Tony Fahkry's Blog, page 30

Why The Greatest Thing You Can Do For Yourself Is To Nurture Your Personal Growth

Persistent Action And Diligence

“You don’t need to change the world; you need to change yourself.” ― Miguel Ruiz

Here’s a piece of wisdom I discovered many years ago: The world doesn’t need changing. We must first become the change to affect the world in a better way.

Moreover, the world cannot be changed when you focus on what is wrong with it. Change begins closer to home by supporting your personal growth which impacts not only your life but the lives of those around you due to its ripple effect.

It is akin to nurturing a seed that blossoms into an exquisite flower. If the nurturing process is cut short, it will not reach its full potential.

This is the issue faced by many people when they invest in their personal growth. Within months or years, they stop making real progress or resort to reading inspirational quotes or books hoping this will feed their soul.

Jeff Olson echoes this sentiment when he writes in The Slight Edge: “The greatest gift you could ever give yourself is also the wisest business investment you could ever make. It is also the most critical step in accomplishing any challenging task, and is the one step without which all other success strategies, no matter how brilliant or time-tested, are doomed to fail. What is this mysterious gift? It is your own personal development. Investing in your own improvement, your own personal growth and betterment, is all these things and more.”

Personal growth requires persistent action and diligence to transform your former self.

It involves self-examination and taking the long road instead of the quick path. Personal growth may not bear fruit for a long time, yet almost overnight you will see the harvest of your labour before your very eyes.

As testament to this, I have been working on my personal growth for the last decade and a half. Whilst it needn’t take people this long to change their life, I have seen many changes in this period that I wouldn’t have experienced had I taken shortcuts.

Enrich Your Personal Growth

“Be not afraid of growing slowly; be afraid only of standing still.”—Chinese Proverb

I realise growth and transformation is difficult since there will be little to show other than disappointment, especially when the thing you are working to improve leads to the contrary.

For example, you might focus on improving your communication with work colleagues, however you notice things do not change but get worse.

This is because in the initial period your limiting beliefs still take centre stage as you try to replace them with new beliefs. This temporary period is where old beliefs come to the surface so the new beliefs can be integrated into your life.

What you’re experiencing is the wake of your former life trailing you. In the ensuing months and years, the old beliefs and habits will eventually recede to give way to the person that you become.

Founder of Mindvalley, Vishen Lakhiani argues why personal growth must happen earlier in our lives in The Code of the Extraordinary Mind: 10 Unconventional Laws to Redefine Your Life and Succeed On Your Own Terms: “Personal growth can and should happen throughout life, not just when we’re children.”

Personal growth shapes your mind and character. For example, I was a boisterous teenager, a pattern that followed me throughout my adult life until my 20’s.

I thought I had all the answers and encountered many problems relating to people. My relationships were transient and skimmed the surface. I didn’t know how to form close connections with friends, work colleagues or even intimate relationships.

Every time I tried, within months, the relationship would fall apart and I blamed others, instead of seeing how I contributed to the collapse of the relationship.

However, in the decade that followed I experienced richer and deeper relationships with my family, friends, colleagues and those I meet. I attribute it to having cultivated my personal growth at a deeper level instead of dismissing it as unimportant.

Even now, I take a magnifying glass to a behaviour, belief or characteristic and examine it to see whether it is serving me. If it doesn’t, I form a new belief or behaviour and integrate it into my life, so it becomes the person I intend to be.

This has brought many advantages, least of which was I liked the person I was becoming. My relationships with others were less complicated, and I found what triggered me earlier now had little effect.

The point is, taking the time to enrich your personal growth not only pays dividends, it changes your life in a multitude of ways. It is the person you become, the people you meet, the experiences and the opportunities that are of greater importance.

Take Nothing For Granted

“We should not judge people by their peak of excellence; but by the distance they have travelled from the point where they started.” ― Henry Ward Beecher

I’ve had the pleasure of having three world-acclaimed authors write the foreword on my books, because I reached out to them and developed friendships, since I believed in my self-worth.

I mention this not to impress you, but to impress upon you that anything is possible when you work on yourself instead of believing your character is fixed.

Character is malleable.

What we know of neuroplasticity applies to character, where it can be moulded to the person you wish to become.

Personal growth is a long and arduous journey that many do not embark upon given the little sign of progress, initially. However, a turning point occurs where everything falls into place and all the work and effort suddenly takes shape.

Retired United States Navy admiral William H. McRaven writes in Make Your Bed: Small Things That Can Change Your Life… And Maybe The World: “Life is a struggle and the potential for failure is ever present, but those who live in fear of failure, or hardship, or embarrassment will never achieve their potential. Without pushing your limits, without occasionally sliding down the rope headfirst, without daring greatly, you will never know what is truly possible in your life.”

Personal growth is an enriching experience because it leads you to the person you are destined to become. It is a continuous journey where every day differs, so you experience a greater version of yourself.

There were times I revisited earlier experiences because I had not assimilated them deeply enough. It was frustrating because I assumed I had overcome this lesson. However, by repeating the experience, I went deeper into it and assimilated the lessons into my new life.

The fact you’re reading this now shows you value your personal growth, whether you are inquisitive about it or it has been something you have been nurturing for a while.

Your personal growth never stops and will lead you in a different direction with greater lessons contained within those experiences.

You will never reach your personal growth potential whilst you’re alive, even if you are awakened, since there is always something to learn and integrate into your human experience.

For now, savour the journey and nurture your growth as best you can. Be inquisitive about the experiences buried within your lessons and take nothing for granted.

You may revisit old lessons from time to time to learn something new or the journey may take you in a different direction.

Embrace these experiences and trust you are being guided to become a greater version of yourself, so you may come to experience the wholeness of who you really are.

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How To Fall In Love With Your Life’s Journey

Discover three ways you can fall in love with your life’s journey and make it yours.

Your Call To Greatness

To live a remarkable life, you must take consistent action in spite of your fears and doubts. Don’t forget to download your FREE COPY of my comprehensive eBook: NAVIGATE LIFE and embark upon your journey of greatness today!

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Why The Purpose For Your Life Is To Experience The Fullness Of Who You Really Are

Life Will Not Always Go According To Plan

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honourable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

The purpose for your life is to experience the wholeness of who you really are.

Many people believe their purpose in life is to find happiness. This might be true if you were living in a Utopian society, but I don’t believe happiness is the sole purpose for life but one part of it.

If happiness is our primary aim, why are so many people unfulfilled when there are more opportunities than ever?

People are living longer with better access to health services and cleaner food. We are more connected to one another through social media, yet some might argue this is the cause of unhappiness.

Nevertheless, our lives are better and yet unhappiness and disappointment is still apparent because whilst living conditions are better, people’s central needs are not being satisfied.

Certainly, I appreciate why people are unhappy; they have financial and family matters and relationship, career, societal and environmental problems. However, if you tie your happiness to having your external needs fulfilled all the time, happiness will elude you.

So, if happiness is not the main aim of life what is?

I contend the purpose of life is to experience the extent of your being. This means life will not always go according to plan and there will be times you will experience heartache, pain and disappointment.

Though it’s worth knowing this is not the end of the road, nor does it underscore how the rest of your life will unfold. It is a tiny blip in your entire journey because just around the corner something could change the course of your destiny forever.

Author and psychotherapist David Richo writes in The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them: “In the human realm there is said to be just the right mix of suffering and joy for us to awaken, to become enlightened. In other words, the givens of life help provide us with the perfect, awakening blend of experiences.”

Awaken To Your Humanity

“Let others lead small lives, but not you. Let others argue over small things, but not you. Let others cry over small hurts, but not you. Let others leave their future in someone else’s hands, but not you.” — Jim Rohn

If you compare your life as taking a road trip from one state to another, it is natural there will be times when the trip will not go as planned. You may get a flat tyre in the middle of nowhere or develop a mechanical problem that requires immediate repair. This doesn’t mean the journey is over, only you must find other arrangements to get to your destination.

Life functions in the same respect insofar as when everything is smooth sailing, you might presume life will continue down the same path. However, when an unpleasant event arises, you are taken aback how things could turn so quickly.

But as you know, life can change at the drop of a hat and this is not a sign your life is not unfolding as it should.

This wonderful experience called life is an amazing journey intended to help you discover who you really are.

I realise not everyone holds a spiritual perspective of life, though many sages and enlightened masters have proposed that the purpose of life is for divinity to experience itself through you.

In other words, the universe cannot experience itself in physical form, so it does so through physical form and matter. Knowing that, you will face a variety of experiences intended to awaken your humanity, some of which may test you while others will inspire you.

This is part of a greater plan for your life and I’m not talking about destiny nor even religious precepts. The choices you make compound over time so you will either experience pain or pleasure.

Consider author Victor J. Strecher’s perspective in Life on Purpose: How Living for What Matters Most Changes Everything where he explains the difference between embracing a hedonic or a eudaimonic aspiration: “Those who attained hedonic aspirations, however, reported greater anxiety and physical symptoms of poor health, whereas those attaining eudaimonic aspirations reported greater life satisfaction, self-esteem, and positive feelings.”

Experience The Fullness Of Who You Really Are

“Every choice before you represents the universe inviting you to remember who you are and what you want.” — Alan Cohen

Some people become enslaved to their emotional pain and are unable to navigate their way out, despite their best effort. Similarly, others are obsessed with pleasure and may lead a hedonistic life which is not sustainable.

Neither are right nor wrong, but doing the best they can with their level of awareness. As you upgrade your level of awareness the more informed choices you make.

Pain and disappointment are not indicators of living an imperfect life. I would argue it denotes spiritual progress as long as the individual continues to grow and evolve from their experiences.

“Everything changes and ends. Things do not always go according to plan. Life is not always fair. Pain is part of life. People are not loving and loyal all the time,” explains David Richo.

Life is difficult, and no one has a true idea of their primary motives. I say that in the best possible way. You are making up life as you go along, hoping for the best and trusting the next chapter will unfold according to your choices.

The more informed and conscious you are, the better the outcome of your life.

To experience the fullness of who you really are, embrace every experience and discover the lessons contained within those experiences. Learn and grow from them while you evolve.

When you look back on your life, you will realise that every experience was essential to shape your character into the person you are today.

David Richo says: “The givens of life are gifts because they are the ingredients of character, depth, and compassion.” These are the values we must cultivate in our life foremost if we wish to live fully.

Through my studies of ageing populations over the last decade, I’ve observed those who faced immense difficulties in their life will lead long and robust lives. Perhaps it is because they grow resilient in the face of their struggles or as the adage goes: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

So welcome every experience and see it as the entirety of your growth and development.

When the time comes to reflect on your life, you will realise that every experience was perfectly orchestrated by you so that your evolution is complete.

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How To Fall In Love With Your Life’s Journey And Make It Yours

 Comparing Your Life To Others

“You must not let your life run in the ordinary way; do something that nobody else has done, something that will dazzle the world. Show that the creative principle works in you.” — Paramahansa Yogananda

Are you at war or at peace with your life?

Does it feel like a series of challenges to overcome than a journey of self-discovery and fulfilment?

It’s important to know how you feel about your life’s journey to make sense of it. Perhaps you haven’t given it much thought, yet below the surface something is simmering.

You might find yourself reacting to situations or become agitated or frustrated things aren’t going your way.

I want to put your mind at ease because what you’re experiencing is normal and you are bound to face it from time to time.

