Tony Fahkry's Blog, page 34

These 6 Powerful Ways Will Help You Overcome Obstacles and Reclaim Your Power

Reclaim Your Power

“History has demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered heart-breaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won because they refused to become discouraged by their defeats.” – B. C. Forbes

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway where he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock.

Some of the King’s wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but no one did anything to remove the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, he laid down his load and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he succeeded.

After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a reward lying in the road where the boulder had been. It contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway.

The peasant learned what many of us struggle to grasp: Concealed within every obstacle is an opportunity, yet many are unwilling to explore it.

Whilst the story depicts a sentimental view of overcoming obstacles, it underscores the importance of pushing past your impediments.

Obstacles are present in everyday life, be it a barrier that sets you back, halts your progress or derails your best laid plans. They are discouraging and cause loss of precious time and resources.

Beyond the frustration, what purpose do obstacles serve?

Could there be a greater lesson contained within the experience?

Perhaps you need to get acquainted with a skill or gain valuable knowledge before proceeding with your plans.

Appreciate that obstacles serve a role other than cause emotional distress. To contest reality will not earn you support since life always prevails. Leaning in to your challenges however, helps you move through the obstacle rather than allow it to dominate your life.

Author Jeff Olson writes in The Slight Edge: “There are going to be all types of obstacles placed in front of you during your lifetime. And you can determine the size of a person by the size of the problem that keeps them down. Successful people look at a problem and see opportunity.”

By leaning in to your challenges, you embrace life through your non-resistance. The obstacle reveals vital lessons to identify its significance.

The following points will help you overcome obstacles and reclaim your power. Sometimes when we’re knocked around by life, it can weaken our self-esteem, so it’s important to stand in your own power.

Be willing to leave behind pursuits that do not deliver results. Far too many people discount the value of redirecting their attention when all attempts are exhausted. Pride, self-worth and time invested are the main reasons for flogging a dead horse.

“Most of our obstacles would melt away if, instead of cowering before them, we should make up our minds to walk boldly through them.” – Orison Swett Marden

1. Distance Yourself From The Drama: When faced with an obstacle, emotions run high since you’re likely to react to the ensuing drama. Step back from the chaos and see the obstacle from a greater perspective. An accomplished Australian artist once noted that when she oil paints, she prefers to take regular breaks. She said this allows her to return to her work with fresh eyes each time and approach the painting from a different perspective. You might adopt the same tactic with your obstacle and come back to it with renewed enthusiasm when the time is right.

2. Seek Necessary Resources: Often you may lack provisions, finances, strategies or a key piece of knowledge to conquer your obstacle. The key is to acknowledge that it is ‘resource related’. For example, you may need a key software program to automate a process, freeing you up to focus on more important work. Consult those who can help you overcome the hurdle. As they say, enlist a fresh pair of eyes to see what you may be missing.

3. Gain Perspective: It can overwhelm you when an unforeseen obstacle emerges. To get caught up in the ensuing crisis redirects vital resources to make critical decisions. Gaining perspective helps you step away from the ‘noise’. You might seek help from others, talk to friends or loved ones who can offer a different assessment of your challenge. Perspective does not imply dissociating from the obstacle in resignation. It means viewing it from numerous vantage points while considering other options. It was author Robert Brault who wrote: “We are kept from our goal, not by obstacles but by a clear path to a lesser goal.

4. Evaluate The Obstacle: Can something be done to overcome the obstacle now or does it require expert help? Consider it objectively as though you were seeing it for the first time. Use logic and sound judgement to avoid becoming emotionally enslaved to the task. “Winners know they’re going to face hurdles, obstacles, failures, tragedies, and disasters— the same as everybody else,” states Larry Weidel in Serial Winner: 5 Actions to Create Your Cycle of Success.

5. Stay Focussed And Committed: Often an obstacle is not intended to weaken your actions. It is an invitation to get clear on the process to advance to the next stage. It is advising you to attend to a particular aspect now instead of the future when you have invested valuable time and energy. You might recall Thomas Edison’s well-known passage of 1,000 ways that did not work to invent the light bulb.

Be unrelenting in your commitment — do not give up. “Obstacles are figments of your thinking. That’s why as soon as your old thinking departs, new thinking arrives and obstacles fade away,” affirms sports psychologist Garret Kramer in: The Path of No Resistance: Why Overcoming is Simpler than You Think.

Don’t allow setbacks to get you down since you are bound to fall upon many setbacks in life. Obstacles help enrich your mental experience in so far as building resilience, fortitude and strength. Every time you tackle a problem, you overcome a mental hurdle.

6. Develop A Growth Mindset: In her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success author Carol Dweck delves into two different mindsets required for success: Fixed or Growth mindsets. She provides a comprehensive foundation how to develop a Growth mindset, which is aspiring toward continuous improvement and building on your successes. She states: “The passion for stretching yourself and sticking to it, even (or especially) when it’s not going well, is the hallmark of the Growth mindset. This is the mindset that allows people to thrive during some of the most challenging times in their lives.”

The post These 6 Powerful Ways Will Help You Overcome Obstacles and Reclaim Your Power appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

Encouraging Words: Articles & Essays that Prove Who You Are Matters Book Review

I have followed the spiritual teacher and author Dennis Merritt Jones for some time, having read his earlier books:

The Art of Uncertainty
The Art of Being
Your (Re) Defining Moments
How to Speak Science of Mind.

Dennis Merritt Jones wrote the foreword for my book, Awaken Your Authentic Self. Since that time, I have come to call him a friend separated by distance, yet connected through spirit.

His latest book: Encouraging Words: Articles & Essays that Prove Who You Are Matters is an exceptional collection of inspiring vignettes in the form as your personal guide. You cannot help but resonate with his words as they have a way of communicating to you in a peaceful undercurrent.

We often read a book and are lucky to gain significant lessons from the material, whether a business book or self-help book. Encouraging Words is a booked of many powerful messages and a personal wake-up call that speaks to the heart of your being.

I identified with numerous principles throughout the book and highlighted many passages, to ponder thoughtfully at a later time. The author draws on spiritual principles and teachings gained over the past thirty years of his career as a Doctor of Divinity. The most notable being from Ernest Holmes’ teachings in The Science of Mind.

There is a gentle and wise flow to Dennis’ writing that translates to the reader. You cannot help but be immersed in his words, bestowed to the reader in the form of wise counsel. This is skilfully woven with his storytelling to reinforce the messages throughout the book.

You get the sense you are sitting in his lounge room having a spiritual discourse with the author. He does not force the words onto you, even so they penetrate your psyche long after you have set the book down. I pondered several paragraphs days after finishing a chapter.

Like all good books, I was drawn to certain passages and took to my highlighter with enthusiasm. As Dennis Merritt Jones explains: “When you read (or hear) something that finds deep resonance with your soul it’s not because you are receiving anything new; you are remembering something that you already know at some level.” There are many little gems like this woven throughout the book that offer aha moments. It is though you experience an expansion of consciousness for that is what a good book should do; open you to a new awareness.

