Tony Fahkry's Blog, page 47
July 12, 2015
Stop Resisting and Embrace All That Is
“There are ultimately two choices in life: to fight it or to embrace it. If you fight it you will lose – if you embrace it you become one with it and you’ll be lived.” – Rasheed Ogunlaru
The disciples were involved in a heated discussion on the cause of human suffering.
Some said it came from selfishness. Others, from delusion.
Yet others, from the inability to distinguish the real from the unreal.
When the Master was consulted he said, “All suffering comes from a person’s inability to sit still and be alone.”
There is great truth that being alone in silence is a worthwhile antidote to overcome the weight of human suffering. We languish in sorrow because outside events unsettle our sense of stability, hence to change external conditions ameliorates the pain.
When intense or negative emotions arise, there is a heightened tendency to escape them. This could be attributed to the opinion that negative emotions should be tossed aside and not confronted.
The nature of reality is filled with pain and suffering. Interspersed are moments of joy and happiness to the degree that no untoward condition is permanent. It is how we respond to the difficult times that points the way to our personal growth.
In her book When Things Fall Apart, spiritual teacher Pema Chodron affirms, “Life is a good teacher and a good friend. Things are always in transition, if we could only realize it.”
We accept life’s unfolding events by allowing experiences to move through us with unreserved patience. The moment you resist pain, it pushes against you with an overpowering force until you concede.
Your darkest hour, however frightening can never extinguish the illuminating radiance of your being. Consider it to dimming the lights inside your home to impose darkness while it’s still daylight outside. Even through concealed curtains, the light still penetrates the dark.
Striving, longing and expecting are ways the mind places barriers around our happiness. We never know what life will bring, so we let go of fixed outcomes and trust conditions will advance of their own accord.
I appreciate Michael Singer’s view in his acclaimed book The Untethered Soul, “The only permanent solution to your problems is to go inside and let go of the part of you that seems to have so many problems with reality.”
The minute you resist life, you are called to surrender to the unfolding conditions. In the moment you concede to universal intelligence, you merge with the natural order of events.
When pain emerges, drop into it instead of resisting it.
Why?
Because your resistance signifies your opposition to life. It is your resistance to what is that is the source of suffering, not the pain itself.
Trust in your capacity to overcome whatever arises. Trust in life and the unseen forces that conspire to help you in the unfolding of your personal story.
“Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don’t have to like it… it’s just easier if you do.” – Byron Katie
Celebrate life, knowing the sequence of events change. What seems unwelcomed at first may become your greatest teacher. Expect the foundations to be laid before assuming the worst.
“The point is to lean toward the discomfort of life and see it clearly rather than to protect ourselves from it,” states Pema Chodron.
Your life’s journey is composed of layers, concealed by the weight of past conditioning. By allowing life to unfold through us, we consent to uncover those layers. Similarly, as you encounter an experience and overcome it, another layer is revealed.
Charlene Belitz and Meg Lundstrom remind us in their book The Power of Flow, “If you get real comfortable, it’s less likely you’ll make a lot of progress. If you’re always seeking pleasure, you’re not necessarily in Truth.”
Unpleasant feelings are not to be avoided, yet embraced. This does not mean celebrate pain, though accept circumstances as they arise, knowing there’s a vital lesson contained within it.
The moment we declare our intention to move through pain, we activate the wisdom to overcome undesirable events. When we shy away from an experience, we resist the moment.
As you know, that which you resist intensifies until you are called to face the truth, amidst untenable circumstances.
At the least, to embrace life is a commitment that what transpires will do so of its own accord. We have two choices: resist what emerges or accept it with trusted humility.
What appears threatening at first is identical to thunder on a sultry night: loud and confronting, yet leads the way for the looming rain.
There is a reassuring quality in the wake of every experience. Even in the ravages of a natural disaster, the human spirit cannot be overshadowed. To rebuild one’s life, with stronger foundations is testament to our grounding legacy to survive any untoward condition.
Psychotherapist and teacher David Richo affirms in The Five Things We Cannot Change, “We worry because we do not trust ourselves to handle what happens to us. We worry because we do not trust that the way the chips fall will work out for the best.”
Yet everything works out for the best if we get out of our way and embrace all that is. Life is a self-organising system, functioning irrespective of our resistance to it.
This same force responsible for creating the cosmos has a good handle on the organisation of the universe, given its 14 billion year history.
It was the transformational author and critical thinker Werner Erhard who taught, “Life will resolve itself in the process of Life Itself.” There is little for us to do other than stay attentive to the outcome.
To embrace all that is, we must expand our notion of suffering to correspond with the natural order of events.
By spending quiet time in reflection every so often, we quiet the mind to allow the voice of reason to emerge, through the stillness of life.
The post Stop Resisting and Embrace All That Is appeared first on Tony Fahkry.
July 5, 2015
Remembering Who You Really Are
“The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.” – Michel de Montaigne
“Remembering who you really are is a subtle shift of attention from a tense present to the present tense.”
So echo the words from author and teacher, Jeff Foster, who calls us to reaffirm our attentiveness to the present moment. There is an aliveness to being grounded in the here and now, we slip out of the intriguing dream of the past to appreciate this moment.
