Tony Fahkry's Blog - Posts Tagged "success"

“The difference between an amateur and a professional is in their habits. An amateur has amateur habits. A professional has professional habits. We can never free ourselves from habit. But we can replace bad habits with good ones.” - Steven Pressfield

You've decided to create a new habit to curtail your recent indulgence for over-eating. Your children have even made a passing remark, noticing your ‘winter weight,’ which has slowly crept up on you in recent times. The café lattes you sneak in throughout the day have become an unnecessary luxury. You've conceded defeat – it’s time to trade in the coffee card for the gym membership.

It must be said that forming new habits is challenging, since it disrupts both mind and body’s natural state of equilibrium. While the rational mind is quick to affirm an emphatic YES to the new habit, the emotional brain is not quite as enthusiastic to your new laid plans.

With any luck you’ve given it considerable thought, along with your strong emotional desire to make the change. Oftentimes, we have very little idea on the journey ahead until we embark upon it. In my early adult life I was at the mercy of my habits, given my susceptibility for my emotions to prevail. A number of well-intentioned habits were met with resistance mid-way, due to unreasonable expectations on my behalf.

As I approach middle age, I have had the good fortune to establish sound habits in various areas of life that continue to serve me well. Moreover in my work as a health and self-empowerment professional, I trust that my clients have benefited from my wise counsel and steep learning curve over the years.

I wish to outline five key points valuable for forming and maintaining new habits. Combined into your daily routine, they simultaneously shape the underlying desire to achieve lasting change.

“Our character is basically a composite of our habits. Because they are consistent, often unconscious patterns, they constantly, daily, express our character.” - Stephen Covey

1. Understand the change cycle: Having worked in collaboration with a sports psychologist in recent times, I have come to understand the importance of the change cycle in forming new habits. Undoubtedly as you adopt new habits, you will be met with inner resistance since you are disrupting the mind and body’s stability. Knowing the six stages of change in advance, affords you realistic expectations of the journey ahead. A relevant piece of trivia: 33% of people who undertake a fitness membership cancel or seldom attend after the third month. Knowing people’s motivational habits wane over time, gyms purposely lure you into signing twelve month contracts paid in advance, with petty exit clauses.

2. Have a compelling reason: Avoid starting a new habit with the belief it is the right thing to do. Remember the conscious and emotional brain have different agendas, despite your best intentions. You will undoubtedly be met with resistance as the going gets tough since internal conflicts are bound to arise. It is advisable to adopt a purposeful intent why you wish to pursue the new habit. Motivational speaker Jim Rohn once quipped, “We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment.” We all know the pain of discipline bears lighter on our conscience than the pain of regret. Reconnecting with your WHY? will help you connect with your conscious and emotional intentions. Connecting with your original intention to start a new habit is paramount for success. As the journey gathers momentum, setbacks and inner resistance are often enough to derail your progress.

3. Chunk it down: Break down the goal into smaller goals. Pursue one habit or goal at a time, until you have become proficient with it. For example if your intention to ‘get fit’ means undertaking an exercise program, you might start with a series of gentle long walks early in the morning to test the waters. Don’t have ambitious expectations of how your health journey might take shape. Starting slow with the intention to gain momentum may be far more useful in the long run than quitting altogether. Allow the strength of the goal or habit to propel you towards action. As the saying goes, slow and steady wins the race.

4. Manage your environment: Remove temptations that are likely to derail your progress. If your new habit is to curb eating unhealthy foods, be sure to have your fridge and pantry stocked with healthy food options. Whilst this may seem trivial, during times of emotional need, the conscious brain becomes irrational leading to the probability of cheating. Therefore keep temptations out of sight where you can. Similarly, avoid falling into the lure of rewarding yourself with food. Your mind is incredibly astute at recognising this, having undergone thousands of years of evolution – it will find ways to use the rewards against you. Opt for rewards that are non-food related such as; massages, buying a new item of clothing, music, etc. It is important to factor resistance into the equation since you will invariably become unstuck at times. Do not be hard on yourself when/if this occurs. Use the time wisely to regroup and continue pursuing your habit.

5. Commit to the habit: Time to put the pedal to the metal! Smaller victories achieved early in the habit-forming period adds crucial momentum to your habit. Undertaking daily activity for an entire month is a timely approach for forming sound disciplinary behaviour. Daily action is paramount for maintaining impetus, rather than intermittent application. Aim for at least a 90%+ strike-rate during the initial month. I find it useful to use a range of tools as motivational aids. I purposely place coloured post-it notes around the home in places I often frequent. If using technology to motivate you, avoid falling victim to the technology, rather use it as support to help you stick to your newly laid plans.

As a final thought, setbacks are unavoidable at times throughout the habit forming period. Make a public declaration of your intended habit to a friend, work colleague or loved one. Make yourself accountable to someone that is likely to offer much needed support or who has walked in your shoes. Offer to return the favour. Being accountable to someone affords you a sound reason for keeping your word. This makes it all the more worthwhile for adhering to your habit.

In leaving, resist over-thinking or falling victim to your emotions as the going gets tough. Your mind will naturally find excuses to jeopardise your progress. Do not buy into the excuses.

Remember why you set out to form the new habit in the first place.

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” - Dr. Seuss

Whether you’re starting out or a season veteran, following your dreams remains an elusive yet fulfilling quest. Ask any person who has traded their career to follow an endless dream and they’ll advise you they have not worked a single moment in pursuit of their passion.

Yet for many, chasing one’s dream may be filled with fear and intrepidation. The fear of the unknown is stifling to some. For others, placing trust in a universe that rarely interacts with them can be soul-destroying.

