Tony Fahkry's Blog, page 27

Why Those With A Troubled Past Find A Way To Create An Amazing Future

Understanding The Nature Of Pain

“We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.”—George Bernard Shaw

A troubled past is not a sentence for a deprived future. Our wounds can often be used to create a remarkable future if we perceive them through the lens of compassion and forgiveness. Everybody has experienced pain and troubles in their life, however we mustn’t stay mired in our problems but use them as insights to better understand ourselves. Our troubles do not mean we are flawed or lacking as many are led to believe. If we buy into this narrative, we are convinced what transpired is detrimental to our future. Our wounds are pivotal turning points which can reveal a greater depth of our human nature. They are helpful for better understanding pain and suffering so as to integrate them into our being.

I am drawn to Dr. Alex Lickerman’s perspective who writes in The Undefeated Mind: On the Science of Constructing an Indestructible Self of the need to change the narrative of the past by witnessing it through the eyes of survivorship instead of victimhood: “Another way we might be able to improve our ability to manage pain is by retelling ourselves stories of previous painful experiences from a different perspective: not with a focus on the intensity of the pain we felt but on the fact we survived it. For if we survived a terrible episode of pain in the past, we can survive a similar episode of it in the present.”

You are no more flawed by what took place than an oak tree that has weathered the storm over time. In fact, if you were to get up close you would realise how strong and resilient the tree is despite the forces of nature enacted upon it. Yet, it still stands tall because what doesn’t break it allows it to grow in strength. The same principle is as apparent in our lives: what doesn’t destroy us, advances us more than we realise. A troubled past can be a blessing that gives us clues to our purpose and destiny. Our scars are our battle wounds and should not be looked upon with shame but with courage knowing we faced our battles and emerged stronger. A troubled past is a gateway to strengthening our resolve and commitment to a better future.

Our Past Needn’t Keep Us Stuck

“There is a fine balance between honouring the past and losing yourself in it. For example, you can acknowledge and learn from mistakes you made, and then move on and refocus on the now. It is called forgiving yourself.”—Eckhart Tolle

I experienced difficulties in my youth. I rebelled against authority figures like my father, whose parenting style didn’t suit me. I channelled my rebellious energy toward creative pursuits like painting murals on walls near train lines, so passengers travelling to work could see them. Thankfully, this phase of my life was short-lived and I grew out of it eventually. Upon reflection, this period served as a time to express my creativity, albeit in a nonconventional way. It was years later I was accepted into a Bachelor of Arts program to study Fashion Design at a prominent design school. Think about the periods of your own life where you may have rebelled. Do you look back and see how it now served you?

From my parent’s viewpoint, I was a troubled youth partaking in dangerous and meaningless acts, while I considered it a period of self-expression. Decade’s later here I am writing articles and books and helping people awaken their greatest potential because I dared to tap into my creative abilities. Whilst my story pales into insignificance compared to those who endured more troubling times, it shows how our past needn’t keep us stuck but help advance us. Our wounds show we have danced with life and emerged victorious. Recall Dr. Lickerman’s earlier quote where he invites us to see our troubles through the lens of a survivor instead of a victim? They are a reminder that life is continuously evolving and we mustn’t hang our hats on what transpired but use it as a basis for better things to come.

Life can lead you in different directions and as the narrator and director you get to choose which path to follow. Leading on from my earlier question, how have your experiences shaped your present-day circumstances? Do you consider the past with regret and shame? Whilst this may be normal, if we’re to appreciate the underlying lessons contained within our experiences, we can rewrite the future with a compelling narrative. We needn’t anchor our boats to the past but allow it to sail into the open waters. Just as a boat creates a wake in its trail, it does so behind it not in front, which means our future is open to being written with a clean slate, if we will look upon our wounds with openness and compassion.

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To Find The Answers, You Must Become Your Own Authority Instead Of Looking Outside Of You

When Human Beings Were Gods

“When we have begun to take charge of our lives, to own ourselves, there is no longer any need to ask permission of someone.” — George O’Neil

There’s a tale told by the late Anthony de Mello which underlines the message that truth is found within us and not in someone’s teachings.

To a visitor who asked to become his disciple the Master said, “You may live with me but don’t become my follower.”

“Whom then shall I follow?”

“No one. The day you follow someone you cease to follow truth.”

We must avoid following other people blindly, mainly because everyone is searching for answers of their own. A teacher can take you so far while your inner wisdom has access to absolute intelligence. No one is infallible, by virtue of our human existence we are prone to mistakes, and the enlightened among us are no different. Occasionally, you might come across a quotation in a book or overhear a line in a film that resonates with you. Explore this further and be curious of the underlying message behind it. Has this happened to you before? I experience these occurrences frequently.

Truth reveals itself through self-exploration. Occasionally, the answers we seek appear at inopportune moments. Therefore, we must welcome these insights for they hold significant clues to our life’s journey. I’m reminded of the tale when human beings were gods and abused their wisdom. So God took it away from them and hid it where it could never be found. Where to hide it was the question. God called a council of chief gods to help him decide. “Let’s bury it deep in the earth,” said the chief gods. God responded, “No, that will not do because humans will dig into the earth and find it.”