It’s no use complaining, since what you focus your attention on will only grow stronger. As a testament to this when I’m running seminars, I often ask audience members to close their eyes and bring their awareness to a part of their body in pain.

I invite them to focus on the discomfort and identify what the pain feels like. This exercise lasts a few minutes before they open their eyes and describe the emotional relationship to their pain.

Many people describe the pain with intensity. Once they recognise these emotions, I ask them whether they are apparent in their life.

It is my experience, what a person feels in their body as pain or discomfort is a result of what is going on in their life.

The mind-body experience is powerful and if you’re not aware what is happening below the level of your thoughts, it can manifest as pain in the body to draw your awareness to it.

Author Matt Kahn touches on this idea of releasing cellular debris by identifying with your pain in Whatever Arises, Love That: A Love Revolution That Begins with You: “Just by bringing greater attention to the part of your body where strong emotions or physical pain linger, you are loosening each layer of cellular memory to assist in another moment of healing.”

Many people are unhappy with their lives and compare it to others which only intensifies their pain.

It’s natural to compare yourself to other people when you’re not living to your fullest potential. But that is unwise because you are comparing your behind-the-scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel.

No Two Journeys Are The Same

“Instead of wondering where your next vacation is, maybe you ought to set up a life you don’t need to escape from.” — Seth Godin

In this period of Instagram living where everyone Photoshops the best version of their lives, it’s difficult to find your way amongst the disingenuous.

You will never get it right as long as you’re alive because there’s always something to learn: something to gain, something to let go of, to heal, to overcome or make peace with.

Your life is a wonderful journey of peaks and valleys and it is unfolding perfectly contrary to your beliefs.

There’s a simple message from author Tommy Baker who writes in The 1% Rule: How to Fall in Love with the Process and Achieve Your Wildest Dreams: “As you go on about your own race, your life’s journey, remember to stay in your lane. While watching others can give you a boost of inspiration, the real win is keeping your eyes on the daily prize as your successes start to add up, and the transformation that has evaded you comes to life.”

Your life’s journey is a delightful narrative shaped by you the director, the producer and main character. You can manifest a better version of your life if you’re willing to take control instead of believing you are powerless.

You have the potential to create the ideal conditions when you your power is something that must be cultivated, not left to chance. Up till now, you haven’t guided this power properly and because of this your problems seem bigger than you.

It was Albert Einstein who said: “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” That is, you must step outside your known paradigms and consider your situation from a different perspective, with fresh eyes.

Moreover, you may not know what you want out of life which is reflected through your current circumstances. Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean you are not complete or whole, just that you haven’t taken action to steer your life in a different direction.

Your life is a magnificent unfolding performance and you needn’t tie it to how successful you are now because success is transient. Success comes and goes and whilst it may last years, it can unravel like a sequined necklace if an area of your life goes south.

You must fall in love with your life’s journey and make it yours because no two journeys are the same, not even among twins. Comparing your life to others seldom brings peace and joy, but only heartache and misery, because you think you’re not living to your fullest potential.

What if you are?

What if your potential is being unearthed through your setbacks and challenges?

What if the thing you dislike about your life is creating the circumstances for your life’s journey to flourish in the years ahead?

It was the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius who said: “The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”

To put it another way, author Mary O’Malley writes in What’s in the Way Is the Way: A Practical Guide for Waking Up to Life: “Everything in your life—especially your challenges—is tailor-made to help you see your stories of struggle. Whatever is in the way is the way!”

When The Hero’s Journey Is Complete

“Most of us do not ‘sculpt’ our lives. We accept what comes our way, then we gripe about it.” — Susan Jeffers

To fall in love with your life it’s imperative to embrace the journey replete with the lows. I’m not suggesting you fall in love with misery or disappointment, but consider them as fleeting moments in your life’s journey. They’re intended to advance you not stop you, since your journey is exactly as it should be.

However, if you become mired in your circumstances, you will think your problems are bigger than you and be unable to overcome them.

Problems are not Stop Signs, they are Give Way signs. They give way to your greatest potential because without obstacles and challenges how will you realise who you truly are?

It is what psychotherapist David Richo explains in The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them: “Saying yes to reality—to the things we cannot change—is like choosing to turn around and sit in the saddle in the direction the horse is going.”

To discover your true essence, reach into your core being where your setbacks and challenges can be overcome. The good and bad news is, none of us are immune to them, not even the Instagram stars. I wager that if they compiled the low points of their life online, there would only be a handful of followers.

So embrace this one life you are given.

Savour the highs points and welcome the low points because contrast serves a purpose; to help you discover what is meaningful to you.

What is your life’s narrative leading you towards?

Is it one of persistence, compassion, self-esteem or courage?

As the main star of your show there’s a theme or narrative that interweaves through each scene until the final one when the hero’s journey is complete.

Don’t give up on the hero’s journey, because when everything seems bleak with no end in sight that is when your life will come together exactly as it should.

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Coaching and Mentoring Program

Whether you want to overcome limiting beliefs, build successful habits or increase your performance and productivity, my coaching and mentoring program can offer you the improvements you look for. The program runs over 8 weeks with weekly sessions spanning 1 hour. They are geared around: coaching and guidance, conversations and of course transformation. For more information contact me via http://www.tonyfahkry.com/ via my contact page.

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Why The Fear Of Success Is Nonsense. It’s The Fear Of Hard Work That Frightens People Most

Is The Fear Of Success Is Real?

“Procrastination is the fear of success. People procrastinate because they are afraid of the success that they know will result if they move ahead now. Because success is heavy, carries a responsibility with it, it is much easier to procrastinate and live on the “someday I’ll” philosophy.” — Denis Waitley

I might risk alienating some people in this article, possibly offending others. However, if it means forcing you to think about the topic differently, I will have done my job to serve you.

Is fear of success real?

Is it possible to have a fear of: wealth, recognition, serving others, playing bigger, impacting humanity and having your work serve a wider audience?

Fear of success, I call nonsense.

I’ve never heard of someone being diagnosed by therapist with fear of success syndrome, notwithstanding those who experience trauma or some form of PTSD. There is always something else lurking beneath the surface. It requires deeper investigation to uncover what the hidden fears are.

Fear of success is a disguise because it convinces you success is possible.

It is not. It is never within reach.

Even at the last minute, circumstances can change at the drop of a hat.

You can toil away for years and not strike upon success while other people strike it lucky within a few months or years. They will tell you how they followed a specific formula that ensured their success.

There isn’t a formula that will ensure success because the term means something different to you and me.

The same formula that worked for them may not work for you and millions of others. That’s why online courses that guarantee results seldom work. You need to get close-up with the individual to serve their needs if they want to succeed.

Why would anyone fear the very thing they want so much?

The very thing they put their lives on hold for?

The very thing for which they sacrifice their: health, family and personal relationships?

I get that you can fear the trappings of success if it happens quickly, yet for many this isn’t something to worry about because not everyone will experience success like J. K. Rowling.

I don’t understand why the fear of success is real. Am I naïve to think that success will be handed to a person overnight if they follow the rules and work hard?

Come on, surely we know by now there is no such thing as an overnight success. Those who are ascribed this label have been toiling away at their skill from many years, maybe even decades.

Success Is Guaranteed To No One

“I’m doing everything I can to sabotage my career. It’s a little thing called “fear of success.” — Jon Stewart

Countless people come to mind who pursued their careers until they achieved success. You can’t apply a formula to success because in the hands of the wrong person, success is like handing the lottery to someone with poor money management skills.

I appreciate the idea of replicating your mentors to achieve success. Yet, some people starting out will experience a different result because there are many unknown factors that contribute to success.

For this reason, I believe fear of success is really the fear of hard work. It is what author Steven Pressfield calls resistance that stops many from achieving their finest work. Here resistance holds the individual back from writing the first draft of a book they’ve been wanting to pen for years.

Resistance stops you sitting down to hone your craft or focus on deliberate practice to fine tuning your motor skills.

Jeff Olson says in The Slight Edge that taking action can be easy or hard, it depends on your outlook: “Here’s the problem: every action that is easy to do, is also easy not to do.”

A client whom I working with recently shared a photo posted outside her young son’s classroom that read: “Why can’t I skip my 20 minutes of reading tonight?”

A ‘C’ student who reads one minute each day, equates to 180 minutes in a school year. This is the equivalent of 8,000 words per year or the 10th percentile on standardised tests.

A ‘B’ student who reads five minutes each day, equates to 900 minutes in a school year. This is the equivalent of 282,000 words per year or the 50th percentile on standardised tests.

An ‘A’ student who reads 20 minutes each day equates to 3,600 minutes in a school year. This is the equivalent of 1,800,000 words per year or the 90th percentile on standardised tests.

By the end of sixth-grade an ‘A’ student will have read the equivalent of 60 whole school days. A ‘B’ student will have read only 12 school days. Which student would you expect to have a better vocabulary? Which student would you expect to be more successful in school and in life?

Fear of success or fear of hard work you say?

Hard work and persistence is something children are made aware of at a young age, for they are taught that nothing comes easy. It becomes clear as they pass from year to year some of their schoolmates earn lower grades while others excel.

Hard work requires commitment, dedication and perseverance and if you have satisfied all these requirements, there’s still no guarantee the pot of gold awaits you.

Hard work is terrifying because it means putting your heart and soul on the line with little or no success guaranteed. It requires discipline, a tenacious will and determination to become a student of knowledge, skill and wisdom

Hard work is not for everyone and only a few become successful because they are willing to dedicate themselves to their skill. They are willing to become the best instead of mediocre skill and talent.

Pursue Excellence And Success Will Follow

“Success is not built on success. It’s built on failure. It’s built on frustration. Sometimes it’s built on catastrophe.” — Sumner Redstone

The same principle I described earlier to students applies to many other areas such as sports, music and the creative fields. For example, there’s no such thing as a child prodigy violinist. Behind every genius is a student who practices 7–8 hours a day with the right mentors and teachers to guide their musical career.

You cannot leave success to chance. It must be nurtured and cultivated and given your undivided attention. You must greet it with humility and respect because like the wind, it can turn at a moment’s notice and go in search of someone else who will create the right environment for it to flourish.

“Bear in mind though, that there is a difference between demanding success and just merely wishing for it. You should find out what this difference is, and take advantage of it,” writes Napoleon Hill in The Law of Success in Sixteen Lessons.

Success is fickle.

Success is an antagonist.

It will serve you if you oblige it through hard work and labouring away day in day out, month in month out, year in year out. Success is not something to be pursued, but is awarded you as a result of hard work, grit and dedication.

The message is clear according to author Brendon Burchard who writes in High Performance Habits: How Extraordinary People Become That Way: “Be more intentional about who you want to become. Have vision beyond your current circumstances. Imagine your best future self, and start acting like that person today.”

If you want success, put in the hard work.

If you want success, pursue excellence.

If you want success, dedicate yourself to your life’s task.

If you want success, stop making excuses why it hasn’t showed up and do the work to draw it closer to you.

If you want success, stop playing small and create impeccable value for others.

Put their needs first before yours. Serve them in the best way possible without wanting anything in return. Do it for the love of the game. The love of your passion.

If you want success, make a commitment and never give up until your hard work is rewarded for the years of putting your heart and soul on the line.

The hard work will accompany you as you realise your greatest potential and persevere in the face of unwelcoming circumstances.