Encouraging Words: Articles & Essays that Prove Who You Are Matters contains 43 chapters in the form of articles and essays. A large portion of most books involve laying the groundwork for the coming principles that come in later chapters. The main bits are left to the end to entice you to read through to the finish. Not so with Dennis’ book. From the moment you turn the first pages, the book comes to life and continues until the final chapter.

To gain the most from the book, it is best to read it in small bursts instead of all at once. There is a lot to take in that if you rush, you risk walking away with spiritual amnesia. It is essential to reflect on the principles, for they are powerful and will leave an impact on you long after you finish reading.

The book is more than Encouraging Words of wisdom. It is a well written discourse of insights and knowledge to help the reader flourish in their spiritual practice. This is a must-have item on your bookshelf, for there is much to gain from reading the essays over again.

I have long been drawn to books on Buddhism and those of a spiritual nature because it feels like coming home to myself. They remind me of who I am — a spiritual being having a human experience, as the French philosopher Pierre Teilhard de Chardin once said. The wisdom throughout the book is simple, yet profound in its impact. Encouraging Words: Articles & Essays that Prove Who You Are Matters will help the reader connect with their greater self—the wisdom of all knowledge that lies deep within their being.

The book is available in paperback via Amazon.com.

Author Biography:

Dennis Merritt Jones has been involved in the human potential movement and the field of spirituality for the majority of his life as a teacher, author and keynote speaker. His most recent award winning book is “The Art of Uncertainty: How to Live in the Mystery of Life and Love It.” Jones is also the award winning author of “The Art of Being: 101 Ways to Practice Purpose in Your Life” and “How to Speak Science of Mind.” Dennis writes a free weekly Mindful Purpose E-Message available through his website, www.dennismerrittjones.com, and is a regular columnist for the Science of Mind magazine and the Huffington Post.

The post Encouraging Words: Articles & Essays that Prove Who You Are Matters Book Review appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

The Key To Success Is Knowing The Last Door Is Always The Best One

Unconscious Self-Sabotage

“Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose.” — Bill Gates

The struggle people often face is staying committed to their goals long after the novelty has worn off.

I’ve heard reasons people give up on their goals such as: “It wasn’t meant to be” or “It wasn’t fun anymore” or “Life is about having fun.”

The point worth emphasising is that we can create all the reasons in the world for not following through on our commitments and find evidence to support it.

But is this how you want to live your life? Hiding behind your doubts and insecurities just to feel better?

We don’t want to be wrong and will give up on a goal rather than risk looking foolish to ourselves. Known as confirmation bias, it is the tendency to look for evidence or evaluate information in a way to confirm your bias.

Let’s be honest, we’re all prone to it and just because I’m writing this article I’m not immune from it. The key is to be aware and take the right action, so we don’t fall into our comfort zone while our goals slip away from us.

Your beliefs about success will help or hinder your progress.

They may be unconscious, meaning you formed beliefs you are unaware of and are looking for evidence to support them thus self-sabotaging your efforts to succeed.

I like author Larry Weidel’s definition of what success entails: “Success has two rules: 1. Pay full price. 2. Pay in advance.”

Countless biographies about successful people line the bookshelves where the narrative seldom involves an easy path.

Let’s be clear, success is built on discipline, hard work, perseverance, grit, will and courage.

“To succeed, always remember that the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing,” is the advice echoed by motivational author Brendon Burchard in his recent book High Performance Habits: How Extraordinary People Become That Way.

The Chase For Success

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” — Winston Churchill

It is almost certain you will fail while pursuing your goals.

It is almost certain you will want to give up.

It is almost certain you will experience mental and emotional distress.

It is almost certain you will neglect your health, family, and relationships, investing all your time pursuing your goal.

However, Brendon Burchard believes “A warrior’s destiny is greater than his wounds.”

Let’s be clear on what success is. It can relate to areas of life where progress is reached. It is not defined by material wealth, nor fame or international recognition alone.

Vishen Lakhiani explains in The Code of the Extraordinary Mind: 10 Unconventional Laws to Redefine Your Life and Succeed On Your Own Terms: “I came to the conclusion that the way we define success, centred only on the two metrics of money and power, is just a very inadequate way to define life.”

“It’s like trying to sit on a two-legged stool—sooner or later, we topple over. And that’s when I came up with this idea of the third metric of success, which consists of four pillars: well-being, wisdom, wonder, and giving.”

In a similar vein, it was Bob Dylan who said: “A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do.”

Yet, success is fickle.

We pursue it believing it holds the key to our happiness.

We pursue it to make up for our shortfalls and hide behind wealth and fame to make up for our childhood insecurities.

We chase success believing once we reach it we will be: complete, fulfilled, happy, recognised and better off. However, if success is pursued for the wrong reason, we amplify the self-doubt present within us.

A Sense of Purpose and Meaning

“Sometimes life knocks you on your ass… get up, get up, get up!!! Happiness is not the absence of problems, it’s the ability to deal with them. ”— Steve Maraboli

Author and businessman T Harv Ecker said: “It’s is bad enough being a prick, but being a prick with millions of dollars is far worse. You’re bound to use your power and wealth to justify your self-worth.”

In a similar view, what happens to a millionaire’s self-esteem if they go bankrupt? The same thing that happens to elite athletes when they’re injured; a deflated self-worth resulting in depression and anger.

They learned to identify with their performance alone while neglecting their human qualities. I’m not suggesting it’s their fault because seconds count when it comes to a gold medal.

We want to reach success for the right reasons and be fulfilled on all levels. Success is not the answer if you’re looking to ease your problems. It will only compound your problems if you pursue it blindly.

You might think from the tone of the article I am opposed to success. Quite the contrary, I enjoy success and embrace it for what it brings to my life. It has allowed me to help others realise their greatness and potential, however small or big.

The story of success reminds me of The Fisherman and the Businessman tale told in countless business books.

Success requires us to be purposeful about our lives according to Brendon Burchard: “Be more intentional about who you want to become. Have vision beyond your current circumstances. Imagine your best future self and start acting like that person today.”

The last door is always the best one because if you stay committed to your goals and pursue them with determination, vigour and courage, your efforts will be rewarded.

Success shapes a man.

It promotes his sense of self and instils purpose and meaning in his life. Success is the expansion of life coursing through you. It needs to grow and cultivate new beginnings so it may know its creative potential.

It can only do so through you as the vessel to know its creative force.

The last door is the only door that matters.

Only then you realise that every closed door, every missed opportunity, every setback and failed attempt was perfectly orchestrated to lead you to the last door of success.

Make it splendid and stay passionate and enthusiastic, to walk through the door and become someone you appreciate in the mirror each morning.

The post The Key To Success Is Knowing The Last Door Is Always The Best One appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

When You Think You Have All the Answers, Life Changes the Questions

An Open Heart And A Soft-Mind

“Never stop doubting, never stop questioning, never ever assume you have all the answers. Having all the answers kills the question itself, renders it lifeless … and you too. Keep looking, keep seeking. Never, ever find it all. Because when you find it all, you deny that there is more. And there is never not more.” — Neale Donald Walsch

The Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard said: “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”

He recognised that while hindsight is idyllic, we cannot live from this perspective since the future is promised to no one.

