Pat Hatt's Blog, page 231

Do You Enjoy? Come Now Don't Be Coy!

Do you enjoy where you go? You know it just brings me such joy at my show. I can remember the days when there was a small little box. It could barely fit a pair of human socks. Also such things as the brand of litterbox sand.

Do you like where you go?
Where the smell does grow?
As you dig and dig,
Looking like you dance a jig.

That crystal stuff doesn't do.
You seriously have no clue.
It doesn't capture much,
We can still smell it in such.

Digging in your own crap,
Would bother any chap.
Don't you agree,
With little old me?

That dusty stuff is awful too.
Who wants to sneeze when they use the loo?
I guess if you can do three things at once,
You would at least not be a dunce.

But it fills the air,
And goes about the lair.
So strike that as well.
That stuff causes my allergies hell.

Then you have that sawdust stuff.
That is all a bunch of fluff.
That stucks to your fur,
And can make your eyes blur.

Stick with the clumping,
Or your leg I'll be humping.
Even if I'm snip snip,
I can still get a good grip.

And don't give me a small one.
That is just no fun.
You can't dig two holes,
And dig around like moles.

Instead on you I have to wait,
And if you are late.
I have to hold it,
Simply because there is nowhere to shit.

You have to like where you go.
Or so many problems show up at your show.
The smell, the size and the sand,
All matter across the land.

Do you like where you go? What things do you prefer at your show? Big or small? Water or TP at your hall? All should clearly enjoy and be an Optimistic Existentialist asking tons of questions, so don't be coy. Do you have a certain need for something high class? I am now done asking questions with my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

The Story Of My Life With Plenty Of Strife!

Hi everyone, how are you doing today under your sun. I just thought I would drop you a line to let you know what is going on in the life of the feline. I have not had catnip in 5000000000000 days. That is so many 0's you might go into a daze. I'm sorry about that. I just need to rant at my mat.

The fish in the tank swims back and forth.
I guess it is a thing from up north.
You know that doorknob looks shiny.
But it is rather tiny.

My boss is snoring today.
My sister ran away.
Can you believe that?
It really surprises the cat.

I heard something else too.
That there is a new panda in the zoo.
Isn't that just the best thing ever?
I so like a saving species endeavor.

Do you have a favorite animal at your place?
One that you really like to embrace?
Feel free to tell me if you wish.
If not I'll go back to watching fish.

I seriously apologize for this being too long.
Things are just so wrong.
I just need to vent,
Here at my tent.

Did you know that guy over there,
Likes to sit and stare?
I hate his glare,
Those eyes move as a pair.

I guess that is obvious right?
Maybe I should vent on Twitter tonight.
If you follow me there,
I thank you from my lair.

My parents are away too.
They went to Timbuktu.
At least there is lots of sand.
A giant litterbox is grand.

Did I mention its been 5000000 days?
Doesn't that just amaze?
I like a pat on the back.
Just don't cause a panic attack.

And that is my thoughts for today,
Here at my bay.
I hope you liked it.
Now I have to go for a bit.

The cat just had to get that off his chest. Isn't telling all everything the best? Even if it is made up at my sea. No wonder Waffles does it all the time at his tree. Of course all in fun under my sun. But if Waffles wants to sass, feel free to do so to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Forget The Germs Worry About The Worms!

Today the cat will rip off Manzantia and bring to you something that is totally ewww. But sadly it is true and if you have OCD, you may want to run from my zoo.

You have a pet,
You can bet.
But you don't have a cat or dog,
Not even a pet log.

So how can you have one?
I bet you are asking under your sun.
Take a look in the mirror.
Still confused? I'll make things clearer.

You have worms.
Yeah there are germs.
But you have worms.
Getting any stomach squirms?

They can give you gas,
Bloating too may come in mass.
You could get the runs.
A leaky gut that would gross out nuns.

No energy at all,
There at your hall.
Adominal pain,
Even fibromyalgia at your lane.

Worms can cause each thing,
Plus many more too gross to give a ring.
And even worse than that,
As they squirm about like a rat,

They can come out in the loo,
They can come out what you use to view.
Yep, your eye balls too.
Even ears and nose at your zoo.

Grossed out yet?
Don't you like your new pet?
You have more than one.
Under your sun.

They can even make you wet the bed.
Have dry hair on your head.
Allergies to stuff,
That in reality you could easily huff.

But instead worms rule you.
There at your zoo.
So if you ever feel like crap,
And have no help from the so called wise stupid doctor chap.

Take a worm pill.
There at your hill.
Should take it anyway,
Because you have more worms than any cat or dog near your bay.