Then the gods said, “Let’s sink it in the deepest ocean.” Again God responded, “No, not there, for they will learn to dive into the ocean and will find it.”  “Let’s take it to the top of the highest mountain and hide it there.” But once again God replied, “No that will not do, because they will eventually climb every mountain to reclaim their wisdom.” Then the gods gave up and said, “We don’t know where to hide it, because there’s no place on earth or the sea that humans will not reach.” God thought for a long time and replied, “Here’s what we’ll do. We will hide their wisdom deep in the centre of their own being, for humans will never think to look there.” All the gods agreed this was the perfect hiding place, and the deed was done. Since that time humans have roamed the earth: digging, diving, climbing and exploring, searching for something contained within themselves.

Develop Trust In Ourselves

“No one and nothing outside of you can give you salvation, or free you from the misery. You have to light your own lamp. You have to know the miniature universe that you yourself are.” — Banani Ray

Wisdom is available to us and we needn’t look for it in some ancient texts. The key, is to be silent enough so we can tune in to the inner counsel that communicates to us. It was the Buddha who cautioned following other people’s teachings centuries ago when he said: “Do not give up your authority and follow blindly the will of others. This way will lead to only delusion.” We must own our mistakes however painful, for they hold clues to the realisation of the truth.

I appreciate the passage from teacher and author Mary O’Malley in What’s in the Way Is the Way in which she talks about how the truth corresponds to the level of the questions we pose: “Truth walks toward us on the paths of our questions. In other words, when you ask a question without looking for an answer, you create an opening where truth can speak to you.” The greatest adventure we will embark upon is to discover our truth and live it to the best of our ability. I relate it to finding the correct frequency on a radio. We might dial one way and miss the reception entirely, then dial the other way and land on the correct frequency. Can you identify with finding your own truth? Have there been circumstances where your truth conflicted with loved ones, yet you stuck to your guns?

Our life’s passage is a fleeting moment in eternity and what often appears as the wrong turn is often life unfolding as it should. We must be wary of handing over our authority to another since they may disappoint us. This is clear in relationships where one partner delegates their happiness or emotional wellbeing to the other, only to realise they were deceived. If we assign our faith in others, we suffer because few people will live up to our expectations. This kills many a relationship because we believe we are owed something. People will let us down when their truth does not align with ours.

To find the answers, we ought to connect with our inner spirit since it reveals itself through us. If we’re constantly besieged by noise, the voice within us is drowned out. Often, the answers we seek will appear as an inner knowing, intuition or as messages or symbols. We must let go of worry which is not as easy as it sounds. This is because we live in a world overshadowed by news events that occupy our attention. Our brains are alerted to imminent fear because we sympathise with news stories, instead of turning our attention to our inner wisdom.

Similarly, it pays to trust our intuition because in doing so, we will have discovered the keys to life. Author Penney Peirce affirms this idea when she writes: “Common truth signals include tingling or chills, bubbling warmth, leaning toward something, feelings of expansion and energy rising in the body. Perhaps you feel something click into place or “ring” true.” We must trust ourselves more often, which I realise can be difficult at first, however self-trust is the basis to self-fulfilment. Key lessons are normally contained within our life’s events and they should not be interpreted as random happenstance, but used to align ourselves with our noblest truth.

As a final point, to create space for wisdom to reveal itself through us is important by clearing clutter from our life like: unwanted material possessions, disempowering thoughts, harmful relationships and unfulfilled career opportunities. Simplifying life helps us to let go of unnecessary complications and concentrate on what is meaningful to us. As the Master said to the visitor, to follow someone is to deny our own wisdom, contained within your rich supply of knowing.

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Why Your Deepest Feelings Have A Way Of Revealing Themselves Through Moments Of Silence

Understand Your True Nature

“Just because you can’t express your feelings it doesn’t mean they’re not deep.” ― John Fowles

When did you last get in touch with your deepest feelings without the chaos of life dictating you? We seldom notice our deepest feelings when we’re consumed by chaos or raging thoughts. Yet, this is what many people experience because we’ve become accustomed to distractions and find it difficult to be in silence. I say this based on the many hundreds of people I’ve worked with over the past decade who echo this sentiment and look for ways to connect with their deeper self.

Our deepest feelings reveal a lot about us, but we must get quiet enough to discern the silent inner voice that speaks through impulses and sensations. Mindfulness and meditation practices have become popular in recent times because they help us quiet the muddied waters of an overactive mind. Now more than ever, it is important we carve out time to sit in silence and connect with ourselves without electronic devices vying for our attention.

Sure I understand, retreating into silence means giving up time spent doing something else. Yet, what is more important than coming home to yourself and understanding your true nature? Skimming through Instagram feeds, checking our Facebook updates or watching cute cat videos on YouTube? This is not entertainment but escapism. These habits steal away important time that is better spent focusing on our personal growth.

Author Matt Kahn explains in Whatever Arises, Love That: A Love Revolution That Begins with You how we are addicted to certain feelings to maintain order and this habit creates an unhealthy co-dependency: “Addiction is a habitual need for certain experiences or feelings in order to maintain a perceived sense of control in your life. The degree to which you build co-dependent relationships or exist in addictive behaviours suggests how overstimulated your nervous system may be.”

