Tony Fahkry's Blog, page 35

This Is The Single Biggest Thing You Can Do If You Want To Lose Weight

Thoughts and Emotions Influence Your Health

“While weight loss is important, what’s more important is the quality of food you put in your body – food is information that quickly changes your metabolism and genes.” — Mark Hyman

The Scottish whisky distiller Thomas Dewar once said: “Minds are like parachutes; they work best when open.”

I want you to keep an open mind during the next five minutes it will take you to read this piece.

I want to introduce an idea that will prove helpful if you want to lose weight and improve your body composition.

Self-help health experts remind us to refrain from using language such as losing weight due to its symbolic connection to the weight returning. You ‘release’ unwanted body fat they’ll have you know.

However, for the sake of this article I’m referring to it as weight loss so as not to confuse the reader.

Why am I qualified to talk about this topic?

I began my career as a personal trainer many years ago, before transitioning to writing and speaking about health and self-empowerment.

In that capacity, I was fortunate to work with thousands of people who lost weight and kept it off while regaining their health.

How?

I discovered a principle in their journey and my own around the key role thoughts and emotions play in regulating our health.

I wrote a book titled: The Power To Navigate Life: Your Journey To Freedom, endorsed by the internationally acclaimed author Dr. Eldon Taylor. It equally received praise from Australia’s leading clinical psychologist and neuropsychologist, Dr. Roy Sugarman.

The book formed the basis of a program I presented to corporate companies throughout Australia. The following slides are from the program and outline the main principles.

How Money and Calories Are The Same

“For both optimal health and weight loss, you must consume a diet with a high nutrient-per-calorie ratio…there are no shortcuts.” — Joel Fuhrman, Eat to Live

It occurred to me during this period that weight loss was like managing money. As someone who occasionally hacks their health, I track my calories and macronutrients in the name of personal observation and knowledge.

I followed a Ketogenic diet for three years, recording my food consumption and calories. I gained a good deal of data and knowledge, which helped me to find the most effective ways to lose weight and keep it off.

This was supported by my program The Power To Navigate Life, in which I studied the role thoughts, beliefs and emotions play in regulating health.

In tracking my calories during this time, I noticed that the process was similar to my money spending habits, insofar as their respective use and expenditure.

What I’m proposing over the coming paragraphs is not a cure, potion or remedy. It is a short-term intervention to make you aware of how you consume calories, so as to develop sound habits to prevent overeating.

However, it is not just about the calories, since being on a Ketogenic diet proved that.

There were periods when I consumed as much as 3,500+ calories per day and continued to lose fat weight while regaining muscle composition. I took exact body measurements and recorded my blood lipids to highlight the changes, making sure not to leave anything to chance.

I learned the age old myth of calories in, calories out did not apply while I was in ketosis. However, few people are willing to follow a low-carb or ketogenic diet owing to its restrictions.

So, for the rest of us, being mindful of our caloric intake is a way to manage our weight.

The American science writer Gary Taubes asserts in Why We Get Fat And What To Do About It: “The one thing we absolutely have to do if we want to get leaner — if we want to get fat out of our fat tissue and burn it — is to lower our insulin and to secrete less insulin to begin with.”

Superfluous Calories To Blame

“The most beautiful thing about your body is that it has a deep knowing about what you truly need for health and happiness.” — Louise Hay, Ahlea Khadro

What I discovered was the following.

In relation to my money habits, if I didn’t track my financial spending by the end of the week I was unsure where the money was spent. I had little recollection of the items or services I paid for, since the transactions occurred days ago.

From speaking to people over the years, this was an issue many faced. However, when I tracked my spending, I could see where the money was directed and implemented a budget to curb the frivolous spending.

So far so good.

During this time, I came off the ketogenic diet and gained 3—4 kg (6—8 lbs) during the winter.

What did I do?

I applied the same process to calories that helped me track my spending. It turned out, I was snacking during the winter months on superfluous calories that led to weight gain.

Now, I realise gaining 3—4 kg is not a big deal in the scheme of things. However, it is not the weight gain, but the experience acquired from recording the calories that was valuable.

Money and food have the same relationship, where you are likely to spend money easily and consume food easily.

So, they should be recorded until you can manage both without having to consult an app or meal tracker.

So far, I have not mentioned exercise and movement since I didn’t want this article to be an instructional piece on how to lose weight.

Exercise and movement play a role in maintaining healthy weight, but not in the way we’ve been led to believe. For now, I assume you exercise or are involved in some form of regular movement.

So here’s my outline if you want to lose weight, whether big or small, the principles are the same:

Track Your Food Consumption And Calories For 30 Days

Thirty days is a reasonable period to gather enough data on how many calories you consume. As the saying goes: “If you don’t measure it, you can’t manage it.”

It’s recognising where hidden calories are consumed that’s of importance. I suggest using an app or software program to calculate your macronutrient ratios and adhere to them as much as possible.

A benefit of recording data is that is takes into account the times when you’re likely to consume more calories, such as going out to dinner or a birthday party. Avoid worrying about the overall calories consumed for that day, but focus your attention on the total calories and macronutrients for the week.

“We don’t get fat because we overeat; we overeat because we’re getting fat,” states Gary Taubes

The aim is to reduce calories over a four week period in order for weight loss to occur. Again, I suggest you use an app or online program to calculate your minimum and maximum caloric intake per day, rather than guestimate it.