And there you go. The cat preaches worms at his show and lets everyone know. Nasty high and low. But it is true. Will forever worm ourselves at our zoo. So we had to share with the class. The cat isn't the only one that can have worms coming out his little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

A Pun Of Fun!

The cat will take a page from Folklore and go punning forever more. Or at least until the end of this post. For that would just get boring to this host. But for one time the pun can even rhyme. Damn, the cat is good rhyming anything at his hood.

Male deer have buck teeth.
Rednecks put that on a Christmas wreath.
I once had insominia so bad I was awake until it dawned on me.
Oh that was oh so very corny.

The railway constructions are on track.
Just don't come through my shack.
Your nose is in the scenter of your face.
It would be scary if it was in another place.

Sign language teachers are very good with their hands.
Also must work out those sweat glands.
When I lost my thesaurus I was at a lose for words.
Go tell it to the birds.

A surgeon did an insect surgery on the fly.
I hope the poor bug didn't die.
You should never take rocks for granite.
But there are so many across the planet.

The computer savvy mutt's bark was worse than its byte.
For a butt sniffer that surely is a plight.
One of my new shoes isn't right.
Maybe you just have screwed up sight?

They hid in the sauna where they could sweat it out.
Were they scared of a killer trout?
That annoying dermatologist always gets under my skin.
Maybe you should suck back some gin.

You never know when a tiger might be lion.
But you can tell when it is cryin.
Can't starve at the beach because of all the sand which is there.
And you can even run around bare.

Writers under pressure are, at present, tense.
Or maybe they are just sorta dense.
When tennis balls are on sale it's first come first serve.
Wow, that one really threw me for a swerve.

A car stuck in the mud had to be toad.
You should never go off the road.
I know I'm going to heaven but I won't harp on it.
You may not get their with that shit.

When he invented the lightbulb Edison was seen in a new light.
But was he still a scary sight?
She is the best girl I've met to date.
My, you must have such a sad fate.

The boxer thought he had a fighting chance.
Too bad he didn't have the correct stance.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Making her life one big mess.

That is all the fun,
With the pun,
That will be spun,
So always remember the once a pun a time that was run.

The cat could not help himself and had to have some pun fun at his shelf. Many are oh so lame but that is what brings them fame. So there was my under the pun sass. I hope you found me a punny little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

What I Did Wednesday Once More At My Bay!

So here at my bay I will tell you what I did Wednesday. Wait, isn't today that date? Hmm I am telling you what I am doing, don't hate. So away we go with the Wednesday show.

First Cassie and I,Came upon that Tarsier Man guy.He was saving the day.He'll make the wedgie bullies pay.
We had to do the rough stuff.For with mimes we've had enough.We really got rough.That mime wasn't so tough.
But this guy sure thought he was all of that.A slug does not scare the cat.He looks like green crap.I think he thought he could rap.
Zombie Man came and saw dinner.I guess the slug was a real winner.Before long he was goo,Inside a dead guy, sad but true.
Drazin wanted to play too.I guess he had a few.Looking like a dead hobo.No idea who that cat is though.
And then the dancing crowd.Came out of the bar and got real loud.That sax really echoes off the seat.It wasn't a very catchy beat.
So we decided to break in,For their song was such a sin.Had to turn that music off soon,That ghost was a real loon.
But we got in and there he was.Singing his stupid theme song buzz.And spanking a brat,Which I guess doesn't bother the cat. But we were out of there,Before another mime ruffled my hair.And we stepped out to dragons on a rampage.I guess they didn't want to be put in a zoo cage.
Yikes, the probe!We were on the wrong side of the globe.The dragons and aliens can fight.We wanted no part of this plight.
So we ran back home where no aliens roam, just a nut or two, who occasionally show up at our zoo. Hopefully none followed us here. What? I'm being an advertising little rhyming rear? Yeah they may be in a book or ten but all is true at our den. Or maybe I just went out and rolled in the grass? You will never know thanks to my clever little rhyming ass.
Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Open Your Purse To dVerse!

It is time the cat showed dVerse how to make some real dough and not just have some silly tip jar at their show. So I suppose I will rip off them today here at my bay.

Hi, my name is Orlin the rhyming cat.
And I am running the dVerse mat.
Poetry to me means many things.
It can give words wings.

It can even confuse the masses,
And knock some on their asses.
Dumbfounded humans isn't that uncommon though.
Just look around your show.

You can see them painting a wall.
You can see them crawling down a hall.
Did I mention naked people were there?
Which one? Use your imagination at your lair.

