Tony Fahkry's Blog, page 42

What Is Meant To Be Will Always Find A Way

“Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.” ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Why do we wish away the present moment hoping for something better?

Our inattentiveness creates anguish and disappointment, because we’re certain when we get what we want, we’ll be happy.

Yet, when it arrives there’s another desire waiting to take its place.

We’re in the business of wanting more since it’s human nature to seek what is lacking in our lives.

The problem is, we become fixated on wanting and desiring, instead of appreciating what is before us. Hence the cycle of suffering ensues.

If we consider the present moment as perfect, what is meant to be will find its way into our lives effortlessly.

To accept this moment means to appreciate that your present circumstances result from past thoughts and actions.

I’m not suggesting you abandon your desires, rather consider them in a new light.

“One conscious moment of introspection can yield huge lifelong benefits; simply by breaking old patterns of disbelief, and courageously believing – knowing – that you are meant to be here, and that your life has meaning,” states author Robbie Vorhaus in One Less. One More.

Have you noticed when you hope for something, it seldom occurs as you expect? However, the moment you surrender, it makes its way into your life with little worry.

Most fears stem from expecting life to develop in a particular way. When it fails to materialise, we experience disappointment.

Surely there’s a better way?

It was Albert Einstein who said, “We cannot solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them.” Our distorted thoughts are the cause of our problems, so we transform them to create a better outcome.

We cannot change outside circumstances to please us, so we must change our response to the events.

We cannot change outside circumstances to please us, so we must change our response to the events.
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Reality is not the source of your unhappiness, because reality constantly changes. When outside conditions are not to our liking we are less than satisfied.

What if we reinterpret the unpleasant events of our life?

Every event has the potential to teach us something about our life story. It conveys the wisdom to create a compelling narrative, if we acknowledge our circumstances with openness.

Whether you’re a determinist, a fatalist or believe in free will, you accept there’s an inherent order to life devoid of our control.

Speak to anyone who’s been in a motor vehicle accident and they’ll tell you their world was uprooted in the blink of an eye. Life can change at the drop of a hat, so we ought to be attentive to what we value most.

What is meant to be invites you to let go of the mental struggle that opposes the natural flow of life.

“Some of us might feel that pursuing thoughts of “what might have been” can only focus us on the randomness of the events and thus make it more difficult for us to accept what is. But studies have found the opposite. Rather than eliciting a sense of randomness, thoughts that consider alternatives to the factual realities we’ve experienced (known as counterfactuals) can help us feel like the events were predestined and meant to be, thereby lending them greater meaning,” affirms author Guy Winch.

Not that you need my assurance, but take it regardless – life knows what it’s doing.

I know you may find it difficult to grasp when caught up in unpleasant conditions. Yet life proceeds regardless of your resistance to it.

Through your willingness to embrace your conditions, however painful, you consent to be a co-creator to the experience of life.

Looking back, you no doubt faced setbacks and found your way through them. You developed courage and a compelling inner resolve that firmed your character.

Major change is often precipitated by chaos and disorder, which gives birth to something wonderful. I remind you of the big bang responsible for creating the universe.

Your arrival into this world is attributed to a similar event. Your birthmother no doubt underwent protracted labour to give life to the person you call “I.”

From agony arises creation and so with our pain.

From agony arises creation and so with our pain.
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Consider the events leading to your birth. Reflect on your parents’ meeting and the unforeseen circumstances that may have derailed their union. Irrespective of your conception, your birth is a miraculous testimony that life has your back.

I admire the quote by respected psychotherapist David Richo, “To say yes to this given is to trust that the universe has a plan for us and that things are unfolding in this life just in time for us to grow into the beings we were meant to be. This is the Buddhist concept of karma as meaningful coincidence. Our own plans are based on our limited knowledge. The fact that things happen beyond our control and lead us to new vistas means that grace has come into play.”

Everything happens for a reason, yet we may not be privy to the reasons until the entire picture is formed. Sometimes, we don’t realise it in this lifetime. Yet, we take comfort in a greater intelligence guiding every facet of our life and the billions of people on this planet.

