Funny And Random Quotes

Quotes tagged as "funny-and-random" Showing 1-30 of 377
Rick Riordan
“Leo took out a pen and autographed the arm of one of the nymphs. “Narcissus is a loser! He’s so weak, he can’t bench-press a Kleenex. He’s so lame, when you look up lame on Wikipedia, it’s got a picture of Narcissus—only the picture’s so ugly, no one ever checks it out.”
Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena

David Levithan
“I showed him the Post-it. “You see They’re from Lily.”

“Who’s Lily?”

“Some girl.”

“Ooh... a girl!”

“Boomer, we’re not in third grade anymore. You don’t say, ‘Ooh... a girl!’”

“What? You fucking her?”

“Okay, Boomer, you’re right. I liked ‘Ooh... a girl!’ much more than that.
Let’s stick with ‘Ooh... a girl!”
David Levithan, Dash & Lily's Book of Dares

Terry Pratchett
“-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself?
-Certainly. I'd know me anywhere.”
Terry Pratchett, Maskerade

Cassandra Clare
“I'm Magnus Bane." he went on in a soothing tone, stretching out his ringed hands. Blue sparks had begun to dance between them like bioluminescence dancing water. "I'm the warlock who's here to cure you. Didn't they tell you I was comming?"
"I know who you are, but..." Maia looked dazed. "You look so... so... shiny.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes

Rick Riordan
“If you’re listening to this, congratulations! You survived Doomsday.
I’d like to apologize straightaway for any inconvenience the end of the world may have caused you. The earthquakes, rebellions, riots,tornadoes, floods, tsunamis, and of course the giant snake who swallowed the sun—I’m afraid most of that was our fault. Carter and I decided we should at least explain how it happened.”
Rick Riordan, The Serpent's Shadow

“Be the kind of woman who, when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil says "Oh, no! She's up.”
Joanne Clancy

Kresley Cole
“At fifty times the distance, you dispatched that ko-bold with three arrows to the neck. I’ve earned a trio to the chest. Seems you slapped him while you’re tickling me. You doona want to kill me, which is a good sign. Maybe this is your way of flirting?”
Kresley Cole , Pleasure of a Dark Prince

Rick Riordan
“the answer to every problem involved penguins”
Rick Riordan, The Throne of Fire

Rick Riordan
“Our problems started in Dallas, when the fire-breathing sheep destroyed the King Tut exhibit.”
Rick Riordan, The Serpent's Shadow

Rachel Vincent
“I didn’t know if I could stop her with one blow. But I could whack the crap out of her.”
Rachel Vincent, My Soul to Take

“Haha, I can't hit you. If I did, I'd feel sorry for the person who'd have to clean up the mess of your splattered brain.”
Kyousuke Motomi, 電撃デイジー5

Kami Garcia
“Lying on the ceiling. Refusing to go to school. Not opening up to me. Climbing water towers. "No, she's all right.”
Kami Garcia, Beautiful Darkness

Cassandra Clare
“Well," said Clary, after a judicious pause, "I guess you wouldn't have taken advantage of her when she's so grief-stricken and all."
Simon snorted. "If you ever meet the man who could take advantage of Isabelle, you'll have to let me know. I'd like to shake his hand. Or run away from him very fast, I'm not sure which.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Glass

Julia Quinn
“He was the firstborn Bridgerton of a firstborn Bridgerton of a firstborn Bridgerton eight times over. He had a dynastic responsibility to be fruitful and multiply.”
Julia Quinn, The Viscount Who Loved Me

Grace Helbig
“When life gives you lemons, you exchange them at the store for something more edible.”
Grace Helbig

