94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat Quotes

“Why bother taking a DNA Test to discover your genealogy? Just go buy a lottery ticket, and if you win, all your distant relatives will find you.”
― Jarod Kintz, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures with fins and gills are called.”
― Jarod Kintz, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“Unsolicited dick pics would be better if they were wearing tiny hats.”
― Nuclear Circus, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“The secret, my friend? Everything is an addiction. Just some addictions get called hobbies.”
― Nuclear Circus, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“You don't want to be on Electric Avenue when it rains.”
― Nuclear Circus, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“Being hungry is just being food horny.”
― Nuclear Circus, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“People would look at teachers differently if they had to wear the uniform for their second job when on the clock”
― stained hanes, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“When it's raining, I like to drive like a Monet painting, as I turn off my wipers and let the lights blur the shapes. Makes traveling more romantic.”
― Jarod Kintz, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“Frisland is a country that's so powerful it had itself removed off all world maps, so it could stealthily gain influence. It has an ancient ruler named King Anthony, better known as Susan B. Anthony. Susan really do be Anthony.

King Anthony began to reign over Frisland just as soon as Susan B. Anthony "died." At first, King Anthony was kept alive through crude cloning techniques, but over the last century, technology has advanced so far that now King Anthony exists as a spirit embedded in a hologram.”
― Jarod Kintz, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“Dance critics all over the world have called my body moves, “Sculpturesque,” “As full of motion as a Rodin statue,” and “Like watching Helen Keller eat Jell-O with her elbows.” My dancing is so still and silent that it belongs on a shelf in a library, next to other great literature.”
― Jarod Kintz, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“Meatspace and the internet were almost completely separate things, and now its mutated into this horrifying semi-permanent hyperreality.”
― stained hanes, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“One of the biggest things I miss is the internet used to be an escape from meatspace. Now "internet" is so ingrained everywhere there is no longer that sense of escape. People don't say "g2g" or "ttyl" anymore because they never sign off.”
― stained hanes, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“When giving instructions, or evaluating a proposal, it helps to be a specific and not to assume the other side understands what we mean.

We must always be prepared for the fact that the listener may be stupid.”
― stained hanes, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“According to the Stanford encyclopedia of Philosophy, Socrates never wore shoes, could bench twice his weight, and was impervious to the effects of alcohol and cold. He did not care for fashion and his gait was that of one who truly did not give a shit.”
― stained hanes, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“If I left you
I'd leave a letter full of lyrics
But you wouldn't know me well enough
To get it.”
― Nuclear Circus, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“Toilet paper is like an unreliable bridge, you are gonna have to walk across mud valley from time to time.”
― Nuclear Circus, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“Everyone is flammable at least once.”
― Nuclear Circus, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“1976. Remember when Stretch Armstrong was the pinnacle of human achievement?”
― Nuclear Circus, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“I don't know how to play these guitar
strings
But I know how to play these heart stings,
Play until my fingers bleed
Doctors tell me the incision should only
sting
But even with only a memory
I feel compelled to scream”
― Nuclear Circus, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“Here's five energy drinks, go clean the universe.”
― Nuclear Circus, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“Be kind
(of an asshole).

The funny thing about assholes
is they always end up covered in shit.”
― Nuclear Circus, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“Future brain chips will be bootlegged to include the "heroin" option.”
― Nuclear Circus, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“Everyone goes through enough shit that we all look like turds in the end.”
― Nuclear Circus, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“If you die while tweeting you go to Twitter heaven where you write 72 bangers a day on heaven Twitter.”
― Nuclear Circus, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“Everyone loves the smell of gasoline, but do you think it would make a good scent in a soap?

Gasoline-scented soap is a great idea that’s a terrible idea. Plus, if I made soap that smelled like petroleum, The US Military would invade my shower and kill me.”
― Jarod Kintz, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“The sign in the forest said, “Closed For Repairs.” I wrote it and nailed it on a tree myself. I’m a farmer of parking lots, and I grow them like 1980s mall culture.”
― Jarod Kintz, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“Watches and clocks are round, like the product Brick Oven serves with five-star flavor, because it's always pizza time. But I'm always split over what to order, because I make their wings disappear like I'm Amelia Earhart.”
― Jarod Kintz, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“The cat hair floated in the air like a sound vibration, and I plucked it like a guitar string. Sometimes I can be so musical I’m like a living love song.”
― Jarod Kintz, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“If being forgetful is a sign of high intelligence, then people with Alzheimer's are like Isaac Whatshisname. You know, that one guy who did that one thing. Or was it two things?”
― Jarod Kintz, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“I often can't remember where I'm at. I'm like that all the time. Not so much forgetful, but more futureful. For me, today is always tomorrow. To all the people who live in the moment I say: Stop living in the past.”
― Jarod Kintz, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat