Pat Hatt's Blog, page 5

Off The Reservation!

There I was lying on the floor.There was an interloper right next door.I was prepared to make him run,But that wasn't how the day was done.

Instead I had to go get Cass.She had to help my rhyming ass.Pat had vanished from our sea.We had to find him so he could feed me.

I quickly spotted the culprit pair.At least I thought so at our lair.So I went in for a closer look.Turns out they quickly got off the hook.

They were more interested in me.They didn't make Pat leave or flee.Plus, they kinda maybe sorta stunk.They would just put Pat in a funk.

They joined our search as all mutts would.Trying to prove they are great and understood.But hey, they helped out a little bit.I can take it even if they do eat umm spit.

Cassie and I then ventured out.These three made us stop and shout.Social distancing and all of that.It was like talking to a wall or a wooden bat.

So we bit the bullet and went there.That little poop machine was unaware.He just wanted to play in the mud.Sorry, we ain't gonna join you, bud.

That was when we saw this mutt.He was still mad I bit him on the butt.But he spilled all after whining about his caboose.He said he saw Pat taken by a giant goose.

At first I thought him to be a nut,But these guys backed up the wiener mutt.He was a bit off on his claim though.Humans in white were Pat's true foe.

So we did what anyone would do.We scurried home to find these two.They were fighting over who would drive.Somehow I don't think either would survive.

They agreed to help break Pat free.They started digging a tunnel so he could flee.But they were just my clever distraction.I put the true digging into action.

I found his little rubber room.That place must sure spell doom.Cassie watched for any guards.We freed him and ran across many yards.

Then we needed a little break.A nap we just had to take.But we shouldn't have done that.Now we always need to keep an eye on Pat.

For he went and did this.The rubber room people will know something is amiss.So it was time to lock him down.No longer will he and his crazy wander town.

The mutts took the bones away.They are good for a few things at their bay.They chewed the thing to bits.I hope they don't get the shits.

And as for Cassie and little old me.Now we have to take turns at our sea.Always watching that crazy Pat.If only I didn't need him to feed and scoop and things like that.
Have you ever been taken away? Do you believe what Pat did at our bay? Has he really cracked? Maybe next we'll be attacked. Or maybe it will sell some books. Could get more crazy to take looks. Crazy follows crazy they say. Sure will avoid that fray. Oh, and Bijoux just so you know, we're always watching high and low. Just with a creepy little stare. So you had better beware. Had to add that in as I sit back there at our loony bin. And now I have to swap with Cass and go rest my jail breaking little rhyming ass.
Crazy all the way. Beats normal any day.

Ritual In Waiting!

Can a ritual wait? Would you say it's late for a date? Would that be a rabbit with a bad habit? Would that habit be bad? I think it may at our pad. But that is just me. I'm letting the rhyme fly free. I can stop though. See? Told you so. Now I did. All done, Kid. Or not. Guess that is just the plot. A hole to fill. Now let's fit the bill. Fit the bill to what? Let's get on with it at our hut.

Do you have any rituals that you use when you need help getting into the ZONE? Care to share?

The zone? Do I have to do a dance to get in? Is there a secret handshake? A password? Like Tahiti? Is the best ritual the one that gets you in? Is it like the Bermuda Triangle? Care to share? Inquiring minds want to know.

Would you take that as a no? Or would you just take that as a crazy person typing what popped into his crazy head? I don't know why I'm asking as you can't answer right away. That is just weird, isn't it? Like a text that sits on your phone for ages and then you respond. Not sure why that went there, but it did. Does it even make sense? Another question. I guess I should stick to rhyming. At least I have flow as the crazy is given a go.

                                                   Exciting happenings at IWSG. Have a look!

Did you guess which one it is? Do you have any rituals before you write? Cook? Workout? Use the bathroom? Hey, some kids do on the latter. The cat does too. Whatever works. And yeah, the answer is no. Just in case you couldn't find it. I just sit and write away. No rituals at all.

Enjoy life, forget the strife.

And We're Busted!

