Terri Cole's Blog, page 2

766 The Foundation of Real Love: Emotional Security

Listen & Subscribe on iTunes/Apple Podcasts
Listen & Subscribe on Spotify
Listen & Subscribe Stitcher.
Listen & Subscribe Google.
Listen & Subscribe PlayerFM.

“Your level of emotional security in your relationship is the barometer of how seen, safe, and satisfied you feel in that relationship.” – Terri Cole

Intro

For many of us, emotional security is the missing piece in our relationships. It’s subtle, but its absence is exhausting. Without it, love feels like walking on eggshells, never fully able to relax into who we are.

This week on The Terri Cole Show, I share what emotional security really means, why it matters so much, and how to start cultivating it in yourself and with the people you love. Because when it’s missing, everything is more challenging than it needs to be. But when it is present, everything becomes easier and more transparent.

Highlights:5:00 Trust and emotional security8:00 What secure attachment feels like11:50 The cost of low emotional security in a relationship17:45 Improving your own emotional securityLinks Mentioned:

Find the downloadable guide I made to go along with today’s episode here.

Sign up for the Terri Cole Membership at terricole.com/tcm

Take the boundary quiz and learn more about your Boundary Style

Here are some ways I can support you:

I WROTE A BOOK ABOUT BOUNDARIES! Boundary Boss is THE essential guidebook for authentically expressing your desires, setting healthy limits and bringing more satisfaction, joy and peace into all of your personal and professional relationships. Purchase your copy now!

TAKE THE BOUNDARY STYLE QUIZ I always say, ya can’t change anything until you become aware of it, so take the quiz and discover your unique boundary style!

FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL Instagram is my jam and one of my favorite ways to connect with you. I put out new content there every, single day ?

JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP Become a part of our powerful community of real love revolutionaries!

SIGN UP FOR THE NEWSLETTER Want love notes from me delivered straight to your inbox? I share things to inspire and empower you each week, plus what I’m reading, watching, cooking…you get the idea ?

765 Liberal Redneck Humor with Comedian Trae Crowder

Listen & Subscribe on iTunes/Apple Podcasts
Listen & Subscribe on Spotify
Listen & Subscribe Stitcher.
Listen & Subscribe Google.
Listen & Subscribe PlayerFM.

“The whole ‘liberal redneck’ thing is, objectively speaking, a gimmick. Sometimes people think it’s contrived– It’s not. It just describes me as a person. What I am is a gimmick. Well, I can’t help that. ” – Trae Crowder

Intro

A journey through laughter and vulnerability: comedian Trae Crowder shares how his career in comedy took off after his viral “Liberal Redneck” videos and how he faced an unexpected challenge—anxiety. With raw honesty, he opens up about on-stage panic attacks and the alternative therapies that helped him regain balance.

This episode explores the intersection of comedy, identity, and emotional resilience. Beyond political humor, Trae reveals how anxiety transformed him as both a person and an artist, offering powerful insights into authenticity, personal growth, and the strength found in vulnerability. Comedy, psychology, and self help come together in a conversation that inspires and humanizes.

Highlights:3:30 Trae’s superhero origin story6:50 How Trae used humour as a social defense mechanism early in life8:35 Trae’s break as a comedian15:40 The conflict inherent to Trae’s comedy19:10 Trae’s experience with late-onset anxiety28:30 How Trae manages his exposure to news when his humor depends on staying relevant30:15 Trae’s comedy inspirations and process39:10 Trae’s most challenging boundary struggleConnect with Trae Crowder

Trae Crowder first gained international attention (or notoriety depending on your politics) in 2016 for his hugely viral series of “Liberal Redneck” comedic “porch rant” videos. Since then,Trae has written a best-selling book,The Liberal Redneck Manifesto: Draggin Dixie Outta TheDark, toured the country thrice over playing sold out theatre shows under the WellRED Comedy Tour banner, appeared on Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO), Nightline (ABC), The View, Last Word with Lawrence O’Donnell (MSNBC), NPR, WTF with Marc Maron, MTV, CNN, Huffington Post and in the Veronica Mars reboot, as “Chattanooga Charlie”, among many others.

