Tony Fahkry's Blog, page 2

Life Feels Like a Struggle? This Simple Shift Changes Everything

The Principle of Minimal Effort

“Truth is always to be found in simplicity, and not in multiplicity and confusion of things.”—Isaac Newton.

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by the constant busyness of modern life? You’re not alone. In today’s information age, simplifying our lives is more important than ever. The key to unlocking an inspired life lies in embracing simplicity and letting go of the unnecessary. By focusing on what truly matters, we can find greater joy and fulfillment with less effort. Tending to your health, relationships, and family may be central to your life. For others, it may be other aspects. The key is to concentrate on what is important and pursue it with vigor. That which brings you joy and happiness requires the least effort. The American philosopher Henry David Thoreau said: “As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness.” For many, deep joy is often found in life’s smaller, quieter moments.

The Law of Least Effort follows the principle of simplicity, meaning things are often done in the easiest way possible. Given that we are human beings subject to the laws of nature, it makes sense to allow simplicity to be your driving force. The following principles are ways to simplify your life. They are a starting point, and I encourage you to adopt them slowly without being discouraged if results don’t appear immediately. It requires patience and persistence for something of value to yield results. Akin to a plant, the initial stages begin with the seed sprouting beneath the soil, invisible to the naked eye. Yet, with nurturing and time, it grows into a healthy plant, and so will your new habits.

1. Nurture Positive Connections

These include friends, family, romantic partners, co-workers, and those who support and encourage you. Significant people are those who promote your personal growth. They are your humble ambassadors in times of need and don’t desert you through crisis. The company of such people leads to simplified living because your needs are met through close connections. Supportive people inspire and strengthen you, not drain your energy. Some relationships demand more than they give, leaving us emotionally exhausted. While you should aim to be compassionate with others, protecting your energy is important. Therefore, be aware of relationships that leave you feeling fatigued and consider whether they serve you. Setting boundaries isn’t a sign of selfishness; it represents an act of self-respect.

2. Let Go of What Depletes You

Releasing what drains you is essential to simplifying life because you free yourself from what consumes your energy. This includes people, things, places, relationships, travel, behaviors, or habits. I realize that not everything in your life can be changed right away. However, noticing what drains your energy can sometimes be the first step. Nevertheless, don’t fill the void with something else. Allow it time to recede so you have less to focus on. Doing so frees up mental and emotional resources for more important matters. In other words, create space for something wonderful to appear and trust it will occur since nature abhors a vacuum.

“Trying to manage things, trying to force things to conform to your will, only makes for more frustration.” — Alan Watts.

3. Value Experiences Over Material Goods

There’s a misconception that happiness comes from accumulating material possessions. Sure, it might offer satisfaction for a short while, but you yearn for more once it wears off. Newspapers are filled with stories of people who inherited millions only to find themselves more miserable than before. This is not because of money per se but because a sudden increase of wealth can disrupt their sense of identity and purpose. In some situations, material wealth may draw attention to one’s insecurities, particularly if one feels unfulfilled. Therefore, focus on experiences and surround yourself with friends and loved ones. Travel more, perform random acts of kindness, and do charity work if that interests you. The key is to find fulfilling experiences that embody who you are. For example, I enjoy creative hobbies and feel lively when engaged in these endeavors. Find time for similar activities that resonate with you, and you’ll be happy and content.

4. Reconnect with Your Inner Self

When you’re in tune with your Inner Self (intuition), you connect to the creative source of infinite intelligence. I’m not talking about religion or spirituality but something more subtle. Your thoughts and body are not dissimilar to nature but are of the same intelligence that forms the tides, the seasons, and the stars. Stay connected to your Inner Self, and you’ll feel the aliveness of the universe permeate through you. How do you stay in tune with your Inner Self? Here are steps to consider:

Show kindness and compassion to yourself and othersThink empowering thoughtsLive a healthy lifeBalance your giving and receivingCreate fulfilling relationshipsBe of value in your communityRespect Mother NatureBe of service to othersBe at peace with yourselfThink globally, act locally

We stand at a pivotal moment in human consciousness, moving away from fear-based patterns towards a more conscious and intentional way of living. This isn’t about imposing control or promoting any ideology; it’s a natural evolution. Expanding our awareness with greater clarity and compassion creates a more sustainable and fulfilling world. To align with this shift, be willing to challenge your long-held beliefs to coincide with this change and be open to new ways of seeing the world.

Remember, simplicity doesn’t mean deprivation. It’s about focusing on what truly matters and letting go of the rest. As you embrace the Law of Least Effort, you’ll find that true happiness lies not in external circumstances but in cultivating inner peace and living a life aligned with your values. Considering this, I invite you to choose one principle from this article that appeals to you, whether it involves releasing what drains you, cultivating supportive relationships, or reconnecting with your inner self. Commit to practicing it daily for seven days, and record your observations in your journal. Keep it simple. Don’t try to change your entire life overnight. Instead, focus on small, deliberate acts every day that support you. Your journey to a simpler life may begin subtly, but with patience and perseverance, it will blossom into a life filled with joy and fulfillment. So, take a deep breath and simplify your life to re-experience the power of conscious living, one meaningful step at a time.

The post Life Feels Like a Struggle? This Simple Shift Changes Everything appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

Is Frustration Destroying Your Life? Discover the Power of Letting Go Now

The Futility Of Holding On To Negative States

“One small positive thought can change your whole day.”—Zig Ziglar.

I’d like you to try a small exercise: Think back to a time this week when you noticed your mood shift, perhaps from calm to irritated or hopeful to defeated. It may have been a text message you received that caused you frustration or a minor setback that filled your entire day. It’s easy to get annoyed by a hostile email, a missed deadline, or a misinterpreted comment. Here’s the truth: what lingers in our mind isn’t just the event but how long we cling to it. What if I told you an emotion only takes 90 seconds to move through your nervous system? Knowing that simple fact, shared by neuroanatomist Jill Bolte Taylor, has changed everything for me and hopefully you. Much of our suffering is not caused by the event but by how long we hold on to it.

