Pat Hatt's Blog, page 2

Time For The Motivation

 

Everyone has a favorite genre or genres to write. But what about your reading preferences? Do you read widely or only within the genre(s) you create stories for? What motivates your reading choice?
Maybe I'll flow.Maybe I won't.What do I know.Could do or don't.
This way I'll write.That way I'll rhyme.What comes into sight,May just be suck a lime.
Or maybe a lemon,Just to get you going.Like a little demon.Eye rhymes a showing.
I could read a short.I could read a long.
I could read and report.I could come on strong.
Especially the preachy.They get an eyeroll.Most though is peachy.Forgoing smut for a stroll.
Does that answer it?Are you confused?Read what I writ?Grammar abused.
But I'll write it out.What the heck.No need for a drought.Something always on deck.
Read what I write.Write what I read.Try a new light.Always changing indeed.
So that is that.Or maybe that's this.A rhyme from the cat.Beats a cough cough hiss.
At least for some.Others maybe not.Way of my rhyming bum.Now on to the next plot.
Pat was oh so lazy off at that work thing, so the cat gave this answer a go. Does it have the same ring? Damned if I know. But read what we will. Write how we want. In one genre we don't stay still. Rules and stuff we taunt. And so that is it. And so I'll go relieve gas. Do you write or read in one or a bit? Or just all like my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy life forget the strife.

Time For A Friendly Reminder

 

A friendly reminder of what? That I'm a rhyming cat? How about that. That I have over 130 books for sale? A plug without fail. That I've been blogging for over a decade now? Does that wow? That blogging is still a thing? That I still need to hear cha ching? That I should get on with it? Would that be friendly umm err shit? Should I swear? Should I care? Should I dare? I'm friendly. I swear.
Blogging is often more than just sharing stories. It’s often the start of special friendships and relationships. Have you made any friends through the blogosphere?
Friendships in blogland? You mean the people behind my screen that are on their screen? Would that mean my friendship is with the screen? I hope I don't have to kiss it goodbye. God knows what germs are on it. Not that people are any less germy. Probably more so. Especially these days. Hmm there was a rabbit hole. Glad I got out and didn't get stuck. Didn't even have to call Lassie. Watch out for those wells, friends. There is my friendly advice for the day. So friends, what's on the agenda now? Are you having a cow? That would hurt a bit. Friendly reminder number two. Aren't I nice to you? Now I'm through. What? Friends? Right!
In years far far far ago I started with a flow. It really really stunk. Worse than a skunk. But as we continued to progress it became less of a mess. It got better. We could spell each letter. Or each word. Didn't rhyme. How absurd. Then we met a few, one in real life too. It grew and grew and away we flew. Many have come and gone and come back and gone again after the end. But yep, there are some that get labeled friend.
Are you allowed to label these days? Is that bad? Are you mad? Did my flow go? What do you know? What don't you know? Any friends at your blogland haunt? Any you like to taunt? I'm now done. Sorry, friends. Gotta run! Or nap. 
Enjoy life, forget the strife.

Time For A Five For A While

 

So over at Birgit's there was a question that piqued my interest. Plus, it got old writer brain pondering. What 5 films would you want with you if you were stuck on an island or in the end of the world scenario for a while. Hmmm Let's just go with the first five that pop in.
And it came from Cinematic Delights's Blogathon: Five Films Forever
*********
The last thing I remember was being Shanghai-ed by some crummy human trafficker's after stumbling onto their operation. They just couldn't kill me or threaten me. Oh no. They had to stick me on their crappy boat that sank when a crappy storm happened and now everyone thinks I'm dead. Here I am sitting on some unknown island with sand in places that sand shouldn't be and all I have is 5 DVDs and some weird way to watch them. DVDs? Really? Who uses these glorified coasters still anyway? I guess it can't hurt to watch them. At least they had good taste. And at least I don't have to even stop them to take a pee. Can do it right here. Deserted islands have their perks, I guess.
First up:
Die Hard
This should be good. At least....what the yippee kay yay mother bleeper!!! 
This is Die Hard 5. They stuck it in the wrong case. This can go drown with them. I'd rather be eaten by a smoke monster on this island than watch this trash to my brain ever again.