Initially from rural Celina, TN, Trae now lives in Los Angeles, CA and has developed and sold five scripted pilots for Warner Bros TV, ABC, and FOX and continues to work as a writer. Trae stars in and produces regular sketches for Comedy Central, Funny orDie, ATTN, Facebook Watch, New York Daily News which have garnered tens of millions of views online. Crowder also co-wrote and produced an hour-long documentary titledInherent Good, featuring Crowder and former presidential candidate Andrew Yang, about universal basic income. Additionally, Trae co-hosts the hugely popular “WellRED,” “Evening Skews” and “Puttin’ OnAirs” podcasts. His debut 30-minute standup comedy special was taped in 2021 in Nashville, TN. He also continues to rant and rave on the internet to the mostly-delight of his lovely fanbase.

Facebook (1.3M Followers): Trae Crowder

Instagram (275k Followers): @officialtraecrowder

TikTok (803.4k Followers): @traecrowder

YouTube (553k Subscribers): Trae Crowder

Here are some ways we can connect and grow together:

I WROTE A BOOK ABOUT BOUNDARIES! Boundary Boss is THE essential guidebook for authentically expressing your desires, setting healthy limits, and bringing more satisfaction, joy, and peace into all of your personal and professional relationships. There are super JUICY bonuses when you pre-order, so what are you waiting for?

TAKE THE BOUNDARY STYLE QUIZ I always say, ya can’t change anything until you become aware of it, so take the quiz and discover your unique boundary style!

FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL Instagram is my jam and one of my favorite ways to connect with you. I put out new content there every, single day.

JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP Become a part of our powerful community of real love revolutionaries!

SIGN UP FOR THE NEWSLETTER Want love notes from me delivered straight to your inbox? I share things to inspire and empower you each week, plus what I’m reading, watching, cooking…you get the idea?

764 Midlife Reinvention with Jen Hatmaker

Listen & Subscribe on iTunes/Apple Podcasts
Listen & Subscribe on Spotify
Listen & Subscribe Stitcher.
Listen & Subscribe Google.
Listen & Subscribe PlayerFM.

“I didn’t find a single formula that worked for navigating midlife. What I found instead was this impulse to sit in each disrupted space, fully and clearly, and to feel everything I needed to feel about each and every change.” – Jen Hatmaker

Intro

In this episode, Jen Hatmaker shares her journey of how to Heal after loss and embrace new beginnings. She opens up about grief, growth, and the importance of community while navigating midlife changes and codependency. Her story is a reminder that you can Heal even in the most disruptive seasons of life.

This interview dives deep into what it means to rebuild yourself after loss, from embodying practices like meditation to setting boundaries with time and energy. Whether you’re searching for ways to Heal, move forward, or find joy after loss, this episode offers tools and hope for personal growth and transformation.

Highlights:4:00 Jen’s superhero origin story14:00 Navigating the disruption and change of midlife through feeling and embodiment21:30 How to decide what stays and what goes during a period of rebirth25:00 Looking around you for humanity and connection33:30 Identity and adult friendships40:00 Jen’s first “first date” since 199243:00 Jen’s biggest personal boundary struggleConnect with Jen Hatmaker

Jen Hatmaker is the New York Times bestselling author of Feed These People, For the Love, and Fierce, Free, and Full of Fire, along with eleven other books. She hosts the award- winning For the Love podcast, is the delighted curator of the Jen Hatmaker Book Club, and leader of a tightly knit online community where she reaches millions of people each week.

Jen wants to inspire you to be delighted, find hope and humor, build connection, and keep going. She is a mom to five kids and lives happily just outside Austin, Texas.

Find Jen at

https://jenhatmaker.com

https://www.instagram.com/jenhatmaker

Here are some ways we can connect and grow together:

I WROTE A BOOK ABOUT BOUNDARIES! Boundary Boss is THE essential guidebook for authentically expressing your desires, setting healthy limits, and bringing more satisfaction, joy, and peace into all of your personal and professional relationships. There are super JUICY bonuses when you pre-order, so what are you waiting for?

TAKE THE BOUNDARY STYLE QUIZ I always say, ya can’t change anything until you become aware of it, so take the quiz and discover your unique boundary style!

FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL Instagram is my jam and one of my favorite ways to connect with you. I put out new content there every, single day.

JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP Become a part of our powerful community of real love revolutionaries!

SIGN UP FOR THE NEWSLETTER Want love notes from me delivered straight to your inbox? I share things to inspire and empower you each week, plus what I’m reading, watching, cooking…you get the idea?

The Cost of Love: What Real Love Asks of You

Do you ever think about ‘the cost’ of real love?

I’m talking about the kind of love that stretches, challenges, and asks you to grow.

That’s what we’re getting into in this episode of The Terri Cole Show. Because while love is beautiful, meaningful, and deeply fulfilling, it also asks something of us.

And that’s not a bad thing. But it’s something we rarely talk about.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RoSg-GfMzec

Prefer the audio? Listen here.

Love Asks Something of You

Romantic, platonic, familial, and creative love: your love for people, your work, and your calling all have a cost.

Not in a negative way. But in the sense that to love deeply, you have to show up fully. And that’s not always easy.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot because this month marks the 10th anniversary of my podcast and YouTube show, The Terri Cole Show. A decade of doing what I love. A decade of showing up.

And just like in my 28-year marriage or in my friendships that have lasted even longer, it takes something to keep loving well.

Whether it’s with your partner, your people, or your purpose, it takes devotion, consistency, and presence.

The Love Story We’re Sold

Most of us grew up with the fantasy that real love should be easy.

The media sells us effortless love: the kind where everything clicks, with no conflict, no compromise, no hard conversations: just joy, puppies, and great sex!

But the truth is, every real love story has a cost. And not the kind rooted in suffering, betrayal, or self-abandonment.

The cost is growth.

Love Makes You Stretch

To love someone well, whether it’s a friend, a partner, or a family member, means letting yourself be seen.

And that’s vulnerable.

When I was younger, I wore masks in relationships. I shape-shifted to be the “cool girl,” the easygoing one. I’d take on someone else’s music taste, style, and preferences. Whatever it took to fit.

That wasn’t love. That was a performance.

It wasn’t until I got into therapy in my early 20s, stopped drinking, and started building emotional skills that I even knew what authentic love could feel like. Love that sees you, holds you, and still asks something of you, but in a good way.

Vulnerability Has a Cost

Even in healthy love, being vulnerable can feel terrifying. If you grew up with insecure or unsafe attachments, you may have learned to guard your heart at all costs.

That’s why I don’t preach blanket vulnerability. I believe in voluntary vulnerability.

You get to choose who earns access to your tender heart. Not everyone deserves it. When you give it to the right person, someone emotionally trustworthy, you get connection, understanding, and intimacy.

I remember early in my relationship with Vic, I asked him, “If I ever do something that bugs you, will you tell me?” He was confused at first. “Why? Did something happen?”

I said no. I just wanted him to know he could be honest with me.

A few months later, he told me something small. It was about hair in the shower drain. And you know what? I’ve cleaned the drain every single time I wash my hair, since. Because he felt safe enough to say it, and I wanted him to know that his comfort mattered to me.

That’s what vulnerability can create.

Compromise Has a Cost

Love also asks us to compromise.

Not in a way that betrays your needs or integrity, but in a way that protects the relationship.

When both people are willing to bend a little, it becomes less about “me vs. you” and more about “us.”

And yes, compromise costs something. But it also builds something.

Boundaries Are Love in Action

Showing up fully means bringing your whole self to the table, including your preferences, desires, and limits.

When you hide those things, you build resentment.

When you share them, you build clarity.

Boundaries are bridges, not walls. They make real connections possible.

Love Requires Tending

Every relationship is a living, breathing thing. It needs attention.

It needs texts, calls, and follow-ups.

Not everyone wants or needs the same amount of connection. But the people you care about? They deserve to know it.

And long-term love, whether romantic or otherwise, needs repair. You’re going to get it wrong sometimes. You’ll say the wrong thing. Snap when you’re overwhelmed.

It’s not about being perfect. It’s about owning it, coming back, and trying again.

I said something snippy to Vic the other night. Nothing huge. But I paused, reflected, then came back and said, “Hey, I’m sorry. That wasn’t about you. I’m just overwhelmed from writing.”

