Terri Cole's Blog, page 11
April 3, 2025
704 Conscious Love with Gay Hendricks
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Intro“To me that’s conscious loving at its best: To be completely in union in a way that allows you not only to feel the other person’s presence, but to feel your own presence at the same time. ” – Gay Hendricks
I am SO excited to welcome bestselling author and counseling psychologist, Gay Hendricks, to the show to talk about themes from two of his books, The Big Leap and Conscious Loving.
Gay has been a huge inspiration for me personally and professionally, and he makes psychological concepts easy to understand.
We talk about upper limit problems (self-sabotage) first, and then move into how to create epic relationships. Throughout the conversation, Gay shares invaluable wisdom from his own life. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!
Highlights:03:20 The Big Leap and the upper limit problem18:00 How negativity shapes us in early childhood22:20 Conscious loving– What makes epic and healthy relationships?30:30 The steps in turning codependent relationships into conscious relationships40:25 Normalizing true apology and radical responsibility for our own behaviors48:10 Gay’s favorite relationship practiceConnect with Gay HendricksGay Hendricks has served for more than 30 years as one of the major contributors to the fields of relationship transformation and bodymind therapies. Along with his wife, Dr. Kathlyn Hendricks, Gay is the author of many bestsellers, including Conscious Loving, At The Speed Of Life, The Big Leap, the New York Times bestseller, Five Wishes, and the recently released Your Big Leap Year.
Dr. Hendricks received his Ph.D. in counseling psychology from Stanford in 1974. After a twenty-one-year career as a professor at University Colorado, he founded The Hendricks Institute, and later co-founded its charitable organization, Foundation for Conscious Living.
Throughout his career he has done executive coaching with more than 800 executives, including the top management at such firms as Dell Computer, Hewlett Packard, Motorola and KLM. His book, The Corporate Mystic, is used widely to train management in combining business skills and personal development tools.
In recent years he has co-created a popular podcast called The Big Leap with Gay Hendricks and Mike Koenigs. He has appeared on more than 500 radio and television shows, including OPRAH, CNN, CNBC, 48 HOURS and others.
Website: https://hendricks.com
Conscious Living Foundation: https://foundationforconsciousliving.org
I WROTE A BOOK ABOUT BOUNDARIES! Boundary Boss is THE essential guidebook for authentically expressing your desires, setting healthy limits, and bringing more satisfaction, joy, and peace into all of your personal and professional relationships. There are super JUICY bonuses when you pre-order, so what are you waiting for?
TAKE THE BOUNDARY STYLE QUIZ I always say, ya can’t change anything until you become aware of it, so take the quiz and discover your unique boundary style!
FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL Instagram is my jam and one of my favorite ways to connect with you. I put out new content there every, single day.
JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP Become a part of our powerful community of real love revolutionaries!
SIGN UP FOR THE NEWSLETTER Want love notes from me delivered straight to your inbox? I share things to inspire and empower you each week, plus what I’m reading, watching, cooking…you get the idea?
April 1, 2025
The Difference Between Being A Victim + Having a Victim Mentality
Do you get offended if a date doesn’t immediately get back to you?
How about when you ask a friend to call you later and they don’t?
When you pass a stranger on the street and they glance at you, looking annoyed, do you assume their annoyance is directed at you?
Or do you cut others slack in these situations, rather than take it personally?
In this episode, I’m sharing what the research says are the four dimensions of the tendency for interpersonal victimhood, breaking down the difference between having a victim mentality and being a victim, and giving you ideas on how you can shift from a victim mindset into a growth mindset.
Prefer the audio? Listen here.
What Is the Victim Mentality?A social scientist, Rahav Gabay, and her colleagues define the tendency for interpersonal victimhood as “an ongoing feeling that the self is a victim, which is generalized across many kinds of relationships. As a result, victimization becomes a central part of the individual’s identity.”¹
Those with a victimhood mindset tend to have an external locus of control, where they believe that what happens in life is either luck or fate. This language creates a lack of responsibility and leads to feeling unempowered in life.
When we have an external locus of control, it may feel like life happens to us, like we’re a tiny boat and our life is a massive tsunami throwing us around the ocean.
But when we become healthier through the process of self-reflection, we can develop an internal locus of control and realize we have the power to be the tsunami or the GPS that directs the tiny boat (our life).
It makes sense that taking everything personally makes it more likely you may be in a victim mentality state.
Using the examples above, it’s possible that your friend had a long day at work and collapsed on the couch in exhaustion upon coming home.
Maybe your date wasn’t trying to make you feel bad by not getting back to you, but got caught up in something urgent.
Perhaps the stranger on the street just received bad news, was lost in thought, and happened to look your way.