Second up:
Hot Pursuit(1987)
At least this one can't get screwed up. No sequels....what? Hot Pursuit (2015) Can't these idiots read? If I wanted something this badly acted I'd go watch seagulls poop.
Third up:
My Fellow Americans
No way they can screw this one up. Well unless they think Trump's 4 years was a comedy. Here we go...what? Stupid thing. Work!!!!!!!!!! Damn thing is scratched. First they can't put them in the right case and now they can't even keep things in decent shape. Hope they were as bad at human trafficking as they were bootlegging DVDs. 
Fourth Up:
Adventures in Babysitting
So...so...it is the Disney channel remake. I guess I won't be singing the babysitting blues today. Where is a Fast and Furious movie when you need it? No one screws those up. Knowing my luck I'd get stuck with 3 though. 
Fifth Up:
Beverly Hills Cop
Should I even bother at this point? Sigh. It figures. It is the third one. Would a polar bear come out of the woods and eat me now? End this suffering. This is worse than watching Batman & Robin. Okay. Maybe not.
Okay. Enough of this crap. They can all go into the ocean now. Stupid magic DVD player thingy can go there too. Go get your drive full of fish poop. I'll be damned if I'm going to go all Gilligan's Island or talk to some volleyball for years. At least give me Hooch.
Oh look. I missed one. Deadpool. Not bad. Probably end up being Blankman though. 
"You sound like a little child with all your whining."
Shut up, Deadpool DVD. No one is talking to you. I've clearly been out in the sun too long.
"Yeah. You are looking like a burnt steak. At least you could eat the unimportant parts if you start to starve. You aren't going to use anything you thought vital on a deserted island."
Dick jokes from a Blankman DVD. Now I really do want to get eaten by a polar bear.
"I'm not Blankman. I'm Meteor Man."
Figures. Why don't you go join Cosby in jail.
"Low blow. Low Blow. He barely even spoke in the movie."
You talk enough for both of us. Why am I still talking to you? Time I smash you to bits. 
"No. You need me."
Yeah. Like I need a hemorroid. See ya.
This thing sure didn't break easy, but at least when I smashed it I gained a little satisfaction. A little less than I did when I sank the boat of the traffickers. What? You really thought the storm did it? Pfffft.
GREAT! Now the damn pieces are glowing. And now a hole in the sand is opening up. And now it is sucking me in. I might as well roll with it. Even if I end up watching Grease 2. Wait. No. That would be bad. I'll take the island. Stop! 
Hmmm. Back in my bed. Cat between my legs. No glorified coasters. Guess it was just a dream. Or I guess a nightmare. Anything with Die Hard 5 has to be a nightmare. 
THE END
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Geez, Pat went off there. His mind is a scary place. Well maybe not to me. I've lived with it long enough. See any of the movies above? Got 5 you wouldn't mind watching over and over and over again? I'm reminded of that Stargate SG1 episode. No matter what 5 you like now, give it a year. You'd never want to see them again after that.
Enjoy life, forget the strife.

Time For A Trip

Don't I look so impressed? Bah, that is just the flashy thing I'm rolling my eyes at. These are great. They are mighty good to chew on. What? I can't read. What do I care what they say. Pat hid them on me though. How rude is that? Theresa and her Mixed Nuts whipped these up for me and sent them from her new etsy store and Pat took them away. So I figured while Pat is...

Pretending to do this when really...

He's doing this. I'd go for a day trip like her and her mixed nuts do.
At first I was cursing her and her mixed nuts because I stopped to use a giant litterbox and found THIS!!! Who would have thought a place named Roseway wouldn't be rosy. They need to change the name.

So I ventured farther and found a place to go that was even more out in the boonies. Yeah. I lifted my leg off the wharf. What?

Then I saw this lighthouse thing that humans are in awe of. Really? Can't say I get the appeal. It's like a giant red dot. Wowweee.

This thing stuck out like a sore thumb. In a good way? Maybe. The birds covering it kinda put me off. Maybe Blabber can come scare them away with her bird whispering.

And then I found a giant litterbox with no snow. Just watch where you step if you ever visit.

And onward I continued. Down some road that wasn't white. Only to find...

Foggy trees! An island of foggy trees. A dead end with an island of foggy friggin trees. Wow!

Oh, and there was a rock. Isn't it umm rocky?

Then I snuck into this place. For a town that has lock in its name, the locks were pretty easy to get by. I think they need a security expert.

And yeah, here we have water. Not sure on the appeal. But it's water! Awe!

And a rainbow over water. Woweee. Light and water. Now we were talking.

I stayed on the outskirts of this one. Any town with loony at the start of its name isn't very appealing. I don't want to visit an asylum. What? Lunen, you say? Bah, you say it wrong.

And here we see water between a town and cement. That has to impress, right?

