Tony Fahkry's Blog, page 24

Never Give Up Because If You Do What Is Easy, Your Life Will Be Hard

Explore The Greater Depths Of Your Resiliency

“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.” — Dale Carnegie

Do you want to live an easy life or a difficult one? I know, it’s a worthless question because who wants to live a life filled with pain and suffering? Yet, this is what many people choose every day, whether they are conscious of it or not. I don’t intend to disparage them, however in coaching hundreds of people over the years, many of them unknowingly choose a difficult life because they make easy choices instead of important ones. Considering this, think about the choices you’re making right now and their respective actions. Are they moving you towards growth and freedom or pain and suffering? Easy choices means staying within our comfort zone without exploring our limitations where real growth occurs. Sure, it’s difficult to venture outside our comfort zone because of the psychological and emotional strain. However, if we do what is easy, life will be difficult because our comfort zone does not equate to personal growth to achieve our bigger goals. How does this appeal to you? Is this something you’re willing to explore personally and professionally? I assure you, challenges allow us to delve into the greater depths of our resiliency instead of staying safe.

It’s why we mustn’t give up on our goals or highest ambitions when life gets tough, as it no doubt will. We mustn’t give up because we don’t know how far we will go when we rise above our challenges and obstacles. It is said we achieve our goals by growing into them, therefore growth is proportionate to our self-improvement. Growth takes place in adverse conditions because most people will thrive when conditions are favourable, yet struggle through difficulties. However, life’s conditions are never ideal and so we must show up with total conviction that we will prevail, even if we don’t know how. Most times we will have little knowledge how to proceed because of limited information and the uncertainty of our actions. This mustn’t hold us back because giving up is not the easy way out since we must live with regret and disappointment. In view of this, I’d like you to reflect on a current goal or endeavour you want to give up on. Is this your only choice or have you considered other options? I don’t have the answers because I don’t know you to offer the advice you need. Similarly, I can’t look into a crystal ball and predict the future because neither of us are equipped with psychic powers. But what I can tell you is more often than not, giving up is rarely the answer because if we take the easy way out, we are assured of difficult times ahead. We are likely to miss out on the personal growth that takes place when we expose ourselves to situations beyond our comfort zone.

We Must Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

“Never give up on something that you can’t go a day without thinking about.” — Winston Churchill

Is this making sense to you? Have you experienced times where you stepped out of your comfort zone, whether it be learning a new skill, habit or otherwise? If so, what did you learn from the experience and has it served you? It’s no surprise that life isn’t smooth sailing and if we want to achieve anything of value, we must do things that scare us every once in a while and integrate it into our reality. We must get comfortable being uncomfortable and those who give up too soon find it difficult being uncomfortable, i.e. out of their comfort zone. Sometimes giving up may be necessary, yet in most parts we can learn to channel the skills we gain from our endeavours and use them to pivot in a new direction or develop a greater awareness of our goals. So considering this, I’d like you to write down five advantages and disadvantages of giving up on a project, a dream, a relationship or career? Look at your answers and connect with the underlying motivation behind them. Reflect on why you undertook this goal in the first place and connect with what you hope to gain by giving up. It is only once we are aware of our motives that we can overcome any regret or disappointment. Otherwise, life is likely to be hard because we pursued what is easy instead of what is essential to our growth. And as you know, real growth correlates to bigger and better achievements.

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The Quality Of Your Life Is Not Determined By Doing And Having. It Is Found In The Being

Get To The Root Of What Is Causing Your Pain

“Sense your presence, the naked, unveiled, unclothed beingness. It is untouched by young or old, rich or poor, good or bad, or any other attributes.”— Eckhart Tolle

I want you to think about what is taking place in your life right now. Are your actions driven by the impulse to do or gain something? Allow me to explain. A good deal of our activities relates to doing or gaining something in order to feel good about ourselves. Whether pursuing a goal, the emotions generated because of our achievement provide a sense of satisfaction and fulfilment. I’m not discounting the value of goals, I want you to understand that doing and having is not the aim for your life, it comes from who you are as a person. That is: your actions and possessions are merely the vehicles that allow you to experience the wholeness of yourself.

For example, consider how you feel when you achieve a particular goal? No doubt you experience excitement but the underlying feeling is that of an enhanced self-worth? The feelings we experience make our pursuits worthwhile because it validates our accomplishments. Every action produces an emotional state congruent with whom we want to become. Yet, many of us rush about our lives trying to fill a void so we will be happier. However, if something is lacking within, trying to fill a void with material possessions, a person or a situation is like applying a Band-Aid to a headache. We must get to the root of what is causing our pain and realise that gaining objects is a temporary means of satisfaction. Does this make sense to you? For example, are you pursuing a job promotion or a relationship hoping you will be happier once you attain it?

