Pat Hatt's Blog, page 6

A Few Thursday Thoughts!

"I guess I could grace this blog with my presence again before I sleep."
Pffft. Like you have anything better to do. And like I wouldn't have to let you.
"I better get on with it before he starts yapping. I'll never get a nap."
Don't...
"And here we go with the first."
How rude.
A Human Went There!!!!
This is probably one of the top things I've rolled my eyes at concerning humans. They go to a place solely because someone else did. I'm not talking about a friend who had a great experience and recommended a restaurant, boutique, etc. Oh no. I'm talking about the sheep who go to a place because someone on TV did. "Oh look. Sylvester Stallone golfed there. That must make it great." Person got offended when all that came was a shrug. 
Who friggin cares? They are only people. Nothing more special about them then anyone else. Well except maybe the riches, unless they don't pay their taxes and then in jail they go. Poor Blade. Hey! He went there. Don't you all want to go to jail now? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? 
A place is good because it is good. Not because someone that is on TV went there. Any brain dead fool can get on TV. Just look at those dumb reality(yet not really reality) shows.
And humans make fun of mutts for sniffing butts. They may not sniff, but they sure follow like sheep after some sort of whiff.
"And there is your comment from the peanut gallery, folks."
How rude. Such attitude. 
"Get a new line. That one is old."
Show Em The Money!!!
Cash in hand. Is this even still a thing? I mean maybe when it was cash or check, yeah. Checks you couldn't trust so cash made the deals better. But now? Really? So you are going to give me cash in hand. Umm...okay. Does that make it special some how? Should I be jumping up and down? Does that make me want to choose you over the guy who will pay double by email? Nope! I'll let you be the sucker on that one and keep your germy, drug-laced cash in hand.
But it is great to chew. That you knew.
"Probably what's wrong with you. You got high off the money you licked."
How...
"We know. How rude. Geez. And damn. I have to steal it."
How Rude!!!
So when you are out and about and a human comes to you that you haven't seen for a while and they want to shake your hand, hug you, kiss your cheek, or whatever else you humans do, and you back away because they are sick, does that make you rude? Pat got called that the other day because he wouldn't shake the hand of a germy person who was hacking up a lung. Not that Pat shakes hands much anyway, but that one? Even one who isn't OCD would have brains enough not to do that.
The rude one in this case is the idiot that didn't keep his hand to himself in the first place. That is why germs spread so much because people are inconsiderate, at best, when it comes to them. If you'd keep your damn hands to yourself, not get offended when you are the dumb one, and not eat without washing your hands, then maybe you wouldn't hack up that lung to begin with. 
See? My how rude applies a bunch. Humans are just out to lunch.
"Just a tad more than you. Take it away. I'm off for a nap."
Ever get called rude for not going near one with germs? Maybe they should eat more worms. Ever hear about the cash in hand terms? They should choke on worms. Are you a sheep and go places because someone on TV went there? Pfffft is what we give at our lair. Got a text months back that a person from some history channel TV show was on the same plane as another. Like I care? Go tell your mother. Is the plane any less or more in mass? Nope. So whoopdi friggin doo says my little rhyming ass.
The blind leading the blind = mankind.

A Little In And A Little Out!

This is in. This is out.Listen to all about.So follow one. So follow all.Follow the little bouncy ball.
This is out. This is in.Using one is now a sin.So follow one. So follow all.Follow the little bouncy ball.
This is out. This is in.We've already done this spin.So follow one. So follow all.Didn't we damn it last fall?
This is in. This is out.What is this repeat about?So follow one. So follow all.Didn't I see them left in a bathroom stall?
This is in. This is out.Are you a forgetful trout?So follow one. So follow all.Follow that damn bouncy ball.
This is...dumb. This is stupid.Like the thought of creepy cupid.So ignore one. So ignore all.Give the dog back its bouncy ball.
This is stupid. This is dumb.Pull your head from your bum.So ignore all. So ignore one.Being a sheep is never fun.
This is stupid. This is dumb.Go to the beat of your own drum.So ignore one. So ignore all.Forget what you saw in the bathroom stall.
Now you're free. Now you're wise.You stopped being one of the flies.So you wore it. So you used it.Let the other nuts have the fit.
This is in. This is out.Let the blowhards scream and shout.So follow none. So follow you.Ignore the sheep and have a clue.
Are you one of those who cares about trends? Do you have to do what is stated by strangers or friends? You may need a look in the mirror. Or at least wash it to make it a little clearer. If it is crap today, it will be crap next May. If it is grand today then let it play. Or course age can come into play too. But some still have no clue. The cat will take a trendy pass and keep on being a little rhyming ass.