It’s not the emotion that remains after the event but the story we keep replaying. When we break this cycle of rumination, we can live the present moment easily without the weight of the past holding us back. Oftentimes, we’re not interacting with what’s happening before us but repeating old arguments, second-guessing our decisions, and trying to revise situations that have passed. For instance, can you recall occasions when you struggled to stop persistent negative thoughts? While trying to find meaning in negative events is natural, not everything deserves a deep analysis. In other words, looking for meaning can sometimes become an endless trap rather than a tool. However, recognizing the futility of holding onto negative emotions can change how they affect our day and our interactions with others. One negative thought can take hold in our minds like a weed and spread throughout our entire day. Our brain, which is designed to strengthen habitual patterns, will reinforce what we continually dwell on. This is known as Hebbian theory, which states that ‘neurons that fire together wire together.’ Therefore, the more we dwell on a thought, the stronger its foothold becomes.

What Letting Go Means

“The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.”—Winston Churchill.

Letting go doesn’t mean giving up. Instead, it means letting go of trying to control what we can’t. It involves creating space for something more beneficial to occupy its place. Is this something you’re willing to practice? You see, each time we try to control something, we’re trying to swim against a tide. We’re exhausting ourselves instead of allowing the ocean’s current to carry us effortlessly. Moreover, letting go isn’t a sign of defeat—it means creating a space for peace and clarity, allowing us to know the next step to take. It reminds me of the story attributed to the Buddha in which he spoke of anger being akin to holding a hot coal in your hands. The initial reflex is to drop the coal because it is too hot. The same applies to our thoughts. When an angry thought or a critical inner voice arises, we have the power not to let it play out. Instead, let it pass through you like background noise you can ignore and bring your attention back to the present.

I recall an incident involving a minor altercation with a motorist once while I was attending to errands. There was an exchange of words between us that lasted a few seconds. After the incident, I returned to a state of peace within seconds. I also laughed at how quickly two strangers could engage in a heated exchange over something as insignificant as a parking space. Previously, I would replay such an encounter for days, which fueled a grudge that served no one. However, on this occasion, I took a deep breath and laughed. Before long, the story and the accompanying emotions were gone. Over time, through my mindfulness and meditation practice, I now appreciate that thoughts come and go from our minds like the ebb and flow of ocean tides. Associating with them all wastes time because we miss other enriching thoughts and experiences. The freedom and relief that come with letting go of negative thoughts are truly healing.

So, here’s your challenge: The next time something negative threatens your peace, pause and contemplate. Ask yourself: ‘Is this thought helping me or holding me hostage?’ Then, take a slow, focused breath. Imagine the thought dissolving from your mind like fog lifting in the morning sun. Remember: You are not the thought but the awareness through which it moves. In that awareness, life renews itself again with clarity, peace, and the presence to receive what matters.

The post Is Frustration Destroying Your Life? Discover the Power of Letting Go Now appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

Pain Is Not Your Enemy—You’re Just Using It Wrong: The Shocking Path to Real Growth

The Power of Response: Transforming Pain into Growth

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” — Viktor Frankl.

The space between pain and suffering holds your greatest power. This is the essence of what Viktor Frankl conveyed after surviving the unimaginable horrors of Nazi concentration camps. His words weren’t just theory but wisdom gained from blood and loss. When agony arrives, most of us unconsciously erect a defense around our wounds to protect ourselves, thus minimizing our potential. Suffering doesn’t arise from pain itself but from the story we attach to it: this shouldn’t be happening, that it will never end, that we are diminished by it. What would change if you recognized that your response to pain determines whether you become its victim or a recipient of its transformation?

Pain and suffering needn’t coexist to affect the quality of your life. Your response is measured by how you internalize undesirable events. We all experience pain, as evidenced by the atrocities and violence in the world nowadays. It is broadcast into our living rooms and on social media moments after it occurs. It’s no surprise that we live in uncertain times. Yet, you have a choice whether to buy into the fear or connect with the wisdom of your heart. The latter is challenging, though not impossible, especially when inundated by distressing news events. While you may consider it naïve that suffering is not a measure of pain, consider how Victor Frankl proved it’s possible to transcend suffering. He even showed forgiveness and empathy towards his aggressors, thus minimizing his suffering.

What is evident here is that suffering will depend on the meaning we assign to painful events. Consider the pain of a thirty-year marriage suddenly devastated by infidelity; can suffering be dismissed in this instance? Both people will experience pain at the demise of the marriage, but the extent to which they remain trapped in their suffering is within their control. Grieving is a natural response; however, with time, opening ourselves to love and healing can ease our suffering.

Embracing Suffering: A Path to Healing and Self-Transformation

“The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt.” — Thomas Merton.

Here’s the good news and the bad news: everyone suffers. I’m reminded of people who lose their children, husbands, or wives to devastating circumstances and transform their pain from victims to empowered individuals. In other words, you can stay mired in your circumstances or transform your suffering into a healing agent. I’m not suggesting it is easy to use your pain to heal or move forward. It might take longer than you expect, but the key message is that you control the narrative, not the pain and certainly not the suffering. Does this perspective ring true with you? If this message resonates with you, take a moment to reflect on how it applies to your life.

Healing begins the moment we acknowledge our pain rather than suppress it, even when it feels unnatural to us. I know this goes against every human instinct because pain is often an unwelcome teacher. Yet, how will you enjoy happiness without the contrast of pain? How would you enjoy spring and summer if it were not for the darkness of winter? Pain does not last forever; yet, if you cling to the suffering, it takes longer to move through you. The work of brain scientist Jill Bolte Taylor suggests that the average lifespan of an emotion as it moves through the nervous system is approximately one and a half minutes. Knowing this releases the burden of holding onto our emotional attachments longer than necessary. Pain can be a powerful teacher if you allow it to pass through you. Therefore, I invite you to let go of the mental story that accompanies your situation. By this, I mean avoiding the attempt to find deeper meaning behind the problem. Allow the meaning to arise naturally over time, and you will know when its time has come because it will be as clear as day to you.