And finally...finally...ugg...can't...it's more...ugg...water. But hey, at least I peed there.

After all of that I went and had a nap. Don't you like my travels? Have you ever taken any day trips? Did you see Theresa's new store? Do I have a future as a tour guide? Maybe Blabber will have second thoughts about bringing her tiny humans here. That's the last thing I need. More tiny humans. I'll just make her sneeze a bunch. Anyway, I'll leave the travel to Theresa and her mixed nuts for now. Time to nap. 
Enjoy life, forget the strife. 

Time To He Said She Said

 

The cat said that it was time for another post. The cat said that I wanted the cat said. The cat said he thinks you will get it by now. The cat said that you must have by now. The cat said we better get on with it. The cat said it was time to already. The cat said he was getting annoyed. The cat said for the human to stop typing. The cat said...ugg going to nap now. Here is the question which the cat didn't say.
Being a writer, when you're reading someone else's work, what stops you from finishing a book/throws you out of the story/frustrates you the most about other people's books?

Can you guess yet? Yep. You said it. Whenever I read a book and they insist on putting dialogue tags at the end of everything my brain feels like it is going to explode. Especially if it is just two people talking. I don't get confused that easily. He said. She said. He said. She said. He said. She said. Shoot me now. I give some slack to writers just starting out, but I've read some that are on book 10 or so and keep doing it. Unless you are writing for toddlers, who I don't think would even get that confused, he said she said he said he said she said she said she said needs to go out the window.

And the voluminous words need to go take a humongous walk off a tremendous cliff. We get it. You know big words. Unless your character is one of those people that think their crap don't stink and needs to use big words to sound smart (I worked with one of those before) then you don't need to use words that make people look up the meaning or just skip over. When am I every going to use voluminous over large or big? If I want to expand my vocabulary, I'll read the dictionary. 

Those are just two that popped in. Do you have anything that stops you from reading a book? And don't forget about the Twitter Pitch if you have a book ready to go. Also today is the day the winners are announced for last year's anthology contest. Have a look here!

Enjoy life, forget the strife.

Time For The 10 of 2020

 

Seriously, who puts a toilet on stairs? You humans are weird. I mean unless you are the perfect height, you either miss or hit your head on the ceiling. Or look like some demented frog when you sit down. The cat will keep the lid shut on this thing, much like how many wish to shut the lid on 2020 and watch it all flush down the toilet. But you may not want to do that just yet, as 2021 will be more of the same. Why flush twice? All right, before the Blabbermouth-ed one declares we are obsessed, let's get on to 10 things learned in 2020 that she wanted to do with the cat.
1. Essential and Indefinitely
Two words you only heard sparingly before 2020, unless you truly were essential, but once 2020 hit, they became the new go to words. 
2. Toilet Paper is Gold
People didn't rob for money. They robbed and pillaged for toilet paper. Really? If you have no food to eat, do you still need toilet paper?
3. Gullible
This is known, but 2020 proved it all the more. Put the nail in the coffin for the human race. Sooo many are sheep. See a Youtube video and suddenly it's the truth. Listen to some blowhard orange buffoon and suddenly it is the truth. Really? Whoever believes 5G caused COVID needs to go live on the moon. Actually, that is too close. Ship em to Mars.
4. Unmasked
People go wacko when you ask them to put a simple piece of cloth on their face. Like you asked them to wear Grandma's dirty drawers on their face or something. Yet humans can dress up in spandex and go to cons or dress up in masks for Halloween. Or you know...furries!!! But a mask...nope! It was directed by Hell itself.
5. Transportation Rules The World
Without Truckers, shippers, etc. no one would get anything. Everything would dry up in a few weeks and that would be that. Until you can go all BTTF and create stuff outta nothing, even the smartest and most essential person is screwed without them. Unless you already have your bunker fully stocked, then you are good for a few years anyway.
6. Capitalization Withstands All
 If you wanna make money, just wait for a pandemic. Hoard a bunch of TP and cleaning products and sell them at a premium. Not really new, but it does further show that there is no depth to which some won't sink.
7. Make Believe Is Still Alive
"Adults" think they leave all that make believe behind once they grow out of childhood, well 2020 sure proved that wrong. At least kids make up things to have fun and learn. "Adults" just make up things to suit their own agenda or belief so they can do what they wanted to do anyway. Pfffft.
8. No Money? Pffft No Issue
What's another few trillion in debt? If a country runs out then they just print more and more and more. Throw billions at the issue and hope something sticks. Worry about future problems in the future. The human way!
9. Double The Fun

