They are the imposing shadow, lurking in the darkness waiting to grab hold if we grow weary.

The mind’s self-protection is an admirable defence to preserve our emotional wellbeing. It stows away the pain when you’re least equipped to deal with it. Rather than persecute yourself for holding on to unpleasant memories, appreciate that your mind protects you from getting hurt further.

A Return to Love

We can become our own healer via loving and nurturing declarations to ourselves. This reinforces how it is now safe to face these emotions with openness to heal.

Our emotional wounds call us to connect with our inner child instead of escaping when the pain intensifies. To run away from pain is the opposite of loving kindness because we neglect to honour our emotional wellbeing. We must love ourselves foremost as you would a friend or loved one who is hurt.

To demonstrate this commitment, consider the vows recited when two people marry: to honour one another through the good times and bad. So we ought to make the same commitment to ourselves. Irrespective of the emotions that arise, we will honour them.

Our emotional wounds strengthen us because they show we have lived a purposeful life.

There is a broader lesson contained within each emotional wound. If we penetrate through the pain, we realise it is a return to love as the American spiritual teacher Marianne Williamson affirms.

So when you experience pain and suffering, love yourself.

When you feel anxiety and tension, love yourself.

When you feel happiness and joy, love yourself.

“When I stand before thee at the day’s end, thou shalt see my scars and know that I had my wounds and also my healing.” — Rabindranath Tagore

This simple act of self-renewal permeates into our conscious, so regardless of the external conditions, our deepest wisdom leads us to connect with our heart.

I’ve observed that when I embrace my emotional wounds, it opens me to a greater awareness of my soulful nature. The shell which conceals the pain is cracked open to expose the loving tenderness beneath. This is the basis for heart-centred living, in contrast to the egoist self.

To heal, we must de-clutter our lives and nurture the child within, while creating a secure environment for healing to occur.

Inner Transformation

“The transformation process evolves your consciousness from fear to love. That means you have to dissolve the fears and heal the emotional wounds that are in the way—by understanding them. And that means you have to face them, feel them, and decode them, which most of us dread,” states author Penney Peirce.

The saying, time heals all wounds does not hold significance if we don’t make the time to face them. We may store away the emotional fragments of the past, only to have them reappear at a later stage.

To confront our emotional wounds means to honour ourselves foremost. No matter what emerges, we trust we will cope.

Everyone is bound to experience hurt and pain in their lives. Unless you’ve lived under a rock, we all carry emotional pain. It’s how we transform the pain to develop a deeper relationship with ourselves that leads to inner freedom.

Our wounds strengthen us because they invite us to be sensitive to our emotional life. We become inquisitive about our emotions and examine them with openness and equanimity.

To be curious fosters a balanced relationship with the wholeness of who we are, rather than dismiss the emotions as untoward. As we associate with our fractured parts, we strengthen our commitment to ourselves.

To accept and heal our emotional wounds, we release them to invite the power of love to occupy its space. We allow the experience to transform us into empowered beings.

I am drawn to author Dennis Merritt Jones’ message, “Remember, forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean forgetting. We may always have memories attached to some of our emotional wounds in much the same way we have scar tissue from a physical wound that happened long ago. That doesn’t mean you have to relive the pain that caused the scar.”

Our childhood wounds are exposed through adult relationships and if we do little to confront them, they can ruin our lives. Therefore, they are a gift guiding us to heal within.

Through mindfulness, we learn to be grounded in the present moment and experience any emotions that emerge. This simple act cultivates true intimacy with ourselves.

So avoid holding on to your pain. There is no power gained from being a victim, other than to deflect your wounds onto others to appease your suffering.

I wish to leave you with a quote from psychotherapist and author John Prendergast Ph.D. who states, “If our heart has been closed and then begins to open, we often discover why our native sensitivity originally shut down. Old emotional wounds will surface and ask for our attention. Difficult feelings such as grief, shame, self-loathing, personal deficiency, despair, and fear can arise.”

This statement reaffirms the need to love ourselves completely, no matter the emotions.

