Tony Fahkry's Blog, page 26

Don’t Ever Let The World Make You Cruel Because It’s Not Worth Losing Yourself

Create Your Own Inner Sanctuary Of Peace

“The more time you waste trying to be what others want you to be, the more you lose yourself.”—Unknown

If given the chance, the world will consume you with cruelty and leave you believing life is unfair. Everywhere we turn nowadays, bad news is there to remind us of the terrible conditions in the world. We are living in the most opportune period of this century, yet equally the most nihilistic. News events are broadcast into our living rooms 24 hours a day, seven days a week. With the rise of social media, it has become more prevalent to consume news on mobile devices. I avoid reading newspapers or watching the news because of the negativity it broadcasts. Yet, sometimes we cannot escape it. For example, there have been instances when I’m watching a television program and a breaking news bulletin seizes my attention. Immediately, I am subconsciously taken from a peaceful state to a hypervigilant one without knowing why.

Do you ever get that feeling with the news? Whilst I don’t intend to criticise the media, we have a choice whether we subscribe to the information or focus on matters of greater importance in our lives. The world has a way of making us cruel because it strips us of our humanity when we focus on ourselves and not the greater good of society. We have become desensitised to human suffering, it is now a common feature in our lives. Video games perpetuate this through senseless acts of violence and young people are oblivious to it.

So what can we do about it? How can we prevent the world making us cruel because in the long run, it means losing ourselves to the fear and hatred imposed upon us? Obviously if you’re reading this, you value your personal growth and want to become a better person. My impression is that we must focus on what is close to our hearts and make that our centrepiece. For example, if meditation, mindfulness and yoga practices are something you take part in, these are ways to shield yourself from the negativity of the world. It requires creating your own inner sanctuary of peace despite what is taking place outside you. We can still nurture the seeds of equanimity, kindness and compassion within ourselves without forsaking our values.

Our Inner Refuge Of Peace And Harmony

“When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world.”—Eckhart Tolle

We needn’t subscribe to the drama of modern-day life because it is a guise to distract us from what is essential: knowing our true selves. The world out there will do everything in its power to confuse us from connecting with our true selves. This is the message embodied by my mentor and acclaimed international spiritual author Dennis Merritt Jones who writes in Your Redefining Moments: Becoming Who You Were Born to Be: “The world really doesn’t want you to remember who you truly are because when you begin to live from the authentic self, the world loses much of its control over you and your behaviour. It will do anything in its power to keep you in a dream state wherein the source of your identity is dependent on what’s “out there,” on the surface of life, rather than what lies within you at your centre.”

We are not any of these things because these are disempowering narratives circulated without our consent. Admittedly, we might buy into it every now and again because they have a compelling way of capturing our attention and seizing us in the moment. So when I am distracted by a breaking news event while watching television, I become concerned and entertain thoughts of fear and insecurity. But, leading up to the moment I was peaceful.

How do you find your inner sanctuary amid the chaos of everyday living? What daily practices or rituals do you take part in to ground yourself? The key is to focus on these practices and come home to them often because they are our haven for peaceful living. I don’t believe the world is a cruel place since I appreciate the duality and interplay of our earthly existence. It is how we focus our attention which marks our mental landscape. We can choose fear and its accompanying states or draw on our inner refuge of peace and harmony to coalesce the negativity in the world. If there are more people tuning in to the peacefulness within, then fear has no place to live. Ultimately, it is up to us not to allow the world to make us cruel because it will pull us every which way and we won’t know how we got there. We mustn’t lose ourselves to the cruelty but unite with the undying magnificence of our spiritual self.

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Life Doesn’t Just Happen To You, It Reveals Itself Through You

Our Journey Of Self-Discovery

“Whatever happens, happens to you by you, through you; you are the creator, enjoyer and destroyer of all you perceive.”—Nisargadatta Maharaj

Do you believe life happens to you or for you? Take your time to reflect on this because your answer will give you an insight into how you relate to life. Many people are certain life is external to their experience of it. The problem with this is that it takes away our ability to make empowered choices. If we think life is being enacted upon us, we are likely to surrender control and become victims of our circumstances.

Like many others, I was certain life was happening to me until I realised the source of my power was within me. For a long time, it seemed life was out to get me and that my illness and father’s passing resulted from karmic forces I had little control over. I upheld this belief for many years until realising I am the essence of life unfolding through me. In fact, life happens for me, not to me as I once thought. It took years of pain and suffering to come to this realisation. When I look back, it is difficult to comprehend how I assumed otherwise. It is why I sympathise with those who think this way because we are conditioned to believe life is external to us and not within our control.

