Pat Hatt's Blog, page 230

Some Could Cause Dread As They Appear Over Head!

So you humans like to think all is bright and when you have an idea above your head a bulb with light. I guess for many there is room up there to screw it in at their lair. That air hole must be grand. A human whale would be interesting as you walked on land.

Now maybe if,
You all got a good whiff,
Or a trash bag over head.
Stupid ideas wouldn't cause dread.

Or there could be a hammer,
So if you begin to stammer.
Bam! Down it would come,
You'd feel that down to your bum.

The old myth about the sword,
Should win an award.
What a great thought.
It would weed out the criminals a whole lot.

A torch would be great.
If one gets filled with hate.
They would be charcoal,
And food for a troll.

A fan might help,
Then when you yelp.
No one could hear you drool.
Plus it will keep you cool.

Acid might be fun.
It could get all leaky under the sun.
Dripping on your head with ease.
That could bring us to fleas.

Every time a dumb idea is had.
Fleas drop on your head like mad.
Then you itch all day.
That will keep the bad ideas away.

Thinkingcaps fire hydrant would work too.
It would be heavy and squash the bad ideas from you.
Plus build some muscle as well.
See, things don't always have to just cause you hell.

A projector might work,
Then all could laugh and smirk,
As your thoughts come to life.
Could really cause you strife.

So screw the light bulb fame,
That is far too tame.
The cat would rather have humans get a head kick,
While he turns around and gives himself a lick.

Now don't you want to throw the light bulb away and balance a sword over your head each day? No? Geez you humans are just so lazy and slow. But I guess some need to fill that air hole with a mass. So they are scared of the ideas from my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A dVerse Date Is Thankfully Not My Fate!

It is another round of the scary that have been found. Thankfully there was no dVerse date because Pat refused to open the gate. I guess he can be bright and once more bring no B&C to our site.

"Wanna bake my cake tonight?"
Ummm by your sight,
You ate one too many already.
But feel free to keep eating them steady.

"I hate cat balls, so stop giving them to me!"
Wow, I really will flee.
I never asked to be snip snip,
So don't go giving me any lip.

"What do you say I come to Mars and probe?"
Sure as hell stay off this globe.
Go to mars and stay away,
No probes allowed at my bay.

"I have my own rome, car and job."
What about poor Bob?
And you own Rome?
Wow, you must have one giant lawn gnome.

"Crayons bring me joy."
Are you being coy?
And really at your hall,
You're saying you like things small?

"Dial my digits and I'll forgo the charge."
You mean you have reception on your barge?
Are you a telemarketer trying to get me?
My digits you will never see.

"Is it sunny where you are?"
It is at my bar.
But by the look of your rump,
Much sun doesn't get on each bump.

"Lets go camping in the dark."
Rather listen to a dog bark.
That is the beginning of a horror movie.
Ending up a slasher victim isn't groovy.

"Your face is poetry to me."
Wait! Are you stalking my sea?
Do I have writing on my face?
It better rhyme at a steady pace.

"I'm not easy unless you mow my lawn."
So much gutter thoughts dawn.
But yard work I hate,
Plus I can't pay your rate.

Well at least many of them could spell this time with their dating search chime. But still as scary as can be. Still fun to be used by little old me. And so another dating mass has come to pass. Thankfully Pat avoided each lass which delights my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Such Strife Probably Means They Need A Wife!

The cat was out and about the other day, standing in line at some Costco bay. Of course I was bored standing there. So I gawked around the Costco lair. And there were two guys, who were acting oh so wise. Their conversation was truly heated. Some how after hearing their conversation for those few minutes I feel cheated.

That rabbit one wins hands down.
There is no better in toon town.
Don't tell me you never whack off to her.
She may be called a rabbit but she has no fur.

I was always partial to Misty myself,
She got the engines going at my shelf.
Just something about her charm,
That raises my alarm.

Misty ewww.
Why would you....
How could you....
I wish I never knew.

Says the guy who thought Gadget was hot,
And drooled over her a whole lot.
At least at your house,
We know what happens if you find a mouse.