Our responsibility is not to judge ourselves, but to reconcile the pain and integrate it into our experience toward oneness.

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How To Overcome Self-Doubt

In this video I discuss three way to help you overcome self-doubt.

If you enjoyed this video and want to learn more, I’ve put together three detailed courses via curious.com

1. Basic Life-Skills For Personal Growth

2. How To Build Powerful Relationships

3. How To Reduce Stress

The post How To Overcome Self-Doubt appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

How To Embrace Your Imperfections

“Imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we’re all in this together.” ― Brené Brown

To embrace your imperfections, first let go of identifying yourself as inadequate and embody the wholeness of your being.

Consider the accompanying narrative of how our imperfections can be channelled correctly:

A water bearer had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which he carried across his neck. One pot had a crack in it while the other was perfect and consistently delivered a whole portion of water.

One day, at the end of the long walk from the stream to his house, the cracked pot arrived half full. This continued daily for two years, with the bearer bringing home one and a half pots of water.

The perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the cracked pot was embarrassed by its imperfection since it fulfilled only a fraction of what it was designed for.

After two years of what it regarded as disappointment, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the river. “I’m ashamed of myself because this crack in my side causes water to leak all the way back to your house.” The bearer replied, “Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot’s side? That’s because I’ve always known about your flaw. I sowed flower seeds on your side of the path and every day on our walk back to the house, you watered them.

“For two years I’ve picked these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being the way you are, I wouldn’t have this beauty to decorate the house.”

What you regard as limitations is good fortune clothed as hardship, yet when applied correctly can transform your life.

Accept yourself completely, knowing you possess a combination of qualities. Instead of bringing attention to your weaknesses, view them as gifts to transform into the wholeness of your being.

It’s pointless striving to become someone you’re not. To maintain a façade over time is exhausting and strips you of your authentic self.

We are not attracted to others because of their virtues; their wholeness of character is what resonates with us most.

Consider being in a room of attractive people and notice the tendency to fixate on your own faults. It’s human nature to measure ourselves against others, though we need not subjugate our self-worth.

“In fact, it is the favourable comparisons that we draw against others not in our group that help to define who we are. This is how we formulate our identity – by focusing on what we are not. The trouble is that by focusing on others, we miss our own imperfections,” states author Bruce Hood in The Self Illusion: Why There is No ‘You’ Inside Your Head.

To accept your imperfections, cease trying to satisfy others. The more you aim to please, the less people are inclined to identify with you, because people-pleasing is a powerless state.

There are several leading actors and successful entrepreneurs with notable imperfections which they used to their advantage. Consider Arnold Schwarzenegger’s heavy accent which didn’t discourage him from becoming Hollywood’s most prominent star. Similarly, Richard Branson’s dyslexia had little hindrance when he was establishing his thriving billion-dollar Virgin empire.

Whilst I acknowledge the following wisdom is often given out, it is underutilised owing to its simplicity. The power of gratitude can help us to realise the wholeness of our character. A blemish on an apple does not make it inedible, but gives it further appeal.

Equally, vulnerability allows us to embrace our imperfections because we communicate the same intention to others. It shows our humanness, given that perfection is an unattainable ambition if we wish to lead an authentic life.

Without doubt, what you look for, you are certain to encounter.

We must be mindful of our shortcomings yet still bring our greatest work to life. As a further example, the actor Sylvester Stallone was once advised that his slurred speech would pose an obstacle to becoming an onscreen actor. Nevertheless, he channelled that objection to create a streak of successful films playing the lead character Rocky Balboa, the impoverished boxer hailing from the slums of Philadelphia.

“Our love is perfect. And even though we may not be, our love creates a bridge that spans over our imperfections and joins us where it matters.” ― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You

I appreciate the message from psychotherapist and author David Richo who affirms, “Error and errancy are not tragedies. They are ingredients of and directions to discovery. They show us paths that humble us, startle us, and point us to new horizons. They do not have to lead to regret or shame. We say yes to our imperfection and accept our mistakes.”