How do we allow fate to find its way into our life without despairing?

Trust that life supports our needs and will continue to do so as long as we maintain faith. It may not unfold how we imagine it, but we believe in this benevolent force, regardless.

We trust in the language of the heart and sense our way through life.

So, when a condition arises that does not match our mental picture, we move into our heart and consider the greater lesson contained within the experience.

Life is self-serving, because you are the embodiment of life. The universe expresses itself through you since it cannot perceive the material realm without a user.

You are the user and the experiencer, ushering life through you.

So stop wishing away the present moment, hoping for something better and be present and attentive to your surroundings.

Afterall, what is meant to be will always find a way into your life, whether you consent to it or not.

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How To Be Your Own Guru

“When we have begun to take charge of our lives, to own ourselves, there is no longer any need to ask permission of someone.” — George O’Neil

To a visitor who asked to become his disciple the Master said, “You may live with me but don’t become my follower.”

“Whom then shall I follow?”

“No one. The day you follow someone you cease to follow Truth.”

The narrative by Anthony de Mello underlines the theme, Truth is found within and not in someone’s teachings.

We must avoid following other people’s truth, mainly when everyone is searching for answers of their own. A teacher




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How To Ride The Wave Of A Positive Thought

“Your circumstances may be uncongenial, but they shall not remain so if you only perceive an ideal and strive to reach it. You cannot travel within and stand still without.” — James Allen

Thought Waves

What were you thinking a moment ago?

Was it positive, uplifting or disempowering?

Notice your feelings generated by the thoughts.

Are they pleasant, neutral or disagreeable?

If you’re able to move your attention to your emotions, congratulations, you know how to ride the wave of a positive thought.

What do I mean by that?

If you observe a surfer on a wave, you’ll




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How To Find The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

“There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but the way out is through.” — David Allen

To find the light at the end of the tunnel, we must inhabit the darkness with complete faith that respite is ahead.

The tunnel is our life’s journey, filled with darkness at times. In such moments it’s natural to look for a way out, yet we must trust that a turning point awaits us around the corner.

The darkness can be terrifying when we’re stuck, unable to navigate our way ahead. It represents an inner struggle and




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My Life’s Greatest Lessons

“When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.” – Cherokee Expression

Knowing there are no mistakes removes the burden from having to strive to make things happen. You learn to let go of frustration, disappointment, anger and anxiety to trust all will be worked out for your greatest good when the time is right. Universal timing affirms there is a rhythm and a cycle to life which is independent of your own timeline. What may seem as a dead-end or roadblock may actually




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What Is Health And Lifestyle Coaching?

“A wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings, and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his illnesses.” — Hippocrates

If you’re a regular visitor, you may have noticed a new menu titled Health Coaching.

In this article I wish to discuss what Health Coaching is via a Q&A.

What Is Health and Lifestyle Coaching?

Health and Lifestyle Coaching is an online coaching service aimed to help you take control of your health and wellbeing. In my work with hundreds of people spanning the past twelve years, health is not limited to a physical sensation that occurs in the body. It is our thoughts, the air we breathe, the stressors in our life, how often and what types of movements we partake in and what we eat.

So if we want to lose weight and are stressed, we are bound to run into problems if our goal is to be healthy and maintain a lean physique. Lean does not mean low body fat as espoused in fitness magazines or online media. It means NOT carrying excess body fat which poses a danger to our health.

Health and Lifestyle Coaching is an online coaching system via Skype to help you achieve your goals. You become accountable because you invest the time and money to realise your health goals. It is online coaching from a specialised person capable of helping you realise your goals.

What Can I Expect From A Skype Session?

The initial consultation comprises a Needs Analysis where I examine your health history and your goals to assess how I can best serve you. The first consultation lasts 45 minutes and we will decide how often to meet and establish objectives to make sure you achieve your desired outcomes. I take a holistic and integrated approach to health and wellbeing, which means I consider your mental, emotional and physical state of wellbeing to decide how I can best serve you. This is a perfect opportunity to get to know you and discover what is limiting you from reaching your health goals. You are encouraged to ask questions during the consultation and voice any concerns.

