Tony Fahkry's Blog, page 39

If The Struggle Is Real, It’s Worth It In The End

“Success is not measured by what you accomplish, but by the opposition you have encountered, and the courage with which you have maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds.” — Orison Swett Marden

Emotional Intensity

The American novelist F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote a letter to his daughter Scottie in 1940 stating, “Life is essentially a cheat and its conditions are those of defeat; the redeeming things are not happiness and pleasure but the deeper satisfactions that come out of struggle.”

Struggle is tied closely to the human condition, a simmering battle of opposing forces. It lurks amidst the anguish of opportunity and seizes upon us in moments of weakness.

The struggle is obvious, whether you’re engaged in chasing your dreams or caught up in the grind of everyday living.

Embedded in each person’s struggle is a purpose waiting to unfold.

Embedded in each person’s struggle is a purpose waiting to unfold.
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Yet, many people never make it this far because the struggle intensifies their pain, and they quit even while they are ahead.

“Everything in your life — especially your challenges — is tailor-made to help you see your stories of struggle. Whatever is in the way is the way!” avows author Mary O’Malley in What’s in the Way Is the Way: A Practical Guide for Waking Up to Life.

In fact, the biggest impediments faced during times of struggle are the thoughts that get in the way.

Just think of the last time you were enraged and considered writing an abrasive email, yet came back to it the following day.

I’m sure your emotional intensity waned, and you no longer felt the same. Why is that?

The point I wish to emphasise, is that your thoughts and their corresponding emotions are real. You experience their intensity and feel compelled to act on them.

Not necessarily.

Feel the emotions, but avoid being trapped by their impulsiveness.

Running away from pain only intensifies it. Explore the emotions by all means but don’t stuff them down.

The issue is that you are trapped in your thoughts and are overstating what is taking place. You assign a storyline not reflecting reality.

“Struggles only persist when we search outside for causes and cures,” asserts sports psychologist Garret Kramer in The Path of No Resistance: Why Overcoming is Simpler than You Think.

Looking back on history, the greatest stories arise from pain and struggle.

Joseph Campbell’s mythological narrative of the Hero’s Journey draws on twelve distinct themes, the two main encounters being: Crossing The Threshold and The Ordeal.

This same narrative is the basis of every successful Hollywood film. The main character experiences an obstacle in the beginning, only to overcome it in the end.

The American writer Mark Twain said, “Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.”

What transpires is more inexplicable than can be imagined.

We identify with this narrative because it is the human story we know all too well.

These forces are sewn into the fabric of life, designed to help you discover your greatness if you dare.

Resistance and Struggle

I value author and social researcher Brené Brown’s perspective in Rising Strong: “But I’m learning that the process of struggling and navigating hurt has as much to offer us as the process of being brave and showing up.”

Inner growth does not occur without resistance and struggle. Those with financial riches are not immune to life’s challenges.

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of those depths.” — Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

The struggle is the seed that gives life to the unfolding story that beckons you to explore.

What if your struggles have actually laid the foundations for something greater to emerge?

What if your struggles have actually laid the foundations for something greater to emerge?
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Is it worth exploring?

If there’s a compelling enough reason, it may ultimately lead you to success. Nothing should stand in the way if your motives are strong enough.

“People who cheat want to avoid the struggle, the cost, or the fight. They don’t know the truth about winning: Nothing of value in this world comes easy. The only way to get anywhere worthwhile is to go to work,” states author Larry Weidel in Serial Winner: 5 Actions to Create Your Cycle of Success.

Rest if you must, take a break however long, but don’t give up because you interfere with the unfolding story if you exit midway.

How can you maintain a hopeful outlook during uncertain times you ask?

The Struggle Is Real and Worth It

First, embrace the struggle, the pain and the disappointment.

By associating with it, you appreciate the goal or dream is real. The frustration, the heartache and misery is inviting you to reach higher.

Recall the Hero’s Journey?

No one portrays this more persuasively than former President of the United States, Theodore Roosevelt, in a speech entitled Man in the Arena. “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly… who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.”

Don’t run away from the struggle as it will linger longer than you want it to.

Consider it an old friend who comes to stay for a while, yet is still sleeping on your couch six months later.

The struggle is not constrained by a timeline nor concerned by your disappointments. When it ushers into your life, it will turn you inside out and entrench itself deep within your psyche.

So invite it in, make it a cup of tea since it will be staying longer. Become acquainted with what it wants you to know and why it has called upon you.

Identify with the struggle and don’t defeat it sooner because it will assuredly overstay its welcome if you force it to leave.

Author Mary O’Malley states, “In fact, everything in your life is a part of the journey into recognizing and living from a place that is beyond struggle.”

Then one day, the struggle will disappear in search of another person to befriend.

Bid farewell and be ready to welcome the next episode; reward. When she sweeps in, it will be as though the struggle was a moment frozen in time.

It is with that we return to F. Scott Fitzgerald’s opening quote and draw your attention to the deeper satisfactions of our lives emerge out of struggle.

Were it not for the pain, how would you know the depths of your character?

For hidden within the recesses of your soul lies the need for glory, made apparent as struggle.

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6 Golden Rules for Living the Good Life Right Now

“The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge.”— Bertrand Russell

You may think living a good life requires a vast change in circumstances to leave your old life behind.

While that may be the case, it requires throwing off the bowline and setting sail on what awaits ahead. It is likely to be smoother sailing than navigating the torrents of the grind associated with everyday living.

To improve your life, make sure to focus on one key point outlined here until you have embodied the knowledge at a deeper level.

Don’t wish for the destination to arrive sooner, since that is like leaving home on a road trip without your car keys. You cannot skip to the end while foregoing the journey that takes place in-between.

Easy does it, one step at a time.

Don’t Worry About What You Can’t Control

We spend our lives worrying about things outside our control, feeling powerless to experience an extraordinary life. Many of your problems seldom come to pass. It is the uncertainty of an unexpected future which causes pain and disillusionment. Let go of worry and develop trust because life is self-serving and knows exactly what it’s doing for your greater good.

Often it may seem that a situation is not playing out as you expect. Don’t be quick to judge what is taking place until the entire picture is formed. I invite you to consider your problems in the context of what do I worry about? versus what should I worry about? In most cases, we catastrophise circumstances that will fix themselves if we allow ourselves to step back from the drama.

Chaos is necessary in order to give birth to new beginnings. If you gauge what is taking place based on first impressions, you are not seeing the entire picture – only a tiny facet of it.

Chaos is necessary in order to give birth to new beginnings.
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Don’t Take Yourself Or The World Seriously

Many people believe life owes them something. This may be gained from family and loved ones and carried around like a heavy burden. Yet, this keeps them trapped in their misery because they live according to these expectations and not what is actually taking place in their life.

Life doesn’t owe you anything because you are the expression of life, meaning you convey whatever you want to experience through your thoughts and actions.

