Tony Fahkry's Blog, page 32

Why Releasing Pain From Your Heart Gives You The Freedom To Be Yourself

Love Must Flow Through You

“Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life’s search for love and wisdom.” — Rumi

Emotional pain strikes at the core of our being and can leave us feeling vulnerable in the weakest places.

Whether it’s pain accumulated from childhood or an intimate relationship dissolving, there’s a tendency to shut down afterwards.

People refer to the deep hurt that consumes them in the wake of a stressful experience. When they’re asked where it hurts, they point to their chest.

This is because the heart gives and receives love. So when you experience sadness or disappointment, it is natural to feel your heart is breaking.

The term heartbroken refers to the heart being pulled apart through grief or sadness. The good and bad news is that none of us are immune to it unless you’ve been living under a rock, which I trust is not the case.

Nevertheless, you cannot hold on to feelings of sadness and disappointment because doing so means to inhibit life flowing through you. It is akin to building a dam from piles of rocks in a flowing river. Eventually, the force of the water will erode the rocks or find its way through it.

Author Davidji writes in Sacred Powers: The Five Secrets to Awakening Transformation: “What has happened in the past can’t be changed. We can’t unring the bell, but we can move forward….and how you choose to move forward from this moment, is the choice that will determine the fabric of your life.”

Whilst pain can destroy your self-esteem, it will naturally recede and open your heart again. Love must flow through you because your core nature is vested in love.

Despite the hatred and evil in the world, love is the most powerful energy. Its healing ability shows that it is a powerful force in our lives.

No doubt if you’re reading this, you have been hurt before. Perhaps you are still carrying the pain and refusing to let go because who would you be without the pain?

It is difficult to release pain following a traumatic experience. There’s a sense of numbness, and emptiness in places you never knew existed. It’s natural to protect yourself by vowing never to be hurt again.

But as you know, the wall you build to protect you is the same wall that prevents love finding its way into your life. Remember my earlier metaphor of the dam built of rocks. Ultimately the wall will must come down if you wish to find the freedom to be yourself again.

“Vulnerability is an essential part of being human, and vulnerabilities are the doorways back into peace, joy, and love,” explains author Mary O’Malley in: What’s in the Way Is the Way: A Practical Guide for Waking Up to Life.

Heal Your Wounds

“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.” — Khalil Gibran

I want you to know it is natural to protect yourself.

It is natural to experience hurt when the pain is too much to bear.

It is natural to cry yourself to sleep because nothing else makes sense, other than to identify with your emotional wounds.

I know what it’s like because I have experienced deep emotional pain throughout my life. However I assure you, in the months and years that followed, it was the most pivotal point in my life.

I discovered the emotional pain settles and what is left is a most beautiful and expansive energy of love that has always been there.

“It is important to understand that you turn your pain into suffering when you resist it,” says Mary O’Malley.

I liken it to moon gazing where the clouds sometimes obscure the moon. Yet, when the clouds pass, a full moon reveals itself hidden briefly beneath the cover of clouds.

The same is true of your pain. You can hold on to the pain or choose forgiveness and self-compassion, so love flows through you once more.

The pain associated with heartbreak is the heart’s shell breaking open so love can flow freely.

Mary O’Malley says: “The more open your heart is, the more you have access to your natural state of peace, well-being, and ease, no matter what is happening.”

You are the embodiment of love. Pain and disappointment are transitory states unless you attach yourself to them.

Renew The Love In Your Heart

“Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.” — Joseph Campbell

How do you let go of the pain?

First, forgive yourself and others who contributed to your pain. If you need professional guidance, seek a trained counsellor or therapist who can direct your healing.

Forgiveness is the entry fee you pay for the freedom to be yourself once more. If the wall you constructed is your shield of protection, then forgiveness is the doorway through it. It shows you how to find inner peace, knowing you can withstand the torrents of life.

Forgiveness is the key to a better life and the freedom to experience the gentleness of love within your heart.

It is author Matt Kahn who states in Whatever Arises, Love That: A Love Revolution That Begins with You: “Through the welcoming of any feeling, cellular debris is released out of your energy field.”

Second, lean in to your pain and experience it at your own pace. Naturally, what you stow away builds energy, so the emotional wounds will consume you. I’ve spent the past decade coaching clients who experienced physical symptoms as a result of deferring their emotional pain.

In collaboration with trained therapists, I helped the individual to heal their emotional and physical pain so they were able to discover freedom within themselves.

By drawing on mindfulness and self-compassion, your emotional wounds can be transformed.

It was Jill Bolte Taylor, a respected neuroanatomist who suffered a stroke and wrote about it in My Stroke of Insight. She states: “It takes an emotion two-and-a-half minutes to move through your nervous system,” even debilitating emotions such as anger, sadness or grief. Yet many people hold on to their emotions for decades, to protect themselves from being hurt again while creating physical illness in their body.

Psychotherapist Linda Graham MFT writes in Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well-Being: “Processing an emotion entails perceiving it, acknowledging it, being with it, taking whatever information is useful from it, and then letting the wave move through the body (as it naturally will if we don’t grip it or feed it).”

Finally, make peace with the part of you that feels anger, fear, sadness or grief. Accept these emotions instead of pushing them down. Let go of guilt since it keeps you trapped and does little to transform your pain.

I don’t want to justify why bad things happen because I don’t have the answers and if I did, I would caution you to run quickly.

However, what I can say is that I’ve experienced pain and suffering at the deepest level and know there’s a reason why I attracted it. You may discover your reason or you may not.

Either way, I urge you not to focus on WHY an experience occurs, but how you can transform and heal the pain. Pay attention to HOW can you heal yourself and reclaim your freedom by renewing the love in your heart.

Only then will you have integrated the experience into the wholeness of your being and allowed the emotional intensity to dissipate through you.

After all, pain is not who you are, but something you experienced and you have the power to revoke anytime you choose.

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If You Want To Change The World, Start With Yourself First

Attend To Your Own Personal Development

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”—Leo Tolstoy

It was the American author and speaker John C. Maxwell who wrote: “Most people want to change the world to improve their lives, but the world they need to change first is the one inside themselves.”

Everyone has an opinion on what is wrong with the world, yet few will do the work to improve their own lives.

It is easy to draw attention to what is wrong in the world because on one level it is frustrating to observe these conditions and stand back while they take place.

I often remind myself and others, the world has existed for 4.54 billion years and is much older and wiser than us.

We have existed for a minor part in that timeline and conditions weren’t always ideal, in fact history shows conditions were less than idyllic.

So, a Utopian paradise needn’t exist for us to be happy. We can still thrive despite the unrest in the world because outside conditions aren’t as bad as you think they are.