If the past serves as accumulated memories, there can be no depth to our experience of it from our present state of awareness. Yet, if we are alive in the present moment, life materialises in that instance.
The aliveness of our present experience transcends any distant memory we hold on to. It is through this connection of the now that we unlock the gateway to a deeper relationship with our spiritual self.
Many people are oblivious to life’s deeper purpose. Just like mice in a lab experiment, they merely survive to the next meal before their time runs out, lamenting how life passed them by.
Yet it need not be this way. You have a choice to overcome any limitations that are self-imposed or otherwise.
Consider your response to the following:
What is your life story about?
Why are you attracting these life experiences?
What are the lessons contained within those moments?
These are questions to consider if we wish to pay closer attention to our purpose. What themes and struggles have followed you over time, to create the canvas of your life?
Every experience is unique to you because it compels you to evolve, otherwise you stay stagnant.
While it may sound like New Age cliché at a click, the wisdom you seek is contained within you. This is the same intelligence which directs blood supply to your beating heart and regulates the intricate division of cells.
We disassociate from our thinking mind, into the quiet space within to connect with that wisdom. You may call it home, others liken it to returning to a comfortable, yet reassuring presence they never left.
However you experience it, you are the expression of universal intelligence constantly shifting. You were conceived out of love, irrespective of the conditions that supported your birth.
Jeff Foster reminds us, “Remembering who you really are stops you living in suspense, longing for your next holiday, tired of life and waiting for retirement, and makes every day a holiday – a holy day. Which it always was, of course.”
“When one is a stranger to oneself, then one is estranged from others, too.” – Anne Morrow Lindbergh
I remember with fondness, catching the train to school each morning in my pre-teenage years. I saw office workers clutching the daily newspaper under their arms, expecting the day ahead.
Coincidentally, it was during my ride home I observed those people grappling the same newspaper under their arms, appearing jagged and worn, having been read cover to cover. The paper was symbolic of how they felt working in a dreary job: worn out and listless.
I invite you to stop for a moment in your day to be alive – I mean really be alive in your surroundings. Notice your breathing, your heartbeat, your thoughts which arise and fall to produce the accompanying emotions. This is life functioning as the individual you call “I.”
It is no surprise you are the director and star in your life’s story. Whilst you have a minor influence how the plot unfolds, you have the power to direct the course of your destiny nevertheless, instead of being stuck in your current circumstances.
As a powerful co-creator and through the power of your mind, you set this intention to coincide with your heart’s desire.
“Question: Since you are here to remember who you are, why have you forgotten? Answer: Perhaps you have lived another’s dream and not your own,” states author Rusty Berkus in his book To Heal Again.
What if this life is a dream, a very real dream? What if you were to awake from this dream to realise you haven’t really lived or worse still, just survived?
I am reminded of the uplifting Samuel Taylor Coleridge poem which invites us to acknowledge our power to create a wonderful world, “What if you slept? And what if, in your sleep, you went to heaven and there plucked a strange and beautiful flower? And what if, when you awoke, you had the flower in your hand? Ah, what then?”
To honour our inner wisdom is the core of our spiritual evolution. We reconnect with our authentic nature by honouring the values which point us toward our true self.
As we abide by these values, we awaken our genius, our potential and the willingness to see through the lingering fog of confusion. We never disconnect from our source of knowing, rather we lose our way back to it.
There is a salient undercurrent which simmers beneath the surface of human-kind. This mysterious energy is unassuming and yet is known when you meet somebody who leaves a lasting impression on you.
Some are fortunate to connect with this spiritual energy during their lifetime while at the same time accomplishing their deepest desires. For others who stray from their spiritual self, it heralds the path back home.
“However, every moment is an invitation to remember, that although the waves of consciousness may rise and crash, in the Ocean’s depths lives the deep peace and silence of yourself. Silence, and knowing,” affirms Jeff Foster.
I encourage you to surrender labels, ideas and beliefs of who you think you are. This is a formed image that keeps you safe in the world. You don’t need this persona anymore than you need reading glasses when your eyesight is 20/20.
Life leads you to discover this unyielding Self by guiding you to honour the foundations of your unlimited potential.
To remember who you really are requires a subtle shift from struggle, worry and anxiety to being surrounded by the richness of the present moment.
Who we are is contained within those pockets of tiny moments, interspersed throughout our life. If we are not completely aware of them, they pass us by at the drop of a hat.
The post Remembering Who You Really Are appeared first on Tony Fahkry.
June 28, 2015
The Life You Deserve To Live
“There is no passion in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” – Nelson Mandela
“The givens of life are gifts because they are the ingredients of character, depth and compassion,” states David Richo in The Five Things We Cannot Change.
There is celebrated wisdom in that simple message and when overlooked it results in life’s ensuing dramas.
Being irrational creatures, we fail to see past our tragedies to realise life gives us encouragement even though it may not appear in the form we expect.
Yet your time here is not meant to be a cycle of pain and suffering. It is within your power how you chose to respond to life’s unfolding events. Contained within that choice are your greatest lessons if you withhold judgement on how life should develop.