If you continue this same trajectory of consuming your calculated weekly calories, you will continue to lose weight in the ensuing months. You will have also cemented a new habit that lasts beyond that time.

Reduce Your Calories Based On What You Track

This is straightforward. Reduce your calories per day depending on your weight loss goal. As a warning, I suggest starting slowly rather than trying to lose weight quickly.

It is my personal experience coaching individuals over a ten year period that what you lose quickly is likely to come back. As the saying goes: The best time to start a new habit is yesterday.”

Continue The Habit In The Following Months

As outlined in point number one, follow your habit once the 30 day period has lapsed. You will have gathered enough data on what foods you consumed over the past 30 days. If you’re unsure of a food, track it and see what effect it has on your caloric intake.

If you experience setbacks related to illness, injury or personal circumstances, record your calories for two days and use that to get back on track.

If You Put Weight Back On, Track Your Caloric Intake Again

After coming off the ketogenic diet, I consumed more carbohydrates which I previously omitted from my diet. Naturally, during winter I was drawn to these foods once more, and gained weight.

Instead of being disheartened, I tracked my calories for a few days or sometimes an entire week to help resume my weight loss until I had reached my goal.

“To effectively lose weight and keep it off, you need to strategically alter your body weight set point” explains Gerard E. Mullin in The Gut Balance Revolution: Boost Your Metabolism, Restore Your Inner Ecology, and Lose the Weight for Good!

Remember, this is not a long term solution. Many will find once they lose weight, they will want to stick to the formula because it is successful.

Yet, there are disadvantages to limiting calories over a longer period, including depriving yourself of essential macro and micronutrients. Not to mention the mental and emotional havoc caused by maintaining this way of life.

I was precise in my approach, using FitDay software to track my macro and micronutrient ratios and supplemented where necessary.

“You don’t get fat because your metabolism slows; your metabolism slows because you’re getting fat,” is the reminder from Gary Taubes

It is worth restating: this is not a system. It is a means of checking in to make sure you are not consuming extra calories that lead to weight gain.

Most importantly, it helps you to eat healthier because like spending money, you cannot afford to spend calories frivolously if you want to maintain a lean figure.

The real message from this piece is that your health is your greatest priority.

Weight loss is a means to an end to help you maintain a healthy figure with a higher muscle to fat ratio, whatever body type or composition you are.

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This Is What You Could Learn Right Now That Will Be Useful For The Rest Of Your Life

Meaning Making Machines

“Thinking is easy, acting is difficult, and to put one’s thoughts into action is the most difficult thing in the world.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The one thing you could learn right now that would be useful for the rest of your life is: You are not your thoughts.

It is commonplace to accept your thoughts as real, since you experience them and reason that they must be true.

For example, if a friend doesn’t return your phone call, you may entertain negative thoughts and assume they don’t care about you.

This might lead to spiralling thoughts and toxic emotions. When the person does return your call, you will no doubt give them a piece of your mind and remind them you deserve respect.

But let’s back up for a moment and examine this scenario further.

You created a mental interpretation of a scenario you knew little about and attached meaning to it.

Even though there might be several possible reasons why your friend didn’t call, you inadvertently jumped to the wrong conclusion. You focussed on the negative aspects, instead of considering other reasons for their lack of communication.

We do it often, even though the other person might have an unblemished track-record of returning calls. We assume the worst scenario and take offence, believing we were mistreated.

So, why are we so prone to negativity in these situations?

Is it an evolutionary mechanism or is negativity wired into our DNA?

“Negative thoughts are innocent— and powerless— unless you turn them into something that must be shunned, dealt with, or fixed,” writes sports psychologist Garret Kramer in The Path of No Resistance: Why Overcoming is Simpler than You Think.

You Are Not Your Thoughts

“I find the great thing in this world is, not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Evolutionary psychologists believe negativity is part of our genetic constitution, designed to help us discern imminent danger within the environment. It is a biological mechanism to protect us, yet it is less relevant in modern society than it did when our ancestors first roamed the savannah.

Your mind uses negativity as a form of feedback to protect you from impending danger, otherwise known as a Negativity Bias.

However, in the scenario described earlier, you were convinced your friend did not care for you and you were prepared to confront them because your feelings were hurt.

Linda Graham MFT explains in Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well-Being: “Cultivating an immediate positive response to a negative thought creates the space to shift perspective, supporting more flexibility and resilience. And, every time we do it, we are conditioning our brain for more resilience.”

Negativity is not necessarily bad, I would argue. It is something we must take into account in our daily lives, but we mustn’t perceive it as detrimental.

When I say you are not your thoughts, I am implying your experience of your thoughts does not define you as an individual.

Thoughts are projections taking place in your mind to which you assign meaning.

How do we know this for certain?

We could survey a hundred people and ask them how they are likely to react in a similar scenario. Some might stretch the truth, but most will give an accurate response.

Out of one hundred people sampled, the likelihood of different responses can be summarised as:

Some will say it doesn’t bother them that their friend didn’t return their call.
Others will reply that it does bothers them.
Another group are impartial.
The last group have not given it much thought to take offence.

Our thoughts differ because we’re essentially different ourselves.

“Positive and negative thoughts and emotions are just passing across our consciousness; when we perceive that, we realize the truth. The emotions and thoughts we have are illusory, which means they do not exist in the way they appear and they are completely dependent upon our interpretations,” states meditation Master Orgyen Chowang in Our Pristine Mind: A Practical Guide to Unconditional Happiness.

