Pat Hatt's Blog, page 254

Causing The Back Some Unwanted Flack!

You act all tame and smile with a wave.
Searching for blame, it's info you crave.
Shoving your nose where it doesn't belong.
Cackling like crows chowing on a ding dong.

Knee jiggling with delight as they leave.
When out of sight you bob and weave.
Have you heard this? Have you heard that?
Acting like it's bliss while being an annoying gnat.

Finding out more which you'll never tell.
Pace up and down the floor clutching your cell.
Speed typing the news to those unaware.
Away your paws cruise like a dirty old mare.

Sneeking off at the drop of a ring.
A fake cough is all that you sling.
Like a canary your flutter and sing.
Without even a stutter you let the news fling.

So much for your word and worth.
You sung like a bird and it's all over earth.
In like a gust you sit beginning to fiddle,
But your info lust puts you back in the middle.

The typing you stop and perk up your ear.
For a new gossip crop has been heard near.
Back on the phone you go with a dash.
By your tone you sound worse than trailer park trash.

But oh no, never ever you.
You simply glow with your perky view.
Your trusting eyes would never lie.
Until all are no longer wise then off you fly.

What's this more news one wishes to share?
You have the blues and something you can't bare?
Tell little old me and all will be fine.
Even with crossed knee my word is divine.

That is a big deal and no one will know.
Don't worry we had a deal and your secret I won't blow.
Until you leave my sight and no longer linger.
Then your plight will be texted out with my rapid finger.

What? It surely wasn't me that spread that.
You are a nut. I'm no dirty rat.
The info spread around was fake?
I swear what I read was how to bake a cake.

The cat or rather Pat watches each day as a certain person listens to whatever one has to say. Pretending she would never tell and then off the person goes with their cell. So for a little fun some miss information was spun. This person got what they deserve from Pat's little info swerve. So fun to stir up shit especially when gossip hounds deserve it. Hate nosey old bats. Yes, they even bother cats. The person sure got some sass which was such fun to cause by my little rhying ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Thrown For A Loop With The Bloop!

So what is the bloop?
Something from Goof Troop?
Nope, it was a sound,
That was rather profound.

In the summer of 1997,
The NOAA which I won't leaven,
Recorded a frequency form the deep,
Of the Pacific Ocean keep.

All man made objects were ruled out,
And supposedly did not create this shout.
Even geological sounds were crossed off,
And it certaintly wasn't a cat cough.

It was a sound,
That was so profound.
That is was several times louder,
Coming off more prouder,
Than the loudest known biological sound ever.
Which makes it for quite the interesting endeavor.
Many have said it was a giant sea monsters noise,
Who knows if it was sobbing or calling out joys.

But to go along with that,
Is the spot where it was heard in the Pacific mat.
It is roughly the same place,
Where H.P. Lovecraft said R'lyeh was the case.

And another little fact,
Is both R'lyen and this sound act,
Are at the Pacific pole of inaccessibility in the ocean.
So it would be hard for anyone to find the commotion.

And the perfect spot for a creature to hide,
Where it and the land mass of R'lyen were said to collide.
The beast was said to be caged down there.
But who knows if it was kept at bay in such a lair.

So there is another little tidbit for today.
A sea creature very well could live far far away.
One louder than any known to man,
And one who would surely make you kick the can.

Avoid such a mass,
Whether lad or lass,
Or you could be through,
Making you giant sea creature stew.

The cat found this bloop the other day and had to give it a go at his bay. Sounds much meaner than Nessie too. I would not want this near my zoo. Now another lesson has come due class and that is all from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

For A dVerse Buck You Get A Great Big Suck!

So the cat needs to give you humans some lip for this dVerse trip. You need to get your act together and stop changing your minds like the weather. Or maybe just stop lying but that might cause many a brain to end up frying.

The cat sees the news,
Stating it can't lose.
This will be the movie of the year.
Turns out it is something to fear.

Oh look it's Resident Evil 6.
That game will be in all top picks.
Turns out it's trash,
Leaving you with a bad rash.

Sure there is the odd nut,
That will like such things at their hut.
Opinions are assholes I suppose.
Wait! Is that how that goes?

But when the majority claim,
It will be something of fame,
Then the movie or game,
Turns out to be oh so lame,

To all who cried out for it,
Giving them a big fit.
Seems there is something to it.
Maybe they didn't add enough spit?

Or too much polish and shine,
Making it less than divine.
Goes for anything though,
That can curl your toes.

Next big thing just flopped,
That has to sting that it dropped.
Maybe the anticipation is to high?
But some things at least get a good cry.

Not totally sucky as hell,
And end up being swell.
Maybe they know it will suck,
And give off some "it will be grand" cluck.