Personal growth is not a clear choice amid suffering. It’s the last thing on your mind, as your primary aim is to alleviate your suffering. Sometimes, life decides on your behalf by compelling you to evolve rather than punishing you for past transgressions. Rather, it strengthens your commitment to honor your deepest self in the face of adversity. If you push away the pain, you invite more suffering because you expect the future to be better than what’s taking place now. The future isn’t set in stone because it changes as our relationship with the past evolves in the present. Therefore, you have a choice to transform your relationship with pain. The next time you face hardship, resist the urge to resist it or run from it. Instead, pause for a moment. Feel the full intensity of the emotion, knowing it will pass within moments, not your entire lifetime as your mind would lead you to believe. See if you can cultivate gratitude, even when life feels difficult, as this practice can shift your brain from a state of stress to one of peace in an instant. Ask yourself: “What is this pain trying to teach me?” Listen with an open heart to what arises.

Considering this, identify one insight gained from a recent challenge you’ve faced. Share your journey with someone who needs to hear your story since your transformation can become a catalyst for theirs. Remember, you were not intended to remain a victim of your circumstances but to emerge as the architect of your response. Will you continue to resist your suffering, or will you allow yourself to move through it? The choice remains yours. Your path from pain to power begins with your next response—what will it be?

The post Pain Is Not Your Enemy—You’re Just Using It Wrong: The Shocking Path to Real Growth appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

Why Your Pain Is Your Purpose: Turn Your Struggles Into Your Greatest Strength

Why Struggle is the Key to Growth

“The most beautiful people I’ve known are those who have known trials, have known struggles, have known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.”—Elisabeth Kübler-Ross.

We often wish for an easy life, yet struggle is what makes us grow. But have you ever stopped to consider what kind of person you would be without challenges? Would you know your strength if life never tested you? Life’s contradiction is that we resist the very thing that awakens our potential. Transformative growth occurs during our darkest moments. When we overcome them, we discover aspects of ourselves that have been hidden from sight, revealing the essence of our character. While you may see yourself as ordinary, maybe not destined for Nobel recognition, you possess a distinctive calling in your genetics: to evolve, expand, and become more.

This potential I speak of isn’t reserved for a select few. It resides within each of us, much like a candle waiting to be lit. But what if you’ve been ignoring that light that dwells within you? What if your challenges are directing you toward something greater? As you reach to become more, you join forces with universal intelligence to express your infinite potential. Even though we play a small role in the greater orchestration of events in the physical universe, this doesn’t mean we play an insignificant role in the co-creation process. Instead, the decisions we make today have a ripple effect on our lives and the lives of those around us. In other words, we are all connected on a deeper level, as our lives are intertwined, even though it may not always seem that way.

This innate potential we possess—characterized as the spark of possibility—is formed by our beliefs. Your beliefs shape your perceptions. Your perception magnifies your view of reality so that what you expect is what you get. If our beliefs shape our reality, what happens when we shift our perspective? Have you ever reflected on a past hardship and appreciated how it taught you something valuable? What if the struggle you’re facing now is also revealing a hidden strength within you? Instead of a life shaped by hardship, we begin to see opportunities buried within our challenges. It’s an ongoing discussion that life is one struggle after another. Yet, it doesn’t have to be that way. There is more to life than meets the eye. Notice that I used the word impression since your observation of it frames how you perceive the world.

This act of observing something—this framing of our experiences—highlights how we perceive our struggles. The same bias of struggle is apparent in the perception of aging. While many people seem to accept aging as an inevitable decline, modern science and personal choices demonstrate that we have more influence over our health than we believe. We fail to concede that we can slow the aging process by regularly tending to our health. Suddenly, instead of being victims to the forces of life, we can decelerate the rate at which we age to live richer and fuller lives.

How Challenges Shape Who We Become

“The tests of life are not to break you but to awaken you.” —Agni Yoga Teachings.

Life offers moments of bliss when we least expect them, often in the form of unwavering dedication to our passion. For instance, when we fall in love or commit ourselves to serving others, our struggles seem to fade into the background. As you know, life doesn’t come with a user’s manual since we make it up as we go along. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t have it any other way; the joy of overcoming is more rewarding and part of the human condition. Life is willing to offer you so much or so little, and you decide whether you are eager to receive it. Sometimes, it provides us with heartache, pain, emotional trauma, and moments of anguish. This contrasts with the delight of witnessing your child’s birth or celebrating personal victories.

Even though heartbreak can feel unbearable, have you noticed how it creates a vacuum that love can fill? Similarly, the pain of failure fuels our hunger for success. Life doesn’t separate struggle from joy; it intertwines them—like night and day—thereby giving meaning to the other. Can you think of a time when your pain and suffering guided you to something surprisingly beautiful? What if all the struggles you’ve faced have led you toward something greater than the pain you associate with it? Pain exists to give rise to pleasure. The principles of duality, contrast, and paradox work harmoniously; Yin energy complements Yang energy.

Therefore, this interchange of opposing forces, what some might call a dance of duality, shapes our life’s journey. Life is often likened to a journey, for the experiences we undertake have a lasting impact on our lives. Those moments of bliss or episodes of agony remain a central focal point long after the experience has passed. We mustn’t assume that life will conform to our desires at a moment’s notice. Instead, we should allow life to flow through us unimpeded. We do so by remaining receptive to what shows up, even if we believe otherwise.

Without the drama and the struggle, life would serve no function. The purpose of life is to create itself anew within each moment. Through chaos, life is born, which serves as the impulse for the creative expression of life. We see this application apparent throughout nature. Diamonds are formed under intense pressure, heat, and agitation. The turbulent weather patterns eventually recede, giving way to the welcoming spring and autumn months. We look forward to these seasons rather than take them for granted. Imagine if we had one season for all twelve months of the year. There would be little to appreciate in terms of the contrasting weather changes. Contrast emerges in nature, allowing us to experience diverse realities.

Life’s profound meaning is revealed through the intertwining of opposite experiences. Just as diamonds are formed under pressure, seasonal changes bring a sense of renewal. What if we moved toward our challenges with the same perspective? Nothing in life remains permanent since pain flows through us when we allow it to pass instead of resisting it. Instead of viewing life as a series of never-ending dramas, appreciate that each challenge guides you to unearth your deepest wisdom. The same intelligence responsible for the rhythm of nature also operates within you, yet not always in ways you expect.