Since early age, children are encouraged to “follow their dreams,” the advice eschewed by parents and teachers alike. Whilst the guidance is well intentioned, there is an apparent shift which takes place by middle school.

High school counsellors are quick to recommend one pursue a course of study streamed in maths, science, arts or humanities. Given university entrance scores depend largely on final year high school grades, it makes sense to shift the focus from ‘dreams’ to grades.

Therefore, as teenagers approach their formidable years of educational life, the nostalgia of pursuing dreams shifts towards a fixed reality. Almost overnight the notion of following your bliss, as the American mythologist Joseph Campbell so eloquently conveyed, is extinguished.

Nevertheless whether you’re starting out or following a meticulous plan to pursue your dreams, the following points will help you chart your course. I leave you with a small caveat – do not be soothed into believing that pursuing your dreams is lined with the romanticism Hollywood films have espoused.

Henry David Thoreau, the American author and poet, wrote in his masterpiece book Walden, “If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.” He was of course referring to the hard work required to bring your dreams to fruition.

“The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.” – Michelangelo

1. Dreams Come From the Soul: Your dreams are a call from your soul to pursue that which you love, yet similarly serves others at the same time. You have been awarded unique gifts that help you paint your life’s canvas. Such gifts may be tied to your talents, skills and genius. Listen to the call of your soul by harnessing your potential – develop them; polish them until they are brilliant enough so that even the blind are aware of them.

2. Don’t Give Up On Your Dreams: Many people give up on their dreams, believing them impossible to achieve. Pursuing dreams are hard – dare I say challenging at the best of times, with little signs of success along the way. However almost overnight everything can fall into place if the timing is right. Oftentimes with persistent effort, your dreams may miraculously turn into reality when you least expect it. Be vigilant and tenacious in your pursuit of them.

3. Focus on Small Steps: At times you may feel powerless to navigate your way ahead – do not be concerned with your next steps, for they will be made known to you at the appropriate time. Each step and process unfolds in good time, to reveal the path ahead. Rush the process and you risk leapfrogging into uncharted territory. Given your intentions are well meaning through sustained daily effort, success is imminent.

4. Be Flexible: Flexibility is crucial when pursuing your dreams. Sometimes opportunities you never anticipated will land in your lap. As a successful former TV personality once advised me – “The key to my success has been the ability to take what was offered to me at the time and run with it.”

5. Let Go of Excuses: Your excuses may be holding you back allowing you to feel safe. Those who achieve big things, dream big. They fail often and are not afraid to keep trying. Don’t compromise your dreams by keeping them at arm’s distance because it ‘feels’ safe. Safe does not yield the results you deserve.

6. Discover a Burning Desire: To achieve your dreams, one must have an undeniable burning desire. Establish deep roots for your dreams to grow and nurture them daily. Create a powerful WHY? Connect with purpose and intention. Demand the very best and invariably the universe will greet you with the same desire. Doors will begin to open in strange and mysterious ways when you are aligned with purpose.

7. Focus on the Journey: The most overused advice delivered nowadays is that one enjoy the journey rather than focus on the prize. Ask anyone who has achieved a level of success and they’ll inform you of those times of uncertainty which remain etched in their minds. Life will never be the same once you have achieved success. There is no turning back – savour the people you meet, the time to yourself, the struggles, the laughter and most importantly enjoy yourself while pursuing that which you love.

8. Embrace Failure: Fail often, fail fast and mostly importantly LEARN from your failures. If you’re not failing often, you’re not taking sufficient strides towards your dreams. Therefore it is vital that you reframe failure by viewing it as a guidepost toward success. It is an opportunity to improve, not a STOP sign.

9. Sacrifices are Inevitable: It was Oprah Winfrey who said, “You can have it all, just not all at once.” Sacrifices do not equate to deprivation. You needn't work around the clock to succeed, and besides that will only lead to burn-out. You must be willing to give up aspects of life that will inevitably yield long-term results. Never sacrifice family life, since that is one thing you can rarely win back.

10. Be Willing to Compromise: Make adjustments along the way where required. Sometimes life will present you with unexpected detours – take them. Trust and have faith that you need to acquire an essential skill for your dream to thrive. Steve Jobs credits taking a calligraphy class at college, which later helped him create fonts for Apple computers. There are no mistakes.

“Permanence, perseverance and persistence in spite of all obstacles, discouragements and impossibilities: It is this, that in all things distinguishes the strong soul from the weak.” - Thomas Carlyle

The Measure of Consistency

How many of you can claim with absolute certainty that you have applied consistency and persistence in your daily life with some measure of success? [Cue silence]

Consistency and persistence are two elusive virtues difficult to sustain if not regularly engaged. Let’s take a moment to peer through the lens of what consistency and persistence have to offer.

You've no doubt been well informed of the merits of consistency within a practical approach. Attend any weekend course and I can assure you the instructor will endorse the power of consistency as a key attribute toward accomplishment.

Consistency may be defined as developing discipline in a chosen field, in favour of a favourable outcome. Those who uphold discipline are rewarded with success, since they have harnessed enduring focus through concerted effort.

Let’s be clear while on the subject. Success in this context is not limited to certain areas of life. If losing weight and eating healthy is your primary goal, taking appropriate action steps on a frequent and consistent basis may be considered a success.

Far too many people discount the power of consistent effort towards their goals. Consistency creates powerful neural networks in the brain known as grooving. These grooved neural networks help form strong connections within the brain’s synaptic connections, thus enhancing your concentration on a task or goal.

When one applies intermittent effort to a goal, the brain does not receive sufficient stimuli to form powerful habits. It is the Hebbian theory, introduced by the Canadian psychologist Donald O. Hebb who states that “nerves that fire together, wire together.” With consistent effort, your brain acquires permanent neural connections as a result of prolonged application.

