Pat Hatt's Blog, page 252

Add To Your Note A Jolly Old Quote!

So sending a letter to the fat guy? I guess at least he has a second eye. Unlike some folks around here. But she won't be named by my little rhyming rear. Maybe they are both the same age? I'm sure that would be all the rage. Now the cat will get back to the task and what is that you ask? It is simply to rift on a Christmas quote, as I go about the rhyming at my zoo for all to view.

Christmas is like any day,
At your work bay.
You do all the work,
And the credit is taken by the fat jerk.

If you believe men and women are equal in every way.
Then go to your nearest present display.
Whose are wrapped better I ask?
Men look like they did them after emptying a flask.

If you are afraid of the fat guy,
Then it is no lie.
You are a claustrophobic case.
Better carry some mace.

Santa sure has the right plan,
One which the cat is a fan,
At least for most.
Only visit them once a year at their coast.

Christmas is a time when old is new,
Or no one can get a clue.
As Charlie Brown is shown for the 100th time.
He must haul in quite the dime.

Santa only has to work once a year,
Sitting the rest of it on his rear.
Because Rudolph and Frosty bring in the dough,
Each year from their Christmas in July show.

Elf's love music as they work.
But what makes them smirk?
Wrap music of course.
That was so bad it came from a horse.

When Santa comes around.
Makes sure he isn't a hound.
He may state "toys the run on batteries are his best."
But if you're hard up put it to the test.

So he sees you when your sleeping?
With his lurking and creeping.
What a perverted dude,
Watching the cat sleep in the nude.

Elves like to flirt.
That is why Mrs. Claus never wears a skirt.
For from once simple bump,
She gets the head and no hump.

Yeah, the cat quoted here and there and then just made some up at his lair. The horse did the wrap one. That one was so lame, but still had to be done. At least no one passed some Christmas gas, except for maybe my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

A Week Before At The dVerse Shore!

Twas the week before Christmas, when all through the land
Not a blogger was stopping, not even the dVerse band.
Mr. Linky was filled above the bar with flair,
Shouting out the hopes of bloggers everywhere.

The poets were out with their usual tone,
Each glad to know they were not alone.
The cat cleaned the litterbox and Pat the floor.
Before giving a knock on the dVerse door.

When in the back alley there came a call,
That sent us flying as it bounced from wall to wall.
I peeked around the corner and loose trash,
Trying not to blink a single eyelash.

The moon's glow showing nothing but dough.
It seemed someone was robbing the dVerse show.
But before my glaring eyes a figure appeared.
It was worse than I had initially feared.

With a flexible midget, all hands and mouth.
It was clear this Christmas things were going south.
More rapid than rivers his cries came,
And he questioned and answered like that millionaire game.

"First, Licker! Then, Sucker! Then, Explosion and Spitter!
Show on Facebook! On Pinterest! On YouTube and Twitter.
A bit below the ribs! A bit below the belt!
Pop a mint! a mint! Sorry for the welt!"

As versatile and limber as that of lore.
It was clear jolly old Santa was a bit of a whore.
Up his pants went with all lickity split
His bag full of toys had some freaky shit.

And then, in a flash, I saw the elf.
Her sight gave me some timber myself.
As I shifted my head to an abstract view.
It was clear these two were not through.

He was dressed all in spandex from his head to toe.
Nothing was left to imagine from his glow.
A bundle of toys he had ready to show.
Lubrication and umm things in a big red bow.

His eyes how they winked! His nipples how perky.
His cheeks were like the snow, his belly like a turkey.
Her short little stature was packaged all neat.
It was clear she had tossed many a meat.

Some famous pills he held in his hand,
And you could tell they were his own special brand.
She had a plump bum and a round little face,
That shook other assets with each smiling embrace.

He was long and boring, seeming quite run of the mill.
I was surprised that each could give the other a thrill.
He spoke in a dialect that was unknown to I.
Poking and prodding, who was this guy?