Rick Riordan
“Yes, an actual full-sized camel. If you find that confusing, just think how the criosphinx must have felt.
Where did the camel come from, you ask? I may have mentioned Walt’s collection of amulets. Two of them summoned disgusting camels. I’d
met them before, so I was less than excited when a ton of dromedary flesh flew across my line of sight, plowed into the sphinx, and collapsed on top
of it. The sphinx growled in outrage as it tried to free itself. The camel grunted and farted.
“Hindenburg,” I said. Only one camel could possibly fart that badly. “Walt, why in the world—?”
“Sorry!” he yelled. “Wrong amulet!”
The technique worked, at any rate. The camel wasn’t much of a fighter, but it was quite heavy and clumsy. The criosphinx snarled and clawed
at the floor, trying unsuccessfully to push the camel off; but Hindenburg just splayed his legs, made alarmed honking sounds, and let loose gas.
I moved to Walt’s side and tried to get my bearings.”
Rick Riordan, The Serpent's Shadow

J.K. Rowling
“You saved Dad's life. If anyone's got the right to eavesdrop on him, it's you.”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

J.R. Ward
“For shit’s sake, it wasn’t like there was a twelve-step for being the Scribe Virgin’s kid:
Hi, I’m Vishous. I’m her son and I’ve been her son for three hundred years.
She’s done a head job on me again, and I’m trying not to go to the Other Side and scream bloody murder at her.
And on the bloody note, I’d like to dig up my father and kill him all over again, but I can’t. So I’m just going to try to keep my sister alive even though she’s paralyzed, and attempt to fight the urge to find some pain so I can deal with this Payne.
J.R. Ward, Lover Unleashed

David Levithan
“It looks like Animal and Miss piggy had sex," I said. "And this was the spawn."
"My eyes!" Boomer cried. "My eyes! I can't stop seeing it now that you've said it!”
David Levithan, Dash & Lily's Book of Dares

Rick Riordan
“Green grass breaks through snow,
Artemis pleads for my help,
I am so cool.”
Rick Riordan, The Titan's Curse

Penny Reid
“Do ever respond to a question without asking another question?
Does it bother you?
No. But it does confirm my hypothesis.
What hypothesis?
He let out a heavy sigh, and with it, all the residual warmth from our flirty banther evaporated. " You're a shrink," he said. He might as well have accused me of being a traitor or a murder or a Kardeshian.”
Penny Reid, Love Hacked

Lauren Kate
“...and Jack, who felt like he was on the cusp of being able to read minds and thought it would be all right if Luce wrote him down for that. ("I sense that you're okay with that, am I right?" He made a gun out of his fingers and clicked his tongue.)”
Lauren Kate, Torment

John Marsden
“How funny are dogs?”
John Marsden, Tomorrow, When the War Began

Steve  Bates
“What’s wrong with nature shows?”
“You can’t believe anything the narrators say. One claimed that some animals mate for life. Come on, they need time off to eat and sleep, don’t they?”
Steve Bates

E.L. James
“Where’s the ice cream?”
“In the oven.”
E.L. James, Fifty Shades Darker

Jonathan Tropper
“If at first you don't succeed, lower you expectations”
Jonathan Tropper, This is Where I Leave You

Julie Kagawa
“Who is your favorite character in the series? Or...if that's too hard, why do you like each one and who drives you crazy?

Puck: Well, she likes me best, of course. I'm the handsome, charming one.

Ash: Yes, that's why she gave you your own book. Oh, wait.

Puck: No one asked you, ice-boy.”
Julie Kagawa

Christy Leigh Stewart
“The wider you spread your fingers apart while clapping is equal to the amount of retarded you look while clapping.”
Christy Leigh Stewart

“Afternoon experience: autographing exposed legs, outstretched in lines like matchsticks.

Afternoon epiphany: Those with smooth, hairless legs would soon lose all evidence of my contact when the sweat causes the ink from the marker to run. I am ephemeral. Skepticism would be the reaction to those with thick leg hair, as their curls frazzle the lines of my name outward illegibly. Among the scaly-legged, I flaked off immediately, like I never was at all.”
Benson Bruno, A Story That Talks about Talking Is Like Chatter to Chattering Teeth, and Every Set of Dentures Can Attest to the Fact That No..

Kristen Simmons
“His green eyes blazed with desire; such a different look than I'd known before. Chase had studied me, reading my feelings. Tucker was only trying to see his own reflection. Disturbing on several levels.”
Kristen Simmons, Article 5

« previous 1 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 12 13