Consistently focussing attention towards your goals allows the brain to lock on to the target. Consistency may be perceived as the ability to sustain continuous effort despite external forces. Ceaseless determination is paramount in order to draw a favourable outcome.

Consistency builds character and sharpens the mind. Consistent people are triumphant. They possess an inner drive which is unyielding. They are firm in their resolve to bring about positive results. They do not compromise by cutting corners or taking the road less travelled. Ultimately this dedication pays off with the rewards that await.

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.” - Maya Angelou

One final thought on consistency worth mentioning. Consistency is essential in a task-orientated goal since it allows you to trace your results through to completion. For example, many people give up on improving their nutritional and exercise goals as challenges arise.

Following success without a measure of sustain performance is likely to produce ineffectual outcomes. In a number of instances ones desired results may not be visible for some time, particularly when modifying nutritional and exercise goals. Oftentimes events are working in your favour albeit behind the scenes, while laying the foundations for future progress.

Harnessing Persistence

Let us turn our attention now to the power of persistent effort. It should be stated that persistence is a state of mind. It is the hallmark of accomplishment given that persistent people push through pain. Pain refers to the setbacks and roadblocks that are apparent when ploughing ahead. One’s ability to recover from failure and setbacks forms the basis for future success.

Persistence acknowledges the existence of external forces continually acting on us. Such forces have the potential to derail or even hinder one’s progress. The persistent person acknowledges these forces are working against them, yet lingers ahead.

In previous articles, I drew your attention toward establishing a compelling WHY? since I believe it to be a crucial measure of improvement. Persistent people have an indomitable will to succeed, having connected with a persuasive WHY?

Behavioural psychologists have long believed that simply showing up is a sufficient measure towards future success. I hold firm to the belief that showing up is inadequate, since people show up every day to dreary and mundane jobs which they loathe. Whilst the body is present, their minds are on vacation somewhere on a tropical island. Showing up means being present and engaged with absolute intention and purpose.

Another key influence is the power of momentum, which is a formidable ally toward goal attainment. Without momentum, one applies partial effort while anticipating victory. Think back to your last project in which you applied persistence and momentum. I daresay that your efforts were met with ease and perfection, as though you were in Flow.

Momentum is the accelerator driving persistence. As you maintain persistence, momentum takes the wheel to hasten progress. Artists will advise you that every creative pursuit takes a life of its own once commitment has been made, compelling it forward.

In closing, I leave you with a final principle which ties together the power of consistency and persistence known as the compound effect. Author Darren Hardy wrote an insightful book aptly titled The Compound Effect which outlines ways in which success is leveraged through building on consistency and persistence.

According to the author, “The compound effect is the principle of reaping huge rewards from a series of small, smart choices. The most challenging aspect of the compound effect is that we have to keep working away for a while, consistently and efficiently, before we can begin to see the payoff.”
Thus the power of consistency and persistence are two fundamental forces that have the potential to generate powerful and lasting success in all areas of your life.

Use them wisely.

“Karma moves in two directions. If we act virtuously, the seed we plant will result in happiness. If we act non-virtuously, suffering results.” - Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche
Saving a Life

The Law of Karma

For many the notion of karma is a common theme permeating throughout life. The adage ‘what goes around comes around’ is strongly identified by those who have been unjustly treated. The understanding that dishonest acts against others will eventually catch up to the offender is strongly acknowledged.

Karma is far more complicated and yet simpler than that. Karma functions within the backdrop of our lives. Newton’s Third Law states that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. There is a cause and effect, so that every action creates another reaction which in turn produces a new counteraction. Thus an endless chain of actions and reactions is created.

In a similar vein to Newton’s Law, the butterfly effect formulated by the American mathematician and meteorologist Edward Lorenz affirms, “When a butterfly flutters its wings in one part of the world, it can eventually cause a hurricane in another.” Lorenz was unifying the idea that events within the cosmos have a ripple effect, which extends beyond the latitude of space and time.

Closer to home, karma’s actions have a ripple and boomerang effect within your life and the lives of others. Karma is simply the exchange of energy from one form to another. It should be viewed as neither good nor bad, since it allows us to assume purposeful action if we are to balance out karma in our lives.

“Thoughts lead on to purposes; purposes go forth in action; actions form habits; habits decide character; and character fixes our destiny.” - Tryon Edwards

Letting Go Of The Past

In the same way, karmic clutter is the accumulation of past unresolved matters which have stuck with you. You have not balanced out the karma and thus invite the negative consequences of past actions in to the present moment.

Accordingly as you heal the emotional baggage associated with anger, frustration and disappointment by reconciling them with peace and love, balance is upheld. From this viewpoint, karma serves as the preservation of balance – no debt goes unpaid, no act of admirable service is turned a blind eye to. Our actions are supported within the moral landscape of, “Do unto others what you would have done unto yourself.”

However well-meaning your intentions are, upholding your moral duties does not assume others will return your goodwill. We are all endowed with free will, and how others treat you, accordingly, becomes their karma. For we are repeatedly writing the script of our karmic destiny through our actions.

In the scheme of things, bad things happen to good people every day. Our obligation is to live in accordance with our highest moral code, since it allows us to become a righteous population. We can become victims of our choices or write an empowering moral script for the future.

It begs the question then, “Does the universe have its origins vested in goodness?” I hold firm that the underlying structure governing the laws of the universe are centred within the foundations of love – which is the highest functioning order. Good deeds are returned in any number of ways when your intentions are honourable and entrusted with love.

The universe is endlessly eavesdropping on your actions, with the intent of balancing out the exchange of energy. It was the Greek physicist-philosopher Parmenides who stated that nature abhors a vacuum. Which means, as you let go of the old (thoughts, beliefs, energy, ideas, and toxic emotions), the universe rushes in to fill the void.

