Tony Fahkry's Blog, page 23

Controlling Your Desires Is The Basis For Personal Power, And Its Mastery Is The Payoff

Succumbing To the Egoic Needs

“I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.”—Aristotle

The most significant thing we can do to control our desires is to let go of the attachment we have to them. The Buddha believed desire is the reason for pain and suffering in the world. This is embodied in the endless cycle of wanting and craving that keeps us trapped. Similarly, the British philosophical writer James Allen once wrote: “Desire is as insatiable as the ocean, and clamours louder and louder as its demands are attended to.” He touched on something relevant: the more we feed our desires the more they grow in intensity. Consider this in your own life. Do you have a desire to be in a relationship, lose weight, get promoted at work or qualify for a certain position? These are reasonable desires and if not met, we become disappointed, angry and even depressed.

But how is it possible to be free of desires in the modern world? Everywhere we turn we are flooded with marketing and advertising selling us a way of life that is out of reach for many. It is thrust into our faces without our consent. We are like infants waiting for our next feed, sobbing until we get what we need. And yet, we are certain if we get what we want, we will be fulfilled. Though, it is not always the way. Can you identify with this? Have you often thought being in a relationship will make you happy, yet it turned out to be contrary to your expectation? I’m not suggesting relationships are not fulfilling, however if we don’t understand our true desires, we are unlikely to be happy when we receive what we want. I enjoy the tale told by the Buddha where a man asked him: “I want happiness.” The Buddha replies: “First remove “I,” that’s Ego, then remove “want,” that’s Desire. See now, you are left with only “Happiness.” He was identifying how the ego strives for more and we fall into its trap because we succumb to its needs.

So how can we overcome the trappings of desire whilst holding on to our humanity? The key is not to resist temptation but acknowledge it as part of our human nature. It is well known what we resist, persists. Whereas acceptance leads to personal power because we understand the motives underlying our desires. Acceptance helps us understand the natural process of desire, so we can work with it. Wanting and craving is not the source of our problem, it is not receiving what we expect that causes pain and suffering. Does this idea make sense to you: where not getting what you want may sometimes be a blessing? The answer lies in self-enquiry so we recognise what is at the heart of our desires. For example, are we trying to hide behind our childhood wounds? Or are we running away from our core emotions that require healing and integration?

Turn Towards Your Thoughts and Feelings and Be With Them

“Self-control is strength. Right thought is mastery. Calmness is power.”—James Allen

We must understand our urges so we are not dictated by them. This requires noticing and accepting our thoughts and feelings since this is the gateway to inner knowing and self-awareness. Knowing comes from self-observation without judgement. Sometimes it may mean we are angry, sad, depressed or even overwhelmed with grief or anxiety. Most people run away from these emotions via activities that dull or anaesthetise their emotions. Can you see how running away from your emotions intensifies them so they come barrelling down a cliff later on? We must stop and turn towards our thoughts and feelings and be with them compassionately. We mustn’t stow them away, but observe them as we would a child throwing a tantrum. Once the outburst is over, we can hold the child in our arms and comfort them knowing they are in need of love. And so it is with ourselves.

Any time we experience negative emotions, our core-self is inviting us to practice self-compassion and self-love. We ought to be more mindful and less judgemental of ourselves when we experience such emotions. When the experience has passed, we can look objectively at our thoughts and feelings with openness and empathy. It is through this lens of self-enquiry that we come to understand them better and respond appropriately. Considering this, reflect on your desires and note three on paper or your phone etc., whether they are associated with a relationship, career, finances, health or otherwise. Beneath, write what you hope to achieve by having your desires met? Will you be more happy, fulfilled or content? Keep asking WHY do I want these things? If an answer doesn’t appear at the time of writing, allow yourself some space and keep coming back to it over the coming days and weeks. Undoubtedly, once we accept our desires, we begin the exploration into ourselves which is the foundation of our personal power and self-mastery.

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Why Magic Happens When You Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone

Why Its Never Smooth Sailing

“Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.” — Brian Tracy

When we take responsibility for our life, serendipitous events unfold and lead us to awaken our inherent wisdom. At this level we must be willing to step out of our comfort zone and meet life with passion and fervour. Here’s an all too common scenario that plays out in people’s lives, illustrating how settling sometimes can lead to apathy and comfort. Life hands us lemons — well at least that’s what we suspect from where we stand. We may be sick and tired of being in rut. Feeling uninspired, emotionally drained and lacking direction. We mustn’t despair since we may simply be experiencing an internal shift. From time to time, we may suffer periods of uncertainty, which on the surface appears as though our world is sinking. We might feel helpless and unable to navigate our journey ahead. Though we can’t quite put our finger on it, something isn’t quite right — we know that part at least. Life seems harder and requires more effort than usual. Everything is a chore. We feel emotional turbulence at the slightest episode when things don’t go according to plan. Can you relate to feeling this way on previous occasions? Rest assured life isn’t always smooth sailing. Seeking refuge in that statement liberates us from having to push against the forces of life. Like any journey, the intention to reach one’s destination is typically heralded by a goal or a plan, though we may not anticipate the rough waters ahead. That is, we might have to sail our boat in uncharted waters to reach our final destination. Life’s journey is filled with countless lessons, which many fail to concede when embroiled in their drama.