Imagine you’re looking down on your life from outer space. How insignificant would your problems appear from that viewpoint? The only reason you take yourself seriously is because you are involved in your own drama and cannot see a way out – you are caught in the eye of the storm. So stop struggling and allow life to take you where it needs to, because you will end up in a delightful place once the storm has settled.

Master Yourself As Best You Can

To master yourself means knowing who you are beyond your character traits. It means cultivating an empowering inner dialogue. When you are in tune with yourself, you are aware of who is contained behind the person you call “I.” This formed image is the accumulation of past conditioning and does not represent the real you.

If you only identify with that part, you realise you are nothing more than pain and suffering. The ego tries to reinforce this image instead of identifying with your core self. It then becomes a battle to distance yourself from the fictitious character formed in your mind. The more you give it life, the stronger it grows. You are whole, comprised of both worthy and imperfect qualities, yet you are not any of these in particular unless you associate with them.

If you associate with anger or fear, you overlook other prominent qualities. From this perspective there is nothing to take seriously because your formed image is a character come to life in your mind.

“The good life consists in deriving happiness by using your signature strengths every day in the main realms of living. The meaningful life adds one more component: using these same strengths to forward knowledge, power or goodness.” — Martin Seligman

Practice Kindness And Compassion

Kindness and compassion are elements of a two-way street benefiting giver and receiver alike. Compassion means a shared empathy for others who experience pain and suffering.

It’s shown that compassion affects the supramarginal gyrus, a part of the cerebral cortex region of the brain. Practicing compassion directs your mind to be more empathic, which is a sign of emotional intelligence. Kindness means to treat your fellow man with humility and respect. You treat others as you want to be treated yourself. The basis to kindness starts with compassion for oneself.

When a person lacks kindness, they may have been psychologically, emotionally or physically abused and have adopted this learned behaviour. But this is not the essence of who they are.

Kindness means to treat your fellow man with humility and respect. You treat others as you want to…
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Make Peace With Fear And Anger

A golden rule to living a good life is to make peace with fear and anger. It is unhealthy to harbour toxic emotions fuelled by thoughts that intensify them. Whatever occurred in the past taught you something important about yourself and your life. If you do not make peace with these emotional states, they will afflict you. They are toxic energies with a potential to ruin your relationships and health in the long term.

This has been a major part of my work in the past decade, during which I devoted two books to helping people transform their pain. To make peace with fear and anger, accept what transpired in the past and give up the need to be right. You can be right or you can be happy but you cannot be both. Choose happiness every time, even if you must give up something because your emotional wellbeing is paramount.

Many people want happiness, yet clutch to their anger and fear with intensity. They are reluctant to let go of these emotions to experience the very thing they desire. You cannot hold a piece of hot coal in one hand and a beautiful flower in the other because your attention is diverted to the pain, instead of the beauty in the flower. “Fear, largely, is a waste of good life, one of the most capable thieves of presence. Not to mention love,” affirms author Jan Frazier in The Freedom of Being: At Ease with What Is

Love And Approving Of Yourself

I deliberately left this point until now since it ties everything together. Many problems people experience arise from a lack of self-love. They focus on their unworthiness instead of choosing to highlight their greater qualities. They create a story of pain and misery which amplifies their suffering. Loving yourself starts by recognising you are worthy. You are worthy irrespective of what happened in the past.

I grew up with a stern upbringing from a domineering father who insisted nothing I did was good enough. As a result, I became my own role model by providing whatever was missing from my childhood. I nurtured myself with loving kindness and compassion over the years. In retrospect, this was the most significant step I undertook because it instilled in me a strong sense of self-esteem. I no longer relied on others to reinforce my sense of self because it came from within.

Loving yourself means complete acceptance of who you are, without conditions. It means owning your pain and suffering, knowing you are complete and deserving in every way.

“Because, just as supportive love teaches us that we are valuable and worthy of a good life, archetypal wounds teach us to devalue who we are and believe that we are unworthy of a good life,” states author Mario Martinez in The MindBody Code: How to Change the Beliefs that Limit Your Health, Longevity, and Success.

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How to Take Back Your Life and Unsubscribe From the Drama of Everyday Living

“You don’t have a right to the cards you believe you should have been dealt. You have an obligation to play the hell out of the ones you’re holding.” — Cheryl Strayed

An Action Plan for Your Life

We stand frozen before the drama we wish to flee from like a deer in the headlights and wonder why we don’t get out of the way.

You may have taken a path in life you had little intention of choosing. You might look back and wonder if it was the right decision.

This does not mean your choices are wrong. Think of it like trying on clothes before stepping out for the evening. You might know what you will wear, yet when it comes time to get dressed, you’re influenced by the weather or your mood. All of a sudden, the outfit is not to your liking.

What I’m proposing is: life doesn’t know what it will become until you step into it. You cannot make mistakes other than experience the fruits of your thoughts and act accordingly.

“It turns out that one reason we wrongly predict what will make us happy in the future is that we overlook our capacity to tolerate, and even adapt to, discomfort,” state authors Todd Kashdan and Robert Biswas-Diener in The Upside of Your Dark Side: Why Being Your Whole Self — Not Just Your “Good” Self — Drives Success and Fulfillment.

You can be dragged along by your choices or be drawn by inspiration.

You can be dragged along by your choices or be drawn by inspiration.
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These pull factors will either lead you towards a powerful future or keep you stagnant, or even cause you to slip backwards.

Few people have an action plan for their lives.

It is difficult to plan for the future let alone what to have for dinner tomorrow night.

Life often has other plans, throwing up a set of unexpected detours.

Without a plan you are likely to be controlled by external forces.

Stand up to External Distractions

Reflect on the previous week where you intended to complete a goal or project and were derailed by unimportant matters.

Few people stick to their plan without allowing trivial matters to get in the way.

You are continually being shaped by outside forces not of your choosing. You simply must stay vigilant towards your long-term commitments if you wish to realise success.

“Stuff happens.” There are things we may or may not have control over, but the one thing we do have absolute control over is how we respond or react. This is the power of conscious and present-minded choice. This action alone helps shape our destiny, according to author Dennis Merritt Jones in Your Redefining Moments: Becoming Who You Were Born to Be.

If you want to take ownership of your life, prioritise what matters.

Often, this means saying no to people or situations that contradict your goals.

To illustrate this key point, as an author it is important I carve out time daily to write and hone my craft. This often means working undisturbed during the morning into lunchtime when my thoughts are conducive to being creative.

However, I am often distracted by phone calls, emails or requests from people. Yet, I resist the temptation to yield to these external forces because my priority is writing.

Stephen Pressfield, author of The War of Art offers this insight: “Resistance cannot be seen, touched, heard, or smelled. But it can be felt. We experience it as an energy field radiating from a work-in-potential… Its aim is to shove us away, distract us, and prevent us from doing our work.”