Cracks In The Window Of Time

“We destroy ourselves when we stop feeling. If you bury your feelings within you, you become a graveyard.” — Bernie S. Siegel

It’s no secret, you are reading this article for a reason because you value your personal growth, whether you intentionally landed on this article or it was forwarded to you. Part of you recognises there’s more to life than what you’re experiencing. Stealing time by checking social media sites is exciting and keeps us engaged momentarily but at a cost to our peace of mind. For example, how many people carve out time in the morning or before the end of the day to journal in their diary or sit with their thoughts? What I’m saying is, it is easy to find five minutes throughout the day to invest in ourselves because it is worth it in the long run. It was the late American motivational speaker Jim Rohn who once remarked: “We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”

My intention is to draw awareness to the importance of creating quality time to focus on ourselves, instead of being distracted by addictive visual media. Our deepest feelings are messages from our soul that lead us toward our dreams and highest aspirations, like a compass directs a hiker lost in the wilderness. It is our roadmap and guide, our GPS system that never leaves our side or runs out of batteries. Its only requirement is that we turn it on and engage it often to notice the messages. We needn’t learn a particular language to listen to our soul but make time in our day or week to listen to the impulses and sensations that arise.

Our deepest feelings reveal themselves through moments of silence because they are cracks in the window of time and leave an impressionable mark on us. Our deepest feelings are our calling card aligned with our highest truth. They will not desert us when we need them most, yet we need them most if we are to unite with the deepest wisdom of our soul. It is what author Neale Donald Walsch means when he writes: “Feelings are sometimes difficult to discover, and even more difficult to acknowledge. Yet, hidden in your deepest feelings is your highest truth.”

So, I invite you to begin a regular practice of coming home to yourself through silence. Start with as little as one minute as often as you can and gradually build until you are comfortable sitting alone with your thoughts. Make it a habit and one you will look forward to. I assure you, getting in touch with your deepest feelings trumps any high that a social media post can deliver.

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Why The Key To Building Greater Trust In Oneself, Is To Honour Your Inherent Wisdom

Honour Your Emotions

“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

To develop trust in oneself, we should stop seeking the opinions of others and recognise the guidance within us.

Self-trust is harnessed when we follow our inherent wisdom, instead of looking outside to find inner peace. We develop self-trust by honouring our emotions instead of hiding behind them. Equally, we must distance ourselves from those who undermine our self-trust. Some people are prone to push our pain buttons because it pleases them to see us suffer. Whilst they can help us identify our disowned parts, we are better off avoiding them instead of becoming embroiled in their deceitful ways. Can you identify with this? Have you met people like this?

Self-trust is harnessed when we nurture our innermost thoughts. Whilst we cannot control external circumstances, we become curious to what is going on inside of us instead of retaliating in anger. I’m drawn to the message by psychotherapist John Prendergast Ph.D. who explains in In Touch: How To Tune In To The Inner Guidance Of Your Body And Trust Yourself that we must look to our body’s wisdom to develop self-trust: “As we learn to recognize and understand the body’s subtle sensations, and then act on them, our self-trust will grow tremendously. To me it is rather amazing that the body has this innate sense of the truth as if the body is hardwired for it.” The subtleties of the human body point to what is going on beneath the surface, so we become attuned to the minor fluctuations and our true needs.

We must honour our commitment to ourselves whether through the goals we set or pursuing our dreams. To dishonour them, diminishes our self-trust because we fail to follow through on our plans. To foster self-trust involves developing a compassionate dialogue with ourselves as opposed to being ruled by the drama in our lives. We do this by planting the seed of equanimity and nurture it with kindness so it grows strong. Does this idea appeal to you? Can you see how being kind to yourself creates a sense of inner harmony?

Self-trust arises when we make time to honour the child within us. This means devoting time to be with ourselves, instead of declaring how busy we are, amid craving emotional compassion. Our inner authority is the pillar of a stable emotional life. Strength of character does not mean stowing away our pain, it involves meeting it with openness and compassion.

For example, how do you know when you need time alone? Whenever you notice internal unrest, this is a call to spend time in silence to examine your emotions. It is no surprise our lives are hectic. We are more likely to pay attention to outside events instead of meeting our personal needs. We spend much of our waking life fixed on the world “out there” instead of within. Yet, if we continue down this path, we neglect our inner life, which influences how we relate to the world.

Become Aware And Awake

“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.”― Lao Tzu

A practice I outline in my book, Reconstructing the Past to Create a Remarkable Future involves a simple question to ask ourselves often: “How am I doing?” This simple question allows us to discern what is going on inside us, instead of dismissing the emotional disturbances as unjustified. The German-born spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle states that whenever emotional chaos is apparent, we are inviting an earlier Pain-Body experience into the present moment. This is obvious when others trigger our Pain-Body, such as being cut off in traffic or someone taking our line in the queue whilst shopping. Have you experienced this, when for no apparent reason your mood turns sour and you can’t quite put your finger on it?

If we don’t take the time to examine what is going on beneath the surface, we are likely to react instead of interact with our core emotions. Building self-trust does not mean we will always say or do the right thing. Irrespective of our words and actions, whatever arises is there to guide our personal evolution. A well-known exercise for developing self-trust is to be mindful of the sensations in our body before reacting to external events. So, if someone takes our place in the shopping queue, before we react, we move our attention into our body and note any tension or tightness. We become curious toward these sensations and observe them nonjudgmentally. Is this something you can relate to and put into practice in your own life?