Can you see how adopting this way of thinking can be of great benefit to you? Victimhood is not an empowering state because we blame circumstances and others for our problems instead of taking charge of the outcomes. Victimhood robs us of our capacity to create choices in line with our greater good. This is the message espoused by author Alex Pattakos who writes in Prisoners of Our Thoughts: Viktor Frankl’s Principles for Discovering Meaning in Life and Work: “When we complain, we disconnect. When we complain, we hold whatever or whoever we’re complaining about as a shield. We therefore perpetuate victimization and helplessness.” Not all of life is smooth sailing. When we were born into this earth school we didn’t sign up for good times alone but a journey of self-discovery. This means we are likely to experience circumstances that challenge us and compel us to awaken our greatest power. But how can we awaken our greatest power when we are asleep at the wheel of life? Nothing significant arises from the familiar other than boredom and listlessness.

Make Choices That Serve Your Highest Good

“Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don’t have to like it… it’s just easier if you do.”—Byron Katie

Mankind has an inherent need to create meaning in his life while realising his purpose and potential. Animals instinctively know their role within the ecosystem of life. It is only mankind that looks for his purpose outside of him when it lies waiting within. If life is to reveal itself through us, we must let go of the storyline that we are external to life. In doing so, we appreciate that every thought and action serves a purpose for our greatest good. I don’t believe there are accidents within a purposeful universe, only the opportunity to align with that which resonates with our deepest self. I must admit that finding our way within this purposeful universe is difficult and why I empathise with those who become lost. Yet, what we perceive as being lost is part of a grander narrative of our life coming together as it should.

Here’s something to consider: What if every wrong turn, every wrong decision, every failed relationship or career choice, still lead you to the life you’re meant to live. How would you feel? Whilst my question may sound like a riddle, life still functions within a container of wrong turns and dead ends, yet it is the outcome that matters. Often, when coaching clients I like to use the metaphor of finding their way out through a maze, analogous to our life’s journey. When entering the maze, we will take wrong turns and yet these are purposeful to help us find the exit. Unless we are looking down on the maze from above, we cannot possibly know the shortest route to the exit, so we make mistakes to get there. And that is the essence of what takes place in our lives: our mistakes help us find our way if we learn from them.

Are you beginning to see how your life can still be purposeful even if it doesn’t look that way? This is something worth considering because knowing you are at the wheel of your life’s journey allows you to make empowered choices aligned with your core values. Even mistakes and their second cousins, setbacks and obstacles serve a purpose within the backdrop of life. The key is to keep moving and become aware of our choices that serve our highest good, instead of being dictated by unconscious beliefs. If we subscribe to the latter, we are no more than automatons having life imposed upon us and wrongly mistaking it for how life should be. As you will come to realise, your life choices will be reflected in your expanded awareness, thus leading you to a life filled with fulfilment and your destiny.

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You Are Not What Happens To You, But You Become How You Respond To It

You Are Not What Happens To You

“I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.”—Stephen Covey

You are not what happens to you but it is how you respond to it that shapes your future. Listen, we’ve all had bad things happen, some more than others, yet that doesn’t diminish the events of the past. Perhaps you retreated into yourself to find solace and meaning on why the events took place. Stop! Stop trying to make sense of what happened because we spend unnecessary mental and emotional energy trying to figure out life.

To rationalise life logically is a battle we seldom win. What makes me certain of this you ask? Having coached hundreds of people over the past decade and through my own ordeals, I‘ve come to realise that making sense of what happens to us is a futile battle that only results in pain and disappointment. The mental and emotional energy is better spent trying to find solutions instead of contextualising its meaning.

Life is not what happens to us, it is how we respond and grow from the experiences that shapes our destiny. It is what the American Zen Buddhist teacher Joan Halifax means when she writes in Standing at the Edge: Finding Freedom Where Fear and Courage Meet about accepting everything that shows up in our life including the difficult moments: “I have come to see the profound value of taking in the whole landscape of life and not rejecting or denying what we are given. I have also learned that our waywardness, difficulties, and “crises” might not be terminal obstacles. They can actually be gateways to wider, richer internal and external landscapes.”

Does this make sense because it’s worth spending time to understand you are not what happens to you but who you become because of it? The events of the past took place based on your level of awareness. Put simply, if you want to do large-scale renderings using the latest Adobe Illustrator program on an 80’s built computer, the program might require more than what the computer can process. However, if you upgrade your hardware, it can perform these functions easier. Our troubles and disappointments occur because our level of awareness does not match the experience taking place.

So if our significant other breaks up with us, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with us, only our growth at the time was not a match to maintain the relationship. If we lose our job or our health suffers, it is because our level of consciousness is not at the level to sustain those things. A popular aphorism states: “To grow thyself, know thyself.” As we grow in consciousness, we develop the ability to give more of ourselves and attract circumstances consistent with our level of consciousness. It is why the rich and wealthy are rich and wealthy. They’ve developed a wealth and prosperity consciousness owing to years of self-improvement and personal growth. It is why those who are fit and healthy maintain healthy lives because they’ve developed a consciousness to sustain that way of being. And this is a very important principle because if we improve ourselves, we undoubtedly see the results manifest in our lives.