These situations are an unavoidable part of living in society and need to be negotiated and managed. Those who can’t manage them typically fall into the camp of feeling like perpetual victims.
Four Key Characteristics of a Victim MindsetThe research Gabay and her colleagues did found that the tendency for interpersonal victimhood centered around four main areas:
Constantly seeking recognition for one’s victimhood: they had a perpetual need to have others acknowledge their suffering.Moral elitism: a defense mechanism that allows them to hold onto a positive self-image and be perceived as the one who was wronged and morally superior to others (which also involves projecting their shadow onto others).Lack of empathy for the pain and suffering of others: self-obsessed with their own suffering, they were oblivious to others’ suffering, and felt more entitled.Frequently ruminating about past victimization: this is best illustrated with an example: years ago at a wedding, I sat next to a woman I didn’t know, and after she introduced herself, she told me all about her divorce that happened 18 years ago. She felt so identified with being wronged that it was the first thing she said to me.It’s important to note that the research Gabay and her colleagues did does not equate experiencing trauma and actual victimization.
In other words, you could have a victim mentality without experiencing trauma or victimization, and the opposite is true, too. Experiencing severe trauma or victimization doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll develop a victim mentality.
All of this information, plus extra resources on the victim mentality, can be found in the guide, which you can grab right here.
Trauma vs. Having a Victim MentalityI experienced the need to seek recognition for my victimhood when I had cancer in my early 30s.
I was required to have the same surgery twice, less than six months apart, along with the same radiation treatment. I was so traumatized by the mishandling of the situation that I couldn’t stop seeking recognition for my victimhood.
During this time, I randomly bumped into someone I hadn’t seen in three years, and as soon as they asked me how I was, I launched into the entire story, gory details and all.
To a degree, this was a normal response to trauma, but it took me two years to work through it in therapy.
There’s also nothing wrong with recognizing your victimhood when you’ve been victimized. It becomes more of a problem when you can’t let it go (like the woman at the wedding).
Shifting From a Victim Mindset to a Growth MindsetHere are a few ways you can begin shifting out of a victim mindset to a growth mindset.
First, look at the content you’re consuming on social media. Is there an emphasis on victimhood identity in the posts you see? It’s possible we learn to identify as victims through this content.
Nuance gets lost when people try to fit complex psychological concepts into 30-second TikTok sound bites. So much gets categorized as trauma, but if everything we experience is trauma, then nothing is trauma, and being victimized (for real) loses its power.
Second, our trauma doesn’t have to define us. There’s a whole school of thought about this called post-traumatic growth, which I’ve written about here. These principles can help us turn traumatic experiences into growth experiences without bypassing or hyper-positivity.
As my pal Kris Carr says, I don’t call my traumatic experiences ‘gifts’ because I wouldn’t give them to you, but I learned a lot from them and they were life-changing.
There are benefits of moving through victimization, learning from it, honoring it, and integrating it into the beautiful, unique tapestry of our lives. It’s not about shoving it down or denying it, but it’s also not about continuing it.
Third, it can also help to look at the past, because if you are a part of a culture that has been victimized for centuries, that oppression influences collective and solo identity.
If you’re interested in learning more, I invite you to read Rise Above: Overcome A Victim Mindset, Empower Yourself, and Realize Your Full Potential by Scott Barry Kaufman, PhD, as much of this article was inspired by his work.
Again, being victimized or having a traumatic experience is not the same as having a victimhood mentality. They’re different things. Being victimized can create a victimhood mentality, but not always, and you can also have a victimhood mentality without experiencing trauma.
All of this information and the resources mentioned are in the guide, which you can get here.
What are your thoughts about the victimhood mentality? Do you know anyone like this (or do you have these tendencies)? Are the differences between being victimized and having a victim mentality clear to you? Leave a comment, tag me in your stories on Instagram (@terricole), or drop a note wherever you listen to the pod.
Have an amazing week and as always, take care of you.
P.S. If you love these cozy conversations, I think you’d love The Terri Cole Membership, where I host four Q&A calls on Zoom every month. Check it out at terricole.com/tcm.
703 The Difference Between Being A Victim + Having a Victim Mentality
Listen & Subscribe on iTunes/Apple Podcasts
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Intro“When we become empowered through the therapeutic process, we can stop from feeling like we’re teeny boats and our life is a massive tsunami that’s throwing us around. As we get healthier, we realize we have the power to be the tsunami, the weather, the storm, the energy that directs our own lives– and our lives can be the little boats.” – Terri Cole
Do you get offended if a date doesn’t immediately get back to you?
How about when you ask a friend to call you later and they don’t?
When you pass a stranger on the street and they glance at you, looking annoyed, do you assume their annoyance is directed at you?
