Pat Hatt's Blog, page 9

A Placebo Broken Without A Token!

The cat will help today and you won't even need to pay. Of course if you would like to, the cat won't stop you. But I'll make you not a placebo case. Even if you are now giving the cat a funny face. Clouds shall fade but that is nature's trade. What about you? Sorry, not always true.

It will get better.Can I get that in a letter?For it can get worse.Excuse me while I curse.
I cursed at you?Are you sure that's true?Hey, you can believe it.It can get better or some shit.
Follow your passion.Is this still in fashion?This one we've told to hit the road.For it is a giant load.
Unless you like a cardboard box.All hippie dippie with no locks.Then follow blindly and see.I hope no rain comes to thee.
Never give up.What? This has a hiccup?Say it isn't so.Stop talking and let me go.
Head meets wall.But damn it all.Never give up.You just won the stalker cup.
Integrity will win out.Like the twist and shout?Is that still even a thing?Go ask the powerful king.
He is oh so great.Integrity is first...second...tenth rate.That says it all.Now who you gonna call?
Actions speak louder than words.Yeah, and so do my plopping turds.Nimrods galore taking action.Just ask the so and so faction.
Actions can't even talk.But idiots can walk the walk.Then stupid things come due.Actions through and through.
Got any you use that are dumb when really thought about? We all seem to spit them out. I could go on all day, but then your placebo would fully go away. I don't want to ruin rose colored glasses completely of all. That would just ruin your fall. Or make you fall as you say damn it all. That could be bad like gas. I think I'll now go pass some from my actionable little rhyming ass.
A placebo case can bring a happy face.

Out And About With A Pose Shout!

Fits just right. I think I'll spend the night.
"I think it still smells like it has too many germs."
Bah, don't be a downer, Cass. I'll rub mine across it with my little rhyming ass.
"Now I know I need to leave."

Wait. You should stop and smell the roses. Maybe do a few poses.

"Nah. Still smells like poop machine."

Now this is poop machine. I hope it's clean.
"Why do I put up with you?"
I said to pose. Don't have to smell a rose.
"Stop following me."

Not today. I will follow and stay.
"Nuisance."

Told you I would. Was it misunderstood?
"Go act like a wild cat and leave me alone."

Now I've got you. Dead at our zoo.
"Hmm. I shouldn't have said that. You do know it was never alive, right?"
Says you. I know what's true.

Like a condo for two. Me and you.
"I'll push you off the top."
Just pose away and I'll be on my way.

"Fine! Done."
Was that so hard? Now I'll go see what is out in the yard.

No squirrels today. Guess I'll pose too before all are on their way.
"Glory hog."
A cat post. Oh no! Hmmm...if you said that must not be used to our show. But just in case, here you are. A pose from one who chases a car. Trying to be a cat. How about that?

Ever tried to get someone to pose who refused? It can leave one rather amused. You can chase them about as they shout. Do you run from the camera like Cass? Bah, I'm good, as long as Pat can catch my poseable little rhyming ass.
Strike a pose through highs and lows.

Signs, Signs...

"Now what are you doing?"
Just looking out the window. Can't a guy sit on a windowsill?
"With you there is always something else."
Fine. Signs, signs...
"Just stop singing. You are worse than noisy poop machines."
Maybe that can be a sign. Something like these:

At least if you survive you won't suffer much.

Guess that is one way not to have people pee in the pool.

Isn't the last bit kinda redundant?

I think there is a few around here from the smell of things.

Wow. Everything is legal out in the woods.

But the sign is behind the fence and still safe.

Want to develop cool super powers...or cancer?

So...do you have to go through the poison ivy first?

Saw a bear and can still draw better than me.

May not know how long sanding goes, but you got the age of the pothole.
See any signs when you are out and about? Is that bad of the cat to have a dirty mind and let it out? Bah, I think any can take it at my sea. At least no zombie feet came to be. Now I will sign off and go pick on Cass. Can't have her getting on my little rhyming ass.

Hair is always a sure sign of a feline.

WEP: Normal Witch

I dislike making Mommy nervous, but I need to swing my legs this time. She doesn't have to swing along. It helps with this boring room and keeps me awake. The yucky paint looks like something Daddy did after work. He rushes everything these days. I wish he didn't work two jobs. I barely ever see him anymore. I miss him. And it is all this witch's fault. Why did she show up at our Halloween Harvest? Why couldn't she go to some other town's fair? Why did she pick me to put a spell on that day? What did I do to her?

I really want out of this boring room. I need to go play with my toys, but Mommy keeps bringing me back to this boring room. She keeps saying words with that other lady that are too big for me to understand. Then Mommy cries. They are like magic words. And now the lady has a big wart and cackles. She thinks she is funny, but I know the truth. She is a witch. She is happy when Mommy cries. She must be casting spells on Mommy to make her bring me here. This boring room where she makes me wait so long that I nap. Then she comes and steals my blood. It hurts, but I will never cry for her. No witchy spell will work on me.