Considering this, I invite you to reframe your perception of life. Begin to see obstacles not as a series of punishments but as gateways toward lasting transformation. Write in your journal about a current challenge and identify three potential gifts that you can see. Share your insights with someone who could benefit from your outlook. Ultimately, you decide how to interpret your struggles—whether as burdens or as stepping stones to powerful transformation. The same intelligence that moves the tides and seasons also flows through you. So, how will you embrace your challenges differently, starting now?

 

The post Why Your Pain Is Your Purpose: Turn Your Struggles Into Your Greatest Strength appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

How to Silence Your Inner Critic: Proven Methods for Emotional Healing and Lasting Peace

Reclaiming Inner Peace: A Commitment to Yourself

“We don’t realize that, somewhere within us all, there exists a supreme self who is eternally at peace.”—Elizabeth Gilbert.

What if you wake up and suddenly, a voice inside your mind whispers before your feet hit the ground? “You’re not good enough. You should’ve done more yesterday. You don’t have what it takes.” This voice, which many call the inner critic, can be relentless, throwing doubt on your self-worth and potential. But what if this voice isn’t telling you the complete truth? What if, beneath these doubts, a part of you is already at peace? I want you to try a brief exercise: Place your hand on your heart. What do you feel? I don’t mean the beating of your heart but the emotions in that area. This is a practice people find difficult to do, given the mixed feelings that surface when we nurture the intimate aspect of ourselves.

I was reminded of this one evening as I washed my face in preparation for bed. Something unexpected happened as the water flowed through my fingers while massaging the soap into my hands. A wave of love engulfed me, filling my chest with a deep warmth I hadn’t experienced in years. It was the same kind of love I had known as a child, where I was safe in my mother’s arms. That fleeting moment took me back to my childhood when I relived the intimate feelings of oneness and togetherness with my mother.

I mention this because it is the same love and compassion we ought to practice with ourselves. These feelings are ones we can invite into our lives regularly. We needn’t wait for others to express love to us to connect with these feelings. It starts by creating it ourselves. This brings me to the following question: What is your relationship with yourself? Is it one of kindness and compassion or guilt and resentment? Irrespective of what it is, you can choose inner peace and harmony by letting go of thoughts that obscure its presence.

In a world where the threat of nuclear war, political deception, and environmental concerns are common, inner peace and harmony should take precedence. We are inundated with news that captures our attention and distracts us from maintaining inner peace. The media benefit from promoting a cycle of fear, anger, and anxiety. While I don’t fault them for their business model, I’ve chosen a different path embedded in peace and harmony. It is why I feel obliged to guide others to connect with their heart’s deepest desire for inner peace. Some might say the heart’s role is to express love, and I would argue otherwise because we are already the embodiment of love because of our existence.

So, instead of focusing on the external chaos in the world, we can turn inward to break down the barriers that prevent us from experiencing this intrinsic love. As the Persian poet Rumi suggests, these barriers are not about seeking love but removing the obstacles we’ve built against it. He was making the case for letting go of negative states such as anger, fear, and hatred that obscure our oneness with love. This is not who we are because they are learned emotional states that keep us from discovering our true selves.

Unlocking the Flow of Peace Within You

“The life of inner peace, being harmonious and without stress, is the easiest type of existence.”—Norman Vincent Peale.

If we seek to know our true selves, we must understand that the heart’s deepest desire is an expression of the language of our soul. Inner peace gives rise to love and expands like a light in a dark room, filling every corner. You needn’t direct the light into corners of the room other than to turn it on. The same can be said of us: we should remove the barriers within ourselves that obstruct love, as Rumi alluded to. How do you feel about this? I’m certain you have questions or doubts looming in your mind. I invite you to sit with them and contemplate the essence of your inner peace.

No amount of money, fame, or power can compare to the peace within us. It is a matter of removing what stands in the way of connecting with our longing for peace and harmony. It’s similar to peeling away the layers of thoughts, beliefs, and lies we’ve accumulated about who we are. These concepts and ideas help us find our way in the world yet do little to help us realize inner peace. Countless people accumulate material possessions to make them happy, yet long for something missing from their lives. What is missing is not lost but dwells within us, waiting for us to come home.

I realize what I’ve outlined here might sound unattainable, especially if you’ve spent years engaged in self-doubt or anxiety. The idea that peace is already within you may seem far-fetched. But consider this: What if peace isn’t something you earn? What if it’s something you uncover by letting go of anything that stands in its way? The journey to inner peace is not some distant pilgrimage but a return home to what already exists within you. Like water that finds its natural course, peace flows unobstructed when we remove the obstacles we’ve placed in its path. This peace isn’t something to be achieved; it’s something to be uncovered, remembered, and lived. Considering this, I invite you to set aside five minutes each day this week to engage with the following practice:

Find a quiet space where you can sit comfortably.Close your eyes and center yourself in three slow, deep breaths.Place your hand over your heart and feel its rhythm.Ask yourself: “What do I feel now?” Without judgment, observe what arises.In a soft voice, repeat to yourself a phrase of kindness, such as “I am safe,” “I am loved,” or “I am enough.”

As you practice this, you might discover that the peace you crave never left you; it’s been waiting patiently beneath the surface of your busy mind. In a world that pulls at your attention, the commitment to reconnect with your inner sanctuary is the most satisfying self-care you can offer yourself. The peace that exceeds all understanding isn’t found in perfect conditions outside of you but in your willingness to embrace the wholeness at your core. Are you ready to come home to yourself?

The post How to Silence Your Inner Critic: Proven Methods for Emotional Healing and Lasting Peace appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

STOP ‘Healing’ Yourself: The Dangerous Lie About Brokenness That’s Keeping You Trapped

Rediscover Your Inherent Wholeness

“The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind”—Caroline Myss.