That’s what love asks of us: honesty, accountability, and willingness.

The Deepest Payoff: Belonging

What you get back from love, when it’s mutual, healthy, and real, is a profound sense of belonging.

I belong in my marriage.

I belong in my friendships.

I belong in my work.

I belong to myself.

And that belonging is worth every ounce of effort.

Love Brings Growth and Joy

Love stretches us. It makes us more compassionate, more present, more ourselves.

Even when we want to run, real love gives us a reason to stay.

And it multiplies joy.

When someone I love is happy, I feel it too. My friends’ wins feel like my own. Their joy expands mine.

Love doesn’t diminish you. It expands you.

And Yes, There’s Loss

One of the reasons I wanted to talk about this is that I recently lost a very close friend—someone I loved for over 25 years.

Being present with her through her final days was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

But I would never trade the joy, the sisterhood, the friendship we had just to avoid the grief.

Not for a second.

Love costs. But it gives more than it takes.

So, be brave.

Let yourself love. Let yourself be loved. Let it stretch you.

And thank you for letting me show up here for a full decade with my whole self.

Download the guide for actionable tools to help you navigate love with more clarity and courage.

I hope it supports you in some small way.

And as always, take care of you.

763 The Cost of Love: What Real Love Asks of You

Listen & Subscribe on iTunes/Apple Podcasts
Listen & Subscribe on Spotify
Listen & Subscribe Stitcher.
Listen & Subscribe Google.
Listen & Subscribe PlayerFM.

“The myth that good relationships just maintain themselves is completely untrue.” – Terri Cole

Intro

Do you ever think about ‘the cost’ of real love?

I’m talking about the kind of love that stretches, challenges, and asks you to grow.

That’s what we’re getting into in this episode of The Terri Cole Show. Because while love is beautiful, meaningful, and deeply fulfilling, it also asks something of us.

And that’s not a bad thing. But it’s something we rarely talk about.

Highlights:9:40 The risk of rejection that comes with vulnerability11:50 The mental health skills that open the door to real love14:00 Why you should look inside before looking outside23:00 How love can be worth the pain of lossLinks Mentioned:

Find the downloadable guide I made to go along with today’s episode here.

Sign up for the Terri Cole Membership at terricole.com/tcm

Take the boundary quiz and learn more about your Boundary Style

Here are some ways I can support you:

I WROTE A BOOK ABOUT BOUNDARIES! Boundary Boss is THE essential guidebook for authentically expressing your desires, setting healthy limits and bringing more satisfaction, joy and peace into all of your personal and professional relationships. Purchase your copy now!

TAKE THE BOUNDARY STYLE QUIZ I always say, ya can’t change anything until you become aware of it, so take the quiz and discover your unique boundary style!

FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL Instagram is my jam and one of my favorite ways to connect with you. I put out new content there every, single day ?

JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP Become a part of our powerful community of real love revolutionaries!

SIGN UP FOR THE NEWSLETTER Want love notes from me delivered straight to your inbox? I share things to inspire and empower you each week, plus what I’m reading, watching, cooking…you get the idea ?

762 Release Chronic Pain and Anxiety with Nicole J. Sachs

Listen & Subscribe on iTunes/Apple Podcasts
Listen & Subscribe on Spotify
Listen & Subscribe Stitcher.
Listen & Subscribe Google.
Listen & Subscribe PlayerFM.

“We’ve had a limited understanding of our health. I believe our society and the collective consciousness is ready to disrupt it.” – Nicole J. Sachs

Intro

Discover how psychotherapist Nicole Sachs turned her chronic pain diagnosis into a journey of mind-body healing. In this episode, Nicole shares her powerful methods like Journal Speak and the ANSR framework to release repressed emotions, calm anxiety, and restore nervous system balance.

If you’ve struggled with chronic pain, anxiety, or stress-related illness, this episode offers practical tools for self-healing, emotional resilience, and long-term personal growth. Learn how addressing your inner world can transform your physical health and empower your life.