Pictures say a lot.No matter how they are caught.Pics are all we got too.We're toast at our zoo.

Fluck this phone crap.I'll leave that to another chap.One and only time.So suck it phone chime.

Did you figure it out?It's dead as a beached trout.The computer died.Had its last ride.

After 8 hours a day on a phone,No way are we answering at the tone.New one is in the mail.Let's hope it doesn't fail.

The cat will now rest.Phone typing is a pest.I'll be back soon with sass,From my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a stay at home fling.

A Few Thursday Thoughts

I suppose since humans have lost their senses that maybe I'll just put some thoughts in.
"Did humans have any to begin with though? I don't know."
I know you don't.
"Hey! I have more sense than those mutts at our bay."
I suppose. At least you haven't tried to ever eat your own poop.
"Says the one who ate my hairball. So nasty at our all."
Moving on with...
Magic Dates!!!
Humans are still stuck on magic, and not in the good way. With this Covid 19 thing going around you can see it all the more. They want a magic date when all will be normal. Magically one will appear. It HAS TO! Even head crybaby, blowhard, orange buffoon tries to pull one out of his ass. A few of which have magically passed us by. Still stuck. Sorry! 
It doesn't matter if it is this virus, your birthday, the day you stubbed your toe on a giant lizard, or the day you peed the bed. The day doesn't become magic. Good or bad isn't going to happen to you on that day because of magic. It will happen because of circumstances or because you make it happen. Depends on what it is. You can make the day be "magic" by going out and making yourself meet a new mate. But you can't pick a magic day to make something like the virus vanish. There isn't going to magically be a day where normal returns. We're stuck with this normal for a while. 
"Maybe they'll invent time travel so this magic day they can unravel."
Humans still think that is possible. Sad.
"The Avengers did it. Can't argue with a hit."
Can too. That is easy to do. Wanna see?
Star In Development
Humans tend to fanboy out on things way too much and argue like a bunch of little toddlers. Actually, that may be offending toddlers. You can't please everyone, as if you try to do that then you fail miserably before you start. Still, people who have nothing to do with anything think they own said fiction that was created by someone they have probably never even met. Yes. It is because of you that they are able to do it because you pay to see it, but you also pay a parking fee. Do you own the garage? The space? The meter? Nope! Those things are there because you use them too. If you didn't then they wouldn't be there.
An opinion is one thing, as they are like assholes, but ramming it down another's throat is something else. Star Wars nuts are sure one. Dislike it and they throw a fit. Like it and they throw a fit. They own it after all. Pfffft. And then it goes back to creators trying to appease all and failing miserably thanks to all the whiners. You don't own it, you don't need others to agree with your opinion to feel better or justified, and you should do what many regular folks are saying to celebrities, which is, your opinion is no more important than anyone elses, so do your job and shut up.
"Geez, humans really need to get a grip. They may need a funny farm trip."
The planet is one big funny farm.
"Couldn't they say you gave an opinion too at our zoo?"
That they can and will. That is what it is. Like it or lump it just move the fluck on.
"Stole my word. How absurd."
More like manipulated the original word like you did already.
Manipulation
A lot of this going on day by day with all the media play. Again, they want you to believe what they say. A bit different than fanboys, but it is similar in some instances. The same stats can say that 2 people died of a disease because they had diseases already or that 200 people died of the disease and ignore the stuff they already had. Which is right? Seems to come down to whoever can ram it down your throat the best these days. Toss the "junk" data and get the conclusion you wanted even before you started. The one that sells. The one that gets clicks. The one that riles people up. Truth? Pffft. Who needs that? It doesn't bring in the $$$$.
And that is just stats and egos. Manipulation stretches from emotions to crime to out and out scams. A lot comes back to power, ego, and/or $$$$ no matter the manipulation. Heck, I could use photoshop and show you claws typing the keyboard. I may only fool five year old kiddos, but that is still a sort of manipulation. Add in a book link at the end that claims your cat can learn it too and VIOLA!! The variables are endless. Everyone is manipulated 100 ways every day in some way. Except maybe if you lock yourself in a closet and don't leave for 24 hours, then you may beat out a day. One just has to not believe everything they are told. No matter the side it is coming from. Agendas run high.
"That they do. Do you have one too?"
Just to get rid of you.
"Pffft. You'll never do that. Now I'll end it for Cassie cat."
You do that.
And that is that. Way to go, Cassie cat. Are you going to go all fanboy now? Do you think Star Wars was wow? Couldn't stand the last two. Sooooooooooooo boring and repetitive to our zoo. But to each their own. Each person likes a different tone. Are you back on the magic date? Are you ready to find a mate? May be screwed on that. Were you manipulated by a stat? A cat? An orange dingbat? Could be a lot to take in in mass. I better go let you do that while I rest my little rhyming ass.