With one final push there came a sly smirk.
It was clear he was very good at his work.
She followed him with a whistle and cheery wave.
It was clear she too liked what he gave.

The money was gathered before I could act.
In there somewhere I noticed a contract.
It was signed and legible to my eagle eyes.
And all I have left is a word to the wise.

Should two such creatures come into your view.
With jiggling racks and ding dongs so blue.
A rather good stabbing is about to come due.
With a contract that states between me and you,

You wave all legalities and accept what I do.
I hope you have a very special merry Christmas too!

So beware when you visit dVerse, you may see something rather perverse. But what it is I guess all can claim to make up their own notion as I just played the rhyming game. Yeah, I got a little bit dirty I may admit. But it was such fun to do it. Plus even snip snip the cat liked that lass. dVerse gave a thrill to my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

It Is All In The Wrap You Silly Sap!

You know the cat has to give giftts too to people at our zoo. But Cassie and I won't let what you humans give fly. I mean little hearts and trees. All the cat can say is, please! Grow some back bone and really set the Christmas tone. It is all in the wrap which we have plenty of such paper on tap.


We're No Angels indeed.Just look at them satisfy their need.Getting quite busy,Heaven must be in a tizzy.
Horny Santa is on the chase.He can sure move at a steady pace.He sure seems jolly,Guess his bells ring for Holly.
If you just want to be mean about it.Then this will be a hitAdd a lump of coal,And mail it to the north pole.
Not sure how appetizing this one is.But I suppose some go for such biz.Enough of the dong,That sounds so wrong.
It's a full moon tonight.Butts of every height.Ready to heed the call.Plaster this one across your wall.
The conga line is grand.Just look at Santa's handOr other aspects too.You dirty pervert, you.
Santa sure has style.I wonder if he joined that club about the mile?Either way,They sure are having a merry day.
Santa is kinky too.That I never knew.With one crack of this whip,No Dasher or Dancer will come from his lip.
For those up close and personal times.When you want to scare even mimes.Shove your gift in a bag,And watch Santa's ass sag.
Then do the locomotion.And make a commotionOr would that be disco?Santa sure shows more than his toe.
Now can you imagine those gifts under the tree? All will stop and surely see. Although you may have to cover the kiddies eyes. But they won't be wise. For they will be too busy with their toys while the wrapping paper can give you joys. Such paper does come to pass for all the get a gift from Cass and my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Set The Sails With The Details!

So dVerse is going all details today over at their bay. They want us to look around and gawk at the ground. But then Brian had to go and mention that 3D crap. Someone needs to take that and shove it up their gap. We won't go there today at my lair. Hmm or maybe we will. Sorry, if I make you feel ill.

Looking all around
I find much on the ground.
As away the humans walk,
So the cat will give a gawk.

Blue shoes made of stuff,
That one has to fluff.
Boots that are ugly as can be,
But then who is asking me?

Oh look a coffee cup,
With the rim rolled up.
I guess they did not win,
That is truly a sin.

A lotto ticket passes,
Played by the masses.
Such litter bugs,
Them and the lottery thugs.

The air up there,
Is rather rare.
It contains a crane,
Yeah, I just went down a movie lane.

But that guy with the hammer,
Sure doesn't have a stammer.
The height at which he works,
Would not give me smirks.

Some market today,
As it is ever other non week day.
Come in and find much,
Like food and such.

Smoke hangs about,
As the but butts out.
Flicked across the sidewalk,
As two loons continue to talk.

A hair fixer and a nail chewer,
Went into a brewer.
One had a yellow shirt,
The other quite the flirt.

Just look at that pink purse,
She even likes to curse.
Guess they are working off those buns,
Or their smokers cough runs.

Oh look at this,
Something you shouldn't miss.
It's an old paper with news,
The black creates blues.

