Tony Fahkry's Blog, page 21

Why Your Soul Knows What The Mind Cannot Understand

Your Soul Knows The Best Path For You

“The soul has been given its own ears to hear things that the mind does not understand.”—Rumi

Have you ever experienced a sense of oneness? A feeling of connectedness with life and the universe? What did it feel like on an emotional level? These types of occurrences are difficult to explain through logic and reason because the soul experiences what the mind cannot explain. For example, how do you describe the attraction towards another person via logic? You might describe how the other person makes you feel, but it is difficult to define the exact quality of the attraction. This is because emotions are the language of the soul and can only be experienced through the heart. Soulful living is an invitation to merge with our heart and mind through these faculties. Is this something you’re willing to explore in your life?

I’ll admit, it can be difficult to navigate our way through life at the soul level because the communication is hard to distinguish. In contrast, the language of thought is direct because we are familiar with it. This doesn’t mean thoughts are the only way to make sense of the world. In fact, many of our problems stem from an overactive mind that leads to stress since we buy into the narrative our thoughts promote. Have you noticed this with the mindless chatter that takes place in your head which can cause chaos and confusion? The language of the heart speaks in silence and relays messages through subtle signs and symbols.

Your soul knows the best path for you in life, yet it may not appear that way sometimes because of the challenges you face. Regardless, these are vital lessons to expand your soul’s evolution. I’ve experienced many of these lessons throughout my life and now realise my soul was communicating to me through these experiences. Whilst they were difficult, a new path emerged following the event that lead me in a new direction. Have you experienced something like this before? Whether it be the breakup of a relationship, losing a job or the unexpected loss of a loved one? Whilst these events can be distressing, they leave a ripple effect in our consciousness and we can never go back to the same way of living.

Acceptance Does Not Mean Resignation

“You cannot find your soul with your mind, you must use your heart. You must know what you are feeling. If you don’t know what you are feeling, you will create unconsciously.”—Gary Zukav

I’ve written about my life-and-death encounter in earlier articles where I describe a gradual awakening that foreshadowed a new way of living. I began to read books on consciousness, personal growth and leadership and realised my experience was a gateway to expanded living. Regrettably, I lost many friends during this time whom I no longer identified with. It seemed we were speaking different languages that neither of us could understand and our life’s journey was taking us in different directions. Naturally, I wanted to hold on to these relationships because I had known these people since childhood. As painful as it was, I allowed life to take the lead, and surrendered to the process. I stopped resisting the changes because they were happening, regardless of my struggle. My resistance only fuelled more suffering, and it was easier to go with the flow hoping it would lead to somewhere special. I’m glad I did because that special place is the one I am living now and the person writing these words on your screen.

Sometimes, what seems like the wrong turn, is the only turn we need to take for life to guide us where we need to be. The soul has a plan for us and knows the people that will enter our life at the right time. It knows what lessons we need for our soul’s evolution. It makes it easier when we let go of resistance and learn to accept what is unfolding. Remember, acceptance does not mean resignation, nor does it mean we like what is happening. It means letting go of the mental drama of why things shouldn’t be happening as they are. All our problems will melt away when we accept what life is trying to bring us. Sometimes the pieces may be still coming together and the situation may look fragmented. This is an opportunity to practice infinite patience and wait for the storm to pass, before taking the next step.

With this in mind, I’d like you to think about a difficult situation in your life right now. Ask yourself: What does my soul want me to learn from this experience? How does my soul want me to learn and grow from it? Journal your answers in a diary. I assure you there will be responses that come forth which may not make sense at first. Keep exploring them and follow the trail. Sometimes, it will be easy and at other times you will be frustrated because you cannot make sense of what is unfolding. This is natural because you might try to dance quicker than the song being played. The uni-verse (one song) has an inherent rhythm we must abide by and when we learn to synchronise with it, life flows easily and effortlessly. Your soul not only knows what the mind cannot understand, it knows the best way to get there.

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Your Beliefs Control Your Destiny, Whether You Like It Or Not

Are Your Beliefs Serving You?

“You begin to fly when you let go of self-limiting beliefs and allow your mind and aspirations to rise to greater heights.” ―Brian Tracy

Your beliefs control your destiny because they are the imprint upon which the future is cast. Take a moment and reflect on your current beliefs. Think about how you acquired them in the first place and whether they have changed over time? Many of us form beliefs when we’re young and hold on to them with strong conviction. If our beliefs are challenged, we respond angrily because of their importance in our lives. But what if our beliefs are not working for us? For instance, I recall growing up, the importance of working hard to earn a living. This became my belief for the past three decades. However, my parents immigrated to this country in the late fifties and worked hard to make a life in a new country. From their perspective, working hard equated to the success required to thrive in their new surroundings.

Nowadays, with the tech boom we have seen countless young entrepreneurs become multimillionaires and billionaires overnight. The painstaking hard work approach my parents were familiar with has been replaced with big ideas and innovation. The point I wish to make is: we must upgrade our beliefs as our life circumstances change. Many beliefs are passed down from one generation to another and are rarely questioned. What about you? Are your beliefs serving you? How do you know? You need only look to your present circumstances to see whether your beliefs are working for you or against you. For example, how would you rate your relationships, whether they be intimate, friends or otherwise? What is the state of your finances or career? What is your health like? We need to be honest and score ourselves in each of these areas to see whether our beliefs are empowering us or working against us.

