Funny But True Quotes

“Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.”
― Criss Jami, Killosophy

“Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.”
― Criss Jami, Killosophy

“Never lie in bed at night asking yourself questions you can't answer.”
― Charles M. Schulz

“The funny thing about the heart is a soft heart is a strong heart, and a hard heart is a weak heart.”
― Criss Jami, Healology

“If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?”
― George Carlin, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

“Drunken men give some of the best pep talks.”
― Criss Jami, Killosophy

“vers libre," (free verse) or nine-tenths of it, is not a new metre any more than sleeping in a ditch is a new school of architecture.”
― G.K. Chesterton, Fancies Versus Fads

“While she could hardly fathom what had just happened to her that night, she reached some conclusions before she fell asleep, certain things now made perfect sense; Moon River didn’t sound so syrupy, mistletoe wasn’t such a bad idea, and perhaps dating was not such a frivolous waste of time after all.”
― E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly

“We men are fascinated by the things we don't really understand. It gives us something to think and talk about: like females, they drive us nuts.”
― Criss Jami, Killosophy

“Gomst's mouth framed a 'no', but every other muscle in him said 'yes'. You'd think priests would be better liars, what with their jobs and all.”
― Mark Lawrence, Prince of Thorns

“The logic behind patriotism is a mystery. At least a man who believes that his own family or clan is superior to all others is familiar with more than 0.000003% of the people involved.”
― Criss Jami, Killosophy

“See you later, tailgater.”
― Merlin Franco, Saint Richard Parker

“The manlier you are, the harder it is to understand what a woman wants: there is not a hint of female brain in you.”
― Criss Jami, Killosophy

“True devotion and humility is when you carelessly allow yourself to fall in love with things you consider will make you look inferior, which in essence, makes you superior.”
― Michael Bassey Johnson

“Psychobabble attempts to redefine the entire English language just to make a correct statement incorrect. Psychology is the study of why someone would try to do this.”
― Criss Jami, Killosophy

“If I were to vote, I would intentionally vote for the goofiest candidate. It is my theory that when the people can outwit the leader, the more respected their voices will be.”
― Criss Jami, Killosophy

“No matter how kind you are, always expect a few imbeciles.”
― Criss Jami, Healology

“I feel as though whenever I create something, my Mr. Hyde wakes up in the middle of the night and starts thrashing it. I sometimes love it the next morning, but other times it is an abomination.”
― Criss Jami, Killosophy

“Flattery does not encourage the perfect flow of love in the vein of your relationship. Be genuine and speak out what you feel for each other without hiding the painful truth.”
― Michael Bassey Johnson

“...if you aren't, at any given time, scandalized by code you wrote five or even three years ago, you're not learning anywhere near enough”
― Nick Black

“Tolerance! The virtue that makes one bite his tongue so that he can tear out his hair.”
― Criss Jami, Killosophy

“Sometimes I shock myself with the smart I say & do. Then there are times where I try to get out of the car with my seat belt still on.”
― Skylar Blue

“Some people looove to feel offended because it makes them feel important. When your only tool is a hammer, suddenly every problem starts to look like a nail. And when the only time you feel relevant is when you claim to be offended, suddenly everything looks offensive.”
― Oliver Markus Malloy, Inside The Mind of an Introvert: Comics, Deep Thoughts and Quotable Quotes

“Ish #153 "Artificial plants grow best in artificial light.”
― Regina Griffin

“Then they have the audacity to go shopping and pick out their own gifts. I want to know who the first person was who said this was okay. After spending all that money on a bachelorette weekend, a shower, and often a flight across the country, they expect you to go to Williams Sonoma or Pottery Barn and do research? Then they send you a thank-you note applauding you for such a thoughtful gift. They're the one who picked it out!”
― Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands

“Respect? Of course, always, to all, because everything seems funnier when you're trying to show respect.”
― Criss Jami, Killosophy

“It's probably not easy for a woman to understand what it's like to be a man. Imagine you're starving, and someone puts a huge buffet in front of you. There's delicious, mouth-watering food all around you, and it's really really hard not to eat it all. That's what it's like to be a man around attractive women. The urge to want to hump everything that moves is part of a man's natural programming. It's a deep-seated hunger. To suppress that hunger takes civilization and a lot of willpower.”
― Oliver Markus, Why Men And Women Can't Be Friends

“Sure, I said. But some people would ask, 'How can you expect others to replicate what you're doing here?' What would be your answer to that?
He turned back and , smiling sweetly, said, Fuck you.
Then, in a stentorian voice, he corrected himself: No. I would say, 'The objective is to inculcate in the doctors and nurses the spirit to dedicate themselves to the patients, and especially to having an outcome-oriented view of TB.' He was grinning, his face alight. He looked very young just then. In other words, 'Fuck you'.”
― Paul Farmer & Tracy Kidder

“NOTHING TO DO BUT ALWAYS BUSY”
― Rigas

“When boys get mad its not so bad
When girls get mad world WW3 is about to start!”
― P.C. Cast