Pat Hatt's Blog, page 251

Bow Wow Will Be Jealous Of The Cow!

The dog gets a little bed,
To rest its little head.
But cows now get water beds on the farm.
I guess it keeps them from harm.

They are surely high class,
As they are being bought in mass.
$100,000 or so,
Is the amount of dropped dough.

For they produce better I guess,
Although wouldn't that leave a mess?
And damn those beds have to be tough.
As those cows sit on them in the buff.

What could be next on the docket?
Massagers that get plugged in a socket?
Maybe many more things.
Like increasing their mood with fluffy wings.

Could make their tail more fluffy.
Could model sheep after Buffy.
Maybe even send them away,
To Hawaii for a stay.

Each year farm animals get a trip.
Could even pierce their lip.
Some humans like that I hear.
They even have them in their rear.

Yeah, Pat seen one that was there.
A while ago at my lair.
But back on task.
What about a new mask?

They could all go to a ball.
And masquerade about in their stall.
Chickens could have wheelchairs,
To get around their lairs.

That way they could lay eggs all day.
And still have fun going about their bay.
Could market that,
And be a rich cat.

So with a simple moo,
You could get a water bed too.
Just pretend you are a cow,
And try not to meow.

Although you might have to sit in a stall,
Bored counting the flowers on the wall.
And produce some milk each day,
That would be quite the display.

So there you go. Now you know that you could think up an easy idea at your show for a farm animal that is near and make life easier on their rear. The poor dog must be so jealous with its little bed. Cats go anywhere they want to rest their head. Also we bury things in the grass. So no water bed is needed for my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Too Much, Too Little. Go Pop A Skittle!

Too much of this or too little of that,
Could ruin bliss or make you fat.
Pop a pill and all is grand.
Until the bill then things get bland.

Coffee is good until it's not.
Truth for every hood a whole friggin' lot.
Too much sun and you fry.
Too little and you die.

Too much water you croak.
Too little and your throat's so dry you choke.
Too much fat creates a heart attack.
Too little you feed the cat and he ruins your shack.

Too much and too little.
Makes your touch oh so brittle.
Too much sway when you are out.
Your back gives way and you shout.

Too much junk and you fall over.
Too little gunk and your butt won't get sniffed by rover.
Throw to hard and bye bye arm.
Run too fast across the yard, slip and cause harm.

Too many radio waves screw you too.
Too many saves and death increases at your zoo.
Little by little your chances go,
Should too much or too little flow.

Too much school and you miss out.
Too little you're a fool like a singing trout.
Too much gas and you could crash.
Too little and an old bitty will get a bad rash.

Too little money and you get a box.
Might look funny with holes in your socks.
Too much and hmm is there such a thing?
For such a sight it would be to see the dollars ring.

Too much wishing nothing ever gets done.
Spend some time fishing out in the sun.
Too little trouble and things could bore.
But trouble will double if you become a man whore.

Too much would make you sing a jailbird tune.
So let your dong ding and pretend you're a loon.
Too much you get a rubber room.
Don't touch, too hot and you bring doom.

Balance I suppose is key to all.
Even things like tea could kill you at your hall.
I guess so could a paper cut,
Just as much as some great caper at your hut.

Unless of course you go with the dough.
Then that can grow and surely flow.
Otherwise balance must come due.
Even with lust for you don't want to get thrown in a zoo.

Was that a little too much or too much too little? Did I just make your brain more brittle? I do that every day though with the rhymes that flow. So once more you are welcome for that. Don't worry, it won't be done too much by the cat. Just once a day it comes to pass. For I must always be a little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

It's Round Nine As They Still Bother The Feline!

As we near the end of the year I guess the crazies are still sticking to my little rhyming rear. Not literally though or I would pass some gas and away they would go. It seems nothing can scare them away. Oh well, at least they make for a post here and there at my bay.

"big bird sees ernie and bert getting it on"

And you know this how? Were you told by a small cow? Maybe a medium owl? Or a half and half fowl?