Highlights:3:00 Nicole’s back pain origin story8:45 How Nicole’s new book, Mind your Body, illuminates the healing that can come through the mind-body connection10:55 Why empowerment shouldn’t stop with modern medicine14:30 Embodying anxiety in an affirming way19:50 A new technique to help you connect with your emotions: Journal-speak32:00 The ANSR framework36:55 Nicole’s biggest personal boundary struggleConnect with Nicole J. Sachs

Nicole J. Sachs, LCSW, is a speaker, writer, psychotherapist, retreat leader, and podcaster who has dedicated her work and her practice to the treatment of chronic pain and anxiety. She is the author of the books MIND YOUR BODY (Penguin/RandomHouse, 2/25) and The Meaning of Truth (2016) and creator of the online courses “Freedom from Chronic Pain,” “Freedom From an Anxious Life,” and “The Sarno x SachsSolution” practitioner training. Her brands, BreakAwake and The Cure for Chronic Pain,include a website,podcast, YouTube channel, membership community, and newsletter. Sachs is on faculty at the Omega Institute for Holistic Studies in New York

Find Nicole at

https://www.yourbreakawake.com

https://www.instagram.com/nicolesachslcsw

Here are some ways we can connect and grow together:

I WROTE A BOOK ABOUT BOUNDARIES! Boundary Boss is THE essential guidebook for authentically expressing your desires, setting healthy limits, and bringing more satisfaction, joy, and peace into all of your personal and professional relationships. There are super JUICY bonuses when you pre-order, so what are you waiting for?

TAKE THE BOUNDARY STYLE QUIZ I always say, ya can’t change anything until you become aware of it, so take the quiz and discover your unique boundary style!

FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL Instagram is my jam and one of my favorite ways to connect with you. I put out new content there every, single day.

JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP Become a part of our powerful community of real love revolutionaries!

SIGN UP FOR THE NEWSLETTER Want love notes from me delivered straight to your inbox? I share things to inspire and empower you each week, plus what I’m reading, watching, cooking…you get the idea?

761 Raising Confident, Connected Kids with Alyssa Campbell

Listen & Subscribe on iTunes/Apple Podcasts
Listen & Subscribe on Spotify
Listen & Subscribe Stitcher.
Listen & Subscribe Google.
Listen & Subscribe PlayerFM.

“Our book’s not a one-size fits all solution. It’s about understanding who you are and who the kid in front of you is so that you know the right way to respond to them.” – Alyssa Campbell

Intro

Parenting isn’t just about managing your child’s emotions—it starts with regulating your own. In this conversation, Alyssa Blask Campbell shares how unresolved childhood wounds affect the way we parent, and why emotional regulation is the foundation for healthier family dynamics.

Through her FACTS framework, she explains practical tools backed by neuroscience to support both adults and kids. If you’re interested in personal growth, psychology, or self-help strategies, this interview will shift the way you think about parenting and give you new tools for everyday life.

Highlights:3:15 How recognizing her own inconsistency brought Alyssa to write her first book 5:10 Why Alyssa’s first book became a bestseller8:20 The way conflict with children can emotionally activate parents11:35 The five steps to regulate your nervous system25:00 How the neuroceptive sense responds to traumaConnect with Alyssa Campbell

Alyssa Campbellis a mother of two, bestselling author of Tiny Humans, Big Emotions, Founder and CEO of Seed & Sew, and host of the Voices of Your Village podcast. Alyssa has a master’s degree in early childhood education and strives to change the way adults experience children’s emotions so we can respond with intention to raise emotionally intelligent humans. Her recent book, Big Kids, Bigger Feelings: Navigating Defiance, Meltdowns, Anxiety to Raise Confident, Connected Kids (HarperCollins Publishers, September 16, 2025) is an essential guide to supporting children’s social and emotional growth through the elementary school years (ages 5–12), a critical but often-overlooked developmental stage

Website: https://www.seedandsew.org/

Here are some ways we can connect and grow together:

I WROTE A BOOK ABOUT BOUNDARIES! Boundary Boss is THE essential guidebook for authentically expressing your desires, setting healthy limits, and bringing more satisfaction, joy, and peace into all of your personal and professional relationships. There are super JUICY bonuses when you pre-order, so what are you waiting for?