Be Willing To Upgrade Your Beliefs

“Our limitations and success will be based, most often, on your own expectations for ourselves. What the mind dwells upon, the body acts upon.” ―Denis Waitley

Fate does not influence our destiny, our beliefs do because they control our actions. Take for example my mother who rarely drives into the CBD because she believes it is difficult to find parking spots on the street. On the other hand, I have worked in the CBD for years and known parking spots are readily available around town. If I were to drive into the CBD with my mother for a couple of weeks and point out the parking spots, I’m certain her belief would change. There’s a passage that reads: “You must believe it before you see it.” Regrettably, for most people the reverse holds true and this holds us back in areas of our life. Can you see how your beliefs decide what you experience?

Sadly, many people go to their deathbed having lived a less than optimal life and call it fate or destiny. We have far more choices about our life than we recognise. Therefore, we must be mindful whether we are choosing from a place of fear or a place of love. If our beliefs are flawed, we will choose accordingly and call it fate since we don’t know better. A well known example is seen in dating where many people hold a limiting belief along the lines of: “There are no good men or women to date” or “All the good ones are taken.” Have you heard these beliefs amongst your friends or perhaps even yourself? In this instance we are perpetuating a limiting belief based on fear. However, if we buy into this narrative, it will prevent us from taking action to be in a loving relationship. We might avoid putting ourselves out there or build a wall to protect us. Therefore, our belief becomes a double-edge sword where it keeps us safe, yet it prevents us living a richer life. It might be better to create a belief such as, “I am open to being in a relationship with a suitable person at the right time.” We must upgrade our beliefs and challenge them until our life circumstances change. Is this something you’re willing to do? Are you prepared to step out of your comfort zone and challenge long-held beliefs that might be holding you back?

A practice I have used for years involves writing in my weekly journal any limiting beliefs that I feel are holding me back. I challenge the belief and look for evidence where it appears in my life. I then create new beliefs and affirmations to support the shift in awareness. We must change our thought landscape if we wish to change our model of reality. If we don’t do the work, we are likely to call it fate or destiny and lament our missed choices. With this in mind, I am running a webinar on June 20th 2019 titled: The Power Of Your Beliefs. This is a 60 minute free online presentation where I explore how to transform your beliefs from negative to empowering. If there are areas of your life you would like to improve, consider attending this webinar. After all, as the great Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung knew well: “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

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When You Heal Yourself First, The Rest Will Fall Into Place

Nothing Is An Accident But Results From Our Thinking

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”—Kahlil Gibran

How would you describe your relationship with yourself? Is it a kind, compassionate and nurturing one or does it encompass a critical voice? It is important we understand the way we treat ourselves because it impacts how we relate to others. I realise many people have been hurt, whether it be through childhood wounds or intimate relationships. We have all experienced pain and suffering at some point. However, this shouldn’t mean we carry our emotional wounds around and unload them on others. Whilst we may not have consented to the experience that caused us pain, it is incumbent on us to heal the wounds and find our way back to wholeness.

Life is not fair at the best of times, yet if we buy into this narrative, we are bound to lose hope. It is better we see life as a process where good things happen and sometimes unfortunate things happen. I’m not convinced life is out to get us. However, in my early 20s I was certain it was, since unpleasant experiences seemed like I was being punished. It wasn’t until my early 30s I realised it was my thoughts that regulated how I interacted with life. That is to say, the wisdom of the years has taught me that life is impartial and my thinking determines my outlook. I am the tuning fork and life echoes back the experience of my thoughts. Ever since then, I have become attentive to my surroundings and inner world. For example, if I’m ruminating on something negative, I will see evidence of this in my waking life, such as repeated TV commercials about what I am focusing on. I am attentive to it and snap out of it quickly. Have you noticed this in your life? Do you observe your surroundings and pay attention to your inner world such as your dreams?

The point I wish to make is that healing is an inside out job. It begins by nurturing our thoughts with what we want to show up in our life. What we believe at a deeper level becomes our destiny, whether we like it or not. We are not victims given the deeper meaning behind every experience that teaches us valuable lessons. I see life as one giant mirror and we are the architects and creators of our reality. What we call a deleterious experience is the universe shining a light on our thoughts. I know this may sound insensitive but the universe doesn’t care what we think about. The universe is aligned with fundamental laws and when we abide by them, the circumstances of our life flow like a stream. We create every experience through our thoughts. Therefore, if we wish to heal the past, we ought to concede that nothing is an accident but results from our thinking. Is this an idea you are willing to embrace? Irrespective of your life’s experience up till now, are you willing to give life a chance?