So, welcome your imperfections and stop regarding them as an impediment. Delight in them, while impacting the lives of others.

At some stage in our life, we subscribe to a distorted image that portrays people as perfect. Perhaps the media plays a role, yet this image is far removed from reality.

We must let go of striving for perfection and accept our true identity. We are complex beings and our physical appearance is one facet of our being. If we fixate on our imperfections whilst downplaying other aspects, we overlook the wholeness of who we are.

Consider viewing a masterpiece painting close up. Your attention is drawn to the bold brushstrokes that appear distracting to the eye. Yet, when you step back and view the painting from afar, you realise the beauty and complexity of those brushstrokes that appear to outline the entire picture.

See yourself as a masterpiece beyond your shortcomings, replete with bold brushstrokes that completes the whole person.

Transformational psychotherapist Linda Graham states in her book, Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well-Being, “Include an appreciation of your own wholeness and your goodness, all your strengths, all your weaknesses, including the ones your inner critic is currently harping on. Include your friend’s love and acceptance of you, exactly as you are, with all of your human imperfections, and their understanding of all the events that created your way of being and your particular flavor of the universally human inner critic.”

Our imperfections call us to exercise self-compassion with our inner critic.

Don’t abandon yourself when the inner critic judges your imperfections. See it as an opportunity to love and accept the disapproving part of you, instead of waging war. With concentrated attention, we reframe our inner dialogue to be more affirming.

We must honour our feelings and use it to examine what inflames our emotions. In this manner, we transform our inner dialogue to reaffirm our wholeness instead of focusing on our separateness.

You are born to be real not perfect.

There is no personal growth in a Utopian world and the last time I checked, we are a great way off Heaven, Nirvana or Paradise. We must quietly evolve into the highest version of ourselves.

Perfection is not the answer if we aspire to attain inner peace. It will lead us further astray because we’ll continuously strive to change aspects of ourselves we’re unhappy with.

Gratitude, however, opens the doorway to acceptance and a heart-centred focus.

In conclusion, your imperfections are based on an illusory perception that highlights one facet of your being.

You must welcome your imperfections so the wholeness of who you are is realised.

Afterall, it was Martin Luther King Jr. who declared, “Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”

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Goodreads FREE Book Giveaway

“The core self is often buried under conditioned beliefs, thoughts and ideas of an illusory self. Suffering occurs when we strive to uphold an image of who we think we should be.”

If you’ve enjoyed reading my articles, you’ll be pleased to know my second book, Reconstructing The Past To Create A Remarkable Future is due for release next month. To mark the release, we created a Goodreads Giveaway competition where you could win one of five advanced physical copies of the book.

If you’re a Goodreads member, click on the link below to enter the draw. The competition ends February 22nd 2016 where winner’s names will be announced via email and on Goodreads.

Dr. Joe Vitale from The Secret film has written the foreword for the book, which I’m certain will attract media attention.

Don’t forget to download a FREE chapter of the book.

Good luck and thank you for supporting the book.

BOOK SYNOPSIS:

Contained within every personal transformation account, lies a narrative of healing past wounds. Whilst we cannot change the past, we have the power to choose how to remember it.

As we look to create a significant life, we become less attached to how it arrives, since we place our trust in universal wisdom to unfold through us.

As Marcel Proust points out, “We are healed of a suffering by experiencing it in full.” Thus, our willingness to experience the past by refusing to hold on to it, becomes the pivotal point for creating a remarkable future.

Letting go of the need to change our present circumstances liberates us from longing to struggle. Striving is our opposition to life and creates inner turmoil since we stay “stuck” in the past, unable to navigate ahead toward a compelling future.

The first half of the book speaks to the opening title by re-framing the past to create a purposeful future. There is power in acknowledging our present circumstances to create empowering life choices.

Goodreads Book Giveaway


Reconstructing The Past To Create A Remarkable Future
by Tony Fahkry

Giveaway ends February 22, 2016.

See the giveaway details

at Goodreads.

Enter Giveaway

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Why You Are Already Worthy

“You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” — Brené Brown

Worthiness is a measure of what you’re willing to receive. At the deepest level, self-worth relates to our sense of entitlement.