I hope this idea resonates with you because it is necessary understanding this principle. The message is that nothing happens to us which we don’t allow, irrespective of whether we are conscious or unconscious. The latter is problematic because if we are oblivious to our motives, we make automated decisions not congruent with our greater self. Considering this, reflect on your own life, particularly the past. Have there been times when your career, health or relationships suffered because of what you were certain of?

I recall more than a dozen examples of what I knew with certainty, was incomplete. Often, what we think we know about life can lead us down a trail of self-destruction. It is when we let go of preconceived ideas of how life should be that we experience life becoming itself. Life knows what it needs to become and if we are attached to how this should unfold, we limit its potential to occur. It is in releasing and renewing we discover the essence of our life’s narrative. The lesson here is that your circumstances whether past or present do not make up who you are, but adds a narrative to who you will become. This, my friends, determines the future you’re destined to live.

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The Strongest Amongst Us Are Not Applauded For Their Growth, Yet Bloom In Silence

Grappling With The Dark Night Of The Soul

“Talents are best nurtured in solitude, but character is best formed in the stormy billows of the world.”—Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Who are you in your quietest moments when no one is looking? How do you feed your soul when you experience pain and heartache? A wildflower by the side of the road endures the elements and yet blooms in silence. Therefore, strength is gained when others are oblivious to our struggles because we choose to feed our soul with nourishment. During such a moment we experience a shift in awareness that marks the mental landscape of who we will become. I’m reminded of the passage by the Zimbabwean author and poet, Billy Chapata who wrote: “The strongest ones bleed in silence. Have no one applauding their growth. Have no one watching their healing process. They bloom in silence.”

Take a moment to reflect upon the growth taken place in your own life. What events or circumstances have shaped your development? Did you resist it at first, yet realise it was exactly what was needed for your personal growth? As you may know, growth is never linear, we may experience one step forward and two steps back. However, if we dwell upon our setbacks, we are not seeing the entire picture, but judging the fragmented pieces of a puzzle that will eventually come together.

Personal growth is an arduous journey lined with moments of despair, interspersed with joyous ones. This journey called life is a voyage of highs and lows. There is never a time when everything is smooth sailing because that would mean remaining idle and not developing our greatest strength. Perhaps we shouldn’t cling to the good times but appreciate them when they arrive. I believe life is not meant to be a sea of happiness nor the depths of despair. Our journey is a transient tale of dualities, so we can experience our true nature amongst the peaks and valleys.

For example, has life been a series of good and bad times or is it smooth sailing? I’m yet to meet anyone who claims life has been easy-going. Even the wealthy with their material riches encounter problems. No one is immune to the ravages of life. Though, how we respond to our circumstances determines our level of growth or whether we remain mired in our problems. The strongest amongst us wrestle and toil with the fabric of their existence in silence, some of them grappling with the dark night of the soul. They bleed in silence. They bloom in silence and emerge stronger than before, for their wounds are sacred gifts to themselves and others. It is what spiritual author Matt Kahn means when he writes in Everything Is Here to Help You: A Loving Guide to Your Soul’s Evolution: “To alter someone’s experience is much like continually moving the seeds planted, hoping to find a more ideal spot for growth. Each time a seed is moved, the growing process is interrupted and disturbs the roots that are meant to sprout along their own rhythm of time.”

Meet Others With Kind-Heartedness

“You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself one.”—James A. Froude

We all have our cross to bear. Some of us carry heavier burdens than others but this does not diminish their self-worth. In fact, their spiritual path may be greater than others because of the challenges they face. So if we stumble across those experiencing hardship, instead of judging them, we may like to send them a quiet blessing. Because in the solitude of their existence they endure pain and suffering we take for granted. They do not need our sympathy nor do they need our judgement. Their pain and suffering is more than enough. What they need is thoughts of love and compassion. A Buddhist saying I often recite when I learn of someone’s pain is: “May you be safe. May you be peaceful. May you be healthy. May you live with ease.” Through this simple declaration I send them loving thoughts because what I wish for them, I wish for myself. I meet them from a place of kind-heartedness because I recognise their humanity, knowing our souls walk different paths. I remind myself they are not less worthy but they have chosen earthly experiences that demand greater growth.

It’s no secret: how we treat others reflects in how we treat ourselves. The greatest gift I can offer myself is to treat others with compassion even if I can’t do anything for them. It was the Dalai Lama who once said: “If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them.” If they need to suffer in silence, we ought to allow them the space to find their strength and courage. It is their path, and ours is not to judge nor castigate them but greet them with kindness and humility. The strongest amongst us suffer in silence because in those moments when they are grappling with their inner demons, they are close to awakening their inner power.