Body As The Subconscious Mind

“We are what we repeatedly do; excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.” — Aristotle

Your thoughts are influenced by a variety of factors, including: your past conditioning, the role of stress in your life, your level of awareness, your general outlook on life, whether you’re a pessimist or an optimist, and your state of health.

Yes, your health.

Those who suffer from poor health due to inadequate nutrition, lack of sleep and exercise, are biologically prone to negativity.

I realise this is a big declaration.

However, without turning this into a ten thousand word article citing medical and scientific literature, the health of your microbiome impacts your psychological and emotional well-being to a large degree.

Your thoughts and emotions are affected by: the foods you eat, how much you sleep and whether you exercise. These factors affect the gut—brain axis, which regulates the immune system and your interactions with others.

Louise Hay and Ahlea Khadro write in Loving Yourself to Great Health: Thoughts & Food—The Ultimate Diet: “Every cell responds to every thought you think and every word you speak, so continuous patterns of thoughts and beliefs can produce body behaviours and patterns of eases and dis-eases.”

How do we know for certain that food affects your thoughts?

Whilst I realise this is observational evidence, consider how you feel when you suffer from: constipation, diarrhoea, food poisoning, parasites or bacterial infections, gut dysfunction, intoxication and hunger?

These factors influence your mood, which in turn affects your thoughts. So the axiom ‘You are what you eat’ rings true in this scenario.

Thoughts passing through your mind are not who you are, they are projections on your mind. They are predisposed by factors within and beyond your control.

Thoughts can be likened to a radio that receives AM and FM frequencies and transmits them via radio waves.

You are the receiver of thoughts. Thinking is the process of electrical impulses within the brain that produces thoughts.

Depending on your past conditioning, genetic constitution and epigenetics, you may be more prone to negative thoughts than you realise.

Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean you are a negative person. It simply means, your bandwidth is prone to negativity because your biological environment is conducive to it.

I should say that I am talking about a person who is constantly in a negative state, not one who occasionally thinks negatively.

It should also be said, negative thoughts are useful if we take time to examine them. There is usually an underlying mechanism as to why they prevail.

Mark Coleman clarifies further in Make Peace with Your Mind: How Mindfulness and Compassion Can Free You from Your Inner Critic: “If I continue to give negative thoughts attention, then of course they grow in importance. If I stop giving them the time of day, then they have less room to take root and grow.”

Our Negative Bias

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new lands but seeing with new eyes.” — Marcel Proust

If we want to change our bandwidth away from negativity, we must first attend to our environment. For example, engaging in self-exploration helps us understand the nature of negative thoughts.

Underlying negativity is a dysfunctional belief system adopted earlier in life that includes not being safe.

I often cite the work of the late neuroscientist Candace Pert who said: “Your body is your subconscious mind.”

Your body is an integrated organism that relies on different branches of your physiology to function.

They communicate with one another and relay information via the central nervous system and parts of your brain.

So, even eating something as simple as chocolate can influence your thoughts and send a cascade of impulses throughout your body.

Candace Pert’s work with opiate receptors, as the cellular binding site for endorphins in the brain, showed that our bodies are a giant network of communication channels.

This is empowering for several reasons, least of which it means we can influence our thoughts by being mindful of them and our environment.

The age old debate of Nature vs Nurture now suggests we should Nurture Nature.

I trust you now appreciate you are not your thoughts but the receiver of thoughts.

Your environment, the past and present has an influence on your thoughts more than you realise.

Whilst we’re wired for negativity, you should not feel helpless because of this. However, if you appreciate your predisposition towards negativity, you’re likely to manage it better through mindfulness.

It comes down to paying attention to your thoughts in a much more consistent fashion.

Know the essence of the person you call “I” and work with what you’ve got, instead of pushing to become something you are not.

Our thoughts are rarely the problem.

It is when we identify and attach meaning to them, that we invite the greatest danger to our long-term happiness.

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Why This Simple Daily Habit Will Make You Become A Better Person

“An arrogant person considers himself perfect. This is the chief harm of arrogance. It interferes with a person’s main task in life – becoming a better person.” — Leo Tolstoy

Journaling.

Yes, this simple daily habit will make you become a better person, because the simplest habits are ones that produce the greatest results.

It is the compound effect journaling offers that often goes unnoticed.

Journaling has many unexpected benefits, one of which is improved mental and emotional wellbeing.

Many people ruminate on problems that gnaw at them, sometimes for decades.

Brain scientist Jill Bolte Taylor suggests that the average lifespan of an emotion to move through the nervous system is one and a half minutes. This releases the burden of clinging to our emotional attachments longer than required.

This daily habit helps you to make peace with toxic emotions and transform them into healthy ones. Otherwise, they remain ‘stuck’ in your nervous system instead of moving through you.

The simple act of writing in your journal on a daily basis helps you to be mindful of the present moment, instead of being caught up in the past or future.

“All clutter and stress seem to be found on the surface, on the level of thinking and emotions,” affirms Peter Francis Dziuban in: Simply Notice: Clear Awareness Is the Key To Happiness, Love and Freedom.

Mindfulness is a way to attain clarity as to what really matters. You become attuned to your emotions instead of allowing them to control you.