TAKE THE BOUNDARY STYLE QUIZ I always say, ya can’t change anything until you become aware of it, so take the quiz and discover your unique boundary style!

FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL Instagram is my jam and one of my favorite ways to connect with you. I put out new content there every, single day.

JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP Become a part of our powerful community of real love revolutionaries!

SIGN UP FOR THE NEWSLETTER Want love notes from me delivered straight to your inbox? I share things to inspire and empower you each week, plus what I’m reading, watching, cooking…you get the idea?

Why You Snap (And How to Stop): Breaking Free From Emotional Reactivity

Do you ever snap at someone, shut down, or blurt something sharp… then immediately regret it and think, what was that about?!

Yeah. Me too.

If you’re nodding your head yes, you’re definitely not alone. What you are, most likely, is emotionally activated by something from your past. And in this episode of The Terri Cole Show, I break down why this happens, how to spot it, and what to do instead.

Think of this as a practical way to feel a little less out of control and a little more like yourself again.

https://youtu.be/ZvDr8zR-fB8

Prefer the audio? Listen here.

Why We React (Even When We Don’t Want To)

Let’s start with the root: emotional activation.

I use the term “activation” instead of “triggered,” because for some, even the word trigger can be… well, triggering. What we’re talking about here are past wounds, unmet needs, or unresolved experiences that get poked by something in our present.

Examples?

If you have a mother wound, even a small comment about your parenting might sting more than it should.If you grew up around manipulation, you might either overreact to it now or get pulled into it without realizing.

Add in unresolved trauma, especially from childhood, and you’ve got a perfect recipe for disproportionate reactions.

What Reactivity Feels Like: Hijacked by the Past

Emotional reactivity often comes with a full-blown nervous system response: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. These were once essential survival mechanisms, but in our modern lives, they often get activated in situations that aren’t life-threatening.

That moment you snap at your partner after a long day?
That icy silence you give instead of saying what you feel?
That sudden wave of defensiveness when someone offers feedback?

These aren’t random; they’re clues.

We’re not reacting to just this moment. We’re reacting to every moment that came before it that looks or feels similar. That’s the hijacking.

Signs You’re Reacting (Not Responding)

How do you know when it’s happening?

Regretting what you said almost immediatelyPassive-aggressive behaviorSaying yes when you want to say noDisproportionate anger or offenseBeing overly defensive

When you’re reacting, you’re not choosing. You’re just acting.

In my 20s, I lived in this place. Constantly defensive. Saying hurtful things I didn’t mean. Feeling justified in the moment, but later? Full of regret. That was emotional immaturity, yes. But it was also emotional insecurity rooted in unhealed pain.

Defensiveness, by the way, often shows up when we feel like we’re being attacked even if we aren’t. When you’re carrying old wounds, simple interactions can start to feel like battles. And when you’re always preparing to defend yourself, there’s very little room for connection.

How Conditioning Teaches Women to Hide Their Hurt

I think many of us can be tough on ourselves when we overreact or say something we regret. But the truth is, reacting is a very human experience. There are usually good reasons for what you’re doing. Reasons that make sense once you slow down and look a little deeper.

So please hear this: You have many good reasons for reacting the way you do. Your brain makes sense. And the critical part is that it is possible to change.

What To Do Instead: The Practice of Responding

This isn’t about perfection, it’s about progress.

Here’s how we begin shifting out of reactivity and into intentional response:

Pause and Breathe
Literally. Right now, try it. Inhale… 1, 2, 3. Exhale. Soften your shoulders.

When something activates you, commit to taking a full minute before responding. If it’s a text or email, give yourself 24 hours. You are allowed to take that time.

Bonus Grounding Exercise: 5-4-3-2-1

Name 5 things you see4 things you can touch3 things you hear2 things you smell1 thing you taste

It brings your attention back to your body, back to now. It hands you the wheel again.

Name the Feeling
What just happened? What are you actually feeling?

Last night, I snapped at my husband over something ridiculously small. What to watch on TV. (He never watches without me, and the decision fatigue was real.) But when I paused, breathed, and examined it, I realized I wasn’t mad about the show.

I was feeling alone. Tired. Worn out from writing my book. Like everything was on me.

That’s what it was really about.