So, we might be aware of a constricting sensation in our chest moments before retaliating in anger with the person who jumped the queue. We learn to be with the emotion and notice it without an agenda by repeating the phrase: “I’m aware of you” or as Daniel Goleman suggests, we label the emotion. This simple act puts the brakes on deferring our emotions and draws our awareness to what is going on inside us. In this way we become aware and awake, instead of unconscious to the emotional drivers in our life. We develop self-trust by honouring facets of our being irrespective of whether we approve or disapprove of that part of us.

Those with a diminished self-esteem tend to criticise themselves for reacting angrily to a situation. In contrast, those with a strong self-esteem see it as a teaching point from which to grow. To develop self-trust is to listen to our heart’s guidance, instead of being dictated by incessant thoughts. Our thoughts are saboteurs since they cannot be trusted. Given their volatility, we cannot always rely on them to make sense of our situation.

For instance, at the end of a working day your thoughts are likely to be more scattered, while mid-morning after a cup of coffee they’re less likely to be reactive. However, the heart is not influenced by unsettled moods. There is a stillness that longs for us to connect with it, even during our darkest hour. Practice moving your awareness into your heart in the midst of the commotion and observe the silence.  Be with the sensations that arise and meet them with openness. You’ll soon realise the habitual and stressful thoughts begin to melt away, leaving a sea of expansiveness that permeates your mind and body.

Self-trust is an invitation to develop a relationship with our core self and become our own best friend. We appreciate the interplay between our thoughts and emotions, instead of remaining unconscious to them.  In doing so, we learn to trust the guidance from our deepest wisdom and build greater trust in ourselves.

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This Is Why You Are Addicted To Your Thoughts Without Knowing It

Regurgitated Thoughts

“A sick thought can devour the body’s flesh more than fever or consumption.”—Guy de Maupassant

Who would you be without your thoughts?

Who is the person you call “I” reading these words right now?

Ponder these questions while I give you an insight into something I experienced whilst meditating some years ago. One evening, towards the end of a meditation session I experienced a brief episode of no thoughts. It scared me, though I recognises my thoughts once more in the next instance. It was as though I had gone off-line for a short period of time. What frightened me most about the experience was the notion I didn’t exist. If there is no experience of thoughts, who am I? My thoughts confirm my existence and so I felt at ease when I began to experience them once more.

We are addicted to thoughts without realising it. I mean that in the kindest way. Our experience of thoughts confirms our presence within the fabric of reality. It was the French philosopher René Descartes who once proclaimed: “I think, therefore I am.” This is a persuasive declaration that suggests our thoughts give rise to our humanity and experience of reality. In a similar vein, psychologist and author Loch Kelly confirms our compulsive addiction to thoughts when he writes in Shift into Freedom: The Science and Practice of Open-Hearted Awareness: “The habit of continually looking to thoughts for satisfaction, even positive thoughts, creates a similar kind of addiction.”

From the moment we’re born until our passing, we process anywhere between 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts a day. Many of those are regurgitated from the previous day; rarely do we think anything new. For example, when was the last time you had an original thought or were moved by a powerful insight? Was it days, weeks or months? We are accustomed to thinking the same thoughts day in day out and wonder why we live monotonous lives. It was the founder of Hay House, the late Louise Hay who once wrote: “You are not a helpless victim of your own thoughts, but rather a master of your mind.”

If we were to observe our thoughts more often, we would notice they are habitual and dictated by past conditioning, our level of awareness and perception of the world. This explains why we are addicted to thoughts because we trust them to be true. I’m not suggesting this is bad, however, our addiction to thinking can lead us astray and cause stress if we don’t make time to disconnect from our thoughts.

Loch Kelly says we can change our addiction to automatic thoughts by observing them instead of becoming invested in them: “Paying attention to automatic thoughts is simply a habit we can change. When you shift into awareness-based knowing, automatic thinking moves into the background, and you experience true peace of mind.”

Break The Addiction To Thoughts

“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation, but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking.”—Eckhart Tolle

Our thoughts are our best friend and our worst enemy. They come and go from our mind and even though they are impermanent, it often feels like they have taken up residency in our mind like squatters refusing to leave. No matter how hard you try to remove negative thoughts, they keep showing up. What if it isn’t necessary to drive them away, but see them as the sum of the thinking process?

What I mean is, negative thoughts is a label we assign to disempowering thoughts we don’t like. I would argue that they can be useful and our task is to integrate them into the wholeness of our being instead of trying to banish them. Thoughts are addictive when we cannot be alone in silence for more than five minutes. This is the feedback I’ve receive over many years from clients who are stressed. When I invite them to find five minutes a day to meditate, they’d rather have a surgical procedure performed than be alone with their thoughts.

Many people flee from the voices in their head by being preoccupied with activities that distract them from being alone. This is apparent whether through: socialising, gossiping, checking social media, consuming alcohol or addictive foods. These are distractions that prevent us coming home to the quiet stillness of our core self. It needn’t be that way. It is possible to reclaim your thoughts and not be consumed by them. However, it takes practice and diligence to see past the narrative they promote while recognising you are not your thoughts but one who experiences them.

Thoughts will always have a narrative to persuade us of something that is wrong in the world. We are naturally drawn to this and create a dialogue which later forms our character. These events start when we follow the trail of thoughts down a slippery slope.