Who Is Health Coaching For?

This is a great question and one that is often asked. Health and Lifestyle Coaching is for anyone who wants to improve their overall health and wellbeing. Others need coaching to overcome obstacles that restrict them from achieving their goals. By getting to know you better, I can assess what I believe are the main reasons hampering your success, and together we can work to overcome these obstacles.

“The way you think, the way you behave, the way you eat, can influence your life by 30 to 50 years.” — Deepak Chopra

How Long Is A Coaching Session?

An initial consultation runs for 45 minutes and subsequent appointments or follow-ups are 30 minutes. Once we’ve established the main areas to work on, later appointments involve touching base to track your progress and identify hurdles stopping you from achieving your goals. For example, we may identify that you need to exercise more, yet your day job is sedentary which entails sitting all day. Together we devise a plan on how you can fit in more movement and exercise before, during and after work. The benefits of increased movement throughout the day are tenfold, one of which includes joint mobility and an increase in metabolism and calories burned.

What Do You Cover And Not Cover?

We cover everything ranging from:

Negative and limiting thoughts & beliefs affecting your general health
Exercise and movement
Stress management
Nutrition
How to implement and adhere to healthy habits
Mindfulness and meditation
How to improve energy levels
Healthy and permanent weight-loss
How to shop and read food labels
How to improve sleep
Improving posture

I do not address pre-existing medical conditions and encourage you to consult with your medical practitioner. The advice communicated during the sessions are guidance and advice, not prescriptive. I am not qualified to diagnose or treat medical conditions. I advise you what I believe is the best approach to achieve health and wellbeing. I encourage you to inform your medical practitioner that you are seeking health coaching so we can work together to deliver the best service possible.

How Much Does It Cost?

An initial consultation costs $95 AUD while a subsequent follow-up costs $85 AUD. Please check with your health provider if you are able to claim this fee on your health insurance. In some countries, health providers offer rebates for such services. I also offer 3, 6 and 12 month packages that are more affordable over the long term. Given it can take anywhere from 3 months to 12 months to achieve your health goals, these packages are well suited to save you money and work on cementing your overall goals.

How Often Are The Skype Consultations?

Based on your health goals, we will decide how often to meet in the initial consultation. Weekly meetings are well-advised, though fortnightly sessions are also available. The frequency of meetings will depend on your goals and the timeframe in which you hope to achieve them. This is a joint decision and I will not force you to decide on something you are not comfortable with. Health and Lifestyle Coaching is targeted to help you realise your goals, which means you decide how much effort you make to achieve them.

Can You Guarantee Results?

It would be remiss of me to guarantee you results and I advise you to stay clear of anyone who promises they can guarantee such a thing. However, I can guarantee that if you follow my advice and carry out the strategies in the coaching program, you will achieve positive results. Setbacks will arise from time to time. Unforeseen events pop up in life, like a flu that derails your well-laid plans. As your coach, I have encountered these situations before and I know the best route to take to keep you on track. I often tell clients that minds are like parachutes, they work best when open. Keep an open mind and avoid placing expectations of how and when you achieve your results. I’ve witnessed many clients exceed their wildest dreams despite having faced adversity and setbacks. There is no straight path to success, just commitment and perseverance.

How Long Before I See Results?

As mentioned above, everyone is different and you may need one month to a year to achieve your goals. It will depend on your health history, commitment, and ability to adhere to the advice while keeping stress to a minimum. I assure you the results will come if you stay the distance. For some, results come quicker, while others it takes longer, yet when they arrive the results are likely to be permanent. I encourage you to let go of the timeframe required to achieve your goals and focus on gaining vital lessons from the experience. This is expected to result in maintaining health for a long time.

I hope this article gives you an impression of what Health and Lifestyle Coaching entails. Please direct any questions using the Contact Form on the website. I will do my best to respond within 24 hours.

If you wish to book a consultation, click here and navigate to the bottom of the page to the booking system.

Payment can be made via PayPal using a credit card and you needn’t create a PayPal account.