If you believe you have life figured out, it will assuredly change the rules when you least expect it.

The late psychotherapist Anthony de Mello wrote in One Minute Wisdom of a visitor who believed he had the answers to life.

To a visitor who claimed he had no need to search for Truth because he found it in the beliefs of his religion, the Master said:

“There was once a student who never became a mathematician because he blindly believed the answers he found at the back of his maths text book — and, ironically, the answers were correct.”

Life is not something we need to analyse, but experience with all our senses.

Scrutinising life is bound to bring disappointment if you think you have it figured out.

She is the jealous lover who will go to great lengths to remind you who has the upper hand.

Life is to be experienced with an open heart and a soft-mind.

Author Peter Hollins writes in The Science of Being Lucky: “When someone demonstrates a high level of openness, they are relaxed about life and ready to experience new circumstances.”

The new circumstances he speaks of centre on accepting life as it is, knowing there is nothing to control. We are merely renting space here on earth and our time is a fleeting moment in the infinite span of the universe.

This means we must strive to live with humility instead of arrogance.

Life cares little how successful you are, how many social media followers you have, how big your bank statement is. These are concepts mankind invented to keep track of his progress. This does not mean you should be living an austere life, but that you appreciate you are more than the sum of your material possessions.

This is no more apparent than when you die and cannot take your worldly possessions with you. They remain behind and are recirculated for others to use.

Quick To Evaluate Life

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.” — Dr. Seuss

There is an implicate order in which life functions.

It is not for us to figure out, but to experience wholly, including the pain and disappointments. I’m not implying you adopt a Fatalist perspective, yet accept your circumstances with little or no resistance.

This sentiment is no better depicted than by authors Charlene Belitz and Meg Lundstrom in The Power of Flow: Practical Ways to Transform Your Life with Meaningful Coincidence: “You just have to let things be and not do anything about them. That is probably the greatest discipline in the world because our whole thing is about making it happen. The point is to be present and trust the process.”

Life should be lived from the level of the soul. Are you living according to your highest aspirations and abiding by your deepest values?

There is no mystery to solve in this life, other than to experience each moment openly and truthfully. Remember: your perception of life is one perspective and not the absolute truth.

Consider the following Zen story, which shows how our perceptions limit our experience of life:

Zen master Baizhang was walking with Mazu and saw a wild duck fly by.

Mazu said, “What is that?” Baizhang replied, “A wild duck.”

To which Mazu asked, “Where is it going?” Baizhang said, “It is flying away.”

Mazu twisted Baizhang’s nose and said, “When did it ever fly away?”

Baizhang presumed the duck flying away from him was central to his experience of it. He related it to himself (ego identification), instead of take into account the duck was flying over him to its destination.

Life has its own agenda. I liken it to a game of chess played online against a computer whereby every move is calculated in advance.

Sometimes we are a pawn in the game, waiting for checkmate and the end of our time here. Yet other times we have more power than we realise.

We must become accustomed to allow life to unfold as it does. This means situations will not go in our favour, yet it only looks that way until the pieces of the puzzle have come together. We soon realise life is conspiring for us not against us.

However, many are quick to evaluate life as unfair with the odds stacked against them in these moments.

With respect to the reader: we really don’t know what we’re doing. We’re mostly making it up as we go along albeit without a roadmap, so failures, setbacks and disappointments are bound to arise. We should embrace this and be less critical of ourselves.

We may think we have life figured out, but we’re merely creating the future based on the past and presuming life will unfold accordingly.

Relinquish The Need For Answers

“Perhaps the secret of living well is not in having all the answers but in pursuing unanswerable questions in good company.” — Rachel Naomi Remen

As you know, life can change at the drop of a hat.

I lost my father to a debilitating illness in a short time, and years later I was treated for a life threatening illness myself.

I’ve come to embrace the humility and fragility of life. Whilst I am a co-creator of my experience, it is still a game I cannot control – nor do I want that power.

We cannot control when and how we will die.

We cannot control whether we become sick.

We cannot control who loves us or hates us.

Dr. Mario Martinez states in The MindBody Self: How Longevity Is Culturally Learned and the Causes of Health Are Inherited: “Thus the faith is really in your creativity to navigate the future. Fate is surrender — destiny is opportunity.”

Here’s an enlightening perspective: we needn’t control life’s circumstances, but allow them passage through us and embrace the lessons they bring, even pain and suffering.

I often daydream of an image etched into my mind regarding a surfer on a wave. I see the wave roll swiftly into the shoreline while other times it is less than optimal.

However, the excitement of surfing is that you are exposed to varying waves that help you become a well-rounded surfer in a range of conditions.

I believe life functions like rolling waves because it exposes us to various conditions, some are unwelcomed, others exhilarating. Yet it serves our personal evolution and we evolve instead of staying in our comfort zone.

“There is a secret that, once you know it will cause you to find those answers, apply them, live them, and achieve those results you want. The secret ingredient is your philosophy. The secret is to change the way you think. Once you do, then you will take the steps you need to take, to lead you to the how-to’s you need,” states author Jeff Olson in The Slight Edge.

In an article I wrote titled: Life Is a Series of Beautiful Struggles or Nothing At All, I outline how the decisions we make today have a ripple effect in our lives and the lives of others.

Our choices lay the foundations to create the future of tomorrow. To make better choices, pay attention to your personal growth and upgrade your level of awareness to experience life fully.

To draw on a software analogy, you shift from perceiving life from a Windows 98 framework to a Windows 10 version, equipped with better processing capabilities.

You begin to act in accordance with your core values and make informed choices based on the truth of your reality.

Therefore, as you abide by the truth and align with your core being you are likely to end up where you need to be having made choices that are self empowering.

If you wish to make sense of life in your final hours, relinquish the need for answers while living from your current position.

Life is not to be understood but experienced entirely, replete with good and bad moments for that is the essence of the human condition.

I leave you by drawing on the words of George Bernard Shaw who said: “I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake.”

The post When You Think You Have All the Answers, Life Changes the Questions appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

This Is Why You Live In The Feeling Of Your Thinking And Experience Life From Inside Out

Experience Life From Inside-Out

“Thought is not reality; yet it is through Thought that our realities are created.”— Sydney Banks

The late Scottish born philosopher Sydney Banks stated: “Someone once said to me, ‘Are you telling me that chair isn’t real, that it’s only thought?’ I said ‘Of course the chair is real. But it comes to you via Thought’.”

Banks went onto discover The Three Principles of Mind which influenced the practice of psychology and psychiatry in the years to follow.

The Three Principles of Mind are:

Mind: The universal intelligence behind life which is the source of all.
Consciousness: The awareness of life unfolding and what we create.
Thought: The ability to create, through thinking.

How does this relate to you?

Stay with me a moment as I unpack this further.