I recall listening to the spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle state that anytime you are emotionally agitated for no reason, you are recollecting unresolved memories and creating a Pain body experience.

Similarly, Colette Baron Reid writes in Uncharted: The Journey Through Uncertainty to Infinite Possibility: “Memories are emotions intertwined with thoughts, and those can become lodged not just in your brain but in your body too.”

Journaling is the act of making sense of those memories by transferring them onto paper, otherwise they lead to conditions such as T.M.S. (Tension Myositis Syndrome), according to Dr. John Sarno.

Repressed emotions resulting from psychological stress are stored in the body and may inhibit muscle and/or organ function if left untreated.

“Become a millionaire not for the million dollars, but for what it will make of you to achieve it.” — Jim Rohn

Writing your thoughts on paper is a form of emotional freedom. There are moments in our lives where we must bite our tongue with family, friends and co-workers for obvious reasons.

We cannot express our feelings, so we stow them away hoping they don’t resurface down the road. This is the psychological pain point many people experience later in life.

The key is to allow your emotions to move through you using a method Dr. Daniel Siegel outlines in his book Mindsight. He suggests you name and tame the emotions you experience rather than be overwhelmed by them.

Journaling helps identify the troubling emotions by writing them as “I feel angry” instead of “I am angry.” The latter is a limited self-definition since, “I feel angry” implies the ability to acknowledge a feeling, without being overwhelmed by it.

“Just by bringing greater attention to the part of your body where strong emotions or physical pain linger, you are loosening each layer of cellular memory to assist in another moment of healing,” affirms Matt Kahn.

I suggest exploring your thoughts on paper as the last thing at night after a complete day. In Zen teaching, meditation is thought to help wipe away the day’s stressors by witnessing our thoughts through the eyes of equanimity.

Journaling purges you of mental stressors. It is the process of becoming intimate with your thoughts instead of allowing them to occupy space in your mind.

You become attentive to your mental landscape instead of letting runaway thoughts impose on your freedom.

This simple daily habit will make you become a better person, because you are aware of your thoughts and won’t be overcome by them.

Committing your thoughts to paper invites you to calmly witness them with a clear awareness rather than an agitated mind.

Tibetan meditation master Orgyen Chowang explains in Our Pristine Mind: A Practical Guide to Unconditional Happiness: “You must first relax the mind and then observe it with patience and perseverance. It is that simple.”

Journaling is the act of coming home to yourself and loving the person whose thoughts appear on the page.

What we see and perceive in our waking life results from the mind adding judgement and commentary, like morning fog.

Writing your thoughts downloads them onto paper and liberates you of the need to process them any more than you need to.

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This Is Why The Fears You Refuse To Face Become Your Limits

“You only know yourself when you go beyond your limits.” — Paulo Coelho

Fear maintains its presence in your life through the energy given to it.

It is the accumulation of pain and betrayal that characterises fear.

It’s typical for many to hide from their fears, though sooner or later they grow big enough and overpower you.

“The purpose of fear is to keep us alive, and to protect us from dangerous situations. If you’re sitting in Starbucks and a hungry tiger saunters through the front door, fear can be a powerful evolutionary gift that saves your life,” writes Jamie Smart in Clarity: Clear Mind, Better Performance, Bigger Results.

Have you noticed that avoiding fear gives it more energy to keep it alive? Distancing yourself from fear does not loosen its grip on you, it only constricts it.

What is the antidote for overcoming fear?

Moving towards your fears is the way to make peace with them, so they don’t conquer you.

Fear stifles personal growth and limits your potential because of the narrative it preaches.

It is nothing more than an illusion conjured up by the mind to keep you safe.

If you consider the storyline fear promotes, it is one of security and survival. That’s all well and good, until it limits your success and happiness.

Has fear stopped you taking action in aspects of your life?

Do you play it safe in terms of relationships for fear of being hurt again?

Whilst it’s understandable, underlying this conflict is the need to be in a loving relationship. This desire means you either subscribe to fear or trust your heart to lead the way.

Your source of joy and happiness can only be found in the unknown.

Brendon Burchard explains in The Motivation Manifesto: “Fear rules us only if we let it. In almost all cases, it is something that we can choose to activate or not activate. We can choose to run or not, even if our impulse is blaring at its highest decibel to run.”

“You can only hide from yourself in the noise, but not in the quiet. If you truly want to get to know yourself, then get rid of the distractions. If you want to really understand what has been holding you back, then simply and calmly focus your full attention within, and observe.” — Bryant McGill

Do you stay within your comfort zone with respect to your career?

Do you feel unworthy of success or a better career?

Be honest and face up to your pain, otherwise it’s likely to become your disappointment later on.

You have so much potential that yearns to be developed. First, you must confront your fears and see them as nothing more than a facade that keeps you confined, most of the time.

Have you noticed those who insist on staying safe?

They never grow or venture outside their comfort zone. These same people complain life is unfair, and that success is hard to attain.

They believe life conspires against them and refuse to take risks. They avoid awakening their greatest potential, because fear convinces them it is not worth the effort.

Their fears are their adversaries, not their safeguard.

“It is helpful to remember that fear closes you down, keeping you caught in the game of resisting Life, which builds a wall between you and Life. This wall of resistance stops Life from flowing through you, cutting you off from the joy of being fully alive,” states Mary O’Malley in: What’s in the Way Is the Way: A Practical Guide for Waking Up to Life.

