Penis Quotes

Quotes tagged as "penis" (showing 1-30 of 75)
Justin Halpern
“Your penis betrayed you, son. Made you think stupid. It won't be the last time that happens.”
Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

Richard Brautigan
“The Beautiful Poem"

I go to bed in Los Angeles thinking
about you.

Pissing a few moments ago
I looked down at my penis
affectionately.

Knowing it has been inside
you twice today makes me
feel beautiful.”
Richard Brautigan, The Pill vs. the Springhill Mine Disaster
tags: penis, sex

Tina Fey
“Now go to bed, you crazy night owl! You have to be at NASA early in the morning. So they can look for your penis with the Hubble telescope.”
Tina Fey, Bossypants

Ian McEwan
“Not everyone knows what it is to have your father’s rival’s penis inches from your nose.”
Ian McEwan, Nutshell

bell hooks
“Erotic attraction often serves as the catalyst for an intimate connection between two people, but it is not a sign of love. Exciting, pleasurable sex can take place between two people who do not even know each other. Yet the vast majority of males in our society are convinced that their erotic longing indicates who they should, and can, love. Led by their penis, seduced by erotic desire, they often end up in relationships with partners with whom they share no common interests of values.”
bell hooks, All About Love: New Visions

Alan Hollinghurst
“Now he had chanced on one of he standard hard-on sessions of the shower, as on both sides of him and across the room three queens sported horizontal members which they turned around from time to time to conceal or display, barely exchanging looks as they resolved. The old men took no interest in this activity, knowing perhaps from long experience that it rarely meant anything or led anywhere, was a brief and helpless surrender to the forcing-house of the shower. In a few seconds the hard-on might pass from one end of the room to the other with the foolish perfection of a Busby Berkeley routine.”
Alan Hollinghurst, The Swimming-Pool Library

R.J. Silver
“Because I feel as if I let it down. As if it needed something from me, I was its only hope, and now that hope is gone.'
'What penis doesn’t try to make you feel that way?”
R.J. Silver

James Joyce
“So beautiful of course compared with what a man looks like with his two bags full and his other thing hanging down out of him or sticking up at you like a hatrack no wonder they hide it with a cabbageleaf”
James Joyce, Ulysses

Deyth Banger
“The face is like a penis.”
Deyth Banger

Joris-Karl Huysmans
“The heart, said to be man’s noblest organ, has the same shape as the penis, commonly supposed the most ignoble; the symbolism is not inappropriate, because the love which comes from the heart soon extends to the organ which it resembles.”
Joris-Karl Huysmans, Là-Bas

Chloe Thurlow
“The way to a man's heart is through his penis.”
Chloe Thurlow, Katie in Love
tags: penis

Ada Palmer
“Now, the penis is round, and the anus is round, while the vagina’s opening is long and narrow; clearly then Nature designed the penis to fit into the anus, not into the vagina.”
Ada Palmer, Too Like the Lightning

“Cody was both ashamed and astonished to learn that it was actually possible to break a penis.”
Evan Gilbert, Blue Diesel v.s. The God of Sex

Henry Miller
“The kangaroo has a double penis - one for week days and one for holidays.”
Henry Miller, Tropic of Cancer

Michel Houellebecq
“When you got right down to it, my dick was the one organ that hadn’t presented itself to my consciousness through pain, only pleasure. Modest but robust, it had always served me faithfully. Or, you could argue, I had served it – if so, its yoke had been easy. It never gave me orders. It sometimes encouraged me to get out more, but it encouraged me humbly, without bitterness or anger. This past evening, I knew, it had interceded on Myriam’s behalf. It had always enjoyed good relations with Myriam, Myriam had always treated it with affection and respect, and this had given me an enormous amount of pleasure. And sources of pleasure were hard to come by. In the end, my dick was all I had.”
Michel Houellebecq, Soumission

Petina Gappah
“Like the worthless dogs that are his countrymen, my husband believed that his penis was wasted if he was faithful to just one woman. - At the Sound of the Last Post”
Petina Gappah, An Elegy for Easterly: Stories

Hanif Kureishi
“NASSER: (about OMAR): Haven't you trained him up to look after you, like I have done with my girls?
PAPA: He brushes the dust from one place to another. He squeezes shirts and heats soup. But that hardly stretches him. Though his food stretches me. It's only for a few months, yaar. I'll send him to college in the autumn.
NASSER: (VO) He failed once. He has this chronic laziness that runs in our family except for me.
PAPA: If his arse gets lazy - kick it. I'll send a certificate giving permission. And one more thing. Try and fix him up with a nice girl. I'm not sure if his penis is in full working order.”
Hanif Kureishi

Edmund White
“Now, that’s what you call a vicious French queen. I never discussed your penis size – ”
“Bet you did,” Kevin said, “at the beginning. I’ve heard the way gay guys talk at the gym. Nothing’s sacred. Not even my poor little penis.”
Edmund White, Our Young Man
tags: penis

Edmund White
“Nor did Kevin go, “Ew-w,” when he pulled his penis out and it was brown and smelly, and that, too, Guy considered a rite de passage.”
Edmund White, Our Young Man
tags: penis

Matt Fraction
“Death to the pale-penised man-monster! Death to the pendulous-breasted harridan!”
Matt Fraction, Sex Criminals, Vol. 3: Three the Hard Way

David F. Porteous
“After using a paint chart from a local DIY superstore to identify the skin tone of his penis as midnight chocolate, Miriam stayed down on one knee and offered him the citizenship he had always wanted and the middle-aged white woman he would grudgingly accept.”
David F. Porteous, Good Witch

“...I got the word. It's get out of town, and it wasn't even from Mel Torme.

"If Natalie were here, she'd say Torme has the best pipes in town," said Elena.

"Anyone else might say that. What Nat would say is he has the biggest pipe in town.”
Joyce Haber, The Users

Stephen King
“She was not prepared to say every man was the same, but the majority were, because the instincts came with the package. With the penis.”
Stephen King, Sleeping Beauties
tags: man, penis

Scott Turow
“I would say there's a spark," I told her, still caught up in that fixed look, her green eyes with their clever gleam. "I would say you'd make a hell of a Boy Scout."

"Boy Scout?"

"Yes, ma'am, cause you keep rubbing that stick, you're gonna get a lot more than a spark."

"I'm hoping for that.”
Scott Turow, Pleading Guilty

Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“Size definitely counts: some things are too small … and some are too big.”
Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“The use of reason and that of an erect penis are mutually exclusive.”
Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Marsha Hinds
“On Religion - I compare the god of the Christian bible to a psychotic, jealous girlfriend. Who else but a crazy girlfriend would demand that a man mutilate his penis as a sign that he loves her? Who else but a crazy boyfriend would do it?!”
Marsha Hinds

“Having a penis can be like having an illusory prize dangled in front of you. It symbolizes a historical birthright to power, respect and pride.”
Grayson Perry, The Descent of Man
tags: penis

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