Heal The Distorted Beliefs And Replace Them With The Truth

“The cure for pain is in the pain.”—Rumi

When you make it a priority to heal yourself first, everything falls into place. When we perceive life differently, outside circumstances begin to reflect our thoughts. Granted, it may take a while but what is the rush? I often hear people talk about healing to the extent it is now embellished on social media with inspirational quotes. But no one tells us what it requires because no two paths to healing are the same. Some people spend their entire life healing and are still wounded. Healing requires understanding we are already whole as spiritual beings, yet throughout life we take on beliefs that distort this sense of wholeness. Healing is seeing past the illusion we are broken or need to be fixed. Whilst healing is important, integrating our wounds into the wholeness of our true nature is vital. We were never broken to begin with but lose our way throughout our earthly existence.

Healing requires putting the pieces of our life back together and stripping away what is not essential. It requires letting go of negativity by way of: fear, anger, anxiety and other disempowering states. These states find their way into our psyche and just like a computer virus, cause destruction until it takes over. Our job is to heal these distorted beliefs and replace them with the truth. We are none of these things and that is why healing is a return to love; the place we originated from and where we will eventually return. This is the essence of the message espoused by the spiritual teacher and author Matt Khan who writes in Everything Is Here to Help You: A Loving Guide to Your Soul’s Evolution: “When rooted in the vibration of love, we don’t have to be completely healed in order to bring forth the kindness and care that already dwells within us. Love inspires us to console the innocence within our heart that wishes it felt something other than how things are.” With this is mind, your task over the coming days is to write down a list of what you believe is standing in your way of living a remarkable life. On a separate page, write down whether you know for certain this is true? How can you reframe these beliefs? What needs to change to create empowering beliefs and are you prepared to do the work? Once we heal ourselves, life begins to mirror our inner world because we have attended to the root cause of our pain.

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Stop Wishing For A Better Life And Embrace The One You Have Now

The Grass Is Rarely Greener On The Other Side

“We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”—Joseph Campbell

Let’s be truthfully honest: Are you happy with your life or do you wish things were different? For example, how would a life coach evaluate it? Would they make adjustments here and there or give you their sign of approval? Sometimes we allow our negative emotions to get in the way of what life is trying to tell us. We might see our friends or those on Instagram living wonderful lives and wish ours was the same. Though we are not looking at things objectively but judging it on appearances alone. No matter how successful, rich or happy you are, there will always be challenges and no one is immune from them. Does it make sense that wishing for a better life doesn’t bring it into existence? It requires picking apart what is not working and attending to those details consistently.

It’s no secret, everyone wants a better life. But as you may or may not know, the grass is rarely greener on the other side. It may appear that way but as soon as you attract better circumstances there will be new problems and challenges to overcome. For example, those who are single might lament their loneliness and want to be in an intimate relationship to compensate for this. However, some become disheartened when the relationship doesn’t meet their expectations and they wish they were single once more. The same is true with money. When we’re struggling financially, we wish for an endless supply of money, however if we become financially successful, there are other challenges that arise. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting we shouldn’t become financially free. Though, we ought to develop the right mindset so irrespective of whether we are rich or poor, single or in a relationship, we will be happy nonetheless. How do you feel about this? Can you learn to be happy with your current circumstances knowing your life is a work in progress?

Work Through Your Problems

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need.”—Lao Tzu

The key is understanding that life is a constantly evolving process. Sometimes we will experience difficulties, pain and struggles, while other times we will experience joy, elation and success. Winston Churchill said it perfectly: “Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” He knew that to succeed, we mustn’t lose enthusiasm despite our difficulties. Challenges help us sharpen the saw of our character. Whilst it may not be clear to us at the time, our pain and troubles can help us get clear on living the life we dreamed of. I have encountered many challenges throughout my life. There were moments where I thought I was doomed for failure. Not that I didn’t want to succeed, though every time I tried, I failed miserably. I thought life was against me and I compared myself to others who were succeeding. But those lessons contributed to my personal development. What you believe to be deleterious may be the greatest thing for your personal growth. It is said: The obstacle is the way.

Is this making sense? Can you appreciate what happens outside of you reflects what is taking place within you? I’m certain you have many questions brewing inside your mind. I invite you to write them down in a journal, if you use one. If you don’t, it would be a good time to start because journaling is an effective way to observe the theme of your life. This is the first thing I recommend to new coaching clients when we work together. Journaling is a powerful tool to become aware of our thoughts and work through our difficulties. It requires observing what is not working in your life and coming up with ways to overcome those challenges. You literally become better at working through solutions instead of falling into despair. Even if we like to compare ourselves to others, we realise it is futile because the assessment is unproductive. We ought to become our own motivator, counsellor if we wish to conquer our challenges.

As we work through our problems, life will not seem as bleak as we think. It only looks that way because we get stuck in a certain way of living and can’t find our way out. We are like mice in a lab experiment, spinning on a never-ending wheel with no exit. The keys are in your hand and they lie in your ability to find solutions to your problems. With this in mind, I’d like you to take one pressing issue in your life and journal five to eight solutions. They might not look impressive upon first glance, however revisit them over the coming days and narrow them down to three. When you are satisfied, pick one and act on it. Note in your journal whether it helps you or if it requires more steps. It is when we stop wishing for a better life and embrace the one we are given, that we appreciate a better life has been staring us in the face all along.