If you want to change reality start with yourself first and attend to your own personal development. In doing so, problems give way to solutions and no longer affect you.

Author Larry Weidel writes in Serial Winner: 5 Actions to Create Your Cycle of Success: “If we all live the richest life possible, it’s personally fulfilling, but it also changes the world.”

Raise Your Level Of Consciousness

“I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.” — Mother Teresa

Most people are frustrated or angry with circumstances beyond their control. They believe if they can control these situations they will be happy.

Sometimes it is not possible since there are too many things to control. It requires redesigning your life to suit you, or playing God, neither of which are possible.

It is simpler to attend to your own personal development. So when you feel frustrated, angry or any other disempowering state, become curious and work on that part of you that is at war with reality.

It is futile trying to change conditions out there because life is constantly changing. It is like trying to keep plates spinning on a stick while more plates are added. You cannot keep up and they will eventually come crashing down.

It makes sense to work on yourself so that outside conditions no longer affect you as they once did. This is the key to enlightenment, raising your level of consciousness so you transcend problems with a higher awareness.

Albert Einstein recognised this principle when he said: “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”

Consider the following example, highlighting why you must attend to your own personal growth if you want to change the world.

Imagine 100 people who constantly complain about the state of the world. One day they collectively decide they’ve had enough and undertake personal development to change their lives.

Within months, they have stopped whining and are now open to embracing life instead of being mired in their problems. They act from a place of love, peace and joy.

You’ve heard it said, you are the sum of the five people you most associate with. Therefore, if 100 people can influence five others, we now have 500 people who are now more self-aware than before. If that cycle continues, a tipping point will occur so that anger and fear no longer prevail.

Now I am not naïve and know this Utopian reality will not miraculously emerge overnight if at all within the coming decade. Yet, undertaking personal development will not only help you, but influence those around you.

I have seen evidence of this with my family and friends and those I’ve coached. You change the world not by pointing out what is wrong with it, but by upgrading your model of reality to coincide with what you wish to see in the world.

It’s an inside-out job.

“You don’t have to change the world. You just have to change what you pay attention to in the world. And that, it turns out, is hugely powerful,” affirms Vishen Lakhiani in The Code of the Extraordinary Mind: 10 Unconventional Laws to Redefine Your Life and Succeed On Your Own Terms.

Upgrade Your Model Of Reality

“You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world.”―Woodrow Wilson

It was the late Dr Wayne Dyer, a well-known self-help author who said: “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” He knew change must first take place from within and has a ripple effect in the lives of others. If that change is powerful enough, it will gather momentum to affect the whole of humanity.

I admit, it is difficult to focus on what is right in the world when we are governed by our internal state which gets the better of us. The media add to the negativity by reporting bad news to promote fear, and it becomes challenging to break the spell.

I often succumb to these disempowering states at times, so it is remiss of me to offer the advice and claim not to feel this way.

Yet, through my own personal development, I’ve come to appreciate these are fleeting states and I don’t remain stuck in this condition for long. Awareness has taught me that what I focus on builds momentum and becomes integrated into my reality.

So the advice is clear and simple: be aware when you are pointing the finger outside of you. Go within and attend to that part of you that is inclined to judge outside circumstances as bad.

Heal yourself first by integrating your shadow self and be mindful of your thoughts leading you down a path of negativity. If you do this often, you will break the cycle of incessant thinking that dictates there is something wrong with the world. It is worth the effort to your personal growth.

Eventually, problems that once consumed you will no longer affect you because you have upgraded your model of reality to coincide with a new awareness.

The post If You Want To Change The World, Start With Yourself First appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

How To Successfully Achieve Your New Year’s Resolutions Video

Discover three powerful ways to successfully achieve your New Year’s resolutions in this new video blog for 2018:

1. Rather than pursue specific goals, focus on your personal development.

2. Take time for self-examination and go through the 4 questions.

3. Muscle test to see if the goal is a true statement for you.

To read the entire article mentioned in the video visit: http://www.tonyfahkry.com/how-to-successfully-achieve-your-new-years-resolution/

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Why Mistakes Lead To Massive Inner Growth When You Live Purposefully

Make Decisions In Alignment With Your Highest Values

“Success does not consist in never making mistakes but in never making the same one a second time.”― George Bernard Shaw

It’s certain if you’re reading this that you’ve made mistakes throughout your life, some of which you may regret.

Mistakes are unavoidable because they are sewn into the fabric of life and none are immune to them.

You might fear making mistakes because you believe they are damaging. Sometimes they are, for example taking a wrong dose of medication, cheating on your spouse or illegal activities.

But primarily we are talking about life’s mistakes related to: career, finances, business, health, etc.

Mistakes are pivotal in your personal development and lead to massive personal growth.

Stephen R. Covey states in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: “It is not what others do or even our own mistakes that hurt us the most; it is our response to those things.”

While mistakes are fundamental to your personal development, they can also erode your character and weaken your self-esteem. If you recollect back to your childhood, mistakes were associated with being reprimanded.

You may carry this burden throughout adulthood hoping to make amends, not realising you’re trying to heal something that is not broken.

I use the term purposefully in the title to draw your attention to living consciously, in contrast to automatically. The former invites you to make decisions that are congruent with your highest values and true character.

The latter denotes someone unconscious to their beliefs and motives. They act with little conscious awareness until much later on. They are living their childhood wounds without making peace with them.

Purposeful living means living intentionally with values that reinforce character. Therefore, if you are not making mistakes regularly, you are not abiding by your core values.

“Purpose in life is concerned with what we most deeply value, and purposeful living is concerned with whether we’re living for what matters most,” explains Victor J. Strecher in Life on Purpose: How Living for What Matters Most Changes

Mistakes are a doorway for inner expansion. They are pivotal moments in your life’s experience. The period that follows mistakes is characterised by a change in values and beliefs to coincide with a new level of awareness.

Mistakes Are Part Of Your Journey

“A mistake should be your teacher, not your attacker. A mistake is a lesson, not a loss. It is a temporary, necessary detour, not a dead end.” — Anonymous

I’ve had the good fortune of making countless mistakes throughout my life.

I turned my back on a career in the creative field because I was no longer passionate about it. This coincided with less than optimal health choices, including overconsumption of alcohol and junk foods, conducive to the creative profession I was in.

It took a health scare while abroad to evaluate what was important. When I look back on my mistakes, each one led to a shift in awareness and major breakthroughs.

You needn’t experience an awakening to receive the benefits of personal growth, however every mistake is an opportunity to expand your mental landscape.

You cannot make mistakes in a purposeful universe because there are no exams in life. I have no evidence of what takes place in the afterlife, let alone if it exists. For now, focus on the life you have and live it intentionally knowing mistakes are part of the journey.