Why Change Can Be Debilitating

“Get out of that comfortable rut.” ― Denis Waitley, The Psychology of Winning

In Paulo Coelho’s acclaimed book The Alchemist, the young shepherd boy Santiago undertakes a quest around to traverse the world in order to find treasure and his personal legend. Ultimately as he draws to the end of his journey, he discovers his treasure was right where he started. He recognises his trek across the world filled him with wisdom and a great deal of knowledge owing to the people he meets along the way. His journey had not been a waste of time, for he has gained much from his experience in search of his treasure. I wish to remind you that contained within every effort, every step, and every so called failure draws you closer to your treasure — your pot of gold. Nothing is wasted. No effort has been in vain. There is a rhythm and timing to the universe we must abide with if we wish to realise our potential. With that in mind stepping out of our comfort zone may be paralysing to some, since there is a level of anxiety associated with uncertainty. We become accustomed to the familiar that to rock the boat, destabilises our equilibrium. It was the spiritual author Neale Donald Walsch of the acclaimed spiritual book series, Conversations With God who reminds us: “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”

Dealing with uncertainty and change can be debilitating in terms of our imposed stress, yet seemingly to live a compelling future requires stepping out of the familiar to reach new horizons. Remember, it is our response to life which is paramount to the level of personal growth we undertake. Most people thrive in ideal situations, although this does not test one’s character. Our response to life’s uncertainties determines our level of inner growth, especially when the tides are against us. For example, entrepreneurs require confidence to never give up on their plan or vision, since the economic forces are constantly against them. There must be an inherent self-belief, an unyielding motivation and a desire to prevail. Considering this, I encourage you to adopt a similar quality in your pursuit to step out of your comfort zone. Do not rest on your laurels since it is easy — remember, easy is not where the fruit of your success lies. You must be willing to take risks, whether big or small and gradually move in the direction of your dreams. Moreover, I invite you to think big and act big, to gain the greater rewards in life. Are you comfortable putting this advice to practice in your life? I trust you are because sometimes the small step towards your goals can lead to giant strides of momentum.

Success Leaves Clues

“As you move outside of your comfort zone, what was once the unknown and frightening becomes your new normal.” — Robin S. Sharma

It was author David J. Schwartz who wrote the bestselling book The Magic of Thinking Big. In the book he reminds us of the power of our beliefs as a measure of pursuing our dreams with a powerful intensity: “Those who believe they can move mountains, do. Those who believe they can’t, cannot. Belief triggers the power to do.” Familiarity keeps us safe and oftentimes stuck and stagnant. Most people are quite content to sail through life impervious to their potential. They rather not take risks in the event life does not emerge as they hope for. Subsequently, their self-esteem takes a hit and they perceive themselves as failures. Yet failure and self-esteem are not inextricably linked. You are not a failure because your goals fail to materialise the way you hoped for. You may have been unsuccessful in reaching your goal, although you may be drawing closer to success each time, yet unaware of it. The American motivational author and speaker Tony Robbins once said: “Success leaves clues.”

Stepping of our comfort requires us to extend our personal boundaries in order to create a fulfilling life. Those successful people whom we look up to, have pushed past their comfort zone in order to reach their current level of mastery. They broke through many a glass ceiling to create a new way of life and similarly paved the way for others to follow. That is the inviting aspect of pushing past our comfort zone — we serve as a guidepost for others to follow, by breaking ground in our pursuit. Yet as alluring as it might seem to push through our comfort zone, we do not want to make it a constant quest. Integrating our experiences becomes paramount, since it is defined by our learning and inner growth, which becomes the focal point of pushing past our comfort level. With that in mind, reflect on a current goal, project or dream you’re pursuing. Write down three actions you should be taking to venture out of your comfort zone? Don’t get hung up on the hows for now, merely give your attention to the action required. Are you willing to stretch yourself a little each time to get closer to your goal? Are you willing to get uncomfortable for a while as you venture into endless possibilities? Your response will dictate whether you take inspired action or lament a missed opportunity: choose wisely my friend!

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The Quality Of Your Life Proceeds From What You Hold In Your Heart And Mind

Foster A True Connection With Yourself

“Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it.” — Buddha

Take your hand and place it on your heart. What do you feel? Some would say nothing while others can attune to the energy in that area because the heart has a subtle energy. We are used to processing thoughts and rarely take the time to perceive the quiet stirring of our heart. It is said, the heart is the seat of the soul with a language of its own, not perceived through thought. For example, are you aware of the feelings that emanate from your heart? Do you take the time to focus your attention on this part of your body or do you find yourself seized by thoughts? People often ask: what is the point of connecting with our heart when we make sense of the world via thought? Whilst it may be true, there are other faculties not accessible by the mind such as intuition and love. We don’t fall in love using our mind but our hearts. Considering this, what is your predominant outlook on life? Do you believe life is scary and you’ve got to have your wits about you? Or do you have an optimistic outlook? Maybe you want to develop a deeper connection through your relationships or find love through a like-minded partner? Whatever it may be, there are traditions that espouse connecting only with our heart since they believe the mind cannot be trusted. However I believe we can do both within a sacred union of harmony.