To break our addiction to thoughts, we must first realise their impermanent nature. This helps us to discern the transient nature of thoughts and that we needn’t bind ourselves to them. Rather, we see them as a mental occurrence that come and go like ocean waves crashing into the shoreline. When we let go of our addiction to thoughts, we realise a powerful undercurrent beneath them, in the form of an expansive love and that my dear friends is who we really are.

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Everything In Life Is Temporary. The Key Is Not To Get Attached But Learn To Flow With The Natural Current Of Life

Everything In Life Is Temporary

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”—Lao Tzu

Suffering occurs when we expect life to be according to our thoughts and when it doesn’t work out as we expect, sorrow ensues.

What comes to mind when you read that passage? Do you hold certain expectations of what life should be like? Ponder these questions as we explore this further over the coming paragraphs. For a long time I believed life was against me. Do you ever get the same sense? That the forces of life are constantly waging war against you? It’s a relentless battle you cannot win and so it’s easier to give up than keep trying.

Whilst I don’t mean to paint a grim picture, struggling and resisting is futile because we are like a tiny boat tossed around in a storm at sea. Mostly, all we can do is hang on and hope the storm passes and that we emerge unscathed.

I empathise with those who have written to me outlining a similar narrative of their life. The reason being is, I have experienced similar instants and felt powerless compared to the forces of life. It is once the dust settles that we realise the lessons contained within the experiences. I must remind myself and those I coach that everything in life is temporary, even our pain and suffering. That means unpleasant experiences will pass through our lives quicker if we give up attaching ourselves to it.

I don’t have all the answers and sometimes this is frustrating for my clients who are looking for guidance to solve their problems. It would remiss of me to give them advice to assuage their fears because what if the advice does not work out as they planned? What I do offer however, are resources to help people navigate life, knowing what they experience will no doubt recede to give way to the lessons that follow.

A Strong Back And Soft Front

“Being in the flow means being aware that the river of life is flowing to us at every moment. Being in the flow means accepting whatever comes and putting it to good use, before passing it on. Going with the flow means allowing whatever comes to move on freely, without holding on in any way.”—Anonymous

I mentioned losing my father to type II diabetes in my first book, The Power To Navigate Life and later being diagnosed with a serious illness. When you’re vulnerable and have little choice over your mortality, life appears bigger than you. It is during these times, we experience a greater depth to our lives if we are willing to give up our resistance to what is taking place. I learned that when I feel helpless, the greatest act I can undertake is to yield to the forces of life instead of oppose it.

I am reminded of a supple tree blown around in an intense windstorm. The tree yields to the forceful winds by bowing to the wind to avoid being uprooted. When the windstorm eventually passes, the tree is still left standing even though it looks worse for wear. While a rigid tree is likely to be tossed around in the wind and uprooted. These metaphors serve as the foundations for the way we ought to think about our life circumstances. We can let go of our fixed ideas of how life should unfold or we can stand firm in resistance believing we are victims.

Is this something you’ve experienced? If so, how did you feel during those moments when it seemed impossible to make it through? It is natural to feel defeated and insignificant at certain moments, yet they can also prove to be humbling periods of growth. If we are lucky to survive the experience, we will bear the scars of having endured our challenges. In the process of yielding to life, we are softened by the forces imposed upon us. Many people who are uncompromising later develop a humbleness in the aftermath of their ordeal.

It is what the Buddhists call a strong back and soft front, meaning to develop the resiliency to stand tall and confront our challenges with openness and compassion. To quote the Zen Buddhist Joan Halifax who explains in Standing at the Edge: Finding Freedom Where Fear and Courage Meet: “In other words, we walk around brittle and defensive, trying to conceal our lack of confidence. If we strengthen our backs, metaphorically speaking, and develop a spine that’s flexible but sturdy, then we can risk having a front that’s soft and open, representing choiceless compassion.”

What is keeping you stuck in resistance? Have you taken the time to sit quietly and explore why you feel this way? What needs to take place to let go? Whilst these are difficult questions to answer, they can give us a glimpse into our pain.

Underlying all suffering are erroneous thoughts about the way life should be. As Albert Einstein once declared: “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” We must adjust our thoughts and flow with the forces of life so it takes us where it needs to. After all, trusting in life means to trust in the infinite intelligence that guides the moon and the stars. How could it possibly be anything less than perfect?

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No Matter How Often You Revisit The Past, You Will Never Find Something New

Repressed Emotions

“We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.”—George Bernard Shaw

Do you have a sentimental view of the past or is it mixed with guilt and regret?

Contemplate the question closely because it will give you a glimpse into whether you are living with remorse or inspiration.

Anger can be a toxic emotion if not dealt with because it weaves its way into our psyche and manifests as physiological symptoms including pain. I remember many years ago working with a female client who experienced unexplained back pain that lasted several years or more. Samantha had recently retired and arrived to our session with debilitating back pain having explored all other options other than surgery.

Whilst most medical professionals offered their expert advice to ease her symptom, I could tell after our first session her pain wasn’t physically related but attributed to repressed emotions. She was holding on to anger and anxiety which according to Dr. John Sarno is called TMS Tension Myositis Syndrome which I describe in my book, The Power To Navigate Life.

She was stuck in the past holding onto unresolved anger and anxiety which had manifested as lower back pain. I realise such a claim can be met with disbelief, however Samantha consulted with many doctors, neurosurgeons and orthopaedic surgeons who could not find any evidence of why she was in pain.