As energy is repaid through favourable action, you abide by universal forces when you act in accordance with Nature. Think of universal forces as observing road and traffic laws; everything flows seamlessly when there is order instead of chaos.

Writing a New Karmic Script

Have you noticed how some people effortlessly attract all their desires in a stress-free manner, whilst others always seem to struggle? It might be said that those same people are working with the laws of karma in a conducive manner.

On a personal level as I honour my path in life, I harness the law of karma to function in a meaningful way. Wisdom has shown me that when I am wronged against, rather than seek revenge, I trust karma to balance any improper actions towards me or others.

It is not my place to enact retribution or revenge – my karma is simply to play my role within the container of universal order. It is Dr Wayne Dyer who reminds us to uphold this standard in the following quote, “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.”

Life is neither fair nor unfair – evaluating life according to this way of thinking fails to acknowledge the harmonious relationship life obliges us with when we play by her rules.

You have the wherewithal to change your future karma through awareness gained within the present moment. Do not be directed by subconscious actions alone. Be mindful, present and aware of your choices.

In closing, I leave you with the following aphorism by the ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu, “Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”

“Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt.” - William Shakespeare

Taming the monkey mind

It’s an all too common experience - the silent, yet incessant self-doubt which inhabits your mind, combined with the stream of destructive thoughts which accompany it.

The voice repeatedly commands your attention, while reminding you of your inherent weaknesses. The ceaseless inner dialogue knows no boundaries until it has completely overwhelmed you. In that very moment you have surrendered, knowing it has taken hold of you once more.

Welcome to self-doubt, the intimidating inner critic and modest detractor determined to undermine your success. Despite your best intentions to overpower the crippling self-talk, it seems futile as it sustains its hold on you. Why won’t it leave you alone you often wonder?

You cannot remove doubt any more than trying to eliminate negative thoughts. Doubts are woven into our psyche during childhood as we learned to integrate into our surroundings. Similarly what begins as the voice of reason echoed through loved ones, soon becomes the doubtful inner critic given the passage of time.

Did you know that by the time you reach adulthood, you would have heard the word ‘NO’ repeated 50,000 times throughout your life? In contrast the word ‘YES’ is only heard 7,000 times. It is no wonder doubt manages to weave its way into our minds with such intensity.

We are notorious for falsifying inaccurate tales about ourselves. Doubt is one such story often repeated through adulthood. Whilst it is healthy to entertain doubt from time to time, being at the mercy of the debilitating thought is not conducive toward living a fulfilling life.

In a similar vein, doubt can become self-deprecating while wreaking havoc with your personal confidence if left unchecked.

“Willpower is the key to success. Successful people strive no matter what they feel by applying their will to overcome apathy, doubt or fear.” - Dan Millman

Feeding the doubt

It is worth repeating that self-doubt requires examination if it prevents you from living an enriching life.

It is apparent that a growing number of people are quite content to shy away from honouring their highest potential. They conceal their emotions deep within, hoping they will miraculously vanish, and no, these same people are not confined to the male class either.

Unfortunately as time passes by, the buried emotions may resurface in the form of illness, destructive relationships, addiction to substances or untoward behaviour, etc.

In his book Spontaneous Evolution, author Bruce Lipton states that 95% of our behaviour is controlled by our subconscious mind. In many ways our behaviour is reflected in the blind decisions we make every day without a moment’s consideration. Reflect on how much of your daily life’s decisions are automated – that is devoid of conscious intent?

In another example, author Michael S. Gazzaniga further illuminates this point in his book, Who’s In Charge: Free Will and The Science of The Brain. As a neuroscientist investigating split brain personality, he offers the following observation about the choices we make, “That you are so proud of is a story woven together by your interpreter module to account for as much of your behaviour as it can incorporate and it denies or rationalizes the rest.”

Overcoming the inner critic

A great deal of articles, books and resources have been written about self-doubt in recent times. Most apply the term conquering doubt rather dismissively, likening it to overcoming a setback. It may benefit you to reframe doubt as an integrated aspect of your nature – since it resides within your shadow self. You needn’t deny aspects of yourself, for that which you resist continues to persist.

Overcoming self-doubt requires taking affirmative action while being attentive to the inner critic – that is, you choose to take action in spite of the doubt.

In a recent documentary highlighting the sport of accelerated free falling, the jumper was asked by a reporter if he entertained fear prior to his jumps. He reassured the reporter that fear was present during every jump and served to remind him of the inherent dangers associated with the sport. He managed fear by choosing to turn down the volume on it so as not to overwhelm him.

Which leads us to examine the purpose of self-doubt afterall? Does it serve to mask a repressed aspect of oneself?

Take a moment to consider the spectrum of doubt inherent in your life. What tools or resources do you frequently call upon to navigate self-doubt when it emerges? It should be stated that doubt is merely a self-imposed speed bump in your life’s journey. As you know speed bumps are intended to slow you down, not halt your progress.

If self-doubt is wreaking havoc in your life, you may wish to reconnect with your vision or purpose. Your vision cannot be obscured by obstacles.

Attributing self-blame in relation to past failures leads to more of the same destructive thoughts. Instead, choose affirmative action with respect to your goals and attend to your doubts with self-compassion. It is your responsibility to reconcile them in a peaceful manner free of guilt.

Remember, your journey towards inner peace and fulfillment is lined with many detours. Embrace your challenges with attentiveness and enthusiasm.

You’ve heard it said that it isn’t the goal that fuels our desire. It is the journey towards whom we become that ignites our passion and sustains us in attaining inner victory.

“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.” - Harriet Beecher Stowe

Think like a Billionaire

I am fascinated by billionaires. There I said it.

