Pat Hatt's Blog, page 249

And From My Zoo, The HUGE Moron Award Goes To?

So the cat hates that award stuff as those rules just make me want to moon in the buff. Wait! I already do that, as I flop on the mat. Anyway, I really have to give one today and you know they are oh so special at my bay. I am giving it to to MORONS at the Canadian Government. For they surely earned it under their tent. Particularly those in Human Resources and Skill Development too, I would not want to offend the whole friggin crew.

I am a big entity that people can supposedly trust,
So it is common sense security is a must.
That means stuff like enryption for data and such.
 Even if it does cost a little too much.

But instead I am a big entity that is a moron.
Smarter grass blades growing out on the lawn.
I will just pocket the extra cash.
Forgetting about that security trash.

I will store the data of 583,000 Student Loan guys and gals,
On some little drive while I drink with my pals.
I won't even encrypt the thing,
I will just leave it tucked away at my wing.

I won't even put a tracker in it,
Pfft I won't even back up such shit.
I mean it's only a thief's delight,
Once they catch it in their sight.

But no one would steal that.
I mean a ten pound drive is heavier than a door mat.
One would hurt themself lifting the thing,
So it is safe tucked behind the door at my wing.

OOPSY! Is all I can say,
When it goes missing at our bay.
Now 583,000 social security numbers and other info,
Are out there for a thief to use at their show.

Meaning you could be royally screwed.
I'm so sorry, dude.
We will take better care now.
Next time we'll go get a guard cow.

What is that you ask?
No, I would never try and hide it away or cover it with a mask.
Just because we waited two months to tell you all,
That your info was stolen from our hall,

Does not mean we aren't on top of it.
I mean who really gives a shit?
It's only some number that a thief could ruin your life with and such.
That shouldn't bother you too much.

And besides we have directed officials so it won't happen again.
Doesn't that make you all snug at your den?
One of the biggest breaches in history goes down,
And an oopsy is all we can say with a fake frown.

Thankfully Pat was not one of the 583,000 that got stolen, misplaced or whatever. My aren't those idiots clever? Who does that? Saving such data on a moveable drive with no encryption what so ever at their mat? Plug it in and poof, all the data is there. They deserve the moron reward at their lair. A monkey even knows that. But they just tip their hat and give a big oopsy pretty much and that is that. I hope they get their asses sued off at their mat. Then the oopsy will be on those idiots big time. So ends my ranting rhyme. Can you picture smart grass? It would still be eaten by my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

For The 8th Attack Comes A Creepy Crack?

The cat is here to once more give the kiddies cheer. No, there are no pictures of my little rhyming rear. That sadly may be less creepy I fear. For creepy and crack? What do you think at your shack? Wait! I probably don't want to know. God only knows the search engine hits I'll get having a creepy crack in the title of a post at my show. But enough with the ranting, warning, viewing him may cause your eyes to start slanting.

So last Valentine's Day,
The cat had a scary guy in a diaper on display.
Then Blabber got it through her head,
That he was creepy and would cause her dread.

So Creepy Cupid was born,
And the cat had to honk such a horn.
Add to that Pat and the Cracks,
And you get the crack attacks.

Oh this sounds so bad,
It could be a tad.
But with Creepy Cupid on display,
Pat and the Cracks rocking out at his bay,

A giant squid about,
Some big bossman giving a shout,
And poor old Squat,
Things will surely amuse a lot.

So without further delay,
The 8th children's book from by bay,
Is now all hot to trot.
It is Squat The Robot?





KINDLE
PRINT
Does that not look grand?
Or maybe a tad into scary land.
The kiddies will sure find it fun,
With Creepy Cupid and Cracks under my sun.

Oh and if you give it a view,
Don't forget to review.
Yeah sort of a cheat rhyme,
I do them once in a while so it's not a crime.

Now go add book eight,
To your gate.
Find out Squat's fate,
Doesn't that question mark make you irate?

What did you think I would stop as I get the Honk of Zagonk to the 10,000 copies sold crop? Not a chance at my sea, as I still have a good fifty. The next a new superhero will be born as well, even though many will damn him to hell. The first sequel comes after that. It stars once more me and Cassie cat. Plus six more in the pipeline, proving I'm an unstoppable feline. At least until after these ones come due, then that may be the end of them at my zoo. Until then more will come to pass from my ever so childish little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Gonna Take The Bait And Add These To Your Plate?

So the cat has to do a movie one as that always has to be done under my sun. Can't let that go for a good long while as the cat can rant a mile. Anyway, why not let you know the up and coming near your bay. Unless they get postponed or some crap like that. If they do, don't blame the cat.

Things may get scary,
With a remake of Carrie.
Remake is a scary word,
As 99.99% of them are absurd.

The Last Stand will come,
Showing off Arnold's saggy bum.
Along with a World War Z,
Once more it's the attack of the zombie.