During our work together, I helped her to explore the role of repressed emotions and suggested there may be a link to her back pain. I was careful not to diagnosis her issue but open the door so she could explore it further, which she was happy to do. Working with a clinical psychologist trained in somatic awareness alongside physical therapy, Samantha overcame her back pain whilst making peace with the past.

Sometimes we can hold on tightly to the past that it blemishes the aliveness of the present moment. Meanwhile, we continue to revisit painful memories or in the case of my client Samantha, her repressed emotions had manifested as back pain. It wasn’t until she revisited and healed the memories of her past that she overcame her physical pain.

Avoid Revisiting The Past

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”—Buddha

Let us be clear: not all repressed emotions lead to pain in the body. Depending on the intensity of the emotions and how long we’ve been holding on to them, they may or may not show up as pain, illness or disease. The body is intelligent and will do whatever is necessary to keep us safe. Storing pain is the body’s way to draw our awareness to something within us that requires self-examination and healing.

It’s often said, the past is a figment of our imagination because it no longer exists. If we continue to replay memories of: guilt, regret or anxiety, they will occupy space in our mind and body until we perceive them differently. This requires courage and faith to look back on what is sometimes painful experiences.

I’m drawn to author and psychologist Robert Holden’s message in Authentic Success in which he writes: “The future cannot be any different from the past if a person will not let the past go. Basically put, shame holds you back and forgiveness takes you forward.”

Perhaps we misinterpreted the events of the past and in the meantime we’re holding on to broken memories that no longer serve us. Can you identify with this? For example, have you ever had a discussion with your significant other on how you first met? I chuckle when a couple recounts their first meeting because each remembers the encounter differently. This underscores how our memories are different to each another and why we must be respectful of one another’s past.

We must avoid revisiting the past because it steals away from the present moment. It is impossible to find new information in the past, however we can look upon it with forgiveness and compassion. Forgiveness means forgiving oneself for being a co-creator of the experience but also forgiving the other party or the situation.

Whilst we cannot change nor erase the past, we can look upon it in a new way and rewrite a new memory of our experience. We become like a couple described earlier and consider the past through two distinct lenses while bringing forgiveness and compassion to the experience.

It is spiritual author Matt Kahn who reaffirms this message in Everything Is Here to Help You: A Loving Guide to Your Soul’s Evolution when he says: “When rooted in welcoming, we are forgiving of the past by allowing each person and circumstance to be welcomed as a brand-new encounter of growth and expansion.”

It matters little whether you are carrying painful memories. It is your willingness to see them through the eyes of compassion and forgiveness in order write a new story. In doing so, you heal the past and leave it where it ought to stay; behind you.

The post No Matter How Often You Revisit The Past, You Will Never Find Something New appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

3 Powerful Ways To Uplift Yourself When You Hit A Low Point In Life

Today’s guest post is brought to you by Prakhar Verma who helps ambitious people design their epic lives. Head over to https://DesignEpicLife.com/ for more of his wonderful work.

Unless you live a perfect life, sometimes, navigating through life is hard.

It happens to everyone — the rich or the poor, the optimist or the pessimist, the good or the evil.

Life has its own way. Sometimes, it seems like all your hopes and dreams are coming together while other times, life throws all the bombs at the same time.

So what do you do when life shows no mercy at you?

You could do what most people do — You could blame and complain. You could get frustrated and angry.

But then there are other options which are far better.

1. Diversify Your Source Of Fulfilment

People usually talk about the concept of diversification in the investment world. They say you should not put all eggs in one basket as it will make you dependent on one source for all your investment returns.

The same principle applies to your life. You want to diversify where you find fulfilment from.

I’m not saying you should distribute your focus to multiple projects. What I am saying is you should set goals in many areas of your life.

Don’t just depend on your career to make you feel accomplished. Because many times, you will fail miserably. During those times, you can drive fulfilment and self-esteem from other areas of your life such as the progress in your health and fitness.

You can find meaning and progress in your career, health, finances, relationships, hobbies, personal development, and so on.

When one area fails to give you fulfilment, others will back you up.

And when every area seems to fall apart, start with the basics which are:

Food
Movement
Sleep
Stress

If you keep these four activities healthy in your life, it will become way easier for you to get back up.

The reason these four activities triumph every other is that they will change the chemistry of your brain. You will feel good, motivated, focused, and happier.

And that’s the starting point you need to change your life.

2. Change Your Environment

Your environment is number one predictor of your habits, thoughts, and feelings.

While it’s not always possible to change your environment, every person must experience a change in the environment at least every few years.

By changing your environment you will:

Increase self-awareness
Gain clarity in life
Find new opportunities
Explore new possibilities
Find people with different perspectives who will challenge what you know and believe
Get out of a creativity rut
Get better at adaptation
Increase self-confidence because of your improved ability to roll with the punches

If you can’t change your environment, then take out time to travel.

Many people travel to gain more experiences, which is great. But to take it to whole new level, let the new environment change you. Observe and absorb your surroundings.

Ask yourself — what can I learn from the culture? What new shift in mindset can I take away from this place?

With this new identity, you won’t live the same life even in your old environment.

But what about the times when you can’t get into a new environment?

The answer is simple — Eliminate. Eliminate. Eliminate.

Take out the trash.