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The Way You Speak To Yourself Echoes Through Your Relationship With Yourself And Others

Your Self-Talk Speaks Volumes About You To The World. Are You Listening?

“You will become what you think about most; your success or failure in anything, large or small, will depend on your programming—what you accept from others, and what you say when you talk to yourself.” ― Shad Helmstetter, What To Say When You Talk To Your Self

If someone were to look at how you treat yourself, what might they say about you? It’s said, we will never speak to anyone more than we speak to ourselves and this is why we must be kind to ourselves. Knowing that, what is the relationship you have with yourself? You see, every interaction we have with others begins inside our heads and echoes throughout our external world. If we are not happy with our relationships, we ought to examine our thoughts to see how we treat ourselves.

For example, are you aware of the mental chatter that takes place within your mind? What is the theme of your dominant thoughts? Whilst I don’t intend to focus on whether you entertain negative thoughts or not, it’s important to know the nature of our thoughts. Thinking is something we are habituated to from a young age. We may not notice our thoughts are negative until it shows up in our reality.

To give you an example, when I go shopping at the local supermarket, there’s a mature aged checkout operator who often invites people with eight items or less to come through her register. I often overhear her telling shoppers about her sore shoulder and she asks them to bag their own items. What’s interesting about her interactions, is that during the space of a few minutes she will have told them how her entire body is in pain and she relies on medication to function. Now, if she works an eight-hour shift, she will have recited this story to at least fifty to one hundred people in one day. What we think about ourselves is what we communicate to others. On some level, she doesn’t believe her body is healthy and talks about her ill-health as a way of reaffirming her thoughts and beliefs.

As the Hermetic aphorism states: “As within, so without.” What we hold in mind has a ripple effect in our life and the lives of others. The checkout operator’s thoughts are a declaration to her subconscious mind, however negative they may be. Whilst I appreciate she may be looking for sympathy, it would be better if she stopped talking about her pain and ill-health and directed her thoughts towards more empowering ones. Perhaps this takes place in your own life without your conscious awareness? Not so much your health maybe your finances, relationships or career. It is easy to miss if we are not attentive to it.

We Must Become Our Own Therapist

“The brain simply believes what you tell it most. And what you tell it about you, it will create. It has no choice.”― Shad Helmstetter, What To Say When You Talk To Your Self

Life can be difficult and this is why few people make the time for self-enquiry to journal their thoughts on paper. This can be an important step because it gives us a portrait into what is brewing beneath the surface of our minds. This simple practice, whether performed in the morning or evening, can help us to understand ourselves better. As a result, we are able to weed out thoughts not conducive to our general wellbeing. Can you relate to this? Is this something you’re willing to devote time and energy towards? I can assure you the time you invest in yourself will come back to you tenfold. I enjoy the message by author and motivational psychologist Dr. Shad Helmstetter who explains in What To Say When You Talk To Your Self how our self-talk can help us prevail over negative programming by replacing it with self-empowering thoughts: “Self-Talk is a way to override our past negative programming by erasing or replacing it with conscious, positive new directions. Self-Talk is a practical way to live our lives by active intent rather than by passive acceptance.”

There is nothing more important than nurturing the relationship we have with ourselves. Even though you may have experienced a difficult past, does it make sense how the way you speak to yourself dictates whether you remain a victim to your troubles or better understand yourself? Many people say they had a difficult childhood, bombarded with emotional and physical abuse. Whilst this can be a difficult period, what was missing from our lives during our formative years should be given our attention as adults. If love, appreciation, kindness and compassion was missing when we were young, it is more important we cultivate these qualities as adults. We must become our own therapist and counsellor and plant the seeds of compassion, forgiveness and equanimity, for the love of oneself is the soil that never runs dry.

Pulling Weeds Is Not a Part-Time Job

The dialogue we have with ourselves can be rewritten if we are willing to weed out destructive thoughts. It requires commitment because caring for our inner landscape is an act of self-love. Attending to our thoughts is like pulling out weeds from a garden so it can flourish. If the weeds are left to grow they will overtake the luscious greenery. The key message here is: Be mindful!  Watch your thoughts by being attentive to them more often. Let go of thoughts not conducive to the person you wish to be and harvest those indicative of the person you intend to be and plant some new thought seeds. At the end of the day, the way you speak to yourself not only echoes through your relationship with yourself but the relationship you have with others. “As within, so without” is more than a pithy saying–it is sage wisdom, yes? Now THAT is worth talking about!

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How Coaching And Mentoring Drives Success To Help You Reach Your Goals

How are you progressing with your goals?

Are you making headway or do you feel something is holding you back from taking the next step?