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6 Important Questions That Will Improve The Quality Of Your Life

Powerful Questions Lead To Powerful Answers

“We hear only those questions for which we are in a position to find answers.” — Friedrich Nietszche

It was the ancient Greek philosopher Plato who is credited with saying: “The unexamined life is not worth living.” He realised that to live a complete life we must examine it truthfully.

If you don’t make time to examine your motives, it may catch up to you. Why? Many people are dictated by their unconscious desires instead of making conscious choices. They have a habit of reacting instead of responding to what is taking place in their lives.

I’m not suggesting they are entirely to blame, because on some level they are unaware of their behaviour. It is only when a situation does not play out as expected, that they evaluate their choices.

This is not a good recipe for living because reacting to outside events is not empowering, since you are dragged by your circumstances instead of taking life into your own hands.

Author Malcolm Collins writes in The Pragmatist’s Guide to Life: A Guide to Creating Your Own Answers to Life’s Biggest Questions why you must challenge your beliefs to realise your potential: “Challenging personal beliefs is neither easy nor fun or pleasant, but it is a necessary step toward becoming an actualized human being.”

Albeit, not all the choices you make will result in positive outcomes. Life is an earth school where you learn, develop and rise above your obstacles to discover the essence of your core self.

Over the coming paragraphs are presented six fundamental questions to ask yourself to live a life of meaning. To do this, journal your thoughts to the questions below. Ideally, you will want to revisit them often and note your response to see whether you’re improving.

This way you become your own mentor, coach and counsellor. This is a process I use when coaching clients, to help them discover their own power to navigate life, instead of looking outside themselves for answers.

The questions you put forward can be powerful to germinate compelling answers echoed through your everyday choices. Do not discount the value of formulating questions that abide by your highest intent.

1. Who Am I Becoming?

“Question everything. Learn something. Answer nothing.”— Euripedes

Who is the person you call “I” reading this now? You might recite your past or ethnicity, or perhaps what you do for a living or whom you are married to. Sure, whilst I appreciate these things define you, what happens if your marriage dissolves or you lose your job? What is the label used to define you then?

The point is, you cannot tie yourself to your past, present or future because the past does not exist, the present is a result of your past choices and the future is uncertain. What is constant is the core essence of who you are. Who are you becoming is a question that invites you to look deeper into your life’s narrative.

The question is built on the understanding that you are constantly evolving as a human being. This is why some relationships dissolve because one partner outgrows the other. It is natural for people to grow and develop and if they are not growing together, it may be time to part ways or comprise without sacrificing their values and integrity. “Who you decide to be should be an informed decision designed to maximize your objective function,” states Malcolm Collins.

Are you happy with who you are as a person? If not, what aspects would you change and will this result in the person you want to be? These are difficult questions to answer because they require thoughtful examination.

2. Do I Like Myself?

“The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure.” – Joseph Campbell

Do you like the person you see reflected in the mirror? When I was coaching people with their health and fitness goals, I recall working with those who had an ambivalent relationship with their appearance. It was difficult from a coaching perspective to get them to see beyond their physical appearance when they were hiring me to help them transform the way they looked.

Their first assignment was to examine their relationship with themselves. Do they like who they are? What is their self-talk? Did they experience a difficult childhood including emotional or physical abuse? It’s important to understand the past but not be tied to it. You should be mindful of your past, but not carry the events with you like a door-to-door salesman. As George Orwell wrote: “Who controls the past controls the future: who controls the present controls the past.”

Similarly, I’m drawn to Dr. Alex Lickerman’s message in The Undefeated Mind: On the Science of Constructing an Indestructible Self who states: “Another way we might be able to improve our ability to manage pain is by retelling ourselves stories of previous painful experiences from a different perspective: not with a focus on the intensity of the pain we felt but on the fact that we survived it. For if we survived a terrible episode of pain in the past, we can survive a similar episode of it in the present.”

Do you accept yourself irrespective of what took place in your past? I’ve met the gentlest of souls who experienced a tumultuous past, yet they do not define themselves by it. They see the past as a series of events that shaped their life, because every experience brings the gift of learning and growth. If you disapprove of yourself you cannot possibly like other people since every interaction stems from your relationship with yourself.

3. What Matters Most? Why?

“In all my affairs it’s a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted.”—Bertrand Russell

This is my favourite question because until you clarify what you value most, you will spend your life wandering aimlessly. Sadly, many people may never discover what is important to them because they are dictated by other people’s needs.

What is of importance in your life right now? Is it: family, health, making money, fame or success, education, environmental or global issues? When you recognise what is important and pursue it, your life becomes replete with meaning since you become purposeful in how you spend your time.

The second part of the question asks: why are these things important? Is it because it gives you a sense of meaning? Does it bring value to your life? If you respond by saying: “It makes me feel good,” I would nudge you to go deeper and ask: “Why is it important you feel good about this?” How does feeling good serve you? I realise there are many questions throughout this article that invite you to go deeper into yourself and examine your true motives. They are worth your time and effort, even if it takes an entire year to gain clarity, at least you will have lived intentionally.

4. Whom Do I Need To Forgive To Find Inner Peace?

“We get wise by asking questions, and even if these are not answered, we get wise, for a well-packed question carries its answer on its back as a snail carries its shell.”— James Stephens

Forgiveness is central to your way of life because if you do not forgive yourself and others, you carry resentment, guilt and blame which discolours your perception of life. Forgiveness is an act of courage, yet the act of forgiving others can be terrifying. If you approach it with an open mind and a soft heart, forgiveness will help you to find inner peace.

Every one of us has experienced unpleasant events throughout our lives. It is important to forgive yourself for being involved and release the burden and guilt that accompanies it, irrespective whether you consented or not.

Author and psychotherapist Loch Kelly explains in Shift into Freedom: The Science and Practice of Open-Hearted Awareness the need to shift your level of mind away from resentment: “It’s easier to find forgiveness and let go of resentments toward others. If you take away nothing else, remember that in difficult situations the first step is to shift your level of mind.”

I’ve written about How The Power Of Forgiveness Will Set You Free in an earlier article so I won’t go into great detail about it. Make forgiveness an important part of your life because letting go of anything that weighs you down can bring peace of mind and other health benefits.

There is no set period when you should forgive someone. I know this first hand because it took me over two decades to find the strength to forgive my father for his emotional mistreatment of me when I was growing up. It was the single biggest act of courage I undertook and it transformed my life in the years that followed. It was Martin Luther King Jr who said: “Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude.”

5. Am I Living To My Full Potential?

“Life is an unanswered question, but let’s still believe in the dignity and importance of the question.”— Tennessee Williams

How do you know you are living to your fullest potential? I often get asked this question by audience members and coaching clients. My answer is always the same: when you are happy and grateful where you are in your life, your potential is complete for the time being. It doesn’t mean you are stagnant since potential is constantly evolving and your growth continues to expand.

Author Larry Weidel says in Serial Winner: 5 Actions to Create Your Cycle of Success that our comfort zone or cocoon it is what holds many people back from exploring their full potential: “Our cocoons have the power to influence us — unless they are challenged. It doesn’t matter where your cocoon came from or what it looks like. Until you break out of it, you’ll have a hard time fulfilling your potential. People who do break out either are forced out by the things they experience or fight their way out.”

Some people never realise their potential because they don’t venture outside their comfort zone. Potential is activated when you risk going outside the known to discover your true strength of character. To liken it to a fitness metaphor, many people don’t realise how much they can lift in the gym until they train for months and developed the strength and conditioning in those muscles.

With the right training they are capable of the same feats of strength as many strong men or women. Therefore, potential lies dormant until you engage it, or else it is nothing more than a car idling waiting to be driven at high speeds. If you are unhappy not living to your full potential, what actions can you take to move closer to the person you intend to be? They needn’t be bold risks, start small and gather momentum in order to explore your full potential.

6. Am I Expressing Love In My Life?

“A prudent question is one-half of wisdom.”—Francis Bacon

Love is the core of our essence and without love we are nothing more than flesh and bones. Understandably, many people open their hearts to love through friendships and romantic relationships and are hurt through betrayal. They shut down and vow to never love again. As you know, the wall you build around you is the same wall that stops others knowing you up close.

In Just One Thing, the neuropsychologist Rick Hanson writes: “We need to love to be healthy and whole. If you bottle up your love, you bottle up your whole being. Love is like water: it needs to flow.”

Love is a risk, but a risk worth taking if you want to experience life fully. As the saying goes: “It is better to have loved and lost then never loved at all.” Whilst a cliché, there is truth to it because exposing yourself to hurt and humiliation is the greatest act of courage you will undertake.

It is like a tight rope artist who walks between two buildings. No matter how many times they have performed the act, in the back of their mind lurks the danger of falling to their death. Nevertheless, this does not minimise their chances of getting out on the tightrope because the performance itself brings joy and excitement to their life.

You must explore love in the same capacity, as though you are completely wrung out. For when it comes to the end of your life, you will regret not having opened yourself to love.

Like a sponge full of water, every ounce of love must be poured forth into the universe because the act of loving and giving of yourself is richer to your life’s experience than being a dry and whittle rose that never bloomed.

The post 6 Important Questions That Will Improve The Quality Of Your Life appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

6 Ways To Live Boldly and Passionately, As If Your Life Depends On It

Everyone wants to thrive on some level.

And whether you’re thriving or struggling, part of you hopes for a better life. However, you may be unsure how to there.

It doesn’t mean it’s not possible, it requires a shift in awareness and leaving your old life behind to attain something better.

It was the late Dr. David Hawkins who wrote in Healing and Recovery: “Problems are best solved not on the level where they appear to occur but on the next level above them….Problems are best solved by transcending them and looking at them from a higher viewpoint. At the higher level, the problems automatically resolve themselves because of that shift in point of view, or one might see there was no problem at all.”

He realised the same mind that creates your problems is not the same mind that resolves them. Hence, you must develop a change in awareness to transcend your problems. It is only once you create this inner shift that life will make sense on a deeper level.

Have you noticed when you finally understood something, suddenly everything seems to click into place? You may have questioned how you held on to your previous point of view for so long, when everything was made clear in an instant.

These are moments of clarity or a rise in consciousness where you leave behind your old way of thinking behind and see life in a new way. It is a paradigm shift in which you release old layers of conditioning to gain a new sense of hope and optimism.

Part of you recognises the greatness within you, yet your former self repeats old patterns and you find yourself stuck in this cycle. Perhaps on some level you’re not ready to embrace a new way of life. I don’t know and you may not know either, but it’s worth taking the time to examine your motives and face your fears of what a new life will bring.

You might fear stepping into the unknown contains pitfalls you’re not ready to embrace. Change is subtle, unless it is thrust upon you. So don’t worry about what you have to lose, but consider what you have to gain when shedding your previous life.

Everyone has the opportunity to live boldly and passionately, it is whether they choose to do so that will determine their choices. It was the ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle who first stated: “Nature abhors a vacuum,” meaning it is unnatural to find an unfilled space in nature because something will always occupy its place.

I offer you the following six ways to live boldly and passionately as if your life really depends on it. When you come from this place of knowing, you’re invited to seek answers as though your life is at stake, rather than make a decision because it feels right.