Here she finally comes. She even started wearing a black robe. Maybe she has put a spell on so many people that she doesn't have to hide anymore. She may have stopped hiding, but I have something hidden that she'll never know about. I have Amy's coin in my pocket. I laughed when it broke up her love spell with that rocker dude. That icky kissing was getting old. She found it in his pocket and the kissing stopped. It breaks spells. If I had one for Mommy then we would never have to come here again. I could go out as Spider-Man for Halloween, but Mommy says I have to wait for next year thanks to the stupid witch.

Her smile means that today might be the day. She might finally stick me in her pot. I know it's hidden behind that curtain. She is rather scary. Good thing that wart makes her look super funny. I'll focus on that while my coin protects me. There is the wave. Now she has Mommy. I'm not moving willingly. No way. Should have moved. So embarrassing having Mommy carry me into her lair. I want to fight back, but that witch has zapped all my energy. Why can't Mommy see that and get us out of here?

Those papers must be from her spell book. She must be showing them to Mommy to keep her spell going. If only I could reach out and grab them. I'd flush them down the toilet. I would set them on fire, but Daddy won't let me have a lighter yet. Not like I meant to set Amy's old dollhouse on fire. Geez. I'm a year older now and they still don't trust me. Amy laughs, but she wasn't laughing then. She's a good sister though, unlike this witch.

Mommy always holds me so hard when we are here. It's like she thinks I could run away. Maybe if she took this witch's spell off me then I could. I so want to play baseball with my friends again. This witch needs to stop cackling and staring at me and let us go. Maybe Amy's coin is working on us both. Mommy isn't crying yet. Wow. Mommy is digging her nails into my arm. That hurts. Mommy is angry. Yes! Amy's coin worked. She is yelling at the witch. We are free.

All in my head? Nothing wrong? All tests normal? Why is Mommy repeating everything this witch says? Is it a new spell? The witch failed her spell. Mommy is yelling it. My ears sure are ringing, but the witch deserves it.

Mommy is letting go of me. Finally. Freedom. Darn, I'm slipping from her lap. Ouch. That hurt. The floor in her lair is as hard as a rock. Maybe the paper from her spells that Mommy just ripped up will make it a little softer. Oh no! Mommy is crying again. I wish I could get up and hug her. If the witch's spell would wear off on my arms, I could get up. Instead, Mommy has to pick me up while the witch watches. The witch looks scared. Go, Mommy. That's right. Let's get out of here forever.

Normal? Mommy, why do you keep muttering that word? I know what it means. I'm not that dumb. I did just beat a witch after all. Why are you calling Daddy? What? We are going to a more expensive witch in the city? No. Amy's coin failed on Mommy. It must have something to do with normal. Maybe that is the magic word of witches. I'll have to get Amy to help me find out. I have to get rid of normal from Mommy's head. Then Mommy and I will be better. Then I can play and not have to go to any more witches. Then I can go out as Spider-Man. Then Daddy can stay home. Then we can be really normal again.

Words: 894

There we are. That is what came on out. A bit different but scary in a whole other way. That is where my mind went this time. You just never know how things will flow. Thoughts?

Enjoy life, forget the strife.

Surprise!

There you are walking,Maybe even talking,Then out comes a bear.Surprise! You're medium rare.
There you are driving.So far you are surviving.Then you hear a noise.Surprise! Time to go to the car boys.
There you are working.Hopefully nothing to do with twerking.Then you get a call.Surprise! You get to stay and mop barf in the hall.
There you are playing.You even plan on staying.Then you feel a click.Surprise! You threw out your umm wick.
There you are paying.You had no intention of staying,But then comes the beep.Surprise! Your bank account was emptied by some creep.
There you are applying.This job is all about supplying.Then you get a call in.Surprise! Wait, porn's a sin?
There you are flying.In the seat you are lying.Then you hear a bang.Surprise! You crashed. Dang!
There you are showering.Have to make sure the toe growth isn't flowering.Then you see the brown water flowing.Surprise! Your septic backed up without you knowing.
There you are eating.Soon to be trick or treating.Then you feel the itch.Surprise! Allergies, ain't they a bitch.
There you are reading.My rhyme you are heeding.Then you see ain't.Surprise! At least it ain't finger paint.
Those all count as surprises, right? The cat would say so at our site. One nut tried to argue with us the other day. All surprises are good that come your way. Yep. Getting eaten by a bear and crashing in a plane is grand. My, what it must be like to live in la la land. Any surprises that are great your way? Any come that are crap and make you just want to hit replay? Surprise! I am done with my sass, which isn't really surprising from my little rhyming ass.