If you only follow a trend, your life you amend.

Glutton For Punishment!

Can you guess what I'm stalking? If you follow that other place you already know, but I bet this is what you guessed.

Poop machines. Nope. They are bad, but this could be....

Worse! It's 2 new mutts!

Try it you tiny little rat.

Two on one. Is that all you got?

Hey, where are you going. I'm not through.

Come a little bit closer.

You aren't so scary.

Let's go. I'll show you how to get into the best trouble.

Attacking her may not be your best idea. She takes no crap.

Told you so. Now you have to rest after she put the boots to you.

We think we may need to rest too. I may be getting too old for this lethal weapon.
Yep. Now we have poop machines by the pair and mutts by the pair. Pat really is a glutton for punishment. He has been threatening us for years and finally did it. He brought home mutts. Can you believe it? Cassie doesn't take their crap. They are afraid of her. Me? Well I always liked dogs better than cats, but shhh, don't spread that around. Any new additions at your sea? Can you believe Pat? Yeah, I asked that twice. If the cat is slow responding, now you know why. I guess I'll go do something and blame the hounds. I will keep them away from Cass and just let them follow my little rhyming ass.
Gone to the dogs and their brown logs.

Time For Plan B

I heard him coming. I saw his streak.That black and white can go up the creek.He won't get in, but he will get hit.Yet the interloper continues to try it.

My job was done. My job was through.He ran away when this came in view.It rolled and lit and rolled some more.That damn thing went all over the floor.

I stalked it out. I stalked it dead.I then sat pooped and ready for bed.Pat needed to be home to feed my ass.Secondly he could go and feed Cass.

He was slow. He was stuck.That tree will blow away with any luck.Then Pat won't stop and take a look.He'll get home and feed our nook.

It's a mutt. It's actually three.Pat is as nosy as can be.Why was he looking at any of those?That's just the beginning of my woes.

In it came. Down it went.The poop machine seems to pitch a tent.No, I won't believe you are a cat.You can go somewhere else and meow like that.

You zig it. You zag it.Oh, here comes some spit.I won't chase it as here I sit.Sorry, you literally are full of shit.

You can wave. You can dance.I'll still give you a hateful glance.Just reach over. Just a little more.Boy, you two are such a chore.

And there it goes. There it tries.He wants to tell auntie lies.Like I'll attack and get in trouble.I'm gonna get out of here on the double.

First I'll speak. First I'll tell.You two need to go back to where you dwell.Don't look my way. Don't look at me.No pouty eyes are going to set you free.

Yep. I'm gone. Yep. I'm out.You can stare under there and give a shout.I have a plan. I have an attack.Best I got when Pat won't let me smack.

Make your noise. Make your mess.Come on. A little more. A little less.For when you go back you may get stuck.At least that's my hope with any luck.

For now you're done. For now you're through.Now you'll get kicked home for all the eww.For I've chewed the diapers through and through.A crash course in potty training will now come due.
Think my plan will work? I chewed the clean diapers with a smirk. But then I got taken to the vet. That sure caused me to fret. Yeah, they always seem to be around. You'd think they liked me like their hound. Speaking of which, did you see those? Can you guess which way the wind blows? This could create lots of sass. I really need to go rest my little rhyming ass.

Think of a Plan B when poop machines visit thee.