Or do you cut others slack in these situations, rather than take it personally?
In this episode, I’m sharing what the research says are the four dimensions of the tendency for interpersonal victimhood, breaking down the difference between having a victim mentality and being a victim, and giving you ideas on how you can shift from a victim mindset into a growth mindset.
Highlights:5:00 Signs that you might be living in a victim mentality6:40 An external vs. internal locus of control9:00 My experience seeking recognition of my victimhood15:10 Moral elitism17:45 Shifting out of a victim mentalityLinks Mentioned:Find the downloadable guide I made to go along with today’s episode here.
Sign up for the Terri Cole Membership at terricole.com/tcm
Take the boundary quiz and learn more about your Boundary Style
I WROTE A BOOK ABOUT BOUNDARIES! Boundary Boss is THE essential guidebook for authentically expressing your desires, setting healthy limits and bringing more satisfaction, joy and peace into all of your personal and professional relationships. Purchase your copy now!
TAKE THE BOUNDARY STYLE QUIZ I always say, ya can’t change anything until you become aware of it, so take the quiz and discover your unique boundary style!
FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL Instagram is my jam and one of my favorite ways to connect with you. I put out new content there every, single day ?
JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP Become a part of our powerful community of real love revolutionaries!
SIGN UP FOR THE NEWSLETTER Want love notes from me delivered straight to your inbox? I share things to inspire and empower you each week, plus what I’m reading, watching, cooking…you get the idea ?
March 29, 2025
702 How to Menopause with Tamsen Fadal
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Intro“Menopause is what happens in the doctor’s office, but it’s also what happens way beyond that– in the bedroom, in the board room, and everything else that happens in our lives as women during this transition.” – Tamsen Fadal
I am so excited to have my pal, award-winning journalist and menopause advocate, Tamsen Fadal, back on the show to celebrate her new book How To Menopause, which I had the honor of contributing to!
It has been amazing to watch Tamsen step into being a midlife mentor. She is truly leading the menopause movement we desperately need and I am here for it. I don’t know about you, but it wasn’t fun going through perimenopause and menopause with next to zero knowledge and no one publicly talking about it.
Tamsen shares how watching her mother go through menopause inspired her to cultivate a strong, shame-free community where women can talk about their menopause journeys. We’re all going to go through it. Why not empower ourselves and the next generations with more knowledge? I think that’s exactly what How to Menopause will do. 
Tamsen Fadal is an Emmy award-winning journalist, author, documentary filmmaker, menopause advocate, and social media’s “midlife mentor.
After more than three decades as a news anchor, Tamsen made the bold decision to pivot her career toward women’s advocacy. From the bedroom to the boardroom, she serves as a best friend, guide and a one-stop resource for everything women need to thrive during midlife and beyond.
Tamsen is the creator and executive producer of the groundbreaking PBS documentary, The M Factor: Shredding the Silence on Menopause, which has galvanized a global movement. It has been viewed by over 1 million women and led to thousands of screenings around the world.
Her latest book, How to Menopause: Take Charge of Your Health, Reclaim Your Life, and Feel Even Better than Before (Hachette), answers all the questions you’ve been too nervous to ask. With this book, Tamsen has created a safe place to ask questions, gain support, and defeat the
shame and stigma around menopause and midlife.
Website: https://tamsenfadal.com
IG: https://instagram.com/tamsenfadal
The M Factor film: https://themfactorfilm.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TamsenFadalTV
I WROTE A BOOK ABOUT BOUNDARIES! Boundary Boss is THE essential guidebook for authentically expressing your desires, setting healthy limits, and bringing more satisfaction, joy, and peace into all of your personal and professional relationships. There are super JUICY bonuses when you pre-order, so what are you waiting for?
TAKE THE BOUNDARY STYLE QUIZ I always say, ya can’t change anything until you become aware of it, so take the quiz and discover your unique boundary style!
FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL Instagram is my jam and one of my favorite ways to connect with you. I put out new content there every, single day.
JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP Become a part of our powerful community of real love revolutionaries!
SIGN UP FOR THE NEWSLETTER Want love notes from me delivered straight to your inbox? I share things to inspire and empower you each week, plus what I’m reading, watching, cooking…you get the idea?
March 27, 2025
701 Managing Fear of Loss with Breeshia Wade
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Intro“By tending to our own suffering, we prevent ourselves from passing on our grief to other communities, thus minimizing marginalization.” – Breeshia Wade
I am so excited to have Breeshia Wade, author of Grieving While Black: An Antiracist Take on Oppression and Sorrow, on the show to talk about fear of future loss and Elemental Grief
.