What if in your sleep one night you were visited by the Grim Reaper and asked whether you wish to live boldly and passionately as if your life depends on it? If you answered no, you would be called back from where you came. If you answer yes, your future would change and you could never go back to living the life that you once lived. This is how you must approach every day of your life, so that every minute becomes a testimony to serving your highest good instead of merely getting by.

1. Live Without Regret
Find Your Motivation

“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.” — Jim Rohn 

Regret arises when you live less than what you are capable of. It signifies going against the tide of your inner wisdom, essential to your personal growth. Regret serves as a reminder your actions are not purposeful and a clearer intent is required.

You must connect with a deeper motivation if you wish to live a life without regrets. This inner resource summons you to play better than what you have been. Don’t hide behind excuses when life does not turn out as you hoped, since you are likely to become a victim instead of a victor.

You cannot make sense of life because sometimes you don’t have access to certain information. The father of psychoanalysis Sigmund Freud said, “Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.” He was saying, sometimes there is no hidden meaning to events and things appear as they are. You create meaning to make sense of the world. This does not mean life is unfair; rather you are unaware of the significance of those events.

Purposeful Action

“Make the most of your regrets; never smother your sorrow, but tend to and cherish it till it comes to have a separate and integral interest. To regret deeply is to live afresh.” — Henry David Thoreau 

That’s why you should be purposeful in your actions, instead of acting from a place of fear. When you take inspired action, everything unfolds according to a greater plan. The pieces of the puzzle come together as they should, and not a moment sooner.

I am drawn to the guidance by author Robbie Vorhaus who states in One Less. One More: Follow Your Heart. Be Happy. Change Slowly, “Remember, regrets are not real, although they feel that way. Like fear, regrets are only thoughts in your mind, feedback that the ego is trying to control something it can’t.” The secret to living without regrets is to act intentionally with what is of importance to you.

If you are dictated by what popular culture considers important, you are not honouring your deepest wisdom, but following the masses. This is likely to result in regrets and uninspired action.

Many of life’s problems result from following others, hoping they hold the key to your happiness. This seldom works because these same people lead lives of quiet desperation, as the American essayist Henry David Thoreau affirmed.

One need only look to celebrities where fame is considered a measure of happiness. Just because they are adorned by millions, doesn’t mean their life is devoid of problems. They may pay a price for their fame that includes: unfulfilled lives, substance abuse, and psychological pain when trying to uphold a particular image.

To live without regrets, pursue what you value most and fills your life with joy irrespective of what others consider. This does not mean your actions should affect others, though do not be dictated by what they consider important. People will disapprove how you live your life because it does not conform to their opinions. It may jeopardise their self-esteem since they have not taken action to follow their goals or dreams.

This should not dissuade you from following your bliss as the American mystic, Joseph Campbell reminds us. Similarly, people are afraid to try new things for fear of failure. When did failure embed itself in our psyche that it stopped us in our tracks? Failure is merely feedback, alerting you to something that requires additional steps for completion. It should not impact your self-worth unless you allow it to.

A Compelling Why?

“If we want to feel an undying passion for our work, if we want to feel we are contributing to something bigger than ourselves, we all need to know our WHY.” ― Simon Sinek, Find Your Why

Regret rears its ugly head when your actions are not aligned with your WHY. This is your underlying motivation clothed in a deeper purpose. Otherwise, you are likely to plod along and throw caution to the wind, hoping your efforts succeed. If it doesn’t, you experience regret and a blow to your self-esteem since you have not tied it to your intrinsic values.

Living in the present moment offers the opportunity to reconnect with what is important now. You are constantly at the mercy of your thoughts, recalling the past or expecting the future to arrive as you hope for. Yet, you feel regret because the past does not match the mental image you expect.

Being present is not smooth sailing either because life has a way of pulling you into the future. Your friends, family or co-workers make plans for tomorrow or next week. Your diary is packed full of events months in advance. It becomes natural to live this way, so your thoughts become fixed on being anywhere but now. Professor and psychologist Philip Zimbardo labels these people future-orientated.

Those who live in the now, experience a deep rapture and joy because they lose their connection to the past and future. They are attentive to the present moment, the source of their being. Therefore, carve out time to reconnect with yourself and avoid getting caught up in the chaos of everyday life.

Life advances at a fast pace, it’s easy to lose sight of your inner needs until a major crisis appears. By then, it’s too late because the foundations that once held your life together have collapsed, taking your sense of purpose with it.

To reconnect with your inner intelligence, tune in to the voice of your inner self. This may be as: play, movement or any form of creative expression. The child within wants to be heard. If you dismiss it because things out there distract you, you miss exploring what is vital to your joy and happiness.

I invite you to look unfavourably on regret and live an intentional life. When you are aligned with something greater, there is no room for regret. Instead, purposeful action commandeers the helm to lead you toward a life replete with fulfilment and bliss.

2. Make Peace With Your Emotional Wounds Because They Strengthen You
Concealing the Pain

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.” — Helen Keller

Despite your intense emotional wounds, the hurt will pass and scars eventually heal. To relive the pain reinforces the experience because you cling to the emotions instead of process them. As time moves on so does the emotional strain, yet you needn’t clutch to your pain story. You can suffer or let go of what no longer serves you.

Many people mask their pain by avoiding it. They rather forget the hurt which only reinforces it. You must love and acknowledge your darker aspects like your pain and grief. If you appreciate the sun and wish away the darkness how would you see the stars at night?

Your emotional wounds lead you to your wholeness. It is remiss to emphasise the darkness while identifying with your light since you encompass both parts. Pain is a powerful teacher that connects you with your inner wisdom. Without pain, how can you recognise the enduring self that lies beneath the rubble of suffering? Without pain, you are powerless to embrace the entirety of who you are.

Your emotional wounds do not imply you are flawed, yet show your true character. They are your battle scars that show you have danced with life and lived to tell the tale. You communicate to others of the struggles that lie ahead, having traversed the path yourself.

Your wounds lie fragmented deep within your psyche. If you have not reconciled them, they grow stronger until you address them. They are the imposing shadow, lurking in the darkness waiting to grab hold if you grow weary.

A Return to Love

“When I stand before thee at the day’s end, thou shalt see my scars and know that I had my wounds and also my healing.” — Rabindranath Tagore

You can become your own healer via loving and nurturing declarations to yourself. This reinforces how it is now safe to face these emotions with openness to heal. Your emotional wounds call you to connect with your inner child instead of fleeing when the pain intensifies.

To run away from pain is the opposite of loving kindness because you neglect to honour your emotional wellbeing. You must love yourself foremost as you would a friend or loved one who is hurt.

To demonstrate this commitment, consider the vows recited when two people marry: to honour one another through the good times and bad. So you ought to make the same commitment to yourself. Irrespective of the emotions that arise, you will honour them.

There is a broader lesson contained within each emotional wound. If you penetrate through the pain, you realise it is a return to love as the American spiritual teacher Marianne Williamson affirms. So when you experience pain and suffering, love yourself. When you feel anxiety and tension, love yourself.  When you feel happiness and joy, love yourself.

This simple act of self-renewal permeates into your conscious, so regardless of the external conditions, your deepest wisdom leads you to connect with your heart.

To heal, you should de-clutter your life and nurture the child within, while creating a secure environment for healing to occur.

Inner Transformation

“When we quit thinking primarily about ourselves and our own self-preservation, we undergo a truly heroic transformation of consciousness.” — Joseph Campbell

The saying, time heals all wounds does not hold significance if you don’t make the time to face them. You may store away the emotional fragments of the past, only to have them reappear at a later stage.

To confront your emotional wounds means to honour yourself foremost. No matter what emerges, you trust you will cope.

Everyone is bound to experience hurt and pain in their lives. Unless you’ve lived under a rock, everyone carries emotional pain. It’s how you transform the pain to develop a deeper relationship with yourself that leads to inner freedom.

Your wounds strengthen you because they invite you to be sensitive to your emotional life. You become inquisitive about your emotions and examine them with openness and equanimity.

Your childhood wounds are exposed through adult relationships and if you do little to confront them, they can ruin your life. Therefore, they are a gift guiding you to heal within.

Through mindfulness, you ground yourself in the present moment and experience any emotions that emerge. This simple act cultivates true intimacy with yourself. So avoid holding on to your pain. There is no power gained from being a victim, other than to deflect your wounds onto others to appease your suffering.

John Prendergast Ph.D. states: “If our heart has been closed and then begins to open, we often discover why our native sensitivity originally shut down. Old emotional wounds will surface and ask for our attention. Difficult feelings such as grief, shame, self-loathing, personal deficiency, despair, and fear can arise.”

This statement reaffirms the need to love yourself completely, no matter the emotions. Your responsibility is not to judge yourself, but to reconcile the pain and integrate it into your experience toward oneness.

3. Embrace Your Vulnerability As Your Greatest Strength
Born Vulnerable

“Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen. It’s tough to do that when we’re terrified about what people might see or think.” — Brené Brown

What do you associate with vulnerability? Perhaps it’s weakness, fear, hurt or betrayal. These are the deep-seated emotions people experience when they reveal aspects of themselves. Let’s be clear. Vulnerability is not a sign of weakness and can be your greatest strength.

“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage,” affirms research professor and author Brené Brown in Rising Strong.

Vulnerability is a double-edged sword. Those who protect themselves to avoid getting hurt, fail to appreciate intimacy and close relationships. Everyone is vulnerable, no matter how much they try to avoid it. You are born vulnerable and stay that way for your entire childhood. Your relationship with vulnerability is something you are acquainted with, yet abandon as you merge into adulthood.

Your association with vulnerability requires a shift in awareness in order to strengthen your emotional well-being. It is no use erecting barricades around you while hoping at the same time others will see the blossoming flower within.

The wall you construct prevents your true nature from being known to others. It was Rumi who said: “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

You must accept your vulnerability if you wish to live a wholesome life. Even the smallest act of letting down your guard is a commitment to your personal growth.

Your Fractured Parts

“What happens when people open their hearts? They get better.” — Haruki Murakami

Vulnerability is an act of courage because you merge with your authentic self, instead of hiding behind a facade to appease others. It is within the unknown where your greatest potential lies. Human nature is imperfect, yet the paradox is that you are whole within that sphere of imperfection.

To embrace vulnerability as your greatest strength, you’ll need to become aware of your pain points. Retaliation leads to suffering, since you are likely to defend your pain like a wounded animal.

Vulnerability involves healing your fractured parts by merging with the wholeness of your being. Consider it akin to a jigsaw puzzle strewn across the floor. Some might say the puzzle is incomplete given the pieces are lying on the floor. However, by gathering them together you create the entire picture once more.

That is the heart of your life story. You have disowned your fractured parts, instead of trying to piece them together. You are a masterpiece; a Rembrandt replete with perfection. Yet, you focus on your brokenness in the same way as a cracked oil painting when exposed to the elements.

The painting is no less beautiful because of its flaws. It is upon examining it up close you recognise the defects, while ignoring the complete picture.

“Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am brave and worthy of love and belonging,” affirms Brené Brown.

Heal The Pain

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” — Rumi

To heal your pain requires undertaking a process of self-examination. You must become curious as to why you react when your pain buttons are triggered. Every person has pain thresholds.

If left unchecked, they become inflamed and dominate your emotional landscape, not to mention your physical health. The moment you heal the pain, you reintegrate it into the wholeness of your being.