Stephen R. Covey says: “Do not fear mistakes—fear only the absence of creative, constructive, and corrective responses to those mistakes.”

I was drawn to a comment on TV recently regarding a documentary about women living in the Australian outback, known for its harsh conditions.

One woman interviewed said something that personifies the spirit of life. After losing her husband in a tragic motorcycle accident on their property she said: “Life is not fair, but it is still good.”

In light of that, what if your mistakes were life leaving you clues to your success?

What if they were an opportunity to draw you closer to your goals?

Granted, they may be frustrating at the time and difficult to move past. The problem is not the mistakes themselves but your perception of them. It makes sense to consider problems as signposts leading to victory instead of obstacles slowing you down.

It was the late American businessman Thomas J. Watson Sr. who said: “Would you like me to give you the formula for success? It’s quite simple, really. Double your rate of failure … You’re thinking of failure as the enemy of success. But it isn’t at all … You can be discouraged by failure—or you can learn from it. So go ahead and make mistakes. Make all you can. Because, remember, that’s where you’ll find success. On the other side of failure.”

Live A Purposeful Life

“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed on an equal or greater benefit.” — Napoleon Hill

If you want to accomplish great things in life, strength of character is fundamental to achievement because it is developed in those tenuous moments.

To realise your goals, embrace mistakes and allow them to shape your character since you will appreciate them more when looking back on your life.

Mistakes are signs that lead to substantial inner growth.

They are crucial to nudging you closer to your goals and ambitions.

Mistakes are life’s way of teaching you vital lessons to expand your mind to new horizons you otherwise would not have expected.

Gary Keller and Jay Papasan believe, “Extraordinary results aren’t built solely on extraordinary results. They’re built on failure too. In fact, it would be accurate to say that we fail our way to success.”

“When we fail, we stop, ask what we need to do to succeed, learn from our mistakes, and grow. Don’t be afraid to fail. See it as part of your learning process and keep striving for your true potential.”

My past mistakes opened the doors to massive discoveries and a rise in motivation in the weeks and months that followed.

I liken it to once training with a boxing instructor years ago to improve my fitness. He would often strike me with a forceful blow to the head with focus pads when I dropped my guard. As much as I despised it, I become better at thinking on my feet and not reacting.

Therefore, my mistake of dropping my guard reminded me to protect my head at all times since I knew what would happen if I didn’t.

If you’re frustrated with your mistakes, I urge you to ask one simple question: “What could I possibly learn from this?”

That question alone will help you focus on solutions rather than being mired in your mistakes.

Consult those you respect whether they have made similar mistakes in the past. It might be the mistakes you’re making are ones most people make.

Ultimately, mistakes are crucial to learning and gaining knowledge and insights.

Learn to embrace them and rise above your fears to live a purposeful life that you have always sought to live.

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Stretch Your Mind Through New Experiences And Turn Your Excuses Into The Seeds Of Greatness

Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone Daily

“A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.” — Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr

The Master would laugh at his disciples who deliberated endlessly before making up their minds.

As he put it: “People who deliberate why before they take a step will spend their lives on one leg.”

Anthony de Mello’s tale underscores that direct action is more important than pondering on thoughts.

The mind must be stretched by new experiences otherwise it grows stale and listless.

Most people live dreary lives doing the same repetitive tasks, day in day out wondering why the magic and spontaneity has vanished.

They become habituated to this way of life without the freedom to explore their inner genius.

Authors Jeff Brown and Mark Fenske explain in The Winner’s Brain: 8 Strategies Great Minds Use to Achieve Success: “Some brains are more proactive than others. One of the best ways to take your use of memory to a higher level is by exposing it to as many new experiences as possible.”

It’s often stated that we must step out of our comfort zone to arouse our potential. Yet, it is near-impossible when you are caught up in tasks that subdue your creativity.

Reflect on the last time you tried a new experience?

Do you eat at the same restaurant because they serve your favourite food or perhaps you cook the same meals throughout the week?

Maybe you take the same route to work regularly or watch the same TV shows?

How about the endless chores that draw the life out of a person?

These are stalemates towards progress and innovation. Whilst they’re part of everyday living, you can learn to manage them better and avoid being trapped in the throes of survival living.

Steven Pressfield said in Do The Work, it wasn’t until he was thirty years old he’d entertained an original thought. Every thought before that was a regurgitation of the previous day’s thoughts.

Modern day life can become routine if you do not attend to the smallest details to live boldly.

It was the American management consultant Peter Drucker who said: “People who don’t take risks generally make about two big mistakes a year. People who do take risks generally make about two big mistakes a year.”

How then can you incorporate new experiences into your life?

Start with the smallest change and integrate something beyond the familiar.

You needn’t book an overseas trip to an exotic location or add a magical adventure to your bucket list. Start closer to home and occasionally take a different route to work.

Consider using your non-dominant hand for everyday tasks. Read new book genres or approach complete strangers with a view of starting a conversation. Yes, I know that means directing your attention away from your mobile device. I assure you, you’ll be fine.

These are examples of instances where novelty offers a great breakthrough to enrich your life’s experience.

It isn’t the action that’s of great importance but the uniqueness of it that has a powerful effect on your mind.

Expose Yourself To New Experiences

“If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” — Yogi Berra

We become familiar to the routines of everyday life and miss out on what is going on around us. To compound this, every person is tethered to their mobile device wearing it like a safety blanket.

Inspiration is closer to home than you think.

It was the late Stephen Covey, author of 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People who wrote: “We become what we repeatedly do.”

To stretch your mind, be open to new experiences beyond your daily habits and take notice of life with determined enthusiasm.

If you want to improve your conditions, you can’t keep doing the same things hoping to achieve different results. I’m not stating something new, but reiterating countless pieces of advice echoed in text books.

New experiences include: travel, a change in a career, learning a new language, undertaking a personal or professional development course, expanding your circle of friends, trying new restaurants and many others.

When you update the software program (mind), the body (hardware) reflects this to correspond with the change.

I often repeat this quote in earlier articles by the late Dr Candace Pert: “Your body is your subconscious mind.”

Dr Pert showed through scientific experimentation in her Ph.D. research that our emotions are a biochemical phenomenon expressed through the body as physical sensations.

If you have any doubts on this, consider when someone who hasn’t driven your car before overturns the ignition so it squeals on the first start. In contrast, you have learnt the precise turn of the key for the engine to start every time.

Dr Pert’s research showed when the hierarchal system of the brain learns a task, it subordinates control to the body where the memory is stored. Therefore, turning the ignition becomes an involuntary action instead of a conscious one.

This is apparent in highly tuned sports athletes and musicians where the individual has spent thousands of hours in deliberate practice fine tuning their motor skills.

