Whenever you're here, I'm there for you Quotes

“Some trees yield fruit. No tree grows piano music, and that’s exactly the kind of vegetable that goes best with dinner.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“Photos have no sound. That’s strange, because even conch shells feature The Song of The Ocean. Why don’t you try playing THAT on your car’s radio?”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“Give a man a pair of scissors, and he can cut his son’s hair. But teach his son how to play baseball, and his son can then cut his own hair.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“These days, what is a university but a collection of sports teams that share a mascot and fan base of students who mostly go into debt to study for careers already made obsolete by Artificial Intelligence?”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“Stolen merchandise is referred to as hot. I bought a boosted fridge, and yep, it was definitely hot. It did not have any chill to it, sort of like your mother.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“I make music one note at a time, just as did Mozart. Tomorrow night you’ll get to hear the second note in my masterpiece symphony.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“Someone once described me as a “Silly Goose,” but I tried to not get offended. I prefer to think of myself as a Quirky Duck.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“Idea: A shelf shirt. It’s an actual shirt you’d wear, but it has 3D shelves built in with mini trophies on the shelves. Why just say you’re The World’s Best Dad when you can show off your awards and prove it?”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“Dandelions grow up through concrete and are viewed by people in the city as weeds. The fact is, they are valued members of the community.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“I wish I could extract thoughts from the past. I’d like to know what was on my mind as photos were statued in time.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“Women glance at hands like men stare at asses. Why do you think attractive men are called handsome?”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“Fireworks are SkyFlowers—dandelions of light. They are a visual display of the celebration of life.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“A head of lettuce is empty of thoughts. But is it really that dumb? It never argues over politics or gloats about VOTING.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“I give piano lessons. Do I know how to play the piano? Of course not. But you know the saying: Those who can’t do, teach.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“When you get arrested, remember that you get one phone call. Next time, use it to order a Chinese food delivery.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“Do you know why a Moscow Mule is served in a copper mug? Because copper is a conduit for electrical power, and that makes it the ultimate energy drink.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“I convert sunlight into edible energy. You can’t complain about not being tall enough if you aren’t eating like a tree.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“He has dynastic wealth. He worked hard for his money. He was born.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“An elevator is a ride. It’s for thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“I’m not a hillbilly. I’m more upscale. I’m a hillwilliam.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“A tornado could stir its own coffee. I’ll bet a tornado takes its java with lots of cream, sugar, and roadside debris.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“If Elvis ran for Mayor of Branson, who would run against him? I mean, besides the dozens of Elvis Impersonators in the area trying to make a name for themselves by trying to make a name for Elvis.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“I see tourists as balloons. I can't take my pet tree for a walk, so instead I host children's parties for geriatrics.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“The owner of The Cigarette Emporium said I'd make a valuable employee. Personally, I think he was just blowing smoke up my ass, and now I'm concerned I'll get cancer of the butt.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“You work Monday through Friday and then you're off on Saturday and Sunday. It was sunny all week, and you have plans to go to the beach, but it's supposed to rain all weekend. That's natural, because the weather exists to sabotage your future.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“All the potholes in the roads need to be filled. You should fill them with my homemade chicken noodle soup.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“I have great taste in music. You know this because all of my favorite songs play overhead in the men's restroom at Walmart.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“Ride a horse that’s riding a bicycle. That would make you The Lance Armstrong of cowboys.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“There's an old song called Brick House comparing a woman to a sturdy mason-crafted home. Is that flattering? Maybe women would rather their bodies be perceived as stucco abodes.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“Write historical records in chalk on sidewalks. That way they are preserved for people in the future to read.”
― Jarod Kintz, Whenever you're here, I'm there for you