It’s no secret that anyone pursuing a goal dream will undoubtedly stumble upon roadblocks, and setbacks at some point. This is natural, yet in my experience coaching many hundreds of people, this is a key area that holds people back from progressing to the next step. Let me tell you why. Many of us perceive resistance and chaos as a setback where in fact it is real progress because we are pushing past our comfort zone. What you interpret as deleterious is the resistance you feel moving to the next level.

One of the key factors when coaching clients is helping them to understand The Change Cycle. When we recognise that change is difficult at its best, it takes the pressure off believing our setbacks are permanent. They are anything but permanent and normally related to developing key skills, proficiencies and the right frame of mind to move past the sticking point to reach our goals.

Today’s article is about the value of Coaching And Mentoring to help you drive success and reach your goals. Coaching and mentoring helps you to consider situations from an entirely new perspective. You may look to others in your field for guidance and advice, or family members and loved ones. Unless they have a particular ability and interest in your field, the advice given can often be hit or miss. I don’t say this to devalue other people’s advice, however we need to be targeted and specific in whom we call upon for guidance. For example, I work with a mentor who is an internationally acclaimed author, keynote speaker, and coach for over thirty years. His guidance has been invaluable in accelerating my success by inviting me to look at situations through a different lens; he sees what I don’t.

For those of you who have been following my articles on Medium, thank you for your support. I trust the material has giving you what you need to accelerate your success and fuel your personal growth. I truly believe in the message espoused through my writing, not only because I live it and breathe it for the past decade, but because I have seen it transform people’s lives.

If you are looking to take your success to the next level, irrespective of whether it be personal or professional, I hope you will consider the role of Coaching and Mentoring within that mix. In recent weeks, I have reduced the price of my hourly rate which you can find HERE. The reason being, I want to make it more accessible because I believe in the value it brings to people’s lives. If this is something that appeals to you, send me a message and I will reach out to you to organise a suitable day and time to meet via Skype. I’ve had the pleasure of coaching people from all walks of life, ranging from: CEOs, senior executives, barristers and solicitors to stay at home mums and self-employed entrepreneurs. The common theme amongst these people is the willingness to move out of their comfort zone and experience growth to reach their goals, dreams and highest ambitions.

For now, thank you for reading and I look forward to connecting with you soon.

To your continued success and happiness.

Tony

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Why It’s Never Too Late To Rediscover Your Joy And Fall In Love With Being Alive

We All Have Choices, Irrespective Of Our Conditions

“Live life to the fullest. You have to colour outside the lines once in a while if you want to make your life a masterpiece. Laugh some every day. Keep growing, keep dreaming, and keep following your heart. The important thing is not to stop questioning.”—Albert Einstein

I want to ask you a question so simple you may not have asked it before: Are you happy being alive? Do you feel a sense of joy when you wake up each morning? Do you look forward to the day or is your outlook filled with dread, worry or anxiety? Ponder this over the coming paragraphs as I try to convince you why it’s never too late to rediscover your joy and fall in love with being alive.

There’s a great deal that takes place beyond our conscious mind which we’re unaware of. For this reason, it is important we make time for self-enquiry to see what is going on beneath the surface. I liken it to a pot that simmers before it comes to a boil. By then the temperature has increased, which reflects what takes place in our own lives. If a situation is not given our attention, it will simmer beneath the surface and reach a boiling point. It may be difficult to find our way back to peace and harmony because of the disruption to our lives. Some people believe life is difficult and don’t experience joy and happiness, even if it landed in their lap. This is because they are mired in their misery which becomes their default setting and they view any change as unfamiliar.

When was the last time you made a choice? Obviously within the last several minutes because you chose to click on the link to this article. But consider the thousands of other choices you make each day—how many are made with clear intention, in a manner that will positively affect your life today? My point is, we all have choices, irrespective of our conditions, our past and present circumstances. We can choose joy and fall in love with being alive because it is one of the most precious gifts we are given. Something happens to a person at a certain point in their life. They come to appreciate the value of life which can be taken away from us in any moment. When we are young, we have the world ahead of us and don’t think far into the future. But the future arrives quicker than we realise and soon enough we are middle-aged and time has passed us by. Reflect on your own life, and the choices you’ve made that were less than fully conscious—how has the past and the choices you made affected who you are now? Have you experienced challenging moments or turning points that shaped the way you are today?