"pics of raccoon humping dog"

You clearly have issues. Just make sure you use tissues. I won't judge your porn. I'm sure some people have a thing for corn.

"how big do rats get"

How am I supposed to know? I just eat them and away I go.

"do bananas make u toot?"

Why are you asking me? You can find out easy. Try one and that will be that. You either toot or not at your mat.

"superhero undies men"

I guess they were looking for Brian. I wonder if they kept tryin?

"heinz spotted dick"

And with a bloody hell, I'll let daydreamertoo take this one at my cell.

"i wish i could walk away from my nasty ass job"

Well you know you could crawl or maybe hop, skip and jump down the hall.

"farting presented in paintings"

People sure have gas today. And why would someone paint that anyway?

"i hear the secrets that you keep when"

When I what? Come on, tell my little rhyming butt? Is it when I swear? Pfft why do I care? I tell all at my sea, nothing is TMI for me.

"rhymes about our face"

Your face if flat,
Your face is round,
You don't look like a cat,
You look like a hound.
At least be happy,
That you aren't sappy,
With a one eye,
That makes me cry.

"dirty rhyme fun under the sun"

Hmmm I probably don't want to know. Keep the germs at your own show. A different dirty you say? Hmmm are you the raccoon dog porn guy back at my bay?

"inapooit words"

Wow, you really have rotten luck. You confused lord google making it think what the umm cluck. But at least you found the cat. You have to be happy with that.

"bad breath germs on teeth cartoon"

The cat can't draw with the paw or claw. So you are out of luck. Maybe go find an artsy duck.

"a.d.d a delicious dick shirt"

That is just soooo wrong. I bet you even made it into a song.

"ugly lady missing teeth"

Clearly someone has teeth issues and are finding me. Even though the cat's teeth are nice and pretty.

"a cat on top of a pumpkin with a cape rhyme"

There was a cat,
Who squashed all flat.
He practiced each day,
On the pumpkins he'd slay.
He'd squash them like a grape,
But never get any on his cape.

"youre so lame rhym"

Ummm I think you proved that yourself. Learn some grammar at your shelf.

"squirrel saying boobies you has them"

Wow, squirrels can talk. I bet they can even draw boobies with chalk.

"boys bouncy balls"

Now here is simply a sicko in every way. I hope they go to jail and get some balls of their own on display.

"chuck norris dog movie"

That would be Top Dog. But we don't want mutts or Chuck Norris at this blog.

And so for the winner of this round. I know, how can you top a raccoon humping a hound? I think this one sure takes the cake. He is rather whiny and may need to drown himself in a lake. Or herself of course it could be. I wouldn't want to discriminate at my sea.

"and then i said i won't shit on the carpet anymore"
So you shit on the carpet in the first place? And you had the nerve to type this into some search engine place? You didn't even tell what wouldn't make you do it anymore. I suppose after typing all of that you had to stop before you started to bore. Now another search engine post has come to pass as the crazies keep on finding my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

It Is Vital We Find A New Title!

So how was your Christmas day? Of course if you celebrate it at your bay. Otherwise, how was your ordinary day? See, I can cater to all at my bay. But this boxing day needs to go. I mean who wants to get rid of boxes at their show? Not me. I like to jump in the boxes at my sea. So don't throw them away. Cassie and I want to play.

Need to change the name,
Of this boxing game.
Forget the ear eating guys.
They have the brains of flies.

So put on your gloves,
Go eat some doves.
And think up a new name,
One that will bring fame.

For that way,
The boxes will stay,
And I can play,
All through the day.

So what can we call it?
We need a sure fire hit.
So go with Weight Day!
Need to loose a little after Christmas anyway.

Stuck Between Christmas and New Years day.
Too wordy of a display?
No Work Day.
That is great at any bay.

Christmas All Over Again Day.
More presents on display.
That would be grand.
All would shout out across the land.

Wait! Then they'd go broke.
Let's forget that poke.
Plus the family would stick around,
And no silence would be found.