Prioritise Your Time

You need to be selfish with your time. Otherwise you will be diverted by unimportant matters and regret you didn’t manage your time better.

Selfishness in this context means prioritising what is of value to you.

Similarly, it is important to break out of routines and habits every now and again.

Whilst habits are effective most of the time, you’ll need to organise unplanned activities that bring you joy and happiness.

This may include participating in an unplanned activity at the last minute. The key is to dictate your terms and not allow others to control your time.

“When life knocks you down, try to land on your back because if you can look up, you can get up.” — Eric Thomas

“…giving up our need to control events and force outcomes makes us available to the full power of flow. It can move through us and help us accomplish things even greater than we had planned,” states author Charlene Belitz and Meg Lundstrom in The Power of Flow: Practical Ways to Transform Your Life with Meaningful Coincidence.

In previous articles I’ve spoken of the pain pleasure principle whereby people are motivated to seek pleasure or escape pain.

The problem with the latter is that this type of people seldom finds fulfilment because they run away from what they don’t want, instead of leaning towards what they desire.

Therefore, commit to pursuing whatever brings you closer to pleasure through your choices and actions.

Avoid being dictated by commitments and obligation because you will regret it when life is not enjoyable anymore.

Leadership experts talk of establishing boundaries. I recommend connecting with your core principles instead since this will lead you to make choices in alignment with them.

Start the Day as You Want it to Unfold

Also of importance is how you start the day. Give attention to important matters early in the day and don’t succumb to external noise.

I perform a set of rituals first thing in the morning, including reading inspirational texts from books, exercising or stretching, followed by meditation.

These rituals range anywhere from five to twenty minutes and will enhance your outlook for the rest of the day. The key is to establish a positive mindset when your feet hit the ground after waking up.

I enjoy the advice by author Bernard Roth in The Achievement Habit: Stop Wishing, Start Doing, and Take Command of Your Life: “By choosing the meaning we give to the people and things in our environment, ultimately we control our own experiences, no matter what work we are doing.”

If you want a fulfilling life, do away with interference and create your experience on your terms. The start of the day is the most conducive time for priming your outlook for how the rest of the day will follow.

You are the commander of your life and the organisation called YOU. You are responsible for creating positive moods you enjoy.

You are the commander of your life and the organisation called YOU. You are responsible for creating…
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Some say it is unrealistic to be positive all the time because unpleasant situations will often arise. You might experience bad moods because of these. This may be true for five to ten percent of the time.

However, barring the death of a loved one or a major illness you can create a positive attitude instead of reacting to external conditions.

I assure you it is within your power.

Be vigilant however, that you don’t relinquish your power to others because they will take advantage given the opportunity. Not because they are callous, but if you are not respectful of your own time, others will know this and use it to their benefit.

Prioritise what matters or other people will make the choice for you.

I’ve often repeated: we coach others how to treat us.

“But, sadly, many people never tap into the vast amount of power they have to design the aspects of their lives that they can control. They drift along, leaving things to chance, and then wonder why life never seems to turn out well. And when things inevitably do go wrong, they drop their heads in defeat, accepting their misfortune, telling themselves there’s nothing to be done about it,” avows author Kyra Bobinet MD MPH in Well Designed Life: 10 Lessons in Brain Science & Design Thinking for a Mindful, Healthy, & Purposeful Life.

It is possible to take your life back and unsubscribe from the drama of everyday living.

It must come from a commitment to honour what is important and letting go of distractions if you wish to live passionately.

It is within your reach, so don’t settle for second best because that is what you’re likely to get if you pursue something less than what you are capable of.

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Why We Must Stand United As One, Now More Than Ever

“It’s not in numbers, but in unity that our greatest strength lies.”—Thomas Paine

A Cohesive Future

A lion prowled in a field occupied by four bulls.

He repeatedly tried to attack them but to no avail. Whenever the lion approached, they turned their tails to one another – so from whichever direction he advanced, he was met by their horns.

However, one day a quarrel broke out amongst the bulls, and each went off to pasture alone in a separate corner of the field.

Soon after the lion charged, killing all four bulls one by one.

Aesop’s fable depicts how strength in numbers can deceive the most cunning of attackers.

‘United we stand, divided we fall’ as the aphorism states.

There have been countless changes in recent times that have left people demoralised and uncertain about the world to come.

These changes highlight the instability of world and economic conditions.

The cynic will focus their attention on the negativity. The optimist however, realises it is laying the groundwork for something more important to emerge.

Upheaval has existed throughout history, taking on the form of economic and political conflicts, and changing with it the landscape of mankind.

I believe that what is taking place now is paving the way for reform in the expected future.

It is remiss of me to predict what changes will arise, as I have little idea where they will lead. But based on history, something significant is bound to be unfolding.

During times of uncertainty, people overreact and experience anxiety because they are consumed by the problem and not prepared to wait for events to settle.

Our negativity bias sets in because we are unaware of what is taking place behind the scenes; whether desirable or unfavourable.

Now more than ever, we must unify our efforts and set aside our cultural diversity, religion and socio-economic backgrounds to build a cohesive future.

Now more than ever, we must unify our efforts and set aside our cultural diversity, religion and…
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Instead of being dictated to by our differences, we must find commonalities in order to flourish beyond the next century.

I am not speaking of a new world order because where there are gains in terms of power, economic greed is bound to be present.

“The consciousness of unity, cooperation, and reverence for life and the planet will be one of the most significant influences upon society as we approach the challenges and uncertainties of twenty-first-century living,” affirms author Dennis Merritt Jones in Your Redefining Moments: Becoming Who You Were Born to Be.

What I am proposing is to restore your power rather than pretend you are insignificant and are being taken advantage of by the prevailing political scene.

This is not about opposing governments nor overthrowing the establishment, but centres on something much simpler: redeeming your authority as individuals.

The Power Of One

You may think there’s little you can do. Nevertheless, I wish to remind you of those throughout history who have influenced society through their single-minded commitment.

Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela all created a new paradigm for peace, equality and non-violence. They laid the framework that shaped our perspective as citizens of the world.

So, what does unity look like?

For one, it does not involve protesting because you oppose what is already contested. Instead, it means uniting on matters via a peaceful stance, however small that might be.

“Even the weak become strong when they are united.” — Friedrich von Schiller

The size of your protest is not indicative of its potential to be heard.

The consistency of the message, however, determines its significance.

For instance, some who oppose climate change suggest it is fabricated propaganda while environmental scientists suggest global warming is a serious threat.

It is difficult for the ordinary person to make sense of the truth. For behind the rhetoric of misinformation and misguided people, are those intent to capitalise personally and economically.

Unity means joining together as a world population around common values, not for economic reasons alone.

These comprise the refugee crisis, climate change, unemployment, gender equality, international trade and relations and health care, to single out just a few.

I enjoy author Gregg Braden’s perspective in his book Secrets of the Lost Mode of Prayer: “On the other hand, if we can view ourselves from a perspective of unity, appreciation, wisdom, and love, then these are the qualities that we may expect to see mirrored as loving, supportive families and communities, and peace and cooperation between nations.”

We must put aside our indifferences, our intolerances, our prejudices, our hate, our ambivalence and inaction to stand for what is important.

We must think globally and act locally, knowing full well it will impact others around the world.

It starts with compassionate thoughts towards our fellow man, echoed by the Dalai Lama who said, “Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.”

We must avoid thinking about what is wrong with other races, religions or groups of people. That is a defeatist belief because we fixate on trivial matters and fail to consider an integrated outlook.

Unity Is The Answer

It was Scottish businessman Thomas Dewar who said, “Minds are like parachutes, they only function when open.”

We must keep an open mind and not hold so firmly to our opinions, presuming we are right and others are wrong.

We must keep an open mind and not hold so firmly to our opinions, presuming we are right and others…
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Nothing is certain, even your own views and beliefs are subject to interpretation.

You might ask, if I cannot stand by my opinions how will I recognise what is important anymore?

It lies in seeing past them to embrace the unity of the whole rather than the fragmented parts.

“The small mind always perceives separation, but we are never separated from the Great Mind. The unconscious, on the other hand, is able to perceive the connectedness and unity of all that exists,” avows author Colette Baron Reid in Uncharted: The Journey Through Uncertainty to Infinite Possibility.

To focus on smaller matters is easy because it seems we are making progress, yet it detracts from what is important to the whole of humanity.

I invite you to stop thinking of yourself as alienated and consider yourself to be the ocean instead of the drop in the ocean.

This way, you are likely to pay attention to the bigger picture and your efforts will reflect this, leading to unification.

Alternative medicine advocate and author Larry Dossey M.D reminds us in One Mind: How Our Individual Mind Is Part of a Greater Consciousness and Why It Matters, “Individuality is a valuable complement to connectedness and unity, but in excess it can lead to an overblown sense of self and obstruct the felt realization that we are united with one another and all things. Or, as D. H. Lawrence trenchantly put it, “Hate is not the opposite of love, the opposite of love is individuality.”

We must not succumb to the influence of hate, injustice, bigotry and violence just because our species will be defined by this ideology in the years to come.

We must transcend our divided parts and concentrate on the whole because unity is what holds the key to humanity’s freedom.

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How To Develop Amazing Confidence In All Aspects Of Life

“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.” — Helen Keller

Can You Feign Confidence?

In order to develop amazing confidence in aspects of life, you’ll need to relinquish the need for control and allow life to lead you where it needs to.

After all, confidence is a state of mind whereby your attitudes and beliefs correspond with your actions.

It appears in many forms, although you can easily recognise it in someone’s body language and verbal cues.

Life can impair your confidence during difficult times. Moreover, you may have faced hardships long ago which may affect parts of your present life.

“Confidence is a somatic memory of competence. Interestingly, research shows that even if we have an inflated sense of that earlier competence, it still serves as a resource of confidence now,” states Linda Graham MFT in Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well.

You cannot feign confidence.

Perhaps for the short-term. But over the long-term, confidence must originate from within and be accompanied by a desire for self-improvement.

To develop confidence, take massive action frequently. It is no use sitting back hoping for things to change while doing little about it.

To develop confidence, take massive action frequently. It is no use sitting back hoping for things…
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Action creates momentum and reinforces your self-belief, and it’s feedback from minor successes that contributes to lasting confidence.

Many believe a confident leader is an extrovert, one who is self-important although this is usually not the case.

Confident people have a high emotional intelligence (EQ) and are empathic, compassionate and modest. This flies in the face of what narcissists consider confident; one who is self-involved and regards their personal achievements over others.

It is sensible to cultivate a compassionate side and nurture it if you wish to gain confidence in life.

The Power Of Positive Self Talk

Your inner talk should reflect a success mindset because you get to be your own motivator and leader. It is vital to approach this with the right frame of mind, rather than exercising military-style motivation, which only works temporarily.

Setbacks and disappointments are inevitable in the game of life. Do not allow frustrations to impact your confidence, but accept them as feedback.

Successful people have overcome innumerable obstacles and prevailed.

“Confidence allows you to sail into the uncharted places, and meet up with those dragons without having to get burned,” affirms author Colette Baron Reid in Uncharted: The Journey Through Uncertainty to Infinite Possibility.

Be familiar with your internal dialogue. Look for possibilities within your failures, and I assure you there is something to be gained even in the direst conditions.

Successful people see opportunity in the bleakest conditions and take advantage of it, leaving no time to contemplate what might have been.

Confidence arises when you connect with your deepest intentions and pursue it vehemently.

“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” — Mark Twain

You cannot help but grow passionately towards something you enjoy. The better you become, the more confidence you will gain.

This will flow into other areas of your life as well, so if you are confident in your career this is likely to reflect in other life zones.

Confidence means being content with your uncertainties and shortcomings. It involves working in partnership with these attributes but not allowing them to subdue you.

To build lasting confidence, develop a degree of focus, commitment and dedication. Find an unwavering commitment to see something through until the end.

Those who give up halfway, take a blow to their confidence because they reinforce a defeatist attitude. However, even if you fail yet see the task through to completion you’ll grow confident knowing you’re moving closer to victory.

Author Larry Weidel says in Serial Winner: 5 Actions to Create Your Cycle of Success, “The best form of confidence is the confidence that comes from achievement.”

An Unwavering Commitment

Self-confidence proceeds from pursuing goals greater than yourself and maturing into them. Whilst you may or may not succeed, the personal growth that takes place is paramount to the person you will become.

Ultimately, confidence appears as you inch closer to victory, rather than admit defeat.

Develop a growth mindset instead of a fixed mindset advocates Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck. She states, “A remarkable thing I’ve learned from my research is that in the growth mindset, you don’t always need confidence.”

I spoke earlier of the need to cultivate powerful self-talk. This is a catalyst for the confident person because they prime their subconscious mind to be on the lookout for success.

To build lasting confidence, develop a degree of focus, commitment and dedication. Find an…
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Motivational speaker Tony Robbins believes that success leaves clues.

Referring to the fixed mindset, those who torment themselves because of previous failures focus on their faults instead of the lessons gained. This delays progress because attention is given to what is not working, which then becomes a person’s reference point.

Amazing confidence stems from knowing yourself beyond the superficial likes and dislikes. You understand aspects of your character and manage your weaknesses while exploiting your strengths.

In Steven Covey’s acclaimed book, The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People two habits emerge essential to lasting confidence: Be Proactive and Put First Things First.

The proactive person takes charge of their life. They are accountable for their actions and make decisions based on the outcomes, regardless of whether they are successful.

To Put First Things First, manage yourself to the best of your ability and concentrate on what is important. Prioritise your day-to-day activities in the pursuit of your objectives with an unwavering commitment, notwithstanding impediments and roadblocks.

Remember, “Confidence is the belief that no matter what happens, you’ll find a way,” author Larry Weidel reminds us.

Confidence arises when you overcome your limitations.

This requires conquering your fears so they don’t overpower you. What you give life to occupies importance in your mind.

I enjoy the wisdom echoed by author Bernard Roth in The Achievement Habit: Stop Wishing, Start Doing and Take Command of Your Life:  “Make a pact with yourself to not use reasons unless you have to. This is actually an incredibly empowering position to come from. Be confident enough in your actions not to need to explain yourself. Trust yourself and act.”

With that premise, I invite you to find the confidence to live a truly amazing life with a powerful state of mind.

The post How To Develop Amazing Confidence In All Aspects Of Life appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

How To Stop Fearing The Worst And Expect Better Outcomes

“One is never afraid of the unknown; one is afraid of the known coming to an end.” — Jiddu Krishnamurti

Negativity Bias

People fear the worst in most situations due to an inherent negativity bias.

Your mind will give greater importance to your survival and happiness, and therefore whatever disrupts this is awarded more attention.

The mind’s negativity bias is an evolutionary system that has helped humans survive throughout history. It allowed early man to endure the external elements, yet it can also become habitual and a difficult mechanism to switch off.

People tend to expect the worst in a situation, and are generally adamant they’re right if the event comes to pass – and thus a vicious cycle ensues.

Whilst you cannot control what happens, you can control your response to it.

Holocaust survivor Victor Frankl espouses this idea in Man’s Search For Meaning: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Fear and anxiety are old foes that feed off each other. However, being aware of your predominant thoughts helps you know what you are giving your attention to.

Fear is a tale told by the mind and kept alive through repeated thoughts.

Fear is a tale told by the mind and kept alive through repeated thoughts.
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“When life gets scary and difficult, we tend to look for solutions in places where it is easy or at least familiar to do so, and not in the dark, uncomfortable places where real solutions might lie,” affirms author Robert Maurer in One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way.

Thoughts Are Not Your Enemy

The same mind that forms negative thoughts also creates empowering thoughts. It is merely a matter of choosing what you lean your attention towards.

Thoughts are not the enemy, they are non-material episodes projected onto the mind through consciousness. It is when you attach meaning to the thoughts that they lead you into a dark place.

There are many factors that account for fearful thoughts, including lack of sleep, genetics, poor diet, illness, substance and alcohol abuse as well as low self-esteem, to name a few.

Sometimes, external events can play a role and you may be prone to heightened anxiety and depression.

Depression is defined as a persistent low mood lasting more than two weeks. It includes a state of melancholy and may be accompanied by a range of physical and emotional symptoms.

If you suffer from depression or anxiety, your thoughts may not be in harmony with your true self. It is important to recognise this instead of bowing to these emotional states.

“Whatever your storyteller does to attempt to get rid of fear only causes more fear. So the way out of fear is to get to know it through your heart,” states author Mary O’Malley in What’s in the Way Is the Way: A Practical Guide for Waking Up to Life.

Reframing Your Thoughts

To expect a better outcome, reframe your thoughts and move in the new direction.

Expand your horizons, instead of castigating yourself.

Self-compassion is shown to boost self-esteem, leading in turn to better decision-making.

“The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of Hell, a hell of Heaven.” — John Milton

How might you console a family member, a friend or a colleague in a similar position?

I’m certain you would not deride them, rather you’d encourage them to consider their circumstances through a new lens?

To stop fearing the worst, avoid ruminating on negative thoughts and move your attention into your body.

To stop fearing the worst, avoid ruminating on negative thoughts and move your attention into your…
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Notice your breath and the ebb and flow it creates while sitting in silence.

You might even meditate on the sound of your breath to further calm your nervous system.

You cannot make rational decisions when your mind is trapped in negative thinking. The key is to flip the switch and shift your physical state from stressed to calm.

Matt Kahn, author of Whatever Arises, Love That: A Love Revolution That Begins with You notes: “On a cellular level, whenever a person has an emotional reaction, their nervous system is releasing layers of conditioning.”

Trying to reason with anxious thoughts is like grappling with a sumo wrestler; you are bound to lose.

Acceptance Leads To Inner Peace

Accept your thoughts, however intense they might be but don’t buy into the narrative they promote.

Acceptance means dropping any resistance to what is taking place. From a place of non-resistance arises power to transform your inner struggle in harmony with your highest good.

When you oppose what is taking place, your mind considers it a threat to your survival. So, drop any opposition and let your thoughts take you where they need to go.

“Any pattern of mental events that we repeat and become familiar with will become a predominant pattern in our life. Why? Because we feed that pattern and recharge it with our attention. That is why it has power. It is not because that pattern is real. It is just because we think it is real and respond accordingly,” avows Buddhist teacher Orgyen Chowang in Our Pristine Mind: A Practical Guide to Unconditional Happiness.

Journaling is a powerful tool to help you get thoughts out of your mind and onto paper while observing their main theme.

Often, thoughts pass through the mind at such a quick rate they become runaway thoughts. You cannot recognise them, let alone recall them.

Journaling can help you see the true nature of your thoughts, so they no longer wreak havoc in your life.

Knowledge, awareness and taking the right action are useful tools to stop fearing the worst in most situations.

Gradually, you will realise that external conditions are not the source of your negative thoughts, but your own reaction and the meaning you assign to them.

It is possible to find peace and contentment within yourself and not consider the worst case scenario.

It starts by renewing your commitment to change your perspective and uphold this new image.

Sooner or later, you will realise your projected image of fear is nothing more than a tale told by a frightened mind instead of an empowered being.

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Why Life Is A Mirror Reflecting Your Inner World

“Life is a mirror and will reflect back to the thinker what he thinks into it.”—Ernest Holmes

Self-reflection

“Why are you so wary of thought?” said the philosopher. “Thought is the only way we have for organising the world.”

“True. But thought can organise the world so well that you are no longer able to see it.”

To his disciples he later said. “A thought is a screen, not a mirror; that is why you live in a thought envelope, untouched by Reality.”

This delightful tale by Anthony de Mello underscores the message; life is a filter reflecting your innermost thoughts.

People consider their problems to come from outside conditions. They try in vain to change the world surrounding them in hope things will improve. This seldom works because their thoughts are out of alignment.

It was the French-born novelist Anais Nin who said, “You do not see the world as it is. You see it as you are.”

What you hold in mind comes to life irrespective of your preferences.

What you hold in mind comes to life irrespective of your preferences.
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Life is a mirror; its reflection shines your image back to you.

“External conditions mirror internal conditions, so straightening your room settles internal disorder” affirms authors Charlene Belitz and Meg Lundstrom in, The Power of Flow: Practical Ways to Transform Your Life with Meaningful Coincidence.

