Absurd Quotes

Quotes tagged as "absurd" Showing 1-30 of 325
Woody Allen
“To you, I'm an atheist.
To God, I'm the loyal opposition.”
Woody Allen

Terry Pratchett
“No! Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!" the man yelled.
"Really?" said Vimes. "What's the orbital velocity of the moon?"
"What?"
"Oh, you'd like something simpler?”
Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

William Goldman
“Just because you're beautiful and perfect, it's made you conceited.”
William Goldman, The Princess Bride

Garrison Keillor
“Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.”
Garrison Keillor

Thomas Mann
“Solitude gives birth to the original in us, to beauty unfamiliar and perilous - to poetry. But also, it gives birth to the opposite: to the perverse, the illicit, the absurd.”
Thomas Mann, Death in Venice and Other Tales

Franz Kafka
“A First Sign of the Beginning of Understanding is the Wish to Die.”
Franz Kafka

George Orwell
“It's a beautiful thing, the destruction of words.”
George Orwell, 1984

Jon Stewart
“Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.”
Jon Stewart

Woody Allen
“I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.”
Woody Allen

Woody Allen
“It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel.”
Woody Allen

Groucho Marx
“I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.”
Groucho Marx

Albert Camus
“Seeking what is true is not seeking what is desirable.”
Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus and Other Essays

Jon Stewart
“I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.”
Jon Stewart

Niels Bohr
“Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future.”
Niels Bohr

Albert Camus
“What is called a reason for living is also an excellent reason for dying.”
Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus and Other Essays

J.R.R. Tolkien
“Some who have read the book, or at any rate have reviewed it, have found it boring, absurd, or contemptible, and I have no cause to complain, since I have similar opinions of their works, or of the kinds of writing that they evidently prefer.”
J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Albert Einstein
“If at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it.”
Albert Einstein

Woody Allen
“I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time.
She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.”
Woody Allen

Tim Burton
“Stick Boy liked Match Girl,
He liked her a lot.
He liked her cute figure,
he thought she was hot.

But could a flame ever burn
for a match and a stick?
It did quite literally;
he burned up quick.”
Tim Burton, The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy and Other Stories

Groucho Marx
“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.”
Groucho Marx

Robert A. Heinlein
“The most preposterous notion that Homo sapiens has ever dreamed up is that the Lord God of Creation, Shaper and Ruler of all the Universes, wants the saccharine adoration of His creatures, can be swayed by their prayers, and becomes petulant if He does not receive this flattery. Yet this absurd fantasy, without a shred of evidence to bolster it, pays all the expenses of the oldest, largest, and least productive industry in all history.”
Robert A. Heinlein, Time Enough for Love

Michael Cunningham
“Beauty is a whore, I like money better.”
Michael Cunningham, The Hours

Jon Stewart
“If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us?”
Jon Stewart

Steven Wright
“When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.”
Steven Wright

Kurt Vonnegut
“The bounties of space, of infinite outwardness, were three: empty heroics, low comedy, and pointless death.”
Kurt Vonnegut, The Sirens of Titan

Tim Burton
“Voodoo Girl
Her skin is white cloth,
and she's all sewn apart
and she has many colored pins
sticking out of her heart.

She has many different zombies
who are deeply in her trance.
She even has a zombie
who was originally from France.

But she knows she has a curse on her,
a curse she cannot win.
For if someone gets
too close to her,

the pins stick farther in.”
Tim Burton

Conan O'Brien
“When all else fails, there's always delusion.”
Conan O'Brien

Woody Allen
“You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.”
Woody Allen

Dora J. Arod
“My love is pizza shaped. Won’t you have a slice? It’s circular, so there’s enough to go around.
”
Dora J. Arod, Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages.

Dora J. Arod
“My love is meatloaf flavored. I just wish my meatloaf was also meatloaf flavored.”
Dora J. Arod, Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages.

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