Self-worth entails embracing our true self whose essence is pure love.

You are already worthy since your thoughts related to your self-worth do not make up the real you. These are composed storylines that don’t show who you are beneath the surface. They’re made-up narratives, gained from well-intentioned people and were never yours to begin with.

I appreciate it may be difficult to comprehend, yet with enough focussed attention you’ll realise your unworthiness is an invented script not worth consideration.

“The most dangerous stories we make up are the narratives that diminish our inherent worthiness. We must reclaim the truth about our lovability, divinity, and creativity,” affirms author Brené Brown in Rising Strong.

To claim our worthiness, we must acknowledge our faults and insecurities, knowing these are one facet of our being.

Your worthiness is a call to honour your whole self and not focus on the disempowering aspects.

I recall working in an upmarket men’s shoe store as a young adult and discovering the imperfections in leather shoes. Customers flocked in droves to buy shoes with slight flaws, attributed to the animals grazing against barbed wire fences or trees. This exhibited the hide’s true character replete with natural blemishes.

Equally, your scars and imperfections are not something to cower from, embrace as the wholeness of your being. Brazilian author Paulo Coelho states, “Take pride in your scars, they speak more loudly than the sword that caused them.”

No one is perfect, not even the most enlightened being. Our earthly way of life gives rise to evolving into the person we wish to become. This means our insecurities and negative attributes have the potential to be transformed into endowing characteristics.

Low self-worth is evident in others when they’re paid a compliment. Some will offer thanks while others dismiss it because they’re unable to receive praise. This small gesture alone communicates the individual’s capacity to receive.

Moreover, our ability to receive and give love determines our self-worth. If we’re unaccustomed to receive abundance, whether as: compliments, love, compassion, kindness or otherwise, we limit our ability to enhance our self-worth.

“We increase our worthiness when we embrace the conditions that enhance self-esteem,” states Dr. Mario E. Martinez in The MindBody Code: How to Change the Beliefs that Limit Your Health, Longevity, and Success.

Beyond achieving our dreams or attaining success, our greatest triumph results from embracing our worthiness.

“The most splendid achievement of all is the constant striving to surpass yourself and to be worthy of your own approval.” — Denis Waitley

You are worthy because you are the representation of abundance. Your genetic expression, talents and gifts are the highest form of abundance. It rests on you whether you embrace these gifts and use them rightfully.

In the same way, you enrich your self-worth by acknowledging your worthiness to receive. I invite you to let go of limiting beliefs that claim you are unworthy.

Such thoughts are not conducive and impair your personal growth. Instead, replace them with empowering thoughts.

We must upgrade our thoughts, similar to updating computer software so it runs efficiently without a virus impacting its performance.

Whilst I appreciate the computer analogy is a simple metaphor, it highlights that when we let go of undesirable beliefs, we create a fulfilling life devoid of stories that no longer serve us.

Author Brené Brown affirms once more, “One of the truisms of wholehearted living is you either walk into your story and own your truth, or you live outside of your story, hustling for your worthiness.”

To accept your worthiness, let go of playing the victim and forgive yourself and others.

Every experience, whether good or bad, has brought you to this point in time, so that even the words on this screen are orchestrated to guide your personal transformation.

Rest assured, you needn’t accumulate more thoughts to validate your self-worth. Instead, let go of who you think you are to allow your authentic self to be known.

For change to occur, we must accept our current circumstances without conditions.

Consider a car restorer who buys a dilapidated vehicle to refurbish. His thoughts are fixed on the car’s final transformation, rather than its current condition.

I invite you to adopt the same consideration and accept every facet of your life with conviction. I’m not asking you to take pleasure in your current circumstances, rather accept reality to create the life you deserve.

You are worthy of love because the conditions that contributed to your conception were conceived out of love.

Until a certain age you rarely questioned your self-worth. Though, with the passage of time you assumed other people’s opinions and understood them as your own.