I want you to make an agreement with yourself once you’ve finished this article.

Declare you are worthy and capable of achieving what you set your mind to. However, you must move past your fears first and transform them into courage and faith.

You must reconcile your fears, otherwise they will torment you until you silence them.

By facing your fears, you weaken their grip and see them as signposts leading towards a life of meaning and purpose.

There’s a quote in the Bible from the Gospel of Thomas that reads: “If you bring forth what is within you, what is within you will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what is within you will destroy you.”

It is with that I invite you to face your fears, rather than allow them to become your limits.

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The Power Of Precious Moments: How To Cherish The Gift Of Now

Escape the Here and Now

“There’s only one reason why you’re not experiencing bliss at this present moment, and it’s because you’re thinking or focusing on what you don’t have…. But, right now you have everything you need to be in bliss.” — Anthony de Mello

“How shall I attain Eternal Life?”

“Eternal Life is now. Come into the present.”

“But I am in the present now, am I not?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because you haven’t dropped your past.”

“Why should I drop my past? Not all of it is bad.”

“The past is to be dropped not because it is bad but because it is dead.”

Precious moments are the fertile seeds, life embeds into your now experience.

Anthony de Mello’s opening fable reminds us of the futility of clutching onto the past, since our needs are met when we are grounded in the present moment.

It is difficult to stay present when bombarded with the avalanche of outside noises vying for our attention.

Mobile phone devices and other electronic gadgets prevent us from opening to the present moment because our attention span is limited.

The need to escape from the here and now through multitasking, for example, is based on the assumption that we will be more productive.

It is the lure of the future being better than the present that most excites us. So, we transition from one moment to another, hoping the next will be better but rarely is it that way.

“People who think there’s somewhere to get to and that “there” is better than “here” don’t tend to spend much time enjoying the present moment,” writes Jamie Smart in Clarity: Clear Mind, Better Performance, Bigger Results.

Craving the Next Thing

“Always hold fast to the present. Every situation, indeed every moment, is of infinite value, for it is the representative of a whole eternity.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The future has its own problems and challenges, but we are eager for the next moment to arrive because we are constantly discontent.

Can you see the foolishness of our thoughts when we believe our happiness lies in the future and not in the present moment?

In that respect, we are like mice in a lab experiment looking for the exit out of the maze, only to be met with a dead end.

It is a relentless journey of anxiety, frustration and longing.

We become spectators of our life instead of being the main character. We flee from the present moment just like an actor transitioning from scene to scene in a play.

Author Dennis Merritt Jones explains in Your Redefining Moments: Becoming Who You Were Born to Be: “The irony is, our body can’t be any place other than in the present moment, but far too often, our mind is elsewhere. Mindfulness is the practice of calling the thinking mind back to where the body is, wherein the two become as one in the present moment.”

Happiness is not dependent on attaining something outside of you because once you do, you are likely to crave the next thing.

After a while, you become accustomed to yearning and not appreciating what is taking place now.

I invite you to connect with the power of precious moments to cherish the gift of your now experience.

The Power of Precious Moments

“Life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quickly you hardly catch it going.” — Tennessee Williams

I was speaking with a client recently who was bemoaning her current problems. They were resolvable by any means, but from her perspective they were out of reach.

I invited her to consider the issue from the viewpoint of a person dying from a life-threatening illness, someone who would give anything to be in her shoes.

While an extreme example, it helped my client to see the folly of her thoughts and the insignificance of her dilemma.

Jan Frazier writes in The Freedom of Being: At Ease with What Is: “When you notice yourself ‘lost in your head,’ bring your attention to what’s in the immediate scene. Whatever activity or condition is apparent; what your senses perceive; what you’re doing; what you feel like physically. Bring the primary focus to the reality of the present moment, even as you’re aware of the larger context.”

The point is, when we are caught up in our pain and suffering we want to run towards pleasure – hoping it will end the suffering.

However, these are momentary glimpses into happiness since we are not confronting our problems but fleeing from them.

To appreciate the precious moments of your life, accept each one as perfectly orchestrated for your highest good, even if it doesn’t look that way.

This means being in a state of reverence for co-creating each experience as it should be.

Lean in to your problems and openly accept them, knowing they contain the seed of something extraordinary for your life to unfold.

If you continue to run away from the present moment, it will gather momentum and come crashing upon you when you least expect it.

This moment, this wonderful precious moment is a gift. There is nothing for you to do other than to be alive and appreciate the wakefulness of it.

The American Zen teacher Ezra Bayda avows in The Authentic Life: Zen Wisdom for Living Free from Complacency and Fear: “Surrendering to the physical reality of the present moment, we learn to go deeper with each in-breath, entering the silence, the equanimity, of reality-as-it-is.”

The present moment is to be treasured because it is there where you experience your authentic self.

It is not the Returns and Exchanges division at your local department store, but a treasured gift that flows through your life unimpeded.

To analyse the past with regret or look to the future denies you the gift of your now experience.

Aware and Awake

“The present moment, if you think about it, is the only time there is. No matter what time it is, it is always now.” — Marianne Williamson

“Life can be found only in the present moment. The past is gone, the future is not yet here, and if we do not go back to ourselves in the present moment, we cannot be in touch with life,” writes the Vietnamese Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh.

