Humor Quotes Quotes

Quotes tagged as "humor-quotes" (showing 1-30 of 150)
Candace C. Bowen
“Writers don't get mad they get even in their novels.”
Candace Bowen Early

Laurell K. Hamilton
“And your excuse?' I asked.
'I'm a sociopath; I don't have to be nice,' Nicky said.
I gave him a look.
'You're mad at him.I can feel it; which means I really don't have to be nice to him.'
'I thought you were friends.'
'What part of sociopath didn't you understand?' he asked.”
Laurell K. Hamilton, Affliction

Tony James Slater
“Please don't follow in my footsteps. I'm already knee-deep in them, and am sinking rapidly...”
Tony James Slater

Ryan Lilly
“A professional headshot in front of a bookshelf says you're an intellectual. A professional headshot peeking though a bookshelf says you're probably under a restraining order.”
Ryan Lilly

Elizabeth Jane Howard
“Sir Humphrey's stories about Africa made Charity feel exactly like one of his stuffed trophy heads -- lifeless and glassy eyed. The only difference was that she usually ended up face-down, slumbering on the sofa, instead of hung up on the wall.”
Elizabeth Jane Howard, Mr. Wrong

Olga Goa
“Everyone thinks to the extent of their own depravity,” #HenriettaLedyanova , #FatefulItalianPassion .”
Olga Goa, Fateful Italian Passion

Adhish Mazumder
“Politics to me was the whining of an old braggart too proud to admit his faults and too vain to try something new. All of their agendas and manifestos were nothing but a lucrative offer to deceive the fools and encourage the clever in deceiving more fools.”
Adhish Mazumder, Solemn Tales of Human Hearts

Jim Moorman
“You know what I could use? A thrill.”
Jim Moorman

Ken Poirot
“Humor is a tool to ease the harsh realities of life.”
Ken Poirot

“Kind of bored and sort of sad.”
Sandy Hall, Been Here All Along

Cathy Marie Hake
“Sie hatte den schönsten Fuß, den er je gesehen hatte.”
Cathy Marie Hake, Fancy Pants

Hati Bell
“Sometimes, it felt bad to be good.”
Hati Bell, The Amazon and the Beast

“If you can't convince them, confuse them”
Harry S Truman

“I deem myself as intellectual and analytical as much as I can but still never miss the chance to goof around and joke about anything but I never laugh at nobody. Good humor is about laughing with not about laughing at.”
Genereux Philip


I have bad news for you. Men are pigs. No really. I know you think you know what I'm talking about but you don't know the half of it. You have no idea how depraved we men really are.

I'm about to tell you the truth about men. The whole truth. Not that sanitized holier-than-thou shit they feed you in all those other relationship books.

I'm gonna take you into the abyss that is the male mind. It's a dark and scary place. You're not gonna like it. It's dirty in there. Icky. Don't touch anything. Bring hand sanitizer.”
Oliver Markus Malloy, Why Men And Women Can't Be Friends: Honest Relationship Advice for Women

“There's a reason why most men don't read romance: Romance novels are wish-fulfillment for women. The fictitious men in romance novels fall all over themselves trying to please a woman. Does that sound like your real life experience with men? No of course not. (Except for guys who want to fuck you. There is no man more attentive
as the guy who wants to fuck you for the first time.)

That's why you read romance. To get something you don't get in real life. Because your husband's idea of romance is bringing out the trash and not farting during sex.”
Oliver Markus Malloy, Why Men And Women Can't Be Friends: Honest Relationship Advice for Women

“Chello, I'm not in your face per se but indirectly I have a direct agenda pinned to my personal. The problem is you got caught chasing me chase my tail. Oh my, isn’t it such a beautiful day? BLAKAT said.”
Kelvin Mark Coleman

“Shouldn’t you be like heal in a second or something? I thought immoral jerks like you, are immune to pains?” I asked confused.

He chuckled looking at my dumbfounded face. “Unless, you are talking about some fictional stupidity human created, then no. I am darkness, not a Vampy.”
Alisonswan, Bridal Sacrifice

Matshona Dhliwayo
“If you want God to laugh, tell Him you've found Him a wife.”
Matshona Dhliwayo

Nicholas Eames
“Alchemy is a costly hobby, I fear. I barely make ends meet selling my phylactery. Frigid Hells, if it wasn't for the limp dicks of Conthas I'd be flat broke!”
Nicholas Eames, Kings of the Wyld

“Memories engage all,when the days cannot... & Heart gather all,when the eyes cannot...”

Markus Almond
“Keep people who inspire you in your life.
Seek teachers and study great artist. No matter how talented or gifted you are you've had a long line of great people come before you.
Learn from them.”
Markus Almond, Advice to My 18-Year-Old Self

Sarah Gray
“After her declaration to become a ghost, her sister had given a nervous half-laugh and said that she didn't want Adelaide to do anything to scare her. Adelaide had agreed, but said she'd move things around her home just to confuse her. And laughed too. Her husband, Simon, had told her not to be morbid and reminded her that the consultant wasn't sure. It was possible she might live.”
Sarah Gray, Half Life

Colleen Hoover
“Ridge: Well, then, I guess that means we’re roommates.
Me: If we’re roommates, can you do me a favor?
Ridge: What’s that?
Me: If I ever start dating again, don’t be like Tori and sleep with my boyfriend, okay?
Ridge: I can’t make any promises”
Colleen Hoover, Maybe Someday

Herman Melville
“No se lo que puede llegar, pero sea lo que sea, iré hacia ello riéndome”
Herman Melville, Moby Dick, or The Whale

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