The trash could be junk stuff, junk food, junk people, junk feelings, junk thoughts or junk habits.

First, embrace the empty space you get once you eliminate and then replace the space with a high-quality environment which will force you to raise your standards.

3. Use The Hard Time

After doing everything you can, if you still can’t overcome the tough time, you can take out the biggest weapon in your arsenal — your philosophy.

Nature shows us the rules. The sunset is followed by the sunrise. The winter is followed by the spring.

Life runs in cycles and seasons. If your life is at a low point today, it will not stay the same. Simply knowing this can give you the strength to endure the pain.

In fact, don’t just endure the pain. Feel the pain. Embrace the pain.

Why?

Because you only realize happiness compared to the bad days you have.

If your life stays perfect, it would be boring and you’ll hate it because of our tendency to adapt to a baseline level of happiness. It’s called hedonic adaptation.

But I’m not just telling you to sit there and wait for the magic to happen.

On top of using philosophy, express yourself through your preferred method of creativity — writing, painting, singing, dancing, speaking, playing and more.

The expression will heal the pain and give you the push you need to get back up again.

And last, use the force of pain to shake up your life. The force can either keep pushing you down or you can use it to create a momentum in your life.

Every situation gives you an opportunity. The opportunity could be to:

Train your mind.
Learn a much-needed lesson that will help you for a lifetime.
Help others so they don’t make the same mistake you did.
Get away from something so you can start the next chapter of your life.

Become a beginner again to get in a new personal transformation cycle.

You can start by learning something new or you can restart from scratch. Either way, you will experience a tremendous challenge which will fuel your growth.

The life is your arena.

You will lose. You will get punched. You will drop down. It’s inevitable.

After every hit, you can either give up or you can learn from the experience to get up and try again.

If today, your life is in a good place, start by diversifying your source of fulfilment.

If your life is downgrading, change your environment as soon as you can.

If you’ve already hit the rock bottom, use the hard time to start again.

It’s never too early or too late to design your epic life. So, let’s start, shall we?

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Why You Must Celebrate Yourself First Before The World Will Applaud You

Decide What Constitutes Success

“I celebrate myself, and sing myself, and what I assume you shall assume, for every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.”—Walt Whitman

It was Jiddu Krishnamurti, regarded as one of the greatest thinkers and religious teachers of all time who once wrote: “The more you know yourself the more clarity there is. Self-knowledge has no end—you don’t come to an achievement, you don’t come to a conclusion. It is an endless river.”

Do you think he was right when he says: self-knowledge leads to clarity? What about you? What do you know about yourself now with greater clarity? It’s reassuring when we celebrate ourselves since our reality is the embodiment of our thoughts. If we believe in our worthiness to achieve success, we will attract it because what is thought and repeated, will undeniably come to life.

Does that notion work for you? Can you see how what happens within you must also happen in your reality? I want you to really understand this idea because it bears repeating since everything that happens out there has been created within you first. I’m not talking about your desires being handed to you on a silver platter since that would be unreasonable. I’m talking about what you hold in mind and repeat with conviction and emotion must show up in your life, assuming you do the work and are committed to the process.

Success can encompass many things, whether it be: health, wealth, relationships or the simplest things. You get to decide what constitutes success, so it’s best to find your own definition and abide by it. Don’t be swayed by other people’s opinions because that will give you the impression you are unsuccessful. Does that make you feel better knowing you needn’t compete against others? I sure hope so.

I’m drawn to the British psychologist and author Robert Holden who explains in Authentic Success how we must redefine success to encompass the journey to get there. It’s not enough to focus on the prize because many people who achieve success find they are more unfulfilled than before: “It is my experience that many people relate to success as something to celebrate at the end of their days, when they finally “get there.” All their energy is invested in a ticket that will get them to a land called “there.” But life isn’t just about “getting there”; it is also about “being here” and enjoying your journey.”

Are you comfortable with this idea? I know I’m emphasising the point, but I want you to get an impression of what it means to create success on your terms, not others. What we believe about ourselves is the foundation for how the world responds to us.

Thoughts are a powerful phenomenon and many of us are unconscious to them because we’re habituated to ignore them. Mainly because they pass through our stream of consciousness at a rate of 70,000 – 80,000 thoughts per day. It is no surprise we ignore them, there are just too many thoughts to know which ones are relevant.

To celebrate ourselves, we ought to make peace with parts of ourselves we are at war with. Peace means to reconcile negative or unconscious thoughts with the wholeness of who we really are. So if you consider yourself to be an anxious person, you disregard the possibility of being a peaceful person; you rule it out so to speak.

The Wholeness Of Who You Really Are

“Go where you are celebrated—not tolerated. If they can’t see the real value of you, it’s time for a new start.” — Unknown 

I’m sure you’ve heard the story about the baby elephant tethered by a rope to a stake? It turns out that as the elephant matures to fall size, it remains chained to the stake unable to break free. Even though it is capable of escaping, it is held captive because of its conditioning from an early age. Whilst a fictional story, it correlates with our own story of how setbacks or failures limit our potential.

For example, I know a relative who is considered an anxious person and has trouble flying on planes. She believes her character is fixed and refuses to change. Yet, when asked if she’s tried meditation or other forms of relaxation therapy, she dismisses them because she’s convinced her personality is static.

