Comedians Quotes

Quotes tagged as "comedians" (showing 1-23 of 23)
Demetri Martin
“I like video games, but they're really violent. I'd like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It'd be called 'Really Busy Hospital.”
Demetri Martin

Russell Brand
“The light. The light is so bright that all that remains is you and the darkness. You can feel the audience breathing. It's like holding a gun or standing on a precipice and knowing you must jump. It feels slow and fast. It's like dying and being born and fucking and crying. It's like falling in love and being utterly alone with God; you taste your own mouth and feel your own skin and I knew I was alive and I knew who I was and that that wasn't who I'd been up till then. I'd been so far away but I knew I was home.”
Russell Brand, My Booky Wook

Peter Cameron
“I hate stand-up comics; I think funny is something you are, not something you desperately try to be in front of a roomful of obnoxious people.”
Peter Cameron, Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You

Lorrie Moore
“Nothing is a joke with me. It just all comes out like one.”
Lorrie Moore, Like Life

Steve Martin
“Comedy is a distortion of what is happening, and there will always be something happening.”
Steve Martin, Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life

Piero Scaruffi
“A comedian is someone who tells the truth. Truth is the set of all jokes told by all comedians in the world.”
Piero Scaruffi

Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“We can’t all be comedians, some people have to do the laughing.”
Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Craig Ferguson
“I don’t think being a comedian gives you any fucking insight into what makes people laugh.”
Craig Ferguson

“COMEDIAN: [...] What is it you do for a living?

HECKLER: I mind my own business.

COMEDIAN: Self-employed, eh? No really, what do you do?

HECKLER: I try not to "do.”
J. Ross Clara, Citations: A Brief Anthology

“HECKLER: Say something funny!

COMEDIAN: I don't do requests.”
J. Ross Clara, Citations: A Brief Anthology

Bangambiki Habyarimana
“A comedian is better than a politician; at least there is no doubt.”
Bangambiki Habyarimana, The Great Pearl of Wisdom

Bob Hope
“I made so many B pictures I began to get fan mail from hornets...and for me that was an improvement.”
Bob Hope, They Got Me Covered

Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“98% of all comedians feel obliged to be funny when interviewed. Less than 2% succeed.”
Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Dave Barry
“This is the funniest book I’ve ever held in my hands. --Dave Barry, Pulitzer Prize winning humorist and author says about Radical Sabbatical”
Dave Barry

“No small part of the club's audience consisted of would-be comics, as well as the leading comics of the day. In fact, there were so many gagsters around that it was difficult to know who was part of the act and who was just sitting in.”
Kliph Nesteroff, The Comedians: Drunks, Thieves, Scoundrels, and the History of American Comedy

“Comedians are people who embarrass themselves in style.”
A.D. Posey

George Burns
“There isn't a thing I can't do now that I didn't do when I was twenty-one...which gives you an idea of how pathetic I was when I was twenty-one. (That's a lie, but I might as well tell you something right here at the beginning of the book. Anytime I can get a laugh I'm not going to let the truth interfere with it.)”
George Burns

Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“People who are not blessed with the ability to make others laugh compensate for that by saying (or trying to say) things that are profound.”
Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Finally, my watchers had to fess up. In embarrassed and genuinely polite tones, they said they had no other choice but to arrest me. Then they accompanied me to the prison across the way. As I entered, an extremely tall SS man leapt in front of me and asked: “Do you have any weapons?” “Why?” I responded. “Do I need any?”
Rudolph Herzog, Dead Funny: Humor in Hitler's Germany

“Comrades, we are going to try to cheer you up, and our sense of humor will help us in this endeavor, although the phrase gallows humor has never seemed so logical and appropriate. The external circumstances are exactly in our favor. We need only to take a look at the barbed wire fences, so high and full of electricity. Just like your expectations.
And then there are the watchtowers that monitor our every move. The guards have machine guns. But machine guns won’t intimidate us, comrades. They just have barrels of guns, whereas we are going to have barrels of laughs.
You may be surprised at how upbeat and cheerful we are. Well, comrades, there are goods reasons for this. It’s been a long time since we were in Berlin. But every time we appeared there, we felt very uneasy. We were afraid we’d get sent to the concentration camps. Now that fear is gone. We’re already here.”
Rudolph Herzog, Dead Funny: Humor in Hitler's Germany

“Comedians can turn laughter into tears and back again.”
Anthony T. Hincks

Valerie Martin
“I was thinking about … how disarming is the ability to make people laugh. It’s a gift, mimicry, but it’s not acting; in a way it’s the opposite of acting, which is why comedians are seldom good actors. There’s an element of exaggeration in the imposture; the copy is the original painted with a broad brush and it can be grotesque, even cruel. But no one is offended. People are drawn to the funnyman who can imitate a politician or a famous actor or an ethnic type, especially his own ethnic type.”
Valerie Martin, The Confessions of Edward Day