Surprise! That chocolate cake was really mud pies.

Question Period

The alien is back with questions. Not for him but for you humans. For he finds some things really strange. The cat admits that I do too, so I have no problem letting the alien go to it. The cat could ask the questions, but it is nap time, so I'll let the alien get to it. I'll also let Pat answer. Easy day for the cat.

Question Period
Have you ever been told something is normal by a so-called professional when normal is the farthest thing from the truth?

Don't you love that? You waste your time going there only to be told you are normal or that thing wrong with your car/house/whatever is normal and/or that they don't have the time to dig further into it and/or that you should be thankful that it's normal. Pfffffffft. Part of me just wants to push them out a window and when they hit the ground let them know that the pain they feel is normal.

Would you ever say to your kid, or any kid, that you are a forking waste of space and a forking drain on my time and if you don't forking eat this after making me climb these stairs you won't forking be eating anything again, little useless fork.

The day I say anything like that someone has my permission to take me out in the woods and shoot me. Actually heard it being said as I was out and about, and they didn't use fork. Poor kid acted like it was all normal too.

Have you ever called your spouse fat, worthless, wishing you never married them, and a whole host of other things like that?

Again, if I ever did that, kick my ass to the curb and let a car hit me. You have to be a complete douchebag to say that, man or woman. No amount of apologizing would get me to let you back in the door. And yep, heard that during my travels too.

Would you ever get a dog or cat just to starve it and leave it there?

If I did this, you could throw me in a cage and leave me there. If you don't like animals or don't want one, don't take on the responsibility. Easy as that. And yeah, seen this too, and let's just say they may or may not have got ratted out. Pssst, I did the former.

Have you ever wondered how some movies even get made as they are so disjointed and bad?

Yep. Some are like 50 writers went at the thing. Scenes don't even progress at any pace at all. Just slapped in here and there. Someone must have had a favor owed.

Would you ever say you are going to do something and then not do it?

Nope. I can say no with ease. So if I don't want to do it, no it is. But if I say I'll do something, then unless I croak or catch the plague, I'll damn well do it.

Have you ever dealt with someone who thought they were smart and pulling things over on you when really they were as obvious as can be and a childish asshole?

Dealt with a few. One stands out above the rest, but they have gotten so pathetic that it is now funny. Funny in a pathetic way. Too bad one can't rid them completely out of life. But to do that you'd have to be a hermit in the woods or rich and isolated. I could handle the latter.

And now my questions are through. Any questions from you? Do you have your own answers to any of the above? Would you give such douchebags the shove? Like a shove into traffic and such? Now I'm rhyming like the cat too much. It is catching on my alien ass. Feel free to answer or add questions in mass.

Question period signing off.

To Read Or Write Or Write And Read!

Can you do both at the same time? That would sure take skill. I guess I am writing and reading at the same time as I type this now. Would that qualify? No? It has to be someone else's? Hey, I do pretend to be a rhyming cat, so there is that. It is another voice. That must count. No? Stop looking at me. Or looking at my words. Unless you really are a peeper then go with the first. Unless...let's not get into that and get on with it. The question this month is:

It's been said that the benefits of becoming a writer who does not read is that all your ideas are new and original. Everything you do is an extension of yourself, instead of a mixture of you and another author. On the other hand, how can you expect other people to want your writing, if you don't enjoy reading? What are your thoughts?

Damn, you better watch it, you are becoming as wordy as me. That's like a statement and two questions. Would that be cheating? No one likes a cheater. So they say anyway. Who are they? We've been there. They are them. What? You asked for thoughts. You never really specified which thoughts. My thoughts right now are that I should have another handful of cashews. Even if it will give me the runs. And since I don't have to work on Sunday, that is okay. But if today was Sunday then that would be bad. I have no want to crap in the woods. Although it beats a nasty port a pottie.

Are you still looking at my words? Haven't lost you yet? Yeah, I think if you've suffered it out this many years then you're still here. Maybe I should flip to the other hand already. Is it different than my other hand? Hey, you asked on the other hand. Not me. Nope. The same. I guess we'll go back to my one semi-working hand. Oh, my thoughts are there now. Better get this out.

You don't have to enjoy anything to do a good job at it. Whether that be writing or a colonoscopy. Blame Al's post for the latter there. But if you enjoy it and experience others it can make you appreciate things more. Plus, there is the whole community aspect to it. Depends on one's time and tolerance, in many cases, for the community aspect though. Still not sure on how you would create joy out of a colonoscopy, but to each their own.

My thoughts are drifting toward poop machines making noises, so I guess that is all you are going to get. At least until the thoughts come back to it. Could be today, could be tomorrow, could be Uncle Pattie has to get back to babysitting as nap time is over. Could be I switched from first to third person too. I do that.