If you agree the world is volatile, you will look for evidence to substantiate this.

You might tune into the news and hear of unfortunate incidents that confirm your beliefs.

The Power Of Belief

However, other people claim life is wonderful and attract pleasant experiences as a result. They are not Pollyannaish but choose happiness over adversity.

So, here we have two people attracting different circumstances.

It is because their predominant beliefs dictate their reality.

You are continually shaping the world around you as a result of conscious and unconscious thoughts. Reality is but a mirror reflecting on your inner world.

If you entertain distorted thoughts, correct them to align with the truth. If you don’t, they are likely to lead you down the rabbit hole of despair.

The choice is yours. Reality brings forth external conditions according to your thoughts.

Life is neither fair nor unfair. It merely provides confirmation of your thoughts as the user and experiencer.

I enjoy author Michael Neill’s perspective in, The Space Within: Finding Your Way Back Home, “Since our experience of life is really an experience of Thought, the more we have on our mind, the more complicated everything seems, and the more the aperture of our consciousness tends to contract. Before we know it, all we can see when we look out into the world is our own thinking reflected back to us in the fun-house mirror of our own self-consciousness.”

Consider those who were once ill and become healthy again, when their thoughts begin to mirror a new health consciousness.

It was Albert Einstein who said, “We cannot solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them.”

It makes sense to examine your thoughts to improve your conditions.

Free Will or Free Choice?

Life abounds due to its dualistic nature of equal and opposites.

The day gives way to the night and each complement the other. If there were only night, how would you appreciate the light of day?

Some people hold strongly to the notion of free will. I am of the opinion it is the illusion of free will, whereby our unconscious beliefs are being reflected to us as free choice.

“Our environment, the world in which we live and work, is a mirror of our attitudes and expectations.”—Earl Nightingale

What I mean is, your choices are the result of deep-seated beliefs from a young age. Your beliefs are unconscious because they are formed during an impressionable period. You had little choice in the matter because your upbringing was not of your control.

Life offers you feedback to the congruency of your thoughts, so you can take action to correct them.

“Think of the outer environment as a mirror of your inner environment. When you see something on the outside, such as an event or situation, look inside yourself for the reflection, the parallel, the connection,” state authors Charlene Belitz and Meg Lundstrom.

Many people are dogmatic in their thinking and consider their thoughts are fixed. This is erroneous because millions of people have overcome limiting beliefs to create empowering lives.

Your life is a sequence of: outcomes, symbols and shadows. Good or bad moments do not exist. Reality provides you feedback to help you right the wrong and create new circumstances based on a shift in awareness.

Personal development and self-improvement becomes the vehicle towards lasting change, if you are prepared to do the inner work.

The obstacle becomes your path.

The journey shows the way.

You are the master of your fate. Should you resign yourself to victim, life will assuredly offer you evidence of this.

You are the master of your fate. Should you resign yourself to victim, life will assuredly offer you…
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Free choice means life is neutral and ready to respond to your thoughts.

You are playing a game in which many are unaware of the rules.

Thoughts Create The Future

You are creating the future with each new thought. This is a powerful faculty to override circumstances you do not wish to carry forward.

American author Neale Donald Walsch reminds us, “Life proceeds out of your intentions for it. This is the fuel that drives the engine of creation in your life.”

Negative thoughts shine the light on your unconscious mind. They contain lessons to enhance your personal evolution and create a new reality.

Life is a miraculous entity based on universal laws. When you abide by them, you co-create circumstances under these laws.

If you align with negativity, you attract that into your reality.

The cynic finds this unwelcoming, but the optimist recognises it as an opportunity to correct their thoughts.

American author and speaker Byron Katie affirms in Loving What Is: How Four Questions Can Change Your Life, “The world is the mirror image of your mind. If you experience chaos and confusion inside, your external world has to reflect that. You have to see what you believe because you are the confused thinker looking out and seeing yourself. You are the interpreter of everything, and if you’re chaotic, what you hear and see has to be chaos.”

People seldom investigate their thoughts. If it isn’t broke, don’t fix it they proclaim.

If you do not examine your fundamental thoughts, they will become habitual. As creatures of habit this is bound to show up in your reality sooner or later.

Life is a by-product of what you hold in mind.

As within so without states the Hermetic aphorism.

The Master conveyed to his disciples, a thought is a screen, not a mirror.

You live in the landscape of your thoughts until they merge to become reality.

Choose your thoughts wisely while healing the unconscious because life has a way of catching up to you if you are unaware.

It is my hope you enjoy what unfolds and become awake to the natural flow of life.

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3 Ways To Make The Process Of Achieving Goals More Important

“It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.”—Ernest Hemingway

To accomplish all your goals focus on the process instead of the prize.

What do I mean by process?

You know the importance of goal setting. From early on you have been encouraged to set goals and work towards them.

Self-help books, blogs, articles, and master classes are devoted to coaching people how to set goals in a simple process.

They protest against setting unrealistic goals since you’re less likely to achieve them. Goals should be accurate and written on paper they claim.

What if I suggested that this approach doesn’t work in most instances?

Have I still got your attention?

Great, let’s continue.

The reason goal setting alone is not conducive is because we have little knowledge of what our efforts are likely to produce.

The reason goal setting alone is not conducive is because we have little knowledge of what our…
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What use is a goal if not effective?

Doesn’t it defeat the purpose of setting goals?

Actor and filmmaker Woody Allen summed it perfectly when he said, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”

Irrespective of your religious faith the underlying message is, life never goes according to plan.

“I learned by observation that people who pursued extraordinarily unlikely goals were overly optimistic at best, delusional at worst, and just plain stupid most of the time,” affirms author and creator of the Dilbert comic strip Scott Adams in, How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big: Kind of the Story of My Life.

Enriching the lives of others is considered a valuable measure of selfless pursuit.

“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.”—Zig Ziglar

How you achieve this, depends on whether you align with a greater purpose. Some people pursue their purpose inspiring others such as Mother Teresa and Gandhi, who impacted humanity through their charitable work.

There is no single measure of what constitutes fulfilling goals other than how they make you feel.

The following principles are worth considering so the process of achieving goals becomes more important.

Don’t Be Fixed On The Destination: When you focus on the destination alone, you forgo the good things that take place in-between. You are wired to thrive. It is formed into your DNA to rise above your perceived limitations. I know it may not seem that way. Instead of being resentful of not reaching your destination, enjoy the process of working towards your goals. Before long, conditions will turn out better than expected if you shift your attention away from the outcome every once in a while.

Author Jeff Olson states in The Slight Edge: Secret to a Successful Life, “Here is the amazing thing—and I’ve seen this happen so many times, yet it never ceases to fill me with awe: when you set your goals, life has a way of rearranging itself, a series of events starts in motion that you could never have predicted or planned, to get you there.”

