Pat Hatt's Blog, page 250

I Suppose In A Way It's A dVerse Display!

So let's confuse a bit or at least cause a mind fit. For the cat is going to let the voices in his head have a chat while I go chase down a juicy rat. They can be rather dVerse and one may even be a bit perverse. But that is just the way it goes when each voice shows.

Watch out I bite.
Worse than an itchy mite.
I'm the biting knight.
So stay away from my work site.

You let loose a byte?
Scare some it just might.
Although I doubt it even at night.
Unless they catch your scary self in sight.

Stop that, you!
I'll turn you blue.
It will come due.
I'll beat you too.

So you're talking to the letter U?
Is that how the wind blew?
The things some people do.
I bet you can't even count past two.

Your life is at stake.
Your back I will break.
I will make you die.
And you'll never know why.

You want to fry me a steak,
And fix my car brake?
Sorry, I don't like tye dye.
What is it with you and letters like Y?

I thought you knew,
That this crap was through?
But if your mind is in lieu,
I'll beat sense in you with my shoe.

I'm getting something new?
A baseball I already threw.
And I don't need a new loo.
But I will never shoo.

One day the stars will align,
And I will make you whine.
Crushing you like a flea
And sending you out to sea.

Now with math and a line?
Don't get cheap on the wine.
Or that could make me flee.
Yes, I know I'm a sight to see.

You better pray,
For I'm going to slay,
You like a little pea.
If you don't let me be.

Yeah I know mice are prey.
You're boarding Santa's sleigh?
Actually I do have to pee,
So away I buzz like a bee.

The cat is now back to go on the rhyming attack. What is this? Looks like the voices are in bliss. Having such fun back and forth at my sea. Damn, they really broke the dam and were something to see. Hey! I'm doing it too. Maybe that little bit of hay was what made it come due. A drink I really need or maybe some bread I should knead? Oh cat food has a good buy. I guess I'll have to go shopping and say goodbye. Did you see what came to pass? If not, feel free to curse my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Another Way To Suck Dough From Your Bay!

So that dreaded time will come soon enough when you do your taxes in the buff. Not sure which is more scary. Thank God the cat is hairy. But what could you get taxed on this year? There could be many a things that you don't know about, I hear.

There is a pee tax.
Wait! Now it is lax.
The 1st century is where it took place.
As people would tax pee at a steady pace.

For it was used to clean,
Each and every scene.
Due to high ammonia content.
I hope they at least had a vent.

It must suck to be a witch.
They may curse those officials and make them itch.
For now somewhere out there,
People are taxed for being witches at their lair.

How would you know?
Do they have a witchy glow?
I would fear a curse,
Let the witches keep the coins in their purse.

Wig powder has a big tax,
So if you want to relax,
And strap on that wig,
Be prepared to pay big.

Do you have a tattoo?
One of a zoo?
Maybe some barbed wire,
Or your love for Oscar Meyer.

A tattoo dedicated to a whiner.
I hope you aren't a hand signer.
Either way taxed you are,
For displaying one at your bar.

Here is a great one.
God is so fun.
A Catholic tax is so cool.
God must really rule.

For if you don't pay,
You are kicked out of the fray.
I guess the bible must have missed that part.
"All shall take taxes to heart."

Want to go on a ride?
In the air you glide,
On your hot air balloon.
While the tax man sings a tune.

And now for the best.
It beats all the rest.
For it is a tax,
That reached the max.

The Soul Tax has come due.
It is charged to each and every one of you.
I wonder if cats count too?
But then what? Tax a kangaroo?

Did I forget to mention,
That this little tax detention,
Was done in 1718?
That Peter the Great was sure mean.

Why are they always great?
Is it their taxing fate?
Cat the great?
Pfft that is too low a fate.

So there we go some fun before the tax show. Even though it is a month or two away. I figured I'd get you in the mood at my bay. Glad I can make you grumble but you do not want to rumble. For the cat has hidden in the grass, pringle cans full of stuff that comes out of my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Take Stock With A Gawk!

So the cat pulled a gawker and had a ball watching what took place at a selling hall. One of those back and forth things, I hid in the wings. I guess cats were not allowed. Pfft like I really wanted to be near this dirty human crowd.

Going once, going twice,
This is a great price.
Find it here, find it there,
You can't get this anywhere.

Not too high, not too low,
Look at this thing glow.
From the hip give a tip,
Open your wallet and let it drip.

That is great, that is grand,
Too bad it is a little bland.
But never fear, just come near,
I will pay you something my dear.

A wonderful deal, a wonderful charge,
You can't get this price on any barge.
Across the seas, across the lands,
I'm the only one who'll take it off your hands.