Hmm that is a good line,
Must be remembered by the feline.
As with all the surrounds us,
22 steps from home to the bus.
Was that not fun? No glasses even needed to be spun. Although pfft to such crap. 3D is just another money trap. Oh looky at the pretty thing off the screen. Whoopdi Friggin Doo it's a dancing jelly bean. Such stupid things that come to pass that will never get money to see 3D garbage out of my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Some Evil Ploy That Brings No Joy!

You can't do it. So don't judge one bit. You are more inclined to go about your rat race or stuff your fat face. Oh a double rhyme there. Damn, I'm good at my lair. But what am I going on about? I guess I'll just have to give it a shout.

Left to right it goes.
Depending on how the wind blows.
Or would that be arm?
Either way, keep it out of harm.

For it must remain high.
Otherwise it will be scratched on the first try.
Once it catches my eye.
I have to make the thing die.

Why do you torture me?
Just let the damn thing be.
Be so much easier to gulp down.
If you didn't keep moving it across town.

Making me run down the hall,
Bouncing my head like a ball.
But I will not give up.
Like some easily distracted butt sniffing pup.

I will catch you and that thing.
No matter where you let it fling.
Up and down and all around.
I'll tackle it without making a sound.

If your leg or arm should get in the way.
You won't have a very nice day.
Maybe a scar to show off though.
If you like that sort of thing at your show.

You're the dumb one,
That made me run.
If only you'd given it to me.
I would have left you be.

But oh know.
You had to make it go.
Just couldn't let me eat it.
So shut up and take the hit.

Let the blood flow.
And just know.
I always win.
So next time just drop it next to my food bin.

Don't make me chase the damn fuzzy ball.
Bouncing it on a string up and down the hall.
I already know I can jump through the air.
A fact you are also aware.

So just give me the damn thing.
I like to eat string.
I promise to chew,
Not letting anything bad come due.

Drop, stop and go away.
Let me play.
I don't need a dirty human to help.
Oops, I scratched you, go give a good yelp.

Why you humans make us chase fuzzy balls or mice on a string. Yeah, I know fuzzy balls sounds like some gutter thing. But why you make us chase them is beyond me. Then you sit and laugh at what you see. Or get all glum because I scratched your bum. Too bad there lad and lass. You've just been taught not to mess with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

What Do I See As I Scroll With Glee?

So the cat had an idea so bright I had to bring it to light. Or at least it gave me a chance to go all incorporate many more once again at my hall. Should be fun to spin it today. Also this was from a way back display. For remember I am 90 ahead. So some might forget what they said.

Homemade Salsa is on display.
Could cure plenty a hunger at ones bay.
Total Recall 2012 gets its review day.
Just another damn rehash I say.

The Other Blog gets a mention.
I hope the current one isn't in detention.
What Color Is That Bear garners some attention.
I hope it didn't cause any tension.

Pepper can be spicy.
And it isn't very pricey.
X-factor, Support and Attention can be dicey.
The firsts mention is just icy.

The story of a lost/stolen phone and craiglist.
Surely will make one shake their fist.
Follow (y)our leader might bruise your wrist.
Add that to the blame game list.

Video game candy.
Is just dandy.
Breakfast is surely handy,
Unless it tastes rather sandy.

A Many Splendored Thing,
Go ahead and give it a sing.
Let Us Pray,
All have a very nice day.

Oldest Park,
Where the dogs like to bark.
New Marvel Heroes Trailer hits the mark.
Look at those superheroes snark.

Just An Observation of Eastwood.
Older than the dirt in any hood.
Fall is all around.
So says the leaves on the ground.

I Should Have Kissed You.
Keep your slobber for to the cat it's eww.
Autumn chills are coming due.
Hate the snow but that you knew.

Hey!
Wow you sure had your say.
Gifted Eyeballs on display.
Maybe they are made of clay?

Ad Infinitum is on deck.
Guess one wants a little cheek peck.
Not quite autumn might make some a wreck.
As the heat lingers more than a speck.

Weekend Wisecrack,
Goes on the behind attack.
September Again at our shack.
The heat is now slack.