The heart emits one of the strongest electromagnetic fields of our organs; it can extend out in all directions up to 2 metres outside the body. Research by the Institute of HeartMath shows this emotional information is encoded in our energetic field. We are wired to connect to others and our environment. If we wish to improve the quality of our life, we must learn to understand The Language Of The Heart. We ought to listen more, which is difficult to do because our world is constantly trying to get our attention. We are distracted by mobile phone devices and find it difficult to engage in conversations without looking at our phone. This comes at a cost of creating a divide between our desires and our core self. What is your impression of this? Do you find it difficult to sit alone in silence? Perhaps you find it hard to disconnect from your mobile phone because of the fear of missing out? Whatever it is, we cannot live this way without doing anything about it. Distractions do little to foster a true connection with ourselves.

Understanding Who You Really Are

“There is no satisfaction that can compare with looking back across the years and finding you’ve grown in self-control, judgment, generosity, and unselfishness.” — Ella Wheeler Wilcox

We should carve out time to discover what is taking place within us. Otherwise, we’re likely to succumb to the forces of life which keep us from realising our true nature. I love this quote by the author and creative director Ian Thomas who wrote: “And every day, the world will drag you by the hand, yelling, “This is important! And this is important! And this is important! You need to worry about this! And this! And this!” And each day, it’s up to you to yank your hand back, put it on your heart and say, “No. This is what’s important.” The passage captures our discontent since we allow life to pull us in every direction, except the one we want. It is important to carve out time to be with ourselves, so we may understand who we really are. It is in knowing our true self we find the deepest well of happiness and understanding. We are likely to create meaningful connections with people and discover our true purpose when we spend time with ourselves.

Are you comfortable with this idea of being less distracted to understand yourself better? I know it’s difficult and why many people don’t try. I’ve observed this frequently while coaching clients who ask for my advice on finding their purpose. My guidance is mostly the same and revolves around journaling and knowing what they really want. Many are reluctant to do the work because they are looking for a quick fix to their problems. They look to others to tell them what to do and point them in the right direction. No one can do that for us because it requires taking the journey into ourselves to connect with our heart and mind. Considering this, I’d like you to spend 5 to 10 minutes once or twice a week (to begin with) journaling how you feel. Write down what is going on in your life from an emotional perspective. What are your challenges right now? What do you wish to improve? What do you want out of life? Once we find the answers to these questions, we can begin to walk in the right direction towards our hopes, our dreams and highest aspirations. In doing so, life will greet us with the same commitment to what is held in our hearts and mind.

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4 Essential Ways To Simplify Your Life Right Now

Happiness Requires The Least Effort

“Truth is ever to be found in the simplicity, and not in the multiplicity and confusion of things.” — Isaac Newton

In this period of information overload, there’s never been a better time to simplify life. The struggle of modern existence can lead to inner turmoil if we’re unaware. The key to an inspired life is to simplify it. To gain clarity on what’s important, we ought to let go of unnecessary conditions and direct our attention to what we value most. Most people chase material possessions believing they’ll be happy, only to realise it makes matters worse. The more clutter in our life, the less capable we are of knowing what’s important to us. Naturally, we react instead of pursuing what is essential. Does this make sense to you? Can you see how chasing, longing and wanting are the ego’s way of craving more? When it gets more, it desires even more because it believes it will be happier or fulfilled. I liken it to eating a carbohydrate-rich diet. No sooner than we have finished a meal, we are hungry again an hour later. In contrast, if you have followed a low-carb or ketogenic diet, you realise how full and satiated you feel hours after the meal. What I’m trying to say is, we need to switch from consuming to appreciating since the former is grounded in wanting more.

Health, relationships, family and living my purpose are central aspects to my life nowadays. It’s taken an entire lifetime to reach this point, yet it has been worth the struggle. That which brings us joy and happiness requires the least effort. It is why I’m drawn to the quote by Henry David Thoreau who once said: “As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness.” The following are points to follow if you wish to simplify your life. It requires patience and persistence for something of value to yield results. Akin to a plant, the initial stages begin with the seed sprouting beneath the soil, invisible to the naked eye. Yet, with nurturing and time, it grows into a healthy plant and so too with your habits

1. Surround Yourself With Extraordinary People

These include: friends, family, romantic partners, co-workers and those who offer you support and encouragement. Significant people are those who encourage your personal growth. They are your humble ambassadors in time of need and won’t abandon you in a crisis. Being in the company of such people leads to simplified living because your inner needs are met through close connections. Great people inspire and strengthen you, not drain your energy. In contrast, energy vampires rob you of your vital force. They want to gain something and are unwilling to offer anything in return. Steer away from them, since they will deprive you of your long term happiness.

2. Let Go Of What No Longer Serves You

Letting go of what no longer serves us is essential to simplifying life because we free ourselves from what consumes our energy. This includes: people, things, places, relationships, behaviours or habits. If it doesn’t bring you joy, remove it from your life or distance yourself from it. However, don’t fill the void with something else, allow it time to recede so you have less to focus on. In doing so, you free up mental and emotional resources for more important matters. Create a space for something wonderful to appear and trust it will take its place.

3. Focus On Experiences, Not Things

People believe happiness comes from gaining material possessions. Sure, it might offer happiness for a short while, although once it wears off we yearn for something more. Newspapers are filled with stories of people who inherited millions of dollars, only to find themselves more miserable than before. This is not because of money per se, rather the stress associated with managing large sums of money. Accumulating material objects amplifies insecurities already present in a person. We ought to focus on experiences and surrounding ourselves with friends and loved ones. Travel more, perform random acts of kindness, do charity work if that appeals to you. The key is to find fulfilling experiences that embody who you are. Don’t you find it interesting that you are more likely to remember a delightful holiday years later but forget about a purchase of a new item within months? You might even lament buying the expensive item by that point.