A great deal is written nowadays about the power of gratitude – and for good reason. It is an important lesson that teaches us to stop and be present, instead of being caught up in our minds.

We become aware of and awake to our present moment surroundings and appreciate what unfolds. To expect the story conjured in our minds will somehow come to life as we imagine, only fuels our suffering.

Moreover, this imagined plot seldom transpires as we hope.

A practice I take part in when I sense being disengaged from the present moment, involves walking around my home touching various objects while noting their texture.

Some surfaces feel cold, hard, and soft yet they evoke distinctive sensations within my body. This simple practice anchors my awareness to the present moment instead of being caught up in my mind’s dialogue.

By being aware of these moments, life offers clues to what is in harmony with my greatest self. I need not run away from the present, but pause and offer gratitude for the opportunity to experience what is taking place.

Jan Frazier says: “Life takes place in the present. The looking happens there, in presence; and ultimately, the course of action will be decided there, in some present moment.”

Make it a priority to disconnect from what you’re doing throughout the day, even if it means stepping away from the office or your work schedule. Notice as many things as you can while outdoors and appreciate what you see.

Avoid checking your mobile device for status updates or news events which keep you hypervigilant as to what is wrong in the world. This is not your reality but the reality you are dragged into.

If you seek happiness, it will only be found in the present moment, not in a mobile app.

Be mindful of what’s taking place in your immediate environment for that is the true source of happiness.

“When we’re aware of being in the Now, present moments come and go, like ripples and waves in the ocean of awake awareness,” explains Loch Kelly in Shift into Freedom: The Science and Practice of Open-Hearted Awareness.

For the Master knew we must let go of our attachments to the past not because it is bad but because it is dead.

This vital clue alone points to the significance of each moment being a precious gift that can slip through our fingers if we’re not attentive.

After all, the past and future cannot coexist anymore than our thoughts about it create its reality.

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What You Should Know About The Power Of Gratitude For A Better Life

“Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.” — Zig Ziglar

The 19th-century American minister Henry Ward Beecher said “Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul.”

He knew something that many lose sight of nowadays and that is: gratitude is the language of the soul.

Tune in to any social media channel and you are confronted with status updates of what is wrong with the world and humanity.

We are so accustomed to negativity that we fail to notice it when confronted with bad news.

We think, “Oh that’s right” and go on with our daily lives without processing the impact of the events.

However, one human quality stands above negativity and has the power to improve our lives.

Gratitude is the unsung hero that is seldom mentioned in conversations, just like compassion or kindness because they are considered weaker human qualities.

Dr. Alex Lickerman writes in The Undefeated Mind: On the Science of Constructing an Indestructible Self: “Gratitude not only brings joy but also improves our sense of satisfaction with life to an even greater extent than either pleasure, meaning, or engagement.”

He says: “In fact, the strength of gratitude’s ability to make us feel good about life is second only to that of love.”

Dr. David Hawkins was an internationally renowned psychiatrist, lecturer and expert in human consciousness who wrote a compelling book entitled Power vs. Force. In it, he explains how our level of consciousness affects humanity.

In his map of consciousness he explains how the overall average level of human consciousness stands at 207, just above the base level of 200. It is only in recent centuries that mankind has shifted consciousness from the level of Force to Power.

What is more, just 15% of the world’s population is above the critical level of 200. That 15% has the weight to counterbalance the negativity of the remaining 85% of the world’s people.

Were it not for these counterbalances, mankind would self-destruct out of the sheer mass of negativity.

“Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.” — Charles Dickens

I find these numbers staggering.

From the map of consciousness it’s clear that gratitude is aligned with LOVE. This makes gratitude the doorway to a higher consciousness that includes joy, happiness and inner freedom.

Gratitude awakens the soul essence of the individual to overcome limitations and obstacles.

Not only is it the window to the soul, but the gateway to liberation and bliss.

Gratitude bears the signature of the soul, while greed, hate and negativity are the underpinnings of the ego.

Feed the ego and you will give life to lower emotional states.

“Gratitude is like fertilizer for new insights. When you’re feeling grateful for what you’ve already seen, you create fertile soil for new insights to blossom,” writes Jamie Smart in Clarity: Clear Mind, Better Performance, Bigger Results.

However, it is not enough to read this and trust in my words. I urge you to experience the change in emotional states and note how you feel.

How do the emotions of anger, negativity, or hate feel in your body?

In contrast, how about: happiness, joy, inspiration, passion, and enthusiasm?

It was the late neuroscientist Candace Pert who said: “The body is the subconscious mind.”

Put simply, your body conveys the significance of your thoughts. Whilst you cannot escape your emotional response, you can change your thinking to influence your emotions.

Given that gratitude emerges from the soul, make it a habit to connect with this emotional state on a regular basis.

After all, it may be the very thing that contributes to a better life.

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Why The Power Of One Thought Can Change Everything

“The soul becomes dyed with the colour of its thoughts.” — Marcus Aurelius

It is said you will truly experience life when you stop living in your thoughts and words.

What do I mean by this?

Look at your hand. What do you see?

Undeniably, it is a hand but even that description is vague. Is it a small or a large hand? A gentle or rough hand? A hand with long or short fingers? How do the palmar flexion creases appear?

There are many attributes to a hand and our experience of it is reflected in our thoughts.

Most people who read this article will observe their hands differently to others.

Some might like the way their hands look, others are told their hands are chubby, skinny or otherwise. You get the point.