Take Your Eyes Off The Prize: Have you ever set a goal to lose weight with a fixed number in mind? Recall how you chose this figure? I’m certain you applied little logic other than knowing it felt right. What if you reframed the goal to become healthy instead? Would that place you in a better position to achieve your goal? You will be surprised to not only lose weight, but your health improves clearing up issues that plagued you for years.

There is a better way of achieving goals other than the usual methods espoused. The key is not being fixed on a particular result, but allowing the process to unfold in due course. Sadly, less than 10% of people reach their goals because excuses and life impedes attaining them. The message is simple, reframe your goals to become process orientated.

The message is simple, reframe your goals to become process orientated.
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Author Larry Weidel states in, Serial Winner: 5 Actions to Create Your Cycle of Success. “I have watched so many people work so hard for a goal, putting in tremendous amounts of blood, sweat, and tears. And then, for one reason or another, they get overwhelmed and quit. The big disaster is that their personal investment is washed away and they never receive the benefit of all their hard work.”

Enjoy The Process: I attended a money management workshop some time ago with valuable insights. The presenter proposed spending money buying experiences instead of material objects. He reasoned, experiences leave an indelible mark on us and contribute to our long term happiness. They add to the rich tapestry of life as distinct to buying material objects. YouTube blogger Casey Neistat makes a point of devoting an entire episode to this principle in a recent video, What’s Most Important.

Applying this rule to goals, buy the process instead of the destination. Buy rewarding life experiences that support your goals, instead of being fixed on the result. A virtue of success is an inherent curiosity. It is a child-like fascination using your mind’s natural ability to find answers to questions. Be immersed in your surroundings and in the moments you may be too busy to notice. Invest in life and it will return wisely on your investment.

Don’t fall into the trap Vishen Lakhiani espouses, “Too many of us pursue goals we think will make us happy—only to wake up one day in our forties, wondering what on earth happened to us as we find ourselves stuck in uninspiring, boring, stagnant lives. How does this happen?”

Successful people are adaptable and know when to pivot to reach their goals. They are open to challenges and do not get trapped in dogmatic thinking.

Take your foot off the throttle every now and again and slip into cruise control. You will arrive at your destination, regardless. The speed at which you pursue your goals is not a measure of fulfillment.

Afterall, the journey becomes the process and life unfolds as you never thought possible.

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How Mindfulness Can Help You Reduce Stress

“Mindfulness helps you go home to the present. And every time you go there and recognize a condition of happiness that you have, happiness comes.” — Thich Nhat Hanh

The Scourge of Modern Life

Chances are, if you are reading this right now you have access to electricity, an internet connection and a smartphone.

You live in the industrialised world and have been affected by stress at some point in your life.

Stress in modern times is unavoidable.

It is the frontier for worry and anxiety, reflecting the conditions our ancestors faced on the plains of the Savannah centuries ago.

The mention of stress has found its way into everyday use, teenagers now use the term to describe rising stress levels studying for mid-term exams.

But are we stressed or feigning the symptoms to drawn attention to our struggles?

One thing is certain, stress is real. Yet how your body interprets it varies from person to person.

One thing is certain, stress is real. Yet how your body interprets it varies from person to person.
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In fact, your tolerance for stress is different to a trained Navy Seal soldier. Yet, we can all agree, when pushed beyond our stress point, our health declines.

The good news is, we can use mindfulness to help us navigate the torrents of stress and manage our lives better.

Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way; with purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgementally.

It helps you cope with life’s challenges by being present and inhabiting your body with attentiveness. This is in contrast to runaway thoughts which pass through your mind without your conscious awareness.

“Mindfulness — the steady, non-judgmental awareness and acceptance of experience — leads to self-awareness and to shifts in our perspectives that allow us to see clearly what’s happening and how we are reacting, to respond to triggers and traumas with far more open-mindedness, and to face the process of necessary change with far more flexibility and tolerance,” affirms author Linda Graham MFT in, Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well-Being.

Lurking Beneath Surface

Practising mindfulness can help you reduce stress because it shifts your autonomic nervous system from a stressed state to a calm state.

As you are reading this, there are minor stresses taking place in the background you are unaware of, yet your subconscious mind is attentive to.

Stress is insidious. It lurks beneath the surface and strikes when you least expect it, carrying with it accumulated stress from the past which can tip you over the edge.

I liken it to a sequinned pearl necklace, cut at one point and left to unravel into pieces. Stress has the same effect causing life to crumble if left untreated.

Mindfulness can help you cope with the habitual patterns of thinking that dominate your everyday life.

“The practice of mindfulness — training the brain to focus its attention and to strengthen conscious awareness — allows us to see our conditioned patterns of response clearly so that we can get unstuck from them when we need to,” avows Linda Graham MFT.

Mindfulness helps you notice the stream of thoughts passing through your mind moment to moment.

It is a means to check in with yourself to notice what is taking place beneath the surface of your thoughts.

You may be prone to reacting to external conditions, yet seldom take the time to note your emotional well-being. It is often too late when you sense something is wrong because an emotional crisis has occurred.

Your thoughts can pull you into the past, where you re-experience uninviting events.

You are not present, but recalling a mental screenplay taken place long ago.

“Don’t let your mind bully your body into believing it must carry the burden of its worries.” — Astrid Alauda

This becomes a stressor because you bring unresolved emotions into your interactions with others, contaminating the beauty of the present moment.

“But any time you let your thoughts, worries, and stresses dictate how you experience this moment, you inevitably suffer, because you’re in conflict with reality, with truth. Rather than dancing with life, you’re in a wrestling match—and the outcome of the struggle isn’t in doubt,” declares author Hugh G. Byrne in, The Here-and-Now Habit: How Mindfulness Can Help You Break Unhealthy Habits Once and for All.

Carving Out Time for Silence

Mindfulness can go a long way when you devote regular time for silence.

This is attained through meditation and the sensations created in the body.

Meditation anchors your mind to the present moment, so you become attentive to your present moment experience.

It is important not to fight your thoughts or add a commentary to what you feel, but allow yourself to connect with your feelings.

As you become comfortable sitting in silence, you may wish to advanced your practice via structured meditation. This is ideal to strengthen your knowledge and take you into a deeper meditative state.

The benefits of meditation allow you to detach from your thoughts. You become a silent witness and less invested in the stream of activity created in the mind.

You are less reactive because you interact with what is taking place before you.

Stress abounds because people believe their thoughts.

So, if you are driving home after a hostile encounter with your boss or colleague, and an inconsiderate motorist cuts you off in traffic, you offer them a piece of your mind.

Yet, by practising mindfulness you become attuned to the physical sensations of anger before you retaliate since you are mindful of your emotional state.

Linda Graham MFT affirms, “Mindful awareness — observing and reflecting — allows us to step back from the experience of the moment and observe it from a larger field of awareness that is not any of those experiences, that is larger than any of those patterns. With that awareness, we can begin to see different possibilities for responding.”

