Sales Quotes

“Advertising is legitimised lying.”
― H.G. Wells

“I'm a hustler, baby; I sell water to a well!”
― Jay-Z

“Resilience is not what happens to you. It’s how you react to, respond to, and recover from what happens to you.”
― Jeffrey Gitomer

“Put. That coffee. Down. Coffee's for closers only.”
― David Mamet, Glengarry Glen Ross

“Becoming well known (at least among your prospects & connections) is the most valuable element in the connection process.”
― Jeffrey Gitomer

“You can take and nail two sticks together like they've never been nailed together before and some fool will buy it.”
― George Carlin, Watch My Language

“We’re all somebody’s prospect; we’re all somebody’s customer.”
― Chris Murray, Selling with EASE: The Four Step Sales Cycle Found in Every Successful Business Transaction

“Think about it: if someone had found a way to manipulate human choice and free will – if someone actually had that kind of power – wouldn’t it be a tad surprising if they then decided to share their secret with the masses in a book for $20? Not to mention how it would be just very slightly unethical.”
― Chris Murray, Selling with EASE: The Four Step Sales Cycle Found in Every Successful Business Transaction

“Avoid selling to dumb customers, there aren't enough left!”
― Jasleen Kaur Gumber

“Those who make excuses, don't make progress.”
― Amit Kalantri, Wealth of Words

“Over time, ink fades like a duck quack in the wind. I have a baseball signed by Babe Ruth, but his autograph has gone invisible. That’s why it’s now ON SALE for ONLY $19.95.”
― Jarod Kintz, Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.

“I fake fake to have a fake life. Does that make me a real horse? Buy now for $777, wooden saddle sold separately. Real horseshoes not included. Imaginary ones – neither.”
― Will Advise, Nothing is here...

“Focusing on Earning the Right will have an incredible effect on the success of every single sales call that you will make from this day on.”
― Chris Murray, Selling with EASE: The Four Step Sales Cycle Found in Every Successful Business Transaction

“When not duck farming, I'm busy being mysterious. I'm like The Hardy Boys. Both of them. That's why I exclusively shop Buy One, Get One FREE.”
― Jarod Kintz, Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.

“It's too bad GIFs are silent, because I recorded some original saxophone music to accompany my newest masterpiece. It sounds like ducks quacking on the moon, and if you've got an empty elevator that needs space to be filled, it's now FOR SALE.”
― Jarod Kintz, BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight

“I sell duck quotes in small, medium, and extra weird. But I’m all out of small and medium, so you can have the extra weird for FREE.”
― Jarod Kintz, BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight

“Rembrandt painted portraits, The Karate Kid painted fences, and I paint my ducks' beaks a brighter orange to boost sales. But I’m not a snob—I still consider those other two guys to also be artists.”
― Jarod Kintz, BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight

“I haven’t sold Spinning Death Kicks Disguised As Reading A Book Quietly since my third grade teacher confiscated all my camouflage material. She also snatched away my Duck Quacks In A Can (with 50% more flavor).”
― Jarod Kintz, Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.

“Tourists are as fleeting as holographic butterflies. The only thing permanent in this world is my Leftover Meatloaf. Branson needs to quickly learn this before I'm completely SOLD OUT.”
― Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

“Your orange fanny pack reminds me of my Leftover Meatloaf Holder. I wear it when I work out or make love. My incredible level of romance can be rented by you for the unbelievably low price of $14.95 per hour.”
― Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

“Knocking on a door is so violent. Instead, try talking to the door to get it to open up to you. I should write a self-help book for door-to-door salesmen.”
― Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

“I deal in the ideal idea, which is love. I buy, sell, and trade—and I’m willing to lose to win.”
― Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

“I can teach you how to dance, but I can't teach you how to be sexy. Well, I mean I can, but it'll cost you an additional $19.95.”
― Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

“Women judge you by how much money you make and how prestigious your job title. That's why when women ask me what I do for a living, I tell them I'm a platinum salesman, and I source catalytic converters for discrete buyers.”
― Jarod Kintz, I design saxophone music in blocks, like Stonehenge

“I’d like to do a sketch comedy show with Steve Martin—the old Steve Martin, not the old Steve Martin. By that I mean the young Steve Martin, and not the new Steve Martin that we know today. Together we could sell lots of ducks.”
― Jarod Kintz, BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight

“I'm a lot like a pillow salesman. I say that because I deal in ducks. So, I just push the product early and while they're still quacking.”
― Jarod Kintz, BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight

“I sell REAL donut holes. Unlike those fake donut holes, that are composed entirely of donut, my donut holes are made of 100% pure emptiness. There's nothing there, and THAT is how you know you've bought an authentic donut hole.”
― Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

“Sales is a hard way to make money, trying to convince people to willingly pay you for a product or service. I prefer making money the old-fashioned way, by extortion, like the government does.”
― Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

“People don’t just buy products today; they also buy visions of a better tomorrow.”
― Steve Multer

“These are all common principles of salesmanship. The most ignorant peddler applies them. Yet the salesman-in-print very often forgets them. He talks about his interest. He blazons a name, as though that was of importance. His phrase is, “Drive people to the stores,” and that is his attitude in everything he says. People can be coaxed but not driven. Whatever they do they do to please themselves. Many fewer mistakes would be made in advertising if these facts were never forgotten.”
― Claude C. Hopkins, Scientific Advertising