Remember. Release. Renew

“In the end these things matter most: How well did you love? How fully did you live? How deeply did you let go?” — Jack Kornfield

Whilst it’s said the past needn’t determine where we’re headed, we create a prosperous future by referencing the past through a new landscape. We don’t need to drag the past along with us like a worn-out ornament, but see it through the eyes of compassion and forgiveness. We ought to take what is valuable from the past to alter our experience of the future. You are not defined by your past any more than what happened to you yesterday. The past has taken place but from this present moment, it is a figment of our imagination. We cannot touch, see, nor experience it but only replay it in our minds. It was the Japanese Buddhist priest Nichiren Daishonin who once said: “If you want to understand the causes that existed in the past, look at the results as they are manifested in the present. And if you want to understand what results will be manifested in the future, look at the causes that exist in the present.” It is why forgiveness, kindness and compassion are essential when rewriting a new karmic script for the future.

It is possible to experience exuberant joy and fall in love with being alive, irrespective of what has occurred in our life. The obstacles and challenges we experienced are not the impediments but are in fact the way. Our pain, hurt and misery are the keys to heal what is buried deep within us. As the former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom Winston Churchill once declared: “If you are going through hell, keep going.” The way out through pain and heartache is not to run away from it or stow it deep within our mind since that makes it come back stronger. To overcome the wounds of the past requires us to experience them now in the present moment through the eyes of forgiveness and compassion. These higher vibrational states which are bestowed in love are the soul’s eyes looking at itself through a canvas of love and equanimity.

To rediscover joy and fall in love with being alive requires we let go of hurt and disappointments while refusing to drag along excess baggage not relevant to our future. I often mention to coaching clients and audience members a three-word mantra to describe this process: Remember. Release. Renew. So we remember the past, however instead of witnessing it through the eyes of pain and suffering, we rewrite a new script through the eyes of forgiveness and compassion. To release means to let go of disempowering thoughts or emotions associated with the past since we cannot create a new future with these negative states following us. Renew invites us to appreciate the lessons imbued in those experiences, so we can see them through a new lens. If we wish to rediscover joy and fall in love with being alive, we must let go of that which impedes upon this way of life. Only then will we discover the fountain of joy that has been living within us all this time.

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How To Love Yourself Through The Difficult Times When There’s Little Growth

Dare To Go Deep Into Your Being

“There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling leaves and remember that it is enough to be taken care of by myself.” –Brian Andreas

The way we treat ourselves in difficult moments says a lot about who we are. It’s easy to be on top of the world when things are going right and we want to hold on to this feeling hoping it will last forever. Yet when it doesn’t, it feels like we’re bound to train tracks with an oncoming train headed our way and unable to move.

How we act towards ourselves in our darkest moment’s lays the foundation for who we become later on. Self-love is a difficult concept for many to grasp. I’ve had countless coaching sessions with people who find it hard to love and appreciate themselves. This primarily stems from our formative years and the messages we received from our parents or caregivers. They become entrenched into our psyche and nervous system and, if reinforced, are difficult to let go of. However, difficult does not mean impossible.

Is this something you’ve experienced? For example, how do you treat yourself when things don’t go your way? When your significant other breaks up with you or your health or finances suffer. What is your inner dialogue during these times? I’ve experienced pain and suffering throughout my life in the form of losing my father to illness, a relationship break up, a health crisis and financial woes. There were times I found it difficult to appreciate myself because of the despairing inner dialogue that convinced me it was my fault for being in this situation. I felt stuck, helpless and hopeless to navigate my way out.

It is why I wrote The Power To Navigate Life: Your Journey: To Freedom because it was a theme I was intimate with and new well. However, I recognised that being stuck in my circumstances was not who I am. It was not the narrative I wanted to live, nor succumb to. I knew somewhere deep within me there was a presence yearning to express itself but I didn’t know how to get in touch with it. I wanted to love and nurture myself with compassion instead of negative self-talk. Gradually, I noticed my conditions began to shift and my inner dialogue changed when I started meditating. I was an anxious person then, but this shifted to a calm and peaceful person over the coming years. I dared to go deep into my being and connect with the love within me.

Breaking Down The Old And Tired Ways Of Living

“Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in one’s own sunshine.”– Ralph Waldo Emerson

The love within us awaits you to come home to it. It is your palace of refuge, a place that knows no bounds, other than to receive you in its arms and awaken you to your authentic self. The self-love I speak of begins by recognising that difficult moments do not last. They come and go from our lives to awaken us to the greater intelligence within us vested in love, light and true refuge. To love yourself through difficult times when there’s little growth requires you trust that what is taking place is doing so to help you let go of the ruins of the past. It is breaking down the old and tired ways of living so a new foundation of strength and love can emerge from your authentic self.

The spiritual teacher and author Matt Kahn offers us the wisdom in his book Everything Is Here to Help You: A Loving Guide to Your Soul’s Evolution that love is more than an emotion but a wellspring of compassion that resides within us and our task is to bring it forth: “From a spiritual perspective, love isn’t an emotion we feel all the time. Love is an unwavering depth of compassion and empathy that reaches inward to embrace our experiences—no matter how mixed up, shut down, unfulfilled, or overwhelmed we tend to be. When rooted in the vibration of love, we don’t have to be completely healed to bring forth the kindness and care that already dwells within us.”