To concede defeat, you award power to those unpleasant events by perpetuating the victim role, which is an easy trap to fall into. And so, with restrained patience we remain vigilant in how we respond to life’s ups and downs.
Happiness is a choice, not an unattainable goal.
You move toward happiness the moment you declare your intention to do so. Equally, we may be content, yet happiness may elude us. When happiness entails our material and emotional needs being met, we allow it to permeate our lives with unbound richness.
With our basic needs fulfilled, we want nothing more than the comfort of being present within our own body. Even unwanted thoughts fuelled with fear or anxiety are powerless over us since they are transitory states.
Your obligation is to abide by something deeper if you wish to live the life you deserve. Stand for something which conveys control and a reason to attend to the day.
We receive what we ask of life.
What we claim equates to our self-worth. Our self-worth is in direct proportion to the sum of our life’s experiences. You cannot demand more if you are undeserving at some level.
If you have issues with receiving, this is likely to show in how much life affords you. However, if your beliefs coincide with what you deserve, that becomes your reference point.
Unresolved childhood wounds are often related to unworthiness issues that perpetuate through maturity. Perhaps your main caregiver convinced you of your unworthiness and you have held onto this all this time.
In his book, The Mind Body Code, author Dr Mario Martinez affirms this point stating, “You were never robbed of your power or your worthiness; you inadvertently disowned them.”
For that reason, avoid responding to subjective thoughts to what is lacking. Do not concede to disempowering thoughts based on an internal script. With enough energy, these learned beliefs sooner or later transform into negative states.
Your reality is formed by aligning with your deepest values, not by reciting worn-out childhood inner dialogues. This is not who you are, any more than choosing to associate with your childhood toys. Reality is reflected in your thoughts, desires and beliefs on what you deserve and are willing to accept.
“Sometimes you have to forget what you want to remember what you deserve.” – Unknown
“Because if the decisions you make about where you invest your blood, sweat, and tears are not consistent with the person you aspire to be, you’ll never become that person,” states Clayton M. Christensen in his book, How Will You Measure Your Life?
Be bold through your willingness to commit to your dreams.
Don’t be pushed by life’s failures since they often redirect you to a better-suited destination if you allow the journey to unfold.
Be moved by your passion and your heart’s desires.
There is discussion these days on the merit of visualising a purposeful future. Whilst much of the advice comes from well-intentioned life coaches, the guidance invites you to call on your imagination to bring reality to life. You have to believe it before you see it maintains the biblical saying.
To embrace the life we deserve, we step into our greatness not cower from it. You have nothing to fear other than fear itself, which holds you captive by playing small.
Marianne Williamson reminds us, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” Just like a double-edged sword, if we shy away from our magnificence, it has the potential to impair our growth if we fail to use those gifts.
I enjoy Steven Pressfield’s view, “A child has no trouble believing the unbelievable, nor does the genius or the madman. It’s only you and I, with our big brains and our tiny hearts, who doubt and overthink and hesitate.”
Be present and alive in each moment instead of floundering in the past or focussing on an imaginary future. Many people prevent a promising future from arriving due to negative thoughts and a belief they are undeserving of goodness.
To create the life you deserve, take inspired action and move out of your comfort zone. “Life happens at the end of your comfort zone,” declares Neale Donald Walsch.
In honouring this intent, author David J. Schwartz acknowledges this belief in The Magic of Thinking Big, “Believe it can be done. When you believe something can be done, really believe, your mind will find the ways to do it. Believing a solution paves the way to a solution.”
I opened this piece with a quote by the prominent psychotherapist David Richo Ph.D. who asserts that life’s gifts are the ingredients of character, depth and compassion.
To affirm these endowments we must face our challenges with binding conviction and a resolute heart.
For in striving, we attain inner freedom and as the Buddhist nun Pema Chodron says, “No matter what the size, colour, or shape is, the point is still to lean toward the discomfort of life and see it clearly rather than to protect ourselves from it.”
The post The Life You Deserve To Live appeared first on Tony Fahkry.
June 24, 2015
How To Be Comfortable With Uncertainty
Reality is filled with uncertainty. Nothing is permanent.
Life is in a constant state of flux.
We must collaborate with the forces of life if we seek to attain inner freedom.
https://www.facebook.com/tonyfahkry
https://twitter.com/tonyfahkry
The post How To Be Comfortable With Uncertainty appeared first on Tony Fahkry.
May 31, 2015
The Truth Will Set You Free
“I wish to become a teacher of the Truth.”
“Are you prepared to be ridiculed, ignored and starving till you are forty-five?”
“I am. But tell me: what will happen after I am forty-five?”
“You will have grown accustomed to it.”
This short tale symbolises that while we desire an authentic connection to our real self, pursuing the Truth may not be the charmed existence we hope for.
Your Truth is the source of all wisdom – every person retains their own Truth while no two are the same. To seek the Truth means seeing past the illusory thoughts of what life should be. “We perceive the world as we are, not as it is,” said Anaïs Nin. To see past the mind’s self-constructed bias, we surrender thoughts which perpetuate this distortion.
The Truth is relative to what you observe and what you hope to see. No two people have the same experience, given subjective reality.