Suffering ensues when you focus on your sorrow, instead of appreciating the beauty and richness of your complete self. It is as though you are looking through a magnifying glass on your shattered parts. You give them more attention than they deserve, so others are made aware of your weaknesses too.

Your shadows are one aspect of your character. When healed, you come to realise the completeness of your being. Therefore, become a student of vulnerability by taking small risks. This act of self-renewal shines a light on your fractured parts, and is brought to your awareness and seen for what they are; a smokescreen.

Similarly, be wary of the ego and its aversion to being vulnerable. The ego likes to protect its image and vulnerability is a crack in its armour. It signifies weakness and will do everything to defend itself. Your greatest triumph will arise when you lean in to your vulnerabilities with openness and compassion.

There is nothing to defend nor protect, for the egoic voice has merely taken command and insisted on protecting you from getting hurt. It is Brené Brown who writes in Rising Strong: “I was reminded that shame is a liar and a story-stealer. I have to trust myself and the people I care about more than the gremlins, even if that means risking being hurt.”

The gremlins she speaks of is the small self preventing your magnificence being known. Trust your heart’s wisdom and its real essence, not the voice in your head. It is only then you will appreciate how vulnerability is a commanding act of strength and courage.

4. Self-Compassion And Self-Acceptance Is The Gateway To Optimal Living

Why are some people happy and content in their own skin while others are miserable and pessimistic? How about you? What is your predominant outlook towards life? Do you like yourself? Feel worthy? Struggle with confidence?

These are questions many people seldom contemplate until life overwhelms them. Yet, if you don’t make time for self-enquiry, you will be overcome with emotional grief when you least expect it. I wish to explore self-acceptance and self-compassion, two important factors for optimal living.

From the time you are a child, you face some form of emotional abandonment, leaving you with a less-than-positive mental script. You can be hard on yourself and that unkindness permeates into other areas of your life, leading towards a destructive path.

Emotional Abandonment

“Your problem is you’re too busy holding onto your unworthiness.” — Ram Dass

Emotional abandonment means to run away from fulfilling your emotional needs like self-love and self-acceptance. Even young children will entertain thoughts as, “I don’t like myself” and “I’m not worthy” and carry these thoughts throughout their lives. What does a young child know about forming such judgements when they’re barely old enough to reason with the world?

Perhaps your emotional needs were not met as a child and you developed low self-esteem? This is a common scenario, where children believe they are unworthy well before developing a self-identity. They mature into adults only to bottle up their pain or cover it up with: addictions, unhealthy relationships, hollow success, or material possessions. This poses a threat to one’s emotional wellbeing, because living like this makes for a miserable existence and leads to: depression, severe anxiety, mental health disorders and tremendous pain.

The Antidote

“The chemist who can extract from his heart’s elements compassion, respect, longing, patience, regret, surprise, and forgiveness and compound them into one can create that atom which is called love.” — Khalil Gibran

Countless people with low self-worth have faced their inner struggles and learned to love themselves. They were vulnerable and faced their insecurities and disappointments to learn self-compassion and acceptance.

In fact, a part of an adult’s journey often leads them to face the darkness to walk in the light. Sometimes personal growth requires walking through pain to discover a fertile oasis ahead.

Healing Inner Wounds

“What happens when people open their hearts?”
“They get better.” ― Haruki Murakami

Everyone encounters some form of pain on their life’s journey. It begins in childhood and continues throughout life and none are immune to it. How you respond to your inner wounds will determine your attitude and actions throughout life.

To illustrate this point, consider the Buddhist tale of a man shot in the chest by an arrow. While the pain was immense, the Buddha pointed out how much greater the pain would have been if he was shot by a second arrow in the same spot. This lesson illustrates that despite intense pain or suffering, when you add a second arrow of judgment about your experience, you intensify the pain.

Inner wounds can lead to self-persecution. You believe, “I must deserve this” or “I’ll never be good enough” and this keeps you trapped in unworthiness. You can be hard on yourself at times, not realising it’s possible to accept who you are, despite your pain. To learn self-love and self-compassion begins with appreciating your worthiness.

You matter. You are worthy. You can love yourself and treat yourself with compassion. While it’s wonderful to treat others with compassion, do you treat yourself the same way? Do you take pride in yourself? Cut yourself slack from time to time? Believe in yourself? Are you aware of the inner critic that tells you otherwise?

Self-compassion does not mean feeling sorry for yourself and it is not self-pity. It means developing a nurturing relationship with yourself foremost. Similarly, self-compassion is not a sign of weakness. It implies being your own guardian, best friend and healer instead of critic.

It’s considered that self-compassion and self-acceptance are essential ingredients to living a fulfilling life, more so than high self-esteem.

The roots of self-compassion stem from your earliest recollection of your caregiver environment. So, it makes sense you learn to connect with these nurturing qualities to provide the loving kindness you deserve.

Self-compassion and self-acceptance means to eliminate expectations of oneself. It starts with the smallest gesture of loving yourself when you’re angry, scared, confused or tired. You cultivate a supportive inner dialogue instead of allowing the inner critic to take hold.

You learn to embrace your worthiness. It begins by gazing into the mirror and declaring you are worthy of love. Notice the feelings and sensations that arise as you make the declaration.

Some people are brought to tears while others delight in the self-affirming dialogue. Become your own best friend and soul mate. Scouring the globe for your soul mate begins at home standing in front of a mirror, confirming your complete acceptance of self: your flaws and your assets.

No one is perfect and you’re no exception. Embrace and love yourself without reservation. Life will make sense because you will be in tune with your authentic self, which is Love at the core of your being.

5. Don’t Resist What Is, But Embrace It
Surrender To The Unfolding Conditions

“There are ultimately two choices in life: to fight it or to embrace it. If you fight it you will lose – if you embrace it you become one with it and you’ll be lived.” – Rasheed Ogunlaru

There is great truth that being alone in silence is a worthwhile antidote to overcome the weight of human suffering. You languish in sorrow because outside events unsettle your sense of stability.

When intense or negative emotions arise, there is a tendency to escape them. This could be attributed to the view that negative emotions should be tossed aside and not confronted.

The nature of reality is filled with pain and suffering. Interspersed are moments of joy and happiness to the degree that no untoward condition is permanent.

It is how you respond to the difficult times that points the way to your personal growth. In her book When Things Fall Apart, spiritual teacher Pema Chodron affirms: “Life is a good teacher and a good friend. Things are always in transition, if we could only realize it.”

You accept life’s unfolding events by allowing experiences to move through you with unreserved patience. The moment you resist pain, it pushes against you with an overpowering force until you concede.

Your darkest hour, however frightening can never extinguish the illuminating radiance of your being. Consider it to dimming the lights inside your home to impose darkness while it’s still daylight outside. Even through concealed curtains, the light still penetrates the dark.

Striving, longing and expecting are ways the mind places barriers around your happiness. You never know what life will bring, so let go of fixed outcomes and trust conditions will advance of their own accord.

The minute you resist life, you are called to surrender to the unfolding conditions. In the moment you concede to universal intelligence, you merge with the natural order of events.

When pain emerges, drop into it instead of resisting it. Why? Because your resistance signifies your opposition to life. It is your resistance to what is that is the source of suffering, not the pain itself.

Trust in your capacity to overcome whatever arises. Trust in life and the unseen forces that conspire to help you in the unfolding of your personal story.

The Human Spirit Cannot Be Overshadowed

“Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don’t have to like it… it’s just easier if you do.” – Byron Katie

Celebrate life, knowing the sequence of events change. What seems unwelcomed at first may become your greatest teacher. Expect the foundations to be laid before assuming the worst.

Your life’s journey is composed of layers, concealed by the weight of past conditioning. By allowing life to move through you, you consent to uncover those layers. Similarly, as you encounter an experience and overcome it, another layer is revealed.

Unpleasant feelings are not to be avoided, yet embraced. This does not mean celebrate pain, though accept circumstances as they arise, knowing there’s a vital lesson contained within it.

The moment you declare your intention to move through pain, you activate the wisdom to overcome undesirable events. When you shy away from an experience, you resist the moment.

As you know, that which you resist intensifies until you are called to face the truth, amidst untenable circumstances. At the least, to embrace life is a commitment that what transpires will do so of its own accord.

You have two choices: resist what emerges or accept it with trusted humility. What appears threatening at first is identical to thunder on a sultry night: loud and confronting, yet leads the way for the looming rain.

There is a reassuring quality in the wake of every experience. Even in the ravages of a natural disaster, the human spirit cannot be overshadowed. To rebuild one’s life, with stronger foundations is testament to your grounding legacy to survive any untoward condition.

Everything works out for the best if you get out of your way and embrace all that is. Life is a self-organising system, functioning irrespective of your resistance to it.

It was the transformational author and critical thinker Werner Erhard who taught: “Life will resolve itself in the process of Life Itself.” There is little for you to do other than stay attentive to the outcome.

To embrace all that is, expand your notion of suffering to correspond with the natural order of events. By spending quiet time in reflection every so often, you quiet the mind to allow the voice of reason to emerge, through the stillness of life.

6. Stop Surviving and Start Thriving
The Obstacle Is the Way

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humour, and some style.” — Maya Angelou

You are born to thrive, not just to play it safe in your comfort zone. You might try avoiding failure because it weakens your self-esteem – although failure is a prerequisite for success. Ask any entrepreneur or adventurer, and they will tell you failure is essential.

However, I do not wish to embellish this article with positive psychology to make you feel good. So let’s cut to the truth since something drew you here, whether by accident or as a regular reader.

For many, surviving means getting through the daily grind, only to endure the same battles all over again. This is not living because you are needlessly clutching to life.

I realise you will have commitments and obligations. Mouths to feed, expenses and a mortgage to pay. Still, there’s a better way. You may want more, though life can be difficult and challenging at times. It’s worth reminding yourself, however, that the obstacle is in fact the way.

Some people seem to thrive under whatever conditions they’re faced with, while you wonder why you’re stuck in your predicament. To thrive means to grow and flourish, not simply to scrape by.

This is the premise of the film Groundhog Day, in which a weatherman played by actor Bill Murray, strangely lives the same day over and over again. No one wants to get by when you have hidden potential waiting to emerge.

A Shift in Mindset

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” — Maya Angelou

Those who thrive nurture their personal growth and step outside their comfort zone. Those content to merely survive are happy not to disrupt their lives because of the anxiety and tension involved. You can use tension and anxiety to give rise to creativity and opportunity.

Thriving requires a shift in mindset and taking chances on occasions. The key to thriving is recognising you are unhappy and willing to make changes, irrespective of the steps involved.

There is a staleness to surviving, in that you become wearied and discontent. Your soul calls you to venture into the unknown where freedom and good fortune lies.

No one enjoys setbacks and mediocrity because the human spirit is full of potential and purpose. Life consists of constant change, for it is sewn into the fabric of your life.

To shift from surviving to thriving, simply begin by attending to your negative thoughts. Destructive thoughts can run deep into a person’s psyche if left unchecked. Replace the negativity by addressing the underlying beliefs supporting them.

You cannot move from surviving to thriving in days or weeks. Personal development is a journey of self-discovery and the pinnacle of achievement. You deserve to have more and be more. But, you must take the first step and move forward in that direction.

Thriving Is a State of Mind

“Where there is ruin, there is hope for a treasure.” — Rumi

Don’t be concerned getting from point A to B in the shortest time. For as soon as you arrive, there will be another place for you to transition to. Take responsibility for your life by choosing your conditions, instead of blaming outside circumstances.