There is a source of love within you that beckons you to connect with it. Don’t take my word for it because it appears on your screen. Unite with this loving presence by standing in front of a mirror and reciting the words: “I love you” the moment you finish reading this article. Recite those three-letter words when you feel joy and happiness or when you are angry or depressed. Recite them as often as you can because you’re outside conditions do not have to dictate how you love yourself. The love I speak of is always there waiting for you to come home to it. The more you connect with this infinite presence, the greater it will be known throughout your life. The way we treat ourselves through difficult times says a lot about who we are because who we are is an energy of love. If we make time to connect with this presence more often, we will realise that our difficulties serve a purpose; to return us to the wholeness of our true self.

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Why Those With A Troubled Past Find A Way To Create An Amazing Future

Understanding The Nature Of Pain

“We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.”—George Bernard Shaw

A troubled past is not a sentence for a deprived future. Our wounds can often be used to create a remarkable future if we perceive them through the lens of compassion and forgiveness. Everybody has experienced pain and troubles in their life, however we mustn’t stay mired in our problems but use them as insights to better understand ourselves. Our troubles do not mean we are flawed or lacking as many are led to believe. If we buy into this narrative, we are convinced what transpired is detrimental to our future. Our wounds are pivotal turning points which can reveal a greater depth of our human nature. They are helpful for better understanding pain and suffering so as to integrate them into our being.

I am drawn to Dr. Alex Lickerman’s perspective who writes in The Undefeated Mind: On the Science of Constructing an Indestructible Self of the need to change the narrative of the past by witnessing it through the eyes of survivorship instead of victimhood: “Another way we might be able to improve our ability to manage pain is by retelling ourselves stories of previous painful experiences from a different perspective: not with a focus on the intensity of the pain we felt but on the fact we survived it. For if we survived a terrible episode of pain in the past, we can survive a similar episode of it in the present.”

You are no more flawed by what took place than an oak tree that has weathered the storm over time. In fact, if you were to get up close you would realise how strong and resilient the tree is despite the forces of nature enacted upon it. Yet, it still stands tall because what doesn’t break it allows it to grow in strength. The same principle is as apparent in our lives: what doesn’t destroy us, advances us more than we realise. A troubled past can be a blessing that gives us clues to our purpose and destiny. Our scars are our battle wounds and should not be looked upon with shame but with courage knowing we faced our battles and emerged stronger. A troubled past is a gateway to strengthening our resolve and commitment to a better future.

Our Past Needn’t Keep Us Stuck

“There is a fine balance between honouring the past and losing yourself in it. For example, you can acknowledge and learn from mistakes you made, and then move on and refocus on the now. It is called forgiving yourself.”—Eckhart Tolle

I experienced difficulties in my youth. I rebelled against authority figures like my father, whose parenting style didn’t suit me. I channelled my rebellious energy toward creative pursuits like painting murals on walls near train lines, so passengers travelling to work could see them. Thankfully, this phase of my life was short-lived and I grew out of it eventually. Upon reflection, this period served as a time to express my creativity, albeit in a nonconventional way. It was years later I was accepted into a Bachelor of Arts program to study Fashion Design at a prominent design school. Think about the periods of your own life where you may have rebelled. Do you look back and see how it now served you?

From my parent’s viewpoint, I was a troubled youth partaking in dangerous and meaningless acts, while I considered it a period of self-expression. Decade’s later here I am writing articles and books and helping people awaken their greatest potential because I dared to tap into my creative abilities. Whilst my story pales into insignificance compared to those who endured more troubling times, it shows how our past needn’t keep us stuck but help advance us. Our wounds show we have danced with life and emerged victorious. Recall Dr. Lickerman’s earlier quote where he invites us to see our troubles through the lens of a survivor instead of a victim? They are a reminder that life is continuously evolving and we mustn’t hang our hats on what transpired but use it as a basis for better things to come.

Life can lead you in different directions and as the narrator and director you get to choose which path to follow. Leading on from my earlier question, how have your experiences shaped your present-day circumstances? Do you consider the past with regret and shame? Whilst this may be normal, if we’re to appreciate the underlying lessons contained within our experiences, we can rewrite the future with a compelling narrative. We needn’t anchor our boats to the past but allow it to sail into the open waters. Just as a boat creates a wake in its trail, it does so behind it not in front, which means our future is open to being written with a clean slate, if we will look upon our wounds with openness and compassion.

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To Find The Answers, You Must Become Your Own Authority Instead Of Looking Outside Of You

When Human Beings Were Gods

“When we have begun to take charge of our lives, to own ourselves, there is no longer any need to ask permission of someone.” — George O’Neil

There’s a tale told by the late Anthony de Mello which underlines the message that truth is found within us and not in someone’s teachings.