Many people subscribe to the outside-in paradigm whereby circumstances out there are responsible for the way they feel.

And that makes sense.

I don’t disagree because I’ve experienced such moments until I became aware of my thoughts.

The point is, you create your experience of life from inside-out, not the other way around.

American sports psychologist Garret Kramer says: “You’re never feeling your circumstances. You’re always feeling your thinking, which, independent of your circumstances, is constantly in flux. This explains why a circumstance can look troubling one moment and okay the next.”

No one or no event can make you feel what you don’t already believe. I may try to impose my thoughts or reality on you, but if you don’t believe it at the level of thought, you don’t experience it emotionally.

It was the Cuban born essayist Anaïs Nin who said: “We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”

Your reality is the sum of your past conditioning. It has to be, because no two people share the same view of reality, even twins differ in the way they perceive the world.

This is empowering for several reasons, not least because it confirms we are in control of how we respond to life’s circumstances.

The Four Noble Truths

“All feelings derive and become alive, whether negative or positive, from the power of Thought.”  — Sydney Banks

Life does not happen to you, but develops through you.

Moreover, life is happening for you.

I know it may not seem that way and I didn’t believe it until I upgraded my perception of reality.

When you allow life to be what it is without attaching a narrative to it, suffering is diminished because you cease to oppose what is.

Consider life being akin to water instead of a rock. Since water is malleable, it will flow around the rock and erode it to find its own level.

By embracing the same attitude, you abandon your storyline of how life should develop in a certain way and allow life to advance in its own way. Your thinking is a mind-made narrative and not the reality you experience.

The Japanese writer Haruki Murakami writes in What I Talk About When I Talk About Running: “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”

Pain and suffering are important tenets espoused in Buddhism and encapsulated in The Four Noble Truths:

The Truth Of Suffering
The Truth Of The Cause Of Suffering
The Truth Of The End Of Suffering
The Truth Of The Path That Frees Us From Suffering

The point worth emphasising is that suffering is a state of mind. This is illustrated in Viktor Frankl’s personal experience as a Holocaust survivor in a German concentration camp.

Frankl writes in Man’s Search For Meaning: “Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose.”

Similarly, the evangelical Christian pastor Charles Swindoll said: “Words can never adequately convey the incredible impact of our attitude toward life. The longer I live the more convinced I’ve come to believe that life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we respond to it.”

The connecting theme lies in our response to events outside of us, not the circumstances themselves.

“Knowing that your feelings come from the inside (your thinking), and not the outside (your circumstances), is what allows your state of mind to self-correct when you are troubled,” affirms Garret Kramer.

You Live In The Feeling Of Your Thoughts

“Mind is not brain. Neither is it a thing or a thought. It is a psychic force which acts as a catalyst and turns thought, whatever conscious or unconscious, into the reality you now see.” — Sydney Banks

I often hear my young nephews cry out when their playing together turns sour: “He made me feel this way.” In that instance, I’m reminded how naïve their perception is, albeit given their age.

However, I’ve heard the same conversations in adults who subscribe to the same thinking. Curiously, these same people endure intense pain and suffering, since they concede other people or life’s circumstances are the cause of their suffering.

They are not wrong, nor are they right. They are simply unaware of the inside-out paradigm and respond to life based on their level of awareness.

Can you see how misleading and painful this line of thinking can be?

No one outside of you is responsible for the way you think and feel, if you don’t already act that way for the most part.

They may try to impose their beliefs on you and succeed because you already subscribe to those beliefs and so they become active in you.

You also needn’t follow the Buddhist Eightfold Path to overcome suffering, but just realise you live in the feeling of your thoughts.

When you become aware and awake to your thoughts, you are less attached to the meaning they carry.

You become an outsider looking in on your thoughts. You are the witnesser and observer, rather than the person whose thoughts are being imposed upon them.

The post This Is Why You Live In The Feeling Of Your Thinking And Experience Life From Inside Out appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

Your Attitude Is The Lock On The Door, Or The Key To The Door Of Success

The Barometer Of Success

“It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.” –  Dale Carnegie

The American motivational speaker Denis Waitley said: “Your attitude is either the lock on, or the key to the door of success.”

That passage is the inspiration for this article, owing to its message of self-ownership.

I consider the Self to be the key to the door of success, an attribute successful people recognise because of years having toiled away in their respective fields.

The Self is the enduring psyche hidden underneath the ego. Call it spirit or soul, yet many recognise this timeless quality as the core to one’s success.

It was the American self-help author Napoleon Hill who wrote in Think and Grow Rich: “Remember, too, that all who succeed in life get off to a bad start, and pass through many heartbreaking struggles before they “arrive. The turning point in the lives of those who succeed usually comes at the moment of some crisis, through which they are introduced to their ‘other selves’.”

The alternate self he speaks of is the Higher Self, perceived to be in union with an infinite source. It is whereby an extra hand seemingly guides your steps throughout life.

However, one of the greatest attributes to success, apart from the Higher Self, is your attitude.

A positive attitude is not enough because it can be feigned, it is something more profound and constant. A deeper realisation that you will prevail against the odds, despite outer conditions.

Your attitude serves as the barometer of success.

Whilst motivation, determination and courage are admirable qualities, without the right attitude they are an ember without a flame to light the way.

Temperament, Not Intelligence

“Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.”— Zig Ziglar

The evangelical Christian author Charles R. Swindoll wrote in Strengthening Your Grip of the need to develop an unwavering attitude in light of our challenges: “I believe the single most significant decision I can make on a day-to-day basis is my choice of attitude. It is more important than my past, my education, my bankroll, my successes or failures, fame or pain, what other people think of me or say about me, my circumstances, or my position.”

“Attitude keeps me going or cripples my progress. It alone fuels my fire or assaults my hope. When my attitudes are right, there’s no barrier too high, no valley too deep, no dream too extreme, no challenge too great for me.”

Attitude provides the altitude for your dreams, goals and achievements. It infuses them with a commitment to excellence, perseverance and a determined resolve to act in the face of fear.

Attitude is a temperament that helps you conquer your emotional self. Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence) is the measurement of your capacity to endure adverse conditions.

The British-born American investor Benjamin Graham said: “Individuals who cannot master their emotions are ill-suited to profit from the investment process.”

Similarly, Warren Buffett considers one’s temperament, not our intelligence to be responsible for managing wealth. He believes most people’s emotional intelligence can deal with a twenty percent growth in wealth or a twenty percent loss. Any more or less requires unwavering emotional resilience.

It is the same story told of lottery winners who are worse off within five to ten years after their win because they lack the emotional means to manage their finances.

Attitude is everything.

Attitude engenders your response to life’s circumstances.

An Attitude Of Readiness

“Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.” – Winston S. Churchill

The right attitude leads to empowering emotions essential for success. Your thoughts and beliefs are the engines that breed the right attitude.

“Keeping one’s attitude positive, especially when the world conspires to make us mad, is one of the great accomplishments of life,” explains Brendon Burchard in The Motivation Manifesto.

Life is fickle and uncompromising.