It was the late Dr David Hawkins, a renowned psychiatrist and spiritual teacher who wrote in Truth vs Falsehood: How to Tell the Difference: “The human mind, by virtue of its innate structure, is blind to its limitations and innocently gullible. Everyone is the victim of the ignorance and limitation of human ego.”
Living in the material world means we are unable to escape the vicissitudes of sweeping changes ushered through life. From the moment of conception we are indoctrinated with rules, beliefs and ideas not of our choosing. I mean that in the kindest possible way – we are at the mercy of those we trust to reason the world for us.
Yet many of these beliefs remain unchallenged throughout our life. We need only interact with adults who behave in a regressed, child-like state to notice how they perceive the world through an automated lens.
Still, these same people claim to know the Truth, “Everyone secretly believes that their view of the world is correct and any other is wrong. Thereby opinion becomes promoted to “ostensible” fact and pseudovalidity,” states Hawkins.
So what is Truth at its core?
To live the Truth means to live according to your authentic self. To think and reason the world without other people’s thoughts to dominate your mental landscape. Popular culture is lined with the herd mentality espoused through: mainstream music, pop culture, political influences and inauthentic leadership. These are ways in which our minds are subdued into a distorted illusion of what is real.
In his book, Your (Re) Defining Moments, author Dennis Merritt Jones states, “We have to enter into unknowing to discover the truth, because there is no room for unknowing in a mind that believes it already knows the truth.”
“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.” - Marcus Aurelius
I am reminded of the Zen teaching, "Like this cup, you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?" We must empty our minds of inaccurate distortions to discover the Truth – a busy mind cannot gain new information when it overflows with ideas.
How do we arrive at this state of emptiness?
In an earlier article I affirmed everything is relative to the perceiver. For example, you do not see the sun where it is now since it has moved. You see it where it was eight and a half minutes ago, given the Earth’s approximate distance from it. Subjective reality asserts other people’s perception differs to yours since no two people share the same experience.
Who is right? Who upholds the Truth?
To take a different view, British-born philosopher Alan Watts states, “To “know” reality you cannot stand outside it and define it; you must enter into it, be it and feel it.”
We must go beyond the self-created illusion if we wish to penetrate the Truth while letting go of thoughts that no longer serve us.
Speak your Truth, trust your Truth and live your Truth.
Be who you came here to be, irrespective of your religious denominations or cultural beliefs – live your Truth at the deepest level. Embody it, even if you take a lifetime to discover, it will have been worth it.
Refuse to be indoctrinated with someone else’s Truth – those same people are prone to regurgitate knowledge and have nothing new to offer the world. Such distortions will consume you until you honour your Truth by giving it life – yield to it. Whilst disheartening, the ego delivers a false impression of security as it consolidates its hold on you. The illusion keeps you from realising your authentic self.
“Truth and Reality are identical and eternally present merely waiting discovery,” affirms Dr Hawkins.
The Truth sets you free since it liberates you from a self-imposed prison disposed to minimise your potential. The wisdom of the soul is your real connection to your spiritual source – trust this connection to the Truth.
Confront the Truth with compelling certainty, an open mind and a sincere heart – then can you claim to have a command over it. Don’t allow the egoic voice to drown out your inner spirit. Reason and logic will bargain and banter to convince you the Truth is unattainable – don’t argue with it.
The Dutch philosopher Gerardus van der Leeuw reminds us, “The mystery of life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.”
Embody the Truth in your obligations, whether it be through your thoughts, actions or words. The world needs more original thinkers than naysayers who conform to popular opinion.
As James Blanchard Cisneros reminds us, “Once you awaken you will have no interest in judging those who sleep.”
May 23, 2015
The Art of Contentment
All questions at the public meeting that day were about life beyond the grave. The Master only laughed and did not give a single answer.
To his disciples who demanded to know the reason for his evasiveness, he later said, “Have you observed that it is precisely those who do not know what to do with this life who want another that will last forever?”
“But is there life after death or is there not?” persisted a disciple.
“Is there life before death? — that is the question!” said the Master enigmatically.
Contentment is your trusted ambassador and revered statesmen; your emotional safeguard. Those content have a calm presence, neither striving nor resisting the currents of life.
Anthony de Mello’s epigraph invites us to consider contentment tied to living a full life. Contentment summons us to see through the illusion that life be something more than it is.
A popular expression in mainstream culture nowadays is, cultivating gratitude. Taken out of context, people attempt to develop gratitude through logic and reason, instead of heartfelt sincerity. Gratitude emanates from the heart and necessitates practice and commitment to be known.
If you look for problems in untoward events, assuredly it will be there to greet you. However, if your attention is focussed on opportunity, it too will be there. So, perception accounts for everything.
It was the English essayist and poet Joseph Addison who states, “A contented mind is the greatest blessing a man can enjoy in this world.” Contentment is an inner state of composure. I liken it to a majestic tree - a stone tower, solid and unmoveable; its branches shooting out to offer shelter like an umbrella. Its roots fixed, knowing what nature intended it to be.
Contentment is sought in the smallest detail and fertilises the seeds of happiness. It is a developed state of being - we drift into contentment just as slipping into our favourite pyjamas. I find it interesting that people in third world countries are the happiest, whilst in the West we struggle to find happiness outside us unless it shines, beeps or blings.