Please don’t hold me in contempt as I endeavour to explain myself.

Okay, it may have been a little presumptuous of me, since you would not be mistaken for assuming my fascination was owing to their wealth status – right? I should be clear that my curiosity extends towards the mindset of self-made billionaires in particular.

Consider for a moment the conviction a self-made billionaire has in order to reach their level of success, notwithstanding the insurmountable hurdles along the way.

Whilst researching this topic in 2011, there were 946 billionaires in the world. At the time of writing this article in 2014, that number has swelled to 1,645 with an aggregate wealth of $6.5 trillion. That is a staggering number to say the least.

Despite people’s beliefs about the rich, the wealthy are not deceitful in their pursuit of wealth – rather they are astute and industrious.

To become a billionaire requires one to overcome numerous mental and emotional hurdles. It requires a profound confidence to never give up, given the economic forces of life are continually against those reaching for success.

In order to attain such an astounding level of wealth, one must think and act differently. There must be an inherent self-belief, unyielding motivation and a desire to prevail.
Represented in the quote, “The more you help people get what they want, the more you get what you want,” this simple axiom forms the basis to a wealthy person’s philosophy.

Self-made billionaires maintain an unwavering level of mental toughness and resiliency. According to authors who have written extensively on talent and success, including: Malcom Gladwell, Cal Newport and Robert Greene, talent is not bestowed upon us at the time of our birth. Rather success is acquired over time arising from firm persistence and dedication.

Whilst the nature vs nurture discussion has eluded scientists and behavioural economists for years, many have struggled to draw consensus on what it takes to be talented.

In recent times evolutionary psychologists now infer that nurture nature is a more appropriate term which suggests that environment accounts for a large portion of a person’s success, whilst acknowledging DNA to be equally important.

“Don't quit. Never give up trying to build the world you can see, even if others can't see it. Listen to your drum and your drum only. It's the one that makes the sweetest sound.” - Simon Sinek

Sage Advice

In keeping with success as a motivating factor, the following points are valuable models for building on your achievement - thus abolishing the desire to give up:

1. A relentless desire to succeed.
2. Extending yourself each time.
3. Enjoying the journey.

Let’s examine these points in detail:

A relentless desire to succeed: Recall the last time you learned something new. You might have reached a point in the skill or task and proclaimed, “To hell with this, I give up?” I know I have.

I’d like to reframe the concept of winning to include, NOT giving up despite outward appearances. Leadership expert and author Robin Sharma offers the following sage advice, “If people aren’t laughing at you at least once a week, your dreams are too small.” That is, you’re not reaching beyond your capabilities.

Oftentimes you may expect to reap the rewards for the hard work you’ve earned. There may be little indication of success for weeks, months or years. You may even become disheartened at this stage and give up; right when a breakthrough is imminent.

This is an all too common scenario for most people. We strive for external confirmation, believing the fruits of our labour will ultimately yield a positive sign. At this crucial point, we must trust that events are unfolding in our favour behind the scenes and beyond our limited senses. The aphorism which invites you to believe it before you see it underscores the message of deep optimism.

Extending yourself each time: A number of people succumb to the impression that they must put everything on the line in order to succeed. That they must sacrifice everything in the pursuit of their goal. This is a misleading assumption based on a number of reasons.

Steady improvements over time often yield greater returns. Whilst I am not advocating a new idea, it was author Darren Hardy who skilfully outlines this point in his prize winning book, Compound Effect.

Using the elastic rubber band as a metaphor, your aim should be to extend yourself a little further each time, beyond your comfort zone. In doing so you discover more about yourself while taking calculated risks, since you’re able to identify mistakes with an enriched mind.

Enjoying the journey: In refusing to give up, you reconnect with your underlying motivation for pursuing your goal in the first place. Having become clear on your purpose, savouring the journey becomes the ultimate aphrodisiac.

I frequently work ten hour days including weekends with adequate rest and exercise in-between. As Sunday arrives, I often reflect on what I have achieved during the week and how I can build on my success in the following week. It’s reassuring to note that I haven’t really ‘worked’ at all – I have simply been absorbed in a Flow experience called work, which I remain deeply passionate about. Similarly I invite you to find your passion and pursue it with gusto – let the spirit of your quest come alive through you.

If you feel like giving up, I trust this article has served to reignite your desire to move forward with enthusiasm.

As a final thought, an unrelenting persistence and dedication were hailed as defining attributes by successful people.

With that in mind, create a vision of your ideal future. Fill it with optimism and empowering beliefs owing to your overall success – never give up, since you never know when the tides of fortune will come your way.

“Man.
Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money.
Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health.
And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.” - The 14th Dalai Lama

I wish to draw your attention to a line from the Dalai Lama’s opening quote, “…he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”

What does it mean for you to live life to the fullest? What does life look like at this level?

I wish to offer my account to these questions in the coming paragraphs, while introducing four principles I trust will serve you well to connect with this ideal.

Upon first impressions, living life to the fullest invokes sentiments of travelling the world, while bathing in the beauty of life, experiencing deep and meaningful relationships, financial success and sustained health & wellbeing. Well at least that’s the image summoned up in my mind.

Notwithstanding the aforementioned, how do you know if you are living your life to the fullest? Is there a measure of progress which defines our trajectory? Moreover, if I were to survey one hundred people, I’m certain there would be varied opinions on what constitutes a deep and meaningful life.

For that reason it might be considered inconsequential how you live your life in light of other people’s definitions. A family friend often reminds me, “What other people think of me is none of my business.”

In keeping with this tenet, let us examine four principles which I believe form the foundation for living a rich and rewarding life.