Get Rid Of The Relatives Day!
We get to throw them all in the hay.
Then without any remorse,
Watch as they are drug off by a horse.

Now that is a win.
I'll go with that at my bin.
Get rid of all the humans and their yapping.
My ears hurt from their constant flapping.

Besides they will just think,
They are going to the rink,
Still drunk from the night before,
And they won't know they are being dragged from your shore.

So sound like a plan?
I know you are a fan.
Chase all home,
And leave the boxes to roam.

Now isn't that a better name then the one currently hogging all the fame? You have an excuse to kick the relatives in the caboose, sending them away and leaving you in peace and quiet at your bay. One way to give birth to peace on Earth. Now the boxes will stay for Cass and my ever so entertaining little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Merry Christmas From Me, Pat And Cassie!

Did the jolly fat guy find you? He sure found our crew. Now he just won't go away. He even wanted us to board his sleigh. I guess reindeer are too high maintenance for him. He really needs to give that beard a trim.


Cassie posed in her usual way,All prim and proper with her display.The cat does not do prim and proper though.Miss Priss can have that at our show.

It seems Santa liked our elf ways last year.And began sucking up to my rhyming rear.He even put me on the nice list.You know that would make many shake their fist.


See, I told you so.He even drew me in his book at his show.That is some desperation indeed.My services were in need.

But I was not going with any fat jolly old man.It seems not even a mutt is a fan.So I broke out the laser eyes.Now he looks like charcoal as he takes to the skies.
That was my Christmas night.The cat made Santa take flight.Hope yours was grand,And all is merry across your land.
Oh, right.This is a dVerse night.I better make things diverse.I wouldn't want Mr. Linky to curse.

That diverse enough for you?The zebra thong is on display once more at our zoo.It was a gift after all,Last year at our hall.
MERRY CHRISTMAS
And that is all for today. Last year I expected few at my bay and many came. Should be interesting to see if this years Globland Christmas is tame. Now I need to go eat things that give me gas. So off I go with my little rhyming ass.
Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Bah Humbug I Say Today At My Bay!

So on this day before Christmas day. That can be confusing to say. Something like the day before the day before Christmas day. I could go on forever with that at my bay. But I will refrain from hurting your head for Scrooge has come to cause dread. He wanted to have his say and it was so fun I will let him today.

Scrooged Holidays

I have kept a count of all the cheer,
That is said to come this time of year.

Jingle Bells, cooking smells,
Cardboard little wishing wells.
Lights to mock the Vegas strip,
Brats on Santa's ancient hip.

Mounted heads in the sky,
Working for some fat guy.
Natures needles on the floor,
All decked out on the door.

Animals moving in a flock.
Clerks moving final stock.
Relative love being spread,
No, Aunt Millie is not dead.

Plastic boobs promoting sales,
Everything from food to nails.
Howling dogs at the porch,
Singing songs one should torch.

Bows that shine with a glow.
If you have surpassed Velcro.
Paper wrapped all nice and neat.
Even a Merry Christmas tweet.

Balls of snow rolled and stacked,
Avoid yellow in the digestive tract.
Carrots simply laid to waste.
While puny brains turn to paste.

Holy wallets, plastic nights,
Bills reaching new heights.
Mistletoe with the office horse,
Bringing grounds for divorce.

Whiny babies, picture snaps,
Concerts bringing fake claps.
Snow balls are a thumping,
Blue need early holiday humping.

Stockings traps above the fire,
Elves wishing they were higher.
Cookies and milk treaties,
Easily promoting diabetes.

I am sure much I missed,
That will make next year's list.
So to you I raise my mug,
And to this holiday cheer, bah humbug.

Wow such a cynical old man. Of his rhyming I am a fan. But not his no holiday cheer. I think he needs to get drunk off beer. Or you know those spirits must come to make him no longer glum. But if a ghost comes near me with his moaning sass. I'll just blow it away with some gas from my merry little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

A Habit At Play Is What I Say!