My days and hours of availability are exclusively Monday to Wednesday due to speaking and writing commitments.

To your continued health and happiness.

Tony

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How The Power of Forgiveness Can Set You Free

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” — Lewis B. Smedes

Forgiveness does not erase the past, but looks upon it with compassion.

To withhold forgiveness keeps alive emotions of hurt, anger and blame which discolour our perception of life.

To forgive, we avoid ruminating on thoughts of being wronged. Rather, we trust the power of forgiveness to heal the hurt and pain.

By holding on to pain and resentment, we suffer because the sorrow is intensified to keep it alive.

Despite people’s perceptions that forgiveness means to forget, its motive is preserved in self-forgiveness and the role we play to co-create the circumstances.

This does not mean you consented to what transpired. Given your involvement, even as a victim, you forgive yourself regardless of the role you played.

Forgiveness means to let go of hatred, instead of allowing it to eat at you.

In the 2009 film Invictus, Nelson Mandala played by actor Morgan Freeman avows to the African National Congress in a show of defiance, “Forgiveness starts here…Forgiveness liberates the soul… It removes fear, that is why it is such a powerful weapon…The past is the past, we look to the future.”

Remarkably, there’s a close link between negative emotions and illness, documented over the past decade by notable doctors.

Toxic and destructive emotions have the potential to activate certain diseases if we don’t attend to our emotional wellbeing.

I acknowledge it is difficult to forgive a perpetrator for wrongdoing and it goes against our moral code. Yet, if we consider it from a greater perspective, forgiveness is associated with our emotional welfare, not merely granting the other person pardon.

“At the end of the day, forgiveness is really not for the other person’s benefit at all— it’s for our own. Regardless of how illogical it may seem at times, it is through unconditional forgiveness that we surrender the past to the past and enter the present, freeing ourselves to stand in the infinite Light that knows how to heal our deepest and most painful wounds,” states author Dennis Merritt Jones.

I grew up in a strained relationship with my father and carried resentment towards my emotional mishandling for a long time.

Yet, I experienced a profound shift when I forgave him and myself. I saw the greater lesson of my experiences which were guiding me towards self-love.

It was brought about through a change in awareness that undermined my limiting beliefs, “What if my relationship with my father was perfectly orchestrated to teach me self-love?” From that day, I realised there are no accidents in this purposeful universe, only our perceptions that distort the truth.

Anger and resentment keeps us stuck in the past replaying disempowering emotions, instead of living in the present moment.

People wish for a happier life yet are reluctant to let go of toxic emotions, believing forgiving their perpetrator erases the past. This is the furthest from the truth.

“When you’re wounded, especially by significant people in your life, your empowerment is challenged, and your worthiness is called into question. The vulnerability your loss of empowerment creates within you allows the wound to damage your worthiness,” affirms author Mario Martinez in The MindBody Code: How to Change the Beliefs that Limit Your Health, Longevity, and Success.

From a spiritual perspective, the ego feeds off fear and convinces us we were wronged. It holds on to anger and resentment to keep the pain alive.

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” — Paul Boese

Conversely, love asserts the opposing view – forgiveness, peace and joy.

It was the late Dr. Wayne Dyer who said you can be happy or you can be right, but you can’t be both. We must let go of destructive emotions to discover peace and happiness because the two cannot coexist.

Irrespective of the circumstances, we respond to the past with compassion, not hold on to the experiences.

Confucius said: “The more you know yourself, the more you forgive yourself.”

So, we choose positive emotions if we wish to live a fulfilling life.

Anger and resentment is a call for self-love since what we crave is to be loved and appreciated.

Given our aim, we must let go of that which stands in our way, and forgiveness is the bridge that leads us there.

We look into our hearts and forgive ourselves for being co-conspirators in the experience. A co-conspirator is identified as someone involved in the experience instead of consenting to it.

“Rather than forgiving the perpetrator or minimizing the intensity of the misdeed, you recover the empowerment and self-worthiness you thought had been taken from you,” states author Mario Martinez.

We forgive that part of us that holds on to resentment and transforms any destructive emotions. In doing so we rise above fear.