But all in all what it means,
To many you see on computer screens.
Is that one is nice and broke.
Yep, one broke bloke.

How else can they see,
All this misery?
They must be all down in the gutter,
Literally, as they sit and mutter.

Watching the world go by,
With their one good eye.
Typing on Windows 95,
With dial up at some food court hive,

With their one good arm.
The other works like a charm.
To hold up the antenna to get a signal to come near.
They even wrap it around their ear.

Dumpster diving is a sport.
More exercise than a basketball court.
Line ups for the best view,
Of all the caged animals at the zoo,

Are fought over every day.
Inspiration from a caged display,
Seems to be all the rage.
But then they scribble on a newspaper page.

Between the black and white.
That gives them another idea each night.
As they literally read between the lines,
To meowing, stray, horny felines.

Then they have to eat,
Their work for a treat.
I hear it tastes sweet,
But nothing like meat.

So grab your purse,
And help out dVerse.
Forget the linky thing,
Let the money fling.

See isn't the cat helpful today? For all the poor poets on display. Wait, that could be me. Better yet, forget the dVerse sea and just give all to the cat. Leave it under my door mat. Wallets are excepted too. They just don't rhyme with dVerse at my zoo. So dVerse hosting has come to pass from my ever so helpful little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

This Could Be Fun Or Some May Shun!

So the cat has done it here and there, not really paying attention to it at my lair. Stealing borrowing ways others write and giving them a spin at my site. Why not come right out and admit it? This may or may not turn out to be a hit. But a week long thing here at my wing.

LOOK at me, LOOK at me,
You can win this for free.
It was tried and is so good,
I use it all the time in my hood.

Just follow this,
You won't miss.
Click on that,
And you'll be a happy cat.

You can make your teeth white,
In any type of light.
You can jump up and down,
Winning some inspiration at your town.

You could see a movie,
Isn't that groovy?
You could win a cleanse too.
Some really make you poo.

You could win stuff for a new dad.
How is that not rad?
This product is so great,
It cleaned my plate.

This one cleaned my ear.
I wonder if it works the same on my rear?
Wait! That is not allowed.
Can't share that with the crowd.

Win some toys too.
Or just for the kiddo in you.
We won't judge,
Just give the box a nudge.

Put in your name.
You could get fame.
For it could rain money.
That will make all sunny.

So sign up for this,
And be in pure bliss.
Sign up for that,
And be a happy cat.

Disclaimer though,
The results may vary at your show.
I was paid in no way for this post,
All thoughts are of the host.

And what do you have to do,
To win this time on cue?
Just show your toes,
All dolled up in a fancy pose.

All fluffed and buffed. Cassie wasn't happy Pat stole her furry balls at our sea. My aren't those legs in need of some sun, between you and me. See men can join a pedi-party too. Now lets see if the Gawker can keep up at his zoo.

Aren't you in the contest mood? There are three to this brood. Theresa has some here and there, Candida has some in case you aren't aware. And mail4rosey blows all away. Some times having ten a day. But shhhh don't tell, she tries to hide them at her cell. Betsy once or twice a year too with toes on display at her zoo. Sorry Gloria, no zombie feet, winning those would not be sweet. The cat may have mocked each lass but it was fun to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Idioms Galore, Once More!

It has been done a time or two under my sun, but what the heck the cat will let the idioms hit the deck. Feel free to hit the deck to, all you crazies who visit my zoo, meaning the creepy search engine nuts who would probably fall down and sniff some butts.
You humans and your sayings,Quite weird with their displayings.But you can put your heads together.Do you use glue or wait for cold weather?
Someone's face against it?I hope it doesn't smell like umm spit.Take a breath is a duh moment in time.You need to breathe even to rhyme.
Turn the tables though?If they are rounded is their any point at your show?I've gotten wind of much.Some of it I never want to touch.
These rhymes can go a long way.You see that every single day.Bear in mind is quite dumb.Why would you want a bear in your mind when you can hum?
I can see keeping a person in the dark.After all you don't want to listen to them bark.But don't ever touch bottom.Even if they look good in autumn.
Lay that up for a rainy day.Is almost as dumb as raining cats and dogs that you humans say.I mean have you ever really seen it rain a cat or dog?Fish I hear it has done but never even a hog. 
Don't worry there's still plenty more to my bull session today.Just sit right there and don't go awayFor I always burn the candle on both ends.I never carry a torch for anyone wearing Depends. 
I don't cast sheep's eyes at anyone either at my hall.And don't try to get a lot of cheek from my wall.Unless your a chip off the old block.But if you're chipped the Gawker may gawk. 
I will sure give you a bill and coo,If you give me a bitter pill to swallow at my zoo.But I won't blow hot and cold,For that could just cause mold.
I blow my own trumpet though.As I get a bouquet of orchids at my show.I would probably eat them.I hope they don't cause a hairball or flem.
I guess it will soon be peter out.What is that saying about?I guess they just pull the wool over their eyes,Putting on airs and thinking they were wise.
And how do you put one's foot in one's mouth?Are you pulling my leg and heading south?Could rack one's brains all day.If one has any at their bay.
Without any it could be tough to catch one red-handed.Living within one's means my leave you stranded.Just don't bite off more than you can chew.Seeing inside your mouth is just eww.
Thankfully I never get bogged down,Being so far ahead at my town.Why would I want to break even?Maybe I could go out Steven?
What, you wanted to out peter before.Humans are crazy at their shore.But that is nothing new under the sun.Finally, the cat will never give a clean slate to anyone.