What if the wounds you carry are not a sign of brokenness but an invitation to remember your wholeness? Healing isn’t about fixing what we believe to be damaged; it’s about reconnecting with the fullness of who we are. Integration takes this idea further by embracing all aspects of ourselves. This includes our wounds and perceived flaws as essential aspects of our wholeness. As the American author Caroline Myss wisely observed, “The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind.” The paradox of this quote is the foundation of true healing: we are not broken and need fixing, but we are whole beings who have briefly lost sight of our completeness.

To further expand on this idea, we can see how the language of healing can influence our perception of ourselves. As author Michael Brown suggests, using the word ‘healing’ may uphold the belief that we are incomplete. However, the truth is that nothing is missing other than the belief in our separateness. Like a hologram where each fragment contains the entire image, every aspect of us carries the blueprint of our soul’s nature. Instead of trying to fix ourselves, integration invites us to acknowledge and incorporate every experience as part of our whole being. It doesn’t mean erasing the pain you experienced but incorporating it into your greater self through compassion and understanding.

This perspective challenges our standard approach to healing. Does this idea appeal to you? Are you comfortable knowing that whilst you are born whole and pure, you created separation through your beliefs, thoughts, and experiences? I’m not implying this rests entirely on your shoulders since it is an unavoidable aspect of our human journey. It is said that while our painful experiences are not our fault, healing the pain is our responsibility. Although there’s an element of truth, we ought to remember there is nothing to heal other than to attend to our unconscious memories of our wounded selves. As a result, we integrate our separateness into our greater self by acknowledging these parts of us.

This path of integration requires a sense of releasing and renewing, represented as a constant cycle of deliberate transformation. In my writing, I often repeat the expression “Release and Renew” when discussing healing and emotions. By this, I am referring to releasing what is not conducive to our well-being, even though it may have served us previously. This may include regret, disappointment, fear, anger about the past, and replaying painful memories. Similarly, we renew our commitment to nurturing ourselves and moving forward by connecting with our core emotions. This involves embracing every emotion that surfaces through the eyes of curiosity and compassion. The egoic mind likes to separate us from our greater self to create two identities, i.e., the darkness and the light. This is why we experience pain and disillusionment because of two opposing interests.

The Journey from Healing to Integration

“I have been a seeker and still am, but I stopped asking about the books and the stars. I started listening to the teaching of my soul”—Rumi.

This perspective is a subtle shift in our approach from healing to integration, but it carries lasting consequences for our journey toward wholeness. The wisdom of author Michael Brown, whom I referenced earlier, resonates with this concept. He suggests that the language of “healing” can unintentionally reinforce the notion that we are somehow damaged. Brown advocates instead for “integration,” a process that acknowledges those parts of ourselves we have unconsciously tried to resist, control, or numb. While the healing process focuses mainly on resolving our sense of brokenness, integration recognizes it as a part of our whole being to be embraced.

Unlike traditional healing methods, which label our difficult experiences as ‘problems’ that require fixing, integration calls us to embrace every part of ourselves—even our challenges—as essential to our wholeness. I believe Brown makes two important points: First, we mustn’t resist or try to manipulate the past but see it as an aspect of our life’s experience. Second, integration means to embrace, or at least acknowledge, everything that happened to us. Perhaps not immediately, but when we are ready to make peace with it.

As you reflect on these ideas, what emerges for you? What are your thoughts about this? You may have questions related to your personal experiences. Whilst I am not present to answer them, I assure you that trying to make sense of them consciously is a healing process rather than an integration process. So, rather than trying to make sense of the past, which keeps us trapped by replaying painful memories, we can identify how the experiences served us. Moreover, we should consider the following questions as a basis for self-inquiry.   

How can I use the past to facilitate my personal growth?How can I use my emotional wounds to bring peace and love to the part of me that is pure and whole?How can I integrate my separateness into the wholeness of my being?Who must I become or let go of to achieve this inner state?

Nurturing the deepest part of yourself is a journey of integration instead of a healing process, as we’ve established throughout this article. Transformation unfolds effortlessly when we shift our perspective from fixing what we believe to be broken to embracing what’s been forgotten. Remember: your pain isn’t a punishment; it’s a path. Your wounds can lead you to greater wholeness if you’re willing to look at them through the lens of compassion and curiosity.

Considering this, I invite you to participate in your integration journey. Create time this week to journal your answers to the four questions above. Approach this practice as a conversation with your deeper self. Similarly, try to notice what emerges in your dreams, what triggers unhappiness in your daily life, and what patterns appear as signs in your waking life. These are not random occurrences but signposts leading you home to yourself. Integration isn’t a destination; it’s a practice. It asks you to return to the wholeness that has always been your true nature. The journey begins with one courageous step: the willingness to see your fragmented parts as aspects of yourself waiting to be welcomed home. Will you answer that call?

The post STOP ‘Healing’ Yourself: The Dangerous Lie About Brokenness That’s Keeping You Trapped appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

Stop Letting Others Control Your Life. How To Reclaim Your Power Now

Stop Handing Over Your Authority

“When we have begun to take charge of our lives, to own ourselves, there is no longer any need to ask permission of someone.” — George O’Neil.

Do you ever look for guidance outside yourself, hoping someone else holds the answers you need? We live in a world filled with advice, experts, and information, yet the deepest wisdom is already within us, waiting to be revealed. When you stop surrendering your authority to others and trust in your own inner guidance, you reclaim the power to navigate life on your terms. What you seek isn’t in someone else’s teachings or advice. It’s within you, revealing itself through whispers of intuition, the synchronicities you encounter, and the lessons woven into your everyday experiences.

Although the answers you search for cannot be found outside of you, you can learn to tune in and listen to what is happening within. Those you ask for answers will advise you from their personal experience and, sometimes, their inner wisdom. No matter how free-thinking they are, they cannot know what life has in store for you. They cannot possibly know what lies ahead in your journey, so you must trust your own path. Does this idea resonate with you? Are you willing to consult your inner wisdom to find the answers to your questions? For instance, the Buddha cautioned following other people’s teachings centuries ago when he said: “Do not give up your authority and follow blindly the will of others. This way will lead to only delusion.”