She explains some ideas from the book: The way that fear of future loss has shaped society, and the responsibility that majority groups have to attend to their own feelings of fear so that they do not project those feelings onto members of oppressed minorities.
Breeshia also shares her experience attending Stanford University as a Black student, and we chat about fear of future loss in our marriages.
Highlights:2:25 Breeshia’s origin story in zen Buddhism5:30 Terri and Breeshia’s experiences with fear of future loss in their marriages8:00 Experiencing the gift of life with gratitude and mindfulness11:40 How society as a whole (and systemic inequity!) are shaped by fear of loss19:20 Combatting fear of change23:10 How Terri met and fell in love with her husband, Vic25:00 Why Breeshia grieved her acceptance to Stanford– Even though it was a great opportunity32:50 Breeshia’s most challenging boundary struggleConnect with Breeshia WadeAn incredibly engaging and vivacious personality, Sabrina Soto has a way of making you feel like she’s stepped right out of the screen and into your living room. She has been featured on TODAY, Live with Kelly and Mark, Good Morning America, The View, and in publications such as TIME, Elle Decor, People, Huffington Post, InStyle, Esquire, USA Today, Parade, Variety, Better Homes and Gardens, Latina, and The New York Post, among others.
Sabrina has enjoyed extensive exposure as the host and designer of numerous HGTV shows, including The High Low Project, Design Star, Real Estate Intervention, and Get It Sold. She has also appeared on White House Christmas and House Hunters, and was a cast member of TLC’s Trading Spaces.
Now, Sabrina is bringing her passion for home, wellness, and intentional living to her own lifestyle talk series, The Sabrina Soto Show, on Amazon, Hulu, Samsung and The Design Network. The show will feature expert-driven conversations on home, organization, wellness, mindset, and more—blending inspiration with actionable takeaways.
IG: https://instagram.com/sabrina_soto
Website: https://www.sabrinasoto.com/
The Sabrina Soto Show details: https://www.sabrinasoto.com/the-sabrina-soto-show/
I WROTE A BOOK ABOUT BOUNDARIES! Boundary Boss is THE essential guidebook for authentically expressing your desires, setting healthy limits, and bringing more satisfaction, joy, and peace into all of your personal and professional relationships. There are super JUICY bonuses when you pre-order, so what are you waiting for?
TAKE THE BOUNDARY STYLE QUIZ I always say, ya can’t change anything until you become aware of it, so take the quiz and discover your unique boundary style!
FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL Instagram is my jam and one of my favorite ways to connect with you. I put out new content there every, single day.
JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP Become a part of our powerful community of real love revolutionaries!
SIGN UP FOR THE NEWSLETTER Want love notes from me delivered straight to your inbox? I share things to inspire and empower you each week, plus what I’m reading, watching, cooking…you get the idea?
March 25, 2025
Little Treats: A Science-Backed Motivational Boost When You’re Tired of the Grind
Does it often feel like life is a grind of checking off endless to-do lists, where you barely have a moment for yourself?
The emphasis on hustle culture in society has conditioned many of us to believe that rest and reward must be earned through hard work.
It’s no wonder “little treat culture,” a trend on social media that encourages us to use small rewards to stay motivated, is exploding in popularity.
As a little treat gal for many years, I want to talk about the power of motivating yourself by using little treats throughout your day, the psychology behind why they work, and how treats can make life a little sweeter.
Prefer the audio? Listen here.
The Power of a Little TreatWe often think of treating ourselves as being indulgent. In my community, it’s common to find women who feel bad about giving something to themselves.
But having a small reward to look forward to can be incredibly motivating, especially when you feel exhausted from parenting, chores, work, and life in general.
A little treat can be a nice cup of coffee, a walk outside, or an episode of your favorite show. It’s whatever brings you joy. Personally, a good cup of coffee or a little piece of chocolate recalibrates my energy and mood.
Incorporating intentional little treats into your daily routine can be a game-changer because having a treat releases dopamine, a feel-good neurotransmitter, in our brains.
Dopamine sparks pleasure and satisfaction. It hits the part of the brain that motivates us to pursue that feeling again.
Science Supports Treating Ourselves!Little treat culture isn’t just a trend- it’s backed by science.
The Premack Principle, developed in the 1960s by psychologist David Premack,¹ explains that pairing a less desirable task with something enjoyable can increase the likelihood of completing that task.
In other words, doing something you enjoy can serve as a reward when you do something you want to avoid.
For example, if you dread cleaning your closet, treat yourself to a delicious cappuccino once you’re done.
Or if you struggle to get through a certain work task, plan to watch an episode of your favorite show afterward.
Giving ourselves a treat to look forward to taps into our natural desire to take a break and have fun doing something we enjoy.