What are your thoughts? Note: I didn't specify. Note #2: Don't admit anything super bad. Note #3: Review the first note.

Enjoy life, forget the strife.

This Is For You...No Really, Really For You!

"Pffft I'd rather play in the germy ball tent. Dumb humans."
This post is for you.I did it so well.It just had to come due.You know it is swell.
You must comment and stay.Time it to the end.Why won't you play?Don't you like my trend?
It is a trend, you know.Could be the best.Out comes my flow.It passes the test.
You don't want to fail.You want to get an A.So don't hit the trail.Come and read what I say.
If you miss out it'll be bad.You'll lose out on...something.So stay at my pad.At least until you hear the ding.
That means you're a winner.You won time with the cat.Nope. Not even a dinner.Who needs any of that?
Instead you'll get pleasure.That is ever so great.Every moment you can treasure.So come and take the bait.
This post is for you.It was designed to be so.Every word is true.Come and stroke your ego.
That's what it is about.That's what you need.I won't let you out.You're stuck to my feed.
Now do what is for you.If not, others may suffer.You may miss out too.Don't make another's life tougher.
Did it work? Is the guilt trip a perk? Are you now stuck to the cat? Pfffft. I'll leave something in the litterbox to get rid of that. Do you fall for such crap? It makes me want to take a nap. Or laugh in their face. The first may be a better embrace. Can't guilt trip us. We'll ignore your fuss. If we want to then we will. Otherwise one is better off rolling down a steep hill. Such guilt trip nuts can simply suck on the gas that comes out my little rhyming ass.
A stadium can be built all on guilt.

Just One More Then One More Then...

When you look at that do you count the clouds you see? Does your imagination fly free? Do you see what you can see? Are you counting and having a freak out before you flee? Maybe you focus on the tree. My, there are a lot of them to scare thee. Where is the cat going? You'll figure it out, maybe, by the end of this showing.
Little by little.Day by day.Plenty of spittle.A shine from spray.
One number too many.One number too low.One freaks out any.One goes with the flow.
A line in the sand.A creation of numbers.Crawl instead of stand.Lose many night slumbers.
All due to large.Nope. All due to you.You left numbers in charge.So away you stew.
One step is easy.5000 a chore.500 people make you queasy.5 is a bore.
Stuck on the zeroes.Stuck on the high.Too many are for heroes. With you it won't fly.
Look at the high.Look and then look.You'll just die.Curl up in your nook.
But 5 is a breeze.10 isn't so bad.11 won't make you sneeze.With 16 fun can be had.
One more step ahead.One more attendee.One more has no dread.One more is carefree.
A different look.A different state.Another chapter in a book.Not such a debilitating state.
Are you one of those? Catch on to the cat's highs and lows? Can you talk in front of 5 but not 50? Is 5 steps ok but 5000 not nifty? Do you look at the numbers and then just freak out? What's that about? One step, one word, one whatever, and you are closer to being done. Day by day it is spun. And if a few more are in view, can just think of it like a few more too. Or if all else fails act crazy and roll in the grass. It works for my little rhyming ass.

The high and low doesn't have to define yes or no.

In Hiding Without Hiding!

The cat has been away for almost two weeks. Someone is going to go into some shit creeks. Wait! We already did that. No more wanted by Pat or cat. We can't take it. Not one bit.


"Someone is a drama queen."
Says the one who won't eat for Nanny.
"At least I don't eat everything going."
You should try it sometime.
"Not on your life, fake rhyming cat."
Missing out. Where were we? Oh yeah.

Pat left this early. THIS friggin early every day. Why?

Because the roads became rivers. It made people dance. What was so bad about that?

A tree fell here and there. This twig. Pffft.

Hmmm. That twig may hurt.

Hmm a bit bigger than a twig.

But bah, these guys can take care of it. Just shoot the tree. All better.

Hmm may want to watch the line.

And these lines.

And these ones too.

And...oh they took my advice. War zone.

Damn, they nailed that tree.

Sure a big old hole.

Ah. Caught him. So this is where Pat really was. He was hanging out with dogs. Big dogs. How FRIGGIN rude.
"Idiot."
Quiet, Cassie. No one is talking to you or the dog lover.
"Everything is always about you. Not the 402,000 out of power. Brat."
Go away or I'll feed you to that big dog.
Yep, Pat was supposedly out and about while 402,000 people gave a no power shout. Some didn't have it for a week or so. But everything and everyone was go go go. Should be getting back into the swing of things soon. Like maybe Sunday at noon. Sleep is on the agenda for now. I still say he was with dogs somehow. Can't you see the proof above? He is giving dogs love. Left me for 14- 16 hours a day with only Cass. Pffft can only take so much of her with my little rhyming ass.
Don't lose power in a hurricane shower.