A Traditional Post

I guess I have made it a tradition to post at this time. You know, the first Wednesday of the month when others do. Would that be a tradition or a rule? Hmmm I have posted after and before, so maybe it is more of a bendable rule. Or tradition. I guess it would be whatever side of the coin you fall on. Or side of whatever. You may have a tradition that is the side of a door. Hey, has two sides. It beats side of the ham. Not sure why any would use ham for the saying, but it popped in, so I went with it. Would my rambling be a tradition of my place? Or would it just be my thing? Thing is more fast and loose. Let's go with thing and get with the question answering.

Other than the obvious holiday traditions, have you ever included any personal or family traditions/customs in your stories?

Hmmm can't think of any that I've included. I can't even think of any that we have that aren't obvious, if we even have obvious ones. Opening up presents I suppose is obvious. So I guess we have a few obvious ones. Oh, one just popped in. I guess we do have personal ones. Nope. It never got into a story yet. I don't think I've written any around the holidays, at least that incorporated any holiday in any impactful way, novel wise.

I have included all kinds of other personal things that some may not guess is personal. But then the cat has already spilled the beans on everything going anyway. Don't think I have much left. At this point it would take me yanking down my pants and posting an ass selfie on the blog to have something few have seen. Don't worry, I'll forever pass on the little, big, hairy, or otherwise little rhyming ass pics. Unless I was paid a bunch. I can be bought. What? Don't look at my page that way. Oh wait. That could just be a tradition with many of you by now. Go for it. Look a way.

Have you slipped any traditions into your blog/novels/written words anywhere where you write them down?

Enjoy life, forget the strife.

Picture Advancement Ease

The cat was at Snowcatcher's the other day where she had tons of great pics on display. She brought up how it was way easier to get creative with pics today. I never really thought about it much before that. But she is right. It gets a big YEP from the cat. That truly pain in the arse of using photoshop years ago at our sea I think we blocked out. Then she brought it back about. Now I guess we appreciate the ease more. And the cat is fine with showing himself a ton all at once at our shore. And we can even go further too. As Pat goes back to editing, here are some ones for a Lookie Lou.

If I must, I guess I will.I'll show those out for a butt sniffing thrill.Thousands interact with Pat.Their smell isn't grand to the cat.

And then there is land, sea, and snow.We'll skip the very last though.We'll even take the giant litterbox.If the cat wanted to go for walks.

And then you got this creep.He sure has quite the heap.He gets around a bunch.We really think Pat is out to lunch.

And we can now pimp books with ease.Sticking them all in there is a breeze.The poop machines are even showing.Bah, a blocking out faces we didn't give a going.

And then you can just stick favorites together.From poop machines to cats to weather.Much easier than doing this or that.And there is a look into the world of the cat.
Pat keeps saying he really should be editing at our sea, but I made him post for me. Do you realize how easy it is to post and change pics these days? Sure is no longer one big tech maze. Now I'll let Pat go edit his latest novel's final pass while I go back to napping my little rhyming ass.
With a click click click you can edit a pic some slick.

Holiday Ever After

There's man babies and fat guys and bunnies that hop.Set in diapers or red suits or ears that flop.One has an arrow. One has a sleigh.One looks like it leaves poop at the end of the day.
There's more in between. There's more in the end.But why make a scene? Oh yeah, go and spend.It's the way of the day. It's the way of your life.Buy stupid shit for your husband, dog, and wife.
The flowers that die. The candy that tastes grand.Give em diabetes while holding their hand.Now that shows love. That shows care.Throw in another stuffed animal if you've got money to spare.
It's bright and sunny. The day is the way.Go spend that money on the next window display.Or with a scroll and then maybe a click.You can buy right now, ever so slick.
You'll be fuzzy and warm. You'll be happy and grand.Even gift to those people you really can't stand.It says a lot about you. Yep, it says a lot.Like you've been brainwashed or suffer from rot.