Well you said Lara Croft wasn't smoking.
You must really be joking.
How could you not want to bang her?
She really makes me purr.

Says the guy who doesn't like the little mermaid.
Could rest with her in the shade.
That red head is on fire.
I bet she would never expire.

You are such a liar.
I said I liked her fire,
But that seashell bra I liked more,
I'd sure go with her to the sea and explore.

Right!
You'd take her after Marge at your site.
That is just gross,
You'd have to be comatose.

That blue hair just does it for me.
Unlike thee.
Who would rather take Betty Boop for a loop.
She looks worse than pigeon poop.

Wonder Woman or She-Ra,
Which would you take to the spa?

Ha! I'd take both.
Neither could handle my growth.

Yep, the cat actually stood there and had to listen to such stuff. My, their love life must truly be rough. I mean they are in love with a piece of paper. I suppose it would be quite the caper, if they went for a ride and a paper cut snip snipped them with pride. Ahh what things come to pass when I'm out and about with my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer..

Where Oh Where At My Lair!

So out and about at random times of the day as much comes about at my bay. We have to annoy Drazin and such for that is enjoyed very much. But no matter the time of day there is always lots of traffic on display.

Where the heck do the come from,
As their engine gives a hum?
The normal 9 or 5,
I can guess at my hive.

Even a dog can guess that.
Whoops, was that an insult from the cat?
Anyway, even at 10am say,
There are many cars on display.

Don't you humans work?
You aren't supposed to have such a perk.
Where the heck are you all going?
As each day you are showing.

Where does it come from?
No wonder so many people drink rum.
You drive them right up the wall,
Thinking about this at their hall.

So you aren't at work.
Aren't at school avoiding a jerk.
All hundreds upon hundreds of you,
Don't all need to go get a shot in the gazoo.

So I guess I will have to find,
Why there is always such a traffic grind.
Sale on some type of crop?
Practicing to be a cop?

Wait! You'd have to park at a donut shop to relate.
Practicing driving straight?
Obviously not,
As that pedestrian hates you a lot.

Why do they call it flipping the bird?
That is also just absurd.
Maybe you just drive to confuse all,
Or you need something to do at your hall.

So why not drive around and pollute,
Giving your horn a toot.
Plus waste tons of gas,
Lowering your bank account in mass.

You humans are just confusing,
But ever so amusing.
I guess there is always some place to go,
When skipping work and school at your show.

Any better answers from you? Do you like getting a shot in the gazoo? Is that the big secret all you humans hide? Maybe you just line up side by side. Either way, always many out and about no matter the time of day. Clearly many should not have passed drivers ed class. Another observation from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

The View Isn't Always True!

Ever think at your rink about a different way of ones display, sometimes an ass is an ass as away they pass, but sometimes not. There could be a whole other plot.

Away they fly,
You curse the guy,
Or the girl,
Driving like they are trying to curl.

But you never know,
Maybe a baby is about to show.
Would no want it to drop,
In the car with a plop.

Could have to get home,
For a fire is starting to roam.
Or could just have to go,
Been there at our show.

Except the cat sorta went,
Making Pat vent.
And crack a window or three,
Even got some on poor Cassie.

Someone is running away,
Could be getting exercise at their bay.
Or could be late,
For a very important date.

That is just habit,
I hate quoting that rabbit.
Catch on there,
As you sit and stare?

If not that is okay,
You are not in the know at your bay.
Or maybe just tired.
See what happens when a new view is hired?

Like a stinky drunk,
Who gives your nose a funk.
Maybe the drunk was out to lunch,
And met up with a bunch.

Or maybe just a cheap drunk,
Or was celebrating a slamdunk.
Just never truly know,
Unless of course some show and tell is giving a go.

But then as said,
Sometimes things need not be read,
And an ass is an ass,
As away they pass.

Went there as I was thinking the other day at my lair as an ass passed me squirming by like a flea. But never fear for the words he couldn't hear so I simply let the finger go up and linger. Hey, I said things could come to pass doesn't mean the new view still can't piss off my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

From The Comment Below Comes A New Flow!