You wouldn’t be wrong thinking this way because we are convinced that being in a relationship or getting a job promotion improves the quality of our life. But as you recall, those feelings wear off and soon enough we are looking to the next thing to fill the void. To compound this, we run away from our deepest emotions, especially the dark and scary places we are frightened of. By running away, we put on hold parts of our life we must eventually face. So I invite you to reflect on a current situation you know you must deal with? It might be a conversation with your significant other. It might be a discussion with your boss about how you feel undervalued in your role. Whatever it is, connect with the emotions instead of trying to work out how to solve the problem.

Make Time To Come Home To Yourself

“In acceptance, there is a decreased preoccupation with “doingness,” a growing focus on the quality of beingness itself.”— David R. Hawkins

Normally, we needn’t try to solve our problems when they emerge but learn to connect with our deepest selves and understand what is simmering below the surface. Problems arise from a type of thinking and if we can learn to think with an expanded awareness, our problems become opportunities, not something to fix. If we lean in to the difficult emotions, I assure you, a sense of inner peace will show up in your life. This is because you are not trying to fix something but see it through the lens of an expanded awareness. This is what author Peter Francis Dziuban refers to in Simply Notice: Clear Awareness Is the Key To Happiness, Love and Freedom when he writes: “Thinking and emotions are what a personality does. Being purely alive and aware is what Life itself does.”

There is nothing to run away from when we are comfortable in the darkest places within our psyche. Our true nature is one of wholeness, for we are both Yin and Yang, the darkness and the light comprising the whole. How do you feel about this idea? Is it something you’re comfortable integrating into your life? In fact, the doing and having is an extension of being because when you are aligned with your deepest self, all your needs are contained within you, not external to you. So I want you to devote some time this coming week to sit with yourself in silence. It needn’t be a meditation practice, just sit down in silence and be with your thoughts. Listen to them, but don’t associate with them. Let them flow in and out of your mind in an easy and effortless way. To discover the true essence of our being, we ought to make time to come home to ourselves and discover the undercurrent of our feelings that ebb and flow throughout our life. These emotions are the trickle of our soul guiding us towards the most joyous and expansive life we could ever live.

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Your Self-Talk And Mental Picture Determines The Level Of Dedication To Your Actions

Develop A New Consciousness And Awareness

“Relentless, repetitive self-talk is what changes our self-image.”—Denis Waitley

What is the predominant self-talk that takes place in your mind? Is it affirmative or a disempowering voice that tries to convince you the world is a dark and scary place? It’s easy to get pulled into this narrative because the voices are real and so we conclude they must be true. Or are they? I often use an exercise in seminars where I ask participants to tell me what they will think next. I explain, if they identify with their thoughts, surely they must know what their next thought will be. Unless there are psychics in the audience, rarely do people know what their next thought will be until it occurs. The point is: thoughts come and go from our minds and unless we give them meaning, they have little power in and of themselves.

So let’s return to your self-talk. You might be accustomed to listening to the voice in your head, that perhaps you’re no longer aware of the negative thoughts? Yet, that is what we must pay attention to if we want to change our circumstances. It’s said: thoughts become things, meaning everything in the physical universe begins with a thought. The house or the apartment you live in exists because an architect had an idea for the design of the building. Your smartphone, laptop or computer, began its life with a thought. The point I wish to emphasise is: our reality is the result of our thinking, whether it be positive or negative. When negative circumstances show up, they merely shine the light on the truthfulness of our thoughts.

For example, consider a current problem in your life you want to improve. Do you believe there’s a solution you haven’t discovered yet? I’m hoping you will realise that the nature of your problem results from your thinking alone. This doesn’t mean your thinking is flawed, it means you have directed your thoughts, whether conscious or unconscious to something unwanted and it has manifested as a result. Do you agree, if we want a different outcome, we must change our thoughts or at least our perception of the problem? It was Albert Einstein who once said: “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” Put simply: We must develop a new consciousness and awareness in which to perceive our problems from a higher level. The same consciousness cannot solve the problems created with our current level of thinking.

Awareness Shines The Light On Our Thoughts

“The more man meditates upon good thoughts, the better will be his world and the world at large.”—Confucius

How does this relate to your self-talk or mental picture influencing your actions? If we replay the same script and visualise it through the lens of negativity, it must eventually manifest in our life. We agreed earlier that thoughts become things. What we think about and give our attention to, must it show up in our reality? I’m not talking about the law of attraction but universal laws that govern the framework of reality. The Hermetic aphorism states: “As within so without.” Meaning, what happens at the level of thoughts is reflected in our reality. When we combine self-talk with a mental picture, we add colour to what appears in our life. We define it and give it energy, irrespective of whether it is a negative thought or a positive one. This is an idea the motivational psychologist and author Dr. Shad Helmstetter emphasises in What To Say When You Talk To Your Self when he says: “Self-Talk is a way to override our past negative programming by erasing or replacing it with conscious, positive new directions. Self-Talk is a practical way to live our lives by active intent rather than by passive acceptance.”