And there goes the switch. There goes the day.Ain't that a bitch. Now you've got bills to pay.It's back to the normal. It's back to ignore.They'll just have to wait for next year's encore.
That's the only time you'll show. It's the only time you'll speak.But what do you know, you may if you're up shit creek.For you gave on the day. You gave to each and all.That one you don't like has to answer your call.
You enjoyed the day. You did it how you're told.You saw a deal and it was sold sold sold.But now the day is done. Now normal is back.Doing that on a random day may cause a heart attack.
Diabetes is bad enough. Who wants another?Oh look. It's a call from your mother.Best to wait until Mother's day to return her call.That will be the best. You'll be the envy of all.
Holidays are the best time. They are the best.They are when you show you are just like the rest.Suck up and pretend. Suck up and put on a display.But pffft to such things now for it isn't a holiday.
Did you think the cat wouldn't make fun of you humans this year? Pffft valentines day and all the crap that claims to be a holiday to get you to buy crap can kiss my rhyming rear. As can people who only show such things on a so-called holiday. In a lake they can go drown err umm play. Are you one that turns off and on like a light switch when a so-called holiday comes to pass? No matter the day, I'm still the same old little rhyming ass.
The holiday greet can hit the street.

Once Upon A Stalker

See how I'm staring at you? Do you? Do you really? If a human, a big human, not the tiny ones, ever stares at you like that and they aren't related to you, in a relationship with you, or whatever, then you better run far far away. Don't believe me? Well I have a case study that proves it. It is the poor life and times of this naive woman. Let's call her...LMF. If only she listened to the cat then they never would have found her pink boots by the docks. 
The Nice Person Who Wasn't A Stalker  (But...let's call him J...really, really, really was.)


Oh, cat. I'm so lucky where I work. I have a guy who will do anything for me. He is just so nice. He is a genuine nice guy. So so so nice. It is so nice.
Is this some sort of test? Are you trying to see how many times you can say nice?
No. He is truly that nice. Let me list the ways.
"sighs" Here we go. If you must make me endure this again.
#1. He opens the door for me.Wow. Now that is nice. He makes sure you don't touch the germy doorknobs so you won't be sick when he grabs you.
#2. He takes me out for lunch and pays.Well it is nice of him to feed you and keep you plump while he stalks you.
#3. He carries in things for me.Nice of you to let him build muscle strength by carrying your purse. Which he probably swipes little items out of for his shrine to you.
#4. He stands up for me to the bosses.He wouldn't want you to get fired. You'd be harder prey then.
#5. He leaves me little gifts on my desk. And he probably takes other things for his shrine while he's in there.
#6. He uses no foul language around me.That's nice. Stalkers don't want you to know what they are really thinking anyway.
#7. He asks about my life. Like really seems interested.Because what stalker wouldn't need to know your schedule.
#8. He makes sure I get home safely.He knows where you live. Should I explain this one further? If it hasn't sunk in by now, it never will.
#9. He drops everything to be by my side and help me.Sigh. Are you done yet? It would be nice if you were.
#10.......Did you run out of items? Wait. You still there?
Sorry, cat. You are making him feel bad. He is so nice that you can't comprehend that. You and my other friends all just have had bad experiences in the past. But I have to finish. I must. He knows I'm neurotic and loves me anyway.
#10. He only does these things for me. Just me and no one else. Maybe his wife. But he doesn't talk about her much. No one said a stalker couldn't make you feel all warm and tingly. Of course that may just be your body going numb as you get choked to death.

"I don't want nothing in return. I swear it. But if you were to mention it, our spouses wouldn't have to know."
Oh, J. I know you don't mean it. You are just so nice.
"Nice and ready. Just say the word. You don't want me to pout like this forever, do you? We could go out for dinner and discuss your day. That would be nice."
"Sure. That would be nice. Just let me grab my things."