The blind leading the blind = mankind.

Under The Influence...r

Sitting high. Sitting low.One's for me, don't you know.Unless you don't. Then you won't.But I can change won't to don't.
Maybe can. Maybe can't.There is a kinda slippery slant.Could use slant. Could use slope.Maybe slape if they elope.
Slape's the way. Slape's the best.You'll now use it like all the rest.Why is that? Why you say?Don't ask why and just slape away.
Say it often. Say it quiet.If you're loud slape may riot.So let it flow. Let it sink.If you don't, you'll go down the drink.
No time to think. No time to master.Either or is like drying plaster.So say it with her. So say it with him.If you don't, you'll be out on a limb.
The limb will snap. Down you'll fall.You'll be the slapeless one of all.Slapeless and bare. Slapeless and free.You'll even be slapeless when you pee.
So be a sheep. Be a cow.Either one doesn't meow.Although one regurgitates and eats twice.The slapeless mass may find that nice.
So regurgitate one. Regurgitate all.Follow the little bouncy ball.The one I started. The one I threw.For I have just influenced you. 
Influenced today. Influenced now.What hooked it was the regurgitating cow. I know my stuff. I know your wants.These are for more than merely taunts.
For I'm on top. For I'm the eyes.Both of which must mean I'm wise.Slapeless commands. Slapeless is vital.As now I can put influencer in my title.
Are you going to be a slapeless using horde now? What? You didn't like being called a cow? But but but I'm an influencer at my sea. You have to believe everything from me. Pfffffffffft is the way. I see that stupid word on many a display. And they usually have 100 followers or so. My, an influencing they sure can go. Maybe they are influencing their mutt. After all, they eat poop and sniff a butt. See any influencers at your sea? Every hear the word set free? I think I'll stick to my usual way of sass and stay a not so slapeless little rhyming ass.

Influence with an R means you'll go far.

Who Goes There?

Who dares try to take my toilet paper? I peed on the floor of the grocery store and made an old lady slip just to get there before her to get this. Note(just because humans are now super crazy and may believe it): That isn't true. It's not hard to get here, but it sounds more fun to the cat. What isn't fun is listening to you humans whine that you're bored or whatever. Most of you clearly aren't clever. Bored and safe at home or un-bored and dead, or causing someone else to be dead, because you roam. Hmmmm. And you are even so crazy that I can get away with using un-bored these days. Oh the craze.
Who goes there? Who goes there?Not a freak. Not a friend. Not a fly on the wall.Who goes there? Who goes there?Not a date. Not a stalker. No one at all.
Who goes there? Who goes there?Only little old you and maybe the mailman too.Who goes there? Who goes there?No magic. No normal. Are you quite through?
What is this? What is this?The new norm. The new way.What is this? What is this?Whine all you want, you are home to stay.
What is this? What is this?A virus. A news update. A typical day.What is this? What is this?A repeat. A redo. Just you on replay.
When is it over? When is it done?Go talk to rover. Actually, I will. He's more fun.When is it over? When is it done?Must you ask that to each and everyone.
When is it done? When is it over?Switch and swap. Swap and switch.When is it done? When is it over?It ain't gonna change no matter how much you bitch.
What can I do? What can I do?Maybe go in the corner and stare at a shoe.What can I do? What can I do?Maybe dip it in ketchup and begin to chew.
What can I do? What can I do?Try not to choke on that tasty old shoe.What can I do? What can I do?If you get through one then try for two.
Who goes there? Who goes there?Voice to spare. Time to speak.Who goes there? Who goes there?No one at all. They aren't playing hide and seek.
Who goes there? Who goes there?Wish it and want it but still little old you.Who goes there? Who goes there?Not a soul. Not a car. Just you with no clue.
What? Puppy advertising? How did that get there? These really are strange times.
The cat has to poke fun at antsy humans. They are just too easy not to do it. It's like you are being asked to walk through glass while being shot at and attacked by hungry bears. Staying home is easy compared to many many things. And what is the point of having ass wipe if you have no food to eat and thus wouldn't use said ass wipe? Did brains go out the window too? Are you expecting this to get over with today? Tomorrow? Next week? I think you may have to realize for a while the world is up the creek. But then aliens could come down and cure it all for us. You never know.