To own your worthiness, make it a priority to embrace every facet of your being. Avoid focussing on your negative qualities, yet appreciate they’re an evolving facet of your being. There’ll come a time when you’ll look back and see how pointless it was to focus on your negative characteristics.

I often overhear people declare how they’ll feel worthy once they have, “Insert thing, person or way of life here.” You’ll never be worthy even with a surplus of money or love, if you carry your unworthiness around like a handbag.

Unworthiness is a virus that infects our spirit and stifles our potential.

We must remove the virus by seeing it as an obscuring veil of deceit that robs us of our authenticity.

I wish to leave you with a passage from Brené Brown’s book Rising Strong which captures the spirit of embracing our worthiness.

“I define wholehearted living as engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough.”

Afterall, beneath the suffering you are worthy because you are already enough by your presence alone.

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Embrace Your True Identity

“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” — Oscar Wilde

To embrace our true identity we must rise above our known existence and associate with our core self.

It was the African American author and philosopher Howard Thurman who declared, “There is something in every one of you that waits and listens for the sound of the genuine in yourself. It is the only true guide you will ever have. And if you cannot hear it, you will all of your life spend your days on the ends of strings that somebody else pulls.”

That something Thurman speaks of is the silent whisper of our soul crying out for us to merge with it. However, we must become silent long enough to recognise its voice. We repeatedly drown out the call of our inner wisdom by obscuring it with disempowering thoughts.

It is apparent many people hide behind a fictitious persona to please others. Uncertainty arises when others no longer identify with us and so we form our entire personality around pleasing them.

We should welcome our individuality since our identity is fluid and undergoes many transformations as we develop.

It’s unwise to forsake your negative qualities in favour of positive ones, since you’re already complete with your still-evolving character.

If we discard the negative facets of ourselves how can we devote attention towards our personal transformation?

Our authentic self often takes a backseat to build a public persona which we try hopelessly to defend. Yet behind closed doors we are like a theatre actor who looks forward to coming off stage.

Your identity evolves throughout your life. Comparable to a house, once a stable identity is constructed, there’s little to bring about its collapse.

“Our identity is the sum of our memories, but it turns out that memories are fluid, modified by context and sometimes simply confabulated. This means we cannot trust them and our sense of self is compromised. Note how this leaves us with a glaring paradox – without a sense of self, memories have no meaning, and yet the self is a product of our memories,” states author Bruce Hood in The Self Illusion: Why There is No ‘You’ Inside Your Head.

Beyond embracing our true identity remains the desire to embody our core self which is bestowed in peace, love and harmony. This is your default nature and if we stray from this ideal, we invite disharmony and dis-ease into our lives.

Similarly, to entertain disempowering thoughts such as: victimhood, anger, fear and hate, we detach from our core self.

This is because we disconnect from our true identity which lies beneath the surface of the constructed self. This authentic Self is obscured because we forget our way amongst the countless thoughts related to our identity.

Author of Emotional First Aid, Guy Winch states our self-worth is influenced by our identity, “When our self-esteem is chronically low, feeling unworthy becomes part of our identity, something with which we feel comfortable, a way of being to which we become accustomed.”

“Before I can tell my life what I want to do with it, I must listen to my life telling me who I am.” — Parker J. Palmer

It’s crucial to recognise your identity is not determined by how you make a living, rather who you are and who you grow into.

Speak to any individual made redundant following years of work and they’ll convey the clear void missing in their life. This is linked to identifying with their job instead of their underlying nature. They identify with their occupation and are lost when they no longer have that to look forward to.

It’s as complex and as straightforward as this. If your occupation no longer reinforces your identity, who are you beneath that?

Again author Bruce Hood makes an argument that our identity affects our self-worth, “The need for identity is so strong that when prisoners or institutionalized individuals are stripped of their possessions, they will confer value on items that would otherwise be considered as worthless.”

Moreover, our successes and disappointments don’t govern our identity, they add a piece to the puzzle.

To recognise our true identity, we surrender fixed labels, cultural paradigms and opinions of who we are. Only then can we form an identity devoid of limiting beliefs.