Popular culture is built on the egoic belief we need more in order to be happy. The Zen Buddhist ideal leans towards the contrasting view – less is more. Whilst you need not wander from one extreme to the other, consider adopting aspects of the Eastern view into your life. You need not live free of Western influences, yet find a suitable middle ground.
In his book Spontaneous Happiness, Dr Andrew Weil, medical doctor and author, asserts, “A better goal in life is to be content. Contentment is an inner sense of satisfaction that is not dependent on external factors.”
“He is richest who is content with the least, for content is the wealth of nature.” – Socrates
Contentment is to appreciate what is instead of what could be. We draw strength from the reserve of life for our current circumstances, rather than focus on what is absent.
For centuries, philosophers have debated on what it takes to be happy versus content, believing the two are mutually exclusive. Contentment is the preceding level leading to happiness and is longer lasting. We can be content having our basic needs met: a job we enjoy, a fulfilling relationship, a home to go to and a sense of security.
It is shown that pursuing your passion is a good measure of contentment. Economic studies in the US suggest the earning level at which people no longer feel happier is $75,000 USD. Consequently, money is not a measure of happiness if something is missing from our lives. Added wealth only exaggerates what is already absent, i.e. loneliness, emptiness, fear, etc.
Knowing this, how can we find contentment in our everyday experience?
Cease comparing yourself to others since each individual retains their own problems to contend with. We must embrace the richness of the present moment, standing steadfast in our commitment to the life we have. Dan Harris, ABC correspondent and Nightline anchor, states in his book, 10% Happier, “When you have one foot in the future and the other in the past, you piss on the present.”
Similarly, slow to the pace of life. There is nowhere to get to in a hurry. Trade the rat race for the gradual speed of life. As you know, the tortoise ultimately finds its way to the finish whilst soaking in the richness of life along the way.
Let go of struggling by refusing to buy into the mental drama associated with it. There is a better way to control outcomes which rests in your hands. Life need not be one endless drama after another.
“Outside events link up with our inner thoughts and feelings, giving us a sense of participation with the universe,” state Charlene Belitz and Meg Lundstrom in their book, The Power of Flow.
Similarly, connect with your inner wisdom. This has been a recurring theme throughout earlier articles and worth reiterating. The source of your happiness is contained within, not in an external cause. Your search will be endless and only yield further craving and desire.
Dr Weil claims society has a skewed relationship of what it means to be happy, depicted in the pursuit of happiness. In this context happiness is viewed as an external pursuit to satisfy our emotional needs, instead of that contained within.
He says, “The goal of working toward optimal emotional health is to enhance: contentment, comfort, serenity and resilience.” In this way we roll with the ups and downs of life. I believe this to be worthwhile and practical advice. Stop chasing after the elixir of happiness to the detriment of your sanity. The promised chariot of hope is unattainable if we search outside ourselves for it.
“Is there life before death?” posed the Master to his disciples.
I encourage you to find contentment in the here and now rather than seek it in the unattainable. For you have no place to get to and nothing to attain if you have not embraced the life you have.
May 15, 2015
Letting Go Of The Person You Used To Be
“In order to be who you are, you must be willing to let go of who you think you are,” asserts Michael Singer in his acclaimed book, The Untethered Soul.
Our perception of self is a mental construct and does not represent who we are. The image of the Self is formed to preserve your position in the world and indicates who you represent.
From the moment of birth we identify with our human form and build an identity around it. As we mature from childhood to adulthood, this image is reinforced for the rest of our life.
Yet our lives are nothing more than the accumulation of past conditioning. You are not who you are today as a result of your past, but because of your past. By letting go of who you used to be, you allow the authentic self to emerge, instead of concealing it behind an imagined self.
In her book Mindfulness, author Ellen J. Langer states, “The more we realize that most of our views of ourselves, of others, and of presumed limits regarding our talents, our health, and our happiness were mindlessly accepted by us at an earlier time in our lives, the more we open up to the realization that these too can change. And all we need to do to begin the process is to be mindful.”
If you discard your identity, what is left?
The core self, the deepest part of your spiritual being.
How do you recognise this Self?
It has been with you throughout eternity and while you identify with your body and mind as separate, you disconnect from it.
We ignore our feelings by suppressing our emotions, to dissociate from painful moments. Our lives fall apart and we fail to see the writing on the wall, despite the obvious signs that we turn a blind eye to.
I want you to recognise your primary state is not one of anxiety, fear or stress. These are acquired states shaped through your environment. A child knows nothing of these ideas until attained through its learning. We are only the simple pure awareness at the core of our being.
Be vigilant against identifying with equivalent labels since it limits your evolution as a spiritual being. We erect a wall around us. Think of a baby elephant tethered to a stake in the ground. Whilst it matures to full-size, it remains unaware of its potential having accepted its limitations from an early age.
Similarly, we cannot assume our sole character will carry us through life and not be receptive to change. We must transform to cultivate our strengths. It is through experiencing pain that life offers us that opportunity.