It was the late psychiatrist and consciousness research Dr. David Hawkins who showed that Fear has a lower consciousness level, in contrast to Love which registers higher. Referring to the accompanying image, we see Fear registers as 100 on a logarithmic scale, while Love registers as 500. The energy of Love is calibrated higher and capable of disentangling lower emotional states.

When faced with holding on to anger and resentment, forgive yourself and others. Each time you experience fear, choose forgiveness over hatred.

In doing so, we heal ourselves and raise our awareness, leading to inner freedom.

I wish to leave you with a poignant quote from author Dennis Merritt Jones in his book Your Redefining Moments, “Forgiveness is the practice that opens the window and exposes our wounds to the Light, and it is a practice that, as long as we live in a human skin, we’ll have a need to employ throughout our lives.”

By exposing our wounds to the Light not only do we heal our suffering, we invite Love to transform our anguish.

In that act of clemency we are reunited with the wholeness of who we are.

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What Is Health Coaching?

In this video I discuss my latest offering, Health and Lifestyle Coaching. This is an Skype based coaching service designed to help you achieve your health and wellbeing goals. Visit http://www.tonyfahkry.com/health-coaching/ for more information.

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Why Self-Compassion and Self-Acceptance Are the Keys to Optimal Living

“Your problem is you’re too busy holding onto your unworthiness.” — Ram Dass

Have you ever wondered why some people seem happy and content in their own skin?

In contrast, do you know people who are miserable and pessimistic?

How about you?

What is your predominant outlook towards life?

Do you like yourself? Feel worthy? Struggle with confidence?

These are questions we seldom contemplate until life overwhelms us. Yet, if we don’t make time for self-enquiry, we will be overcome with emotional grief when we least expect it. I wish to explore self-acceptance and self-compassion, two important factors for optimal living.

From the time we are children, we face some form of emotional abandonment, leaving us with a less-than-positive mental script. We can be hard on ourselves and that unkindness permeates into other areas of our life, leading towards a destructive path.

Emotional Abandonment

Emotional abandonment means to run away from fulfilling your emotional needs like self-love and self-acceptance. Even young children will entertain thoughts as, “I don’t like myself” and “I’m not worthy” and carry these thoughts throughout their lives. What does a young child know about forming such judgements when they’re barely old enough to reason with the world?

Perhaps your emotional needs were not met as a child and you developed low self-esteem? This is a common scenario, where children believe they are unworthy well before developing a self-identity.

They mature into adults only to bottle up their pain or cover it up with: addictions, unhealthy relationships, hollow success, or material possessions. This poses a threat to one’s emotional wellbeing, because living like this makes for a miserable existence and leads to: depression, severe anxiety, mental health disorders and tremendous pain.

In her book Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well-Being, author and transformational psychotherapist Linda Graham MFT states, “True understanding and compassionate self-acceptance are especially necessary when there are parts of ourselves that are still caught in negative stories about what has happened to us—parts that still feel invisible, misunderstood, not accepted, or a failure.”

“The chemist who can extract from his heart’s elements compassion, respect, longing, patience, regret, surprise, and forgiveness and compound them into one can create that atom which is called love.” — Khalil Gibran

The Antidote

Countless people with low self-worth have faced their inner struggles and learned to love themselves. They were vulnerable and faced their insecurities and disappointments to learn self-compassion and acceptance.

In fact, a part of an adult’s journey often leads them to face the darkness to walk in the light. Sometimes personal growth requires walking through pain to discover a fertile oasis ahead.

“The first step we need to take on the path toward self-compassion is to embrace the most simple and basic fact that when our emotional immune systems are weak we should do everything in our power to strengthen them, not devastate them even further,” affirms psychologist Guy Winch.

Healing Inner Wounds

Everyone encounters some form of pain on their life’s journey. It begins in childhood and continues throughout life and none are immune to it. How you respond to your inner wounds will determine your attitude and actions throughout life.