“Reduce the complexity of life by eliminating the needless wants of life, and the labors of life reduce themselves.” — Edwin Way Teale

4. Be In Tune With Your Nature

When you’re in tune with your nature, you connect to your source. I’m not referring to religion or spirituality, yet something greater. You are the expression of universal intelligence. Everything from your thoughts to your body reflects the infinite powers of this creative intelligence. Stay connected to your source and you’ll feel the aliveness of the universe permeate through you.

How do you stay in tune with your nature? Here are steps to consider:

Be kind and compassionate to yourself and others
Think empowering thoughts
Live a healthy life
Eat whole foods close to its original state
Balance your giving and receiving
Create fulfilling relationships
Be of value in your community
Respect Mother Nature
Be of service to others
Be at peace with yourself
Think globally, act locally

We are conscious creators of our destiny. We must be willing to upgrade our model of reality and remove preconceived ideas about how life should play out since these concepts keep us trapped in the past. Simplifying life brings immense joy because we need little to make us happy. Economic studies in Australia suggest households on a combined income of $40k per annum are no happier at this threshold. In the US, the figure is $75k, which confirms we needn’t accumulate vast amounts of wealth to be happy. Life is more intelligent than we give it credit for. We are provided with the inner wisdom to make sense of our lives, yet we’re controlled by our impulses instead of focusing on what’s meaningful. We mustn’t succumb to the out-there model that suggests our inner needs originate from outside circumstances. Considering this, make a vow to simplify your life instead of focussing on what will make you happy outside of you.

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You Can Oppose What You’re Experiencing or Create a Better Outcome

Create Space Between Your Problems And Your Thoughts

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” — Lao Tzu

What is troubling you in your life right now? Has it been occupying your time and energy? Sometimes, no sooner than we have dealt with an issue, another one emerges and we wonder when it will ever end. What is going on that we keep experiencing problems and resistance? Are they real problems or an opportunity to heal aspects of our life that need attention? I realise these questions may be difficult to answer in the short space of this article, however if we don’t make time to examine our lives, we’re likely to be drawn into the chaos and drama. There are many reasons problems occur. Some of them relate to childhood wounds, while other times problems arise because of other people’s actions imposed upon us. Whether it is intrinsic or extrinsic forces, problems force us to pay attention to what is taking place within us.

Do you believe challenges occur for no clear reason or because there are greater lessons embedded in the experience? Your answer will dictate whether you stay mired in your problems or see them as vital clues to your life’s purpose. Often, our first impressions are not truthful because we’re responding to the chaos instead of what needs to be attended to. Have you noticed this before? For example, I’ve observed this theme in my life and now wait for a clearer picture to unfold before overreacting. Most times, what I believed was a problem turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Can you relate to this with a recent experience? What we’re responding to is what psychologists call catastrophising, depicted in our response when we receive a speeding ticket. However, if we step back from the drama, we might realise we were rushing about our lives and need to slow down to the speed of life.

What we need is to create space between our problems and our thoughts. It’s hard to distance ourselves because fear and other disempowering emotions have a way of convincing us things are worse off than they seem. As you know, this is one way of looking at it but it is not what is taking place. It might be helpful to consult with those you trust such as loved ones and ask for an unbiased perspective. It’s easy to get caught up in our problems and soon enough we’re seized by it, without solving it. Nowadays, when problems emerge, I will consult a few close friends whom I trust with their opinion. I reflect upon their advice and allow myself some space to consider the problem from a different perspective. This allows me to engage my creative brain to find a perfect solution when I least expect it.

Take Consistent Action, Even The Smallest One

“It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that things are difficult.” — Seneca

Have you experienced this: where you forgot about a pressing issue and while taking a shower or during a walk, the perfect solution emerged? This is testament that opposing our problems seldom yields a solution. This is because opposing and reacting to something limits our potential to solve the problem. We perceive it through one lens instead of a multitude of possibilities. There are infinite possibilities to solve your problems and I know you may find it hard to believe, especially when the problem is consuming you. Distancing yourself from it will help you gain a greater perspective of what action you need to take. Are you feeling better about this? Can you see how when problems arise we may not need to take any action unless it is warranted? Perhaps the issue relates to our own thinking and we must clear out our thoughts before attending to the problem itself. Consider the advice of author and Jungian analyst James Hollis who writes in What Matters Most: Living a More Considered Life: “Ask yourself of every dilemma, every choice, every relationship, every commitment, or every failure to commit, “Does this choice diminish me, or enlarge me?” That is, are your choices empowering you or contracting you?

Finally, we ought to focus on small improvements when faced with problems since this is the gateway to greater solutions. For example, you may find you gained weight over the Christmas holidays and find it difficult to get back to your routine of healthy eating and exercise. Subsequently, the more you focus on it, the angrier you become. What if you made the tiniest of improvements every day such as walking around the block or eating half a candy bar instead of a full one? What I’m alluding to, is that taking consistent action, however small, creates waves of momentum to overcome our inertia. Considering this, reflect on the problem I asked you about earlier and come up with three strategies to tackle it. Don’t think big, think small. What is the smallest action you can take every day to solve it? Once you’ve come up with three solutions, choose one you can commit to and begin it at once. Doing something small can help us feel better than trying to find a grand solution that may take weeks or months. After all, if we continue to resist our problems, we leave little room for an improved outcome, when all along it may have been staring us in the face.