Grown Ups 2,
Just leaves me with an eww.
Rather watch the Smurfs 2,
Then that no longer funny crew.

But there is Scary Movie 5.
That stupid series is still alive.
I wish Jack the Giant Killer,
Would end such crappy filler.

Maybe Oz The Great and Powerful could blow the crap away.
He does have a big face on display.
Then that very crappy Robocop remake,
Might go drown in a lake.

The Lone Ranger,
Will be way more stranger.
Wolverine 2 being a sequel though,
Might make it worth a show.

Of course Superman comes back,
On the ever so boring boyscout attack.
With a Thor 2 as well,
Off to some mythical hell.

Then there is the drunk,
Ironman 3 in some funk.
Speaking of which,
The Hangover 3 is back to flip the switch.

I wonder if they'll carbon copy another one.
The Hobbit 2 will give a run.
Stretching it to three,
So more dough can be raked it at their sea.

Then of course GI Joe 2,
The first simply blew.
So don't hold out hope.
Jack Ryan may make one swing from a rope.

The End of the World will come.
A little late with that hum.
300 the sequel, prequel, whatever thing,
Will surely be worth a ring.

Star Trek 2 will come for each nerd.
Sorry, I meant Trekkies, nerd is absurd.
Red 2 is also coming,
Might be or might not be mind numbing.

Die Hard 5 is ready to go.
Anything beats the 4th show.
Even Marry Poppins porn.
Goes good with pop corn.

Then there is Fast and the Furious 6.
Once more cars can do tricks.
Seven is also all but a guaranteed fate.
And that is the cat's upcoming movie slate.

There you go, now you know many that will show. They all seem to have a number beside them too. Shows the oh so great work of the lazy Hollywood crew. But beats a prequel or some remake hell. Even though a few of those are there and they aren't swell. Of course many more will come to pass but most I saw were even more horrible and worth being ignored by my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

A dVerse Help With A Prompt Yelp!

So over at dVerse they prompt here and there. Actually prompts are found every friggin where. The cat just has to chime in and help out each bin. I mean you have to run out sometime. But to do so would be a crime. Let the cat help out with this prompting shout.

It's prompt day,
You are stuck at your bay.
You don't know what to say.
While pull up a tray.

It's as easy as can be,
Go with things that are three.
Head, foot, hand.
How do they work together at your land?

Or what do you say,
When no words are at play?
See, just used your no words funk,
To make a prompt go kerplunk.

Variations of words are fun,
But these have be done.
Time to get to the weird and whacky,
Some might be crude or tacky.

Make your own holiday.
Name your own bay.
What zombie part is on you?
Foot or something more eww.

Things to break and make a wish,
Something better than a dish.
Submarine art.
Things you pull in a cart.

Yeah, all pull one.
Carrying things under their sun.
The opposite of this,
Would be something not to miss.

Swipe a name,
That of fame,
Something like Thumper,
Take out or add a letter getting Humper.

Things that won't staple.
Like an apple and a maple.
Bones you wish you had.
Even if the humorous is rad.

What shouldn't you pet?
That would be the best yet.
I may have to give that a run.
Times to run that are fun.

Is there such a time?
I guess when you see a scary mime.
Things to mime and not say.
Another scary display.

Damn, the cat just let's the ideas roll.
I should charge a toll.
Or at least a fee.
Or maybe just make it cost money.

Those last three are all the same you say? Pffft, no they are each a different way. The cat just screwed with your head. Another prompt that could be said. Screw with a head. Although saying it out of context might bring dread. But only to a so called prim and proper lad or lass. Surely never to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

OH MY GOD! I Need To Throw Up My Cod!

So the cat has not written a new post in almost a month at his sea. I bet it was not guessed by thee. Being 90 ahead, now 68, is grand. For Pat has to rest his arm/hand. But ideas are still written down, up to another 100 ready for my town. Anyway with that out of the way, there is no friggin way I could not put this on display. The cat is still shaking his head. Warning the next few images may cause you dread.

So there is a stalker,
Who is also a gawker.
He can also draw,
Unlike me and my paw.

Pat opened his mail the other day,
And holy shit is what he had to say.
For there was a pic,
That was rather slick.

After he was through laughing a bit,
That is when the cat started to spit.
The last one is just oh so wrong.
Pat never ever should have said anything about the zebra thong!

So without further adieu,
Here is an unvieling for you.
I know, I come out of resting for this?
But that bod could give some bliss.



Now where does the cat even begin?
This is just too easy to win.
From the man boobs to the hairy pits,
These will surely get some coffee spits.

Want to play with the zebra though?
hahaha Pat should think twice what he wants to show.
Bah what the hell,
Maybe I should use it on a new banner to scare to scaries away from my cell.