And so it goes,
That I write whatever shows.
During the day,
Of my blogroll display.

Sadly some I missed though,
As they do not show.
For blogger doesn't seem to like,
And tells them to take a hike.

The cat can do all here at his hall. Stealing titles from all of you err umm I mean borrowing them at my zoo. Bah it is more fun to steal. But I'll never admit that was the real deal. So thanks to you the blogroll rhyme has come to pass from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Stuck On Your Gift? Your Spirits Will Lift!

So the cat is here to help you all, like he always does at his stall. I mean your eyes got good and clear when the zombie feet came near. That has to help some. Now I will make sure your Christmas is not glum. For with these presents you can do no wrong. I bet your receiver will even sing a song.


Give them a chain saw.It has no flaw.They can scare away all in view.Like those carolers that bother you.

Their own personal slave?This isn't really a fave.But some might like it I suppose.Both of them curl my toes.

They will thank you for this.It surely can't miss.Some second hand smoke,Making them choke.

If they are hard up.Forget that coffee cup.Give them a genetically modified lass.One with a tiny green mass.

You could always give them a postman.Many might be a fan.They could get their mail fast.Plus going postal is quite the blast.

Give them a huge thrill.Increase their electric bill.That will make them suck back the liquor.Don't forget to put them on a clicker.

A parking ticket is great too.It is surely something new.A gift that makes them pay.They will thank you one day.

Umm well if you want to scare.Give them such an evil stare.Don't forget the ho ho ho,And to give off that Santa glow.

Why not just make them fat?Then next year you can give them a gym mat.See forward thinking works.Twinkies sure do have their perks.

This awesome ski mask,Will sure do the task.Then next year no present will have to be bought.For in jail they will rot.
Now you can't say you can't find a gift. The cat has filled the rift. You will all have an idea now thanks to my little meow. So buy away and spread the cheer at your bay. Maybe throw in some laughing gas and you will surely be thanking my little rhyming ass.
Later all, have a nice fall.

For This Run It's Dumb Criminal 101!

The cat was searching through a site because he was bored one night, Canada's version of craiglist, nothing to do with the umm wrist. The cat is snip snip anyway. So into the gutter your mind needs not to stray. Now he saw an ad there that really proves criminals are dumber than a holy sock pair.

First there was the wanted,
Which the ad taunted.
Then there was the robbers.
Guess they needed some good jobbers?

That is right,
There in the cat's sight.
"Wanted Robbers" for all to view.
I thought it was a spelling error to.

Could have wanted rubbers,
For some wild hot tubers.
Could have wanted rodders too.
As they wanted a hot rodding crew.

Maybe jobbers were what they were seeking.
For a little tongue and cheeking.
Or coppers which is a stretch.
But they could have wanted those coin things to play fetch.

So I clicked on through,
And there in my view,
Was an ad saying how they wanted to be the Gotham crew,
And pull off things that would turn people blue.

Or at least put the world back in its place.
They even had that Bane mask face.
So they are going to commit crime,
And let all know including a mime.

That is the best idea ever.
Boy, criminals are so clever.
What next will they try?
Putting up a big billboard in the sky?

I guess it makes the cops job easier to do.
That is a plus for me and you.
Might fill the jail though,
With this big fail of a show.

Of course was probably a gag,
Some idiot type of tag.
Trying to suck people in,
To some pyramid scheme or something at their bin.

Still a moron is a moron I suppose,
Which ever way the wind blows.
So grab a good strong water hose,
And blow away such annoying crows.

The cat just had to give it a go after seeing such a show. Maybe they will wrap all in a big bow and sing some Christmas type flow. In their swanky new cell or nice warm spot in Hell. But if they trespass at my sea they will get a pringle can to the face and knee. Then I will pass some gas and scare them away with my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

A Crapulous Of Rhyme On dVerse's Dime!

NEWS FLASH Make another dash, interviewed once more, HERE at the dVerse shore!