Yet interspersed throughout these moments are the tiny treasures reminding us that the struggle is also the culmination of healthy ideals leading to success.

We must temper our attitude and master our inner growth, not for what it brings to our life, but because of who we become when success shows up.

Jeff Olson says in The Slight Edge: “Showing up consistently with a good attitude for a short period of time isn’t going to cut it. You’ve got to show up consistently with the good attitude, being patient and persistent for a long time to create lasting change.”

I realise maintaining a positive attitude is challenging because life will break your spirit and crush your soul, even those with the noblest intent.

Consider the Navy Seals BUD/S training, which has an attrition rate of 80 percent of candidates according to author Steven Kotler in Stealing Fire: How Silicon Valley, the Navy SEALs, and Maverick Scientists Are Revolutionizing the Way We Live and Work.

It is for good reason the attrition rate is high because the process eliminates those incapable of developing the right attitude and emotional resilience in critical field operations.

The BUD/S training serves as a metaphor for life, where those who fail to reach their goals resulting from their inability to embrace failure, defeat and setbacks.

Therefore, cultivate an attitude of readiness, grit and a strong temperament. For when the time is right, the key to the door of success will be close at hand.

The post Your Attitude Is The Lock On The Door, Or The Key To The Door Of Success appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

This Is Why The World Doesn’t Need More Successful People

Hidden Problems

“The plain fact is that the planet does not need more successful people. But it does desperately need more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers, and lovers of every kind. It needs people who live well in their places. It needs people of moral courage willing to join the fight to make the world habitable and humane. And these qualities have little to do with success as we have defined it.” — David W. Orr, Ecological Literacy

Everywhere you look nowadays there are entrepreneurs, start-ups and successful people rising from obscurity to outlandish success.

Judging from the title, you would be forgiven for thinking I’m proposing there’s no place for successful people in the world. But that is not my intention.

The point I wish to underscore is the view of promoting the peacemakers, healers, the storytellers and the socially responsible.

This is about considering whether an alternative definition of success is possible and sustainable in the coming decades.

Lama Surya Das says in The Big Questions: How to Find Your Own Answers to Life’s Essential Mysteries: “Mahatma Gandhi said that this world has enough resources for everyone’s need, but not for everyone’s greed.”

In a rising globalisation and consumption obsessed world, most people are concerned with the next smartphone device. So much so, that the anticipation builds for months before the release of the product.

Scroll through an Android or Apple store and you are inundated with millions of apps to choose from. At the time of writing this, there are between 2.2 to 2.8 million apps available.

So it begs the question: Do we need that many apps?

Do we need more start-ups or products claiming to make our lives easier?

Many of these services are forced onto consumers and marketed in such a way as to convince people of the need for them.

It was author Chuck Palahniuk who wrote in Fight Club: “We buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like.”

Apps and services that claim to make life easier come with hidden problems that impose on our freedom.

Take for example online dating, which has allowed people to choose from a wider pool of prospective suitors. However, whilst it has liberated modern-day dating, it has brought with it downsides such as people content to play the field, inauthentic connections, loneliness and sometimes isolation.

Todd Kashdan and Robert Biswas-Diener states in The Upside of Your Dark Side: Why Being Your Whole Self–Not Just Your “Good” Self–Drives Success and Fulfillment: “A faster pace of life is also related to lower rates of achievement and money saving. The more convenient everything is, the less likely people are to engage in troublesome self-control.”

When I read about start-ups that claim their product is an essential offering, I remind myself they haven’t carefully examined the implications until it stops functioning as intended.

Avoiding Pain 

“What can educators do to foster real intelligence? We can attempt to teach the things that one might imagine the earth would teach us: silence, humility, holiness, connectedness, courtesy, beauty, celebration, giving, restoration, obligation, and wildness.” — David W. Orr

So if the world doesn’t need more successful people, what does it need?

Success is a narrow-minded term defined by society. If you don’t abide by its definition you are considered unsuccessful.

Beyond that description, material wealth is judged as the pinnacle of success.

Scroll through the question-and-answer site Quora on any day, and you are flooded with questions like:

How do I become a billionaire?

What is the secret of being a billionaire that most people don’t know?

What does it feel like to be rich?

Admittedly, they are posted by a younger demographic who consider billionaire status to be the elixir to happiness. Little do they know, wealth and fame do not equate to happiness if their intentions are self-centred and hedonistic.

“The truth is that you can create success in the material world by working hard and being smart, which I did! But if you’re not authentic within that success, the experience will be unsatisfying,” states Colette Baron Reid in Uncharted: The Journey Through Uncertainty to Infinite Possibility.

At the time of writing this, a popular female artist has released her latest single with over 250 million views on YouTube and rising.

Yet, a search on environmental issues or those confronting humanity is unlikely to gain a 10th of those views.

Sure I get it, issues like these are not sexy topics. We defer our attention from what is important and focus on what entertains us.

Known as the psychological pain-pleasure principle, it is defined as the instinctual seeking of pleasure and avoiding of pain to satisfy biological and psychological needs.

We avoid pain and focus our attention on the pleasures of the day while the pain intensifies, the longer we ignore it.

Lama Surya Das explains: “A Tibetan lama once told me that the main problem with worldly people is that they are constantly seeking happiness and fulfillment outside themselves, where it cannot be found.”

There must come a point where we can no longer ignore the important issues. The world cries out for people to influence humanity in the slightest way. The scariest part is: no one is listening.

Most people prefer the self-indulgence of music, television, celebrity scandals and gossip while the real issues slip through our fingers.

What can we do to get our attention?

Have we become so sensory overloaded that we fail to notice the slightest human suffering?

Success Is Near Reaching

“Our experience of the world is being impoverished to the extent that it is being rendered artificial and pre-packaged.” — David W. Orr

I cringe when people say their product or service will change the world. To my knowledge, there’s been notable individuals in the last two centuries who have delivered on that promise, but not as many as we’d like to believe.

I remind them, the world doesn’t need changing, that each person needs to change themselves first to affect the lives of those around them.

“We are the ones who will create the vision and bring into being the world we seek. And we have to do this individually as well as with each other. The more authentic and real you’re willing to become, the more you have the power to co-create a much better world not just for you but for all of us,” affirms Colette Baron Reid.

The world will not be saved by the promise of more apps or services to make people’s lives easier, since easier does not translate to a more fulfilling life.

The real work in the decades to come will come from our personal growth if we are to sustain humanity, not simply line our pockets or raise more capital to be the next Uber.

Author Jan Frazier explains in The Freedom of Being: At Ease with What Is: “If you want to lead a more peaceful life, the primary focus should shift from external events to the inner, as a general practice.”

The defined standard of success sustains people living in developed countries, but does nothing to enrich the lives of those in underdeveloped nations.

Cultivating your personal growth has the potential to affect others. The late Dr David Hawkins, a renowned psychiatrist and consciousness researcher showed a change in awareness from the level of Force to Power has the capacity to impact humanity on a global scale.

The message is simple: we must nurture our personal development foremost instead of being driven by success alone. Your success is near reaching and affects a smaller population compared to humanitarian efforts which have an international reach.