People often ask: Does it mean I need to be attentive to every thought? No, since that requires a lot of mental energy best devoted to other things. The key is to observe our thoughts with an expanded awareness instead of remaining unconscious to them. Awareness is the key that unlocks us from the prison of negativity and self-destruction. It is the key to inner peace and freedom because it is the filter for our thoughts. Awareness shines the light on the congruency of our thoughts. If we wish to change our external conditions, being aware of what we think is the first step. I often use the example of a ship changing course midway through its journey in the ocean. First, the captain must change course and map new coordinates and relay this information to his crew. The same is true of ourselves: our awareness shines the light on our inner self-talk and mental picture. If we wish to change our future, it must begin by observing our mind and becoming conscious of our unconscious thoughts. It is only then, the level of dedication to our actions become congruent with a shift in awareness.

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If You’re Willing To Handle The Setbacks, You Needn’t Be Concerned With The Defeat

The Bigger The Goal, The Greater The Setbacks

“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” — Winston Churchill

The scale of your setbacks matters little, as long as you continue taking action towards your goals. How does this idea appeal to you? Are you willing to endure failure and defeat to achieve your goals? Your answer will reveal what you’re willing to accept to accomplish them. If our goals are imbued with a strong purpose, setbacks mustn’t be seen as detrimental to our success, but part of the process. Our capacity to handle setbacks means we will either interpret it as a defeat or a learning point to achieve our goals. The degree to which we tolerate setbacks is proportionate to our willingness to overcome them and take consistent action to achieve our outcomes.

Think about your current goals. Have you experienced setbacks in recent times? How did you overcome them? Setbacks can teach us a lot about ourselves because they reveal our character strengths and renew our commitment to our goals. This is because we become more efficient pursuing actions aligned with our highest intent, instead of wasting time on insignificant tasks. Setbacks help us develop determination to embark upon our goals. It’s no surprise, the bigger the goal the greater the setbacks. This is attributed to the learning curve and processes required to achieve anything of value. We mustn’t obsess over our defeats, but learn the lessons embedded in the experiences. This is the message espoused by Dr. Alex Lickerman who writes in The Undefeated Mind: On the Science of Constructing an Indestructible Self of the need to develop an undefeated mind in the face of adversity: “Even when we can’t find a smile to save us, even when we’re tired beyond all endurance, possessing an undefeated mind means never forgetting that defeat comes not from failing but from giving up. An undefeated mind doesn’t fill itself with false hope, but with hopes to find real solutions, even solutions it may not want or like.”

Don’t Wish It Was Easier, Wish You Were Better

“How many people are completely successful in every department of life? Not one. The most successful people are the ones who learn from their mistakes and turn their failures into opportunities.” — Zig Ziglar

I don’t know about you, but I’ve encountered countless setbacks over the years, personally and professionally. It affected me at first since I associated defeat with my self-esteem. Nevertheless, after countless setbacks, I stopped caring about losing and focused on learning. I developed a Growth Mindset over a Fixed Mindset as the Professor of Psychology, Carol Dweck teaches in her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Have you experienced this before, whereby you hit rock bottom and stop caring about failing? It was during this time, I noticed a shift in consciousness and I saw positive results in my life because of this shift. I realised my setbacks were not indicative of my character, but part of the process to achieve my goals. I must state I didn’t stop caring about my goals or the outcome, in fact I cared more than before. However, my failures and setbacks allowed me to develop an insatiable hunger towards my goals and therefore work proficiently to achieve them.

Can you associate with the growth that comes from setbacks? Conversely, how do you deal with defeat? Does it affect your self-esteem or give you more hunger to go after your goals? What we experience in the face of our setbacks determines how we assault our goals and highest ambitions. Setbacks can be hidden blessings since they develop our strengths and expose our weaknesses. This helps us to sharpen the saw of our resiliency, for it was the late American motivational speaker Jim Rohn who once said: “Don’t wish it was easier, wish you were better. Don’t wish for less problems wish for more skills. Don’t wish for less challenge wish for more wisdom.” He was making the case that wishing away our problems does little to help us overcome them. We mustn’t retreat from our difficulties but grow in confidence to conquer them each time. Therefore, our willingness to embrace setbacks is equal to our capacity to endure defeat. It is said we fail our way to success. This is the premise of what the former Prime Minister of England, Winston Churchill meant when he said: “Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” He knew setbacks were part of life and we mustn’t let them affect our motivation and enthusiasm, but use them to fuel our efforts.