That way they can sell it before all know,
And realize their lying flow.
Does this bring us back to greed?
Just them planting the seed,

When they know it is trash,
And will be over in a flash.
All kinds of questions arise,
But a word to the wise.

Tell the hype to pound sand,
For protesting too much and making such a stand,
Usually only means one thing,
In the trash you'll want to give it a fling.

There we go the cat has stirred up some strat at his show and now all can think. I hope I did not bring you to the brink. Actually that might be fun. So if it was done, don't blame the cat, we'll blame this one on Pat. Or maybe Cass because it certainly can't be blamed on my hyped up little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Taking The Title To Heart And Making It Art!

So the cat has done movies by the ton but I have not given the future ones a run. The ones that will come years down the road. But now I will spoil them for you and give you them by the bucket load.

There will be Godzilla Vs. Eggman
Followed by Attack of the Deranged Fan.
Next will come Mommy I Saw Santa's Bum.
Leading to Super Cramps from a Plum.

Frankenstein Meets The Fockers,
What Girls Keep In Their Lockers.
Scooby Doo and the Killer Butterfly.
How To Make Babies Cry.

Stupid and Stupider will show.
Who Stole My Ding Dong? will hit a new low.
I Saw Saw will be scene.
Writing With Body Parts will be obscene.

Drowning Monkeys For Fun.
Attack of the Aliens from the Sun.
Why Playdoh Made Me Kill.
How Sally Got Her Thrill.

Waking Up will put you to sleep.
Just as much as Slippery Heroes of the Deep.
Gust of the Wind will inspire.
As will Singed By Fire.

This Film Isn't About Money.
99 Things To Do With Honey.
It Was The One Eared Man.
The Second Attack From A Deranged Fan.

Clobber The Vendor will rise.
Unlike Nature's Weirdest Cries.
Lying will take place in I Tell No Lies.
But all will boo hoo watching the Death of French Fries.

Clapping Makes Your Hands Sore.
Bigfoot's Deadly Gore.
The Hinge Popped Off.
Triakporlakotusisus: The Deadly Cough.

I guess I failed at I'll Never Tell.
Not as much as Underwear to Take to Hell.
Gypsies Cursed My Neighbor will fail.
Along with Zeus Struck Me Down with Hail.

Swinging With Mr. Grubber.
I Should Have Wore a Rubber.
Lethal Dimes That Curse.
Purple Nurples Are Diverse.

Clearly You Get The Point.
The Man With One Joint.
Are We Having Fun Yet?
Fluffy The Talking Pet.

Do You Like My Powers?
Revenge of the Flowers.
Knowledge in Full Bloom.
Brings forth Doom and Gloom.

Now don't you just want to hyperventilate into a bag? Or burn down Hollywood with a rag? Either way I suppose such a view would really bother you. Funny part is I bet half will come and you'll curse my little rhyming bum. But the retread is something they can't help but do. For they have no balls to bring us something new. I guess they are snip snip as well. I hope it hurt like hell. Now I have shown you the future movie world in mass. So you can prepare thanks to my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

You Had To Know This Would Show!

So dVerse is talking about preparation and Brian already stole the H cremation. So the cat will go ahead a bit to prepare for the rantings of some BIG twit.

The groceries are half gone,
With the approaching dawn.
The water is low,
No generator at my show.

The gas tank is almost bare,
The tp I continue to tear.
Still no idea how to do this or that,
Have not even stocked up on rat.

Not even tons of books to view.
Or even a game or two,
Like Clue,
Which many seriously need to come due.

But I did a ton,
To prepare for such acts under the sun.
I bought some things,
And differed the payment rings.

I forwent the wrapping,
It could come a tapping.
I got caught up on some TV,
Have to know how it ends at my sea.

I wrote another couple posts,
Giving me into March boasts.
Pat keeps going to work,
Now that has to annoy such a senile jerk.

Because oopsy, what is the point?
They say with their nose out of joint.
Stocked up to the brim,
For a day when things will get grim.

Laughing like Y2K,
Which faded away.
For oh my,
Down will come the sky.

Poor Chicken Little was right,
A cartoon on paper that took flight.
Wow, what a dead tree can do.
It can predict much for me and you.

Just like some moron in this day in age,
Who wrote up some conspiracy page,
After fail and fail again,
Because of an end to the writing of dead men.

So prepared for it, I surely am at my sea.
I'm prepared to get up and have a pee.
Then eat a snack,
And go once again to my work shack.

For when the 21st comes, it will shut up all those idiots with their world ending hums. Until they find some other mythical crap that will be believed by each chap. The cat will just smile for a whole mile. They have less brain cells than a bass and surely nowhere near the amount of my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Another Name For The Oh So Lame!