The world we see out there reflects the world we inhabit within.

Author Michael Neill writes in The Space Within: Finding Your Way Back Home: “We live in a world of thought, but we think we live in a world of external experience.”

He goes on to say: “The mind is not a camera, it’s a projector. We can’t tell the difference between an imagined experience ‘in here’ and what’s going on ‘out there’— and that confusion creates a lot of confusion.”

Moreover, the person you call “I” is the sum of your past conditioning.

For this reason, I oppose the notion of free will because we are conditioned to be who are, not who we want to be.

Granted, you might say despite our childhood conditioning a person can rewrite their past and create a new future.

“Our life always expresses the result of our dominant thoughts.” — Soren Kierkegaard

While that may be, you are nevertheless dealing with decades of conditioning sewn into your psyche. Furthermore, there are no assurances the person you become is reflected in the choices you make.

“Before something can clearly be seen or perceived for what it is, thinking is already adding judgments and commentary, acting like a smoke screen,” explains Peter Francis Dziuban in Simply Notice: Clear Awareness Is the Key To Happiness, Love and Freedom.

While I may have painted a grim picture of the future, great possibilities exist within the recesses of your mind.

For example, there are documented cases of people who experience sudden awakenings or altered states of consciousness brought on without outside interference.

The power of one thought can change everything because that thought alone can ignite other thoughts, and set alight a cascade of similar thoughts with life-changing effects.

One thought alone is like a seed dropped into the ground that germinates the mind and awakens your true potential.

Albert Einstein experienced these moments when he conducted thought experiments, his most notable being: Chasing After A Beam Of Light.

How does all this relate to you?

Your thoughts are incredibly powerful in a multitude of ways. The power of the subconscious mind is potent to the degree that it can bring about spontaneous healings and effortlessly figure out complex problems.

Therefore, be mindful of the music you listen to. The words you hear interspersed within the songs can be hypnotising (unintentionally) and unbeknownst to your conscious mind.

The television programs you watch and the people you surround yourself with have the same impact. You are the result of your external environment.

One thought can change everything because it can set your world ablaze with excitement and wonder.

But you must be ready for the thought when it emerges, since it will transform your life unlike anything you’ve ever known.

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Why Being Comfortable With Uncertainty Is The Key To Success

“When you become comfortable with uncertainty, Infinite Possibilities open up in your life.” — Eckhart Tolle

“If you want to know your past, look into your present conditions. If you want to know your future, look into your present actions,” states the Chinese proverb.

Life is filled with uncertainty.

You rarely have a precise picture of what lies ahead, so you take what arises with determined courage.

It’s natural to believe you are in control of your life, yet uncertainty is required because the seeds of opportunity lie in the unexpected.

At a deeper level, you fear uncertainty because you may lack the life skills to navigate through it. Known as a negativity bias, it is a mental predisposition to notice and ruminate on negative information while neglecting the positive.

The security you crave is an illusion that draws you into a false sense of safety.

Author David Rock writes in Your Brain at Work: “The brain craves certainty. A sense of uncertainty about the future and feeling out of control both generate strong limbic system responses.”

As a result, your mind looks to your external environment to reinforce a sense of balance.

Bruce Hood affirms in The Self Illusion: “…in situations where outcomes are important, we get stressed by uncertainty and feel the need to do something so that we can have the illusion that we can control events.”

To believe you are in command of your life can be both a blessing and curse.

In one way it affirms your sense of safety, while on the other it is misleading because you have limited control, if any.

It’s no surprise as the mind is notorious for exaggerating situations more than they appear. Known in psychology as catastrophizing, it refers to the inherent bias to perceive events within a negative context.

So, how can you embrace the unexpected without being overcome by the accompanying emotions?

“Faith means living with uncertainty – feeling your way through life, letting your heart guide you like a lantern in the dark.” — Dan Millman

To embrace uncertainty requires a change in perspective. You must yield to the intrinsic forces of life, not oppose them. However uncomfortable, you lean in to your fears and insecurities but do not run away from them.

Therefore, inhabit your body when anxiety arises and then choose a time to examine the cause of the anxiety.

Have you experienced similar anxiety in the past?

If so, are you repeating these feelings instead of dealing with them?

Fear is a confronting emotion, yet we gain the self-assurance when we embrace it as a useful emotion.

You can turn down the volume on fear by being exposed to it a little each time.

Uncertainty is an inner knowing that everything will turn out exactly as it should. It strengthens your commitment to abide with the natural order of life.

You must be comfortable with uncertainty because it exists in our lives. Don’t retreat from it but expose yourself to it a little each time.

It was the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius who once declared: “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”

Try finding the balance between uncertainty and maintaining control without manipulating outcomes. Let go of any tension, anxiety and fear by embracing the unknown.

Uncertainty helps you to re-evaluate the past and make new choices in light of what transpires. It presents opportunities to create a compelling future based on new information.

Often, the most ambitious plans emerge through the obscuring veil of uncertainty.

Welcome curiosity and excitement and you will slowly become comfortable with it.

Also, be aware of your present actions as you embrace uncertainty.

In doing so, you move toward the unfamiliar with a firm ambition to resolve the past.

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When You Love Yourself First, Life Will Take Care Of The Rest

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” — Brené Brown

I want to you to do something before reading this entire article.