Are you getting a sense that your setbacks can be used to your advantage instead of seeing them through the eyes of defeat? There is nothing to lose as long as you remain resolute towards your goals. Every action yields an outcome and our success is built upon the actions that follow. If we give up because of failure or a loss of enthusiasm, we miss the opportunity to build on our earlier efforts. Think of links in a chain whereby each one depends on the other to hold it together. As long as we keep moving towards our goals, we are bound to reach them or grow significantly as a result, even if we miss the mark. Giving up awards us nothing other than regret and frustration, which is relieved by being unconcerned with defeat. So I ask you: what are you putting off now that demands your attention? How can you take an existing goal or project and inject them with enthusiasm and a new mindset? After all, the measure of your setbacks will be insignificant if you’re willing to endure the tale of defeat.

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Why Everything Works Out Exactly As It Should When You Embrace Uncertainty In Your Life

Lean In To Your Fears and Insecurities

“When you become comfortable with uncertainty, Infinite Possibilities open up in your life.” — Eckhart Tolle

There’s a Chinese proverb which reads: “If you want to know your past, look into your present conditions. If you want to know your future, look into your present actions.” Life is filled with uncertainty and we rarely have a precise picture of what lies ahead. It is natural to assume we’re in control of our life, yet there’s also an element of uncertainty because the seeds of opportunity lie in the unexpected. At a deeper level, we fear uncertainty because we lack the life skills to navigate our way through it. Known as a negativity bias, it is a mental predisposition to ruminate on negative information while neglecting the positive. The security we crave can often be an illusion that provides a false sense of safety. As a result, our mind looks to our external environment to reinforce a sense of balance. Can you relate to this scenario in your life? For example, what is your relationship with uncertainty? Do you crave security and control? Your answer is neither right nor wrong, though we must know our predominant constitution if we’re to cooperate with the forces of life.

To believe we’re in command of our life can be both a blessing and curse. In one way it affirms our sense of safety, while on the other it is misleading because we have limited control, if any. It’s no surprise the mind is notorious for exaggerating events more than they appear. In psychology it is referred to as catastrophising: the inherent bias to perceive events within a negative context. So, how can we embrace the unexpected without falling victim to the negative emotions that accompany it? To embrace uncertainty requires a change in perspective. We must yield to life, not oppose it. This doesn’t imply resignation or apathy as many people believe. It means having trust and faith that life will work itself out if we allow the events to play out. However uncomfortable, we learn to lean in to our fears and insecurities but not run away from them. Running away from fear is bound to catch up to us with an overwhelming force. Yet, inhabiting our body when anxiety arises and choosing a proper time to examine the anxiety is a better antidote for overcoming fear. For example, have you experienced similar anxiety in the past? If so, are you repeating these feelings instead of dealing with them? Fear can be a confronting emotion, yet we gain the self-assurance when we embrace it as a useful emotion.

Uncertainty Helps You Re-Evaluate The Past

“Faith means living with uncertainty—feeling your way through life, letting your heart guide you like a lantern in the dark.” — Dan Millman

We can turn down the volume on fear by being exposed to it a little each time. We don’t have to be at its mercy when it emerges. Sometimes we are consumed by the fear itself which clouds our judgement and is the root cause of our problems. Uncertainty is an inner knowing that everything will turn out exactly as it should, not as we hope for. We can still accept our life’s circumstances even if things don’t work out as planned. This strengthens our commitment to abide with the natural order of life, instead of opposing it simply because it doesn’t match our mental image. We ought to be comfortable with uncertainty because it exists and we mustn’t retreat from it but expose ourselves a little each time. It was the Roman Emperor, Marcus Aurelius who once declared: “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” The key is to find a balance between uncertainty and maintaining control without manipulating the outcome. I think this is a key distinction: welcoming uncertainty while maintaining some measure of control. We learn to let go of tension, anxiety and fear and embrace the unknown.

Uncertainty helps us to re-evaluate the past and make new choices in light of what transpires. It presents opportunities to create a compelling future based on new information. Often, the most ambitious plans emerge through the obscuring veil of uncertainty. Have you seen evidence of this in your life? For example, the chance encounter of a person who later becomes your significant other, or an unexpected disaster that turns out to be a blessing in disguise? These are examples of co-operating with the unseen forces of uncertainty in our lives. Therefore, we learn to welcome curiosity and excitement and slowly become more comfortable with it. Similarly, we ought to be mindful of our present actions as it relates to uncertainty. This means being mindful of our motives instead of being unconscious to them. Being intentional and purposeful allows us to plant the seeds of inspired change instead of fearing the unexpected. In doing so, we move toward the unfamiliar with a firm ambition to resolve the past.