Apply this principle to your life since the mind influences the body and conversely. By repeatedly exposing yourself to new experiences, you develop a new mental landscape for it to thrive.

Brendon Burchard writes in The Motivation Manifesto: “A hallmark of those who achieve greatness is the discovery that they can control the level of motivation they feel by better directing their own minds.”

Observe Your Problems In New Ways

“If you really want to do something you will find a way, if not you will find an excuse.” — Jim Rohn

Instead of making excuses for the way life is, mould it into something you can become proud of.

You have access to greatness because your mind is made of the same substance that drove the inventions of: Isaac Newton, Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and Albert Einstein.

They learned to harness their mind power while simultaneously being gifted with the right mental faculty.

Let’s be realistic, I’m not suggesting you become a world renowned genius overnight, yet you have the same hardware capable of producing greatness if developed correctly.

“Greatness belongs to those who have mastered their internal world. We are all plagued by doubt, but the great nevertheless find faith and begin. We all feel like delaying action, but the great march on,” explains Brendon Burchard once more.

Excuses keep you trapped in your conditions. I’m certain part of you believes in a better future; a better way of life. You needn’t know how you future will unfold. Make a declaration to move towards greatness and leave your excuses behind like the childhood toys you’ve outgrown and no longer serve a place in your life.

Excuses should not limit your potential, but show you the burning light of possibility that has been there all along.

Author Sean Patrick highlights this idea in Awakening Your Inner Genius: “The seed of greatness exists in every human being. Whether it sprouts or not is our choice. Second, that there are no such things as natural-born under- or overachievers — there are simply people who tap into their true potentials and people who don’t. What is generally recognized as “great talent” is, in almost all cases, nothing more than the outward manifestations of an unwavering dedication to a process.”

Perhaps your greatness has been dormant all these years, or needs to be roused. I assure you the moment you walk fearlessly towards greatness, it will run towards you with raging enthusiasm and show you the way.

It will show you infinite possibilities to explore your potential in ways you never thought possible.

First, you must stretch your mind and nurture it with the seeds of greatness, whether in the form of thoughts, actions or new experiences.

Rise above your daily habits and develop ones that build and strengthen character. Observe your problems in new ways and turn them into opportunities, not something to lament.

Awaken the giant within as Tony Robbins says because as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, greatness lives within you. It must, because you are born in the likeness of an expansive universe that knows nothing of crafting only the finest.

It was the acclaimed American screenwriter of The Godfather Mario Puzo who once said: “Great men are not born great, they grow great…”

What are you waiting for?

An invitation?

An awakening?

For the pain to hit home you’re not living your best self?

No one will give you permission other than yourself. So step into your greatness. Claim it in the same way you claim the adjacent lane when driving on the freeway; commit and move into it boldly.

For the Master knew we mustn’t deliberate long on taking action, but allow the seeds of our actions to show us the way.

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You Are Not Broken Nor Do You Need Fixing, Just More Self Love And Acceptance

Undergoing A Process Of Renewal

“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” ― Brené Brown

You are not broken and don’t need fixing.

What you need is self-love and self-acceptance to heal your fractured parts, so they are made whole again.

What you’re experiencing is an opportunity to grow which may appear as being broken. In fact, you’re shedding your old self to make room for the real you to emerge.

You don’t need more articles like this to convince you of your worthiness. Whilst they offer reassurance, they are only a guide because your true essence will emerge when you discard your former self.

Author and speaker Mike Dooley writes: “You do not need fixing or self-help so much as you need self-love and acceptance. When you show yourself unconditional love and compassion, old unhelpful patterns of thought and behaviour naturally begin to fade away.”

The heartache, pain and disappointment you experienced served a purpose; to awaken you to your greatest self. Regrettably, many people perceive this as being broken, when it is life leaving the door ajar so as to light the way for your transformation.

“Everything in your life—especially your challenges—is tailor-made to help you see your stories of struggle. Whatever is in the way is the way!” writes Mary O’Malley in: What’s in the Way Is the Way: A Practical Guide for Waking Up to Life.

You might think: why do I need to be transformed if I am not broken?

This is so you can experience the completeness of your being, which includes: awakening to your greater potential, giving and receiving love and discovering the essence of your true self.

You were never broken to begin with, but undergoing a process of renewal. Sometimes, it may look as though the pieces have fallen apart because you are yet to see the entire picture. It is akin to looking at the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, oblivious to how it will come together.

You have unrealised potential waiting to emerge. You need only take the next step and trust you are being guided to merge with your greater self.

Be Compassionate With Yourself

“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” ― C.G. Jung

Don’t be discouraged if life appears chaotic at times. This happens when you shift your attention to the fragmented parts instead of seeing how they will come together to form the whole.

You are comprised of light and dark, for each compliments the other in a sea of duality.

If you focus on the unintegrated parts, you are likely to perceive yourself as broken. Yet, when light and dark merge, they become one like the Yin Yang symbol, representing contrary forces that are complementary and interconnected.

Matt Kahn explains in Whatever Arises, Love That: A Love Revolution That Begins with You: “By loving what arises, you unearth the deepest understanding of the Universe in the most heart-centred way. As your heart opens, you are able to see how every circumstance and detail of life has been created only to help you grow on a spiritual level.”

Similarly, it was the French philosopher Pierre Teilhard de Chardin who said: “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”

You are likely to make mistakes, some of which you will regret. However, I invite you not to dwell upon your regrets but to be compassionate with yourself, so you continue to grow and evolve.

The human spirit seeks to evolve, otherwise you remain stuck and stagnant. This is what many experience around midlife when they lose their identity.

Some people spend a lifetime trying to fix themselves to become perfect to appeal to others. Yet, if they are not received in the manner they expect, they believe there’s something wrong with them.

I liken it to scrubbing rust off metal hoping it will reveal the beautiful chrome finish beneath. However, in scrubbing you realise the rust is a natural part of the metal. By embracing it, you come to appreciate it as a unique feature instead of something to be polished away.

“Some of us can accept others right where they are a lot more easily than we can accept ourselves. We feel that compassion is reserved for someone else, and it never occurs to us to feel it for ourselves,” states the Buddhist nun Pema Chodron in: When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times.

You are not broken but breaking through your shell to reveal your best self.

By accepting yourself as you are, you let go of the self-hatred and disempowering thoughts that obscure your true essence.

As a writer and speaker, I have noted the same themes come up in my writing and speaking over the past decade. That is: suffering results when you resist what is.

This idea is nothing new but something the Buddha touched on centuries ago. When we let go of resistance and accept the conditions of our life, what remains is peace and harmony.