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.” - Helen Keller, The Open Door

Honour Yourself: Echoed in the quote by author Neil Gaiman, “...wherever you go, you take yourself with you…” raises our awareness that running away from our problems is not sustainable, since our problems are bound to catch up with us in the end.

Your relationship to others is governed by your level of self respect. Why? Consider for a moment a person’s interaction with others in light of a contracted self-worth. Their view of reality is defined by a distorted sense of self, represented by the unconscious belief: “I don’t respect myself; I don’t expect anyone to respect me and I will not respect others as a result.”

Therefore, as you honour yourself you accept people for who they are instead of whom you’d like them to be.

Honouring yourself entails complete acceptance of your insecurities, weaknesses and fears. It entails complete recognition of your wholeness, despite the mental façade which instructs you otherwise.

Here’s an insight - No one is perfect, even the Dalai Lama is prone to moments of anger. And yet he does not define himself as an angry person, since this is merely a fleeting emotion. If we allow an angry state to consume us, we eventually lose sight of our completeness. Honour your deepest nature which is vested in pure awareness, by refusing to define yourself via disempowering emotional states.

Live A Healthy Life: How are you able to recognise happiness when you are angry, irritable or sad? The mind will express any physical limitations held in the body and vice versa. This serves as your anchor point, alternatively known as subjective reality.

Have you noticed how some people often lament how sick and unwell they are? They strongly identify with their illness as a badge of honour, seeking constant sympathy to validate their suffering.

We are all prone to physical breakdowns eventually, since we inhabit a human form which is subject to ageing. However that does not necessitate accelerating the ageing process by focussing on your ailments. Let go of your need to identify with your complaints. This is not who you are.

It is your obligation to tend to your physical body in a dutiful manner. Nurture it daily. Don’t treat your body as you would a machine - that is neglect it, feed it poor nutrients and expect it to serve you like a master. You deserve better than that. Be kind to yourself by allowing the goodness of life to flow through you.

Face Your Fears: When you are consumed by fear, you remain captive to the emotion. Fear impedes your success and potential. It inhibits you from growing and evolving. It is wired into man’s DNA to thrive and prosper.

Remaining a prisoner to toxic emotions serves no place in your life other than to keep you trapped. I called this state, remaining Parked in my book, The Power to Navigate Life. The metaphysical relationship of being stagnant and stuck in comparison to Navigating Life.

Despite people’s beliefs, the opposite of fear is not courage - it is love. Love is the highest functioning order within the universe. Therefore fear becomes an illusion which is overcome with a loving and compassionate heart.

Face your fears by starting small. You don’t have to go up against it like a Samurai waging battle. Begin by overcoming smaller, less frightening fears until you find the courage to advance to bigger ones. Your reward is a life enriched with passion and purpose.

Learn From Your Mistakes: Learning from your mistakes involves drawing valuable lessons from your experiences. You begin to attract that which you need to further expand your personal evolution.

The following quote from Andrew Matthew’s book, Follow Your Heart: Finding Purpose In Your Life and Work is a testament to our willingness to learn and prosper from our experiences, “We are each a cause. Our thoughts attract and create circumstances. As we change, we attract different circumstances. Until we learn a lesson, we either stay stuck on the same lesson, or keep getting the same lesson in different packages.”

In a similar vein, Tony Robbins invites us to reframe ‘failure’ as undesired outcomes rather than dwell on our misfortunes. As you embrace this way of thinking, you transcend your limitations by viewing them from a higher perspective.

As you embrace the lessons, success is bound to greet you on the next occasion. Invariably, it may require numerous attempts to achieve success but that is irrelevant, since the thrill of the experience far outweighs the pain of regret.

“Not I, nor anyone else can travel that road for you.
You must travel it by yourself.
It is not far. It is within reach.
Perhaps you have been on it since you were born, and did not know.
Perhaps it is everywhere - on water and land.” - Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

The journey to reach your goals far exceeds the goal itself.
Furthermore, the final outcome may not be as significant as you’ve been led to believe.

Two bold statements, yes I know. Indulge me for a brief moment as we explore further.

Reflect on a substantial goal you accomplished in the past year. Would you have reached the goal were it not for the steps taken to get there?
Goal attainment is a by-product of one’s journey. In the same way, losing weight is inevitable when you implement healthy nutritional habits and lifestyle changes.

The journey to achieve a goal is governed by: the person you become along the way, the skills acquired, the connections made and the inner growth which takes place.

Goal setting is a term burned into our psyche from an early age. We are told that goals represent the cornerstone of every victory, notwithstanding the foundations which are crucial to support those goals.

Whilst there is some merit in that advice, you’ll be surprised to learn many successful people set out with little or no goals, yet still managed to achieve notable success. Their underlying motivation was grounded in continuous improvement and acquiring valuable skills.

Nowadays, countless self-help books, blogs and master classes are devoted to coaching people on goal setting. We’re counselled against setting unrealistic goals, since they’re less likely to be realised. Rather, it is advised to outline clear and manageable goals which affords you the opportunity to chart your progress more effectively.

Depicted in the following quote by Woody Allen is the understanding that there is a greater force operating in the backdrop of our lives managing the finer details, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”
The underlying message is that life never goes according to plan. Life becomes replete with the meaning you assign it. It is upheld by your passion toward your purpose.

In keeping with the message of shifting focus off your goal, author Michael Neil reaffirms this point in his book Supercoach, “Obsessing about goals is like playing a game of fetch with yourself, using your happiness and self-worth as the bone.”

I wish to offer you the following thoughts echoed in the advice to savour the journey rather than having a fixed outcome for your goals.

“Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is often more important than the outcome.” - Arthur Ashe

1. Arriving Rather Than Striving: Life is a series of smaller destinations. The goal in life is not to acquire things or certain people to complete you. Such goals are bound to cause suffering once they vanish from your life – easy come, easy go.