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Whilst You Don’t Have To Like Everyone, You Can Still Be Civil To Them

External Situations Do Not Have Power Over Us

“Being a good person doesn’t depend on your religion, your race or your skin colour or your culture. It depends on how good your heart is and how good you treat others.”—Anonymous

Think about a person in your life causing you distress. Try to get a sense of the emotions you feel when you think about them. Sit with these feelings as you read this article because I want you to revisit them at the end. It’s no surprise, sometimes we encounter people we don’t like and want out of our life. It is my experience that people find it difficult to be pleasant to those they dislike. This is understandable since the other person may cause us pain and suffering. But what I am proposing in this article is being civil to them irrespective of our differences. Even though we may not like the other person, we can at least be polite to them. Is this something you’re willing to try? I realise it may be difficult, yet you can still be civilised towards others in the face of disagreement. This is the premise of the anonymous quote which reads: “If people respect you respect them back; if they disrespect, you respect them back. They represent their ideology you represent yours.”

For example, I live in a quiet neighbourhood though I have a neighbour who is noisy. They play loud music almost nightly via speakers in their backyard. Their dog barks throughout the day and sometimes into the night. It makes it difficult to work from home and I often resort to wearing earplugs to cancel out the noise. However, on the occasions I see them in the street, I am pleasant to them and have a brief conversation without allowing my frustration to get the better of me. The point I’m trying to make is: We mustn’t let others disrupt our inner peace otherwise we get dragged into their world. It is easy to get angry when we experience difficulties in our lives. Sometimes it is unavoidable, yet if we allow the feelings to pass and return to a state of peace, we find that external situations needn’t overpower us. There is a lot to be upset about in the world nowadays. If we buy into this way of living, we are bound to get irritated and take to social media to voice our opinion. But do you really want to be that person? Do you want to let your anger get the better of you or would you prefer inner peace? These are difficult choices to make because it may seem we are relinquishing our power.

When They Go Low, We Go High

“When once the forms of civility are violated, there remains little hope of return to kindness or decency.”—Samuel Johnson

I felt that way with my neighbour’s constant noise because I couldn’t control it. But I had it all wrong because they have no awareness of what it’s like to have inner peace. The important point here is: The people you have difficulties with are operating from a level of consciousness they are familiar with. They may be difficult to deal with but it would be better to give them the benefit of the doubt because as the motivational speaker Jim Rohn used to say: “People would do better, if they knew better.” What are your thoughts about this? Do you believe some people are intent to make our life a living hell or are they operating from a limited awareness? People can only act from what they know and getting angry serves no one because they don’t see what you see. It is why personal growth is valuable since we upgrade our consciousness to see more and become more.

We must cultivate good thoughts and nurture them daily to evolve. If we allow others to drag us down to their level, we become like them. Don’t succumb to their ways. It is what the former First Lady Michelle Obama meant when she said: “When they go low, we go high.” We mustn’t allow others to drag us into the murky waters of despair and gloom. It is easy to succumb to negativity especially when we have been wronged against. Sometimes it will feel hopeless, however I invite you to think about what you’ve read so far and take the higher ground. The other person must be in pain to drag you down to their level. Therefore, refuse to give in to their ways but show them what it’s like to be at a higher level, as Michelle Obama reminds us. Even if they cannot attain this level, at least you refuse to get dragged into their negativity. With this in mind, I asked you at the beginning to reflect on the individual causing you difficulty. Try to get a sense of what it would be like to maintain a higher ground with this person. Upon your next interaction, see if you can be courteous to them without giving away your power. Treat them politely without succumbing to their negative ways. You cannot fight fear and anger with more fear and anger. Peace and love cancels out fear every time. It is only once we can be civil to others that our pain and struggle give way to insights and freedom.

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You Will Win Every Time You Remain Positive In A Negative Situation

The Difference Is What We See And How We Interpret It

“Every adversity, every failure and every heartache carries with it the seed of an equivalent or a greater benefit.”– Napoleon Hill

When was the last time you experienced a negative situation? Recall the event as best you can and think about how you responded. Did you get caught up in negativity or were you composed? Depending on the event, can you see how the worry and anxiety draws you into negativity? It’s natural to respond negatively when a condition spirals out of control, particularly when we least expect it. A tirade of negative thoughts emerge and we find ourselves unable to break free from it. I want to reassure you this is normal because of the mind’s inherent negativity bias. It is an evolutionary mechanism that has helped mankind evolve over thousands of centuries. However, it becomes a hazard when it works against us.

Each of us has experienced a negative situation at some time. Regrettably, some people experience them more than others and get caught up in victimhood thinking. Perception is everything because what you look for, you will find. The power of free will means we can perceive something as bad in a good situation and complain about it. Someone else will find the good in a negative situation and use it to their advantage. What’s important is how we interpret what we see. For example, I was reading through my book reviews on Amazon recently and noticed someone had left me a one star review on my book, Awaken Your Authentic Self. If you buy books on Amazon, you will be familiar with a feature called Look Inside. This allows the user to preview the contents of the book before they buy it. The reviewer mistakenly attributed this feature which was not working as something I had a part in.