To illustrate this point, consider the Buddhist tale of a man shot in the chest by an arrow. While the pain was immense, the Buddha pointed out how much greater the pain would have been if he was shot by a second arrow in the same spot. This lesson illustrates that despite intense pain or suffering, when we add a second arrow of judgment about our experience, we intensify the pain.

Inner wounds can lead to self-persecution. We believe, “I must deserve this” or “I’ll never be good enough” and this keeps us trapped in unworthiness.

We can be hard on ourselves at times, not realising it’s possible to respect who we are, despite our pain. To learn self-love and self-compassion begins with appreciating our worthiness.

Author and social researcher Brené Brown states in Rising Strong, “When we practice self-compassion, we are compassionate toward others. Self-righteousness is just the armor of self-loathing.”

You matter.

You are worthy.

You can love yourself and treat yourself with compassion.

While it’s wonderful to treat others with compassion, do you treat yourself the same way?

Do you take pride in yourself?

Cut yourself slack from time to time?

Believe in yourself?

Are you aware of the inner critic that tells you otherwise?

Self-compassion does not mean feeling sorry for yourself and it is not self-pity. It means developing a nurturing relationship with yourself foremost.

Similarly, self-compassion is not a sign of weakness. It implies being your own guardian, best friend and healer instead of critic. It’s considered that self-compassion and self-acceptance are essential ingredients to living a fulfilling life, more so than high self-esteem.

The roots of self-compassion stem from our earliest recollection of our caregiver environment. So, it makes sense we learn to connect with these nurturing qualities to provide the loving kindness we deserve.

Self-compassion and self-acceptance means to eliminate expectations of oneself. It starts with the smallest gesture of loving yourself when you’re angry, scared, confused or tired. We cultivate a supportive inner dialogue instead of allowing the inner critic to take hold.

We learn to embrace our worthiness.

It begins by gazing into the mirror and declaring you are worthy of love. Notice the feelings and sensations that arise as you make the declaration. Some people are brought to tears while others delight in the self-affirming dialogue.

Become your own best friend and soul mate. Scouring the globe for your soul mate begins at home standing in front of a mirror, confirming your complete acceptance of self: your flaws and your assets.

Author Linda Graham reminds us once more, “Self-compassion helps us recognize and use our frailties, flaws, and vulnerabilities as opportunities for proactive self-care. We especially need to practice self-compassion and self-care when our inner critic starts to pummel us with harsh, negative self-talk.”

No one is perfect and you’re no exception.

Embrace and love yourself without reservation. Life will make sense because you will be in tune with your authentic self, which is Love at the core of your being.

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The Most Powerful Ways To Develop Self-Trust

“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Honour Your Emotions

To develop self-trust, stop seeking the opinions of others and recognise the guidance within you.

Self-trust is harnessed when we follow our sacred wisdom, instead of looking outside ourselves to provide inner peace.

We develop self-trust by honouring our emotions instead of hiding behind them. As you honour your feelings, you develop trust in your capacity to deal with what arises.

Equally, we must distance ourselves from people who undermine our self-trust. Some people push your pain buttons because it pleases them to see you suffer. Whilst they can help us to identify our disowned parts, we are better to distance ourselves from them rather than become embroiled in their deceitful ways.

Self-trust is developed by nurturing our innermost thoughts. Whilst we cannot control external circumstances, we become curious to what is going on inside us instead of retaliate in anger.

“As we learn to recognize and understand the body’s subtle sensations, and then act on them, our self-trust will grow tremendously. To me it is rather amazing that the body has this innate sense of the truth, as if the body is hardwired for it,” states psychotherapist John Prendergast Ph.D.

The subtleties of the human body point to what is going on beneath the surface, so we become attuned to the minor fluctuations and our true needs.

Follow the Inner Guidance

It’s vital we honour our commitment to ourselves, whether it be in the goals we set or pursuing our dreams. To dishonour them, diminishes our self-trust because we fail to follow through on our plans.

To foster self-trust involves developing a compassionate dialogue with ourselves. In times of turmoil, we should cultivate compassionate thoughts rather than be ruled by the unfolding drama. We plant the seed of equanimity and nurture it with kindness so it grows strong.