Our behaviour is anything but determined. The science of epigenetics tells us our brains are constantly evolving depending on the stimuli it receives. Do you know people like this? No matter what you say, they’re convinced they won’t change or to be more precise, refuse to change. It can be difficult trying to convince them otherwise.

Embracing ourselves foremost is central to awaken our greatest potential. To celebrate our own selves means to accept both our negative and positive characteristics. Wholeness is a story about welcoming every part of you while realising you are none of those things in isolation but in their entirety. When combined, they make up the wholeness of who you really are.

If we want the world to celebrate us, we must accept ourselves unconditionally to find clarity. You can become a greater version of yourself because if the thought is active within you, its potential to merge into the wholeness of your character will come to life.

Celebration of oneself is a journey that comes from within and radiates outward. It is an endless river as Jiddu Krishnamurti points out. So, what will you choose? Will you be a shining light others are drawn to or will you withhold your greatness because you fear being found out? I trust you choose in alignment with your core self.

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Why The Love Of Oneself Is The Only Ocean You Can Never Drown In

Coming Home To Ourselves

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”— Buddha

I want to pose a question that requires reflection on your behalf. Try to get a sense of what arises within as you contemplate its significance. When the master teacher Buddha wrote: “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection” do you suppose he was referring to self-love, or perhaps more accurately, the love of the Self?

Be careful how you answer this question because it may be a call to action that requires you to get to know yourself better…to more fully love the entirety of your being. Welcome to the only ocean in which you can never drown!

The question that will define you in ways you might never imagine is: What is the truth about you when everything is stripped away? That is, are you able love yourself to the point of: forgiving yourself, nurturing yourself and cultivating a soul presence in all that you do?

I realise these are difficult questions to answer because most people will close this page after reading and carry on with their lives without truly considering what they’ve read. Skimming the surface of our true nature can be likened to dipping our toe in cool water and claiming to know what the ocean feels like. One must submerge themselves to get a sense of what being in water is like. It reminds me of the passage by the ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus who said: “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.” We cannot claim to understand an idea by exposing ourselves to pieces of it. We must immerse ourselves and experience it fully to appreciate its essence.

Yet, this is what we do regarding our lives. We skim the surface of who we really are, sometimes dipping our toe but not submerging ourselves. We are powerless to know what we want if we don’t understand ourselves first. And there lies the challenge: to truly know something one must experience it fully, irrespective of the pain and discomfort associated with it.

Sometimes we resist coming home to ourselves because we avoid the process of experiencing ourselves completely. Perhaps it is the pain, regret, or repressed memories we avoid. But that which we stow away grows in intensity and comes back at a greater force to overwhelm us later. It is what author Matt Kahn refers to in Everything Is Here to Help You: A Loving Guide to Your Soul’s Evolution as carving out time to connect with ourselves in order to overcome self-destructive habits: “This is why making peace with time is essential in the cultivation of authentic self-love. When making time to care for ourselves, we are able to make constructive choices, instead of being attracted to self-destructive patterns.”

The Essence Of Who You Really Are

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ― Rumi

The greatest strength and courage we can undertake is to meet ourselves in the midst of pain and discomfort. Everyone feels good when immersed in joy and happiness, but ask them to look deeply into their pain and sadness and that will tell you more about an individual’s courage. Life is not about feeling good all the time. For even pain and discomfort serve a purpose, when we show up with an open mind and heart and are willing to examine our fears, judgements or shame. I would argue we are none of these things because they are labels we attach to circumstances don’t turn out as we expect.

I asked you at the start what is the truth about yourself when everything is stripped away? I hope that you allow the question to sink in to the core of your being. Let it be the first thought on your mind when you wake up and the last thought on your mind when you retire to bed. Try it for one week and I assure you this simple exercise can have a significant effect in helping you to understand the essence of who you really are.

As I alluded to earlier, skimming the surface of our life will rarely bring us the joy and happiness we deserve. There is more depth to who we are than skimming over ourselves like a magazine article. Perhaps it’s time to slow down, to go deeper into the amazing essence of the true Self. We must become detectives looking under a microscope, magnifying aspects of ourselves we loathe or are afraid to confront.

My invitation for you is to live from the level of your soul because that is where your divine presence is found. Our soul has the roadmap to our destiny, while the ego is its co-driver seeking to analyse the terrain ahead with a far too critical eye, continually making judgements depending on how it feels in the moment.

I’m drawn to my mentor and acclaimed spiritual author Dennis Merritt Jones’ perspective in Your Redefining Moments: Becoming Who You Were Born to Be in which he writes: “If we don’t follow our true path, we know there is a part of us that will slowly begin to die. Call it Spirit, Soul, Life Force, or what you like, there is that within us which knows who it is we’ve come here to be and what it is we’ve come here to do. If we don’t listen to and honour its call, it begins to wane. This is when life becomes more about enduring until we die rather than thriving while we are here.” The path Jones refers to lies directly in front of us every minute of every day; we simply need to pause and mindfully (and perhaps courageously) step onto it.

This is where the proverbial rubber meets the road–your true call to action:  I’d like you to consider once more what is the truth about yourself when everything else is stripped away? Is it a story of loving the Self and following the guidance of your soul or a narrative of a detracted lack of self-worth?

As the article title reminds us: The deeper you dive in to the love at the core of your being, the more your lungs fill with air. Jump in, the water is amazing!

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