Sustainable farming, clean water, accommodation, helping children, community efforts, disease prevention, reducing crime, global warming and refugee crisis. These are the major threats to non-industrialised countries that will be a burden on the people of tomorrow.

The next generation will inherit our disasters if we don’t dedicate our time and financial resources to these movements.

“People from Asian cultures are often referred to as collectivists, because their basic social unit is the group rather than the individual. Collectivists are more likely to put their desires on hold if that contributes to the larger good of the group. Collectivists are more likely to want to fit in than to be unique,” state authors Todd Kashdan and Robert Biswas-Diener.

It is this collectivist idea we must harness if we are to create a world worth passing on to the generation of tomorrow.

If we continue to rape and pillage our planet at the current rate, our economies and environment we will be nothing more than a hostile and uninhabitable place.

The post This Is Why The World Doesn’t Need More Successful People appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

This Is The Key To Living Beyond Your Fears And Embracing A World Of Wonder

Fear Is Feedback

“Keep your fears to yourself but share your courage with others.”— Robert Louis Stevenson

Fear defines us, whether we like it or not.

It establishes a foothold deep within our psyche where it perpetuates as the oppressor of hopes and dreams.

Not because it wants to, but because the energy it maintains is one of despair. It is akin to a terrifying dream that never ends, only growing in intensity.

Fear is a dictator that grows louder because of the energy it receives. What starts out as a voice of reason, can accompany you throughout life if you’re unaware.

“Fear rips us from freedom. It is the destroyer of greatness. We know this, and we know we should tame our mind in order to defeat fear,” writes author Brendon Burchard in The Motivation Manifesto.

It is the unpopular kid at school who loiters around you during recess. Sure, you might feel sorry for him initially, but he is constantly there by your side.

Surely life is more than succumbing to our fears?

I know people who are not defined by their fears. They are renegades, adventurers and aspirants who don’t allow fear to dull their experience of life.

What do they know that others don’t?

Wonder.

The fearless amongst us have a sense of wonder and adventure. They approach life as an experiment and are curious about the world. Their passion and enthusiasm is central to facing their fears.

Fear is not something that stops them, but promotes them. It is feedback that signals something within their psyche they must confront. They realise when their fears intrude on their way of life, it is because they’re taking great strides in pursuit of their dreams and goals, and so it is natural to be terrified.

They use fear to promote their agenda instead of letting it defeat them. Most people are consumed by their fears because they believe the narrative it promotes.

“Fear, largely, is a waste of good life, one of the most capable thieves of presence,” writes Jan Frazier in The Freedom of Being: At Ease with What Is.

Fear is an emotion, just like other emotions. Granted, it has a stronger intensity than other emotions but it was never intended to stop us in our tracks, only to provide feedback on our actions.

Conquer Your Fears

“Obstacles are like wild animals.  They are cowards but they will bluff you if they can.  If they see you are afraid of them… they are liable to spring upon you; but if you look them squarely in the eye, they will slink out of sight.” — Orison Swett Marden

I invite you to become curious in the face of your fears. Investigate them, reason with them but don’t buy into the narrative they espouse. Don’t let it be a one-sided conversation because you have power, even in the face of your fears.

“Fear was given to us as a motive to avoid physical harm and death. That is it. We are the ones who have perverted it into a tool for the ego’s protection,” explains Brendon Burchard.

The secret to living beyond your fears is to approach them with curiosity while observing your reaction. So, if you fear asking your boss for a pay rise because he or she might say no, what small step can you take to overcome this fear?

You might compile a list of your achievements and highlight why you are due a pay rise, given the value you bring to the company.

Leverage your fears and you’ll discover the essence of your character. Assuredly, if you listen intently there is a subtle message guiding you to scale your fears. By listening closely, you come to understand the language of your fears.

The more you know something, the better you are at taking inspired action to overcome it. Through a sense of wonder you’ll conquer your fears because for most people fear is a STOP sign.

However, to the initiated fear is a PROMOTE sign, offering important clues about your inner psyche.

Wonder what it’s like to walk in to your boss’s office and ask for a pay rise.

Wonder how they respond in kind and grant your request.

Wonder, since anything is possible. You paralyse your fears and silence your doubts when you consider all possibilities.

Use your sense of wonder to rise above your fearful thoughts, because wonder is an agreeable emotion. It is neutral and inquisitive.

Let it take hold and move you toward your hopes, dreams and highest aspirations. Let no fear keep you down or stifle your greatness.

After all, it is the same phenomenon seen in the sunset that holds the key to living beyond your fears — a sense of wonder.

The post This Is The Key To Living Beyond Your Fears And Embracing A World Of Wonder appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

This Is Why Working Harder On Yourself Than Your Job Is The Key To A Great Fortune

A Powerful Inner Resolve

“If you work on your job, you’ll make a living. If you work on yourself, you’ll make a fortune.” — Jim Rohn

The late American motivational speaker Jim Rohn knew something many people don’t: success is an inside job.

A good deal of your future success will arise from your mindset.

It is no surprise that those who are successful encounter frequent setbacks and failures.

To the uninitiated, failure may represent the absence of success. However, the person with a growth mindset knows failure is an opportunity to improve on their last attempt, drawing them closer to success.

If success is a journey then it comprises valleys and peaks, notwithstanding the many setbacks.

Gary Keller and Jay Papasan write in The One Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results: “Extraordinary results aren’t built solely on extraordinary results. They’re built on failure too. In fact, it would be accurate to say that we fail our way to success.”

The key to success lies in your willingness and determination to prevail, even in the face of adversity. It is an inner knowing, despite evidence to the contrary, that you will overcome your obstacles and silence your critics.

The right mindset and a powerful inner resolve are required on the path to success.

Setbacks are not intended to discourage you from attaining victory. They are orchestrated to enrich your personal growth and lead you closer to success if you stay the distance.

Working harder on yourself than your job requires paying attention to your mindset and nurturing your inner most thoughts.

Every failure, every obstacle draws you closer to the person you must become to realise victory.

Success is the sum of your personal growth. The person who attains outstanding success has cultivated their inner world and surmounted the challenges imposed upon them.

“Success builds on success, and as this happens, over and over, you move toward the highest success possible,” write Gary Keller and Jay Papasan.

Upgrade Your Mindset

“The greatest gift you can give somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, “If you will take care of me, I will take care of you. Now I say, I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me.” — Jim Rohn

Those who work hard on themselves instead of their job are invested in their personal development. They are committed to reading books, attending seminars and lectures, working with the right coaches and mentors and are lifelong learners.

They are humble in the face of victory and gracious in defeat. They realise life is about constant learning, developing and nurturing their greatest asset — themselves.

They do not have all the answers, but are willing to step out of their comfort zone and try new things, knowing the slightest information will create a snowball effect in terms of success when the time is right.

It was the French poet Victor Hugo who once said: “Nothing is more powerful than an idea whose time has come.”