Mary O’Malley says: “It is important to understand that you turn your pain into suffering when you resist it.”

Struggle Precedes Pain And Suffering

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” — Thich Nhat Hanh

Allow me to highlight this idea of releasing resistance through an example that occurred recently.

We experienced a terrible flu season in Australia this year, with many people falling ill, some requiring hospitalisation and sadly several people passed away. My family members and I succumbed to the flu, yet they took longer to recover because they resisted their symptoms.

I, on the other hand surrendered completely and remained in bed for three days without medication. I slept through the entire ordeal and allowed my body to sweat the fever. Within three days, I had regained my strength and was feeling considerably better.

I recall my naturopath saying at the time that illness helps the immune system practice its resistance to bacteria and virus. In doing so, it kills off weaker cells that atrophy and are purged from the body. What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.

The lesson here is: resistance leads to struggle.

Struggle always precedes pain and suffering.

To allow the energy of life to flow through you, let go of your resistance and accept the conditions of life.

You are not broken, so love yourself exactly as you are, allowing the next chapter of your life to unfold.

Psychotherapist David Richo outlines in The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them: “Our limits on self-acceptance are equal to the limits on our power to activate ourselves. The more we believe in our competence to reconstitute our broken state, the less we feel the fear that keeps us that way. Any event held in both hands combines reality with hope for renewal. That is what handling something means.”

Every new encounter is a catalyst for growth. The past is there for a reason and should not be carried into the present moment, because it discolours your present moment experience.

Surrender and trust that life has a plan for you, akin to the natural flow of water which finds its own level. Eventually, your personal growth will guide you to a wonderful place if you follow the current upstream instead of resisting it.

The key is to have faith in the process because the universe will not desert you. Sometimes it may look that way when you’re absorbed in pain and suffering. However, this is temporary and will eventually recede.

Allow life to heal your fragmented parts without dwelling on them more than you need to.

When the healing and transformation has occurred, you will have merged into the person that was there all along; your authentic self.

The post You Are Not Broken Nor Do You Need Fixing, Just More Self Love And Acceptance appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

If You’re Looking For Permission To Leap Into Your Own Success, Here It Is!

Develop A Deliberate Success Consciousness

“All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them.” — Walt Disney

Many people hope for success to rescue them from their dreary lives.

They put their life on hold until success comes along and declares them worthy of it.

Whilst I’m being facetious, it is relatable because many don’t realise success is something you earn through commitment, dedication and tenacious perseverance.

Many people don’t give themselves permission to be successful, because they prefer to play small, within their comfort zone.

What is stopping you from achieving the success you deserve?

Be honest with yourself.

You might say: ‘It’s the economy, a lack of education, fierce competition, or not having the right resources’ or many other reasons.

However, I’m certain there are people in your line of work who are flourishing. Why? Because they have the right mindset to succeed, and that is the primary reason you are not as successful as you’d like to be.

“People who are successful in life have one thing in common: They all seem to be doing something different and special with their neurocircuitry to maximize their potential and achieve their goals. We believe that’s what gives these people a Winner’s Brain,” writes authors Jeff Brown and Mark Fenske in The Winner’s Brain: 8 Strategies Great Minds Use to Achieve Success.

Let me explain what I mean by the right mindset, so as not to confuse you. I am not referring to knowing the tools of the trade, since it is assumed you do.

The right mindset refers to having a success consciousness. If you consider those who are successful in your field, what is the one thing they have in common? A deliberate success consciousness that allows them to be at the top of their field. They believe in themselves and their vision for success.

Developing a success consciousness involves overcoming failures and setbacks while holding firm to a commanding vision for success. It must take place within you first to be realised externally.

Your lack of success may have it origins in the limiting beliefs you hold because you think success will change your life.

However, the limiting beliefs get in the way of awakening your greatest potential and must be examined to ascertain whether there’s any truth to them.

Self-Imposed Limitations Keep You Safe

“If you are not willing to risk the usual, you will have to settle for the ordinary.” — Jim Rohn

You’ve heard it said that beliefs create your reality and by reinforcing them, you will feel unworthy of success. Unworthiness is tied to feelings of not being good enough and have their roots in a diminished self-confidence.

To overcome these beliefs, take purposeful action and move toward success, while attending to your mental landscape. You must nurture your thoughts and be attentive to what passes through the screenshot of your mind. Otherwise, you’ll succumb to disempowering thoughts related to your worthiness to attain success.

Brendon Burchard says in High Performance Habits: How Extraordinary People Become That Way: “No one can quiet you without your permission. No one can minimize your self-image but you. And no one can open you up and release your full power but you.”

I don’t care about your background, the fact you’re reading this now tells me part of you is attracted to the concept of success. Perhaps it has not manifested in your life at this point. That means little as long as you believe it is possible when you develop a success consciousness.

It requires removing the self-imposed limitations that keep you safe because playing it safe does little to assure you of the success you deserve. It keeps you trapped, stuck and stagnant, even when part of you yearns for something more.

Consequently, an internal battle ensues. I liken it to the tale of The Two Wolves And The One You Feed. Ultimately, the one you give more attention to will prevail.

If you’re looking for permission to leap into your own success, look no further than this point. You are worthy of success and everything it entails, yet you must embody it at a cellular level. It must become a mind and body experience, not something you merely hold in mind.

“Often, the journey to greatness begins the moment our preferences for comfort and certainty are overruled by a greater purpose that requires challenge and contribution,” explains Brendon Burchard.

When I say it must become a mind and body experience, I’m reminded of those I’ve crossed paths with over the years and complimented, whether for their performance or creative ability. Some people do not handle compliments well and shrug it off.

They doubt their ability and worthiness to be successful. On a conscious level, they long for success but have not reconciled it at a cellular level.

This is not an article on how to overcome your feelings of unworthiness, nor even a roadmap to break through to success, but something simpler. I’m here to grant you permission to be as successful as you can.

Success is your birthright. Don’t buy into the lie that you are unworthy or any other excuses why it is missing from your life.

The single biggest decision to make is decide you want it. Decide you are worthy of it and are capable of achieving it.

“You need no permission beyond that tingling hope in your soul,” affirms Brendon Burchard once more.

Decide On What You Want And Why You Want It

“If you set your goals ridiculously high and it’s a failure, you will fail above everyone else’s success.”— James Cameron

Stop focusing on your failures since this holds many people back. I liken it to driving from one point to another, looking in your rear vision mirror the entire trip wondering why you’re not getting to your destination.

You are smart enough to realise success is impossible to achieve this way. Yet, many people wonder why they haven’t achieved the success they deserve. It is because they focus on their setbacks and failures instead of seeing how they are signposts leading to success.