So I owned it. I said, “I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair. I’m feeling overwhelmed, and I just took it out on you.”

And of course, in true Pisces form, he was all chill and love. But the bigger win? I didn’t stay hijacked. I came back to myself.

Identify the Activation Point
Is this about now? Or does it feel familiar?

That familiar feeling is a flag. Something old is driving the emotional bus.

Name it. Acknowledge it. You don’t need to psychoanalyze every detail, just gently recognize the echo.

Talk It Out or Act It Out
When something goes sideways, you have two choices: talk it out or act it out.

One leads to clarity. The other leads to confusion.

Sometimes we don’t apologize. We just bring our partner a cup of tea or act extra cheerful. That falls under the defense mechanism of undoing. It’s not the worst thing in the world—but it’s not a specific repair either.

Talking it out creates resolution. Acting it out keeps the tension alive under the surface.

Self-Soothe Before Re-Engaging
Walk. Journal. Hug a tree. Seriously. Get grounded before you respond.

Self-soothing doesn’t mean stuffing your feelings. It means creating space to hear them clearly.

Boundaries Make Everything Better

One of the most powerful tools for reducing emotional reactivity? Boundaries.

When your space, time, and energy are protected, you’re less likely to explode, implode, or overextend. When you know where you end and others begin, there’s more room for response and less urgency to react.

Let’s make this real:

“I need a moment before we continue this conversation.”“I’m not in a space to respond thoughtfully right now. I’ll circle back.”“I don’t feel good about saying yes, so I’m going to say no.”

These phrases are bridges, not walls. They build safety, not separation.

And remember: Reactivity often spikes when boundaries have been crossed. The earlier you recognize that signal, the faster you can reclaim your peace.

Every Pause Is a Radical Act of Self-Love

Reactivity creates regret. Responding creates respect.

Every time you pause, breathe, and reflect before speaking or acting, you’re giving yourself a little more room to move through the hard stuff.

Because when your past tries to hijack the moment, you don’t have to let it.
You can slow it down, pause, and reflect. And you can choose something different.

If you want a guide to walk you through this, I created one for you here.

Are you emotionally reactive? Did this resonate? I want to hear from you.

Leave a comment. Let’s yak it out.

And as always, take care of you.

4 FAQ Questions:

Q1: What’s the difference between being “triggered” and “emotionally activated”? A: Emotional activation is a gentler term for when past wounds or unmet needs get poked by something in the present. While “triggered” can feel harsh or clinical, activation acknowledges that your nervous system is responding to familiar patterns without judgment.

Q2: How long should I pause before responding when I feel activated? A: At minimum, take one full minute to breathe before responding. For texts or emails, give yourself 24 hours when possible. Remember: you’re allowed to take that time, and it’s better than responding from a reactive place.

Q3: What if I’ve already reacted poorly – is it too late to fix it? A: It’s never too late! You can always circle back with an apology and explanation. Try: “I’m sorry, that wasn’t fair. I was feeling [overwhelmed/hurt/tired] and took it out on you.” Talking it out creates resolution; acting it out keeps tension alive.

Q4: How do boundaries help reduce emotional reactivity? A: When your time, energy, and space are protected, you’re less likely to explode or overextend. Boundaries create breathing room between you and others, giving you space to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.

760 Are You Reacting or Responding? Here’s the Difference!

Listen & Subscribe on iTunes/Apple Podcasts
Listen & Subscribe on Spotify
Listen & Subscribe Stitcher.
Listen & Subscribe Google.
Listen & Subscribe PlayerFM.

“When you feel like your own feelings are running you over like a freight train, that’s when you know you have to slow down.” – Terri Cole

Intro

Have you ever reacted in ways you later regret? In this episode we’ll explore what emotional reactivity really is, why it’s often tied to old wounds and unmet needs, and how you can break free from the cycle.

You’ll learn practical tools to pause, breathe, set healthy boundaries, and respond with clarity instead of reacting on autopilot—building more peace, emotional intelligence, and self-respect in your daily life.

Highlights:5:45 Why do we react emotionally?8:20 What is happening inside when we are activated or triggered12:30 Spotting the signs of reacting vs. responding17:40 Tools to help you turn a reaction into a responseLinks Mentioned:

Find the downloadable guide I made to go along with today’s episode here.