As you know, victims are stuck in a despairing mindset, believing the world owes them something. They contend life conspires against them, without realising they create their own circumstances.

It helps to know what you want from life. I’m not talking about superficial things such as the car you drive or house you live in. Yet something deeper: your purpose, what kindles your spirit and makes you come alive? I realise this is difficult for many to answer. Though it is important to know what is of significance to you.

Thriving is a state of mind in as much as surviving is a negative state of mind. Therefore, shift your awareness from negativity to what is working in your life. There is nothing novel about surviving. If you remain in this state for too long, your spirit contracts. This is tied to the deeper purpose for your life, regardless of whether you know about it.

Everyone seeks to find meaning in their lives. However, if you do not make empowered decisions, you relinquish it to your unconscious desires.

Take small steps without being fixed on the destination. Ultimately, your journey is one of self-discovery. The journey is filled with highs and lows. The lows help you to master yourself, so you gain lessons significant to your personal growth.

As a final point, refuse to accept negative conditions being permanent. It was Charlie Chaplin who quipped; “Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.”

Knowing you were born to thrive is motivating, since there is more to your life’s narrative than you presume. It involves merging into a grander version of the life you only thought possible.

The post 6 Ways To Live Boldly and Passionately, As If Your Life Depends On It appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

5 Ways To Fully Commit To Your Dreams So You Never Give Up

Dreams are impossible to achieve.

That’s why 99% of people don’t go after them and why the 1% that do, are considered extraordinary.

That doesn’t mean they are unachievable.

If you noticed, I purposely contradicted myself in the first three sentences in order to lead into the following question.

Do you agree or disagree with my opening statement?

Your answer will point toward your beliefs about pursuing your dreams. And that’s okay, because your beliefs are not fixed. I hope by the end of the article I will have convinced you of five ways to fully commit to your dreams so you never give up.

Here’s the thing: you’ve got to be purposeful about your dreams because they are your lifeblood. Most people give up too early on their dreams because in many ways following a dream is like an open water swim. It is midway through a swim when a person is likely to quit because they’re unable to see the finish and doubts emerge. But if they think how far they’ve come, it will be a disservice to give up.

If you can’t see the finish, it doesn’t mean you should give up on your dreams. Go on blind faith that you will be shown the way as you draw closer. It is a lack of faith and fear that blinds us to pursuing our dreams. It is wanting to fulfil our needs now instead of the promise of a better tomorrow that forces us to put our dreams on hold.

The pursuit of a dream is tied to answering your life’s biggest question. That question arises from within your soul and it is your mission to breathe life into it. If you leave this world without having committed yourself to finding the answer, you will have denied yourself the opportunity to experience your greatest self.

I realise life is uncompromising and we are pulled in many directions, with choices that must be made now. Some of those choices are compelling and require you to take urgent action, such as providing for your family and a roof over your head. Yet, that doesn’t mean you should put your dreams on hold just to get by.

There will come a time when you will look back and regret having made those choices. It was the English poet William Blake who once declared: “Hindsight is a wonderful thing but foresight is better, especially when it comes to saving life, or some pain!”

Irrespective of where you are in your life’s journey, I trust the following points will help you commit to your dreams and make them a reality. I recommend getting really clear and purposeful about your life, because pursuing a dream is part of that narrative. Don’t consider it separate from you, but part of you.

1. Overcome Your Fears By Living Bigger and Bolder
A Mind-Made Illusion

“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.” — Jim Morrison

In his book Influence: Science and Practice, author Robert Cialdini shares a story capturing the life-changing effects of fear. In a tribe in southern Africa, the Thonga people hold an annual initiation for the young boys in the village. A young Thonga boy must endure a series of intense physical challenges before being admitted to adulthood.

The three-month ritual comprises six major trials: beatings, exposure to cold, thirst, eating unsavoury foods, punishment and the threat of death. These strange rituals are designed to turn a young boy into a man, while silencing his inner demons. Spending three months subjected to mental, emotional and physical hardship is extreme. However, many of these young boys go on to become strong and powerful leaders in their tribes.

Despite the cruelty of the ritual, the story highlights how we can transform our fears from weakness into courage. “Fear rips up from freedom. It is the destroyer of greatness. We know this, and we know we should tame our minds in order to defeat fear. Yet look at all the adults who act like powerless children and avoid the life they want because of fear,” writes Brendon Burchard in The Motivation Manifesto.

In society, fear impairs the lives of those who buy into its false existence. It was the French philosopher René Descartes who declared: “I think therefore I am.”  The fact that I’m aware of my thoughts means there’s a thinker behind the thoughts. Many people unwittingly believe: “If I think fearful thoughts, they must be true.” Yet fear is no more than an illusion created by the mind. A great deal of what we fear rarely eventuates, yet fear predominates our thought landscape.

Since fear is a survival instinct alerting us to impending danger, it becomes a threat when our thoughts are stuck in a repetitive cycle.  When fear rules your life, you are at the mercy of the emotion. Psychotherapist David Richo explains in The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them: “When we look deeply into our fears, we see that, at base, every fear is a fear of not having control.”

Transforming Fear

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” — Nelson Mandela

How can we transform fear so it doesn’t impair our lives? Firstly, appreciate that fear is feedback alerting you to forward progress. It signifies you are stepping out of your comfort zone and moving into uncharted territory. Rather than oppose your fears, see it as an opportunity to gain new insights. Embrace fear as part of your personal evolution. Many people see it as a brick wall while others regard it as an opportunity to overcome.

“Fear reduces resilience and the ability to grow from trauma, and purposeful living reduces fear,” avows author Victor J. Strecher in Life on Purpose: How Living for What Matters Most Changes Everything. Fear inspires a call to action. It advises us to avoid what is harmful to our lives and take affirmative action.

Take for example the fear of public speaking, widely considered one of people’s greatest fears. The American comedian Jerry Seinfeld states: “According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.”

It is apparent in this instance that fear forces us to brush up on our speaking skills through rehearsal. Rather than being unprepared, fear forces us to show up ready or risk being humiliated in front of an audience. As we overcome fear, we build strength of character and rise above any obstacles towards victory. Therefore, fear is a teacher providing you with the vital experience before the lesson.

The Present Moment

“If you are pained by external things, it is not they that disturb you, but your own judgement of them. And it is in your power to wipe out that judgement now.” — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Since fear is a future occurrence, it allows us to reconnect to the present moment when our minds wander. We are reminded of the fact that all we have is contained within this moment. There’s no need to worry or fear a future which seldom arrives as we hope, since fear reminds us to let go of the incessant thoughts of an expected tomorrow. Author Colette Baron Reid states in Uncharted: The Journey Through Uncertainty to Infinite Possibility: “One of the biggest challenges in overcoming self-centered fears is that when we’re afraid, we’re likely not in the present.”

It must be repeated, we cannot drop fear from our lives, not in the way many people believe. We can turn down the volume on fear by not becoming a slave to it. Susan Jeffers’ acclaimed self-help book, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway is a suitable axiom for learning to befriend fear. Take inspired action in spite of your fears and don’t cower from them in resignation. Many people are helpless in the face of their fears, because they buy into the narrative associated with it. Fear is a signal, calling you to recognise something within that needs to be addressed.

We must remind ourselves that fear helps us make better decisions in light of perceived danger. We must have our wits about us, instead of throwing ourselves unknowingly at a task. Your response to fear provides a glimpse into your psyche. Are you constantly running away from fear or facing it head on?

What are you afraid of?

Who would you be without your fears?

What would life look like?

Try to imagine a world where you are not dictated by your fears. This is the state you want to create if you are to transform your life to be bigger and bolder. Colette Baron Reid affirms that: “If you want your fear to fade away and myriad possibilities you never considered to start revealing themselves, you need a different map, one that shows the unknown, unexplored places. Those are the places your soul wants to go.”

Fear is a call towards inner growth and freedom because running away from fear makes it grow in intensity. Approach it with compassion and an open heart by forgiving yourself and others who contributed towards your fears. You might be surprised to know that our fears can be passed down through generations. Wars and hatred stem from the paralysis of fear. We fear what we don’t understand, then we ultimately go to war with it.

Invariably, if we dislike parts of ourselves, this is a call to make peace within. As you know, what you feed and nurture inside you grows stronger. David Richo reminds us that love is the antidote to fear: “The reason love casts out fear is that love creates the feeling of safety. When we act with love, we feel so good about ourselves that courage blooms. We find the poise to be at home with givens that scared us before.”

Ultimately, you have a choice: make peace with fear or allow it to control your life.  Hopefully, you will be motivated to choose the former. Transcending fear is liberating since it frees you from the self-imposed fortress it creates. Fear cannot dwell inside a heart filled with love. For love is the essence of your authentic nature and fear is a nothing more than a shadow cast by the ego to protect you, not serve you.

2. Stop Surviving and Start Thriving
The Obstacle Is the Way

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humour, and some style.” — Maya Angelou

You are born to thrive, not just to play it safe in your comfort zone.

You might try avoiding failure because it weakens your self-esteem – although failure is a prerequisite for success. Ask any entrepreneur or adventurer, and they will tell you failure is essential. However, I do not wish to embellish this article with positive psychology to make you feel good.

For many, surviving means getting through the daily grind, only to endure the same battles all over again. This is not living because you are needlessly clutching to life. I realise you have commitments and obligations. Mouths to feed, expenses and a mortgage to pay.

Still, there’s a better way. You may want more, though life can be difficult and challenging at times. It’s worth reminding yourself, however, that the obstacle is in fact the way. Some people seem to be thriving under whatever conditions they’re faced with, while we wonder why we are stuck in our predicament. To thrive means to grow and flourish, not simply to scrape by. This is the premise of the film Groundhog Day, in which a weatherman played by actor Bill Murray, strangely lives the same day over and over again.

No one wants to get by when you have hidden potential waiting to emerge.

“You have everything you need to thrive; you just have to plan for the race of your life. Each person’s journey and process is unique. The key to adopting a disruptor’s mind-set is to honestly assess your internal value chain to overcome every obstacle in the way,” states author Jay Samit in Disrupt You: Master Personal Transformation, Seize Opportunity, and Thrive in the Era of Endless Innovation.

A Shift in Mindset

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” — Maya Angelou

Those who thrive nurture their personal growth and step outside their comfort zone. Those content to merely survive are happy not to disrupt their lives because of the anxiety and tension involved. You can use tension and anxiety to give rise to creativity and opportunity.

Thriving requires a shift in mindset and taking chances on occasions. The key to thriving is recognising you are unhappy and willing to make changes, irrespective of the steps involved. There is a staleness to surviving, in that you become wearied and discontent. Your soul calls you to venture into the unknown where freedom and good fortune lies.

“Survive first, thrive later: that’s the motto of the lower brain. The well-documented tendency of our lower brain to encode negative, fear-based memories more readily into our unconscious memory than positive ones is referred to as negativity bias,” affirms author Linda Graham MFT in Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well-Being.

No one enjoys setbacks and mediocrity because the human spirit is full of potential and purpose. Life consists of constant change, for it is sewn into the fabric of our lives. To shift from surviving to thriving, simply begin by attending to your negative thoughts. Destructive thoughts can run deep into a person’s psyche if left unchecked. Replace the negativity by addressing the underlying beliefs supporting them.