Attaching little treats to things we don’t want to do reinforces the healthy traits we want more of. It also makes the sucky things in life suck a little less because there’s something satisfying at the end of doing them.
A 2019 study by Anaïs Thibault Landry and Ashley Whillans also found that the feeling produced by the reward is more important than the reward itself.²
It’s not about the latte you got, it’s about the feelings the latte produces in your brain and body.
A Shift Away from Grind CultureAccording to SELF Magazine,³ little treat culture is also gaining popularity because Millennials and Gen Z are rejecting “grit language” and fear of punishment as motivators.
For years, being a hustler has been a badge of honor. “No rest for the wicked,” “no pain, no gain,” etc.
But younger generations are moving away from this and embracing a more positive response to the promise of something satisfying and rewarding, like little treats.
This SELF Magazine article from 2024 featured a poignant quote from my friend, Brit Frank, a neuropsychotherapist specializing in productivity and stress management:
“We are post-pandemic and in an election year, so life can really feel overwhelming and out of control. My little treat doesn’t fix any of that, but it does give the illusion that I’m in control of my universe and I can do what I want and have what I want.”
There are still many things to worry about in the world, and Brit suggests that little treats can help us feel more masterful in the midst of it.
Anything that regularly boosts our dopamine and makes us feel good about ourselves is good for our nervous and immune systems, which is so important right now.
5 Step Process to Incorporate Little Treats Into Your LifeAre you ready to experiment with incorporating little treats into your life? Here are 5 simple steps to do so:
Set Clear, Achievable Goals: keep your goals small and doable with a defined endpoint. Don’t wait until you finish your PhD to reward yourself. Think along the lines of the everyday things you do, like grocery shopping, meal prep, or exercising.Identify Your Little Treats: what feels like a reward for you? A fancy latte? A walk outside? Reading a book? Watching a movie? Make a list of rewards that genuinely feel indulgent and positively impact your well-being.Pair Treats with Specific Achievements: connect your treat directly to the completion of certain goals or tasks. This will reinforce engaging in the behavior more often. (It’s not just about productivity, though! It’s about getting through things with more ease and grace and less frustration.)Track Your Progress: try incorporating little treats into your life for a week and see how it impacts your motivation and mood. Does it make completing tasks easier or more enjoyable? Do you get more accomplished with less angst?Use Moderation: balance is the key to making little treats work. If you overdo it and reward yourself for everything, you’ll begin to feel entitled to it rather than excited about it, which doesn’t produce the dopamine we’re looking for.If this is a lot to take in, don’t worry. All of the steps and prompts are in the guide so you can take your time with them.
At the end of the day, this is just about making life sweeter. There will always be things we have to do, and little treats offer us a sustainable way to get through them with more joy and energy.
When you work all the time without taking breaks, life becomes unsatisfying. (Trust me, I know!)
I invite you to try a little treat experiment for a week and see how it goes, especially if you can relate to this description of life by my pal davidji: “You wake up, burn through the day, drop, and do it all over again.”
Many of us can use this shift away from being on the treadmill of work to treating ourselves, and it can also help us uplevel our satisfaction with life.
Tell me: what are the little treats that make a difference for you? Are you willing to try this out for a week and see how it impacts your motivation and mood? Leave a comment or tag me in your stories on Instagram (@terricole).
Don’t forget to grab the free guide where I walk you through all the steps outlined above!
Have an amazing week and as always, take care of you.
P.S. If you love the cozy vibe of my blog, I think you’d love The Terri Cole Membership, where I host four Q&A calls on Zoom every month. Check it out and join at terricole.com/tcm. I’d love to have you!
¹https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-psyched/202404/how-to-use-the-little-treats-culture
700 Little Treats: A Science-Backed Motivational Boost When You’re Tired of the Grind
Listen & Subscribe on iTunes/Apple Podcasts
Listen & Subscribe on Spotify
Listen & Subscribe Stitcher.
Listen & Subscribe Google.
Listen & Subscribe PlayerFM.
Intro“The things we do in life are exhausting, even if we love doing them. There’s something about having a treat to look forward to that’s really really motivating.” – Terri Cole
Does it often feel like life is a grind of checking off endless to-do lists, where you barely have a moment for yourself?
The emphasis on hustle culture in society has conditioned many of us to believe that rest and reward must be earned through hard work.
It’s no wonder “little treat culture,” a trend on social media that encourages us to use small rewards to stay motivated, is exploding in popularity.
As a little treat gal for many years, I want to talk about the power of motivating yourself by using little treats throughout your day, the psychology behind why they work, and how treats can make life a little sweeter.
Highlights:5:30 What is little treat culture?7:30 The psychology behind little treats9:20 The generational difference between grit and positive reinforcement13:00 Making little treat culture attainable20:30 The consequence of working with no breaksLinks Mentioned:Find the downloadable guide I made to go along with today’s episode here.