To be clear, this is Amazon’s domain since they create, manage and host their own website. As an author, my publisher lists the book on Amazon and I am divested of any involvement in the sale or management of its content. I felt a wave of negative emotions come over me when I read the review, since there was little I could do to resolve it. The point I’m trying to make is, sometimes things happen that are out of our control and while we may be innocent, we still have a choice in how we respond. Getting caught up in negativity is of little use because it won’t change the outcome. Even if I got upset, I am allowing external conditions to dictate my happiness.

Life Is Neither Fair Nor Unfair

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”—Maya Angelou

Can you identify with this narrative in your own life? Has something similar happened where you were innocent and though you tried to rectify the situation, it was of little help? This is when we may succumb to negativity because we have been wronged against. However, we have a choice and it may not be the easiest one to make, but it is the better choice for our peace of mind. Anger and negativity reinforces a despairing mindset because we feel transgression is perpetrated intentionally. Listen, bad things happen to good people sometimes. Equally, people believe life is unfair. Life is neither fair nor unfair; it beats on regardless of how much you try to change its nature. I don’t mean to say we are insignificant in the scheme of things. Rather, things are bound to happen, and it is not the event itself that fuels our suffering but in choosing our response that dictates whether we remain at peace or get caught up in the storm. Are you comfortable with this idea that perceiving life as fair or unfair does little to help you through difficult times? The questions we ought to ask ourselves is: What am I called to know about this situation? How can I evolve from what is taking place?

Therefore, you win every time you remain positive in a negative situation because life will pull us into despair given the chance. Negativity is only a stone’s throw away. Everyone will tell you how difficult life can be but rarely do we hear stories of life being filled with joy and happiness. Even comments on social media nowadays have become an outlet for moral outrage and social injustice. But this is not helping anyone, other than pulling us into hopelessness because we are drawn into this fictitious sense of injustice in the world. Assuredly, what you read enough of is bound to create your reality and for some, social media is their only platform for information. I knew of a client whose only information outlet was Facebook, so all her news and information was catered to her area of interest. She didn’t read books but preferred Facebook as her source of knowledge, regrettably most of it was negative. With this in mind, I’d like you to think about the earlier example of a recent negative event in your life. Ask yourself the questions I put to you in the second last paragraph and journal what comes up for you. It is by remaining positive in a negative situation we win the day and overcome the negativity of the world. What will you choose?

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Why There Is Always Light At The End Of The Tunnel

The Darkness Cultivates Strength Of Character

“There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but the way out is through.” — David Allen

To discover the light at the end of the tunnel, we must inhabit the darkness with complete faith that respite is ahead. The tunnel is our life’s journey, which sometimes can be filled with darkness. In such moments it’s natural to look for a way out, yet we ought to trust that a turning point awaits us around the corner. The darkness can terrify us when we’re stuck, and unable to navigate our way ahead. It represents an inner struggle and in those moments we feel helpless. However, this is inaccurate that only pulls us deeper into this darkened state. Trapped in a shadow of darkness can be unrelenting, given that suffering offers no respite. Have you experienced this in your life where you were consumed by darkness? How did you find a way through it?

However unwelcoming our circumstances, we needn’t suffer alone. To have others accompany us reaffirms our faith there is always someone to lean on. This simple act of renewal strengthens our resolve because two souls walking into battle are soldiers in arms. It is why I am drawn to the passage in the song Let It Be by the Beatles which says: “When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be. And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me, shine on until tomorrow, let it be.” The light that shines on us is the contrast of light and dark, merged in the sea of duality. For example, the darkness in the evening gives rise to the light at dawn. Within this system, life assures us nothing is permanent, since every experience endures its rebirth. We are never stranded, however inhospitable the circumstances. How we internalise what unfolds, shapes our destiny.

When ensnared in darkness we have two choices: draw our attention to the fear or direct our focus towards the light. By doing so we renew our faith knowing relief is at hand. Occasionally, there’s little we can do to usher a change in conditions. At other times, we are forced to wrestle with the ruins of despair. Yet in those moments, we appreciate how the darkness cannot extinguish the light of our eternal being. The darkness cultivates strength of character, just as light illuminates the murkiness of night. We can experience frailty in those dark moments, unable to make sense of our situation. Yet through the darkness, we surrender to the forces of life knowing we have little control after all. It was Winston Churchill who once said: “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” We must advance through obscurity if we wish to realise the lessons contained within our experience. To retreat is to lose sight of the personal growth life seeks to instil in us. Otherwise, we will revisit the lessons in different forms until we experience them fully. Have you seen this in your own life where the same lessons keep reappearing in a different form?