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Even During The Most Difficult Moments In Life, You Still Have A Choice

You Will Be Shown The Way When You Stop Resisting

“I believe that we are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the consequences of every deed, word, and thought throughout our lifetime.” — Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Even throughout the darkest periods of our life, we still have choices. Whilst it may not seem this way, it is because we become trapped in our pain and suffering and don’t realise the way out. Knowing this, I’d like you to reflect on a recent difficulty in your life. Perhaps it was last year? Think back to the lessons gained from the experience. Yes, it may be challenging to find a lesson, but I assure you it is there. For example, a young family friend who I’ve known for decades passed away from a lifelong illness late last year. Although the loss was difficult, I’ve come to reflect more on the good times we had together rather than focus on the loss. I endured other setbacks around the same time which left me deflated and uninspired, yet I kept looking for the greater lessons contained within those difficulties.

Can you relate to this? Sometimes the forces of life conspire against us, yet it is precisely what we need for our personal growth. Pain is a part of life and to run away from it intensifies our suffering. Pain forces us to grow and helps us decide what is important to us. We ought to devote energy to what brings us joy and happiness whilst finding meaning and value in those pursuits. It is said not everything is meant to be in our life and knowing what to let go of and hold on to is the challenge we face. In the same way, we spend the first half of our life accumulating thoughts and ideas and spend the second half of life letting go of these things. In view of this, are you devoting time and energy to things that make you happy or clutching to familiarity hoping it will give you what you need? It requires examining ourselves to see where we are squandering our energy. It may not be easy picking apart our life but it will be worthwhile.

Similarly, growth takes place through experience. We grow through difficult moments not when we’re in our comfort zone. We may experience a strong gust of wind that rattles our sails in order to experience resiliency. However, we always have a choice. We can stay mired in our difficulties or endure what is taking place knowing respite lies around the corner. This is when we mustn’t lose faith when seized in battle. I know it’s difficult particularly when hardship is knocking on our door. I’ve endured many challenges throughout my life and yelled out to the universe to throw me a lifeline. Sometimes I feel ignored and alone. Yet, underneath the silence the universe invites me to go within to find the wisdom I need. I am being guided to find the answers contained within me. Through your challenges you will be shown the way once you stop resisting and look for the lessons within the experience.

Grounded In Your Present Moment Experience

“It is not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.” — Roy Disney

How do you feel about this? Can you see when answers don’t arise you are called to go to the source within you? It requires mining for answers in moments of silence. Often, there’s nothing to do other than endure the darkness and allow it to move through us. This is when we must embrace the present moment and be open to where life is leading us. We mustn’t fear the future but bring our attention back to the present moment where everything we need is contained right now. Difficult moments anchor us to the present moment. We needn’t fix or mend anything because the future will take care of itself when we attend to the pockets of moments interwoven throughout our life. It is what author Mary O’Malley refers to when she writes in What’s In The Way Is The Way: A Practical Guide For Waking Up To Life: “Imagine a life where you trust Life implicitly. Every morning you wake up with a sense of adventure. Your belly is soft, your mind is curious, and your heart is open. Rather than struggling with Life, you open to it, even when you are facing deep challenges. If you find yourself caught in reaction, you give your reaction the attention it needs to let go.”

Being grounded in our now experience offers us the gift of serving our needs as they arise. When difficulties occur, there’s a tendency to focus on what is missing or what is going wrong. Can you see this is one way of looking at your life? Are you realising this is not what you signed up for? I liken it to a train passing through a railway station, stopping momentarily to pick up passengers before moving on. Difficulties come and go from our life and if we embrace the lessons, we gain the universal understanding for our highest good. Considering this, reflect on the difficulties I asked you about earlier. As a practice, write three lessons you gained from the experiences. You may also want to write what you didn’t like about the experiences and compare whether the lessons outweighed the challenges. I mentioned earlier how there’s always something to be grateful for. It’s difficult to see when we’re mired in our suffering. Yet, hindsight allows us to look back on our challenges with an open mind and a compassionate heart, knowing whatever we experienced endowed us with choices we never thought we had.

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How To Believe In The Power Of Infinite Possibilities

Life Can Change When We Least Expect It

“As you become comfortable with uncertainty, infinite possibilities open up in your life. It means fear is no longer a dominant factor in what you do and no longer prevents you from taking action to initiate change.”—Eckhart Tolle

Warning! This article may not appeal to you if you are not open to entertaining the likelihood of infinite possibilities. You may even find evidence why the universe is based on science, and mathematics to disprove infinite possibilities. I don’t intend to persuade you into believing my point of view, for that is the least of my intentions. I hope you will come to see that infinite possibilities are conceivable and life is anything but fixed. Before we go on, I want you to reflect on moments throughout your life when a situation occurred beyond the realm of normal. Perhaps it was a chance encounter of a love interest you reunited with after decades, or you were one of a thousand applicants for a job interview and were offered the position, despite interviewing poorly for the job. Whatever it was, recall the experience as best you can and see if you can get a sense of how you felt at the time.