Things still safe and sound at your show? Are you whining away? May not want to tell me as I'll make fun at my bay. And now that my poking fun has come to pass, I'll go back to napping inside with my little rhyming ass.

Who goes there has sure become rare.

Around The World

Have you gone around the world? If so, did you fall off? You know those flat earther nutballs are still a thing. If you didn't fall off would it be Squared The World? Rectangled The World? They don't have the same ring. Guess that is another one in the loss column for the flat earther crazies. Maybe they think a giant will come down and flatten the planet. You never know these days. On with the question before I give them any new ideas.

The IWSG’s focus is on our writers. Each month, from all over the globe, we are a united group sharing our insecurities, our troubles, and our pain. So, in this time when our world is in crisis with the covid-19 pandemic, our optional question this month is: how are things in your world?

Also just a little fyi, the judges and genre for IWSG's next anthology have been announced too.
Well damn, I own my own world? I never knew that. It must be super tiny because I can't see it. Maybe the cat ate it. Or the puppy ate it once he hawked it up. My world is always out of reach. Or I guess if it comes out the other end would that make it full of umm shit? What? I got lots of TP if that's the case, so no big deal.

As far as things...they are still in place. I did move the litter box to get any litter out from behind it. I moved the bed to make it. But then I put them both back. So things I'd say are where they should be. What? Why do you keep rolling your eyes at me? Yes, I can see you. Now you looked. Gotta love the paranoia of stir crazy, huh?

Life here is the same as in many parts of the world. (WAIT!!! If the world has parts then who gets to be the private areas? It's a valid question.) Inside is where we be unless the 9-5 calls or groceries are needed. And we are so far virus free at our sea, hopefully it stays that way and no germy neighbors cough too close. Other than that here we be with puppies and writing and cats in a tree.

How are things in your part of the world? Do you live in the private parts? Does it get tingly there? Got a good stash of TP? Are you all virus free? Hopefully so, and hopefully all are keeping their ass indoors like they are supposed to so we can get this crap over with sooner rather than later.

Enjoy life, forget the strife.

The Elusive On Display Here Today!

Day 5 of staying indoors has provided this post. After a bit, quite a bit actually, I guess it is time to release another new novel. And why not do that and end another trilogy at the same time? Double win, right? And here we are:

Click here for a peer!
After thinking their long struggle had come to an end, Sally, Travis, and the others are thrust into more danger than ever before. Hunted by the Breacher Task Force and once again trapped in Queens County, they realize their battle has just begun.
New mysteries cause more questions than answers forcing the group to once again rely on their strength as a team to survive. As they fight to free themselves from Breacher Task Force grasp, they soon discover new worlds, new allies, the return of old threats, and an evil unlike any they have experienced looming over them.
The final battle has begun and The Disconnective are tossed into a fight like they have never experienced before. Armed with only their Tree of Wisdom weapons and their past knowledge, now they must save themselves, save their plane, and save existence as they know it before all they hold dear is destroyed forever.
And here are the first two just in case you forgot.