“You’ve got to make a conscious choice every day to shed the old – whatever “the old” means for you.” - Sarah Ban Breathnach
In their best-selling book titled The Tools, authors and psychotherapists Phil Stutz and Michels Barry impart their wisdom related to our pain story, “Your experience of pain changes relative to how you react to it. When you move toward it, pain shrinks. When you move away from it, pain grows. If you flee from it, pain pursues you like a monster in a dream.”
Letting go of who you used to be is comparable to the caterpillar’s transformation to a butterfly. Change is the principle of life - we reframe change to coincide with our evolutionary development instead of regarding it as undesirable.
In light of this, I invite you to connect with your deepest wisdom. While it may sound like New Age mumbo jumbo, at the very least it is your connection to your spiritual essence. Who is the person behind the beliefs, thoughts and ideas? If I asked who you are, you’d recite a list of your past achievements, where you’ve been and what you do for a living.
But who are you now, in this moment?
It commands courage to discard the old self since we don’t know who we will become. As children we adopt our self-image from trusted authorities. Yet as adults, the role is assumed by us, which means having to navigate the treacherous road to discover our self-identity.
What if we get it wrong?
What if we don’t like who we become?
What if change is painful and we want to go back to our former self?
We can take refuge as long as we are moving toward the person we wish to be, we are heading in the right direction. There are no assurances, yet knowing pain is temporary is testament to the purpose it serves, while unbeknownst to us.
Phil Stutz and Michels Barry remind us once more, “Pain is the universe’s way of demanding that you continue to learn. The more pain you can tolerate, the more you can learn.”
We must be careful to avoid settling toward the journey to wholeness. People assume, “This is who I am and I cannot change.” This is erroneous thinking since one’s identity is fluid, enduring constant change over the course of your lifetime.
Equally, character is shaped and formed from an early age, yet it remains malleable throughout life. We adapt to our environment in line with our changing needs. The individual you knew as single in your twenties, is not the same person as when you’re married with children in your forties. You believe your character is fixed and this misconception stands in your way of attaining inner freedom.
Ultimately, our willingness to let go of the person we used to be creates a space for the person we have been all along – the complete, wholeness of the eternal self.
May 9, 2015
Find Your Greatness
“Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them,” declared William Shakespeare.
Helen Keller contracted what is believed to have been meningitis or scarlet fever at the age of 19 months and was left permanently deaf and blind. Her parents knew their chances of finding a teacher to work with her were slim, given their remote location in Alabama. Yet this did not deter her mother, Kate Keller from finding a teacher by the name of Anne Sullivan.
Anne had overcome her own physical problems to include vision complications which required repeated surgery to correct. Over the coming years Sullivan taught the ten-year-old Keller to read Braille to aid her learning capabilities.
It later became evident that Keller was eager to gain knowledge and soon after, graduated magna cum laude from Radcliffe College. Keller became a life-long advocate for the disabled and wrote twelve books, travelling to over 40 countries as a renowned speaker and author. Of the many honours received for her accomplishments, Keller obtained the Presidential Medal of Freedom, known as the highest civilian medal awarded by the President of the United States.
In light of Helen Keller’s story, I’d like you to consider your definition of greatness.
In their book, The Winner’s Brain by Dr Jeff Brown and Mark Fenske the authors state, “In 1954, psychologist Julian Rotter coined the term locus of control to refer to people’s belief about what causes good and bad things to happen in their lives. An internal locus of control reflects the belief you are master of your own destiny; an external locus of control reflects just the opposite.”
Helen Keller maintained a strong locus of control given her accomplishments and in view of her disabilities. It begs the question: are we born into greatness or does it develop it over time? I affirm that greatness is formed as a result of a nurturing environment. For some, hardship means to recoil in resignation. For others like Keller, it presents the opportunity to overcome restrictions to win through.
In an earlier article I stated, you are never presented with an experience to the sum of your conditioning. We must venture beyond our harbour of contentment if we wish to discover our genius.
Recognise your limitations but don’t let them define you. Similarly, don’t be deceived by a limited consciousness – expand, expand, expand your mind. In stating the obvious, being unaware of your potential means you’re less inclined to unearth your greatness. Those who know of their potential have an unyielding self-belief to expose themselves to the unknown.
“It is a rough road that leads to the heights of greatness.” – Seneca
Just as a tightrope walker knows death is imminent if he loses balance, he continues to push past the precipice of fear into the unknown. It is there he develops a deep respect for his pursuit, knowing his life can be taken away from him at any moment.
Don’t place limitations on what you perceive is possible. Far too many people discount what they’re capable of, given self-imposed ceilings of limitations. Those same people set lofty goals yet wonder why life is not imbued with passion. Take charge by accepting responsibility for your actions, irrespective of whether circumstances play out in your favour or not. Greatness summons you to venture into the unknown, often without a clear vision.
There are no assurances when one yields to greatness. Talent, genius and your impending gifts serve you when you step into your power. Greatness is attained when we follow our passions and build on our successes. As we pursue our dreams, our goals and our desires, we invest in our greatness.
“The greatest men and women are not competing against you; they are competing against themselves each and every day. You are your greatest competition," affirms Dr Stan Beecham in his book Elite Minds.