There are numerous examples that prove infinite possibilities existed throughout history. To mention them here means reciting what hundreds of other articles have already written. So it begs the question: what does infinite possibilities mean to you? Where does it begin and end? For example, is it in the realm of miraculous healings or otherworldly events? Infinite possibilities for me is associated with a mindset that anything can happen within the fabric of reality. I have experienced moments over the years which helped me realise that sometimes life can change when we least expect it. Perhaps you’ve witnessed this yourself, whether it was an event that worked in your favour or otherwise? One example that took place two decades ago related to my father who was ill at the time and given a diagnosis by his doctors he wouldn’t survive until the end of the week. He not only survived but lived another five years. It was then I realised mankind has limited knowledge of what is possible within the scope of a greater intelligence. I’m not sure what you call this intelligence, if you call it anything at all. I prefer to call it God, co-creating the circumstances of my life within the container of free will. It is important we abide by our beliefs but also be willing to upgrade them when or if new information becomes available.

Keep An Open Mind And Don’t Hold Firm To Fixed Ideas

“The universe is an infinite opportunity creation machine. In every instant, the possibility of greater possibility is programmed into the nature of things. Love creates the conduit through which new possibility enters our experience, and lovelessness keeps it at bay.”—Marianne Williamson

Some say infinite possibilities is nothing more than coincidence, providence, luck or chance. I recognise it as a state of mind more than an event or experience. Therefore, we needn’t believe in them but keep an open mind and look for evidence when they arise. I don’t know about you but I’m inclined to be impartial about endless possibilities existing than remain close-minded because my belief system does not agree with it. I would rather change my mind when new information comes to light that disproves my earlier beliefs. I think this is important because we mustn’t hold firmly to a belief system just because it has been the case for our entire life. We ought to upgrade our beliefs and perception of reality as new information comes to hand. What are your thoughts on this? Are you open to new information or do you hold on to fixed beliefs because you don’t want to be wrong? I think the key is to be mindful of what we believe or not believe while recognising that our earlier beliefs may be incomplete.

As an example of this, I was recently reading about the South African scientist, Prof Tim Noakes, who for decades espoused the high-carbohydrate diet. It wasn’t until he was diagnosed with type II diabetes he publicly stated that his understanding of nutrition was incomplete and thus he adopted a low carbohydrate/ketogenic style diet. Irrespective of what you think about Prof Noakes, it took a great deal of courage to declare he was wrong and change his stance because he had a lot to lose by way of credibility. I highlight Prof Noakes as one example of somebody willing to keep an open mind and not hold firm to fixed ideas. We ought to accept that anything is possible even that which was impossible in the past. This relates to our health, finances, relationships, career, etc. We should entertain the possibility that sometimes life can weave its magic and a situation can resolve itself or improve beyond our understanding. Because when we believe in infinite possibilities, we are open to the notion that life works through us on a higher dimension. Knowing this, I invite you to think back on the experiences I asked you to recall earlier. Write three lessons you gained from the experiences and how they shaped your life. Could you have foreseen these events in hindsight? If not, could you entertain the notion that a greater universal intelligence may function within the backdrop of your life? You see, being open to infinite possibilities means to accept life exactly as it is without preconceived ideas. This my friends, proves the universe is a mysterious entity because as Deepak Chopra once said: “Be comfortable with and embrace paradox, contradiction and ambiguity. For uncertainty is the womb of creativity.”

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The Goals You Set Are Not Promises But Commitments Towards Achievement

We Ought To Remain Open To Where Life Is Leading Us

“The real value of setting goals is not the recognition or reward, it’s the person we become by finding the discipline, courage, and commitment to achieve them.”—Anonymous

There are no assurances of accomplishing our goals since they’re not promises but a commitment towards achieving them. How does this idea appeal to you? You may well achieve your goals, however if you’re unaware of your motives, it will have little bearing on your long-term happiness. As you know, setting goals is easy but staying committed to them when the going gets tough is another story. No doubt goal attainment is important to you, though success is seldom assured because circumstances change which may cause our goals to shift.

Can you identify with this where a goal you set changed along the way? I’ve coached countless individuals regarding their goals. To my knowledge, once they embarked upon the goal, the path to achieving it changed. It’s not that the goal lost its power, rather they developed a greater insight on what they wanted to achieve along the way. Allow me to illustrate via personal example. Long ago when I started out, I aspired to be an internationally renowned speaker traveling the world giving keynote speeches. I had undertaken speaker training with various coaches and was speaking regularly to corporate companies and running public seminars and workshops. However, there came a point where I no longer felt as passionate about speaking as I once did. Instead I turned to writing more which had a greater impact on my message. I hired writing coaches and mentors to improve my writing and the more I ventured down this path, the more passionate I became. I published three books with internationally acclaimed authors writing the forewords. My point is, the process of achieving our goals will change and we ought to remain open to where life is leading us.