In an earlier article I pointed out how our concept of self regulates our identity to reinforce negative or empowering qualities. Where attention is concentrated becomes our focal point.

To associate our identity with our self-worth when it’s reliant on satisfying others, is destructive in the long run. What if others change their opinions of us? Without warning, if we’re to appease them, we must change our identity once again to satisfy them.

The downfall is that we’re not being genuine with ourselves in nurturing who we are.

You are not the sum of your mistakes, yet if you allow them to define you they will consume you. It was St. Thomas who wrote, “If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not, it will destroy you.” However, if you appreciate that your prior mistakes helped you awaken your authentic self, you build a bridge to show your true identity.

Similarly, many people give up their identity when they begin a new relationship. There’s a sense of agreement as partners seek to live as one instead of divided. Here, we abandon facets of our identity to please our partner because we fear we might lose them. Consequently, individuals struggle to recover their identity once the relationship breaks down.

The answer lies in being unapologetically you in every situation. This means people will reject us while others welcome us. This is considered the best display of who we ought to lean towards.

Honour who you are and take pleasure in the individual you are, realising you are a work in progress. You will continue to evolve until the moment you no longer inhabit your physical body.

Don’t go to war with yourself or oppose aspects which you disapprove, instead incorporate them into the wholeness of your being.

Only then will you dare to embrace your true identity beneath the rubble of the divided self.

The post Embrace Your True Identity appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

Recognising The Voice Of The Ego

“It is the nature of the ego to take, and the nature of the spirit to share.” — Proverb

Being mindful of the ego’s control could be the single factor that leads to our salvation.

Alternative medicine advocate and author Deepak Chopra affirmed, “If you want to reach a state of bliss, then go beyond your ego. Make a decision to relinquish the need to control, the need to be approved, and the need to judge. Those are the three things the ego is doing all the time. It’s very important to be aware of them every time they come up.”

Many people are asleep to the vice-like grip the ego has and fall victim to it because they are unaware of its influence.

The ego is the wounded and scorned child that poses a threat to a person’s self-esteem. It manipulates you into the belief of separation, which is nothing more than an impulse intended to reinforce its position.

The ego thrives on dividing you from the wholeness of your authentic self and conspires to lure you into its ways.

It is the splintered part of the soul serving to admonish you of your limitations.

The ego takes its power from identifying with the “I” of your being. Every time you affirm, “I am lazy”, “I am hopeless/incompetent”, etc., it reinforces its influence.

When this voice becomes overwhelming, it leads us further away from our soul nature.

The ego undertakes to prove your unworthiness by bringing attention to the damaged aspects of your character.

“All ego really is, is our opinions, which we take to be solid, real, and the absolute truth about how things are,” states Buddhist nun Pema Chodron.

We are complete beings, embodied in the duality of light and dark – yin and yang. The ego, however, prefers to bring attention to the darkness by reminding us of the concealed self, replete with faults and vulnerabilities. However, this is not who we are but merely a snapshot of our being.

It seeks to be heard to ensure its survival, since focussing attention on our soul nature diminishes the ego.

To find harmony, we acknowledge our unconscious or suppressed thoughts while transforming them into empowering states.

Author Mario Martinez states in The MindBody Code, “The solution to all your impasses and suffering is not to kill your ego or detach from your negative emotions. You need your ego to deal with the practical aspects of life, and all emotions are essential biological information that tells you how your body is responding to the interpretations you make about your circumstances.”

To draw attention to our authentic self, we must realise that underneath our tangled story lies our core essence which is love and light. For the ego is merely a facade masquerading as a Venetian mask to conceal the real self.

Consider this, why do we identify with the egoic voice instead of the expression of the soul? Maybe it reminds us of the parent who criticises us, in contrast to the nurturing parent. Naturally, we are drawn to the negative parent to appease them and justify our self-worth.

“Give up all bad qualities in you, banish the ego and develop the spirit of surrender. You will then experience Bliss.” — Sri Sathya Sai Baba

The ego is the worn-out script that plays out in our head to convince us of our unworthiness. This is coupled with recalling negative thoughts that have us believe we are less than perfect.