Jeff Brown and Mark Fenske explain: “Failure is an expected milestone on the path to success. Failing does not mean you can never succeed, it just means you don’t succeed every time. When you practice anticipating and accepting failure without fear or judgment, you leave the door open for success.”

If you decide you don’t want to be successful, be honest with yourself — there’s nothing to be ashamed of. However, if part of you has doubts about your ability to achieve it, there’s a conflict that must be reconciled.

You cannot expect to drive a car in forward and reverse simultaneously. You must decide on what gear to engage until you reach your goal.

Will setbacks and challenges show up?

You bet!

In fact, they are assured to the degree you will want to give up. But they are not there to stop you but to test you. To see how much you want success and how strong your vision and purpose is to realise your dream.

“You deserve extraordinary success just as much as anyone. And you don’t need anyone’s permission to start living life on your own terms. You just need a plan,” exclaims Brendon Burchard.

Whatever you want, declare it is possible and commit to it. Don’t stand on the sidelines hoping for the best because faith is not a precursor to success. Action, diligence, perseverance, commitment and a compelling self-belief are the trademarks of success.

You must decide on what you want and why you want it and be willing to trade something to gain something greater.

It is as simple and yet as complex as that.

If you are looking for permission to leap into your own success, you’ve come to the right place.

I trust in the coming days, weeks and months you will realise you are worthy of success and capable of achieving it – not for what it brings to your life, but because of whom you’ll become.

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This Is The Reason Why Many People Won’t Be Successful, Despite Their Best Intentions

Having The Right Intentions To Succeed Is Not Enough

“Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”—Winston Churchill

Occasionally an article comes along and ruffles your feathers. I’ve come across them many times and felt obliged to share my feelings.

However, when I regain my composure, I realise such articles force me to make adjustments to my life leading to positive change.

I trust this is one of those articles.

I don’t intend to affront you, but to awaken you. Something tells me you were drawn to this article for a reason. Whether subtle or otherwise, let’s share the journey together over the next five minutes and see where it leads.

Motivational speaker Brendon Burchard says: “A warrior’s destiny is greater than his wounds.”

If this article unsettles you, let me be the first to say, go with the resistance. Many people want to push against pain and miss out on the vital lessons that growth provides.

Why am I justified to deliver this advice?

I have studied human behaviour and success principles for over a decade while coaching thousands of corporate clients. In short, I appreciate the mindset required to perform at any level whether you’re a CEO, a musician, an artist or weekend sporting enthusiast.

Many people’s best intentions to succeed are not enough because good intentions do not align with progress. Many people hold the best intentions to exercise, to lose weight, to be committed to their marriage, yet fall short of achieving the results they deserve.

I’m not stating something new, because we are dealing with complex mental and emotional factors, not least of which are our beliefs and childhood conditioning.

Humans are complex beings. It is not new to you that what a person says and does, is different.

To highlight why many fail to attain success, consider the following account. There’s a story of a successful entrepreneur running a weekend seminar with audience members paying $1,000 each to hear him talk about wealth creation. The auditorium is filled with close to twenty thousand people.

As he settles in to the talk, he puts forward the question: “Who wants to learn about wealth creation and investing?”

Naturally, everyone raises their hand. The next bit is interesting. He states, 10% of the people present will follow through on their intentions and become wealthy. Moreover, 90% of the audience will not follow the strategies laid out and should go home now.

He says, 10% of the audience who are dedicated to following the strategies know who they are and should fill the seats at the front left behind by those leaving.

Consider what runs through a person’s mind who is told to leave a seminar, despite paying $1,000 to learn about wealth creation strategies?

While you may disagree with him, on some level he’s right because the numbers don’t lie.

Behavioural expert, John Assaraf tells a similar story. John is an internationally acclaimed author, speaker and entrepreneur who has amassed a fortune through various business ventures.

He states, out of one hundred people who claim wanting to make $1 million dollars a year, three to four of them will succeed.

Here’s his breakdown:

20% of the 100 people will cite an excuse why they failed.
Of the remaining eighty people, 16% will pull out due to various reasons.
Of the 67 remaining, 32 people will give up within 6 months when obstacles appear.
Of the 35 remaining, 90% will give up since they did it their way, instead of the way taught.

Therefore, out of those 100 people, three to four will follow through and achieve financial success.

According to John, 3% of the population will: listen, learn, apply and make things happen.

I find it fascinating not because I endorse John Assaraf or his teachings. I could narrate a story about Tony Robbins or Brian Tracy for that matter. The statistics cited are compelling on why success remains elusive to many, even the intelligent amongst us.

Pursue Success With Determined Resolve

“If you are not willing to risk the usual you will have to settle for the ordinary.” — Jim Rohn

So, do you have what it takes to be successful, whether financially, career or otherwise?

How do you know?

Napoleon Hill writes in Think and Grow Rich: “Every person who wins in any undertaking must be willing to burn his ships and cut all sources of retreat. Only by so doing can one be sure of maintaining that state of mind known as a BURNING DESIRE TO WIN, essential to success.”

If you read no further than this point, allow me to impress upon you the main reason many people won’t succeed despite their best intentions: they lack a burning desire.

Success requires a deep commitment and a compelling desire to succeed. You must want it more than air and water, not because of what it brings to your life but because of whom you become when you are successful.

Jeff Olson explains in The Slight Edge: “Every day, in every moment, you get to exercise choices that will determine whether or not you will become a great person, living a great life. Greatness is not something predetermined, predestined or carved into your fate by forces beyond your control. Greatness is always in the moment of the decision.”

What use is success and wealth if your health suffers, your marriage or relationships are in ruins and your character is damaged? I’m certain at the time of writing this Harvey Weinstein and Co can attest to the damage their indiscretions have brought to their lives and others.

“One of the most common causes of failure is the habit of quitting when one is overtaken by temporary defeat,” states Napoleon Hill.

This is the primary reason many won’t succeed because they allow their defeats to weaken their commitment to prevail instead of pursuing success with a determined resolve.

Defeat and failure suck.

Ask any entrepreneur or start-up founder. They are soul destroying and can break a person’s character. Equally, so is giving up. Nevertheless, if you lack a powerful WHY, failure and setbacks are likely to annoy you until you concede defeat.

Simon Sinek explains in Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action: “Regardless of WHAT we do in our lives, our WHY—our driving purpose, cause or belief—never changes.”

Moreover, it was Jim Rohn who said: “We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”

We mustn’t make success nor wealth our primary goal. These are by-products of pursuing excellence and aligning yourself with passion and purpose. If it were, billionaires like Warren Buffett and Bill Gates would hold on to their wealth instead of giving it away.

Sure, I get it, philanthropy is good marketing, but it is also aligned with the pinnacle of achievement where the individual gives back for the good fortune they gained.