Didn't think we'd make fun of humans for all 10, did you? Why get one mutt when you can get two? Learn from each other. Keep each other company. Make double the mess. Double the work. Double the love. Double the poop. Yeah. Just double. Don't you want two mutts now?
10. Don't Take Those Close for Granted
2020 has proved that you never know what might be around the corner and that it may be something that flushes all your plans down the toilet, so don't wait to spend time with people you care about. Even if you use common sense and do it over Zoom or the like, it still counts and keeps those you care about alive and/or healthy. Things can change on a whim and you may regret the little moments you miss. So don't miss them!
And there we go. That is that for the things learned for 2020. What? Did you expect them all to be cheery? Pfffft. You humans don't make that easy with your stupidness and other idiotic things you do. And we thought planking was as bad as it could get. Not really, but we are trying to give you the benefit of a doubt. Really trying. I guess you'll have to go to Jax if you want 10 all touchy feely ones. Just don't touch for real. That spreads germs. Not like you humans care though. Have to ra ra ra about a piece of cloth. I'll leave you with it while I take a nap. Maybe you'll accidentally choke on the cloth. What?
2020 is almost done. Time for more of the same in 2021.

Time For A Merry Post

 

Uncle Pattie, the tiny humans, the furballs, and maybe even the cat hope all in blogland have a Merry Christmas, Happy Holiday, or just enjoy the day off.
(Yeah, I'm double dipping. Shhh. Not all follow me at the other place.)

Enjoy the day and don't let the germs come in to play!

Time For Christmas Cheer?

 

It's that time of year.The time for cheer.Christmas is near.Unless fat guys you fear.
Then out goes the cheer,Replaced by fear.Like any other time of year.After all, the end is near.
All around the sphere.The end is near.Near and dear.But Christmas is here.
So forget the near.Go for the cheer.Unless you still fear.Then stay right here.
Or drink many a beer.Could take away the fear.May make cheer appear.Or make you lose your career.
So maybe just adhere.Go with the cheer.Only this time of year.The rest the end is near.
Hoard all tp near.Scream and run in fear.Go and shed many a tear.Don't move from first gear.
At least until this time of year.Then it is time for Christmas cheer.So let all near hear.Fly free with the cheer.
It is crystal clear.The cheer is here.Listen for the jingle of reindeer.Get out there and be a profiteer.
Sell and maybe later volunteer.That part could be unclear.So stick to selling Christmas cheer.It's the sticking point for this time of year.

You humans sure are a strange bunch. Maybe just out to lunch. Or out to supper in the dark. That could be why you miss the mark. All happy and cheery for a month or so. Then what? Back to ra ra ra you go. That's all you got in you? One month of cheer is all that's true? Do you only get cheery because of a fat guy? Are you going to lie? If fat guys are your thing, okay. Enjoy the cheer that comes your way. But remember not to buck the system. Someone may find you and slowly twist em. You can't be cheery after it is over and done. You have to go back to fear and stray away from fun. You have to get on social media and give all sass. Pffft humans really are strange to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy life, forget the strife.

Time For The Productive

 

Is it that time of year again? How many times have you said or heard that? I bet some people can't count that high. Then again, some people can't read that much either, so they may be in bliss as they say it. What? Is that not cheery for this time of year? Can a year have a time? Does it have its own clock? Is the clock a secret? Can a year be a year when it is just a human creation? All right, one more question before I fry any brain cells out there. Although that may be rough considering that weed is legal up here and the stoners are going to it. Guess I'll just fry other nations brain cells. Right! On with it.

Are there months or times of the year that you are more productive with your writing than other months, and why?

Ummm productive? What's that? Is that like doing things other than work? Hmmm I think that got lost somewhere along the way between the 9-5, cats, dogs, and kids. 

Well since I hibernate more in the winter I guess that is when I can be more productive. Then again, not a fan of the super heat so I could be more productive then too. Or maybe it rains a lot in the spring and I'm more productive then. Unless spring brings a fling and then I'm more productive in the fall. Or maybe a pandemic comes and makes me more productive or less productive. Have I answered the question yet? I have a feeling this wouldn't qualify as productive. 

Maybe I should just conclude that I am productive here and there and there is no rhyme or reason to it. Well maybe there is a rhyme to it some of the time. That can turn on a dime. Beats being a mime or sucking a lime. Or is it suck a lemon? Guess you'll have to ask a demon. Eye rhyme too. Whoa hoo!