So everyone has been there even the cat at his lair. Do you know how much of a pain it is to pick the lint from my toes? That just causes the cat woes. Not to mention licking elsewhere. But we will move on from that at my lair. For it is all about the shit work that is surely not a perk.

Repetitive crap,
Is sure on tap.
Given by a lazy ass,
The buck gets a pass.

Stops on you,
Sticks like glue.
Bounces off of me,
Oops, that's a different rhyming sea.

But it is there,
At your work lair.
All you do is glare,
At the work of a mare.

Or donkey I suppose,
Ass if you are truly caused woes.
What else could it be?
A blood sucking flea?

A little worker bee?
The swing in a tree.
You're the board,
Getting rode like a Ford.

Hmmm won't go there,
I will let your mind become self aware.
A pot hole filler?
Sounds like a thriller.

Staple, stuff, staple, stuff.
Damn, you got it rough.
575 of them you say?
Yeah, that would cause display.

Maybe Santa's elf,
Putting toys on the shelf?
That wouldn't work,
You grumble without even a smirk.

You could be the nail,
Be hammered into an endless jail.
Where loads of crap just flows,
From your head to your toes.

The dam then breaks,
Flooding all the lakes.
You rust and erode,
Then get croaked at by a toad.

That might do.
Too bad one couldn't erode the glue.
And heave it at the buck passing loon,
Burying them in their own donkey work sand dune.

That would be grand.
Then could come the pound sand.
Or piss up a rope.
One can only hope.

Yeah, the donkey work comes by the ton as the end of the year gives a run. The cat is glad he can leave that to Pat. For the lint in my toes seems fine compared to that. I even get to sleep and talk crass. I am such a lucky little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

It's The Cry That Rings Out Why?

Once more I have to go on about the Flap as she just will not shut her damn trap. But thankfully she isn't around much anymore. I guess that is why old Flappy has to make up for it with more yapping at Pat's work shore.

"You're still here! That guy said you quit a month a go."

Hmm so I guess the cleaner decided to get meaner and said Pat quit. Maybe he was trying to save him from a Flappy fit.

"I can't believe he said that. I knew I saw you less than a month ago. I can't believe he said that."

That went on for a while. She does have the brains of a dung pile. So I am willing to bet she heard him wrong but she kept on singing the same old song.

"Why would he say that? Who was he? That guy, why would he say that?"

Not that Pat really cared one bit. Anyone would be glad to get rid of that nitwit. Sadly it just back fired though and she went on and on at his work show.

"Girls that is what he said? He said that right. He said he was gone, right?"

They all nodded like they wanted her to shut up too. I think for her own safety they should lock her in a zoo. She could be like those monkeys that make noises and throw their own crap. Except she'd flap and spit on some poor chap.

"See they agree with me. He said that. I can't believe he said that. Why do you think he said that?"

First guess would be to shut you up. Or he too has the brains of the pup. But the former is what I am leaning toward. He just wanted to get rid of you and your makeup drenched horde.

"You say he's the cleaner? Why would he say that? Why did the cleaner say that. It makes no sense, why did he say that?"

If I have to type why once more I would be even more tempted to stab her in the eye at Pat's work shore. Of course being a cat it wouldn't be hard to do that. Just jump and poke her in the eye. My claw would surely make her cry and end the why on the first try.

"Are you going to tell anyone he said that? I think you should tell he said that. Maybe I will just have to tell he said that. Why would he say that?"

Stupid cleaner had to go and stir her up at Pat's work show. All he wanted her to do was fly the hell out of there but she kept going on and on at Pat's work lair. What did he care what the cleaner thought. But she just droned on like a damn robot.

"Why...."

Pat cut her off once more. I think she is started to get offended at his work shore. Which works for him and me. For maybe old Flappy will take the hint and flee. Just said who gives a damn. He's here and not gone. So go suck a ham. Okay, not really the last line but I am a rhyming feline.

She still droned on some more. But I'm tired of typing why at my shore. We would be here all damn day if I typed out the actual amount of times she said it at his work bay. So the why of Flappy will come to pass and she's not even good enough to kiss my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

With A Thanks We Bring Out The Tanks!

It's thanksgiving day for those slow pokeys below my Canadian bay. There they will sit and be thankful for a bit. Then off they will go and stomp on people the next day at some Walmart show. Wow, impressive you humans are. No wonder I hear cats want to turn you to tar.


First cats are giving up their favorites toys,Those that brought them joys.To ship through the mail,And pop out with fists of hail.

See, what did I tell you?Humans are through.With such a stance,You stand no chance.