The Key to Making Wise Decisions

“No one and nothing outside of you can give you salvation or free you from the misery. You have to light your lamp. You have to know the miniature universe that you are.” — Banani Ray.

As the Buddha poignantly demonstrates, abdicating our authority to others prevents us from receiving the answers we need. We should own our mistakes, however painful, for they hold clues to realizing the truth. The biggest adventure you will embark upon is discovering your truth and living it to the best of your ability. I compare it to tuning a radio station. You might dial one direction and miss the reception, then dial back the other way and land on the correct frequency. Put simply, what may seem like a wrong turn is often just life unfolding as it should. Therefore, be wary of handing over your authority to another person since they may disappoint you. This is apparent in relationships where one partner delegates their happiness or emotional well-being to the other, only to realize later they were deceived.

Just as we may give up our authority in general life decisions, we often do the same in relationships, expecting others to fulfill our happiness. Hence, we may suffer because they might not meet our expectations. I’m not suggesting you don’t consult with others to seek different opinions; this is a wise course of action. I’m suggesting that after you have done so, turn within and see if you can make sense of the advice to discover your own answers. Our expectations kill many relationships because we believe we are owed something. People will let you down when their truth does not agree with yours. To empower yourself, tap into the wisdom that resides within you. If you’re constantly besieged by noise or other people, you drown out the voice within. The answers you seek often appear through inner knowing, intuition, messages, or symbols. Similarly, let go of the worry that preoccupies your mind. We live in a world overshadowed by news events that seize our attention daily. Our brains are alerted to imminent fear because we sympathize with news stories instead of focusing on our inner wisdom.

That said, external guidance can be invaluable in certain situations. Seeking advice from mentors, experts, or trusted individuals can provide us with valuable insights, especially when facing unfamiliar challenges. Learning from others’ experiences can offer us new perspectives and help us make informed choices. The key is to use external guidance as a tool for navigating decisions in our lives, but not as a safety blanket. In other words, take in advice, reflect on it, and then consult your inner wisdom to determine whether it resonates with your journey. For instance, I’ve been fortunate to have wonderful mentors who have guided my professional journey over the years. Their wisdom has been invaluable, but I always contemplated their advice through my own intuition before taking action. This helped me to strengthen my confidence in my own decisions.

So, just as guidance is sometimes required from trusted sources, the overarching theme in this article is to trust your instinct since it holds the keys to life. No matter your decisions, believe in yourself. Every experience carries a lesson for your personal growth, and every life event—even those you deem undesirable—holds a key lesson for your growth. In The Art of Self-Therapy by author Nick Trenton, a passage stood out to me where he emphasizes that self-awareness grows through regular practice. He suggests making it a daily habit by asking yourself, “What am I noticing about myself now?” This simple question may seem inconsequential, but it is important to become more self-aware and make decisions that align with your deepest desires.

Your life is your own to create, and no one else can walk your path for you. The key to making informed choices and finding clarity isn’t in the advice others echo but in the quietness of your inner wisdom. When you stop looking outside of you for permission and learn to trust the signs, instincts, and deeper knowing within you, you reclaim the authority that was always yours. So, take a step back from the noise. Start observing, questioning, and listening to your insights today. Keep a journal, and notice what your intuition tries to tell you. Your truth is waiting for you to embrace it. The power was always yours, so now is the time to claim, trust, and live it.

The post Stop Letting Others Control Your Life. How To Reclaim Your Power Now appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

Every Doubt You Believe Is Killing Your Potential—Here’s How to Fight Back

Are You Feeding Fear or Strength?

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage.” — Dale Carnegie.

Have you ever felt that fear and doubt are unwelcome houseguests who never leave? They whisper lies, distort reality, and steal the joy from the present moment. We’ve all experienced it on some level, trapped in an unending tale of “what ifs” and “maybe not,” convinced by these harbingers of doom that our ideal life is out of reach. But what if we could eject these unwelcomed guests and reclaim our inner peace? The truth is we can choose where we focus our attention, and that choice can be the difference between a life lived in fear and one overflowing with confidence.

Reflect on this for a moment: Where has fear taken root in your life? Is it in your relationships, finances, or career? Maybe it still lingers over your dreams and highest aspirations. If I asked you to journal the narrative fear and doubt promote, what would you write? Is it a lack of choice? Self-worthiness or self-esteem? Overcoming fear and doubt first requires becoming familiar with how they work. Like a virus, they infect our thoughts, distorting reality. Soon enough, we become convinced that the lies they fabricate are true, and by that time, it may be too late to reclaim our thoughts. Either way, we should confront our limiting beliefs and analyze them for what they are: an unrealistic plan to sabotage us.

Stop Letting Fear Hold You Back

“Life isn’t much more than a big dig through layers of doubt and fear into new levels of power and potential.” — Robin Sharma.

Fear and doubt offer nothing in return but to steal our inner peace and happiness. In contrast, confidence and encouragement are allies that work together to support our goals. We ought to sow the seeds of these virtues in our psyche and extract fear and doubt from our minds. Fear undermines our confidence by portraying a bleak future. Confidence, on the other hand, is poised with conviction, ready to achieve excellence. This doesn’t mean we should completely eradicate fear from our lives, but we should acknowledge it for what it is. As the self-help author Susan Jeffers’ book proclaims: Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.

Before we rewrite our story, we should confront the false narratives we’ve been telling ourselves. So, let’s put this into action:

Fear & Doubt Reframe Challenge

Grab your journal and take five minutes to reflect on the doubts holding you back. Answer the following questions:

What is the biggest doubt or fear limiting me right now? Be honest and name it.Where does this belief come from? When did I first notice it? Is it based on facts, or is it a story I’ve accepted as truth?How can I rewrite this story with courage? Change your internal talk. For instance, instead of believing, “I’m not good enough,” try, “I’m capable and learning every day.”Now take action:

Write down one small step you will take today to challenge your doubts. Even the smallest movement can build momentum over time.