When your focus is on the goal alone, you forfeit the lessons and wonderful experiences that lie in-between. Your subconscious mind and accompanying biology are formed in such a way as to support your success.

Appreciate the journey by trusting that you have the wherewithal to accomplish any task you set your mind upon, once your will and intention are firmly grounded. The journey is the essence of where life exists in all her glory.

2. Take Your Eyes Off The Prize: Have you ever undertaken a goal to lose weight, with a certain number in mind? Do you recall what method you employed to arrive at such a figure? I’m confident it was about as random as selecting numbers for the weekly lottery.

Goals are meaningless without the intermediary process to get you there. The journey is where your goals are formed and realised. You may find that in losing weight, you acquire certain skills or undertake several lifestyle changes which you previously would not have considered.

If you rush the process and achieve your goal in the shortest amount of time, you forego the experiences along the way which cement your new habits.

As you take your eyes off the prize and enjoy the journey, you develop the ability to sharpen the saw as Stephen Covey lays out in his acclaimed book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. That is, you learn to preserve and enhance your personal self.

3. The Journey Builds Character: Character is shaped on the path to your goals. Strength of character is developed throughout the journey via the trials and lessons experienced.

You will call upon these lessons when you attain your goal, much like an athlete who spends countless hours in training, honing their performance. Those skills will be harnessed at the appropriate time.

Helen Keller reminds us of the virtue of character in the following quote, “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” You see, the journey becomes the focal point, since you gain innumerable resources along the way which renders the goal far more rewarding in the end.

You’ve heard it said that successful people are adaptable. They know what they want and pursue it with intense determination. They are receptive to the process of life and do not have fixed outcomes on how their goals will be achieved.

Now is a good time as any to take your foot off the accelerator and slip into cruise control. Rest assured you’ll continue to arrive at smaller destinations, which pave the way for a rewarding and fulfilling journey, replete with fulfilling life experiences.

More importantly the journey becomes a continual process of refinement, leading you toward your ultimate victory – the accomplishment of your goal and the strength of character to match.

“To find what you seek in the road of life, the best proverb of all is that which says: "Leave no stone unturned." - Edward Bulwer Lytton

In an ancient Greek fable, the playwright Euripides conveys a story of an army general who buries a large treasure in his tent, following his defeat in battle. When the conquering general and his troops could not locate the treasure, they consulted the Oracle of Delphi who advised them to look under every stone. The conquering general returned to the site where the tent was situated, ordering his troops to search under every stone until the treasure was uncovered.

The tale by Euripides, used since the 1500s, depicts man’s unbending desire to pursue every course of action to achieve his outcome. Consider the relevance of this story in your own life. Is there a goal or dream you are determined to achieve with a vehement desire?

Giving up is an easy way out since it abandons the need to concede failure and the ensuing emotions which arise from defeat. Yet character is formed in defeat, similar to the process where carbon dioxide when applied with intense heat and pressure, gives rise to form a diamond.
I’d like you to consider leaving no stone unturned in your pursuit to realise a particular goal or outcome. That is, adopt an unrelenting desire to pursue that which burns deep in your heart. Have you noticed, those who strike upon success have an unyielding tenacity not to lose sight of their vision?

Similar to a dog who refuses to let go of his bone until he has gnawed at it, thus reducing it to nothing more than bone fragments, you must strive to exhaust all avenues before retreating into defeat. Often, we believe every course of action is being undertaken, yet something is always lurking around the corner, waiting to command our attention.

People who seek a cure for disease or illness, may spend years searching for a solution to no avail. Yet, as they abandon hope, a likely solution is brought to light when they least expect it. Therefore, I urge you to stay vigilant, yet in a state of expectation without a projected outcome of how your goal will come to bear.

Consider your answer to this question - what is it you desire? We spend a great deal of time protesting what we don’t want, to the detriment of our true desires. Your subconscious mind constantly scans your innermost thoughts and daydreams. It does so by filtering pertinent information to reveal patterns of thought, particular to your character. Therefore, given your commitment, giving up should be the last resort until all avenues have been exhausted.

Similarly, what you set out to achieve may not be realised in the form you intended. Many of the world’s greatest inventions came to life because of an accident or mishap. Consider the inventions we take for granted nowadays such as: Post-it notes, Penicillin, the microwave oven, Velcro and x-rays. Such inventions arose out of mere accident and countless errors.

It is no surprise that vigilance, tenacity and an unrelenting desire are paramount in your quest to succeed. This principle applies to most areas of life: improving personal finances, career, entrepreneurship and seeking a committed relationship. I invite you to think in terms of infinite possibilities.

In their book, The Winner’s Brain: 8 Strategies Great Minds Use to Achieve Success, authors Jeff Brown and Mark Fenske state, “A Winner’s Brain is very good at tuning out distractions and choosing the best way to focus on a task (there are different types of focus the brain is capable of) in order to get the best outcome.” The ability to tune out distractions becomes a focal point to realise your intended outcome. The winner’s mind is goal orientated, given its laser focus to stay committed to the project until it has come to life.

Regrettably, most people adopt the suck it and see approach to goal attainment, eluding to the English expression of, “giving it a go” while attentive to what eventuates in the process. Whilst merit is gained in adopting this approach, it is better suited towards smaller goals rather than risk gambling with the game of life. A more likely strategy calls for developing a compelling inner resolve to pursue the goal til the end - far too many people give up, just when the tide turns. Whilst you may not appreciate how close you were, in hindsight you might lament your missed opportunity. I invite you to consider the timely quote by the late author and motivational speaker Jim Rohn, which invites us to reflect upon the value of regret, “We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment.”