Can you identify with this story in your own life? Have you set out to achieve a goal and have it change along the way? If you accomplished it, was it better than your original goal? It’s often said achieving our goals isn’t as rewarding as the person we become. I can attest to the personal growth I experienced over the years and the lessons that pushed me out of my comfort zone and developed my strength of character. Setbacks and defeat have shaped my outlook, though there were times I considered giving up because I lost all hope. There was no money coming in and clients were cancelling, yet I remained committed because I believed in what I was doing. I wrote in an article recently titled, Never Give Up Because If You Do What Is Easy, Your Life Will Be Hard in which I state: “We mustn’t give up because we don’t know how far we will go when we rise above our challenges and obstacles.” Meaning: we don’t know what we’re capable of achieving when pursuing a goal, irrespective of how difficult it may be. In those times, our greatest growth will occur because we realise things aren’t as bad as they seem.

Who We Become Because Of Our Actions

“To embark on the journey towards your goals and dreams requires bravery. To remain on that path requires courage. The bridge that merges the two is commitment.”—Steve Maraboli

No doubt you have your own stories about uncertainty and giving up on a goal, career or project. What makes the story more compelling is the narrative that follows. For example, did you give up or find a way through it? It isn’t so much about quitting or pushing ahead, but who we become because of our actions. The choices we make today either create a compelling future or one filled with regret and disappointment. Often, easy choices lead to a difficult tomorrow. That’s why goals help us become clear on who we wish to become. The greater the goal, the more difficult it is to achieve and the greater your personal growth. Therefore we must examine our motives for pursuing our goals when we embark upon them. Furthermore, who we become when we accomplish our goals is something we ought to give our attention to. It’s why I am drawn to the advice echoed by authors Brad Stulberg and Steve Magness who write in Peak Performance: Elevate Your Game, Avoid Burnout, and Thrive with the New Science of Success: “There is nothing more gratifying or fulfilling than setting a goal on the outer boundaries of what we think is possible, and then systematically pursuing it. In a paradoxical twist, we are often at our best when we wholly immerse ourselves in the process of getting better.”

Considering this, I’d like you to reflect on your current goals. Irrespective of where you are, spend time answering the following questions: Why is this goal important? What will achieving this goal bring to my life? Who will I become because of it? Does this goal improve my life and the lives of others? It is when we are intentional and purposeful about our vision that we are likely to achieve our goals and not lose enthusiasm along the way. It is what the British-American author and motivational speaker Simon Sinek identifies in his Golden Circle principle as understanding our WHY? If we want our goals to be a commitment towards achievements, we must do everything in our power to get clear on the goal, so as not to weaken its accomplishment.

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Nothing Happens In Our World That We Don’t Permit Deep Within Our Consciousness

Your Thoughts Contribute To Your Circumstances

“Remember that your perception of the world is a reflection of your state of consciousness.”—Eckhart Tolle

Look around you, are you happy with your current conditions? Are you content with your health, relationships, career, finances and general purpose in life? I realise these are difficult questions to answer since they require an honest look into ourselves. However, if we don’t take the time to examine what we’re creating in our life, we’re bound to get swept up by our unconscious desires. Everything out there in our world is shaped by our consciousness and awareness. This is empowering for several reasons least of which means, if we don’t like what appears in our life, we can change our thoughts to create new circumstances.

For example, have you experienced an unexpected situation that pushed you out of your comfort zone, whether it was the sudden breakup of a relationship or getting looked over for a job promotion? Whatever the case, you may have felt victimised and believed life was conspiring against you. Yet, how can life be against us when we embody life itself? Why would life want to hurt us? Is life evil or external to us? Moreover, why would the same intelligence that created us want to inflict pain and suffering? These questions allow me to understand that life isn’t against us as much as we are against ourselves. Perhaps it is our thoughts that contribute to our circumstances? When unforeseen conditions show up, instead of being frustrated or angry, we ought to get curious on what contributed it. Where in our past did we allow our present-day circumstances to be as they are? I’ve repeated this Hermetic aphorism often because it captures the essence of the man’s ability to create their own reality: “As within so without.” What we think and feel at the deepest level of our consciousness is bound to show up in our reality whether we like it or not.

Develop A Better Filter In Which To Perceive Your Reality

“In our consciousness, there are many negative seeds and also many positive seeds. The practice is to avoid watering the negative seeds, and to identify and water the positive seeds every day.”—Thich Nhat Hanh

Our consciousness is the home for all our thoughts. It houses everything we ever felt, believed or experienced about the world. It is the accumulation of our childhood memories, disappointments and joys. As adults, our experiences are referenced by our consciousness and storehouse of memories, imprinted onto the canvas of our mind. Just like a supercomputer that works out innumerable calculations, our mind does the same to decide whether our current experience corresponds with what we know to be true. Here, truth means a reference to past experience and not necessarily The Truth. This means, you may have had a negative experience in the past which your consciousness identifies as your truth. If it appears again, your consciousness is familiar with it because it does not have the direct experience of good or bad until your conscious mind adds meaning to it.

Are you comfortable with this idea that life happens at the level of your consciousness? You must, because what we believe is true will show up in our life, for the reason that thoughts become things and what we think about we bring about. It is why healing can be a long and exhausting process that may take years if not decades. Healing requires peeling back the layers of conditioning to shift to a higher level of consciousness. We cannot rush the process any more than asking a 10 month-old child to sprint when it is still learning to walk. The child will develop the ability to run at their own pace and no two children are alike. The same experience presents itself throughout our consciousness, so when we are ready we develop an enhanced filter in which to perceive our reality. It is why we may often look back on the past and wonder why we felt a certain way about an experience, such as the breakup of a relationship. The heartache may have been too much to bear, yet a decade later our recollection of the experience has faded. Have you experienced these moments throughout your life, whether related to a relationship, a career or a different situation?