Check out my husband Vic’s art on his website: https://juhaszillustration.com/
Sign up for the Terri Cole Membership at terricole.com/tcm
Take the boundary quiz and learn more about your Boundary Style
I WROTE A BOOK ABOUT BOUNDARIES! Boundary Boss is THE essential guidebook for authentically expressing your desires, setting healthy limits and bringing more satisfaction, joy and peace into all of your personal and professional relationships. Purchase your copy now!
TAKE THE BOUNDARY STYLE QUIZ I always say, ya can’t change anything until you become aware of it, so take the quiz and discover your unique boundary style!
FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL Instagram is my jam and one of my favorite ways to connect with you. I put out new content there every, single day ?
JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP Become a part of our powerful community of real love revolutionaries!
SIGN UP FOR THE NEWSLETTER Want love notes from me delivered straight to your inbox? I share things to inspire and empower you each week, plus what I’m reading, watching, cooking…you get the idea ?
March 20, 2025
699 Manifest Your Dream Life with Sabrina Soto
Listen & Subscribe on iTunes/Apple Podcasts
Listen & Subscribe on Spotify
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Intro“You can’t say the wrong thing to the right person. When the person is your person, it will all fit.” – Sabrina Soto
I am so excited to have one of my best friends on the show, Sabrina Soto. You may know her from HGTV, and she’s here to celebrate some amazing news: the debut of The Sabrina Soto Show! (I’m a guest on one of the episodes 
) This is an inspiring and feel-good episode you don’t want to miss.
You’re a fly on the wall for this girlfriend jam– We share our experiences with empowering ourselves with boundaries to end high-functioning codependency, why how we talk to ourselves matters, and how Sabrina manifested her new show and soulmate!
Remember, tune into The Sabrina Soto Show (Hulu, Amazon, Roku, Tubi, Dish, Plex, etc.) and DM Sabrina to let her know you watched it!
Highlights:4:45 how Sabrina manifested her own show and her soulmate over the last few decades9:00 Sabrina’s HFC journey11:50 How Sabrina keeps track of her manifestations12:00 The imposter syndrome that created an obstacle as Sabrina was working to manifest her new show19:35 The inspiration behind “The Sabrina Soto Show!”26:00 Being a reliable person for yourself28:50 Manifesting love: Sabrina’s romantic history and how she manifested her marriage with her soulmateConnect with Sabrina SotoAn incredibly engaging and vivacious personality, Sabrina Soto has a way of making you feel like she’s stepped right out of the screen and into your living room. She has been featured on TODAY, Live with Kelly and Mark, Good Morning America, The View, and in publications such as TIME, Elle Decor, People, Huffington Post, InStyle, Esquire, USA Today, Parade, Variety, Better Homes and Gardens, Latina, and The New York Post, among others.
Sabrina has enjoyed extensive exposure as the host and designer of numerous HGTV shows, including The High Low Project, Design Star, Real Estate Intervention, and Get It Sold. She has also appeared on White House Christmas and House Hunters, and was a cast member of TLC’s Trading Spaces.
Now, Sabrina is bringing her passion for home, wellness, and intentional living to her own lifestyle talk series, The Sabrina Soto Show, on Amazon, Hulu, Samsung and The Design Network. The show will feature expert-driven conversations on home, organization, wellness, mindset, and more—blending inspiration with actionable takeaways.
IG: https://instagram.com/sabrina_soto
Website: https://www.sabrinasoto.com/
The Sabrina Soto Show details: https://www.sabrinasoto.com/the-sabrina-soto-show/
I WROTE A BOOK ABOUT BOUNDARIES! Boundary Boss is THE essential guidebook for authentically expressing your desires, setting healthy limits, and bringing more satisfaction, joy, and peace into all of your personal and professional relationships. There are super JUICY bonuses when you pre-order, so what are you waiting for?
TAKE THE BOUNDARY STYLE QUIZ I always say, ya can’t change anything until you become aware of it, so take the quiz and discover your unique boundary style!
FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL Instagram is my jam and one of my favorite ways to connect with you. I put out new content there every, single day.
JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP Become a part of our powerful community of real love revolutionaries!
SIGN UP FOR THE NEWSLETTER Want love notes from me delivered straight to your inbox? I share things to inspire and empower you each week, plus what I’m reading, watching, cooking…you get the idea?
March 18, 2025
5 Steps to Having End-of-Life Conversations With Loved Ones
Have you ever lost someone close to you?
Or do you worry about the people you love dying?
Death and dying have been on my mind a lot because I recently lost a close friend of mine. Knowing that she was going to die brought up a desire to explore and talk about death and dying.