I hope you enjoyed the show. Sorry if coffee got spit to and fro. But Pat just had to share, as he stood there either oh so tacky or bare. The cat could not resist. Well worth typing out with my left wrist. Now I have to go throw up some more bass as I pass some gas from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Down To Hell For A Spell!

Let's see what the cat can do as he weaves this tale in rhyme, as always, for all to view. Should be interesting to see if it can be done. But of course most anything can be done under my sun. So away we go and it's on with the show.

Two Canadians sit all blue,
Their igloos side by side.
Too cold to achoo,
So they take a death ride.

Down to hell they go,
Not really caring why.
The lava sure did flow,
Fire was set to the sky.

The devil trotted up,
Asking about their clothes.
He offered them a booze cup,
They declared they were still froze.

The devil had to fix that.
He couldn't lose his reputation.
So he warmed Hell's mat.
Saying they would suffer in damnation.

The two Canadians refused,
To take off their winter clothes.
The devil felt abused,
Threatening to fry them like crows.

They both stood freezing in place,
So the devil added more heat,
Watching as their teeth chattered at a steady pace.
He would not admit defeat.

These two Canadians were through.
They could not win,
This was no igloo.
He would cause them pain for their sin.

He put them through the ringer,
Causing every kind of woe,
Even hit them with a stinger,
From their head to toe.

He even burned their clothes,
Causing them more pain.
Only adding to their woes,
They were still aboard the cold train.

In a a final act,
As his desperation grew,
Some cold he would attract,
To completely freeze these two.

The tempurate of Hell,
Dropped as cold as ice.
The two laughed in their cell,
For the devil had paid the price.

He found nothing funny,
And threatened them once more.
Saying he'd fry them like a bunny,
If they didn't stop their encore.

They continued laughing quite a bit,
Finally revealing their plan,
As they continued to sit,
Ever the merry fan.

We need no four leaf clover,
So our wives can mourn,
For Hell has frozen over,
Meaning in our next life we'll be kings of porn.

So there we go, they tricked the devil at Hell's show. With ice and fire things may turn dire but use your mind and a saying can get you out of a bind. Or something like that if you were to land at Hell's doormat. Hopefully a next life does come to pass or it will all be for not and that would be funny to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Some Candy That Isn't Dandy!

Don't you love lazy ass humans at your sea? The following expression is hated by me. Those that think they are the cat's meow. I'm sure there are many around you know that take such a bow. It is truly sad when a cat knows how to bury their crap while you humans leave things out like a sap.

It's the lazy human day.
Come and join the fray.
Wait! That would take work.
Which is not a perk.

I guess you can't join.
It would be like a kick to the groin.
Being snip snip,
That isn't just a bad trip.

A garbage can is handy.
That is all fine and dandy.
The wrapper of your candy,
Must be too sandy.

For oh no.
It must have a radioactive glow.
After you shove it in your gut,
Adding weight to your already oversized butt,

You can't touch it once more.
You are just a candy whore.
That is a whole other story though.
So we won't go there at my show.

Instead we are back,
On the lazy ass attack.
Yes, you are a yapper.
Look at that oh so heavy wrapper.

Maybe you went blind.
Wouldn't surprise my behind.
Or have no mind,
That is still being too kind.

Yes, flick your hair,
You scary old mare.
Lick your fingers too,
Which is just so eww.

Prepare for your big adventure.
Re-positioning your chair is a mighty hard venture.
And what makes it worse,
As you hold onto your overgrown suitcase of a purse,

Now the garbage can,
Of which you clearly aren't a fan.
Is right in your face.
Brains you do not embrace.

Off you trot,
Thinking your are hot.
Leaving your wrapper there,
Still playing with your granny hair.

Left your paper cup too.
But that is such an important hairdo.
Yeah, you wiggle your fat ass.
I hope that candy gives you gas.

The cat just had to have fun with the lazy humans under his sun. The trash is two feet away. But they still let it stay, too busy worrying about their appearance and such. Which all of any beauty store still wouldn't help much. But the cat doesn't judge if you give the garbage a nudge. If not you are a lazy old coot and I still hope the candy makes you toot. My that was some fun sass that came from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Can't Think? Don't Hit The Brink!

So you can't think what to write? You are sitting there day and night but it just does not work. I guess the cat can leave you with a smirk. So far I have yet to run out of ideas and such. Sometimes I just have way too much. But I will not brag for some may gag. Anyway, here is a trick or ten at your bay.

Take a look at your feet.
Do they look neat?
There you go.
Describe them at your show.

Watch your pet,
And you can bet.
That they will do something,
That will stir a write at your wing.

If not just cheat.
Don't suffer defeat.
Take a pic and post it up.
Easy as can be for your writing hiccup.

Open a news page.
Find something that sparks rage.
Then that is that.
Channel it at your mat.