The cat has to admit one thing today at his wing. It may be tough to hear from my little rhyming rear. But I guess I will have to give it a go because all deserve to know. Half the time at my bay when I give my say, sadly I don't do it, no matter what I wrote with my rhyming fit.

That three headed cow,
With one big uni brow.
Is so funny I bet,
An LOL has to be given from this pet.

People of Walmart,
Show flab as they push their cart.
Scary in every way,
But I'll LOL with my display.

Zombie Foot is back once more.
Going to scare all at my shore.
I'll LOL twice at least,
For that is one scary footed beast.

A mutt sniffs a butt,
Been there so many times at my hut.
LOL is just a staple,
Maybe humans smell like maple?

That dude fell from a tree,
She got stung by a bee.
He had his foot ran over by a tire,
She set her hair on fire.

All kinds of LOL's there.
Of course to be fair,
Depends on who it was I suppose,
Be funny if it was zombie toes.

Caught on camera doing an act,
That the crazies it would attract.
That is so LOL to me,
I'll say it fifty times at my sea.

Scary hair pictures galore,
A love bug sore.
Fleas on knees,
Heart shaped trees.

Lingering eye sores,
Humpity humping boars.
Scary sights of love,
Shit sickles from above.

All good LOL times,
Even those dumb mimes.
An LOL will come,
From my little rhyming bum.

But sadly it is only typed up.
Hope that did not make you spill your cup.
The cat does not always laugh out loud.
I just felt I had to pull back that shroud.

Then again if numb tongues come along,
Or one eye's try to sing a song,
Or drunk Irish people send cat kids out an elephants rear,
Those are all real LOL's I fear.

Don't even get me started on the haha's the cat leaves each time. I guess to type it feels right for my chime. A habit is all they are at least half the time at my bar. I know many others do it too when instead of LOL a smile came due. Or some spit coffee on their screen. That is just obscene. Then again maybe LOL could stand for Lick Only Love, the viking woman floats like a dove then the cat gives her a good lick. That type of LOL may be sick. I'll still LOL in mass because it is such a habit from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Do You Know All Below?

So the cat is still in the holiday mode. If you don't like it, go find a rhyming toad. I suppose he would be a fun bloke until he decided to croak. Then nothing would be said. Better off avoiding such dread. Now away wie go with some facts that all might not know.

In that twelve days song,
You can do no wrong.
Get all the presents from it,
And 364 presents your stats would hit.

Jingle Bells is so great.
Christmas had to be its fate.
Nope, wrong once more.
It was actually written for Thanksgiving's shore.

More than 3 billion greeting cards are sent,
Making the mailman get bent,
In the US alone.
Be cheaper to leave a message at the tone.

The average household will mail out,
On average 28 Christmas card shouts.
I guess with that stat,
The cat falls flat.

A wreath on the door,
Means welcome to ones shore.
Also it wishes you a long life.
Sucks if Santa stole your wife.

Supposedly 7 out of 10,
Of those mutts at each den,
Also get a gift each year.
Pfft 10 out of 10 cats get them I hear.

56% of you guys down below,
Meaning at the US show,
Sing carols to your pets.
I hope you give them earplugs in sets.

Visa cards down below,
My meaning by now you know.
Are used 5,340 times a minute during the season.
Wow, those bills can't be pleasin.

1.76 billion candy canes will be made.
If I get one I'm willing to trade.
A dollar a stick.
I promise it will only have one lick.

In early England they say,
The traditional dinner on display,
Was a the head of a pig,
With mustard for a wig.

Alabama and their backward ways,
Back in 1836 in some sort of daze,
Probably thinking they were in a stage play.
Became the first state to declare Christmas a holiday

And finally the jolly old fat guy,
Must really know how to fly.
He has to visit 842,000,000 houses in one night.
Hopefully Rudolph and Dancer don't fight.

Or he may be late.
That would be an awful fate.
841,999,999 would just look so wrong.
Maybe he'll just skip King Kong.