The person who works hard on themselves is a leader who helps others succeed before them. They understand that in giving, they receive greater abundance and prosperity. This is a universal law and principle that whatever you sow, you shall reap.

A job pays you wages and if you are involved in sales, a commission. Nevertheless, it was Jim Rohn who reiterated in his talks: “Profits are better than wages.”

He understood that when a person develops their greatest asset and their innate strengths, he or she can create unlimited income. A wage is the fee you receive set by your employer, based on the exchange of services rendered.

Profits are unlimited only by your earning potential.

Jeff Olson explains in The Slight Edge: “Every day, in every moment, you get to exercise choices that will determine whether or not you will become a great person, living a great life. Greatness is not something predetermined, predestined or carved into your fate by forces beyond your control. Greatness is always in the moment of the decision.”

As you upgrade your mindset, so too does your bottom line.

Many people are unwilling to develop their greatest assets because they need certainty in their lives by way of a weekly income. It is this want for security that is their downfall because the harder you work on yourself, the greater your fortune because the sky is the limit.

You will only soar as high as you believe yourself capable of.

Therefore, your self-worth will determine your net worth.

As you develop a superior mindset, your net worth skyrockets because you are invested in your greatness, which yields far greater returns on your income.

The greatest fortunes are those developed over time, because success is a journey and requires staying the course.

Success requires a growth mindset that leads to the greatest victory and fortunes.

It is the pay-off of devoting time and energy on yourself, rather than simply working harder in your job.

The post This Is Why Working Harder On Yourself Than Your Job Is The Key To A Great Fortune appeared first on Tony Fahkry.

Here Are 5 Of The Most Powerful Ways To Stop Holding On To The Pain Of The Past

Emotional Unrest

“Renew, release, let go. Yesterday’s gone. There’s nothing you can do to bring it back. You can’t “should’ve” done something. You can only DO something. Renew yourself. Release that attachment. Today is a new day!” – Steve Maraboli

Imagine life without the disorganised thoughts playing out inside your head. Imagine a state of peaceful thoughts which come and go like the ocean tides – without struggle, pain or resistance.

Are you holding on to painful memories which you find difficult to let go of? Many people remain unconscious to these memories until they overwhelm them.

Holding on to pain may be akin to clutching hot coal wishing that you don’t get burnt. Each time a painful memory is recalled, it is brought to life by inviting the past into the present.

Have you experienced a moment throughout the day, when for no apparent reason you are drawn into a bad mood? Mood swings represent the unconscious self recalling past memories.

When we least expect it negative emotions such as anger, frustration, anxiety and sadness emerge. For some people holding onto pain signifies a badge of honour – it identifies them as one who has been victimised. They wear their badge to mark their identity and as a means to justify their victimhood.

In order to harness the richness of life we must be willing to let go of our pain. We must drop the story that accompanies the pain. This begins with the desire to release the pain and suffering in order to allow the new, fresh and expansive energy of life to permeate through our being.

By no means does this underscore the gravity of what occurred in the past. You are choosing not to carry the burden of the pain in the present moment and future. When we identify with our pain, we view the world through a distorted lens.

Those fleeting moments of joy and happiness are lost to a mind which has spent years drawing on painful memories. You may have come across people who carry their victimhood with them.

They use any opportunity to go to war with others when life does not play their tune. I see this frequently while shopping. Whilst standing in line I notice there may be only one checkout operator processing customer’s purchases. The checkout operator grows distressed at the growing queue of people standing in line yet is unable to go any faster.

A person standing in queue quickly grows impatient for being made to wait more than necessary. Suddenly they incite tension among other shoppers by rallying those who identified with their plight.

This example is an all too common experience in everyday life. It illustrates how minor situations can derail us and cause mental and emotional unrest.

Who Would You Be Without Your Story?

“When we think we have been hurt by someone in the past, we build up defences to protect ourselves from being hurt in the future. So the fearful past causes a fearful future and the past and future become one. We cannot love when we feel fear…. When we release the fearful past and forgive everyone, we will experience total love and oneness with all.” ― Gerald G. Jampolsky

It takes a great deal of energy to keep the past alive. The mental and emotional resources required could be better spent on other rewarding life experiences. Over time and if left untreated, painful memories have the capacity to transform into psychosomatic illnesses.

Mental health professionals believe it takes approximately one and a half minutes for the body to process an emotion. Knowing this we needn’t hold onto mental and emotional pain from the past, nor do we need to carry it with us for years.

Simply dealing with the emotion as it arises allows it to move through the body in a shorter amount of time and without the long term physiological effects.

Oftentimes people hold on to their pain for so long that it forms a safety blanket. They would feel lost without the pain and suffering. Afterall, they would have no story to tell. Perhaps others might find them uninteresting.

Who would they be without their story?

Bad things happen to good people every day. They have happen to good people all throughout human history.

One need only look to the concentration camps in Nazi Germany during the war to see the devastation it had on the lives of so many innocent people. Despite the brutality, one man emerged in his personal statement against his aggressors.

Viktor Frankl’s quote highlights our power to transform external life’s events into meaningful personal victories. He reminds us: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

In order to release your pain, make an inner declaration to choose peace, happiness and freedom – even if you don’t know how. Once you abide by this affirmation, the healing process has already begun and your unconscious mind will naturally move toward a state of peacefulness through your thoughts.

You owe it to yourself and your loved ones to release yourself from the mental prison that has held you captive all this time. I can assure you that life is far richer without the burden of pain memories.

The Real Story Of Your Authenticity

“When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.” — Alexander Graham Bell

Victims never heal – they simply carry the wounded victim title around showcasing it to people who will listen to their plight. It makes them feel acknowledged they have suffered an indignity.

Yet if you continue to feed and perpetuate this story, your mind naturally becomes accustomed to it by buying into it. That’s why affirmations work – anything repeated often and with emotional intensity has the power to transform the subconscious mind and thus bring life to the thought.

The mind thrives on creating a storyline to substantiate what it sees or experiences. Yet awareness has the experience well before the mind has had time to create a thought to validate it.

In his book Simply Notice: Clear Awareness Is the Key To Happiness, Love and Freedom, author Peter Francis Dziuban reinforces the idea of the mind seeking to add commentary to your life’s experiences: “Before something can clearly be seen or perceived for what it is, thinking is already adding judgements and commentary, acting like a smoke screen.”

Therefore if you constantly create a narrative around your emotional experiences, the mind creates a smoke screen as the author suggests to conceal what is really taking place beneath the surface.

In time the real self becomes obscured by this screen since you have bought in to a false facade instead of the real story of your authenticity.

To create a new and more empowering future requires that you create a space in your life to heal the past and release the pain.

In order to release the pain you must be willing to engage the following attributes towards carving out a path towards inner peace and freedom.

1. Commitment

“Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is nothing you can do about the wrongs of yesterday. It is not yours to judge. Why hold on to the very thing which keeps you from hope and love?” — Leo Buscaglia

A person who has undergone mental and emotional trauma may find it difficult to let go of their suffering. They protect themselves by erecting an emotional barrier which distances them from having to feel the emotions again or relive the mental anguish of the pain.