Greatness demands we overcome our inherent shortcomings as we are exposed to that which scares us. Author David Potter states, “We might gain perspective by considering how the Ancient Greeks determined greatness in athletes. Then and now, true greatness is as defined not by a single moment, but by the ability to build a record of extraordinary achievement.”
Greatness is attained when we dare to play big and for this reason it is commensurate with humility. The great are humble, knowing their talents, gifts and genius are expressed through them as infinite intelligence.
Equally, others suggest greatness extends from the soul. When an individual cultivates their soul’s gifts, greatness results to express this faculty. Those like Ghandi, Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King Jr. and others understood that to have an emotional impact on people, they had to align with their soul’s calling. It is written into their words and actions.
Pursue integrity by aligning with your deepest values. Honour these values to invest in your greatness. Just as connecting with your deepest nature reflects your soul’s quality, integrity is the glue which binds actions to greatness.
We are the sum of our actions and in the same way actions express our thoughts, they also reflect our self-worth. You strengthen your self-esteem by elevating your internal locus of control everytime you honour your integrity.
Shakespeare proposed three conditions for greatness in the opening quote while the Roman philosopher Seneca suggested adversity commands the path to greatness. Either way, greatness is the journey to overcome our limitations.
It was Michelangelo who affirmed, “In every block of marble I see a statue as plain as though it stood before me, shaped and perfect in attitude and action. I have only to hew away the rough walls that imprison the lovely apparition to reveal it to the other eyes as mine see it.”
I urge you to unearth your greatness, thus exposing the façade obscuring it.
In time, your doubts and fears will break away revealing your true, strong self. It this self that shall be seen by all.
May 2, 2015
The Art of Effortless Living
“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished” echoes the quote by the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu.
There is an inherent rhythm to life - everything follows an intricate order seen in a flock of birds, flying and ducking in unison. You needn’t clutch to things since life takes care of matters in due course.
Every condition maintains its own self-organising system to yield a perfect outcome. Everything flows in harmony without having to worry it won’t carry on as planned.
As we abide by this awareness, our willingness to trust life exceeds our reasoning. In their book, The Power of Flow by Charlene Belitz and Meg Lundstrom, the authors reinforce this message stating, “Flow is the natural, effortless unfolding of our life in a way that moves us toward wholeness and harmony.”
Effortless living then is the willingness to embrace the flow experience while setting aside the need for intended outcomes. We let go of circumstances which no longer serve us, instead of anxiously clutching at life. To let go signifies mental and emotional withdrawal from circumstances outside our control.
Energy is spent opposing life rather than going with the flow. It is the egoic mind which affirms it knows better than the infinite intelligence which guides the stars and planets. We recognise the folly in that assumption since we are a small cog in a well-orchestrated process.
In her book, The Art of Effortless Living, author Ingrid Bacci, Ph.D. reminds us, “…if we let go of doing and move toward being, every part of our lives will change for the better.” Ingrid’s passage affirms if we yield to the natural order instead of resisting it, life evolves in our favour. Accept what transpires by allowing it to work for you even when the details are obscure. The seeds of fortune are contained within adversity. We must look for hidden opportunities in every condition.
Avoid hastily casting judgement given the capacity to convey a biased opinion. Have you tried to rush through something and have it fall apart on you? Thomas Edison declared the light bulb required 10,000 trial and errors for its invention. You can’t rush what needs to evolve on its own timeline. Effortless living acknowledges cooperation with the forces of life.
Explore patience as a virtue if you are inclined to rush through life. What are you missing out by rushing? A hamster scurrying on a wheel recognises the harder it runs, the less it gets to where it needs to.
Trade the hamster wheel for the slow path – everything that must come to pass will do so naturally. If you are in a hurry, examine the cause. What are you avoiding? What are you afraid to see if life slows? That you are not in control?
Remain open to new experiences, new vistas and new doors which usher in welcomed change. Those who claim life is dull resist this facet of life. It might be unclear to you yet your presence in this space-time continuum is testimony to your magnificence. Do not be overshadowed by this realisation. Change forms the process of life and is essential to harness your personal power.
“If a warrior is to succeed at anything, the success must come gently, with a great deal of effort but with no stress or obsession.” - Carlos Castaneda
“You just have to let things be and not do anything about them. That is probably the greatest discipline in the world because our whole thing is about making it happen. The point is to be present and trust the process," state Charlene Belitz and Meg Lundstrom.
Similarly focus on what is important and let everything else fall away. You need not do more to carry out more. In fact, doing less often yields greater results.
Avoid your attachment to people, places or events since everything is impermanent. Clinging is rooted in fear which perpetuates more fear. Transform these thoughts to allow what needs to flow into your experience.
Let go of possessions which you no longer have use for. If you haven’t used it in the last three months, consider repurposing it. Having fewer material goods liberates us from the need to manage more. I am not suggesting you live an austere life, instead you should not seek solace in material possessions to reinforce your sense of self.
“Want what life wants,” affirms philosopher and spiritual teacher Guy Finley.