Whether you’re actively dealing with this or anticipating it, I hope sharing my experience and what I’ve learned will help you feel more prepared.
Prefer the audio? Listen here.
Last January, my friend of 25 years, Linda Laundra (whom I met while we were both teaching at NYU), was diagnosed with liver cancer. She had had health challenges throughout her life, but this was different. And I knew it.
Her diagnosis and my fear of losing her inspired me to face my fears and do research on death and dying. This brought me to Julie McFadden, also known as Hospice Nurse Julie, on social media (a beautiful expert on death and dying), and I interviewed her on my podcast, where she answered my questions and reassured me about what was next.
For most people (even a seasoned therapist!), talking about death and dying with loved ones can be complicated and messy. Julie offers a five-step process we can walk through to make those conversations less awkward and more graceful.
5 Tips to Navigate Death and Dying With Loved OnesIn case you’re new to her work, Hospice Nurse Julie has over 2 million followers across her social platforms. She was an ICU nurse before she transitioned into hospice work. Julie believes that the more we know about death, the better prepared we are for it, the better we live, and the more peacefully we die.
Her passion is helping others understand the dying process before we go through it. From her ICU and hospice nurse work, she learned the importance of discussing death and dying with loved ones sooner rather than later.
These are her five tips for broaching end-of-life conversations with family: ¹
Set the Stage: Be proactive by planning to have the conversation. Don’t just spring it on the person.Ask For Help: Frame the conversation as being helpful for you. For example, “Hey mom, can you help me with something? I know you’re okay right now, but if something were to happen in the future, getting plans in place will make it easier to know how to best care for you.”Make and Share Your Own Plan: If we want others to plan, we have to start with ourselves, even if we’re nowhere near death. Not only is it an easy way to start the conversation, but having a plan in place so our loved ones don’t have to figure things out while grieving is a loving thing to do.Bring in Experts: There are a lot of decisions to make when someone is unwell, and it can help to bring in experts like estate planners and funeral advisors, especially for more complex situations.Listen and Be Respectful: Once we begin the conversation, a lot will come up: funeral home planning, advanced directives, and obituary writing, to name a few. Your job is to listen fully to the other person and respect what they want.It’s important to have these conversations early on because we want our loved ones to have some semblance of control in the death and dying process. Leaving it too late can jeopardize their ability to have a say.
Don’t pressure yourself to do it perfectly. These conversations will likely be a bit awkward, and that’s okay. The important thing is starting it. Doing so lets your loved one know you’re open to it when they’re ready.
If someone you love is dying, download the guide for resources, such as places you can go and people you can call, because this can be an overwhelming experience. The guide also has tips for end-of-life conversations.
Our Bodies Know How to DieWhen I had Hospice Nurse Julie on the podcast, she explained that our bodies know how to die, which felt reassuring.
In Psychology Today, Megan Shen, PhD, says, “Those who are dying are immersed in their own world, guided by the archaic intelligence of death. The best thing you can do is respect their journey.”
This coincides with what Julie said during our interview, which is that when people aren’t educated about the death and dying process, they often panic and try to force a loved one to eat or drink. But the body knows what to do. Eating and drinking less and sleeping more is how it prepares for death.
If you want to educate yourself further on this process, Julie covers it all in her book, Nothing to Fear: Demystifying Death to Live More Fully, which I highly recommend.
An Excerpt From I’m Not a Mourning Person, by Kris CarrMy pal Kris Carr wrote a beautiful book, I’m Not a Mourning Person, about the death of her father, Ken, and I wanted to share this excerpt with you: ²
“Only cry in the shower. No one will see you, and you won’t wreck your mascara.”
This bit of wisdom was given to me by a family friend when my father was dying.
At the time, overwhelmed by emotion and desperately trying to maintain some semblance of control, I thought it was a brilliant tip. Not only did I attempt to follow this guideline, I also added a few of my own. Things like: Stuff yourself into the nearest closet and scream into a pillow (or any dense fabric that muffles agony). Dig your nails into your palms so the physical pain overrides your emotional distress. Think gruesome thoughts to distract yourself from your grueling feelings. These strategies worked for a while until my pent-up sorrow took on a life of its own, refusing to abide by any rules.
I remember the exact moment the dam broke. My dad had just received news that his cancer was progressing, and there were no more treatment options. Numb from the arresting prognosis, I walked through the aisles of my local drugstore, having offered to run an errand to pick up more Ensure—the only nourishment he could stomach. I stood frozen, staring at the chocolate-flavored protein drinks, incapable of deciding how many to buy. Will he live long enough for a case, or should I just stick to the four-packs?