To a visitor who asked to become his disciple the Master said, “You may live with me but don’t become my follower.”

“Whom then shall I follow?”

“No one. The day you follow someone you cease to follow truth.”

We must avoid following other people blindly, mainly because everyone is searching for answers of their own. A teacher can take you so far while your inner wisdom has access to absolute intelligence. No one is infallible, by virtue of our human existence we are prone to mistakes, and the enlightened among us are no different. Occasionally, you might come across a quotation in a book or overhear a line in a film that resonates with you. Explore this further and be curious of the underlying message behind it. Has this happened to you before? I experience these occurrences frequently.

Truth reveals itself through self-exploration. Occasionally, the answers we seek appear at inopportune moments. Therefore, we must welcome these insights for they hold significant clues to our life’s journey. I’m reminded of the tale when human beings were gods and abused their wisdom. So God took it away from them and hid it where it could never be found. Where to hide it was the question. God called a council of chief gods to help him decide. “Let’s bury it deep in the earth,” said the chief gods. God responded, “No, that will not do because humans will dig into the earth and find it.”

Then the gods said, “Let’s sink it in the deepest ocean.” Again God responded, “No, not there, for they will learn to dive into the ocean and will find it.”  “Let’s take it to the top of the highest mountain and hide it there.” But once again God replied, “No that will not do, because they will eventually climb every mountain to reclaim their wisdom.” Then the gods gave up and said, “We don’t know where to hide it, because there’s no place on earth or the sea that humans will not reach.” God thought for a long time and replied, “Here’s what we’ll do. We will hide their wisdom deep in the centre of their own being, for humans will never think to look there.” All the gods agreed this was the perfect hiding place, and the deed was done. Since that time humans have roamed the earth: digging, diving, climbing and exploring, searching for something contained within themselves.

Develop Trust In Ourselves

“No one and nothing outside of you can give you salvation, or free you from the misery. You have to light your own lamp. You have to know the miniature universe that you yourself are.” — Banani Ray

Wisdom is available to us and we needn’t look for it in some ancient texts. The key, is to be silent enough so we can tune in to the inner counsel that communicates to us. It was the Buddha who cautioned following other people’s teachings centuries ago when he said: “Do not give up your authority and follow blindly the will of others. This way will lead to only delusion.” We must own our mistakes however painful, for they hold clues to the realisation of the truth.

I appreciate the passage from teacher and author Mary O’Malley in What’s in the Way Is the Way in which she talks about how the truth corresponds to the level of the questions we pose: “Truth walks toward us on the paths of our questions. In other words, when you ask a question without looking for an answer, you create an opening where truth can speak to you.” The greatest adventure we will embark upon is to discover our truth and live it to the best of our ability. I relate it to finding the correct frequency on a radio. We might dial one way and miss the reception entirely, then dial the other way and land on the correct frequency. Can you identify with finding your own truth? Have there been circumstances where your truth conflicted with loved ones, yet you stuck to your guns?

Our life’s passage is a fleeting moment in eternity and what often appears as the wrong turn is often life unfolding as it should. We must be wary of handing over our authority to another since they may disappoint us. This is clear in relationships where one partner delegates their happiness or emotional wellbeing to the other, only to realise they were deceived. If we assign our faith in others, we suffer because few people will live up to our expectations. This kills many a relationship because we believe we are owed something. People will let us down when their truth does not align with ours.

To find the answers, we ought to connect with our inner spirit since it reveals itself through us. If we’re constantly besieged by noise, the voice within us is drowned out. Often, the answers we seek will appear as an inner knowing, intuition or as messages or symbols. We must let go of worry which is not as easy as it sounds. This is because we live in a world overshadowed by news events that occupy our attention. Our brains are alerted to imminent fear because we sympathise with news stories, instead of turning our attention to our inner wisdom.

Similarly, it pays to trust our intuition because in doing so, we will have discovered the keys to life. Author Penney Peirce affirms this idea when she writes: “Common truth signals include tingling or chills, bubbling warmth, leaning toward something, feelings of expansion and energy rising in the body. Perhaps you feel something click into place or “ring” true.” We must trust ourselves more often, which I realise can be difficult at first, however self-trust is the basis to self-fulfilment. Key lessons are normally contained within our life’s events and they should not be interpreted as random happenstance, but used to align ourselves with our noblest truth.

As a final point, to create space for wisdom to reveal itself through us is important by clearing clutter from our life like: unwanted material possessions, disempowering thoughts, harmful relationships and unfulfilled career opportunities. Simplifying life helps us to let go of unnecessary complications and concentrate on what is meaningful to us. As the Master said to the visitor, to follow someone is to deny our own wisdom, contained within your rich supply of knowing.

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