Sign up for the Terri Cole Membership at terricole.com/tcm

Take the boundary quiz and learn more about your Boundary Style

Here are some ways I can support you:

I WROTE A BOOK ABOUT BOUNDARIES! Boundary Boss is THE essential guidebook for authentically expressing your desires, setting healthy limits and bringing more satisfaction, joy and peace into all of your personal and professional relationships. Purchase your copy now!

TAKE THE BOUNDARY STYLE QUIZ I always say, ya can’t change anything until you become aware of it, so take the quiz and discover your unique boundary style!

FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL Instagram is my jam and one of my favorite ways to connect with you. I put out new content there every, single day ?

JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP Become a part of our powerful community of real love revolutionaries!

SIGN UP FOR THE NEWSLETTER Want love notes from me delivered straight to your inbox? I share things to inspire and empower you each week, plus what I’m reading, watching, cooking…you get the idea ?

759 The Power of Paying it Forward with Caitlin Crosby

Listen & Subscribe on iTunes/Apple Podcasts
Listen & Subscribe on Spotify
Listen & Subscribe Stitcher.
Listen & Subscribe Google.
Listen & Subscribe PlayerFM.

“There’s a throughline I’ve found among a lot of my female entrepreneur friends: The issues we may have with employees are the same issues we have with our romantic partners.” – Caitlin Crosby

Intro

On today’s episode, I invite Caitlin Crosby on to The Terri Cole Show for a dive into ambition, betrayal, and boundary setting as a female entrepreneur. Caitlin shares her personal story of overcoming the betrayal of a trusted CFO and how she learned to trust her instincts. Plus, we chat about how the same struggles we have in professional life often pop up in our personal lives as well.

Highlights:3:40 Caitlin’s “Marvel origin story”10:20 How and why Caitlin started The Giving Keys15:00 The impact of trusting your intuition and making big moves20:00 What a business betrayal taught Caitlin about her other relationships25:30 Caitlin’s struggles as a woman in business33:15 How Caitlin makes time to take care of herself38:00 Caitlin’s biggest boundary struggleConnect with Caitlin Crosby

Caitlin Crosby, named among Oprah’s Super Soul 100 list of visionaries elevating humanity is the Founder & CEO of The Giving Keys, a give-back Pay It Forward jewelry and lifestyle company, 2x Best Selling Author, as well as a speaker, (a 2xTEDx, Stanford, United States Institute of Peace in DC) former singer-songwriter and actress. The Giving Keys pay-it-forward model has prompted over 3 million customers to pass on their key and its encouraging word on to someone who needs it more, starting a worldwide movement.

Caitlin was a pioneer in the woman-owned, Social Enterprise space, launching The Giving Keys 16 years ago, and has employed over 150 people who were transitioning out of homelessness.Caitlin has been featured in Forbes, Kenneth Cole’s Courageous Class, Gap, and Levi’s campaigns, The Today Show, People Magazine, Elle, Teen Vogue, The View, HarpersBazaar, Create & Cultivate 100, Oprah’s O Magazine, and more. Caitlin lives with her two children Brave and Love in Los Angeles. You can connect with her on Instagram@caitlincrosby and @thegivingkeys.

Website: https://www.thegivingkeys.com/

Here are some ways we can connect and grow together:

I WROTE A BOOK ABOUT BOUNDARIES! Boundary Boss is THE essential guidebook for authentically expressing your desires, setting healthy limits, and bringing more satisfaction, joy, and peace into all of your personal and professional relationships. There are super JUICY bonuses when you pre-order, so what are you waiting for?

TAKE THE BOUNDARY STYLE QUIZ I always say, ya can’t change anything until you become aware of it, so take the quiz and discover your unique boundary style!

FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL Instagram is my jam and one of my favorite ways to connect with you. I put out new content there every, single day.

JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP Become a part of our powerful community of real love revolutionaries!

SIGN UP FOR THE NEWSLETTER Want love notes from me delivered straight to your inbox? I share things to inspire and empower you each week, plus what I’m reading, watching, cooking…you get the idea?