Unfortunately the mind becomes astute at creating a barrier that in time it becomes impenetrable to deal with the emotional wounds. Your commitment to healing the past by letting go of these wounds if the first step in reconciling with the past.

The commitment heralds the process of facing the past by bringing unresolved issues to the surface in order to heal them. The challenge posed with honouring this commitment arises when confronting the pain, since this can be overwhelming at first.

We must take refuge that to heal the past we must be willing to push through the pain, since pain is where personal growth and healing resides.

Without it we continue to conceal the pain by using whatever means to keep us from facing the past. This may mean resorting to stimulants or unconducive behaviour which acts to distract us from the real issue.

Once the commitment is made, trust that your healing process had already begun through your willingness to face the past.

2. Acknowledge The Pain

“I don’t regret difficulties I experienced; I think they helped me to become the person I am today. I feel the way a warrior must feel after years of training; he doesn’t remember the details of everything he learned, but he knows how to strike when the time is right.” — Paolo Coelho

Masking pain may work for the short-term, yet it does not address the underlying issue. It would be akin to applying band aid to a gushing wound hoping the blood would stop. The deep wound may require stitches and further medical care in order to properly heal.

Acknowledging the pain invites you to feel the emotions connected to the pain, rather than stuff them down hoping that will go away.

Remember: what you resist, persists.

The energy expended towards stuffing down unwanted emotions far exceeds the energy required to heal the emotion. Resistance is a stone wall which overshadows our best intentions to thrive and prosper.

We resist how life should unfold, since we are caught up in a mental and emotional battle to make sense of reality.

What if I told you there’s another way?

What if you did not have to carry the scars of the past with you any longer?

What if instead of waging battle against the currents of life, you simply went along with it?

In his book When Everything Changes, Change Everything, author Neale Donald Walsch offers us the wisdom that life is our soul’s calling towards its own self-discovery.

Those untoward events serve not to punish us, yet to reveal your deepest wisdom. Untoward events and circumstances do not need to happen TO YOU.

Dealing with discomfort and pain may be confronting, although life is cyclical and everything must come to an end; even pain. Therefore instead of running away from your emotions, lean into them by experiencing them fully.

This in itself will transform your fear, anxiety or anger. Let go of what you believe life owes you and step into your challenges.

Rise to them armed with courage and a compassionate heart. Maintain confidence that you have been presented with an experience from which to personally evolve.

3. Acceptance

“Only by acceptance of the past can you alter it.” — T.S. Eliot

Everyone encounters pain throughout their life. To sail through life without the contrasting emotional intensities would be to deny your personal growth. Character is formed under difficult circumstances, much like a diamond is formed under heat and pressure.

Pain and suffering begins in childhood and continues throughout life. What people do with inner wounds that stem from pain will determine their attitude and actions throughout life.

Inner wounds trigger some to persecute themselves. They believe, “I must deserve this” or “I’ll never be good enough” and yet it is this way of thinking which keeps them in a state of unworthiness.

We can be hard on ourselves since we fail to respect our past and its accompanying pain need not be viewed as scars any longer. You are not a wounded soul because of your emotional experiences. You become the wounded victim when you repeatedly use those wounds to deflect from attending to the real pain inside.

By accepting the past rather than run away from it, you build a bridge which connects to your future self. The future self delights in bringing you the emotional resources you need to heal this very moment instead of bringing the past and present baggage into the future.

Imagine taking a train ride from one side of the country to one another and insisting on stopping over in each city to pick up souvenirs. By the end of your journey not only would you be broke, the amount of energy required to haul your suitcases filled with souvenirs would be physically taxing.

So it is with holding on to your pain. Acceptance does not deny you the pain incurred, it merely shines a light on the cracks so as to integrate them back into the wholeness of your being.

4. Releasing

“The past was always there, lived inside of you, and it helped to make you who you were. But it had to be placed in perspective. The past could not dominate the future.” ― Barbara Taylor Bradford, Unexpected Blessings

Emotional pain of the past can be held within the body if left unattended. A number of doctors have documented how emotions can cause a host of physical symptoms in the body.

Notably Dr John Sarno and Dr Don Colbert have written extensively on how toxic emotions have the capacity to manifest as physical pain.

They outline how emotions seek expression through you and if pushed down, will manifest in the body system. Releasing your emotional pain should be met with compassion. You are letting go of the pain and hurt with an open and loving heart in order to cleanse and make peace with the past.

The releasing process may be approached in a number of ways. For some working with a trained mental health professional might be the best decision so as to gentle release the pain gradually over time.

The skilled professional will deal with each situation individually, as some people may hold deeper emotional wounds than others, especially if there has been physical abuse. Others might turn to a spiritual leader within their community for healing. One’s faith in the healing process is paramount and will guide the person to gradually let go and surrender their emotional pain over time.

Mixed feelings may surface during the process as well as physical changes in the body, owing to the person purging themselves of the emotional burden carried all these years.

Dr Sarno describes healing back pain in hundreds of his patients who conveyed the emotions of anger and anxiety. Similarly Dr Colbert outlined how unforgiveness and betrayal had cause heart disease in a number of his patients who were unwilling to forgive.

As you release the emotional wounds of the past, a lightness fills your body and mind – a weight is shifted off your shoulders. This is the weight of carrying the disempowering emotions all this time.

5. Forgiveness

“The act of forgiveness is the act of returning to present time. And that’s why when one has become a forgiving person, and has managed to let go of the past, what they’ve really done is they’ve shifted their relationship with time.” — Caroline Myss

Forgiveness entails forgiving oneself as well as the other person. We are co-creators of our life’s experience. Acknowledging this means no longer having to play victim to all that transpires in our life.

There is power knowing life need not happen to us rather that it flows through us. As we create empowering choices which are aligned with our spiritual truth, we trust life functions perfectly within the container of universal wisdom.

We have faith that each experience serves a purpose in our personal evolution and once the lesson has been attained, we release and surrender it with openness to what will fill its place.

Your belief that you have performed “bad” actions in the past and the ensuing guilt is a flawed assumption which must be examined. A bad act does not define someone as being bad.

Your natural state consists of wholeness and goodness since you were not conceived in the image of evil. It is your thinking which discolours your perception that a bad act in the past must be punished accordingly.

Therefore as you heal the inner conflict contained within the inaccurate belief, you see self-forgiveness is possible and you need not persecute yourself any longer.

Furthermore if you search deeper within you will see that your intentions at the time were vested in self-preservation.

Our actions arise from the human instinct to take care of oneself at all times, therefore your actions were imbued with self-love rather than harm to others. Self-forgiveness should be viewed as a process which gradually opens the door to healing and allows us to surrender to life enacting her will through us.

We invite the healing energy of love which resides within us to permeate throughout our being. It is always there yet we conceal it by perpetuating a false myth of our guilt instead of our innocence.

The post Here Are 5 Of The Most Powerful Ways To Stop Holding On To The Pain Of The Past appeared first on Tony Fahkry.