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To Prepare Yourself For A Better Tomorrow, Do All You Can To Be Your Best Today

The Aggregation Of Small Habits Leads To Greatness

“Always do your best. What you plant now, you will harvest later.” — Og Mandino

Do you realise your best is yet to come? How do you feel when you read that statement? Do you think: “My best is behind me”? But what if you don’t know what you’re capable of unless you continue to move forward towards your goals and dreams? Let me give you an example. When Michael Jordan failed making his high school basketball team, do you think his career was over? Perhaps he thought so at the time because not making the team might have seemed like the end of the road for him, but it wasn’t. It was the beginning of his career as one of the greatest basketballers of all time. Why? Jordan loved to play basketball and spent hours practicing and fine tuning his skills. The setbacks and defeats he experienced were part of the process to achieve greatness. They were inflection points in his career and why your best is yet to come, as long as you continue moving towards your goals. Warning: you must believe your best is still to come and keep taking the right course of action.

Your best will come from your habits, practice, growth, setbacks, victories and knowledge gained over the years. To prepare for a better tomorrow, we must commit to the tasks of today that lay the foundation for tomorrow. Nothing good can come of delaying that which we must attend to now. Whilst many of our daily tasks or habits can be tedious and time-consuming, with the right mindset they will transform our efforts into achievement. We must do our best whatever that looks like, knowing the aggregation of small habits leads to greatness. This is the essence of what motivational author and speaker Brendon Burchard refers to in High Performance Habits: How Extraordinary People Become That Way where he writes: “Being on your A game means that you are giving your best effort with full focus on the singular task at hand. To get it, you need to stoke the internal and external demands of necessity. Specifically, you assume the identity of a high performer and you set up situations that require full immersion.” How does this idea appeal to you? Is this something you’re prepared to invest in or are you already taking inspired action in your life? Whatever the case, investing in ourselves means committing to that which makes our hopes and dreams come alive.

Focus On Priorities That Make You Come Alive

“Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.” — Don Miguel Ruiz

We are the vessel upon which our tomorrow is created or conversely, one in which we will live with regret. Either way, regret is nothing more than ineffective action because we have squandered our time on things that don’t matter. To be your best today, requires bringing your whole self to every situation. What do I mean by whole self? I mean the entirety of your being, including your mind, body and spirit. The person who brings their whole self to their task is inspired by a greater purpose for their life. A person who brings their whole self to their undertakings unites with their deeper intent, so each action is purposefully guided and emanates from passion and direct intention. We are the habits of our yesterdays and the victors of our tomorrows. What we plant in our mind and sow into our hearts becomes the seeds of greatness tomorrow.

So what are you committed to? What actions are delivering you tangible results? We must be clear whether our labour compels us to move forward or keeps us stationary. Stagnancy is a misdirected purpose in the form of resistance because we are frightened by the success of tomorrow. Yet, this is the purpose of daily actions and habits: to sharpen the saw as the late Dr. Stephen Covey wrote in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It is the opportunity to refine, review and reward ourselves for actions we undertake that bring our hopes and dreams alive.

Nothing good can come of setting aside that which can be completed now because what we put off for tomorrow compounds and soon enough we face yet another fear. Our task is to minimise fear from our lives, so we can focus on our highest objectives through purposeful action. We ought to pursue things that make us come alive, not make us feel weary and uninspired. We must do away with commitments and obligations that hinder our progress or better still, delegate them to others so we can focus on that which makes us come alive. We must bring forth the song within our heart because this is the song that touches those whom associate with our work. So I ask you: what are you putting off today that may inhibit your tomorrow? Can you commit to the smallest task, even when you feel less inclined to? Without doubt, if we are inspired by some greater purpose, then the smaller tasks will fuel our actions because a better tomorrow is possible when we commit to be our best today.

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Why Learning To Trust Your Intuition Is The Key To Inspired Living

Intuition Is A Real Force

“Cease trying to work everything out with your minds. It will get you nowhere. Live by intuition and inspiration and let your whole life be Revelation.” — Eileen Caddy

Have you ever been compelled to do something on a particular occasion without knowing why? Do you ever get the impulse to call a friend and find out they need support at the time? If you sensed an inner voice prompting you that is your intuition. It is not a physical entity but a timeless force that is gentle and subtle which whispers and does not scream or plead with us. As we go about our day, our intuition speaks in subtle hints. To perceive it, we must keep a peaceful demeanour and thoughtfully listen to the voice within. Intuition is spontaneous. We can access intuition any time and often unexpectedly. We could be in the middle of a conversation with a co-worker and our intuition advises us they are burdened with a problem. This may prompt us to ask what is bothering them and open the door for a compassionate communication. Consider the words of spiritual author and my mentor Dennis Merritt Jones who writes in Your Redefining Moments: Becoming Who You Were Born to Be: “Accessing your intuitive guidance really does require you to enter the “wilderness” of that quiet place within you where no one else can follow. Your intuition is the very still voice arising from the authentic self.”