There are all the facts for this year from my little rhyming rear. Now you know plenty more useless things thanks to my wings. You can also pretend to be smart and maybe get on the people of Walmart. That would show such class. I would at least pretend to be a jealous little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

The Big Day When Boom Goes Your Bay!

Stocked up at your sea? I have some extra toilet paper just in case the world does flee. I mean you have to hedge your bets, right? But is this day a fright? Yeah, it is about as scary as a toad on the road, a nun on the run, a man with a plan, a dick whacking stick and you get the picture from there. Although that last one would be scary anywhere.

So the world is toast,
That is what some boast.
But it's all be said,
By people long past dead.

Oh no!
The world's gonna blow.
Shiver me timbers and all that fluff.
Things are about to get rough.

Oops, we are still here.
The end isn't near.
Oh such and such says this,
So that is why the end was amiss.

What a crock of shit.
Is all I can say about it.
Planet whatever is one big joke.
Plus we are the ones that are going to croak.

The world will be here long after we're gone.
Humans and their egos are what's the con.
No big grand day,
Is going to smite us and make us pay.

People need to get that through their damn head.
And stop being force fed,
All this trash,
About planets, black holes and the world ending bash.

It is NOT going to happen all at once.
Anyone to think so is a dunce.
One magic day,
Poof, the world will just go away.

Right! You nitwit.
Keep screaming your dumb fit.
What is going to screw us, is us.
Unless you're lucky and get hit by a bus.

Global warming or some actual known crap,
Is what will make us take a nap.
But the world will still be around,
And no one magic day will be found.

Religious nuts can claim their crap,
Mayan studying nitwits can circle the map.
The Internet can make up something,
Even uncle Sasquatch can give it a ring.

Doesn't mean a damn thing at all.
Ooh there is strange writing on the wall.
Just means some cavemen was bored while taking a dump.
He probably even used the "you know" before it could clump.

So you just touched crap on a wall,
As you gave your world ending call.
How did it feel?
Shocking how such nimrods ever invented the wheel.

That is that from the cat. Tomorrow there will be no change for you, the cat or Pat. Except that of the norm and true to form. Which means we will all be more old and death will be closer to taking hold. But forget that cheery thought for on the 22nd these idiots and their world ending crap can finally go rot. Oh wait. They got the wrong date. It will now be December 24, 2134 when it comes to pass. At least I will be a dead little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

The Howl Returns Bringing Forth Ear Burns!

The cat was sitting about as with any other day and then came a shrieking shout. I could not stand the thing. I stood like a meerkat once more at my wing. Even Cassie came running to my side. Both of us thought some poor animal was taking a death ride.

Oh holy night,
God, save us from this plight.
My ears are feeling a sting,
And a constant ring.

12 days last 12 minutes too long.
Hiring these people was just wrong.
How can you bring in,
Another crew that brings forth sin.

If Santa Claus is coming to town.
I'm sure he will frown,
Then fly the hell away,
Dropping coal on your head on his way.

That would work for me.
Shutting you up and causing glee.
Scrooge would even throw money at you,
Just to give you some sort of clue.

That you are just that bad.
That squealing would drive anyone mad.
If you could just jingle bells,
From some rubber room cells,

I would be oh so glad.
But if that would make you sad.
Take the O'Christmas Tree,
And smash it over the head of thee.

Save one and all the trouble,
Bury yourself in Christmas rubble.
Mommy might kiss Santa Claus,
But if she heard you she'd surely pause.

And whack you with a broom,
From bringing forth such ear doom.
I will get a pringle can,
Fling it and show you I'm no fan.

Those jingle bells will surely rock.
Your voice gives off a shock.
They will probably even rust,
Before they bust.

I really need those ear plugs,
Or some thick rugs.
I need to hide away,
From such a screeching display.

So that was the cat's night enjoying an ear plight. I can't believe two years in a row I had to listen to such a show. Pat really needs to move us away from here. For those voices strike fear. So glad when it came to pass as they just gave tons of gas to my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.