Or pick two words,
Could be sung by birds.
Anything from "holy crap" to "giggity bop"
They will surely make your brain hop.

Spurt out some facts,
Of some random acts.
Knowledge is always good.
Although you can't help those that are as dumb as wood.

But there you go.
That whole line could make 50 posts show.
Dumb as a stump.
Dumb hairdo of Trump.

Dump at the Trump was taken.
Even if old one eye was fakin'
It was her goof,
That there was no solid proof.

Could rant about how to get proof.
Or what comes from a leaky roof.
See, pull a rhyme from your ass,
And things will amass.

Already gave myself ten ideas with this post.
Maybe I should take a break to the coast.
What would I need to take?
Another post that could make.

Damn, I'm on a roll.
What you see as you take a stroll.
Complain about the bridge toll.
Yap about a lofty goal.

All and all it isn't so hard.
Just look out at the yard.
An idea will spark,
So your mind will no longer go dark.

Isn't the cat just so helpful today? I guess once in a while I can be at my bay. Yeah, I will never let the Trump thing go, unless actual evidence starts to show. Anyway, there is your lesson for today class. It also allowed for another rambling from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Oh What Fun To Have Dough By The Ton!

So the cat was jumping here and there going about each blog lair. Then all of a sudden one or two did not work. After reading the error message the cat could do nothing but smirk. Error 502 basically is Google giving you a big screw you. For it said refresh in 30 seconds or so. Other than that, what's wrong we don't know. I guess billions can't buy you good help these days. Maybe it's trillions that pays?

Google has set the bar,
For all near and far.
With the Error 502,
Giving all a big screw you.

I can't wait for it to catch on.
Then many things will dawn.
It will be all the craze.
As you humans are all in a haze.

Umm yes sir about your car.
You can't drive it very far.
I can't say what's wrong.
It just won't last too long.

Yeah, your money is all gone.
Sorry, I'm just a pawn.
You will just have to make due.
I can't help you.

That guy shot you in the face?
Wow, that is one awful looking brace.
Sorry, there is nothing we can do.
I mean all he did was shoot you.

Look your house is burning down.
We drove clear across town.
We got to honk our horn.
Sorry, we have to look at our porn.

You've got one long named disease.
It even makes you sneeze.
Just let me pull my hand from your ass.
Wasn't that thrilling lass?

That is a ton of stuff,
Your grocery bill must be rough.
Sorry, I can't ring you through.
I have too many things to do.

Isn't it fun to sue?
I have sued a few.
You were hit by a truck?
Well we will get a mighty fine buck.

And so the craze will be so fun.
Google must be proud of what they spun.
All will bow down to their might,
Except for lawyers, their greed still takes flight.

Last year it was error 503 and now 502 has come due at my sea. Still no idea what happened to the other 501 but Google always keeps things fun. It just proves that the billionaire class have their head up a mass, which would make it hard to pass gas. Unlike my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

You What? Are You In A Rut?

So the cat tried to explain to a dumb human at his lane how blogging works. It resulted in a lot of smirks. For they were such a dunce things got asked more than once. They just could not comprehend and it sent them right around the bend. Or rather a Facebook update, "I think my bum is getting big." Wow, how could I top that. Don't need to go through that again so I'll be a helpful cat.

This is what a I meant.
Hopefully it will make a dent.
You head is pretty thick,
It might take a brick.

But never fear,
Turn your rear.
And then away it will bounce,
You have gained more than an ounce.

Bloggers take pictures for no reason,
Of themselves or the season.
Or of the floor,
It could be dusty at their shore.

They make no money,
Which is rather funny.
Probably do more work than they do at work.
Or blog work at work which is a perk.

That might send you for a spin.
Or lead you to the gin.
You have few brain cells left though.
Might want to suck it back slow.

Opinions on everything abounds.
Pics of cats and hounds.
Learning is never done.
As new things are spun.

Then there are those,
That for God only knows,
Believe their own hype.
Thinking all is right that they type.

Kind of like you,
They have no clue.
But whoopdi friggin doo.
Hop away like a kangaroo.

And if that wasn't enough.
You can comment on the stuff.
That can get rough.
But you can do it in the buff.

So in summation,
I will turn to the easy listening station.
For the final duration,
Of this narration.

Blogging leads to,
Many things that come due.
Like time sucking, random pictures taking, sights you may rather not want to see, learning on a daily basis, the odd troll or whiner taking a stroll, all have some type of quirk, the weirdos surely lurk and of course the need for attention.
Now aren't you glad I gave your growing bum a mention?

Now wasn't that a helpful post? So when the crazies come and visit this host. Maybe they will spread it around and no more dunce humans will be found. Yeah, that is pretty much wishful thinking. To find a dunce just watch their rapid blinking. Another helpful tip has come to pass. I'm just such a helpful little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.