Intuition Is Associated More With Right Brain

“Intuition will tell the thinking mind where to look next.” — Jonas Salk

Intuition is a real energy that guides and directs us if we are attentive. We can become in tune to this guidance if we take the time to recognise it. With intuition there is no striving or feelings of urgency. If we are pressed, rushed or anxious, it is not the fault of intuition but rather our over active thoughts. It is believed the left side of the brain is responsible for analytical thought while the right brain is connected with imagination and creativity. Our intuition plays its role through the right brain, impressing images in the mind’s eye. Meditation and visualisation helps us tune in to our intuition and access the right side of the brain. Therefore, we ought to find time daily to be in silence to visualise and allow our intuition to show us impressions and listen as it speaks. How do you feel about this? I realise it is difficult to do during a working day, but carving out time whether first thing in the morning or last thing at night is a good practice to awaken your inner wisdom.

Whether we appreciate the outcomes of our intuition, it is always working for us. Similar to a language, the more we learn to understand its finer points the more we use it. We are a spiritual beings having a physical experience and intuition is always available to us. It is easy to forget the spiritual aspects of life and get caught up in the physical world. Go to work, come home, cook dinner, do the chores, etc. — it can become busy. Busyness diminishes the ability to perceive intuition. It is why we should take time each day to do nothing. Even 15 minutes is enough to retreat to a quiet place with no phone, no computer, no television, and no people. This time is devoted to our mental and emotional well-being. Use it to sit still and reconnect with yourself and observe the sound of nothingness. Move your attention away from your thoughts and to your body. Take a few deep breaths and relax. Let the worries and concerns melt away, since there is nowhere to go and nothing to do, other than to come home to yourself.

It makes sense to listen to our core self since our authentic self wants to connect with us. It never leaves our side, yet it is drowned out by the incessant thoughts dominated by the rational mind. All that is required is to notice our thoughts and be with them no matter how intense. Don’t judge them, just sit with them as you would a friend in need of attention. Similarly, being aware of your dreams can offer you clues about your waking life via: a feeling, an impulse or a key symbol. Do the images or symbols reappear throughout subsequent dreams? What messages do they contain about your waking life? Make the time you spend alone sacred because through this simple practice, you will begin to experience life differently. You may find yourself more relaxed and happy. You may experience your emotional wellbeing is enriched, the possibilities are endless if you take the time to honour the wisdom within. Intuition is ready to be a part of your life through inspired living. It will encourage you to grow emotionally, mentally, and physically because you are invested in the person who matters most. You may be led to a book that will revolutionise your business, a person who offers to mentor you, or a job opportunity you’ve dreamed of. Your intuition wants you to have a rewarding life but you must first collaborate and speak its language. Let today be the day you commit to taking more time to listen to your intuition. Allow it to influence your life in every way and it will be the gentle companion you come to call on more often.

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It Is When You Focus On Small Continuous Improvements That You Cultivate Your Greatness

Small Continuous Improvements

“Perfection is not attainable. But if we chase perfection, we can catch excellence.”—Vince Lombardi

The smallest step towards your goals can lead to your greatest breakthroughs. Yes, I realise you’ve heard this message before, however have you ever contemplated its significance? We all want to achieve our goals and highest aspirations, that’s why you’re reading this article. But few are willing to put in the work and hours to realise success. Only a few will sacrifice their time and energy for weeks, months and sometimes decades to achieve their vision. How about you? Where do you stand in the grand scheme of things? Have you been labouring away at a goal for a while? Have you experienced any breakthroughs or is it still a work in progress? Don’t despair if you haven’t achieved the success you desire; it doesn’t mean it’s not coming together.

Cultivating greatness involves attending to the smallest details that may show little results initially because they are foundations that lead to the realisation of our goals. Let’s face it, the smallest tasks can be laborious and tedious at the best of times. Mostly, they are tasks that must be attended to daily, yet many find excuses to skip over them because of the boredom involved. How do you feel about this? Are there tasks you dislike doing, yet know they must be done because they contribute to your goals? It is what author Robert Maurer refers to in One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way as looking for solutions in uncomfortable places: “When life gets scary and difficult, we tend to look for solutions in places where it is easy or at least familiar to do so, and not in the dark, uncomfortable places where real solutions might lie.”

Small continuous improvements lead to achievement because just like the compound effect, if we focus on real improvements and constant practice, the success we yearn for may be closer than we think. Now, let me clarify what I mean by success in this context. Success denotes achieving a desirable outcome related to a goal or effort and may not result in an intentional victory. It is what the Stanford Professor of psychology Carol Dweck refers to in her acclaimed book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success as a Growth Mindset vs a Fixed Mindset. I’m certain you’re familiar with the concept so I won’t go into much detail other than to say, when we have a Growth Mindset, our focus turns to continuous improvement and excellence. These are the building blocks to success as long as we assess and refine our practices to achieve our desired outcome. Similarly, undesirable outcomes may also be beneficial providing we learn from them. You no doubt know how the Post-It Note came to be invented? Through a series of accidents, Dr. Spencer Silver, a chemist at 3M was trying to invent a strong adhesive, but instead came up with a weak one which became the Post-It Note as we know it.