Are there times when you are more productive than others? Has productive gotten lost in the grand scheme of things at your sea? Or maybe just productive in other ways. Like scooping the poop, wiping butts, going to the giant litterbox, or fighting the mutts for socks. That's productive, right?

And FYI if you have a manuscript you need to plug, this is a good way to do it. Coming soon!

Enjoy life, forget the strife.

Time For The Supernatural

 

Nope. No monsters, witches, ghosts, or hex bags up here. I think I'm good. Pffft as if such things were really there. The cat is just hiding his head so Jax doesn't see me rolling my eyes. She is kinda obsessed with such things. I mean having watched over 300 episodes of it multiple times does make you obsessed, right?
Pat has watched every episode too. I think the only thing that he's watched that has made more is Stargate. But that took the original, a spinoff, and one very very bad spinoff that we will not even mention. So since the obsessed one wants to do a top episode list and since Pat has seen them all and made me sit there and watch them and since it is ending until the reboot, remake, re-whatever comes up, I guess I can pick a bunch. 
If you can get past all the melodrama of you lied to me...boo hoo...you kept a secret from me...boo hoo...you lied to me again...boo hoo...you kept a secret from me again...boo hoo...it is a fun ride indeed.
Top Supernatural Episodes! (in no particular order and with some spoilers)

Just My Imagination
What if your childhood imaginary friend was real and you just thought it was imaginary? That is until it comes back asking for help. Are you nuts or is your imaginary friend not imaginary?
Weekend at Bobby's
What better way to get your soul back then to summon a demon and try to get it back? Like that is ever going to work. Especially when you rip off a movie title and have people always bothering you.
Bad Day at Black Rock
Luck may be a made up word, but what happens when it is true? Then you get all kinds of good and then all kinds of bad luck. 
Fan Fiction
What if your life becomes a musical and some creature is out to kill you? You may learn that aliens were never in the cards.
Wishful Thinking
What happens when a small town's wishing well starts granting wishes for real? You may end up with a suicidal teddy bear.
Changing Channels
What happens when you get stuck living in TV show land? You may find out that you have herpes.
Scoobynatural
What happens when you get zapped into Scooby Doo? You may learn they aren't the wisest mystery solvers ever.
Mystery Spot
What happens when you rip off Groundhog Day? Umm What happens when you rip off Groundhog Day? Umm Umm What happens when you rip off Groundhog Day? Save Me!
The French Mistake
What happens when an angel zaps you to an alternate reality where your world is nothing but a tv show? You learn the alternate yous are real douchebags.
Baby
What happens when the whole episode is shot from the perspective of a car? You don't get far if you have no gas.
Moriah
What happens when you don't do what God wants? He throws a tantrum and kinda ends the world. At least until a few episodes in. Then all gets back to normal.
Don't Call Me Shurley
What happens when God finally reveals himself to be God and not Chuck? He sings a song.
Hammer of The Gods
What happens when your car breaks down and you get stuck in a hotel with a ton of gods? You learn that they are posers compared to Lucifer. 
The Benders
What happens when the monsters are humans? You learn that they are worse.
Two Minutes To Midnight
What happens when you are searching for Death? You find him eating french fries and burgers of course.
Dark Side of the Moon
What happens when you need to go to heaven? You get killed and go there. Duh!
The End
What happens when you get zapped to a future where Lucifer has won? You learn that it is a good idea to hoard toilet paper.
Abandon All Hope
What happens when you try to kill Lucifer? Everything goes wrong.
The Monster at the End of This Book
What happens when you go into a book store and see that your hunts are all stories? You track down the guy who wrote them and learn he is God...err umm a prophet.
Swan Song
What happens when the ending that was supposed to be happens? You learn that there were still 10 more seasons left to go, with at least 3 crap ones in there.
Clap Your Hands if You Believe
What happens when aliens are invading a town? You learn that they aren't aliens but small, naked fairies. 
Beat the Devil  
What happens when you roofie Lucifer? He opens a doorway to apocalypse world.
I Believe The Children Are Our Future
What happens when a kid is born that is half human and half demon? Lots of things until they forget him altogether and never mention him again.
Unity
What happens when God and his Sister go for a stroll and then merge? You get one pissed off being.

Well that went on a while, huh? With 300+ episodes it can do that. Ever watch the show? Ever watch a show with that many episodes? Does it pique your interest? Is Jax obsessed? You can see for yourself with her post on it by clicking here.
Watch out for the monster under your bed!