Buffett was once quoted saying: “If you’re in the luckiest one per cent of humanity, you owe it to the rest of humanity to think about the other 99 per cent.” Sadly, not all billionaires share his optimism.

Pursue Something Greater Than Your Capacity To Achieve It

“The more you lose yourself in something bigger than yourself, the more energy you will have.” — Norman Vincent Peale

Success accompanies you when you are armed with a strong strength of character, a resolute conviction, and a powerful mind. If you set out to pursue success alone to the detriment of other qualities, you may prosper, but it will come at a price. Many fail to heed this advice and lead sorrowful lives because all they have is money.

There is nothing evil about gaining wealth and it is not the root of all evil. Hoarding and worshiping money while neglecting your character is a crime against the soul because the richest person in the cemetery is there for a reason.

That gives us a clue to what little time you have here must be used wisely and thoughtfully. Yes, be successful and explore your talents, gifts and genius as best you can. Be considerate with your accumulation of wealth, with the intentions to influence other people’s lives.

Many people won’t succeed because their WHY is not strong enough that when failure and defeat show up, they are likely to retreat. The person with a powerful WHY regards failure and setbacks as obstacles to overcome, not impediments to success. They are narrow minded and focussed on their vision because it is imbued with a greater purpose.

“Until a man selects a definite purpose in life he dissipates his energies and spreads his thoughts over so many subjects and in so many different directions that they lead not to power, but to indecision and weakness,” states Napoleon Hill in The Law of Success in Sixteen Lessons.

When you pursue a greater cause, you burn into your subconscious mind a commanding reason to never give up. Your WHY becomes your lifeblood; your air and water. Without a WHY tied to your purpose, it becomes a passion or a hobby, not an enduring truth.

With a substantial WHY, you will succeed assuming it is greater than your ability to capitulate to your failures. Setbacks is life playing the bully to find out whether you have the backbone to play big.

Playing big counts, whether you’re a blogger, musician, artist, programmer or entrepreneur. The human spirit has a purpose to soar, and this is why many feel stagnant when they sell themselves short.

So, dare to be great.

Dare to be brilliant.

Dare to show the world that failure, setbacks and obstacles are smaller than your WHY.

Show the world you can overcome any impediment beyond measure.

Only then will you succeed, no matter what I or anyone else has to say, because you will have aligned with your best intentions and delivered on your promise to fulfil your greatness.

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There’s Light at the End of the Tunnel When You’re Engulfed in Darkness

Nothing Is Permanent

“There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but the way out is through.” — David Allen

There is light at the end of the tunnel, but first we must inhabit the darkness with complete faith knowing respite awaits ahead.

The tunnel represents our life’s journey, filled with darkness. In such moments it’s natural to look for a way out, yet we should trust that a turning point awaits us further down the road.

The darkness can be terrifying when we’re stuck, unable to navigate our way ahead. It signifies the inner struggle where in moments of despair we feel helpless. However, these are inaccurate thoughts that can pull us deeper into this darkened state.

Trapped in a grim shadow of darkness can be unrelenting, given the cycle of suffering offers no respite. Yet, this is an illusion since we lose our place to the upheaval that surrounds us.

However unwelcoming our circumstances, we needn’t suffer alone. To have others accompany us reaffirms our faith in someone to lean on when it matters. This simple act of renewal strengthens our resolve because two souls walking into battle are soldiers in arms.

There’s a passage in the song Let It Be by the Beatles that reaffirms why we must allow circumstances to be as they are: “When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be. And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me, shine on until tomorrow, let it be.”

The light that shines on us is the contrast of light and dark, merged in the sea of duality. For instance, the cycle of darkness in the evening gives rise to the light at dawn. Within this order, life reassures us nothing is permanent; every experience endures its own rebirth.

We Have Little Control

“Persistent people are able to visualize the idea of light at the end of the tunnel when others can’t see it.” — Seth Godin

We are never stranded, however inhospitable the circumstances. How we internalise what unfolds, shapes our destiny.

When ensnared in darkness we have two choices: draw our attention to the fear or direct our focus towards the light. By doing so we renew our faith and trust that relief will soon follow.

Occasionally, there’s little we can do to change our conditions. At other times, we wrestle with the ruins of despair, knowing the darkness cannot extinguish the light of our eternal being.

“Impermanence is the goodness of reality. Just as the four seasons are in continual flux, winter changing to spring to summer to autumn; just as day becomes night, light becoming dark becoming light again—in the same way, everything is constantly evolving. Impermanence is the essence of everything,” avows the Buddhist nun Pema Chodron.

The darkness cultivates strength of character, just as the light illuminates the murkiness of night.

We may experience frailty in those dark moments, unable to make sense of our situation. Yet through the darkness, we surrender to life – all the while knowing we have little control after all.

It was Winston Churchill who said: “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”

We must advance through shadows of darkness if we wish to realise the lessons contained within our experience. To retreat is to lose sight of the personal growth life seeks to instil in us. Otherwise, we will revisit the lessons in a different form until we experience them fully.

Pema Chodron affirms once more: “We always want to get rid of misery rather than see how it works together with joy. The point isn’t to cultivate one thing as opposed to another, but to relate properly to where we are.”

Many succumb to feelings of depression because they lose sight of a way out. During uncertain times, one must take each day as it comes. This practice draws our attention to the present moment since that is all we have.

We gain great wisdom in our darkest hour, knowing our eternal soul cannot be obscured. Therefore, focus on the smallest progress during your moments of despair, instead of looking to a tomorrow which may not arrive as you hope for.

Licking Honey Off A Thorn

“We are all on the same path… Our separation from each other is an illusion of consciousness.” — Albert Einstein

Nothing is certain, apart from this moment.

Instead of surging towards the light, the smallest act forward renews our faith that there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

Contained within these marginal gains lie our yesterdays which give rise to new tomorrows.

Carl Jung said: “As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.”

So, how does one stay composed when ensnared in darkness?

Have faith, nothing lasts forever.

I am drawn to an old Hungarian proverb that reads: “Life is like licking honey — licking honey off a thorn.”

Even time is an illusion when immersed in the menacing darkness of a harsh reality. While in the midst of a tornado, sixty seconds seems like an eternity, and so it is with despair.

Consider what the experience is trying to teach you. If looking down on your life’s journey from above, what adjustments would you make going forward?

When trapped in your circumstances, look for the slightest respite in those untenable moments.

“The paradox is that going further into despair is what grants access to hope, going fully into pain grants access to healing, going fully into the dark opens to the light. An unconditionally embraced predicament becomes a threshold to what comes next,” states author and psychotherapist David Richo.