Be Purposeful And Clear In Your Intentions

“Continuous improvement requires systematic evaluation. Continuous improvement requires unfiltered evaluation.”—Anonymous

In a similar vein, the Japanese are well known for a method called the Kaizen approach which involves small, continuous and incremental improvements to achieve a desired outcome. It involves a process of iterations like many software companies and apps undergo today. If we improve at 1% a day, consider the result of that improvement over 12 months. Few people focus on small improvements because as alluded to earlier, it can be tedious, and it rarely delivers immediate results. This same process works in just about every area of our life, particularly our health and well-being. For example, when was the last time you set out to lose weight and became discouraged by the third or fourth week? Most people abandon their health campaign at this point preferring to find an easier way that delivers immediate results. But as you know, immediate results don’t translate to long term efficacy. Author Robert Maurer reminds us once more that the Kaizen principle is not something to be forgotten, but used often in our daily tasks: “Try to see Kaizen as a process that is never done. Don’t put it in a drawer, forgotten, once your goal has been reached. Kaizen invites us to see life as an opportunity for continuous improvement, for ever-higher standards and expanding potential.”

If we want to cultivate greatness, we must focus on activities that deliver results and sometimes these can be tedious tasks, which explains why many people abandon them. If we set out to pursue a goal, then gradual and continuous improvements is something we must take into account, even if we cannot see the signs of success early in the piece. The goal is much too important to leave to chance and so we must give it life by attending to the smallest tasks. Equally, we ought to focus on the personal growth that takes place within us while pursuing our goals. Success is of little value if we have worked hard to achieve it and are unfulfilled once attained. So be purposeful in your intentions towards your goals. If you work towards it with a concerted effort, success may be closer than you think.

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Why The Greatest Mistake Is To Believe We Are Powerless And Without A Choice

Cultivate Our Power Through Informed Choices

“When you do nothing you feel overwhelmed and powerless. But when you get involved you feel the sense of hope and accomplishment that comes from knowing you are working to make things better.”—Maya Angelou

Do you believe you have the power to influence your life? Or do you consider yourself dragged along by life’s forces? This is an important question because your beliefs will dictate how your life plays out. For instance, I was talking with a friend recently who mentioned how they’ve never made a conscious choice about the direction of their life. They were merely showing up every day hoping life plays out in their favour. What struck me about the conversation is that many people are convinced they are powerless to create their life circumstances, preferring to leave it to chance. That is, they have not learned how to consciously create ideal conditions for their life. Similarly, many consider life is separate to them and that irrespective of their choices, things don’t always work out as planned. I find this interesting because it highlights the power of our beliefs.

Our greatest mistake is to believe we are powerless and without choices. This may be attributed to the thought that life happens to us, instead of expressing itself through us. This is the message espoused by the transformational thinker and philosopher Alex Pattakos who writes in Prisoners of Our Thoughts: Viktor Frankl’s Principles for Discovering Meaning in Life and Work: “By viewing ourselves as relatively powerless and driven by instinct, the possibility that we can create, or at least co-create, our own reality becomes difficult to grasp. Instead, we often lock ourselves inside our own mental prisons. We lose sight of our own natural potential and that of others. In essence, we become prisoners of our thoughts.” Granted, in some respects we may be powerless and with little control over aspects of our lives such as our birth and death. Putting that aside, there’s a great deal we have control over and it is incumbent on us to cultivate this power through informed choices.

How do you feel about this? Do you believe your choices decide your future? Or are you inclined to believe that you never get what you wish for and there’s no use trying? Our beliefs create the canvas of our life because they influence our actions and whether we create life on our terms. Despite this, life is not a game of poker where we roll the dice and hope for the best. Sure, sometimes we have no control over our destiny such as the death of an individual through illness or tragic circumstances. For the large part and barring unforeseen events, we are never as powerless as we think. These are thoughts we have given life to and found evidence to support. But what if we challenge our beliefs and create new ways to perceive them? What if we upgraded our model of reality to coincide with the life we want to live?

Contemplate Our True Desires

“The deep root of failure in our lives is to think, ‘Oh how useless and powerless I am.’ It is essential to think strongly and forcefully, ‘I can do it,’ without boasting or fretting.”—Dalai Lama

One of my favourite past times is engaging in daydreaming. I daydream often and conjure up the most elaborate circumstances related to areas of my life. The power of daydreaming allows us to test the waters of our thoughts before they become a reality. Daydreaming is a whiteboard for the mind where we get to create anything we want to before it comes to life. Is this something you’ve tried before? Using your mind’s faculty to shape your future is one way to reclaim your power because it allows you to fine tune the image in your mind before it shows up in your reality. It is the alternative medicine advocate Deepak Chopra who once said: “Daydream, imagine, and reflect. It’s the source of infinite creativity.” Daydreaming allows us to compose our future in innumerable dimensions. It is a wonderful process that engages our emotions and draws on physiological responses in the body to what is held in the mind. Therefore, our body gives us clues on the truthfulness of our daydreams and whether they are something worth pursuing.