So a long long time ago, like months at my show. Except more like weeks for me, since I'm so far ahead at my sea. There was a waffle comment as the cat made fun of some of you and Adam left a question I just have to answer in a typical What To Do.

What to do, What to do
To cope after being assaulted by a waffle at your zoo.

What can I do?
For now I am blue.
Give me a single malt.
How else can I cope with a waffle assault?

Use it as a circus act.
Could get in that book for a world record fact.
Arm yourself with a fork and spoon.
Call that waffle out at high noon.

Make your plate good and hot.
That could burn it a whole lot.
Smash each toaster you see.
Bury all waffles beneath a tree.

Go on a crusade,
The path is now laid.
Become the waffle avenger.
Or would that be revenger?

Either way,
You could surely make those waffles pay.
Get your pitch fork ready,
And stab them to death steady.

Then those you miss,
Will also get no bliss.
For the cost of waffles will be through the roof.
No one will buy, they'll rot and then poof.

Away they will go.
No more waffles will grow.
Then you will cope,
And not eye that rope.

After such an assault it is all you can do.
Unless you want to eat them all and use the loo.
That also is an evil fate.
But could give you a heart attack at any rate.

Either way it will cure your waffle hate.
And stop a waffle shipment crate.
But you will always carry the insult,
Of the time you were on the receiving end of your waffle assault.

So there you go class. Should a waffle assault ever come to pass, whether lad or lass, now there is no need to jump in a sea of bass. You can win back your dignity and roll in the grass. All thanks to my little rhyming ass. 

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Independent What At The American Hut?

Lets see what the cat can do today at his zoo to get some going with their celebration of fireworks glowing. This should be fun as away I give Independence Day a run.

What to say, what to say,
For good old Independence Day.
Will Smith kicking an aliens ass,
Mel Gibson letting it come to pass.

That is independant right?
As those aliens and British they fight.
Not British aliens though.
That would be one weird show.

I mean such an independent place,
Really gives independence a warm embrace.
For all are so independent each day,
They can make things go away.

Send the jobs overseas,
Cheap labor, yes please.
Thank God for those Chinese,
And lets not forget the Japanese.

Why make it here,
When we can ship it near.
Import from 26 countries to be exact,
At least those are the ones with the above board pact.

Live and let live we say.
As the British import stuff to our bay.
See we are so nice.
Forget the extra shipping price.

At least they tax us no more.
We can pocket our own taxes at our shore.
And if the IRS can't track you down.
A hit squad will decide on your town.

For those taxes we need,
Those million dollar golf games have to take seed.
But we still let you have machine guns.
Those can be bought by the tons.

Forget that they were made in China too.
That just isn't true.
You just rest easy in your beds,
My fellow fluoride heads.

For that is what independence is all about.
Let's give an independent shout.
And live in the past.
It's such an independent blast.

The cat just had to today at his zoo. But feel free to make fun of Canada as well. That isn't a hard sell. Either way the cat has no fear, whether you peer or cheer. All about the fun that comes under your sun. So enjoy your not so independent day there at your bay. I will now prepare for sass which is loved by my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Too Bad It Is A Must To Trust!

Don't trust anybody has been said. But that makes one stupid in the head. At least to the cat, never mind that he is weary of such things at his mat. Although when you take it literally at your sea, you became rather crazy.

Out for a drive,
Trust gets you out alive.
For you go on your way,
People turn after you go by their display.

They wait for the light,
Keep you in sight.
Don't ram your rearend,
Except if they are around the bend.

Go out to eat,
That yummy treat,
Which will curl the cat's toes,
Bringing such germ woes.

But we won't go there,
For that you are aware.
But you trust no spit,
Comes with what you consider a hit.

Also no need to call,
Poison control at your hall.
Trusting there is nothing to make you sick,
Unless of course you are served by a dick.

Which brings us back around,
To when idiots are found.
You trust them too.
You know it to be true.

You trust them to be a complete and utter fool,
Sawing their hand off with a power tool,
Crashing into your car,
Or poisoning you at the bar.

