Asshole Quotes

Quotes tagged as "asshole" (showing 1-30 of 58)
Cassandra Clare
“Bitten? You mean you're a-"
"A werewolf," said the girl. "Like everyone else here. Except you, and the asshole. And the asshole's sister.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes

Louis C.K.
“Self-love is a good thing but self-awareness is more important. You need to once in a while go ‘Uh, I’m kind of an asshole.”
Louis C.K.

Michelle Hodkin
“Why?' He asked.
'Why what?' What could I say? Noah, despite you being an asshole, or maybe because of it, I'd like to rip off your clothes and have your babies. Don't tell.”
Michelle Hodkin, The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer

Lora Leigh
“Testosterone overload?" Merinus gave an unladylike grunt. "More like asshole overload if you ask me.”
Lora Leigh, Tempting the Beast

Alexei Maxim Russell
“It is my sincere desire that my research and hard work will help create a world where we all learn to walk this Earth, safe, enlightened and free from the perils of cruelty, ignorance, and all the other dark and sinister forces, which make assholes possible.”
Alexei Maxim Russell, Alexei Maxim Russell's Field Guide to Assholes

Fyodor Dostoyevsky
“The poor girl ws keeping that student's letter as a precious treasure, and had run to fetch it, her only treasure, because she did not want me to go away without knowing that she, too, was honestly and genuinely loved; that she, too, was addressed respectfully. No doubt that letter was destined to lie in her box and lead to nothing. But none the less, I am certain that she would keep it all her life as a precious treasure, as her pride and justification, and now at such a minute she had thought of that letter and brought it with naive pride to raise herself in my eyes that I might see, that I, too, might think well of her.”
Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Notes from Underground, White Nights, The Dream of a Ridiculous Man, and Selections from The House of the Dead

John Scalzi
“After another few days, I noticed I became annoyed whenever I would actually have to ask Asshole for something. How quickly the creepy becomes commonplace.”
John Scalzi, Old Man's War

Samuel Beckett
“And I was wondering how to depart without self-loathing or sadness, or with as little as possible, when a kind of immense sigh all around me announced it was not I who was departing, but the flock.”
Samuel Beckett, Molloy, Malone Dies, The Unnamable

Charles Bukowski
“You women have more holes than swiss cheese.”
Charles Bukowski, Poems and Insults

“If no one should not ask with you anything.
Then for what the fuck purpose you raised question with me..”
Allan Bridjith

Robert Kirkman
“Now get the fuck up off the ground so I can put you in it... like a coffin. Because you'll be fucking dead after I kill you, you fucking asshole.”
Robert Kirkman, The Walking Dead, Vol. 27: The Whisperer War

M.F. Moonzajer
“Time doesn’t change anything; that is why we still worship asshole Arabs.”
M.F. Moonzajer

Matt Fraction
“You've invaded my erotic dojo. For this your assholes will adorn my thunderous cock like jewelry!”
Matt Fraction, Sex Criminals, Vol. 3: Three the Hard Way

Rick Remender
“Check your privilege, Hitler! I'm a nut job, not an asshole.”
Rick Remender, Tokyo Ghost, Vol. 2: Come Join Us

Mimi Jean Pamfiloff
“I’m going to give you some advice: don’t be such a whiny asshole. It makes you look weak.”
Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Fugly

Becky Chambers
“Because people are assholes," said Bear, dutifully keeping his head down. "Ninety percent of all problems are caused by people being assholes.”
Becky Chambers

C.M. Stunich
“Godzilla sized dick.”
C.M. Stunich, Bad Nanny

Garth Ennis
“I can melt steel, fucker, I'll microwave your guts and punch them our your asshole.”
Garth Ennis, The Boys, Volume 6: The Self-Preservation Society

“So is this, like, dynamite?”
“It’s HMX compounded with three percent polymer-bonded explosive composite,” Cindy says …
“Did you say that all extra technical to make me feel like an asshole” Moon asks.
Matt Wallace, Lustlocked

Edmund White
“They all said the way to a man’s heart was through his asshole.”
Edmund White, Our Young Man

Jason Aaron
“Wanting to end my curse isn't the same as wanting to give in to an asshole. I don't care if god really did choose you. You're no worthier than any of the rest of us. No worthier than him.

We're all god's monsters.

All made in his goddamn image. If he wants his fucking world back . . . tell him to come down here and take it. If he's got the goddamn balls.”
Jason Aaron, The Goddamned, Vol. 1: Before the Flood

“Keep moving forward, the best way to let go off,asshole people holding you back”
Napz Cherub Pellazo

Scott Stabile
“Often we have to remind our minds that the job of asshole is already taken.”
Scott Stabile

Michael Connelly
“You're an asshole, you know that, Haller?"

I nodded and headed back to the door.

"When I need to be.”
Michael Connelly, The Gods of Guilt

Ella James
“Am I an asshole?

In the past, I would have said "no" with some degree of confidence. But as I drop my bag of groceries into my bike pack under the store's front awning, I have to consider that the answer might have changed during the past few months.

They say misery loves company. I think I get it now. That back there with Marley--taunting her, I admit--that shit was the best part of my day. My week. My month. That shit was the rainbow in a fucking black and white film.

The outrage on her face... Goddamn. I fucking loved her angry, bright red face. When I turned to walk away, she looked mad enough to spit bullets. All over a fucking pack of pork chops. As I zip my bag, I press my lips together--to suppress a wicked chuckle.


I'm not sure I even mind it. Why not be an asshole? Nice guys come in last--another adage I'm starting to believe. I've played it nice my whole damn life, or fucking tried. Why not seek out entertainment now?”
Ella James, The Plan

Will Bly
“Everyone is destined to be an asshole as some point or another.”
Will Bly, F*ck You, Santa!

Shaun David Hutchinson
“He can’t breathe because he’s got asthma, whereas you’re just an asshole for no reason.”
Shaun David Hutchinson, Feral Youth

“We pushed it, but when the State Department says 'you're being a bunch of assholes' what are you going to do?”
Joshua Hammer, The Bad-Ass Librarians of Timbuktu: And Their Race to Save the World’s Most Precious Manuscripts

A.K. Kuykendall
“In the jungles of Vietnam, we used to refer to what Mueller is doing as the Invasion of Cambodia. I'll explain it to you someday.”
A.K. Kuykendall

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