The momentum we create from walking toward our fears helps us to take inspired action. Because every time we overcome fear, we silence our doubts and lay to rest the hijackers of tomorrow. Fear and doubt will try to steal our best-laid plans. Ignoring them isn’t enough. We need to confront them head-on and rewrite the narrative they promote. Consider this in your own life. What have you overcome in recent times that fear and doubt tried to sell you? It may be asking for a job promotion, starting a new business, or leaving a lucrative career. Fear isn’t always self-created. Sometimes, it is disguised in the form of concern from those dearest to us. Family and friends may mean well, but their advice often arises from their own fears, not your potential.

In other words, asking others for advice is like asking those who’ve never been where you’re going for directions. You assume because they are informed, they hold the answers, but they may not be the answers for you. So, question everything and put it to the test to see whether it will work for you. It is better to make a hundred mistakes alone than live inauthentically based on other people’s opinions. We’ve got to show up for our life and command it fully, irrespective of what others think. It requires moving through our fears and doubts, which accompany us on this life journey. It’s possible to overcome the mental hurdles by challenging the long-held beliefs we’ve upheld all these years.

So, where will you direct your focus? Fear and doubt will always whisper, not scream for your attention, but you get to decide whose voice is louder. Will you write a story of hesitation or one of courage and triumph? Remember the journey we’ve explored: understanding the tactics of fear and doubt, confronting limiting beliefs, and actively cultivating confidence. We’ve emphasized the power of choice and the importance of living fully. Ultimately, the responsibility for these choices lies with us. Will you be the 80-year-old consumed by regrets or the person beaming with the fulfillment of a life boldly lived? Your story isn’t written yet because you hold the pen. So, choose courage. Choose inspired action. Make it a remarkable life you can look back on with pure joy!

The post Every Doubt You Believe Is Killing Your Potential—Here’s How to Fight Back appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

Every Doubt You Believe Is Killing Your Potential—Here’s How to Fight Back

Are You Feeding Fear or Strength?

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage.” — Dale Carnegie.

Have you ever felt that fear and doubt are unwelcome houseguests who never leave? They whisper lies, distort reality, and steal the joy from the present moment. We’ve all experienced it on some level, trapped in an unending tale of “what ifs” and “maybe not,” convinced by these harbingers of doom that our ideal life is out of reach. But what if we could eject these unwelcomed guests and reclaim our inner peace? The truth is we can choose where we focus our attention, and that choice can be the difference between a life lived in fear and one overflowing with confidence.

Reflect on this for a moment: Where has fear taken root in your life? Is it in your relationships, finances, or career? Maybe it still lingers over your dreams and highest aspirations. If I asked you to journal the narrative fear and doubt promote, what would you write? Is it a lack of choice? Self-worthiness or self-esteem? Overcoming fear and doubt first requires becoming familiar with how they work. Like a virus, they infect our thoughts, distorting reality. Soon enough, we become convinced that the lies they fabricate are true, and by that time, it may be too late to reclaim our thoughts. Either way, we should confront our limiting beliefs and analyze them for what they are: an unrealistic plan to sabotage us.

Stop Letting Fear Hold You Back

“Life isn’t much more than a big dig through layers of doubt and fear into new levels of power and potential.” — Robin Sharma.

Fear and doubt offer nothing in return but to steal our inner peace and happiness. In contrast, confidence and encouragement are allies that work together to support our goals. We ought to sow the seeds of these virtues in our psyche and extract fear and doubt from our minds. Fear undermines our confidence by portraying a bleak future. Confidence, on the other hand, is poised with conviction, ready to achieve excellence. This doesn’t mean we should completely eradicate fear from our lives, but we should acknowledge it for what it is. As the self-help author Susan Jeffers’ book proclaims: Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.

Before we rewrite our story, we should confront the false narratives we’ve been telling ourselves. So, let’s put this into action:

Fear & Doubt Reframe Challenge

Grab your journal and take five minutes to reflect on the doubts holding you back. Answer the following questions:

What is the biggest doubt or fear limiting me right now? Be honest and name it.Where does this belief come from? When did I first notice it? Is it based on facts, or is it a story I’ve accepted as truth?How can I rewrite this story with courage? Change your internal talk. For instance, instead of believing, “I’m not good enough,” try, “I’m capable and learning every day.”Now take action:

Write down one small step you will take today to challenge your doubts. Even the smallest movement can build momentum over time.

The momentum we create from walking toward our fears helps us to take inspired action. Because every time we overcome fear, we silence our doubts and lay to rest the hijackers of tomorrow. Fear and doubt will try to steal our best-laid plans. Ignoring them isn’t enough. We need to confront them head-on and rewrite the narrative they promote. Consider this in your own life. What have you overcome in recent times that fear and doubt tried to sell you? It may be asking for a job promotion, starting a new business, or leaving a lucrative career. Fear isn’t always self-created. Sometimes, it is disguised in the form of concern from those dearest to us. Family and friends may mean well, but their advice often arises from their own fears, not your potential.

In other words, asking others for advice is like asking those who’ve never been where you’re going for directions. You assume because they are informed, they hold the answers, but they may not be the answers for you. So, question everything and put it to the test to see whether it will work for you. It is better to make a hundred mistakes alone than live inauthentically based on other people’s opinions. We’ve got to show up for our life and command it fully, irrespective of what others think. It requires moving through our fears and doubts, which accompany us on this life journey. It’s possible to overcome the mental hurdles by challenging the long-held beliefs we’ve upheld all these years.

So, where will you direct your focus? Fear and doubt will always whisper, not scream for your attention, but you get to decide whose voice is louder. Will you write a story of hesitation or one of courage and triumph? Remember the journey we’ve explored: understanding the tactics of fear and doubt, confronting limiting beliefs, and actively cultivating confidence. We’ve emphasized the power of choice and the importance of living fully. Ultimately, the responsibility for these choices lies with us. Will you be the 80-year-old consumed by regrets or the person beaming with the fulfillment of a life boldly lived? Your story isn’t written yet because you hold the pen. So, choose courage. Choose inspired action. Make it a remarkable life you can look back on with pure joy!

The post Every Doubt You Believe Is Killing Your Potential—Here’s How to Fight Back appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

You’re Stuck Because You’re Playing It Safe—It’s Time To Face The Pain

Embrace Discomfort as a Path to Growth

“The significant problems we have cannot be solved at the same level of thinking with which we created them.” – Albert Einstein.

Imagine if the fear of discomfort was the key to your greatest growth. Most people avoid stepping outside their comfort zone because they cling to familiar patterns that feel safe but keep them stuck in the long term. However, life’s greatest breakthroughs occur when we can lean into the discomfort instead of running from it. Growth doesn’t mean waiting for the perfect moment but embracing the unknown and finding our strength throughout the struggle. If you’ve ever felt frustrated by setbacks or overwhelmed by life’s challenges, it’s time to shift your perspective. Instead of fearing discomfort, what if you learned to welcome it?

Most people remain stuck in their situation because they fear discomfort, but real growth means embracing it. This article explores why stepping beyond our limits is crucial, how we can shift our mindset, and how to use our discomfort as a means of transformation. We fear stepping outside our comfort zone because we haven’t yet grown to overcome the discomfort. Personal development is about widening our comfort zone while developing the resiliency and growth to overcome them. This can be terrifying initially, but if we can reframe our thoughts about what is happening, we will likely change how we approach the problem. For instance, Joe, a chef and soccer enthusiast I coached, struggled with rehabilitation after a knee injury. While expecting to recover fully within a year, he became frustrated when setbacks delayed his progress. His frustration arose from focusing on the timeline rather than the process.

Through coaching, I encouraged Joe to shift his perspective so that instead of seeing obstacles as failures, he could see them as signs of growth. He gradually embraced discomfort as part of his journey by adopting a Growth Mindset (as Professor Carol Dweck describes). Therefore, instead of resisting challenges, he began to approach them with curiosity by understanding that real progress happens outside of his comfort zone. In essence, I was inviting him to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. Can you relate to this? Have you experienced something similar, where you were despondent, stepping out of your comfort zone?

Challenge Yourself Beyond Your Limits

“Every problem is a gift – without problems, we would not grow.” – Anthony Robbins.

Like Joe, we often resist discomfort until circumstances force us to act. But some people, like Navy SEALs, actively train in conditions to embrace the unknown. Their ability to remain calm in difficult situations isn’t natural; it’s practiced. The good news? We can also train ourselves through regular practice to adopt similar patterns. Sometimes, we don’t realize our inner strength until we’re tested because, under normal circumstances, we are not likely to challenge ourselves. Why would we step out of our comfort zone when life is pleasant? We will remain comfortable until motivation calls us to take action. We might experience inner turmoil because we are not comfortable with the discomfort accompanying it. Yet, trained military personnel like the Navy SEALs are accustomed to stepping out of their comfort zone because their job requires them to work in danger zones. They are unlikely to confront an enemy at a crucial moment if they are complacent in their surroundings.

While we needn’t subject ourselves to the conditions of these trained soldiers, we still experience discomfort when challenges arise because we haven’t developed the coping skills to deal with them. For instance, you might have read books that promote stepping out of your comfort zone daily, yet how many people follow the advice? To further illustrate this idea, our best selves naturally come alive in circumstances when it matters most. Late last year, I was out shopping for groceries when I heard a cry for help from a young girl. As someone trained in First Aid, I ran over to discover her colleague having an epileptic seizure on the floor. My first reaction was to stay calm and assess the situation. In the following moments, people came together to assist the person experiencing the seizure in what I described as showcasing their best selves.

Passers-by who were out shopping stopped to offer help. Some called the ambulance; others were on the phone with her parents and creating a makeshift barrier to keep her comfortable, so she didn’t injure herself during the seizure. After the ambulance arrived and took her to hospital, I walked away feeling confident that when it matters, people bring their best selves to the moment. This reinforces the point that resilience and excellence show up when we decide to act. Maybe you’ve witnessed something similar where people acted out of the goodness of their hearts.

Focus on What You Can Control, Release What You Can’t

“Sometimes problems don’t require a solution to solve them; instead, they require maturity to outgrow them.” – Steve Maraboli.

Knowing that we are a decision away from revealing our best selves means we can train this faculty instead of waiting for it in moments of uncertainty. It isn’t easy to step out of our comfort zone, so it requires frequent practice. Greatness lives within us and can be summoned when needed. The adage use it or lose it highlights the need to engage our greatest self to reinforce our motivation muscle. We can overcome most problems while feeling confident we are in control. This involves overcoming our initial struggle and having an effective strategy to confront it. Have you noticed that most issues appear smaller after some time? This is because we are less emotionally invested when we’ve calmed down and had time to make sense of it. The key is to bring this same composure when we next experience a problem.

The key point is learning to control what is in our power and let go of what we cannot control. It is no use beating ourselves up over something we have little control over. In my client’s case, Joe controlling the rate at which his body heals is beyond his power. However, he can do the right things, such as manage his rehabilitation, nutrition, rest, sleep, and hope it is enough to recover completely. This way, he works within the limits of his healing instead of trying to push things faster; otherwise, further damage will occur. For example, running within 2—4 weeks following an ACL tear would not be reasonable for him. His frustration and anger do little to speed up the healing process; it only delays it.

Therefore, when you face a problem too big, ask yourself the following questions:

What if all my problems were developing my greatest strengths?How would I choose to move forward?What would I do differently?How would I act?Who do I need to become to overcome this problem?

Discomfort isn’t your enemy; it’s your teacher leading you towards a solution. The moments that stretch you beyond your limits are not intended to minimize you but to reveal your true strength. Instead of resisting what you can’t control, focus on what is within your control, i.e., your mindset, actions, and resilience. Every challenge you experience invites you to evolve. Similarly, every setback holds the potential for a breakthrough. So, don’t shy away the next time life pushes you beyond your comfort zone. Step forward with conviction. Knowing this, I invite you to think about one small action you can take today to step outside your comfort zone. Choose one challenge, no matter how small, and commit to it. After all, growth doesn’t happen when you are safe; it happens when you dare to embrace the unknown.

The post You’re Stuck Because You’re Playing It Safe—It’s Time To Face The Pain appeared first on Tony Fahkry.