To transform the voice of the ego, we become conscious of our limiting self-talk and examine our hurt and pain for what it actually is — a smoke screen.

We undertake this by going into silence which allows us to connect with the stillness of the inner self. Meditation practice is an effective means to connect with our soul, because it drowns out the mental chatter in place of connecting with our authentic self.

“The authentic self will never lead you to believe that you have anything to defend, prove, or be puffed up about, because your true identity is not determined by what your ego or the world has to say about you,” affirms author Dennis Merritt Jones.

Regretfully, many people distract themselves with extraneous noise that isolates them from associating with their core self. If they retreat into silence long enough, they discover beneath their thoughts is someone they don’t like.

There is a vast undercurrent of longing to be noticed within. This pure awareness is known when we shift our attention away from incessant thoughts and focus on the stillness.

It was during meditation practice one day that I reached deep into my being and experienced this breath-taking stillness. I sensed returning home and yearned to associate with this pure silence. The clue to develop a relationship with this aspect of our being is to turn down the narrative of the egoic voice.

We shouldn’t try to destroy the ego, rather to integrate it into the wholeness of our being so we are not a servant to it.

Meditation teacher and psychotherapist Loch Kelly validates this position in his book, Shift into Freedom: The Science and Practice of Open-Hearted Awareness. “What we let go of is our ego-identification. Our ego functions and ego personality become less stressed, defensive, and constricted; ego-identification is no longer experienced as the centre of who we are.”

We must avoid supporting the ego’s view of separateness, and instead highlight the principle of wholeness.

Disempowering thoughts linked to fear is our soul calling us to reconnect with our authentic nature. Accordingly, fear is a signpost pointing us to the quietness within.

So, when a disempowering thought appears, simply notice it through pure awareness. I am reminded of the phrase my six-year-old nephew learned at kindergarten – “stop, look and listen.”

So, we stop what we are doing, look within and listen attentively to the voice calling our attention. As you practice this, the less the ego will reinforce its control, so in time it rescinds into the background.

Afterall, if we seek to attain a state of bliss as Deepak Chopra affirms, we must reach beyond the ego while being attentive to its control.

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Why It Pays To Be Relentless

“It’s about being relentless in the pursuit of your goal and resilient in the face of bad luck and adversity.” — Nick Saban

In the film The Pursuit of Happyness, Chris Gardner played by Will Smith announces to his son during a moment of despair:

“Hey. Don’t ever let somebody tell you… You can’t do something. Not even me. All right?

“You got a dream… You gotta protect it. People can’t do somethin’ themselves, they wanna tell you you can’t do it. If you want somethin’, go get it. Period.”

Captured in that brief dialogue is an inspiring though compelling reality of what it means to be relentless — persistence.

To achieve success, we must be unwavering in our pursuit of it since life seldom rewards the undeserving. In the instance where success comes naturally, if one is not fully prepared, then easy come easy go.

It was Warren Buffett who said, “Until you can manage your emotions, don’t expect to manage money.” Regardless of assigning money to success, we need to manage our emotions to overcome obstacles on the road to victory.

An unwavering attitude arises from an indomitable will, characterised by a relentless pursuit of excellence.

We can be determined in going after a dream, a goal or a plan just as those who diligently toil away at their vocation. I’m reminded of Thomas Edison whose patience and uncompromising character contributed to numerous extraordinary inventions.

A fierce desire is fuelled by the determination to prosper.

“There are a lot of great inventors and improvers in the world. But those who hack world-class success tend to be the ones who can focus relentlessly on a tiny number of things. In other words, to soar, we need to simplify,” affirms author Shane Snow in Smartcuts: How Hackers, Innovators, and Icons Accelerate Success.

To develop persistence we soar above our difficulties instead of acquiesce to them. Because, if our resolve is strong nothing can stand in our way to achieve success.

However well intentioned, an unyielding attitude cannot flourish in an impoverished mind. A great attitude blossoms when obstacles are observed as positive feedback that lead to victory.