Give me your trust, I'll give you some cash,
It is so much better than throwing it in the trash.
See it my way, see it your way,
Help yourself with money in your tray.

The best decision, the best choice.
Now take your cash and rejoice.
Go on now, go on home,
I'll save you the trouble of selling this gnome.

Come on, come all,
This thing is ten feet tall.
Grab a chair, have a stare,
This item is so rare.

Flip your lid, give a bid.
Tell your daddy, kid.
Don't pass it up, don't pass it by.
This item will surely fly.

Great choice mister, what a great buy.
Who cares if your wallet went dry.
You now have this, you now have that.
My you look fine in that hat.

I have no guilt, I have no shame,
This is all part of the game.
So I swindled, so I cheated,
I never said they had to be defeated.

With my profit, with my gain,
I just let the money rain.
Sorry mister, sorry miss,
These are fair prices and your offer brings no bliss.

Worse than car salesmen I will say. At least you know you are going to get screwed at that bay. It is just plain rude to not know it and get screwed. At least a drink could be bought first. Was interesting watching such a burst. The cat was through with their selling sass and perked up his tail, walking away giving them his little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Ambidexterity I Can Claim. That Just Adds To My Fame.

So with Pat and the whole arm thing at our wing. We learned to use a different hand or paw for when I had to dig in the litter box sand. Was a pain in the rump to do. But away we went at our zoo. As of now we can go back and forth with ease. It comes in handy when scratching fleas. Sure it will go away if we go back to our natural state. But as of now we have ambidexterity, so don't hate.

The computer mouse can flip flop.
Can even swab a mop.
Something like swab the deck I suppose.
Which the clean floor shows.

Typing with one hand either way,
Is a slow and endless display.
But it got done,
As we typed a ton.

The joystick was tough,
No, no gutter things like in the buff.
The video game that was,
Wouldn't want to start a gutter buzz.

Pringle cans were dandy,
Two hands can come in handy.
Can shovel in food with both hands too.
Makes it faster to get through.

Although indigestion is a bitch.
But I can handle that glitch.
Just pass some gas,
Can also use the other hand to wipe our ass.

Hmm too much info there?
Pfft never bother with that at our lair.
Can even throw with the other hand,
Still a bit girlie though and rather bland.

Will have to work on that,
Try having four paws like the cat.
Can write with the other too,
That was the toughest to do.

But then again,
Here at our den.
You can't read Pat's writing from either one.
Yeah, it is that bad by a ton.

Only thing worse is his drawing,
Or maybe my toe gnawing.
I'm an equal opportunist there too.
I'll bite all the toes in my view.

The TV remote was easy.
So was using that hand when he got sneezy.
The hammer swinging was an interesting event.
But it got done and the nail never even got bent.

Guess that just shows,
That when the strat flows,
You can either swim up river,
Get drunk and screw your liver,

Or simply adapt a bit.
To still get out your rhyming fit.
Or whatever else that comes due,
Just have to get creative at your zoo.

And also have someone around who has a clue, sadly in that department you mostly have to rely on you. But if you want something done right, you know how that goes day or night. Be glad when the crap has come to pass. Sorry for the image of my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Don't Sniff Glue. Obvious, But True!

Don't you just love the cat's great title today? I mean it is just so well thought out at my bay. I can't imagine a better title that could come due. I am just so great at my zoo. The title king I should be called at my wing. Let's see what else I can make. Titles I can sure bake.

Snow is coming!
It is winter so that should be what you're humming.
Coffee is good.
That can't be misunderstood.

Teeth must be brushed.
Thinking that up must have left your brain crushed.
Kids cost money.
Just gets some bees and feed them honey.

Dogs need walks.
That was amazing, must be the air holes in your socks.
Gas is high.
Such an old cry.

Drugs are bad.
How many have you had?
Guns can kill.
Better go and do up my will.

Junk food adds weight.
Even if you eat it off a plate?
Cat's rule.
We knew that, fool.

Sell your home.
Then where would you roam?
Two for one.
That could lead to lots of fun.

People need to shower.
I know you humans have the power.
Flowers grow in the ground.
My, you are very profound.

Trash goes to the dump.
Does your head have a lump?
A chair is where you sit.
Even when you need to shit?

The light turns off and on.
Wow, I bet you are a blast when mowing the lawn.
A phone makes calls.
They'll be whispering that one in the halls.

The cat is through.
Lost a brain cell or two.
I am done.
That was fun.

Did you like the drone? Even talked about the phone. Pffft what a silly sap. The cat likes to flap. A title should be more. Then the same old same old encore. So it will confuse the dumb human masses. Maybe they will get off their asses and learn a thing or two. I know that is wishingful thinking at my zoo. I pass gas. I am crass. I like sass. I will not become a droning little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Once More Orange Eejits Give An Encore!