Consider What The Experience Is Trying To Teach You

“Persistent people are able to visualize the idea of light at the end of the tunnel when others can’t see it.” — Seth Godin

Many people are prone to suffer from depressive states and lose hope of a way out. In uncertainty, we must take each day as it comes. This practice alone draws our attention to the present moment since that is all we have. We gain wisdom in our darkest hour, knowing our eternal soul cannot be overshadowed. We ought to focus on the smallest progress in moments of despair, instead of looking to a tomorrow which may not arrive as we hope for. Nothing is certain, apart from this moment. Instead of rushing towards the exit, the smallest act forward renews our faith that light is at the end of the tunnel. Contained within these marginal gains lies our yesterday’s which give rise to a new tomorrow. The Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung put it eloquently when he said: “As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.” So, how does one stay composed when ensnared in darkness? Have faith–nothing lasts forever. Even time is an illusion when immersed in the darkness of a harsh reality. Amid a tornado, sixty seconds can seem like an eternity, and so it is with moments of despair. Consider what the experience is trying to teach you? If looking down on your life’s journey from above, what adjustments would you make going forward?

When trapped in your circumstances, try to look for the slightest respite in those untenable moments. The darkness invites us to practice self-compassion and nurture equanimity. We are called to exercise our noblest truths that lie at the heart of our being. Equally, to lean on others during times of suffering summons our capacity to trust we needn’t go through hardship alone. There is always someone by our side to help us reclaim our strength. Knowing this, consider an experience in your life that seems helpless. What is the smallest action you can take each day to deal with it? It might involve talking to someone, writing in your journal or crying to experience the intensity of your emotions. Don’t discount the power of small actions because they have the potential to heal your wounds and help you overcome pain and suffering. To find the light at the end of the tunnel, advance through the darkness knowing your compassioned hope for change lies around the corner. I invite you not to frown upon your misery, but embrace it as a doorway to inner transformation.

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We All Have Something To Add To This Experience Of Life. What Are You Contributing?

For The Greater Good Of Humanity

“The wise person doesn’t ask, “What have I achieved?” but rather, “What have I contributed?”—Marianne Williamson

Are you contributing to this experience called life? Allow me to explain myself better. Contribution requires us being of value and service in some way. It needn’t be on a global scale but embodied through your thoughts, actions or non-actions for the betterment of humanity. I’ve had the privilege of meeting some amazing people over the course of my professional life and I was astonished by their journey. Moreover, their exceptional attitude towards selfless contribution is worthy of mention. Similarly, I’ve met people who take from society and contribute nothing in return. These are people with little self-awareness and who are narcissistic by nature because they consider themselves the centre of the universe. How about you? Do you contribute to life or are you always trying to get more?

We are here on this planet for a purpose and it doesn’t matter whether you’re an atheist, a nihilist or a sceptic. The fact you exist at this point in time holds significance to your purpose here. I’m not asking you to believe in religion, a higher power or a greater intelligence, but to consider your presence on earth to be significant otherwise you wouldn’t be here. People might argue, there is no reason for their existence because they were conceived without their involvement. However, there are deeper implications for our existence and we ought to appreciate how we can be of value and service in this life. Is this something you’ve thought about before? Irrespective of your position, could you entertain the idea you are here to contribute to humanity in some form? I realise people assume they must become the next Elon Musk to be of value in the world, however we can still contribute on a smaller scale.

Contribution requires using our inherent skills, passions and attributes for the greater good of humanity. You’ve heard it said no two people are the same since we are unique in our own special way. Therefore our uniqueness becomes an expression of how we add value to life. This is the essence of what spiritual author Dennis Merritt Jones explains in Your Redefining Moments: Becoming Who You Were Born to Be where he writes: “Every human being’s purpose is the same—to bring the deepest part of themselves to the surface and unabashedly share it with the world. The manner in which each one personalizes the gift is their mission—and because there are no two people on the planet alike, nor shall their missions be the same. Your individualized mission is found in whatever you are called to do that honours the giver of the gift in a manner that integrates your authentic self with the doing self.”

Are You Living In Harmony With Nature?

“Don’t spend your precious time asking “Why isn’t the world a better place?” It will only be time wasted. The question to ask is “How can I make it better?” To that there is an answer.”—Leo Buscaglia

I like to think of life as a giant amusement park where we get to ride the rollercoaster as a collective group. It is incumbent upon us to work together throughout the journey where the ride will experience highs and lows, twists and turns and sometimes come to an abrupt stop. If we work against each other, this fuels pain and suffering and we’ve seen this throughout history and in present times. Some people believe they are more important than others as illustrated through their egoic actions and self-interests, instead of working towards unity and oneness. We see this through governments and politicians who fulfil their own needs before the needs of their constituents and those they serve. This leads to political and societal unrest, for obvious reasons.

We are here to help one another through this experience of life. The irony is that by assisting others, you get what you want. I liken it to riding a seesaw. Without a person on the other side, the ride does not function as it is intended. Yet when two people work together by balancing one another and alternating their roles, the ride functions flawlessly. This is how life works, insofar as helping others get what they want, helps you receive the exchange of your goodness. Through the process of reciprocity what you give out comes back to you multiplied, especially when given with heartfelt kindness and love. Is this an idea you can take on board? I’m not asking you to become Mother Teresa but notice how you contribute to this experience of life. Do you balance your giving and receiving with others?  