BREAKING NEWS!!!
This just in. Cat pulls remains from river that are believed to be LMF's. He tried to warn her, but like many humans, she never listened to a cat. If only she had paid attention to the signs, the cat, her friends, hell, even the bum down the street holding that "the world is ending" sign. They all saw it. Let this be a warning to all young men and women out there. When you receive gifts, door hold, compliments, and all kinds of other things and are the only person getting such things, nice may not always be so nice. They want you. Whether dead in the river or in bed. They want you.
And so ends the life and times of poor LMF. She will be missed in blogland. We also hear a cat scratched "I told you so" on her tombstone. That was nice of him.
So is the cat right? Is there such a thing as too nice? Holding a door for someone. Fine. That's nice. But doing it all the time along with 50 other things and only for said person. Doesn't that seem a tad fishy? Ever had a stalker? Are you just a nice nice nice person? If you're married and their married is there such a thing as too nice? I think on such nice people I'll take a pass. No more stalkers for my little rhyming ass.
With little old nice, you roll the dice.

Picture This!

And now we are back with much pictured today. I guess all have their cameras out and are ready to get instaneedy. What? The name kinda stuck. Did you picture it yet? No? Are you picturing the "like me. like me!!!!!!!!!!!!" people? They may be the stuff of nightmares. Better get on with it before the nightmares become real.
Has a single photo or work of art ever inspired a story? What was it and did you finish it?

Ummm. Is this a trick question? Are you new to my blog? Are 3000+ posts too hard to go through? Okay, I'll answer now. Big YEP! Easy as can be. Can write a story out of any photo I see. May be long. May be short. But I can still write a retort. May be in rhyme. May be not. Either way, can think up a plot.


It came from the grass. The same plot that was once barren of life. Just the way I liked it. That was where she deserved to be. But her corpse had to go and spring life. Worm food to grass. Grass to flowers. Flowers to bees. Boy, do I hate nature. Almost as much as I hate her.
At least I can spring forth life worthy of something. Anything from her is a snake in the grass. That snake. It never would have been there if I hadn't put her there. Why couldn't I have dumped her in the river? No fish would bite me. Not a one. But a snake. A damn, dirty snake. Who knew I was allergic to snake bites? Her! I bet that is her reincarnated. Coming as her true self. She came back for revenge. Screwed me in life and screwed me in death. That...
See? Easy as can be. Pulled a random photo from my stash and away I went with what popped in first. Are you allergic to snakes? Ever bury anyone in the woods? Might not want to answer the latter. Can you pop out a story from a picture too? Yeah. The snake hissed while I was taking its photo. I think it was rather miffed that I was afraid.

Enjoy life, forget the strife.

Thoughts On Ten At Our Den!

Here we are. Here we be.Very few that started with me.Many faded away. Many went out of style.But there are still many that have been here a while.
Season 10 is upon us. Season 10 is here.A full decade is close of my rhyming rear.Can you imagine? Can you think?For some at the latter they really stink.

No books at all. Not in the beginning.Now even Tarsier Man seems to be winning.Well over a 100 or so. Could be a 100 more.Who knows what another decade has in store.

But plenty to see already. Plenty to buy.From dragons that honk to that Tarsier guy.Maybe a light hearted fool. Maybe a troll.Either way, out the stories did roll.

Out of this world? Out of this blog?This guy just tried to be a hog.New additions abound though. New additions came.But Cassie and I still remained the same.

I've killed plenty rolls. I've showed em how it's done.Nothing can stop my tp destroying fun.Speaking of which. Speaking of this.I think I'll go celebrate with some tp tearing bliss.

But before I skedaddle. Or just before I go.I spotted these and figured I'd show.Not very much color, but not zombie feet yucky.Isn't the things you find in nearly a decade of blogging ducky?
Thousands of comments. Thousands of rhymes.Making fun of humans. Making fun of mimes.Who knows if thousands more rhymes will come to pass,But even going into a decade, I'll forever remain a little rhyming ass.
We are almost a decade deep. How far are you at your keep? Been here a long time? A short time with my rhyme? One hasn't missed a comment on a post in years at my sea. Her mixed nuts must keep her coming back to me. So here's to nearing a full decade with many a blogging lad and lass. It's sure been a fun ride for my little rhyming ass.
Enjoy life, forget the strife.