You cannot move from surviving to thriving in days or weeks. Personal development is a journey of self-discovery and the pinnacle of achievement. You deserve to have more and be more.  But, you must take the first step and move forward in that direction.

Dr. Alex Lickerman reinforces this thought in The Undefeated Mind: On the Science of Constructing an Indestructible Self. “Indeed, the ability to soldier on when obstacles block our way to any goal, whether our life’s mission or our most trivial wish, has to be considered as much a part of resilience as the ability to survive and thrive in the face of adversity.”

Thriving Is a State of Mind

“Say to yourself in the early morning: I shall meet today ungrateful, violent, treacherous, envious, uncharitable men. All of these things have come upon them through ignorance of real good and ill… I can neither be harmed by any of them, for no man will involve me in wrong, nor can I be angry with my kinsman or hate him; for we have come into the world to work together…” — Marcus Aurelius

Don’t be concerned getting from point A to B in the shortest time. For as soon as you arrive, there will be another place for you to transition to. Take responsibility for your life by choosing your conditions, instead of blaming outside circumstances.

As you know, victims are stuck in a despairing mindset, believing the world owes them something. They contend life conspires against them, without realising they create their own circumstances. It helps to know what you want from life. I’m not talking about superficial things such as the car you drive or house you live in. Yet something deeper: your purpose, what kindles your spirit and makes you come alive?

I realise this is difficult for many to answer. Though it is important to know what is of significance to you.

“When in survive mode, thriving takes a back seat. Although many opportunities might arise for a shift to a positive thriving mode, the brain with this narrowed focus is incapable of registering and capitalizing on them; this is part of what keeps the negative vortex going. Negativity is therefore a self-reinforcing and self-fulfilling mechanism in the brain,” states author Shirzad Chamine in Positive Intelligence: Why Only 20% of Teams and Individuals Achieve Their True Potential and How You Can Achieve Yours.

Thriving is a state of mind in as much as surviving is a negative state of mind. Therefore, shift your awareness from negativity to what is working in your life. There is nothing novel about surviving. If you remain in this state for too long, your spirit contracts. This is tied to the deeper purpose for your life, regardless of whether you know about it. We all want to find meaning in our lives. However, if you do not make empowered decisions, you relinquish it to your unconscious desires.

“This old, struggling ‘you’ is not natural or ‘real’. Your higher self is the most natural ‘self’ for you to be. You were meant to thrive. But you’ll only find this out when you take action,” avows Steve Chandler in Time Warrior: How to Defeat Procrastination, People-Pleasing, Self-Doubt, Over-Commitment, Broken Promises and Chaos.

Take small steps without being fixed on the destination. Ultimately, your journey is one of self-discovery. The journey is filled with highs and lows. The lows help you to master yourself, so you gain lessons significant to your personal growth. As a final point, refuse to accept negative conditions being permanent. It was Charlie Chaplin who quipped; “Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.” Knowing you were born to thrive is motivating, since there is more to your life’s narrative than you presume. It involves merging into a grander version of the life you only thought possible.

3. Don’t Wait For The Perfect Conditions, Take Action Now
Career and Relationships

“Stop waiting for the perfect day or moment….take THIS day, THIS moment and lead it to perfection.” – Dr. Steve Maraboli

For many things, we wait around for the perfect conditions to go after our dreams. The problem is it sets us up for disappointment, stagnation, and failure. There’s never a perfect time or day. The universe comprises moving energy, so you can be moving and creating positive momentum, or you can sit still in stagnation. The choice is yours.

Authors Gary Keller and Jay Papasan state in The One Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results, “Happiness is what we most want— yet, it’s what most of us understand the least. No matter our motivations, most of what we do in life is ultimately meant to make us happy. And yet we get it wrong. Happiness doesn’t happen the way we think.”

If you are in a career or a relationship you tolerate, but don’t appreciate, external factors control you and your hopes of a happy life. If you’re not happy, don’t you think it’s time to do something about it? Or perhaps you’ve tried to change your situation, to no avail. Perhaps, it’s time to try something different? You deserve a fulfilling life with a career and relationships you enjoy. Everyone does. If you’ve settled in areas in your life, due to other people’s expectations or societal norms, it’s time to take a stand and declare you won’t tolerate it any longer.

The American spiritual teacher Adyashanti says, “The keys to your happiness are no longer in anyone else’s pocket from the past. They’re in yours.” It is time to make a list of things you want and create action steps to propel you forward.

A Wonderful Life Is Available Now

“Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys. If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it.”—Fyodor Dostoevsky

Most people want a happy life and seek ‘objects’ and ‘people’ to make them happy. Happiness does not arise from things and people, it comes from within. It requires cultivating happiness through the journey of life. It takes a season to slow down, contemplate life, face your pain, ask the hard questions and challenge yourself.

Consider for a moment Todd Kashdan and Robert Biswas-Diener’s perspective in The Upside of Your Dark Side: “To put it succinctly, we humans are horrible at guessing how happy we will feel in the future, and yet we base important life decisions on these flawed predictions. We purchase TVs, plan retirement, and say yes to dinner dates all because of an imperfect guess about how happy they will make us.”

I assure you, a happy life is available to you now.

What Are You Willing To Do Different?

“People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost.”—H. Jackson Brown

If you want to settle where you are, I respect it, but don’t encourage it. Maybe you’re indifferent and offer the common phrase: “I’m fine” when asked how you are, but you’re miserable inside. You say you want a better life but you’re not willing to do anything different. You’re unwilling to travel a road you haven’t travelled before. You may be scared or tired. I understand, but you can do better. Everyone can, despite external conditions.

I’ve experienced periods in my life where I wasn’t happy. Not that I didn’t want to be happy, I didn’t know how to be. I knew how to keep pressing forward no matter what. I believed I could find happiness. Even though it didn’t come in the way I expected and might not show up the way you expect, yet there’s a wellspring of happiness within you. As soon as you acknowledge it, you’ll realise life has more to offer—even if nothing has yet changed in your life.

“Becoming more engaged in what we do by finding ways to make our life more meaningful is the surest way to finding lasting happiness. When our daily actions fulfil a bigger purpose, the most powerful and enduring happiness can happen,” writes Gary Keller and Jay Papasan. Stop waiting for the perfect moment to be happy or accomplished. Make your happiness a priority. Tell your partner, your boss, you friends, and your family you will change the situation, with the first thing being your perspective.

You will stop trying to meet other people’s expectations. You will discover who you are and a joy bubbling within you, waiting for you to release it. Today is the perfect day to acknowledge your success, your happiness, and your fulfilled dreams. You don’t need to wait for the right circumstances to happen. Life is what we make of it, so make your dreams come true. Beginning today.

4. Commit To Your Dreams, Regardless of External Conditions
Nothing is Permanent

“We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing. Action always generates inspiration. Inspiration seldom generates action.” — Frank Tibolt

As you know success requires having a dream and creating an action plan that propels you towards them. But when you are on your path to success and feel stagnant or stuck in the same spot — what do you do then? How do you navigate your way forward when nothing seems to go to plan?

There’s an old song which echoes the lyrics: I Never Promised You A Rose Garden. When I hear it, I’m reminded of the sentiments in the song line that we are not promised optimal conditions throughout our lives. There is no Santa Claus handing out our desires on a silver platter. Life will never be as we hope for and we must come to terms with that. Things that we don’t plan for happen unexpectedly. Things don’t go as planned, and it’s important to know that despite this, we will be ok. Life is a wonderful journey despite the setbacks, failures, trials and temptations.

Author Mary O’Malley explains in What’s in the Way Is the Way: A Practical Guide for Waking Up to Life: “Everything in your life — especially your challenges — is tailor-made to help you see your stories of struggle. Whatever is in the way is the way!” Nothing is permanent except your thoughts about a situation. All things have a used by date. Even your struggles and pain have a finite life, unless you give them more energy than they deserve.

I recall speaking with a respected child physician when my nephew was hospitalised for pneumonia. He observed that children have amazing healing abilities because they don’t add meaning and context to their illness, like adults. While they feel lousy one moment, they bounce back just as quick, since they don’t ruminate on their illness which slows the healing process. We should take a leaf out of their book and step back from the chaos of our lives, so we can also recover quickly from our setbacks.

Growth Requires Perseverance

“Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold — but so does a hard-boiled egg.”—Author Unknown

I enjoy the statement: “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass; it’s about learning to dance in the rain.” Learning to dance in the rain should be our objective because if happiness and inner peace is what we want, it is still possible despite outward circumstances. In the statement, the rain symbolises trials, setbacks and frustrations. Therefore, don’t focus on what you cannot control, but lean towards what is within your power. It is about persevering through unfortunate circumstances and choosing to enjoy the present moment.

“Serenity comes not only from accepting what we cannot change but from giving up trying to be in control,” states psychotherapist David Richo in: The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them. Life is what you make of it. I’m not stating something new, but reminding you there are two ways of looking at your circumstance, yet we focus attention on what is wrong instead of what could be right.

It is about optimal growth.

Don’t Lose Heart

“The only man who never makes mistakes is the man who never does anything.” – Theodore Roosevelt

Life is full of twists and turns, some of them contain unexpected situations where you struggle with: frustration, sadness, and hopelessness. Don’t be discouraged when they show up but learn to weather the storm. Things will not go as you expect, keep moving forward, anyway. “If you rise from a fall once, you become that much more confident you can rise again,” reminds author Sam Weinman in Win at Losing: How Our Biggest Setbacks Can Lead to Our Greatest Gains.

There will always be something not right with where you are in your journey. If you focus on what is right or what you’ve accomplished, your attitude will be better. You will be grateful and content no matter what surrounds you or how long it takes to achieve your dreams. You will be happy instead of disheartened.

Don’t lose heart.

Take Inspired Action

“What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?” – Vincent van Gogh

Dreams are inspiring. Every person should have a dream to work towards. Besides, it is important to create an inspired action plan that will help you achieve your dreams. By inspired I mean pursuing a cause that means something to you. Take inspired action towards your dreams so you create momentum and move towards them. As you take the smallest step forward, your energy propels you in that direction, and the momentum carries you over the bumps in the road.

Founder of Mindvalley Vishen Lakhiani writes in The Code of the Extraordinary Mind: 10 Unconventional Laws to Redefine Your Life and Succeed On Your Own Terms: “Have big goals — but don’t tie your happiness to your goals. You must be happy before you attain them.” As you go to work, universal intelligence brings forth your desires and dreams. No matter the circumstances, inspired action should be taken so you are progressing. The right conditions to thrive and prosper reside in your thoughts, not in outward circumstances. If your attitude is in alignment with your dreams, you’re well on your way to accomplishing them.

Just Do It

“Always do your best. What you plant now, you will harvest later.”— Og Mandino

Is it taking longer for you to accomplish your dreams? Just keep taking the next step. Are you frustrated with obstacles and setbacks? Trust the process and the journey that is unfolding. It is leading you somewhere but not where you imagine. You won’t know until you get there, so for now release your worries, judgement and frustration and settle in for the ride. Enjoy where you are, on the way to where you are going. Take heart, knowing you will accomplish your dreams in due time.