Click Here For A Peer
Click Here For A Peer
How does that sound? This is the end of the trilogy I started a while back. All three books were done before the first ever came out. At least written, still needed to be edited up the ying yang. So now my second trilogy has fully come to pass, along with a 9 book series and some one offs, and another non-rhyming novel has been released by my little rhyming ass.

Take a look at the book!

Human To Go Out On Loan!

First he brings home these.The pair of them are worse than fleas.But I deal with their crap.Literally, as I'm a nice chap.

Then he brings these.They actually have fleas.Or can get them at least.On them I want to feast.

Then he keeps the tp in plastic.That just isn't fantastic.I can't eat it then.Rough times at our den.

Then he lets them in.I take em for a spin.But he won't let me chew.What is a cat to do?

Let Cassie kill it.That may not be a hit.She has mellowed out.Still, she is not a fan of them about.

Then he doubles down.Poop machines and puppies in town.How can this be?And now...now I'm no longer free.

Here I have to sit.I can't have a fit.I can't have fun.I barely have room to run.

Wait. I lied.I run when they come to my side.Run right after the fluffballs.I chase em down the halls.

Or just sit and stare.See? No running there.This one is kinda, maybe, sorta my buddy now.Still it is beneath me because it can't meow.

Come and save the cat.Take out the human, Pat.Please, so I can have some fun.He sits here and I can't get nothing done.
Are your humans all home too? What is a cat to do? Can't even chew some tp these days. What is this craze? He watches my every move. He has thrown off my groove. We'll rent him out until it is over. He is good with kid, cat, and rover. Don't worry, Nanny will feed us. There is no need to fuss. I know. I know. Home is where humans need to be. But he even watches me pee. How rude is that? I'm a stir crazy cat. I think I'll go leave him some gas. Maybe then he'll stop watching my little rhyming ass.

Stay on in even if it's a loony bin.

Now that the cat's complaining is out of the way. How is everything in your part of the blogland world? Staying in and safe? We hope all is as good as it can be and that you got a good stash of TP.

Round Whatever With Another Endeavor!

You humans are as wacko as can be. At least some of the ones that find me. I'll let them do the talking while I get some chow. Some of them are really wow. And yeah, too busy eating to check what round this is. But it's not like there will be a quiz.
don't get squirrelly
Okay. I won't today.
did betsy woodruff appear on back from the edge
Why are you asking me? Does it look like I have secrets hidden where I pee?
to operate in bad fate
I think you are a little bit off. Those fates may scoff.
odds on second one mentioned to mak
Are these Vegas odds? Are we supposed to ask aliens in pods?
what is tha meening of getting
Umm to receive. If you can't get that you better leave.
men with parthenophobia
So that is how you send humans running? Or to jail. Win win if one is sunning.
kids stories cat pat hat
Thanks for the stop by. Even if for that Pat guy.
the truth is up there
It is? I don't want the truth if it's all up in my biz.
ducky stowe blog
If it looks like a cat and it acts like a cat, it's not a duck where you're at.
pestrest
Yes, pest. Give it a rest.
plank yanker
Do you want to be a yanker? Or are you just a wanker?
take a hike bike shop
Can't help you there. So take a hike from our lair.
pat pucky
Yeah, he tends to be full of shit. We had to say it.
humans can be foolish ass little creatures
You'll get no argument from me. I wonder what you found when you let that fly free.
And the winner of the day sure must want some cheery Christmas at their bay. Maybe it is a Santa to watch out for. A different kind of jolly they may have in store.
+did jollynold st nicholas run around with whores
Sorry, can't help you there. I'm sure you can find those facts somewhere. Did you put the + there so you wouldn't get struck down? Those saints may not like you spreading their business all over town. Even if they already did that. That just slipped out of the cat. Got any good searches lately at your sea? Some are strange, but more are just eye roll worthy this time that found me. At least I can still give them some sass as they accidentally find my little rhyming ass.

Search engine nuts can sure get into ruts.