To leave no stone unturned in your quest for success, requires restrained patience and biding your time. In support, a steadfast vigilance to realise a successful outcome is similarly paramount. I suggest you alternate between these two states, given that patience and vigilance tend to oppose one another. Do not abandon hope when all seems lost, that is the time when the tide turns in your favour. Life is bound by unexpected change when you least expect it.

In concluding, pursue everything in your power to realise your goal, then turn it over to the universe to usher in the ideal outcome. It was in Dan Millman’s book, Way of the Peaceful Warrior, where he reminds us of the following affirmation, “I no longer presume to know how life should come or go; letting go in this way brings a sense of freedom. This doesn’t mean I don’t care or have no preferences. My actions naturally follow the call of my heart, my interests, my values. I make efforts in my personal and professional life in alignment with my goals. But once I've taken aim and loosed the arrows from the bow, I can only wait with interest to see where it will land.”

Assume the same inner conviction towards your vision of success. Sure enough, when you least expect it, success will greet you in the timeliest hour.

“To achieve greatness one should live as if they will never die.” - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

“Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them,” declared William Shakespeare.

Helen Keller contracted what is believed to have been meningitis or scarlet fever at the age of 19 months and was left permanently deaf and blind. Her parents knew their chances of finding a teacher to work with her were slim, given their remote location in Alabama. Yet this did not deter her mother, Kate Keller from finding a teacher by the name of Anne Sullivan.

Anne had overcome her own physical problems to include vision complications which required repeated surgery to correct. Over the coming years Sullivan taught the ten-year-old Keller to read Braille to aid her learning capabilities.

It later became evident that Keller was eager to gain knowledge and soon after, graduated magna cum laude from Radcliffe College. Keller became a life-long advocate for the disabled and wrote twelve books, travelling to over 40 countries as a renowned speaker and author. Of the many honours received for her accomplishments, Keller obtained the Presidential Medal of Freedom, known as the highest civilian medal awarded by the President of the United States.

In light of Helen Keller’s story, I’d like you to consider your definition of greatness.

In their book, The Winner’s Brain by Dr Jeff Brown and Mark Fenske the authors state, “In 1954, psychologist Julian Rotter coined the term locus of control to refer to people’s belief about what causes good and bad things to happen in their lives. An internal locus of control reflects the belief you are master of your own destiny; an external locus of control reflects just the opposite.”

Helen Keller maintained a strong locus of control given her accomplishments and in view of her disabilities. It begs the question: are we born into greatness or does it develop it over time? I affirm that greatness is formed as a result of a nurturing environment. For some, hardship means to recoil in resignation. For others like Keller, it presents the opportunity to overcome restrictions to win through.

In an earlier article I stated, you are never presented with an experience to the sum of your conditioning. We must venture beyond our harbour of contentment if we wish to discover our genius.

Recognise your limitations but don’t let them define you. Similarly, don’t be deceived by a limited consciousness – expand, expand, expand your mind. In stating the obvious, being unaware of your potential means you’re less inclined to unearth your greatness. Those who know of their potential have an unyielding self-belief to expose themselves to the unknown.

“It is a rough road that leads to the heights of greatness.” – Seneca

Just as a tightrope walker knows death is imminent if he loses balance, he continues to push past the precipice of fear into the unknown. It is there he develops a deep respect for his pursuit, knowing his life can be taken away from him at any moment.

Don’t place limitations on what you perceive is possible. Far too many people discount what they’re capable of, given self-imposed ceilings of limitations. Those same people set lofty goals yet wonder why life is not imbued with passion. Take charge by accepting responsibility for your actions, irrespective of whether circumstances play out in your favour or not. Greatness summons you to venture into the unknown, often without a clear vision.

There are no assurances when one yields to greatness. Talent, genius and your impending gifts serve you when you step into your power. Greatness is attained when we follow our passions and build on our successes. As we pursue our dreams, our goals and our desires, we invest in our greatness.

“The greatest men and women are not competing against you; they are competing against themselves each and every day. You are your greatest competition," affirms Dr Stan Beecham in his book Elite Minds.

Greatness demands we overcome our inherent shortcomings as we are exposed to that which scares us. Author David Potter states, “We might gain perspective by considering how the Ancient Greeks determined greatness in athletes. Then and now, true greatness is as defined not by a single moment, but by the ability to build a record of extraordinary achievement.”

Greatness is attained when we dare to play big and for this reason it is commensurate with humility. The great are humble, knowing their talents, gifts and genius are expressed through them as infinite intelligence.

Equally, others suggest greatness extends from the soul. When an individual cultivates their soul’s gifts, greatness results to express this faculty. Those like Ghandi, Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King Jr. and others understood that to have an emotional impact on people, they had to align with their soul’s calling. It is written into their words and actions.

Pursue integrity by aligning with your deepest values. Honour these values to invest in your greatness. Just as connecting with your deepest nature reflects your soul’s quality, integrity is the glue which binds actions to greatness.

We are the sum of our actions and in the same way actions express our thoughts, they also reflect our self-worth. You strengthen your self-esteem by elevating your internal locus of control everytime you honour your integrity.

Shakespeare proposed three conditions for greatness in the opening quote while the Roman philosopher Seneca suggested adversity commands the path to greatness. Either way, greatness is the journey to overcome our limitations.

It was Michelangelo who affirmed, “In every block of marble I see a statue as plain as though it stood before me, shaped and perfect in attitude and action. I have only to hew away the rough walls that imprison the lovely apparition to reveal it to the other eyes as mine see it.”

I urge you to unearth your greatness, thus exposing the façade obscuring it.

In time, your doubts and fears will break away revealing your true, strong self. It this self that shall be seen by all.