The cat will throw so many words at you that you will think they are untrue. But none are made up by me. It is so fun to confuse and it causes me glee. Don't blame the cat. It is dVerse that brought the weirdo words to my mat.

Searching high and low,
I found cerumen can glow.
Nasty as can be, I know.
They doddle and let that grow.

Eructation can be so rude.
And sound rather crude.
But a footle you,
Really has no clue.

That liripipe is quite the sight.
I mean it causes a fright.
Glad no monomania exists here.
The cat will kick anything into gear.

I don't want to see that oxter of yours.
Save it for Walmart stores.
If you pilpul me,
I may nail you to a tree.

Wow, that is sure a puckeroo.
You may need some super glue.
Spanghew-ing can be fun.
The cat has to give that a run.

Are you miffed?
Why don't you go get squiffed?
That would be so twee.
But not really to me.

Ululate sure applies to old one eye.
She can let the whining fly.
Whinge applies too.
Wow, that is two that came due.

Thankfully no meldrop in sight.
That would force one into the dark of night.
I have such an izzat ass.
It rhymes and provides much sass.

Did you stub your hallux today?
That would cause a swear to display.
Beats a gormless foe,
With the brians of a crow.

What is that frowzy smell?
Brian, did you ring such a bell?
Sure can't say it is floccinaucinihilipilification one bit.
Say that three times fast and you'll be a hit.

So before I draggle myself,
Across the sand at my shelf.
I will just say hold the bumf please.
I'd rather leave that up to the breeze.

Now was that not fun? Have you learned a new word under your sun? Or has your head exploded yet? Do not curse this pet. I was just trying to help you out some. Remember the holidays are near so don't be glum. Eat, be merry and pass gas. That should be coined by my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

The Goon Squad Clackity Clack Over A Sack!

Another News Flash For Pat Is Interviewed HERE At Another Dash!

The cat was out and about, hating this cold and trying not to pout. Actually I suppose as long as you cover up your toes, it isn't so bad. Plus we got plenty of heat at our crap hole of a pad. Anyway, once more I saw those two idiots on display. Gung and Ho were walking to and fro with a big red sack. Beware, their rhymes really rather lack.

"Gung, how does it all fit? He must be strong to lift it."

"We are rhyming once more. Ho, that cat must be around us once more."

"I don't think it counts if you rhyme the same word. Maybe he gets help from Big Bird?"

Those two idiots just tugged at this red sack and it sure caused them flack. They kept going down the road each holding it trying to break Santa's code. Then the two loons starting picking up everything in sight and chucking it in, obviously the bag was not light.

"Gung, are you really going to do that? You should know that yellow snow was from the cat."

"Don't be so silly, Ho. It was simply from a banana that didn't grow."

"Let's try this rock too. Now this will sure prove how it is true."

"Ho, that is a great idea my friend. Santa's tricks will come to an end."

The pair dumped out the crap they threw into it, leaving a big pile of well shit. I think I even saw a rusty bike. At least they were getting exercise from their hike. The pair then widened the bag as far as they could and proved they were crazier than Little Red Riding Hood.

"I know we have it. We just need to give it a good hit."

"Let's go, Ho. Give it one more tug and watch your toe."

"Gung, we could get rich. We could steal umm borrow all kinds and sell them once we figure out this glitch."

"Santa will never be able to fool the world again and it is all thanks to these two men."

"Because Gung is hung and Ho has the flow."

A look of disgust came across their face, as out came some dude from the rat race. The work day was through and he was ready to go home, catching them in his view. He shouted rather rude things at them and even spit some flem.

"Ho, I think it is time to go."

"Gung, our Santa bell has officially sung."

They left the bag covering half a car and I swear they must have hit some bar. The pair actually thought they could shrink a car into a bag. They finally gave up and waved the white flag. Not before they smashed the guy's window though and I watched as he drove after Gung and Ho. Maybe Gung was squashed like dung and Ho was crushed and eaten by a crow? I know I will once more see their mass for I am not that lucky of a little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.