Even if you don’t daydream, to believe you are powerless and without choices is an error in thinking and something that must be attended to. If we are not living the life we envisaged, it may be related to self-doubt which is within our power to change. Let’s be real, not all of our choices will work out as we plan and that’s okay. Failure and setbacks may be life’s way of giving us signs whether our endeavours are aligned with our greater good. If we want to make optimal choices, it pays that we spend time quietly to contemplate our true desires. Life passes us by at the drop of a hat and if we are constantly reacting to outside events, we miss out on the vital clues pointing us to the life we dare to live. So make it your obligation to devote time to yourself and get to know your true desires and why they are important to you. Only then will you create a life you are destined to live.

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In The Final Analysis, All We Really Have Is Each Other

Stressed About Little Things That Really Don’t Matter

“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.”—Lao Tzu

It is not the size of our bank account, nor our status or achievements that matter in the end. What truly matters are our relationships and the lives we touch along the way. Material possessions are vehicles to help us fulfil our life’s purpose, they should not become our life story, since we are likely to be disappointed if we lose them or cease to identify with them. When everything is stripped away, all that is left is our connections with each other. It is our relationships that define how well we have lived. How does this idea appeal to you? Do you value the relationships in your life or take them for granted? We ought to be grateful for them because to assume they will always be there is the greatest folly we can make.

Last week, I lost a dear friend to a debilitating illness that plagued him for much of his life. I’ve known him since childhood and sadly he passed away at a very young age. The news of his death saddened me and I still cannot believe he’s gone. It’s odd because I find myself thinking about the simple things following his passing, like his phone number stored on my phone which I can’t bring myself to look at. I’m trying to make sense of his loss and appreciate how the wounds are still fresh. When I heard of his passing, the words in the title of the article instantly came to mind. Everything we aspire to have or become in life matters little in the final analysis because it’s rarely mentioned at our eulogy.

Knowing this, why do we pursue things of little significance? Why are we so stressed about things that matter little, especially when we won’t be remembered for them? For many, there’s a preoccupation chasing material objects, symbols and status when few will remember them for their achievements. Relationships are foundational because our connections define who we are. In the long run, it is who we become that highlights whether we’ve lived from the level of the soul or the ego. The ego always wants more and is never fulfilled. It constantly tries to satisfy its needs through the desire to be, do or have. The soul on the other hand doesn’t have these needs, all it asks is that we abide by its true nature and follow our heart. The soul’s obligation is vested in love, purity, joy and bliss; this is what makes the soul come alive. It is what the Jungian Analyst James Hollis, Ph.D. means when he writes in What Matters Most: Living a More Considered Life: “We do not serve our children, our friends and partners, our society by living partial lives, and being secretly depressed and resentful. We serve the world by finding what feeds us, and, having been fed, then share our gift with others.”

Show Your Appreciation To Those You Love

“Those who love others grandly are those who love themselves grandly. Those who have a high toleration and acceptance of others are those who have a high toleration and acceptance of themselves. You cannot show another a part of you that you cannot show yourself.”—Neale Donald Walsch

Does this makes sense to you that there’s a better way to live instead of being controlled by your egoic needs? Are you willing to let go of what you think will make you happy in order to live from the level of the soul? I assure you living this way will bring you great joy beyond anything found in material objects. When we live this way we are awakened to the truth of our existence. Soulful living nourishes our whole self: the mind, body and spirit and is the pathway to a rich and bountiful life. In contrast, chasing things and status satisfies only the mind and body temporarily and does little to nurture our soul. I must be clear and state this doesn’t mean we mustn’t gain material things that we enjoy. What I’m talking about is chasing material objects believing they are the only source of our happiness. Material items offer us temporary satisfaction until the next thing comes along. In contrast, friendships, family and true connections keep on giving. The value of human connections is something money cannot buy and what really matters are those who will remember us for the times we spent together.

Let’s not take our relationships for granted. We mustn’t think they will always be there since life can change in the blink of an eye. Tell those you love how much they mean to you. Do it randomly with no expectations because it is the feelings that arise within you that mean the most. Show your appreciation to those you love and cherish how they enrich your life. Let’s be honest, not all relationships are a bed of roses and that’s okay because the contrasting states we experience compels us to learn more about ourselves than if the relationship were smooth sailing. Relationship challenges shine a light on our disowned selves. So make it your mission to express love and appreciation often. For there may come a time when you wish you could have told them how much you loved them. It may be too late by then if you don’t value the relationship while they’re still present.

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