It was Albert Einstein who once said: “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” I value the simplicity and yet complexity of the quote because consciousness is everything. My level of mind ten years ago is not the same mind writing these words on this page today. I have learned new things, gained new experiences and transcended limitations, and so will you. Considering this, I want you to take a deep look into your current reality by undertaking the following exercise. Divide your life into seven categories and label them as: 1. Life View, 2. Relationships, 3. Health & Well-Being, 4. Finances, 5. Career, 6. Attitudes & Beliefs and 7. Emotions. Under each category write down what is taking place in your present day experience and score it 0 to 10. Zero indicating undesirable and 10 indicating highly desirable. The exercise should take you only 10 minutes to complete but will give you a portrait into your current level of consciousness. Try the exercise every six months. In the long run, if we want to change the future, we must be aware of what is going on beneath the surface of our mind. Unfortunately, our thoughts and beliefs cannot be seen until they show up in our reality. I assure you, the more consciously aware you are of your thoughts, the greater your ability to create a deeply enriching world, given your awakened consciousness.

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The Secret Is To Live In This World But Never Let The World Live In Us

Place Your Attention On What Is Good In The World

“There is in this world no such force as the force of a person determined to rise. The human soul cannot be permanently chained. — W. E. B. Dubois

The world will break you if you let it because life’s conditions can be difficult and without a strong conviction, we succumb to the ravages of life. The world has always been unforgiving and none more so in modern times. In fact, things are better since there is less war and social unrest nowadays. However, there are other growing problems such as: climate change, inequality, poverty, religious conflicts and lack of economic opportunities to list a few. Nevertheless, the world is a more inhabitable place, yet we are still under the influence of unforgiving conditions. What is your impression? Do you think the world is a hostile place or that conditions are mostly favourable?

Undoubtedly, there will always be problems whether it be the threat of disease, war or environmental issues. Problems drive mankind to create a more habitable planet. I’m not convinced about cataclysmic events and the destruction of the world. Whilst I don’t have supernatural abilities to perceive the future, life is too intelligent to allow us to destroy it. I believe humans will be wiped out well before they destroy the planet. We mustn’t allow the world to live in us otherwise we are dictated by what is unpleasant. For example, everywhere we look these days, we are being sold a way of life. We are inundated with advertising that sell us products we don’t need, claiming we will be better with their products or services. Suggestion is everywhere: via social media, the movies we watch and our friends.

Are you aware of this? Perhaps via the people you associate with or the products and services you buy? Whatever the case, it is easy to be moulded by our environment and before long we find ourselves in a place not of our choosing. The key to our happiness lies in living in the world without capitulating to undesirable circumstances. Sometimes, it is forced onto us when we turn on the news or buy into a narrative about crime, hate or social unrest. Every time we empathise with those persecuted, we allow fear to permeate our consciousness. Let me be clear: this doesn’t mean we should be desensitised or insensitive to the plight of those suffering. This would be irresponsible of us as moral citizens. Rather, we ought to place our attention on what is good in the world and make it our primary focus.

The World Is Not Necessarily Good Or Bad

“When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.”—Dr. Seuss

Are you comfortable with the idea that what you give your attention to expands? For example, I have a friend whom I’ve known for years who repeatedly finds fault with issues that concern him. He draws attention to those treated unjustly and comments about political or social unrest by highlighting what is wrong in the world. In the time I’ve known him, he’s seldom mentioned a good news story because he focuses on the injustice around him. Not that he’s a negative person, it’s that he directs his attention towards issues he is powerless to do anything about. Perhaps by mentioning it, he feels a sense of social justice and empowerment. Do you know people like this? I don’t know about you, but I’d rather direct my attention on what is right in the world. I’m under no false impression that if I focus on the disasters and difficulties in life, it will occupy space in my consciousness and soon enough I have bought into other people’s fears and problems. I’m reminded of a passage by the Zen Buddhist teacher Joan Halifax who writes in Standing at the Edge: Finding Freedom Where Fear and Courage Meet: “There is plenty to be outraged about in the world, and our anger can give us the energy we need to confront injustice. Strong emotions can help us recognize an immoral situation and can motivate us to intervene, take a stand, even risk our lives to benefit others. However, when moral outrage is self-serving, chronic, or unregulated—when it becomes the very lens through which we view the world—it can be addictive and divisive.”

It’s not that I choose to live a Pollyanna existence either. I prefer not to comment or watch news events about what is wrong in the world. I focus on my personal growth and development because if I am a better person, the ripple effect is significant in contrast to focussing on negativity. The premise here is that the world is not necessarily good or bad. The world is what it is and we can focus our attention either way, knowing what we observe shapes our reality and ultimately our destiny. Knowing this, I’d like you to consider three areas of your life where you’re giving unnecessary attention to. It might be your job, a relationship, worrying about your finances or living conditions. Whatever it is, see if you can find the opposite of that thought. Completely shift your attention and note how you feel in the coming weeks and months. After all, if we allow life to dominate our lives, we will be at the mercy of all that is wrong in the world, when we ought to improve our life as best we can.

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