It’s important we be mindful of our place in the universe to bring harmony to our lives and the greater good of others. With this in mind, I’d like you to consider ways in which you can contribute to life. What acts of goodness can you perform in your local community, whether it be through volunteering, helping others or being mindful of what you consume? This is about taking an inventory of our lives to see whether we are living in harmony with nature. If you are unsure how this looks, get out in nature and observe the trees, the ocean, and the sun and notice a state of unconditional giving. Mother Nature constantly gives because we are purely renting space here for a short time and some of us take more than we pay rent for. So it is natural we give back in the smallest way to help enrich the lives of our fellow human beings. As St Francis of Assisi once said: “For it is in giving that we receive.”

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7 Ways To Accept Yourself Through The Eyes Of Unconditional Love

Reconnect With Your Purposeful Self

“Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Be true to yourself. How you treat yourself sets the standard for how others will treat you.”—Steve Maraboli

It is important for our personal development to learn how to love ourselves. If we don’t, it is hard to expect others to love us. Whilst humans have many faults and shortcomings, embracing our faults is central to accepting ourselves as we are. Loving ourselves should become our highest priority if we wish to live authentically, from a place of non-resistance. I don’t mean loving ourselves in a self-centred way but to embrace our uniqueness and the gifts that show up in our daily life. Low self-esteem puts the brake on our personal growth by restricting our concept of self, insofar as we may never reach our full potential if we entertain recurring thoughts of low self-esteem. Consider the following thoughts as a guide for reconnecting with your purposeful self and developing a stronger relationship with that self.

1. Know Yourself

If our desire is personal growth, it is vital we understand ourselves better, and know what makes us bloom. We may be aware of our flaws, yet embracing them and moving forward becomes our source of courage. Nobody is perfect—we may spend our entire life trying to fill an empty shoe that doesn’t exist if we follow this line of thinking. Yes, even his Holiness the Dalai Lama is subject to the conditions of human frailty. Therefore, I invite you to stand before a mirror and admire your reflection. Do you like what you see reflected back to you? What feelings arise when you look deeply into your eyes? Some people are loath to appreciate themselves and their body. Whilst you may not consider yourself as important as other people, in your life story you are the hero in your life’s journey.

2. Stop Criticising Yourself

Do you belittle yourself over small things? Whenever you make a mistake, are you aware of the inner critic inside your head reminding you of your imperfections? Criticising yourself will get you nowhere fast. People who practice self-compassion are more successful in life with a healthier outlook. It is vital to associate with your positive traits instead of focusing on the negative ones. Be mindful you are not reliving a childhood phase of your life by reconnecting with a critical parent. Therefore, let go of your need to judge yourself and move towards a state of empathy.

3. Embrace Your Positive Nature

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”—Rumi

When you entertain positive thoughts, you are kinder towards yourself so your self-love and self-esteem increases. Kindness towards others becomes an expression of one’s self-love. You can only give out what you hold in your heart. Therefore, if you believe you are undeserving of attention and kindness, you will likely withhold sharing these virtues with others. Every person is born positive, it’s their environment which shapes them into a bitter or negative individual. Even at this stage, you can still embrace your positive nature. Nothing is carved in stone unless you give it power and permission.

4. Acknowledge Your Success

You might not have succeeded according to your terms and definition, yet the definition of success is arbitrary. What does success look like to you? There are many people who never attempt to step out of their comfort zone and yet insist success paves a path to their front door. If you made a direct effort to pursue something you desired, but could not succeed, don’t let that impair your definition of success. Failure is part of the process to reach your goals. Those who succeed will tell you they failed repeatedly before reaching success. Your success is determined by how you bounce back from your failures and the lessons gained. Trying is a big thing. It is not always about winning, sometimes it’s the effort that counts.

5. Release Your Worries

Worrying is a futile emotion that is better spent taking appropriate action. Worrying uses up vital emotional energy which can be channelled into developing emotional resiliency and fortitude. The more you entertain worrying thoughts, the more you establish a place in your mind that becomes habituated to worrying. There is a term used in neuropsychology known as the Hebbian theory which states: nerves that fire together, wire together. When you entertain worrying thoughts, you set up stronger neural connections in the brain for the worrying to exist. Set your worries aside since they may hold you back from prospering at greater levels. Surely you want to taste success and transform your worries into empowering emotions, which can serve your greatest potential.

6. Forgive Yourself

“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”—Louise Hay

We all make mistakes, some people make more than others, yet that does not qualify you or them to think less of oneself. Holding on to your mistakes inhibits vital neural pathways in the brain from learning. Your brain is engineered for growth and learning the context of a receptive environment. No one is immune to making mistakes. Therefore, learn to forgive yourself by practicing detachment from outcomes. Trust that whatever happened in the past was done so with the level of awareness apparent to you. You were doing the best you could given the resources available to you, thus forgiveness opens the door to help you move forward. Appreciate the lessons gained from your experiences by seeing them as an opportunity to gain the emotional resiliency to fight other battles.