That question hit me hard. An emotional tsunami was about to unleash itself on me and all the innocent shoppers in my immediate vicinity.
Shit! Here come my feelings. And no shower in sight. I blinked heavily through the checkout line, fighting back the deluge of tears that were mere seconds away, until I could rush to the safety of my car and sob uncontrollably. Let me tell you: the parking lot at CVS is no shower stall. My once-compartmentalized grief was now on full display. Hunched over my steering wheel in a teary puddle, I happened to notice an older woman, probably coming to fetch a prescription or buy toilet paper, glancing my way. She could plainly see what I’d been so desperate to hide: I was a full-blown mess.
After the remains of my mascara finished streaming down my face, I felt a sense of relief—similar to when medicine kicks in, giving you a break from a hallucinogenic fever. I’d somehow overlooked how cleansing it could be to let my feelings rip. After this happened a few more times (shout-out to Home Depot and their decision to pipe Michael Bolton’s “How Am I Supposed to Live Without You?” through their stereo system), I’d started to realize that these breaks helped me survive. They made me realize that the only way through my sadness was to allow the waves of big feelings to move through my body—something I’d been hell-bent on avoiding for fear I would drown.
If embracing my intense emotions helped me feel even the slightest bit better, why had I been so determined to avoid them? And given how all-encompassing these hints of catharsis felt, I couldn’t help but wonder, Where else in my life have I been avoiding grief? Did that avoidance have anything to do with the strange existential angst that had been creeping up on me over the last few years, where I sensed that I was not, in fact, living as fully as I could be?
The more I thought about it, the instinct to avoid grief made perfect sense to me. As well-meaning as my family friend’s advice was, Keep that mascara intact, honey was not going to help me heed my soul’s call to grow. For that, I would need to surrender to my grief and other big emotions.”
I really identified with Kris’s experience of trying to avoid the tsunami of feelings I was experiencing while Linda was sick and dying.
I was stuck between wanting to support her husband of 57 years and her friends of 40+ years and my own pain about not wanting to lose her and our friendship.
I felt selfish because while it wasn’t about me, it had to be about me when it came to me. Meaning, I had to take care of and process my feelings. I didn’t need to make Linda’s husband think about me, but I certainly asked my husband to think about me in my grief.
Linda transitioned on January 17, 2025, and I’m still experiencing grief. It’s not a linear process. I’ve accepted that the nature of grief, for me, is like waves.
Something will remind me of her, or I’ll think of something I need to tell her, and the realization that I can’t call her because she’s transitioned slams into me like a truck.
Don’t Forget to Take Care of Yourself + Find SupportWhen you’re supporting someone who is dying or being a caregiver, you need to receive support yourself. Ask for help where you need it. Bring in other people and take care of yourself to the best of your ability because this is often an emotionally heavy load.
If this isn’t something you’re dealing with right now, and you have siblings, talk to them about what end-of-life care for your parents may look like between all of you. I’ve had too many therapy clients and members of my community share that they got stuck with being the sole caregiver for a parent, and it doesn’t have to be that way, nor should it be.
Being in a community during these situations can be incredibly helpful, too. You don’t need to be alone in whatever you’re experiencing.
If you lack community, I’d love to invite you to join my membership. We meet four times a month to discuss whatever is on our minds and hearts via Q&As that I host on Zoom. When you join, you also get access to my signature courses. You can check out all the details and join here.
Let me know in the comments or on Instagram: What is your relationship to death and dying? Have you been through this experience? Have you processed it? Are you caring for someone who’s dying? Did this episode help you? Remember to download the guide for value packed resources to help you through this situation, and as always, take care of you.
698 5 Steps to Having End-of-Life Conversations With Loved Ones
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Intro“Part of why we want to have the death and dying conversation is that we want to honor our loved one’s desires. What do they want to happen?” – Terri Cole
Have you ever lost someone close to you?
Or do you worry about the people you love dying?
Death and dying have been on my mind a lot because I recently lost a close friend of mine. Knowing that she was going to die brought up a desire to explore and talk about death and dying.
Whether you’re actively dealing with this or anticipating it, I hope sharing my experience and what I’ve learned will help you feel more prepared.
Highlights:4:20 My own recent experience with the death of a close friend8:40 An excerpt from I’m Not a Mourning Person, by my friend Kris Carr12:30 Hospice nurse Julie’s advice for discussing death and dying15:00 How I discussed my mother’s end of life plans with her17:20 Bring in experts to clear up confusion around complicated plans19:10 Trusting your body during the death processLinks Mentioned:Find the downloadable guide I made to go along with today’s episode here.
Check out my husband Vic’s art on his website: https://juhaszillustration.com/
Sign up for the Terri Cole Membership at terricole.com/tcm
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