Self-trust arises when we make time to honour the child within us. This means devoting time to be with ourselves, instead of declaring how busy we are, in the midst of craving emotional compassion.

John Prendergast states, “As we learn to slow down, tune in to our inner guidance, and act on it, our self-trust grows. We increasingly get the feel for when something resonates as being true or false for us, in or out of accord. This sense of inner resonance becomes our inner authority.”

Our inner authority is the pillar of a stable emotional life. We take the time to connect with our emotional wellbeing and attend to any disturbances that show up.

The Power of Silence

How do you recognise when you need time alone?

Whenever you notice internal unrest, it is a call to spend time in silence to examine the emotions.

It is no surprise our lives are hectic. We are more likely to pay attention to external events instead of meet our personal needs. We spend our waking life fixed on the world “out there” instead of within. Yet, if we continue down this path we neglect our inner life, which influences how we relate to the world.

A practice I mention in my upcoming book, Reconstructing the Past to Create a Remarkable Future involves a simple question to see how we relate to the world.

“How am I doing?”

This simple question allows us to distinguish what is going on inside us, instead of dismissing the emotional disturbances as unjustified.

“Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.” — Golda Meir

Eckhart Tolle states that whenever emotional chaos is apparent, we invite an earlier Pain-Body experience into the present moment. This is obvious when others trigger our Pain-Body, such as being cut off in traffic or someone taking our line in the queue whilst shopping.

If we don’t take the time to examine what is going on beneath the surface, we react instead of interact with our core emotions.

“Most of us have not tried just sitting in and through a feeling experience. We have not trusted ourselves enough to let our feelings take their full course. So we never find out that a feeling is not so tough on us as we imagine it will be. We miss out on how much better we feel when we let go instead of hold back. Nothing is so hard to handle as the fear of facing it,” affirms author David Richo.

Building self-trust does not mean we will always say or do the right thing. Irrespective of our words or actions, whatever arises is there to guide our personal evolution.

Developing Mindfulness

A well-known practice for developing self-trust is to be mindful of your body moments before you react to external events. So, with someone taking your place in the shopping queue, move into your body and note any tension or tightness. Become curious toward these sensations and observe them nonjudgmentally.

For example, you might be aware of a constricting sensation in your chest moments before retaliating with the person who took your place in the queue at the supermarket.

Be with the emotion and simply notice it without an agenda. Silently repeat the phrase, “I’m aware of you” or as Daniel Goleman suggests, label the emotion. So we affirm to ourselves, anger or fear instead of act on it.

This simple action puts the brakes on deferring our emotions and draws our awareness to what is going on inside us.

In this way we become aware and awake, instead of unconscious to the emotional drivers in our life.

We develop self-trust by honouring every facet of our being irrespective of whether we approve or disapprove of that part of us.

For example, those with a diminished self-esteem might criticise themselves for reacting angrily to a situation. In contrast, those with an empowered self-esteem see it as an opportunity to become inquisitive and a teaching point from which to grow.

Heart-Centred Awareness

To develop self-trust is to listen to our heart’s guidance, rather than be dictated by the incessant thoughts.

Our thoughts are saboteurs since they cannot be trusted. Given their volatility from moment to moment, we cannot rely on them to make sense of our environment.

For example, at the end of a working day your thoughts are scattered, while mid-morning after you’ve had a cup of coffee they’re less likely to be reactive.

However, the heart is not influenced by fluctuating mood changes. There is a stillness that longs for you to connect with, even during your darkest hour. Practice moving your awareness into your heart in the midst of the commotion and observe the silence.

Be with the sensations that arise and meet them with openness. You’ll soon realise the habitual and stressful thoughts melt away, leaving a sea of expansiveness that permeates your mind and body.

Self-trust is an invitation to develop a relationship with your core self. We learn to become our own best friend and appreciate the interplay between our thoughts and emotions, instead of remaining unconscious to them.

In doing so, we learn to trust the guidance from our deepest wisdom.

Ultimately, if we continue to place our trust in others’ opinions, we will disengage from our sense of authority and diminish our self-confidence over time.

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