Mindfulness has a positive effect on your relationships. Your emotional well-being is enriched, instead of succumbing to external stimuli.

The success of mindfulness-based stress reduction lies in noting your thoughts non-judgmentally, through the eyes of equanimity and compassion.

The success of mindfulness-based stress reduction lies in noting your thoughts non-judgmentally,…
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In doing so, you recognise thoughts pass through the landscape of your mind and they needn’t turn into negative emotions.

We are heavily invested in our thoughts and have a negativity bias when challenged. This is an evolutionary mechanism to help us make sense of our environment.

So, when thoughts, feelings or sensations emerge, don’t ignore them or suppress them, nor analyse or judge them.

Note them as they occur and observe them intentionally but non-judgmentally, moment by moment, in your field of awareness.

If your mind wanders say to yourself, “wandering” and bring your attention back to the present moment.

If you wish to be happy and live a peaceful life, be mindful of your thoughts before they lead you down a perilous path.

Stressful thoughts are not the source of your happiness, but a by-product of unconscious thinking left to run wild.

Mindfulness helps you to reduce stress because it anchors you to the present moment where your body inhabits.

Afterall, if your body is present doesn’t it make sense that your mind also be here and now?

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Why You Should Stop Boasting About How Busy You Are

“Beware the barrenness of a busy life.” — Socrates

An Accomplished Life

“Hi Tom, how are you?”

“I’m well Jane, just extremely busy.”

“Oh, I’m glad to hear you’re keeping busy then.”

“Yes, I’m flat out at the moment.”

The above interaction is one that takes place between people on a daily basis.

But what is behind the busyness?

Is it a way to deflect attention from what really matters?

People brag about their busy lives to highlight themselves living an accomplished life to their peers.

People brag about their busy lives to highlight themselves living an accomplished life to their…
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Similarly, they may wish to communicate how meaningful their work is and so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Being occupied implies oneself is consumed with matters of significance. That is why people state their busyness, to have you know they are important.

Busy people struggle to keep their attention in the present moment because their focus lies in future events and planning for the next project.

“We become active and busy, but this doesn’t actually move us any closer to success. Activity is often unrelated to productivity, and busyness rarely takes care of business,” states authors Gary Keller and Jay Papasan in, The One Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results.

I question those who have a hectic schedule as a method to divert their attention from connecting with their core self.

The title quote by the Greek philosopher Socrates, invites you to be wary of a busy life which can be barren.

The busy person is disconnected from others, simply because their attention is focussed on their own commitments. There is the impression of a purposeless life, masked behind the facade of a frantic lifestyle.

Busyness can be reframed to imply your pursuits are purposeful instead of busy.

Gary Keller and Jay Papasan affirm, “Don’t focus on being busy; focus on being productive. Allow what matters most to drive your day.”

Busy or Just Unproductive?

You can be busy but not productive and still chase your tail.

Beneath the busyness lies the unconscious desire to be rewarded for hard work.

People believe being preoccupied is impressive and associated with status. You must be pursuing something prestigious, otherwise you wouldn’t be busy.

I’m reminded of an episode in the Seinfeld sitcom where the character George Costanza, played by Jason Alexander, walks around the office looking annoyed. He realises that being busy is associated with stress and works hard to uphold this facade.

He appears irritated, causing his supervisor; Mr. Wilhelm to fear George is cracking under the pressure of his work.

While this scenario is fictional, it shows how people unconsciously use busyness to draw attention to themselves.

“It is not enough to be busy. So are the ants. The question is: What are we busy about?”—Henry David Thoreau

Similarly, you may believe multitasking is indicative of productivity. Busyness implies being on top of things which is often the furthest thing from the truth.

“Productivity isn’t about being a workhorse, keeping busy or burning the midnight oil…. It’s more about priorities, planning, and fiercely protecting your time,” affirms associate editor at Psych Central, Margarita Tartakovsky.

The busy pandemic comes at a cost to people’s well-being and happiness. You may find it difficult to disconnect from work to spend time with family. These are the pursuits that rejuvenate you instead of deplete you.

Busyness can be a sign of procrastination. It is a smoke screen to cover up being overwhelmed and in need of help to prioritise your life.

Consequently, those in the creative field will tell you they are absorbed in their interests and not busy with work.

It was the late Stephen R Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People who said, “It is possible to be busy—very busy—without being very effective.”

The Demands of a Hectic Schedule

It is vital that you set clear boundaries if you wish to be fulfilled. Busy people find it difficult to say no since they do not wish to offend others or be seen as incapable.

I’m yet to meet a busy person satisfied with their hectic schedule. I’m certain they would trade their frantic life for: less work, more time and money.

Occasionally, you might be pulled by circumstances not of your choosing. Business may unexpectedly increase if you’re self-employed as you try to meet the pressures of growing sales. But that doesn’t mean you are happy if all you are doing is working to provide for the demands of other people.

You have a choice how you spend your time. To claim you are busy is failing to prioritise your time wisely.

You have a choice how you spend your time. To claim you are busy is failing to prioritise your time…
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“Everybody’s busy. Everyone does the actions. But were they the right actions? Were those actions productive? Did you take a step forward? These are questions that most people never take the time to think about,” reminds us author Jeff Olson in, The Slight Edge.

After all, what is the point of being busy and stressed to the point of exhaustion that your health and relationships suffer, just to improve your bottom line?

Surely, there’s a more efficient way to work in the 21st century while enjoying more leisure time?

Busy people are prone to being overwhelmed if they continue to drive themselves hard. It is not healthy to run yourself into the ground and expect to stop at the drop of a hat.

Something must give. That may be as excessive drinking to help you wind down or toxic behaviours such as: compulsive eating, gambling or whatever distracts you from what is important.

We all have the same hours in the day and how you spend it is entirely up to you. Many people squander their time running around believing they are productive, when they are simply busy due to their lack of organisation and prioritisation.

“We are so busy being enticed by our next endeavour that we forget to savour what is already there and could be deeply meaningful. It is useful to remember the adage “The more things change, the more they remain the same” avows author Bernard Roth in, The Achievement Habit: Stop Wishing, Start Doing, and Take Command of Your Life.

A better way to reframe busyness is to state you are productive or engaged in what you are doing. Conversely, communicating you have taken on more than you can handle, is a step towards reclaiming your lost time.

This is not a cry for help, but exposing your vulnerability to those willing to help you better manage your time.

Find ways to be less busy and more engaged so you are in Flow, as the Hungarian psychology Professor, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi espouses.

Busyness is a not indicative of a rewarding life if all you are doing is jumping from one task to the next.

Those who manage their time successfully hold on to it like it was their last breath. They prioritise what is important and so should you.

I invite you to think with the end in mind as Stephen R. Covey conveys in his teachings.

Only then will you appreciate what really matters and worth devoting your time and energy towards.

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