They came back to my sea just to bother little old me. But I pulled the green stuff from their head and now they are bald but still cause me dread. The little orange men err umm things won't shut up. They are worse than a butt sniffing pup.

Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-doo,
I’ve got a perfect puzzle for you.
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-dee,
If you are wise you’ll listen to me.
What do you get went hitting the gas?A flattened mass and a puddle of ass.Was saving time worth such a run?Now your time is officially done.I don't like the smell of it.
Oompa Loompa do-ba-dee-da,
With a little patience you won't be hit by a car.
You won't get turned to goo,
Oompa loompa do-ba-dee-doo.
Do-ba-dee-doo
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-doo,
I’ve got another puzzle for you.
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-dee,
If you are wise you’ll listen to me.
Drinking is fine to do every now and then.It allows you to hook up with women or men.But too much and you are a drunk,Stuck in line with your smelly funk.Something like an outhouse.
Oompa Loompa do-ba-dee-da,
Take a bath and you will go far.
You will smell less like a zoo,
Oompa loompa do-ba-dee-doo.
Do-ba-dee-doo

Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-doo,
I’ve got another puzzle for you.
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-dee,
If you are wise you’ll listen to me.
Why bothering committing a crime,When you have the sense of a grocery store mime?Posting your act on Facebook and Twitter,Leaves you getting caught and makes more Internet litter.Yours could fill a landfill.
Oompa Loompa do-ba-dee-da,
Sadly your brains can't fill a toy car.
You will never get a clue,
Oompa loompa do-ba-dee-doo.
Do-ba-dee-doo
Wasn't that just annoying as annoying can be? They are beyond crazy. They need to go back to their homeland in space and leave my place, never to return. Or next time their face may feel a burn. Yeah, it would be something that I pass from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Year Of The Excuse Has Bad Mojo Juice!

Another interview of Pat over at this mat !

The cat was thinking the other day. Yeah, I do that occasionally at my bay. That all of those umm crazy people out there who think 13 is bad luck at their lair, must really be in a bind. They could be wishing the Mayan thing really did blow away their behind. For now they are stuck in a year where 13 is always near.

What will I do?
What can I say?
It can't be true.
Who can I pay?

My foot aches,
The TV broke,
There are earthquakes,
I'm going to choke.

Where can I go?
Where will I hide?
I will spend dough,
To get to the other side.

My car rusted,
The roof leaks,
The microwave busted,
Oil poisoned the creeks.

Why little old me?
Why has this come?
Watch out for that tree.
I think I need some rum.

My fingers itch.
American Idol is through.
My neighbors a witch.
The dog ate my shoe.

Who can stop this?
Who can bring peace?
Something is amiss,
I'm wearing tye dye fleece.

The light bulb blew,
My shirt caught fire.
I felt an achoo,
I got pricked on a briar.

How will I last?
How will I live?
Get over fast,
There's nothing I won't give.

Hide in my house,
Hide in my room.
Look there's a mouse.
That surely spells doom.

I guess there is a perk to believing such things that would make most smirk. At least you can blame every woe from tye dye shirt to stubbing your toe, on the year. Although that would get to be quite the mundane cheer. Hopefully none are this absurd and just flip the thirteen the bird. For too soon another year will pass and all will be older, including my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

A dVerse New Year Is Kicked Into Gear!

So the happy new year cries will come and go. At least by tomorrow they won't be found high and low. How many times can you say it before all you want to do is spit? Probably won't even be able to do that as you will lose any saliva in your mouth after saying it 1000 times at your mat. What a way to kick in the new year. No saliva and my little rhyming rear. A HUGE pfffft to those dumb resolutions too. You can take those and shove them up your gazoo. No magic is found by pretending to wait for this oh so special day at your mound. If you want to do it, do it. Don't wait for new years to hit. But that was last years flow, now on with the dVerse show.

The new year has rung,
The same old song has been sung.
Acting all proud,
Cheering in a crowd.

Pretending for a day,
That things change at your bay,
Then back to the norm,
As you are true to form.

Instead of that,
Listen to the cat,
Shove the day,
It's just like any other at your bay.

You want to promote change,
Do something strange.
That is the way to be.
Like jumping naked in the sea.

Hypothermia might set in,
That will sure change things at your bin.
A good polar bear dip,
Would be quite the trip.

Get on the people of Walmart site.
Leave all with a fright.
If your belly fat can smirk,
That is just a perk.

Dig a moat around your house.
It will surely keep away a mouse.
Then you can pretend you have a castle.
I bet salesmen won't hassle.

Get yourself a friend,
One who will be there until the end.
Just don't let a pin drop,
Or your new friend may pop.