Avoid following the masses given the tendency to perpetuate mindless thinking. Popular culture expresses a recycled thought consciousness. If you seek to blend in, a place awaits you and you need not fight your way for it. Yet if you wish to be a thinker, a radical, an inventor, an optimist or creator, go out on a limb where the fruit is more satisfying.
Life invites you to take risks. Those risks may or may not pay off while others inspire you to experience yourself with renewed enthusiasm.
In his book, The Luck Factor, renowned author and psychologist Dr Richard Wiseman affirms, “Being in the right place at the right time is actually all about being in the right state of mind.” The state of mind Dr Wiseman is referring to is possible when we honour our true nature instead of waging an inner battle that we are bound to lose.
Effortless living follows from our resolve to quiet the muddy waters of our mind to allow the stillness to echo through us.
Lao Tzu reminds us that everything is accomplishing when we harmonise with the flow of life – not some things, yet all things to include the life we seek to live.
April 25, 2015
The Willingness To Change
Change is difficult.
If you hope to change a personal behaviour, save money or otherwise, the Gods of change are reluctant to smile upon you in those early stages.
Yet within our willingness to change lies the yearning for something more. Change heralds letting go of the tired, old and outdated to usher in the new. It shows we have gone so far with an endeavour and must allow something new to fill its place.
Change is the process of life, despite the unknown path ahead. The willingness to change is crucial in any transformation since it sets into motion what will soon become.
Your willingness to change is a desire to embrace a new way of life. We must be prepared to commit to new actions and confront our fears if we wish to embody the changes at a deeper level. We must venture beyond the known, beyond our comfort zone if we seek to attain inner growth. The growth I am referring to is realised when we rouse our potential, our genius, gifts and talents. Thus your willingness to change is measured by your ability to adapt to change.
If we are discontent with life and seek more honest experiences, we must embrace change on all levels. Albert Einstein said: “We cannot solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them.” Thus a new mental landscape must be formed if you wish to perceive your circumstances in a new light.
The commitment to change is an obligation to your personal growth and a promising future.
Change is the fabric of life – the seasons, the days, the landscape changes, yet we fear change. Thus we must abide by the cycles of life if we seek to reshape our circumstances. Fear of change is a natural response. You need not abolish your fears, yet integrate them into your experience. It was Susan Jeffers’ acclaimed book Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway which reminds us of our commitment to embrace fear as we undergo change.
Change is not indicative of losing control as many believe since we have limited control anyway. It implies surrender and detachment for the ultimate good of our personal evolution. An adjustment period is foundational to moments of growth and transformation. Allow time to acclimatise to these changes then allow it to sweep through. Life is not bound by our inner clock, so we must yield to what transpires with openness and receptivity.
A change in circumstances disrupts the brain’s thought process given its habituation to pattern recognition. Your mind considers historical evidence as memories to form assumptions about the future. Its habitual tendency is inclined towards established patterns. In his book The Click Moment, author Frans Johansson states, “Our brains have been designed to perceive order instead of randomness.”
“When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves.” - Viktor E. Frankl
We must acquaint ourselves with the change cycle if we wish to master change at any level. Justifiably we will slip up along the way as we integrate our new experiences into our life. This should not dissuade you from persisting, yet appreciate that the cycle of change diminishes suffering feelings of guilt along the way.
In an earlier article titled, How to Form Successful Habits, I outlined five ways to create new habits while drawing your attention to the transformative cycle of change. I encourage you to embrace change by being open and receptive to it. Unite with your heart and mind to navigate through it. Reason and logic alone are insufficient measures to realise change since they obscure the voice of wisdom.
Evidently, fear arises with any change due to uncertainty. Recall earlier that the mind is resistant to change. For that reason we must integrate new experiences into our life gradually so as not to disrupt the brain’s homeostasis. Our response to this perceived fear may be expressed via the following question: “Am I responding to the fear itself or the fear of not being in control?” Our aim then is to delineate between a perceived threat to our wellbeing or an irrational fear.
Fear is a facade orchestrated by the mind to protect you. Whilst it should not be construed as deleterious, your mind protects you from imminent danger by arousing suspicion when change is imminent. Fear is considered a threat to your survival when you become consumed by it since it dominates your mental landscape.
Resistance to change invites suffering by opposing what is. To avoid this, let go of your struggles and go along with the change ushered in - think unlimited opportunities. Recognise that change does not mean recoiling in hesitation, yet signifies an opportunity to move ahead into exciting times.
Many people are dissatisfied with their circumstances nowadays owing to many reasons. In my book, The Power to Navigate Life, I outline two states for instituting a harmonious passage through life. A Parked state denotes being stuck and stagnant. If we wish to change, we must adopt a Navigate mindset i.e. expansive, movement of energy, freedom, untethered and liberating. Those who Navigate life use these qualities to create fundamental change whilst adjusting their course along the way. Professor of Psychology at Stanford University Carol Dweck labels these types of people as having a growth mindset as opposed to a fixed mindset.
Knowing change is difficult we must stay grounded and attentive if we wish to amend our circumstances. Do not wallow in the past nor expect a future to arrive as planned, given its impact to arouse fear.
Trust that your willingness to change is enough to set into motion the power to transform oneself.
It is this willingness which sets alight the flame to compel sweeping changes that linger well into the future.