So you use that to stay away,
From their crazy ass display.
Such trust is best,
Keeps one from becoming a crash dummy test.

Trust the tax man to screw you over,
Trust a butt will get sniffed by rover.
Trust the cat will always rhyme.
Trust a criminal comitted a crime.

Trust the government is full of shit.
Trust other so called officials have even more of it.
So there you are today,
You do trust at your bay.

Now you just realize it a bit more,
As do I at my shore.
I just trust not to trust under my sun,
Keeping ahead of the nuts a ton.

That just popped in as a thought and the cat went all hot to trot. For it is a round and round type of thing and some kind of trust does come from your wing. But mostly have to trust ourselves first and that leads to a better burst. Now off to eat some bass, which trust me, tastes good to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

A Fetish For dVerse That Is Rather Perverse!

Thanks to a post from Al you get a picture of this gal.

What that isn't a gal? Don't you still want him as a pal? I needed a reason to rhyme Al and Gal. Did you really want to see Sal? Too bad, you get Big Momma at your pad.


Wait, wasn't ripping off people last week? Bah, I can still do it at my creek. Anyway, away we go here at my show with the word of the day here at my bay

I wish I was making this up.
Actaully no, then that would mean I'm one sick pup.
Err umm cat.
You get the expression at my mat.

Coprophilia is a fetish to some.
It is much much worse than drinking rum.
So awful I throw up in my mouth.
You know that has be bad to make me go south.

In reality though,
It is basically a human acting like an amp-ed up dog at their show.
For a dog just likes a snack.
Not a sexual attack.

So ready for this?
Shit causes some people pure bliss.
That is right.
Instead of a partner to hold tight,

They get aroused by shit.
Have you had a fit?
Well if not here we go,
With a little more info.

The sexual fetish comes,
When they get near stuff that comes out bums.
They can like the smell,
Which they savor at their cell.

They can like the taste.
Yep, they eat their waste.
Or someone elses crap.
They find as they walk across the map.

They can also like the feel.
Stroking crap like a banana peel.
Think of that next time you shake a hand.
The person could have just chowed down at a shit stand.

But it does not stop there.
Oh no, there is more which you should be aware.
There are people who make movies involving it.
I guess you can really say their movie is shit.

Imagine excepting a shit award.
That has to strike a cord.
But they have their own definition too.
The movies involving coprophilia are called scatology if you wish to view.

Would you rather I have just shown Al's favorite picture instead? Now after that what is running through your head? The cat can go dVerse and give a curse, with some messed up crap. Bad choice of words, better go take a nap. I bet they also like gas. I better watch my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your rummer, get drunk all summer.

A Bit Of A Whore Today At My Shore!

So the cat thought it would be fun to give some top search terms a run. How is that a whore you say? Well if I use them I could get them to come to my bay. Thus whoring more views. The cat just can't lose.

Boobies galore,
Is what I expected to whore.
But some of these are so clean,
It is just obscene.

Tory Burch?
Left me in the lurch.
Had to look it up at my sea,
No clothing for me.

J Crew?
More clothes coming due.
I sense a trend with clothes,
Just causing me woes.

I guess I was wrong,
As Fubu sings its song.
Now it is shoes,
How could boobies lose?

The IPAD 3,
Gets a chime in I see.
And Whitney Houston searched for more dead than alive.
That is kind of rude of the internet hive.

Hurricane Sandy,
Because the weather is oh so dandy.
I was expecting rain.
To be atop one at some lane.

SOPA debate.
Thanks mate.
But there is no need,
To Slap Old Pat's Ass at our feed.

Oh that is just wrong.
But so is the next dong,
As pussy riots win.
That I expected at my bin.

Morgan Freeman is up there.
Why, I ask at my lair?
I guess it is his voice,
People hear it and search him out, having little choice.

And cats in the litter.
Okay, I put that to be bitter.
So hopefully one will find,
And get a big view of some scary behind.

There you go, as I whore out some of the top search terms of last year at my show. What the hell I say, the cat's ego can still grow a bit at his bay. Not quite as fun as my search engine crazy pass but then that was a given to my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.