Jarod Kintz

in Salt Lake City, The United States
March 05, 1982




Monty Python
Jack Handey
Ted Nancy
Steve Martin
Gary Larson
Mark Twain

This is it, this is my biography. The story of Jarod Kintz begins now.

Let’s knock out the trivial first. I was born in Salt Lake City on March 5th. Now that you know my birthday, please feel free to get me birthday presents. Notice how I used the plural, presents? More than one gift would be greatly appreciated. Appropriate gifts include gold coins, bars of silver, and large tracts of land (preferably beachfront property). Or you could just buy me a drink—soda, natural, because I don’t drink either alcohol or high fructose corn syrup.

Skipping ahead a few years, and a few hundred miles, we come to Denver, Colorado. For a few years I attended Mackintosh Academy. In the second grade, along with English, I studied French, Spanish, and Japanese

Jarod Kintz isn't a Goodreads Author (yet), but he does have a blog, so here are some recent posts imported from his feed.

My coffee cup is empty

My coffee cup is empty. Why don't you pour your love in and wake up my soul?

— Jarod Kintz (@JarodKintz1) January 3, 2016
22 likes ·   •  0 comments  •  flag
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Published on January 03, 2016 18:41 Tags: coffee, love, soul
Average rating: 3.97 · 937 ratings · 92 reviews · 67 distinct worksSimilar authors
This Book is Not for Sale

3.91 avg rating — 91 ratings — published 2011
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Love quotes for the ages. S...

4.08 avg rating — 83 ratings — published 2011 — 2 editions
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The Mandrake Hotel and Reso...

4.44 avg rating — 68 ratings — published 2013
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I Want

3.90 avg rating — 71 ratings — published 2010
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E-mails from a Madman: namd...

4.12 avg rating — 65 ratings — published 2006 — 2 editions
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It Occurred to Me

3.73 avg rating — 56 ratings — published 2010
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Who Moved My Choose?: An Am...

3.76 avg rating — 34 ratings — published 2011
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This Book Has No Title

3.69 avg rating — 29 ratings
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At even one penny, this boo...

3.47 avg rating — 30 ratings — published 2012
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Six Foot and Some Change: A...

4.40 avg rating — 20 ratings — published 2012 — 3 editions
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More books by Jarod Kintz…

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“I find out a lot about myself by sleeping. Dreams, they are who I am when I’m too tired to be me.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“I want to grow a flower for every time someone tells me “F*** you.” Then I’ll go back to that person and pin the flower on their lapel in a gesture of friendship. And while they are looking down on it in astonishment, I’ll bunch up my knuckles and punch them in the face.”
Jarod Kintz, I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.

“One of my main regrets in life is giving considerable thought to inconsiderate people.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale


What is the best love quote?

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.Dr. Seuss
  153 votes 44.0%

Love is like the wind, you can't see it but you can feel it.Nicholas Sparks
  47 votes 13.5%

Love is a circular emotion that surrounds you, like a hug. Or a noose.
Jarod Kintz
  43 votes 12.4%

Love seeketh not itself to please, nor for itself hath any care, but for another gives its ease, and builds a Heaven in Hell's despair. ― William Blake (write-in)
  34 votes 9.8%

"You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel" - Forbidden by Tabitha Sazuma (write-in)
  28 votes 8.0%

Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.Ambrose Bierce
  24 votes 6.9%

You can only give your heart away once, after that, everything else will chase your first love. - Tarry Fisher - The Opportunist (write-in)
  9 votes 2.6%

"Centrum Permanebit" -The Fiery Heart (write-in)
  7 votes 2.0%

Blake (write-in)
  3 votes 0.9%

348 total votes

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