Grab a rat burger and chow down.
Go to town with a Pokemon champion crown.
Let your fly hang low.
Make a collage out of each leftover Christmas bow.

Then slap it up for all to see.
Of course make it creepy.
Halloween and Christmas in one.
That just has to be done.

The cat has many more,
But he doesn't want to keep you all day at his shore.
After all you have a resolution to get to.
Until tomorrow when you claim it wasn't true.

But still happy new year to all,
May it be better at your hall.
Or at least the same,
I won't tell about your blow up dame.

There we go the first of the new year, written back in October by my little rhyming rear. Damn, I am good. Talking about the new year two months in advance at my hood. I was also a bit crass which is always enjoyed by my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

The Typical Reflection With A Crap Selection!

So as I sit here and write this post, ever the tons of posts ahead host, it is the middle of Halloween month to be exact. Yeah, that is a fact. So still two months and a half to go of 2012 I suppose. Unless the Mayans were right and there she blows. Oh and guess what? A post for all 366 days this year from my little rhyming butt. That is grand. So let's get reflective in my land.

2012 Worst Year Ever!
No matter how clever,
And not for the cat,
But for Miss Priss and Pat.

There was some good,
Like plenty of books released in my hood.
Went to the NY show,
But other than that crap just continued to grow.

Miss Priss had issues and a huge bill.
Pat sure had his fill.
From leg to neck,
All was, or maybe still is(I hope not) a wreck.

Plus your throat can click.
That is not a nifty trick.
When the hyoid bone goes.
Every time you swallow you get throat clicking woes.

Pray that never happens to you.
It's aggravating enough to turn you blue.
I still got work,
That is a perk.

At least no gutter,
Is where I have to be with my mutter.
Except for maybe my mind,
But that is typical of my little rhyming behind.

Been to more germy places than I care to admit.
Each one mostly the same dimwitted nitwit.
Say that three times fast,
Now put it in the past.

As I guess forward we go.
Can't live in the pasts glow.
No matter how much it sucks,
And stole your bucks.

There is Pat's whine,
Thankfully I'm a fit as a fiddle feline.
Of course I have issues though,
Like meowing as I go.

We all have one or two.
So don't let the past stick like glue.
Unless of course it is good,
Then stick away at your hood.

How was that old one eye? I had to give whining a try. But that does not change the fact that 2012 was one big shitty act. Who knows what is ahead. Maybe we'll all be dead. Those aliens are up there you know. Let's hope by the time this runs the crap is gone from head to toe. So Happy New Year globland mass. Let's hope it is a better one for all, who needs it to be, and my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Appealing To The Masses Who Sit On Their Wide Asses!

So you humans are you content to sit on your couch and vent at some stupid reality TV? Isn't reality free? Yet you pay for and watch the crap. What is so interesting about that Hulk Hogan chap? Either way, if you like the two bit hack job crap at your bay, what the heck. Feel free to watch such and such plastic faced whack job shuffle a card deck. Maybe he'll get an ace or fall flat on his face. Wow! Entertaining I say. No wonder you watch it on display. You guessed it. Today we go on and appeal to those oh so wise humans out there, with a reality TV fit.

Find a great name.
Some mook of past fame.
Throw in an old flame,
And some new dame.

Add a little yelling,
Forget to check spelling.
Wait! You can spell anyway,
Guess you earn your pay.

Walk the streets,
Singing to your own beats.
That's right!
Mickey Mouse raps are a sight.

Don the suit,
Jig to a flute.
Either way it'll be a hit,
To each and every nitwit.

But let's not make them idle,
We need to tell them a title.
Tons we can create,
Widening their ass at a steady rate.

Swab The Deck,
The pirates will say heck.
Make you walk the plank,
May even rift Frank the Tank.

Storm The CEO.
Just run and step on their toe.
Whoever breaks one first,
Wins and quenches their thirst.

Fast Food Trips.
Let all pass their lips.
All they have to do is survive.
They may not come out alive.

Shop Until You Drop!
This won't be a flop.
Whoever can hold the most crud,
Wins, as the others fall in the mud.

Frame A Nun.
That would be so fun.
Prove they aren't holy,
Then scream holy moly.

Rope Me In.
In order to win,
You have to pull a mate from a cliff.
Get to keep the one who makes you ummm stiff.

Damn, I am good.
Provide entertainment for the lame I should.
Make a quick buck,
But then rolling around in the muck would be yuck.

So the cat will avoid such things and continue to ignore the reality TV crap at his wings. Too bad we are stuck with the crap, that should take a dirt nap. But oh well, at least all will have Egyptian Idol reruns in Hell. Now I'm done appealing to the mass who sit on their ass and have less brains than that singing bass. Oops! I may have just been an offensive little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.