Cats will even rule space.Those aliens will be a dead race.No more probing by vets,Are also safe bets.

Yoga is being used.So you will be amusedThen with a twist,You'll get batted with a fist.

Also nothing is off limits at all.The computer at your hall,Will be taken apart.And sold for cat food at Walmart.

Weapons will be packed away.And sent to your bay.There they will go boom.Spelling your doom.

And if you get too close.You will be hunted like a mouse.Then shot with laser eyes.That will be such a surprise.

Even contracting out.To make the humans pout.Except for the trout.They are eaten and have no clout.

Your water will be drained too.Making you all dehydrated at your zoo.Then you will be easy pickings,Ready for some cat lickings.

And to show the seriousness of the cause.Out come the claws.For practice on the mutt,Has advantages as down go each human nut!
Aren't you thankful for the cat? Now you have been warned at your mat. I have no opinion on the cause. I just provide them soemthing other than claws. It comes in a can and will give you a different colored tan. Maybe the war will pass? If not, it will surely amuse my little rhyming ass.
Later all, have a nice fall.

Glitchy And Twitchy Being Rather Bitchy!

So for those with a keen eye, you may have noticed a tweak or two under my rhyming sky. Not much really to behold. But the cat had to fix crap as the glitches started to be more bold.

Betsy, gave a umm whine,
That no delete was in the comments of the feline.
At first it was nixed,
But I figured I'd add that to be fixed.

Of course with the actual follower widget,
Reply in the comments would be a big eejit.
So that was worked around for a while,
Until the glitches got vile.

Poof, no header to be found.
Poof, reply has taken to ground.
Poof, this doesn't work.
I'd like to poof the html template jerk.

Now no more woes,
After hours of html blows.
I beat them to death,
They tried to glitch me up until their last breath.

But it would not come to pass.
Html can't trick my little rhyming ass.
I pull out a flea,
And it eats their glitchy bug with glee.

Still nice and bright,
Wouldn't want to turn off the light.
But the glitch tried to foil it.
I ended its glitchy bitchy fit.

Now if only blogger would quit,
This slow friggin shit.
When you type up a new post,
That really annoys this host.

You have to wait for it to save.
If you take a second for yourself at your cave.
Then it just putt putts along,
Maybe they have to save it in Hong Kong?

So away we go,
With a fully working show.
At least for now,
I'm sure Blogger will screw it up some how.

And if at some high pitch,
You spy a glitch,
Keep it to yourself.
Or tell the nice Gerber Elf.

The cat had to vent as the glitch got bent. I kicked the eejit out of my place and solved the html case. Such a smart cat at my sea. Now a nap is needed by me. So the glitch is buried beneath the grass thanks to my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Some dVerse Turkey Or Maybe Beef Jerky!

So with Thanksgiving coming up down south and all the Americans stuffing their mouth. Even if they are a day late and a dollar short. For we already have been there done that at each Canadian port. Still the cat will give a dVerse thrill. One that may make one want to pop a pill.

Been there done the turkey.
But things don't look murky.
For Canadians can have fun too.
And we don't act like we have no clue.

Stomping people over Black Friday crap.
Like some stupid brainless sap.
But we won't go there,
Might offend people of walmart at my lair.

Wouldn't want such scary sights tracking me down.
Just one look would make the cat frown.
Now as the cat was saying,
Before the crazies came displaying.

Since we already did the turkey.
Canadians could celebrate with beef jerky.
Or better yet,
It is a safe bet,

That rat burgers should be made.
That will be a meal that will never fade.
Maybe some cow intestines?
That doesn't appeal to felines.

But some spider legs would.
Try them at least once all should.
Along with some pigeon wings.
They are tasty things.

A pig tongue would add some spice.
Goes well with toes of mice.
And beak of crow.
I sound all witchy today at my show.

Borewors is a real thing,
Too barf worthy to give a ring.
Squirrel brain is another one.
They are tiny so you might need more than one.

Could try some scrapple.
I'd rather eat an apple.
In Hong Kong they eat cat.
Now we can't have any of that.

Jelled blood from a pig of duck.
I mean really, what the cluck?
Comes off like jello too.
That is just so ewww.

And something that will do the trick,
Making you long for some spotted dick.
Bull penis on your plate.
Now there is something I would hate.

So now things aren't so murky,
If you are sick of turkey.
Good luck with your dinner,
I am sure bull penis will be a winner.

The cat is glad he does not eat such crap when taking a food lap. I guess mutts are not so bad when they eat piles of dung at their pad. Then again that may be stretching it a bit. Just remember when eating not to spit. I wouldn't want such food near me. I would rather go fish in the sea. The cat would get some bass and that would satisfy my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.