7. Be Grateful

If you’re reading this on a smartphone or tablet, you have every reason to be grateful. If you have access to a computer, you are privileged to have electricity and are more likely to live an industrialised country with suitable resources. Almost three billion people on the planet live below the poverty line and it is expected this figure will rise over the coming years. At the time of writing, the world’s population is 7.53 billion people. Yet, less than half gets by on $2.50 a day. Without turning this into a lecture on why we should be grateful, it is worth appreciating how much there is to be grateful for when we consider those numbers. Gratitude entails being thankful for what is available in our life right NOW. It does not mean being grateful when we gain something of value or someone contributing to our happiness. It means recognising what is available to us at this moment results from the thoughts, beliefs and energy we created to allow us to be who we are. We create our reality through the sum of our thoughts, habits and actions.

Being grateful does not mean comparing oneself to others who are less fortunate; for we are all navigating our own journey in life. People often ask me: “Tony, how can I be grateful when people are homeless and others are dying in third-world countries?” My reply is: “It is your obligation to be grateful not for what is happening in the world, but what is happening in your world.” Consider if every person in the world raised their thought energy to one of gratitude? The collective consciousness of humanity would expand to the degree that poverty, homelessness and other diseases and illnesses would no longer be a threat to our way of life. Whilst this sounds like a Utopian existence, it is conceivable that we can make slow strides toward this possibility if we play our part in the evolution of humanity.

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When We Are Easily Offended, We Close The Door To True Understanding

Is Being Offended Serving You?

“When you are offended at any man’s fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger.”—Epictetus

How do you react when someone offends you, whether it be intentionally or otherwise? Do you allow it to get the better of you? I don’t wish to embellish this article by advising whether we should react to criticism or not. However, I wish to highlight how we can better deal with criticism instead of being offended. With the rise of readily accessible news and social media nowadays, more and more people are easily offended. While I’m not suggesting the world is lined with good intentions, being easily offended has become the hallmark for activism and social standing. You no doubt value your personal growth and improving your life because you are drawn to this message. Considering this, I want you to examine whether being offended is serving you? Ask yourself whether it enhances your life? Do you feel you belong to something like an important cause?

This is not about making you feel guilty but examining whether being offended is serving you. Could taking offence be a cover up for something else lying beneath the surface? I don’t know and neither will you unless you sit with your thoughts and examine them. For example, I stopped being offended many years ago. It took a great deal of self-examination, but I realised it was not serving me anymore. In fact, it was retarding my growth because I was offended by those whom I didn’t know and whose values and opinions differed to mine. These were people I had never met, yet I was offended by a comment someone wrote in response to an article. It became clear one day when I realised: “Why am I allowing this person’s comment to hurt me?” What followed was a silent voice that responded: “Because you have the seed of that offence within you.” My core self was telling me this individual was mirroring my deepest thoughts about myself. It wasn’t until I healed and transformed these thoughts, I overcame my hurt with others.

Silence The Monkey Mind

“Whenever anyone has offended me, I try to raise my soul so high that the offense cannot reach it.”—Rene Descartes

How about you? Think of a time where you took offence to something, whether recently or in the past? Undoubtedly, family and friends can push our pain buttons because they know our weakest points. They are great teachers insofar as they expose the truthfulness of our thoughts. I use the word teachers because we can learn to overcome our shortcomings through the experiences our family and friends expose us to. What I’m saying is: there are other ways we can respond that doesn’t involve being offended. For example, silence and introspection are ways in which we get to the heart of what is taking place within our psyche. We might journal our thoughts and reactions to see whether they are serving us. There may be a sense of belonging that comes with being offended or aligning our values with moral causes. Whatever you decide, it requires choosing empowering responses aligned with your integrity and authentic self.

As mentioned earlier, being easily offended became a learned response for me. When I looked within me, I discovered the emotions underlying my experiencing were not what I wanted to experience, so I changed my response. It’s about finding peace and maintaining equanimity rather than having our emotional wellbeing hijacked. In these times, there’s a great deal to be offended about and the world will pull us in every direction not of our choosing. Suddenly, we find ourselves caring about issues that really don’t matter to us but seem justified. We need to be purposeful where we direct our attention and not make it an automatic reaction. We ought to examine our thoughts to see whether being offended is serving our personal evolution. As alluded to earlier, silence and self-enquiry are foundational elements to help us deal with the strain of everyday living. We learn to silence the monkey mind which retaliates and responds in anger instead of allowing the emotion to move through us.

With this in mind, is it possible to suspend your judgement the next time you are offended? Instead of reacting, could you allow yourself to interact with what is taking place in your mind-body and allow the emotions to move through you instead of identifying with them? The only way is to try. There may be instances where being offended serves us, however I have yet to come across someone or something who has offended me to the degree I have been angry for hours or days. The more we know ourselves, the more we accept that others aren’t that different to us and we needn’t be offended but turn within to examine the seed of the insult within us. Your call to action in the coming weeks is to look within when you feel offended and examine whether it is serving you? Ask yourself what being offended brings to your life that peace and harmony cannot offer? Journal your thoughts and allow yourself to see through the fog of separation that says they are wrong and you are right. Ultimately, when we’re easily offended, we not only close the door to true understanding but we limit our capacity to evolve in the space of oneness.

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