There you go dVerse now there is no need to curse. For the cat used every single one and could go on forever under his sun. But then what idioms what I leave for everyone else at their sea? Wait! I didn't do that anyway, I guess I'm just greedy. And so the idiots, I mean idioms, have come to pass. Now I will go out Steven with my little rhyming ass.
Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Have To Watch Out Today At Your Bay!

This day in age something is all the rage. For it is another thing for those who can't do. They simply sue. Looking for the easy way out as they oops slip like a trout, getting lots of dough as their pain continues to grow. So away we go with a suing show.

I stubbed my toe,
As I came into your show.
I am going to sue,
For step abuse at your zoo.

Or would that be abuse of a toe?
To hell if I know.
Damn, now that blade of grass,
Is oh so crass.

It is longer than the rest of you lawn,
Making the sun shine off it at dawn.
It blinded my right eye.
I am giving a sue cry.

Not to mention you stepped foot in my yard.
That made my ground all hard.
It packed it down,
And you made me the mockery of town.

That has to be slander in some way.
I will add it to my lawsuit today.
You also stuck a bag in my trash.
That gave my garbage can a bad rash.

I had to go get a new one.
Garbage can abuse is no fun.
I'll tack on more damages there,
I will own your whole lair.

Your TV I can also see,
Through the window staring at me.
You turned on a Christmas show.
That offends my religion don't you know.

So I am going to sue for that.
Not to mention your cat.
You brush its hair off your clothes,
As you go to work and away the wind blows.

That hair floats up above,
Like some dove,
Then comes and lands on my grass.
I can't let such a thing pass.

You have some attitude,
And are just plain rude.
I peeked through your window and saw you nude.
That will also get you sued.

My the things you can sue over and I did not even touch on rover. But it keeps the lawyers at work as they sue for some jerk. Of course some are legit but most are just away for their wallet to take a reverse hit. Way better chances than the lotto to sue at your show. So if you see a stray blade of grass sue and thank my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Let's Fly Into The Sky!

In the movies and TV they are sure grand to see. One has been wanted by many for a while as they wish to fly a good long mile. But the thing with that is they are fake. I for one am glad they have yet to be made at any lake. And what am I going on about today? Why it's the flying car at my bay.

Wouldn't it be cool,
To fly around like a fool?
Many can't even drive right on the ground.
But surely such problems would no longer be found.

I mean it's a flying car.
With it you could travel far.
Not have a twisty road.
No need to crush a toad.

Forget the need to land.
Accidentally crushing some food stand.
I'm sure there is insurance for that.
If not, we'll keep that mishap under our hat.

No lines or roads at all.
We can twirl and have a ball.
Look another collision just took place,
Can I help it I want to fly all over to the rat race?

Pffft to the snow.
That no longer stops me when I want to go.
Besides it makes a nice cushy landing too.
When I try to land unable to view.

That powerline was in the way.
You can't expect me to watch out for that every day.
Those things are everywhere.
Hit one, what do I care?

Oops, bumped a building or two.
Sorry if I scared you.
Just pretend it was an earthquake,
The next time the building gives a shake.

At least you didn't have it rough,
Like the last one I left in a huff.
I went right through the window there.
But I only did that once, I swear.

Pfft to any plane.
I will get in their lane.
I can move faster than those things.
Did I just clip their wings?

Damn, that was all in just one day.
But at least I'll never drive into the bay.
Of course there I may crash,
But I'll make a big splash.

Yep, so glad flying cars have never been made and I hope such tracks are never laid. Nuts are bad enough with the constrictions on the ground. Let them loose in the air and many more problems would be found. Plus they would cost a lot of gas and this has just been another thought from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.