The darkness invites us to practice self-compassion and nurture equanimity within ourselves. We are called to exercise our noblest truths that lie at the heart of our being.

Equally, to lean on others during times of suffering summons us to trust and the assurance that we needn’t go through hardship alone. There is always someone by our side to help us reclaim our strength.

To find the light at the end of the tunnel, advance through the darkness knowing your compassioned hope for change lies around the corner.

“We are all heat-seeking missiles in search of comfort and pleasure, and we mightily resist any discomfort,” affirms author Mary O’Malley in: What’s in the Way Is the Way: A Practical Guide for Waking Up to Life.

I invite you not to frown upon your misery, yet embrace it as a doorway to inner transformation.

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Slow Progress Towards Your Goals Is Never A Reason To Give Up

The Pressure To Succeed

“Never discourage anyone who continually makes progress, no matter how slow… even if that someone is yourself!”—Plato

Does it occasionally feel you’re making great progress towards your goals while other times it appears that nothing is happening?

Don’t be discouraged by what you cannot see, because plans can come together at the drop of a hat.

Goal attainment is not linear because there are processes taking place behind the scenes beyond your awareness. To your way of thinking, it may seem nothing is happening, or that your goals are progressing slowly. This is only your perception because you are invested in the outcome.

Progress is not dependant on a linear pattern. We believe this model of progress and place expectations on how our goals will be accomplished. Moreover, we are disappointed when it doesn’t eventuate as planned.

Author Darren Hardy writes in The Compound Effect: Jumpstart Your Income, Your Life, Your Success: “If you are not making the progress that you would like to make and are capable of making, it is simply because your goals are not clearly defined.”

There’s an image often shared on social media depicting what success entails. Called The Iceberg Illusion, it highlights the unseen factors we’re unaware of that lead to success.

It’s easy to judge those who achieve overnight success or gain a lucky break. Truth is, had they not toiled away at their goal for years they would not have been in the right place to attract success. Had they given up or changed their goal, the opportunity may not have been presented to them.

It was John Lennon who wrote in the 1980’s song Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy): “Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans.” The person who hustles most strikes upon success because they are busy labouring away at their pursuit.

Nowadays, there is pressure from society to succeed. To be the next multimillionaire start-up founder, the next music prodigy or sporting hero. We need these people in our lives because they remind us success is attainable if we’re lucky enough.

However, what is not known to most is that the individual has been striving away at their respective sport or creative endeavour for years, if not decades. Success comes to those who hustle for it, not those who believe they are deserving because of talent or privilege.

Daily Action Grooves Mental Performance

“It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward.”—Proverb

Slow progress does not equal failure. It is progress, however slow it may be because you are moving toward your goals and desires. Let go of the belief that you are too old or not talented enough. I could list a host of people who were too old and not talented enough and yet still succeeded.

“Success is not something you pursue. What you pursue will elude you; it can be like trying to chase butterflies. Success is something you attract by the person you become,” says Darren Hardy.

It could be that your goal requires a longer incubation period. You might need to develop key proficiencies in certain areas before your goal is reached. Otherwise, success will be short lived. You only get one good go at it, so it’s best not to rush the process.

Bide your time and develop your key abilities so when the time is right, you will reach your goal and sustain the success.

You may have heard the story of the Chinese Bamboo Tree?

The tree shows no sign of growth for four years. Once it is planted, it requires constant nurturing, fertilizer and watering, yet nothing happens within the first year. The process of nurturing and watering takes place in the following years and still there’s no sign of growth.

But then something magical happens in the fifth year. Within five weeks the bamboo grows between 25—27 metres (82—88 feet). The tree lies dormant for four years and its biggest growth occurs in the final period of its life.

“It’s not the big things that add up in the end; it’s the hundreds, thousands, or millions of little things that separate the ordinary from the extraordinary,” explains Darren Hardy.

To relate another similar example, I have been performing pull ups every day for the past decade without fail. Unless I’m travelling or sick, I’ll complete 20—40 pull ups throughout the day. It’s a habit I picked up long ago to make up for being unable to do three pull ups at one point. So I created a competition with myself to increase my repetitions daily. From that point, the obsessive habit has become a ritual I’ve stuck with for as long as I can remember.

Here’s where it gets interesting. If I do the least amount of 20 pull ups per day, in one week I will have completed 140 pull ups. That equates to 600 per month and a staggering 7,300 pulls up per year.

Let me be clear, I am not muscular nor stronger than most people. I weigh 78 kg (171 lbs) and stand at 180cm. The point worth emphasising is that an action performed consistently accumulates momentum over the long run.

Why do I do it you ask?

Accomplishment.

When nothing is going right or I’m having a bad day, knowing I’ve completed my pull ups provides a sense of progress. It relates to the mental battle that plays out in my mind and has little to do with the exercise itself. I could replace pulls up with the number of words I write or practicing guitar chords. It is the habit and daily action that grooves the mental performance to achieve your goals that matters in the long run.

Retired United States Navy admiral William H. McRaven affirms in Make Your Bed: Small Things That Can Change Your Life… And Maybe The World: “Remember… start each day with a task completed.”

Don’t Be Defined By Your Circumstances

“No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.”—Tony Robbins

Slow progress leads to mental resiliency and personal growth. We must have our wits about us when we play the long game. It is no longer a sprint battle but a game of endurance and sustainability. It is said, we must be stubborn about pursuing our goals, yet flexible in our approach. Slow progress allows you to develop the right mindset to achieve your goals.

I recall listening to an interview with the Australian 2011 Tour de France winner Cadel Evans who was runner up in 2007 and 2008. He said, winning the 2011 title was the culmination of 20 years of dedicated work resulting in near misses. Persistence pays off no matter how long the race is.

Angela Duckworth says in Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance “As any coach or athlete will tell you, consistency of effort over the long run is everything.”

Stamina, grit, resiliency, mental strength and perseverance are the hallmarks of a champion mind. These are the qualities of successful leaders because they push past their pain. They reframe the concept of losing and failure and turn it into success and triumph. They develop a powerful strength of character and are not defined by their circumstances since their WHY? is greater than their failure or losses.

William H. McRaven reminds us once more: “True leaders must learn from their failures, use the lessons to motivate themselves, and not be afraid to try again or make the next tough decision.”

I leave you with a thought to contemplate.

Don’t be discouraged by the time it takes to achieve your goals or dreams. Don’t dwell on your circumstances as signs of progress since looks can deceive as evident with the Chinese Bamboo Tree story.

Harness your personal growth and inner resources to achieve your goals by consistently chipping away at it.

Because when the time is right, success will greet you, not because you are deserving of it or have earned it, but because you have pursued it long enough to know it is your right to claim.

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