Think of a garden. It’s important to have good soil to produce fruit, but the soil need not be perfect to bring forth a harvest. The same goes for you. Your life doesn’t have to be perfect or problem free to reach your dreams, or enjoy happiness now. Authors Todd Kashdan and Robert Biswas-Diener remind us of this truth in The Upside of Your Dark Side: “Unfortunately, avoiding problems also means avoiding finding the solutions to those problems.” Focus on what is good and what is going right and continue to take inspired action towards your dreams. Afterall, just do it no matter what the conditions and you will achieve something meaningful owing to your commitment and perseverance.

5. Think Long Term To Overcome Temporary Setbacks
Hidden Lessons

“Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

It’s easier to obsess over setbacks, than to try to play the long game when it comes to your dreams. After all, obstacles are real while the future is promised to no one. Disappointments have a way of overpowering you, however, they are just one aspect of your life. The key is to continually move forward and to not become caught up in your problems for too long.

You mustn’t allow what is taking place to overshadow your long-term plans. It was Henry Ford who said: “When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” Like buried treasure, opportunities are hidden in your setbacks if you are willing to look hard enough. Once the anxiety settles, you come to realise the real account emerges.

Life should be measured in its entirety, not by your failures. If you’re lucky enough, you will live a long life. So, avoid giving too much attention to your setbacks, since you are likely to bounce back from them. That is, don’t overstate what is taking place. We have a tendency towards a negativity bias which gets the better of us. Yes, your setbacks may be real, but you will overcome them to the best of your ability.

“If you can remember to look at your long-term goals, however, it will help you put setbacks into perspective,” affirms author Amy Morin in 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do. Move your awareness away from negativity and consider the long-term view. What could be taking place behind the scenes that you are unaware of? Is there is a hidden lesson contained within the setback?

Self-Control and Discipline

The value of adopting a long-term view is in not taking things too seriously because ultimately it will resolve itself if you are patient. You must develop a clear picture of your intended future, instead of focusing on the setback. Obstacles are part of every person’s life. Whilst they are difficult to deal with, they allow for vital personal growth for the journey ahead. You must adopt self-control and discipline to think long-term.

No one knows what the future holds, but if you have a purposeful vision of what it might look like, you can overcome your short term pain. “Failures, setbacks, bad luck, disasters; they are there to serve you, not hold you back. They toughen you up and drive you to improve. Frustration fuels growth. It gives you the energy and resolve to clean yourself up, get organized, fix what you can, and take the next step,” states author Larry Weidel in Serial Winner: 5 Actions to Create Your Cycle of Success.

Long-term thinking helps you appreciate that things will improve and you are never trapped in your present circumstances. Time tests your inner resolve, your strength of character and your ability to withstand present conditions. Emotional growth occurs when you allow a situation to play out as it should. It is difficult to take a long-term view because our minds are not accustomed to think far ahead. We are conditioned to deal with what is taking place now and typically have a limited view of tomorrow.

That comes at a cost to our wellbeing, because if we follow this script we are constantly putting out spot fires instead of working on our dreams. To think long-term, develop an introspective outlook while reviewing your plans for the future.

Imagine Your Proposed Future

“It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.”— Confucius

Take action however small, whether it be things such as self-reinforcement, affirmations or visualisations. Success is found in the smallest details. In his book The Time Paradox: The New Psychology of Time That Will Change Your Life, psychologist and professor at Stanford University, Philip Zimbardo, states there are six time paradoxes that shape our lives:

1. Past-negative

2. Past-positive

3. Present-fatalistic

4. Present-hedonistic

5. Future

6. Transcendental-future

If you wish to take an inventory of your time perspective, I encourage you to complete the Zimbardo Time Perspective Inventory test online.  Based on his principles, your relationship with time influences every aspect of your life. So if you dwell on the past, you are less likely to appreciate the present moment and plan for the future. The key to long term thinking is to imagine your proposed future through the power of your imagination. Focus on the smaller destinations instead of the larger picture.

“You need to change your self-talk in order to shift the story you’re telling yourself about setbacks and adversity. You need to seek the insight or wisdom in challenging moments,” affirms author Adam Markel in Pivot: The Art and Science of Reinventing Your Career and Life.

Focus on the Long Game

There is always some action to take however small, to move you forward towards your dreams. Long-term thinking is something I’ve followed throughout my adult life. Whilst others excelled in individual areas and gained immediate results, I focused on long-term outcomes.

I experience setbacks and obstacles like most others, yet I don’t allow it to consume me. When I find myself stuck in a situation, I consider it a minor speed hump in what is a long journey. I enjoy author Whitney Johnson’s view in her book Disrupt Yourself: Putting the Power of Disruptive Innovation to Work: “As I have grappled with my own failures, and as I have watched others dealing with setbacks, I have observed several responses that seem to ameliorate failure, transforming it into a stepping-stone to future success.”

That is the framework of this entire piece — using your setbacks as a stepping stone for future success. It is what esteemed Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck calls developing a Growth Mindset. “Dweck says it’s difficult to maintain confidence in a fixed mind-set without distorting the world, such as acting defensively or blaming someone or something else for setbacks,” says Peter Sims in Little Bets: How breakthrough ideas emerge from small discoveries.

To overcome a setback, recognise it as a minor process in what is a greater plan unfolding. Deal with what is taking place by all means, but use the lessons to develop a Growth Mindset. I invite you to focus on the long game to achieve your dreams. That is where the fruit of your labour lies waiting for you to seize it, rather than dwell on your past mistakes.

The post 5 Ways To Fully Commit To Your Dreams So You Never Give Up appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

How To Keep Your Heart In The Driver’s Seat Without Letting Your Mind Hijack You

Develop A Strong Relationship With Your Heart

“Listen to your heart. It knows all things, because it came from the Soul of the World and it will one day return there.”—Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

“What must I do to attain holiness?” said a traveller.

“Follow your heart,” said the Master.

That seemed to please the traveller.

Before he left, however, the Master said to him in a whisper: “To follow your heart you are going to need a strong constitution.”

The strong constitution Anthony de Mello speaks of is knowing the language of your heart and abiding by its wisdom.

The mind is notorious for leading us astray due to a simple reason: We believe and act out our thoughts. And we’re not to blame, because the voices in our head are real.

However, thoughts are fleeting electrical impulses, while the heart’s wisdom is true and constant. It is the silent whisper of the soul that speaks without drowning out your thoughts.

“Thoughts are not necessarily facts. Most of the time they’re not even close,” writes Donald Altman in Clearing Emotional Clutter: Mindfulness Practices for Letting Go of What’s Blocking Your Fulfilment.

Many people are unable to make sense of The Language Of The Heart, let alone know it exists. But intuition is real and we’re only now beginning to realise how powerful it is when utilised properly.

Whilst I concede there’s a long way to go in understanding the heart’s inherent capabilities, one thing is for certain; the heart is the centre of all wisdom.

At the HeartMath Institute, research suggests the heart sends more signals to the brain than the brain sends to the heart. Other biological processes known as Heart Rate Coherence represents a dynamic balance within the Autonomic Nervous System, so that positive emotions have a balanced effect on your mind and body.

The key is to develop an intimate relationship with your heart, instead of letting your thoughts steer you in a direction not of your choosing.

Have you noticed how your thoughts can sometimes lead you down a path of self-destruction? You wind up making wrong decisions because you trusted your thoughts were right.

Author Peter Francis Dziuban writes in Simply Notice: Clear Awareness Is the Key To Happiness, Love and Freedom: “If it ever seems as if thoughts are bombarding, sit back and calmly notice.”

The Silent Deadly Thoughts

“At the centre of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want.”—Lao Tzu

Those who are attuned to the language of their heart note how it speaks in silent whispers instead of drowning out their thoughts. The communication is encouraging and truthful without an agenda. Practices like meditation can help you to become more accustomed to the wisdom of your heart instead of the blaring thoughts in your mind.

Ultimately, it requires down the mental chatter to find peace and contentment within.

The heart is the seat of intuition and creative impulses while the mind is the seat of logic. However, logic is unable to delineate between non-linear dimensions and abstract information, since that is the realm of intuition.

To keep your heart in the driver’s seat means to tune in to the silent impulses of the heart. To do this, recognise your intuitive drives and act on them more often instead of dismiss them as insignificant.

The more you engage intuition, the more you will come to appreciate and trust it. Most people rush about their daily lives caught up in their thoughts or consumed by their external surroundings. They rarely take the time to notice what is taking place beneath their thoughts.

“Being in touch with your feelings” is often touted as a good thing, a way to ‘be in your heart,’ to live a life that balances the thinking part of you with the feeling part,” states Jan Frazier in The Freedom of Being: At Ease with What Is.

If you go about your day stimulated by external noise and mental chatter, this is bound to create stress since there’s so much your body can handle.

“Paying attention to automatic thoughts is simply a habit we can change. When you shift into awareness-based knowing, automatic thinking moves into the background, and you experience true peace of mind,” says psychotherapist and author Loch Kelly.

We must be aware of our thoughts without being invested in them. When I talk about thoughts in this instance, I am referring to the incessant, habitual thoughts that take place in the backdrop of your mind.

These are the silent deadly thoughts that if not attended to can cause emotional and physical problems down the line. For example, you might have an unstable relationship with a co-worker that suddenly spirals out of control. Soon, you are ruminating on ways to sabotage your colleague or trying to avoid them altogether.

You might dwell on the situation more than necessary. After many weeks, the sight of this person causes physiological responses in your body, such as an increased heart rate, sweating or a dull feeling in the pit of your stomach.

This is a case I’ve seen too often working with clients unable to switch off their thoughts.

Donald Altman offers the following advice for recognising such thoughts: “On the other hand, what if you simply observed the same thought as nothing more than a mental sensation? In other words, suppose you viewed it as no different than a physical sensation — except that it’s happening in the mind?”

Develop More Of A Heart Based Awareness

“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honours the servant and has forgotten the gift.”– Albert Einstein

As mentioned earlier, negative and positive thoughts create a physiological response in the body. If you are aware of it, your body will offer clues as to the truthfulness of your thoughts.

Much of the science behind this work was achieved by the late Dr Candace Pert, a neuroscientist and pharmacologist who said: “Your body is your subconscious mind.” Meaning, your body communicates messages from your mind in the form of sensations, impulses or pain. If you are attentive to these physical sensations, you are better equipped to direct your thoughts.

So what can you do to stop your thoughts hijacking you?

First, find time for silence. As little as five minutes a day to begin with is a good starting point. You may find initially that your thoughts overwhelm you, however with continued practice this will settle as your mind becomes accustomed to the silence.

Loch Kelly says: “Research showing that meditation reduces stress demonstrates that the stress is not caused by the external situations we usually blame, but is generated instead by the previous location of identity in our thoughts.”

Second, if you want to better understand your thoughts, journaling is a valuable exercise to notice the theme that underlies your thinking. The process of journaling helps you to transpose incessant thoughts onto paper instead of them dominating your mind.

So, in the earlier example of the heated exchange between you and your colleague, you might journal how you feel instead of ruminating on those thoughts. You may want to take it a step further and find your own solution to the problem. This way you become your own coach and mentor.

Through these exercises, you develop more heart based awareness and learn to trust your intuitive impulses. The key is to use logic and intuition interchangeably so your life’s experiences become a mind-body experience.

So, when an assiduous thought takes place, you notice it before it creates an emotional and physical response in your body. The more you engage in this practice, the less addicted you are to your thoughts.

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