To be relentless demands tolerance, given events will seldom play out as we hope. The persistent person conspires with the forces of life and acts when the time is right.

They commit to daily actions in pursuit of their objectives while savouring the journey – for the process is as significant as the goal. They foster a growth mindset that favours personal growth instead of a narrowed vision.

Others may consider them with disdain and criticise their approach. Therefore, weigh up other people’s opinions carefully without allowing it to hinder your plans.

Author Robert Greene articulates it well in his book Mastery, “Be relentless in your pursuit for expansion. Whenever you feel like you are settling into some circle, force yourself to shake things up and look for new challenges…”

A relentless outlook can make those around you uncomfortable and lead them to examine their own passion. They may impose their shortcomings on you to appease their indignity.

“You should focus relentlessly on something you’re good at doing but before that you must think hard about whether it will be valuable in the future.” – Peter Thiel

To be exceptional we must pursue excellence and self-mastery. Those who achieve notable success polish their performance and enhance their skills daily.

It is no mystery the bigger your dream, the harder it is to reach. This should not discourage you from going after it, despite chipping away at it deliberately and laboriously. I am drawn to the mantra of “consistent persistence.”

At times, success may show up when we least expect it. There is no overnight success with the determined individual. Behind every rags-to-riches story lies a person who works assiduously to hone their craft.

Success may be summed up as the ability to follow a well-laid plan with adjustments along the way.

“Whatever you want out of life, you must go through a process to get it. The process will take time, energy, determination, sacrifice, and relentless focus. If you want it enough, you’ll find a way to get it done,” states author Larry Weidel in Serial Winner: 5 Actions to Create Your Cycle of Success.

Determined individuals are meticulous with detail and research. They dot their i’s and cross their t’s knowing the devil lies in the details.

They pursue their passion even when they’re less inclined. The novelist who sits down to compose the written prose, may not be motivated to work on this day. Yet, their determination and unrelenting pursuit of mastery compels them to show up and transform their habits into accomplishments.

A relentless approach demands pursuing objectives that work and discard what is detrimental to the overall goal. This person is outcome orientated identifying when modifications need to be made.

They take personal responsibility to overcome hurdles as they emerge, for they are not perfectionists, though seek to be impeccable with the task at hand.

Being relentless builds character since we discover a hidden force influencing our every step. We forge the marble of our character to create an inner monument formed through determination, struggle and resilience. These are the foundations of the relentless; unbounding in their quest for excellence.

“The craftsman mindset, with its relentless focus on becoming ‘so good they can’t ignore you,’ is a strategy well suited for acquiring career capital. This is why it trumps the passion mindset if your goal is to create work you love,” affirms author Cal Newport in So Good They Can’t Ignore You.

Relentless characters are self-aware and play to their strengths instead of nourishing their weakness.

They avoid succumbing to the voice of the ego since they know they are only as good as their last performance.

They lead from the heart because pursuing their passion is an endeavour that emerges from their core self and not material gain.

An uncompromising attitude requires perspective since it is natural to be swept away by success and rest on one’s laurels. Yet, when this happens we lose sight of the factors that contributed to our initial success.

Lastly, to be relentless we must think big and act big.

As Chris Gardner reminds us in the opening dialogue, if we want something, we go get it.

Period!

The post Why It Pays To Be Relentless appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

The Power To Be Relentless Video Blog

To be relentless in your pursuit of an outcome, goal or dream, you must have a determined will and a powerful conviction. You need a big WHY? Don’t forget to check out my latest course on curious.com titled, How to Build Powerful Relationships – A 10-part course with Tony Fahkry

The post The Power To Be Relentless Video Blog appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

The Power To Be Relentless

To be relentless in your pursuit of an outcome, goal or dream, you must have a determined will and a powerful conviction. You need a big WHY? Don’t forget to check out my latest course on curious.com titled, How to Build Powerful Relationships – A 10-part course with Tony Fahkry

The post The Power To Be Relentless appeared first on Tony Fahkry.