It may confront you, but will be a major step towards self-acceptance.

Stand in front of a mirror and recite at least six times: “Your name, I love you.”

Gaze into your eyes as you say it, being meaningful while you deliver the words.

Avoid looking away or staring at what is behind you through the mirror. Don’t use the camera on your smartphone to do this exercise, let it be raw and simple.

Ok, try the exercise now.

What did you notice?

What kind of feelings arose?

Could you hold your gaze and feel the words I love you?

Some people are reduced to tears when conducting this simple, yet powerful exercise.

Let’s be honest, if you cannot love yourself how can you embrace the love of another person?

You are likely to feel unworthy, however you will still long for the love of another.

That’s where conflict arises.

When you love yourself, life takes care of the details because everything else is minor compared to the acceptance of one’s self.

“Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Be true to yourself. How you treat yourself sets the standard for how others will treat you.”― Steve Maraboli

Granted, there are times when you don’t feel loveable. This is normal and we all experience those moments. But self-acceptance is the foundation to living a complete life when you begin to show up with your whole self

In my recent book Awaken Your Authentic Self, I outline how owing our authentic nature is the most powerful commitment we make to ourselves. The narrative is that it starts and ends with you.

Clinical neuropsychologist Mario Martinez writes in The MindBody Code: “I propose that abundance is not sustainable without a strong sense of self-worth. Why not? Because maintaining health, reaching wealth, and finding love require the capacity to accept that you are worthy of your good fortune.”

The author touches on something important and that is worthiness. Your story of unworthiness is a tale assumed from others and reinforced over time, although this is not who you are.

It is a repeated affirmation and conceived narrative. You are no more that person than I am Superman. Sure, I might daydream to have super human powers, but when I return to reality I discover I am a man with insecurities and challenges just like the rest of us.

Nonetheless, I don’t feed those doubts because I know what I give life to, whether the positive or negative gains power. I don’t allow my challenges to overcome me but use them to reinforce my authentic power.

Stanford psychologist Shirzad Chamine explains in his book Positive Intelligence that we adopt ten saboteurs or internal enemies. One voice is The Judge, whose opinion is often mistaken for tough-love.

It continually finds faults with yourself through a self-justifying lie: “The Judge’s most damaging lie is that we are not worthy of love or respect by just being who we are.”

In a similar vein, it was the Sufi poet Rumi who wrote: “Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

Which brings us back full-circle to the story title.

When you strip away the stories about who you think you are, you will uncover your authentic self, which at its essence is pure love.

So, make it a practice to meet with yourself in the mirror on a daily basis and come to love and accept the person reflected back to you.

After all, when you love yourself first life will undoubtedly take care of the rest.

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This Is Why You Should Not Let Fear Hold You Back And Inhibit Your Greatness

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” — Nelson Mandela

“How shall I rid myself of fear?”

“How can you rid yourself of what you cling to?”

“You mean I actually cling to my fears? I disagree.”

“Consider what your fears protect you from and you will see your folly.”

Anthony de Mello reminds us that our attachments to fear keeps us safe.

Reflect on it for a moment. You may hesitate to reveal your greatness because of the fear you will be found out to be an imposter.

Perhaps people won’t like you.

Your life will change and you may lose friends, distance loved ones and have to take on a new persona to deal with your newfound success.

What you are really afraid of, is fear not greatness.

Welcome to a world where our fears are real. However, the greatest madness is to accept your thoughts as truth.

How can they be?

How can an organ weighing 1,400 grams know the truth when it cannot distinguish between a lie told by another person?

I want to share with you a story highlighting how truth can be distorted.

Several years ago, I worked with a sports psychologist in a mentoring role. We were discussing my childhood fear of water.

I was seven years old at the time and learning to swim with classmates. One particular day, we were instructed to jump into the deep end of the pool where we would be caught by a trained swim instructor.

However, my fear of swimming in the deep end overpowered me and I formed a belief I wasn’t good enough given my inability to jump into water like the other children. The limiting belief (fear) stayed with me throughout adulthood because I believed it to be true.

One day during a mentoring session, the sports psychologist posed a question that challenged my belief and helped to uncover the truth.

“Tony, what would your seven-year-old self know about not being good enough?”

And there it was.

I had formed a distorted belief of my unworthiness at an impressionable age and kept it alive throughout adulthood because I believed my thoughts.

Don’t let fear hold you back from stepping into your greatest because fear is nothing more than an illusion to keep you safe. Though being safe stifles your personal growth and limits your potential.

“Fundamentals can be taught, but greatness must be caught,” writes Larry Weidel in Serial Winner: 5 Actions to Create Your Cycle of Success.

Fear is an imposter, a charlatan and a conniving intruder stealing your glory and inhibiting your freedom.

Don’t buy into the storyline it promotes but rather use it to step into your own power and claim your truth about your worth.

So, every time fear makes itself known, move into it. Run towards it since it is not a Sumo wrestler trying to take you down.

It is nothing more than a cloud of white smoke not intended to unsettle you, nor overcome you.

Fear is a trickster and a stealer of greatness. It conceals your authentic self because you concede to the narrative it preaches.

Why not subscribe to this story instead: You are a talented, gifted and unique soul whose time is yet to come.

Impress that upon your mind and feed it the right images until it becomes your reality.

“Feel the fear and do it anyway,” avows Susan Jeffers, and you will have silenced your demons.

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